There’s Jews in Israel?
The bogan once read a spy novel. Probably by Tom Clancy, but it has heard rumours of names like Le Carre, Ambler and Forsyth, but hasn’t seen any films adapted from their work, so sticks with Clancy and his Jack Ryan-led series of CIA hijinx. Being a bogan, the bogan believes that its true destiny, cruelly stolen from it by years of apathy and absenteeism, was in fact to be a spy. Shoot guns, shag chicks (or guys), perform deeds of derring-do. You know, be maxtreme. The bogan just loves espionage.
The Rudd government realised this. When confronted by a misbehaving Mossad, the perfect opportunity arose – they could expel an Israeli agent (actually a mid-level functionary) from the country. Kevin Rudd: Tough On Spies. The association of the government with anything that has been peripherally dealt with in Clear and Present Danger makes the bogan deeply excited.
Some bogans also know that Israel is in the middle east, so is thrilled that K-Rudd is booting Arabs out of Australia. In fact, though, the bogan would dislike this if it knew the Israelis were at war with Arabs. Either way, K-Rudd appeared to be on a winner with this bogan friendly, hipster friendly piece of non-aquatic expulsion. Then the Libs figured the same thing out.
Julie ‘Darth’ Bishop, shadow foreign minister, decided to one-up the Ruddster by tiptoeing perilously close to treason and suggesting that Australia is no naïf in the business of forging passports. The bogan filled in the assumed blanks, and now knows that the former Howard government clearly sends ASIO spies to Dubai to cap some Arab bad dudes on a regular basis.
Your move, Kevin…
ALP Score: 6 Vodka Martinis out of 10 (two less after Darth Bishop stepped in)
Elsewhere, somewhere in NSW…
In 2007, the bogan was instrumental in electing a Prime Minister who had a well-publicised “romp” at a New York strip club. Indeed, the tanked Rudd was even allegedly kicked out of the venue due to his inappropriate behaviour. The bogan didn’t mind the antics of this married man who was in New York to represent Australia at the United Nations. This is because the bogan also wants to go to New York to leer at strippers, making Kevin a bit of a top bloke, and a vicarious smut adventurer for the bogan.
Last week, however, when another married politician was sprung entering a gay sauna, the bogan was outraged. NSW roads and transport minister David Campbell’s session at Ken’s at Kensington exposed the bogan’s kenophobia, as your typical bogan is desperately unwilling to admit any interest in attending a gay sauna. Sensing that the bogan elects officials solely based on its hypothetical willingness to purchase said official a beer, the NSW Labor Party quickly realised that Campbell’s position was untenable. A hasty ministerial resignation followed, accompanied by a statement from Premier Kristina Keneally that the former minister had made the “right call” in placating the bogan. After a close call, the ALP’s dream of keeping the “Ken” out of Keneally remains alive. Campbell’s only plausible redemption will come from admitting that he is Jimmy Barnes’ son.