Avatar has made $2.7 billion at the global box office. It stands to reason that at least $2.65 billion of that has come directly from bogans’ fraying surf-branded wallets. While there is no doubt that the film’s pretence of taking care of primitive natives by not blowing them up no war something something allows the bogan to feel cosmopolitan, what it finds really appealing is massive blue alien side boob. Side boob that can now be seen IN 3D! Moreover, Corey Worthington’s brother Jake Sully was busily saving the natives on the bogan’s behalf IN 3D! A one dimensional actor IN 3D!
3D! has revolutionised the film industry, just as it has revolutionised the amount the bogan is willing to pay for its plasma screen IN 3D! While the bogan knows it likes its massive cans in DD, adding a third D creates THE THIRD DIMENSION! IN 3D! The bogan can now pay more to watch the same film, but emerge dazed and with a niggling, persistent headache that will take a number of hours to fully resolve IN 3D!
The plasma screen with built in 3D! allows the manufacturer to charge the bogan a metric underbellygutload of extra cash for a TV that then lets the bogan run the risk of causing maxtreme epilepsy – which, to the bogan, is the ultimate spurious allergy IN 3D! Samsung is the first company to retail 3D! televisions in Australia, and the $1000+ price premium means that the bogan will require a 3D! credit card debt to own its max intense home theatre experience. Samsung has also offered the bogan the chance to power up its face, in preparation for the maxtreme dimensional onslaught that watching Under, Over and Around Belly in 3D! will provide, by wearing 3D! glasses with a power button IN 3D!
Yes, you heard right, Underbelly will come in 3D! in 2011. The bogan has long felt a deep personal affiliation with Underbelly, and in 2011 it will finally be immersed in a maelstrom of boobs, bullets and bodybags IN 3D! This new level of intimacy will prompt the bogan to refer to Underbelly characters by their first names, and any bogan who has done a short course in photography will be in hot demand to photograph other bogans in the midst of the cast IN 3D! With this newly rabid desire to max out the dimensions it exists in, the Nine Network is also paying $10,000,000 to bring out an American camera crew to film the NRL State of Origin game IN 3D! This will be the first time the bogan can tell other bogans to fuck off because its state is full (apart from Tasmanians) IN 3D! It is understood that Max Markson is currently exploring the legal ramifications of engineering a sex scandal perpetrated by a dimension.
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I can see it coming (in 3D!) – Donkey Punch, the movie.
I thought you could not see a donkey punch coming?
The camera sees all… and 3D! porn offers so much to shudder at. The 3-Dirty Sanchez, for instance.
Please see my link just a little down the page for a fascinating insight into the power of 3D porn.
Its a third eye thing…
Noice.
Is that true about the State of Origin in 3D? My goodness when will the madness end??? The bogans will be able to glass any player who doesn’t play as well as the bogan thinks the bogan can!
I cannot help but think of the movie Wally, with the fat people on hover seats glued to 3rd TV / Computer Screens, unable to interact with each other…I am beginning to think it is only a matter of time before that becomes the reality!
That should be ‘3D TV/Computer Screens’ of course!
And Wall-E
Hahaha. Thank you Chris…noted! Anytime I try to engage in this public thought bubble stuff I always end up with a typo somewhere!
T-ra, you may need to get out more. The fatties on the hover chair from Wall-E are closer to reality than you think. I know of some people whose whole weekend is consumed with sitting on their ever expanding back-sides mindlessly flicking through pay-TV channels. When you manage to drag them away from their comfort zone, they are quite anxious to get back in case the evil sun gives them too much vitamin D.
Perhaps the problem is not that I need to get out more, but rather I don’t stay in enough! I don’t have cable TV and probably watch less than 5 hours of TV a week. I have this great fear that in a few years people are not going to be able to think for themsevles and always need to be connected to some form of technology. Imagination and independent thought will be thing of the past!
huh? technology connects people. why would i want to be cut off from all that?
(is going to leave his desk for lunch and check Twitter on the 5 minute walk)
I heard a while back about the concept of microboredom – where you see some idiot who gets to a bus stop, and rather than stand there for 3 minutes and just think and observe the world around them, they feel compelled to get on the mobile and play or game, text or whatever.
These are the same ADHD’s who need a DVD player in the 4WD, because god forbid little Jaiy-den not be stimulated for the briefest of periods.
I do this. iPhone is great for it. check mail, Twitter, Facebook, play games…
Me too Brimstone, I love my Ipod touch. Nothing like being able to access TBL on the go!
I find the DVD player in the car the most stupid thing. What kids these days can’t wait? WTF?!! Next thing you know foxtel will be offering car boxes so that the jaidyn, braydyn, Kayline, and Steele can be bombarded with crap from the trip to KFC and back… Good Frikken Cheese!!! GRR
i used to take my laptop with me on long car trips… play music, watch movies, write. makes multi-hour vacations much more tolerable for everyone
Long trip…yeah I can see the value in that. But when they’re on for “Dinner run to KFC”, that’s pretty shit.
We bought one of these dual screen DVD thingies for the car. I had to hand part of my soul over to the man behind the counter to get it. I felt it was a defeat. This was purchased as a last straw attempt to be able to take our two small children on any trip lasting longer than 3 hours 20 minutes (a surprisingly accurate number – beyond this there is screaming and mind bending horror). As we live out in the sticks, we need this to get almost anywhere besides Sydney.
Anyway, I did a quick poll around some of our older friends who were done with the kid thing to see how they coped with long trips with their kids. It turns out that they pretty much didn’t. The children (when they were awake) were universally horrendous. So, there you go. I feel a little better about it now.
The Wiggles and co keep them happy and entertained enough that we can now get in the car for a longish trip without fear that the behaviour of our little “angels” would ruin any good memories that would come from the trip.
Now you have to put up with the Wiggles. I’m only an uncle and so only had to put up with them a few times but I’m still somewhat haunted from it.
What happened to just disciplining your kids and telling them to stfu? Bloody libtards.
The Wiggles are very, very good at what they do, and I can respect that. So, that’s enough for me. It’s also much less offensive than other childrens’ TV.
As for disciplining our children, then yes we do. I used to think much as you do, but it turns out that it isn’t quite that simple.
Take two small children (both ours are under 3) and put them in a car for 3+ hours (we do have breaks of course) and they get upset, uncomfortable and bored. Discipline will only get you so far, and then beyond that you end up with a pair of desperately unhappy, crying (occasionally screaming) children. This isn’t good for you or them.
As we get older we’re better able to put up with car travel, boredom and what-not. Young children are not exactly overendowed with patience.
Try putting a small child in a seat for 1.5 hour stretches at a time with little to entertain them besides maybe a book, and see how you go. I’m not sure discipline will keep them happy/quiet for long.
Did you get driven around a bunch when you were small? I was, and was by all accounts I was very good (slept mostly). But I’m led to believe that this isn’t exactly normal. My kids don’t sleep, and even if they did, they are less likely to sleep through the night anyway.
My mother pumped us full of sleep inducing travel sickness tablets from the moment we set foot in the car. Have another “Avil” kids, you do want to get car sick….
Several of my friends have bought in-car DVD players and I always say to them
What happened to playing old fashioned games like “I spy” and “First one to see a…”??
Music, fun games and lollies / chips got us through many long car trips. In later years when we were teenagers and the three of us were squashed in the backseat of the Falcon on long road trip holidays, we used to subject our parents to the lowbrow delights of Rodney Rude and Kevin Bloody Wilson! We gave Mum a choice; a fight in the backseat or put on the Rodney tape. Rodney won…and taught my mother to swear!
Our kids are under 3. I spy and similar only works for so long, esp on the younger one.
Kevin Bloody Wilson might do the trick, but could land us in trouble.
When I was a kid, we did A LOT of car travel. 10+ hours at a time. We (my big bro and I) use to pretned that mum was a rally car driver and we were in a race, and we were winning of course! I understand that sometimes it easier to just chuck on a DVD and hope that your little ones will be entertained.
I have 3 kids, 10, 8, and 22mths. I bought a whole pack of “travel CD’s” It’s by Pasty Bisco and even my older kids will join in. We like to sing and eat and sing and eat on long trips. We’re a food-music family…LOL
I say if it works for you, then do it. You’re the only one who has to deal with cranky pants kids, so you do what you have to. I personally think that on short trips it’s stupid, but that me…maybe I’m the stupid one!
I had two kids under 3 at one stage and it can be a nightmare.
Hi-larious! ‘A one dimensional actor in 3D!’
Here is a link to the coolest ever 3D story:
http://www.popjolly.com/woman-says-she-became-pregnant-after-watching-porn-in-3d-365
I meant to add that this article may be useful to Max Markson.
Now that he seems to have lost the bingle…
Now THAT is a splatter movie!
I wonder if we’ll get the first 3D! streaker at the State of Origin. And I can’t wait for 3D! ads… might drive me back to radio.
i’ve seen one movie in 3d (alice in wonderland – still haven’t seen avatar, don’t know i can be bothered) and i have to say it added nothing except mild irritation to my eyes and a slight headache.
Don’t bother. One of the worst and most overhyped movies since Titannic.
The story was ripped off from Pocahontas or Dances With Wolves and the animals seemed to be derivative of animals found on Earth.
You also spend the whole time wondering why we can fly a few years through space but can’t build a tunnel long enough to get to the uniriginally named mineral they were there to mine
“The story was ripped off from Pocahontas or Dances With Wolves and the animals seemed to be derivative of animals found on Earth”
Doh! There is only one reason to make a 3D movie in the first place: effects. We already know 3D enhances neither actor’s art, nor writer’s craft, so there is little point in using 3D if not using it for the effects. In that regard Avatar did it well and achieved what it needed to, especially when compared with, say, 2009’s Coralina – a story which would have been far more effectively told without the 3D distraction.
Re: tunnel through space – Give it time. I believe the Japanese are working on a space ladder.
Avatar is just a massive overbudget version of Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest.
people have been working on space elevators for years… it’s a workable concept i think
Well, yes, Brimstone, but I think the problem lies in not currently being able to mass-produce the Carbon nanotubes the cable would be made of.
Still, I can’t wait for the day such a marvel of engineering is realised.
3D has been used to good effect before. It has been done. It now needs a good story and acting to back it up.
The tunnel was meant to be on the planet. If you can fly through space then surely you can use a tunnel to dig under the sacred tree and get the mineral instead of destroying the natives. Massive plot hole right there!
ALICE IN WONDERLAND was one of those ‘adapted’ to 3D after it was shot. Like the botch-job that was done on RELEASE THE KRAKEN: MAXXTREME EDITION!!
Apparently that bullshit costs about $10,000 per minute of film to retro-fit to 3D. I hope they kept their receipt.
Thats only $900 000 for an full length film. Thats nothing to Hollywood.
For everyone who doesn’t have a maxxxtreme 54″ inch flat screen TV yet because they are too expensive or they simply don’t need one, you might be able to pick one up cheap as the bogan hordes move towards buying new 3D televisions.
Avatar was a completely rubbish movie. The only thing to recommend it was the (at the time) novelty of the 3D! I suppose the advent of 3D! deserved to be unadulterated by such pedestrian concepts as plot, acting, etc.
most bogue-favoured movies are unadulterated by such pedestrian concepts as plot, acting, etc.
I’ve boycotted Avatar. This does not stop me loudly bagging it out to anyone who will listen.
still haven’t seen it, but Cameron’s early stuff was amazing. after Aliens i was ready to watch Titanic
I’ve only just seen Titanic, my daughter bought it for 10 bucks or something, so I thought I should watch it. The whole thing was a shit as originally predicted. My daughter loved it and Avatar, but she’s only 8! But at least I’ve seen it!!
I remember my ex tried to get me to watch Titanic. I got up and walked out of the room after the Kate Winslet nude scene (the only reason I’d ever want to watch that mawkish pile of claptrap).
I also remember seeing a story somewhere (I think, horror of horrors, it might’ve been on TT/ACA) about this sad old git who went to the cinema every night to watch… Titanic! He’d seen it 200 times or something. Oh well, as long as it keeps the money in circulation…
My old man is watching Avatar as we speak, never before have I had such motivation to leave the good room
I should add that the only reason it’s in this house at all is my sister spent over $100 at JB Hi-Fi and they were handing them out as coffee cup coasters or something
The 1st Terminator, Alien and Aliens are fantastic…
Alas… what happened James ???
Good Shirl, I’m glad someone is making noise about this constant crap being pushed onto us…
You’ve got to play to your strengths P!nky. Making noise is one of mine.
I make mess well, should I do that? 😉
That depends on whether you also clean up mess well.
Pinky, that’s what kids are for
I do clean up well, but I take medication for it…:P
I must disagree.
Yes, the plot was rubbish. Yes, the acting wasn’t great either. Yes, the pacing was terrible.
But I reckon they should mint two new Oscars, and give them both to James Cameron. The first should be an Oscar for maxtreme cunning (very cleverly pushes all the right buttons for massive return on investment).
The second should be for best project management in a motion picture. I’m amazed given how much new tech needed development, the number of companies involved, the sheer number of tasks, details and time, that this was ever completed. It really is extremely impressive. It was an outstanding achievement for him to bring his vision (however flawed) to completion.
As an engineer in a graphics field, I’m completely gobsmacked. However, I won’t be watching it again, because it really is terrible by pretty much every other measure besides these two.
Was it just me, or was anyone else cheering for the mercenaries when they took out the home tree? Obviously, by that stage I was over that whole Gaia Theory subplot
Avatar is like watching a video game you never get to play.
Cant wait for the maxXxtreme RPA episode when we all get to see some bogans colonoscophy in 3D!.
DEEP IMPACT(ED) THE TURD
Watch IN 3D! Brandon experience the after-effects of taking on the Outback Jacks 1kg Maxxtreme Steak in Half-Hour Challenge, attempting to shit bricks and contesting Choad Grogan in a strained-voice singoff…
Young kids could watch Pocahontas, and the more historically inclined or mature could watch Dances with Wolves or The Last Samurai. James Cameron just found a way to take this same story to the bogan masses by filming it in maxxxtreme 3D.
I think the word “historical” may only be very loosely applied to anything with Messrs Costner and Cruise in it.
The “history” in all those films is completely made up.
Ferngully is a better film than any of them, at least it has a bit of charm to it, lol.
i couldn’t believe all the fuss over avatar. It was the most predictable, intelligence insulting movie. Everyone seemed to lap it up though?
It nearly tripled the next-highest grossing film at the Australian box office. http://boxofficemojo.com/intl/australia/yearly/. TBL
Yes, even those critics who otherwise trash Hollywood. All the fanboys kept assuring us it was so marvellous. Either they loved it or James was free with his gifts.
Titanic (luckily I watched it on free to air TV) was flaccid, turgid and self indulgent. Enough to steer clear of James C for life.
Both flaccid and turgid? Well, it did also both suck and blow.
shamefully i must get off my chest the fact that i saw titanic at the movies three times. in my defense i was 14 at the time and every 14 year old girl saw that movie, but still, it is a shame i must carry.
As has been pointed out, pretty much all teenagers are bogan. I wouldn’t be concerned.
I think your bogan criminal record should be reset when your teens end.
Tugid is also I understand “tediously pompous or bombastic”
3D is flim-flam. And the only area AVATAR was innovative in was the raising of ticket prices.
Tell me about it !!! 20 bucks a pop at Chermside !!! I saw it out of curiosity and a lack of alternatives… (the only other movie playing at a convenient time was 2012…. * shudder *… )
hahahahahaha…not 3D, but oh so bogan reality. Due to my partner’s obsession with Jersey Shore (and I’ll admit, my obsession with the hope of Snookie finding love), I came across this show on iTunes. Now, MTV is presenting Australian’s with the opportunity to show off how stupid they are.
http://www.mtv.com.au/win/mtvau_16_and_pregnant__tell_us_your_story/
oh dear lord.
And allowing me to show how bad my grammar and punctuation are.
I haven’t seen Avatar (thankfully), life is too short.
From what I have heard it is bogus formula, with pretty effects and little downtrodden blue creatures who eventually stick it to the man. Classic 4th grade storytelling, orientation, compication, resolution.
Saw the Hurt Locker on a plane to HK recently and am so glad a movie like this trumped Avatar.
The only I’ve enjoyed in 3D was Up, but maybe it was because it actually had a very entertaining story.
“Saw the Hurt Locker on a plane to HK recently and am so glad a movie like this trumped Avatar.”
wonder if Bigelow had any input into Avatar or vice versa…
You do know that Ms Bigelow is Mr Cameron’s ex-wife…
that’s why I asked… apparently she talked with him when she was starting the Hurt Locker
Everything you need to know about Avatar: http://www.youtube.com/user/RedLetterMedia#p/u/2/uJarz7BYnHA
That guy is a genius. His STAR WARS reviews, while not really saying anything fans haven’t already been saying for years, are extremely funny and well-observed.
For those, like me, who have not seen Avatar, I have it on good authority that the following pretty much sums it up.
http://www.aeromental.net/2009/12/22/short-version-of-avatar-in-5-scenes-with-lolcat-speech/
there’s also this lost/avatar one: http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/02/04/lol-lost-vs-avatar/
Try this one too. It will give you more of the plot (such as it is) and plenty of giggles.
http://www.the-editing-room.com/avatar.html
The thing that really attracts the bogue to this film is that it doesn’t matter that you don’t have any training or knowledge, you can succeed where science and intelligence fails by having heart.
i think it’s more the movie industry pushing this, ’cause they need to get people back in theatres after all the piracy
there’s some fun old 3D movies. there’s one with Vincent Price that have the 3D glasses as part of the story, and he tells you to PUT THE GOGGLES ON NOW
should also note that the American execs pushing this have no idea bogans exist, and there have been non-bogue 3D flicks like Alice in Wonderland and Up
still think it’s a bit silly, but it has nothing to do with Aus
But it’s a shiny new toy of no true merit that American popular culture has foisted upon us.
That’s prime bogan-bait right there.
if you ask me Australia doesn’t have ENOUGH American pop culture. barely any Lost, Fringe, or any other decent sci-fi on TV… no Adult Swim, no Comedy Central, no angry political comedians, rock and roll relegated to ‘old people music’ as indie/electro/dance takes over, crap Internet, no culture of free speech (which is apparently a ‘bogan issue’) or human rights
America might be crazy but at least we’ve got ideals. and good pop culture
I’m fairly certain we’ve been down this road before, Brimstone, and it was a very, very, crappy road.
I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND IT!
agreed, it’s the dirt road…maybe that’s why bogans love it so
being bigger, the usa does have more good pop culture than australia, but it also has more bad pop culture. unfortunately, most of the stuff inflicted on australia is from the cesspit end of american culture.
There you have it.
Nobody asked you.
“…but it has nothing to do with Aus”
True, that. There was no Australian creative or artistic input at all.
ah wait… Sam Worthington
http://www.cracked.com/funny-4723-sam-worthington/
Sam Worthington?
Like I said, no Australian artistic input.
Things that annoy me about James Cameron
1) His smug expression like he’s the best film maker in the world.
2) Titanic, which was utterly predicatble. He turned a tragedy into some rediculous love story. What an insult to the people who died.
3) Avatar! Cameron’s complete rip off of phocohontas. When I saw it I was shocked the people around me in the cinema were taking it seriously. People were crying. I couldn’t fathom how they could take such a predictable and wooden movie seriously.
Thing that DON’T annoy me about James Cameron:
Aliens.
That is all.
Dark Star
Terminator
Terminator 2
Cameron didn’t do DARK STAR. John Carpenter did.
But I agree that ALIENS is still the best movie he has ever made. THE ABYSS a close second.
Ok. Aliens and Terminator 2.
That really is all.
how the fuck did i mess up Dark Star?
i want to see the James Cameron Aquaman movie Vinnie stars in in Entourage. with his underwater filming experience he’s the only guy who could make a good, marketable Aquaman movie
and Shirley, no love for the original Terminator? tense as hell, even if he did rip it off Harlan Ellison
Cameron’s biggest flaw (imho) is that he rips off everyone else without any acknowledgment or thanks. He ripped off “Them” in “Aliens” and he ripped off Roger Dean for a hell of a lot of the visuals in “Avatar”. I’m over forgiving him.
The original Terminator wasn’t bad but I don’t think it was anything special.
tense as hell, neat (ripped off) plot, nice visuals, no budget
h, bogans cannot be fathomed,it’s best not to try.
snob
most definitely, and i have no problem with it.
“I couldn’t fathom how they could take such a predictable and wooden movie seriously”
There’s an old saying, along the lines of the viewer’s opinion of art says more about the viewer than the art. I think this applies here.
I think this is proof that I am still a recovering bogan. A bunch of us went along to Avatar and were all of an opinion that a fun night at the movies was had.
Ok, it’s not a particularly memorable film but is a bit of harmless fun like Avatar really that bad?
just having fun isn’t bogan Mick. Having fun while terrorising other IS very bogan. Sounds like you behaved in an unboganic manner. 😀
I need to stay in more.
Haven’t yet bought a 1000 inch plasma and haven’t seen Avatar either.
I guess in 12 months time they’ll be spruiking 4D?? maybe so the bogan can keep the 100 years interest free maxxxed out at Hardly Normal’s on more electronic trash.
Is not the push to get 3D TVs into homes just collusion between News Ltd, Channel Nein and Hardly Normal? I actually believe the 3D TV will be a fad that will die in the arse, like laser-disc and the VHD player.
Also, this: http://www.11points.com/Web-Tech/11_of_the_Biggest_Abuses_of_3-D_Ever
I’d like to see “life Of Brian”in maxtreme 3D…I’m probably alone on this one!! 😀
I haven’t seen Avatar, I haven’t been into “Blockbusters” since I went and saw Independence Day, that movie pissed me off so much, everytime I see the words “Blockbuster” I refuse to go, I can’t afford to waste that much time anyway, my bladder needs the loo at least once in the 3 hours it takes to watch it.
didn’t mind independence day, the one that turned me and led me down my generally hollywood-hating path was armageddon. the combination of bruce willis’ expressionless corpse acting and ben affleck’s completely over-the-top everything all at once acting, topped off with an aerosmith song, made me want to scream.
I take it you haven’t seen “The Core”.
Worst movie that there has ever been. It’s so bad, it’s gone past the “so bad it’s good” stage and back into “bad”.
well when you sell it like that…
Excellent. I’ve done some good today 😉
Ben are you deliberately leaving the ‘j’ out of your name? Just curious. 😀
Dang. No not intentionally – thanks for pointing that out.
No worries. 😉
trolls 2
I don’t need to see Graham Chapman’s willy in 3D thanks very much.
BTW – apparently they had to use a band aid because Mr Chapman is definitely not Jewish…
OK, too much information …
Ugh… Independence Day. What a worm-infested, steaming turd of a movie that was. It was movies like that which put me off mainstream cinema – and probably saved a good many of my brains cells, so I suppose I should be grateful for that.
I can’t remember the last time I went into a Cockthruster…
I saw that bloody Armageddon movie by mistake, what a horror. The small amount I did see, made me happy that it was on FTA and it really wasn’t costing me anything. There is so much shit and not enough good stuff these days to make me go to the cinema. Last movie I saw, was Bee Movie, which was awesome.
Was Armageddon the one with Liv Tyler in it? If not, then it has no redeeming features whatsoever.
Oh, wait a minute, Steve Buscemi.
no redeeming features, even with Steve Buscemi.
I would have to say Armageddon was almost certainly the nadir of his career. Everything else I’ve seen him in? Brilliant!
I know, but it felt like a bit of Sell out on his part, did he really need to do such an awful “Crapbuster” movie?
I think I’m too much of a snob. I just can’t sit back and watch fluff pieces and ‘appreciate’ it for what it is.
I agree, Pinky… maybe he just really needed the money. That’s what I like to tell myself, anyway. It makes the world seem a brighter place.
You’re right Sten, I should lighten up a bit! LOL We’ve all done things professionally for whatever reason that we wish we hadn’t, in the words of Ned Kelly, “Such is life”
I prefer Gauguin’s outlook: “Life, being what it is, one dreams of revenge”.
But that’s just me.
Mmmm… Blue side-boob… easily the best part of Avatar.
Well since everyone is throwing rocks at Avatar thought I might stick up for it. The plot is a “seen it before got the tee” affair but on the big screen in 3D it certainly looks great. A fun couple of hours of mindless entertainment imho, not all movies need to be academy award level some simply seek to entertain.
http://movieheretic.com/forums/index.php?act=reviews&CODE=03&id=415
Not entirely convinced by 3D to be honest, it also had a run in the 1980s when horror was trying to attract people to the cinema.
Yeah, I enjoyed it. Corny in spots, Sam W. was more wooden than the Supertree and the thing was underplotted to buggery, but I got a buzz out of the 3D and didn’t feel ripped off. Unlike Roger Dean…
Whats all this talk about bogans buying 3d televisions. Bogans dont work so how are they going to afford them. The closest thing a bogan comes to owning a large flatscreen plasma tv is buying a cheap and nasty AWA plasma from big W or K mart.
You have much to learn about the nature of the bogan.
You need to read the article on the true nature of bogan.
https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/about/
I wonder if any of these 3D aficionados have ever considered going to see a play?
Yep. Shane the musical.
Using ones natural depth of field is too much work for the bogan. So is adjusting to a 2D image on a screen that has already had the focus pre-defined for the viewer.
No, the bogan needs to be grabbed by the collar and be told THIS IS MORE 3D THAN REAL LIFE! Forget telling a story through the art of cinematography, you need to be FLOORED with actors in front of a green-screen dropped into ALMOST LIFE-LIKE COMPUTER GRAPHICS to distract you from the fact you’re watching a pretentious cartoon in disguise!
I don’t know how true this is, I got it off Wil Anderson’s Facebook page, but apparently there is going to be “kylie” the musical. The bogans will loose their minds, Kulcha and Our Kylie…**runs of to vomit**
Shirl,
Not only that but they could have 3D sport by going to the footy ?
Precisely. But I guess actually 3D isn’t as maxXtreme as digital 3D!
Shirl,
The digital 3D is when they are at the footy giving the finger to the other team !
sssshhh!
If only we could get the bogans to stay at home all weekend watching 3D whatever the fuck, then we could all go out in peace!
shirly i have bogan friends. i know what kind of tv’s they have.
https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/about/
ohhhh i forgot about those kind of bogans. sorry shirley i stand corrected.
I wouldn’t mind a repeat viewing of series one and two of Gilligan’s Island and Anne of Green Gables in maxXxtreme 3D!
F#ck YEAH!!! ( senseless and meaningless affirmation required).
Sam Worthington – the Brian Brown of the 21st century. A professional Aussie like Michael Caine is a professional cockney.
I want Nigella Lawson in 3d …Yummy Mummy
Second that.
Mid 90’s Nigella for sure.
Dunno if she has trimmed down lately, but you’d need cinema sized 3D screen to fit her 2008 gunt.
Silence, philistine! I will have nothing bad said about Nigella!
Sten
Thank you, Nigella is a real Mans Woman. No little scrawney chick that she would make stock from..
Great chef, lovely woman and beautiful too – don’t get me wrong.
If they could 3D most of her but 2D her gunt and cankles, then I am all for it.
Sam, what’s a gunt? Excuse my ignorance 😕
Gunt example and definition, foul language warning:
http://img347.imageshack.us/i/fatplumpbbw040xj.jpg/
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gunt
Mr P!nky adores her and I’m not exactly big so I get a bit annoyed that she’s such babe and I’m a “scrawny chick” 😦
She sure is. Quite possibly the perfect woman… her Jewish good looks, sultry voice and lack of pretension…
Damn, I reckon I’m going to need a cold shower now…
Sten, your a man after my own heart, and if you’re not a man, you’re a chick after my own heart…:D
I’m most assuredly a bloke, Pinky.
Don’t forget Lost in Space in 3D… that would be a total blast!
surprised they never tried to make one in the 60s
This new release movie seems to encapsulate a number of previous posts:
“Street Dance 3D” –
“In order to win the Street Dance Championships, a dance crew is forced to work with ballet dancers from the Royal Dance School in exchange for rehearsal space.”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1447972/
With reference to earlier comments made about James Cameron – his diverse topics for movies and subsequent successes of said movies have certainly made him a very wealthy man. Just think for a moment, if you dare, if he could make a movie about … you guessed it… bogans, Australian ones. Imagine what would transpire.
Bogan in 3d
Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a race of people called Bogans. Uber Director James Camerons new film opens up worlds previously unimagined in maxxtreme 3d. Watch as they get a new tatt, thrill to the love scene where Brandon sneaks up behind Kaiesha after a six pack of Woodies and explores the nether regions. Be shocked when a mistimed Donkey punch leads to a trip to hospital. Coming soon to a screen near you Bogan in 3d.
If a mistimed punch leads to a trip to the hospital, what does a well-timed punch lead to? A trip to the morgue/jail?
Apparently a trip over the moon.
A well timed donkey punch – if that is your thing – leads to happy time:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=donkey%20punch
‘bogan’ was George Lucas’ original name for Sith
So TBL is it coincidence that the bogue in the front row is wearing the classic 3 stripe tracksuit attire for the 3D viewing? Or did you plan it that way?
We set the whole shot up. We have considerable clout these days…TBL
Sibyl,
Unfortunetely for my career prospects I’m the opposite of wooden. I’d love to be wooden actually as it would probably mean I would get more work done in the office instead of creeping on Things Bogans Like all day. All the wooden folk in my office seem to get a heck of alot of work done.
I am quite predicatble though, in that I’m a bit of a hipster cliche. Doesn’t mean I will enjoy a predicatble phocohontas rip off though.
*predictable
Hhmm Bogan 3D! The Movie.
Just think of the hilarity when the bogan cast and crew playing the bogan ‘characters’ actually show up to accept their Razzy during awards season!
I can only imagine the content of their acceptance speeches.
Also the trip to the Razzys would involve Destinnee and Leigh-ham actually needing passports.
‘Can’t be fucked’ is the likely outcome of that so they’ll instead happily take their seat at a back row table at the Logies, Next to the Huey from ‘Hueys cooking adventures’ and that stupid high-pitched voice lady from ‘Hey Hey’. Oh and Morag from ‘Home and Away’ will be seated at the same table.
Has anyone concidered what the news hour will be like with 3D close ups of cunts getting glassed?
Or camera men getting glassed ? just immagine the jagged edge of broken glass comming straight out of the scrteen at you.
God bogans will be in raptures
and hopefully have a heart attack from all the Mother they have consumed…
That’s awful…I’m a bad pinky…
Au contraire, my dear Pinky… I always thought Australia needed a bit of selective depopulation… this could be the solution!
Sten, I was expecting to be slammed for that comment. There are some on here that hate me…
I wish we could somehow change their brain chemicals to make the normal. I’m a nurse and dealing with Les Bouge when they’re sick, is a FUCKING nightmare, cause they know all about medicines and shit, because they watch All Saints
That’s my whinge…
Why would you get slammed, Pinky? Surely we’re all here because we are irked by/dislike/detest/loath/hate Bogues?
But yeah, Bogues and medicine? Of course they know all there is to know. If Channel Nein has a show about it, the Bogue has an Honours degree on the relevant subject.
This is your bog standard thread hijack:
the purpose is to create a new feature at TBL:
Ask James Hunter.
James Hunter:
a business acquaintance likes nothing more than to tease me. he recently purchased a garden gnome for the garden at his country property and when visitors look at it askance, he claims that I was the donor so he cannot remove it. should I feel pleased to be the supposed donor of a retro chic item or should I seek revenge by giving the gnome a Facebook page where he tells tall tales from the garden? my personal views on his teasing are that it is nothing short of passive-aggressive behaviour. however i am steadfastly determined to remain the preux chevalier in this situation despite the scoundrel being anything but preux.
what-ho?
Peter
Question for fellow TBL peeps:
Do I watch Avatar or do I not? I lost 3 hours of life I cannot get back watching Titanic.
Will it be the same with Avatar? 😕
I went to see Avatar after husband insisted that we go when it was his turn to pick a movie. I surprisingly enjoyed it (although it is probably about 1/2 an hour too long). The story line is trite and the refrences to ‘unobtainium’ were painful. It is, however, visually quite a beautiful movie if you like pretty colours and plants etc. I am not sure it will cross over well to a 2D small screen though. Let’s put it this way…if you can avoid paying to go and see it, and you don’t have anything better to do for a couple of hours then give it a go. Don’t expect intricate story lines, just treat it for what it is…a hi-tech pretty piece of fluff!
I thought unobtainium was a joke! I had no idea it was actually PART of the storyline. My boycott stance has just been firmly cemented.
With you Shirl. Any movie that thinks its audience is so dumb it can get away with unobtanium is not getting my money, the f*ckers. Can we resurrect Stanley Kubrick, he would punch Cameron in the nose.
Yep…it is central to the story line…the whole reason the big bad humans (or little bad humans in this case, as humans are much smaller than the blue people) want to overrun this planet is to mine all of the ‘unobtanium’!
Thanks T-ra, I guess since my kids have the DVD I can really start watching and if it makes me ill, then I’ll turn it off. Sounds easy when put like that…;)
we just finished watching avatar on a fifteen inch laptop screen. It might be a visual spectacular in giant screen form, otherwise it contributes nothing to modern cinema.
I do believe Man vs. Wild is another thing bogans like…get on it TBL… =D
Doesn’t everybody like Man vs. Wild?
I ❤ that crazy mutherf*cker.
If we must go down this path, the Bush Tucker Man would kick his arse. That said, I only watch Man Vs Wild in the slight hope he comes off second best with a Stingray
But it is different because Bear Grylls is genuinely awesome- to both bogan and not.
He’s a fake, and it has been proven but as usual the bogan masses are seduced by their heroes.
oh my god..Bear (Edward) Grylls is a complete knob. “when I was in special forces…” each episode follows a predictable set of events which include: scrambling down a rockface, building a shelter and then sleeping somewhere else, eating some poor thing while it’s still wriggling, talking about the special forces, and his bare bum.
After seeing Titanic I swore I would rather have an enema with the fluids introduced via the mouth than watch another James Cameron film. Yet I enjoyed Avatar. Then promptly forgot about it.
But like I said earlier I am a recovering bogan so my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. And garlic. A cross and a silver bullet may also come in handy.
Oops, that was supposed to be a reply for Pinky.
I’d have to say I would be joining you. I will do everything to never have to experience it again…:S
** 😕
With Titanic what I did was just fast forward all the sappy shit and just watch the end when everyone dies. That was cool. Especially the bit when the policeman gives up trying to order everyone and just shoots himself in the head. Funny.
The special effects in Avatar were great. So it’s worth watching for about half an hour until you get over it. The story is just the same old trite and banal libtard thing where the savages are awesome and the white man sucks balls. So you can’t really blame the bogan for the story. If they had their way they would have changed the story so that the savages got nuked and then the white men went and got pissed and had anal sex.
I disagree. The bogan loves it how it is. Makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
This gives him racial compassion points so later on in the night when he bags the gooks, lebos, currymunchers and whoever else is ruining the social fabric of this fine country he can say “I’m not racist, I always support the underdog. Avatar is my favourite movie of all time.”
Maybe. It’s a huge irony that the bogan needs the immigrants so he can remain the poxy CUB he is by building McMansions and globalisation so he can work in the moines.
Hi Martin,
Just a quick question – what is a libtard?
I’m guessing that the “tard” in the final syllable is a contraction of “retarded”. But what does the “lib” mean? Does it refer to the Liberal Party? Or libertarianism? Or liberalism of the John Stuart Mill mould?
I’m not having a go at you or anything – but you do seem to quite like using the word, and I’ve never heard anybody else in the world use it!
It means the loony left. Unfortunately it leads to confusion because the Australian Liberal Party are a bunch of neo con hard ons and are the polar opposite.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=libtard&defid=1454864
In Australia, liberal means right wing, or is this used universally?
Due to the Liberal Party choosing the name that they did, there have been decades of confusion surrounding this term in Australia. “Small L liberalism” is the internationally accepted definition of liberalism, and it’s associated with progressive (as opposed to conservative) social philosophy. “Big L liberalism” refers to the parliamentary party in Australia, which is towards the conservative end of the spectrum. TBL
that’s what I thought. I think I’m a libtard…lefty…am I up for ridicule now? Well more so than normal? 😉
If it wasn’t for 3D, I wouldn’t have been able to discern that the cowboy riding into the distant sunset was getting further away, rather than being shrunk by a raygun from the sun.
i posted this further up, meant to put it down here but screwed it up, so here it is again:
there’s a new bogan favourite ‘event’ on facebook – punch a slut in the head week. full of the expected bad spelling, lack of punctuation, and, of course, much advocacy of violence. and the person who made it is named teejay, an incredibly bogan name.
How is that even allowed PB? I don’t know about the laws and stuff with regards to FB and it’s pages, but I didn’t think advocating violence was something that we allowed?
Very frightening.
it isn’t allowed, but of course facebook doesn’t know anything about it until it gets reported – which i have now done. basically facebook can only enforce its conditions of banning any violent content when people let it konw about that content.
Oh okay. Well that’s good to know. I’m such a Luddite sometimes 😛
Some 3D things are cool, like creature from the black lagoon and some of the special IMAX films, the nascar one was fun and so was the indycar one (I have a soft spot for oval racing).
There have been a few 3D IMAX films that have been quite good, then again they are more of a specticle than a legitamate film.
Bugger 3D, we wil settle for 3G. Digital Wilderness is a scary place.
We’ve not seen avatar either, though it’s on the computer Chubby says. I remain amazed at the prevalence of circus over substance, but there you go, peasant predilections make the world go ’round these days. The latest geegaw for the imaginationally challenged. To show their friends.
Chubby is enamoured of the “blue side boob” line. We are surprised that bare blue boobs were excluded from such prime bogue fodder, following the “National Geographic” philosophy of old, where it was fine to show boobs, so long as they were of a different colour.
In reports from the field, in our drive across western NSW, we are surprised at the dearth of southern cross stickers, despite the preponderance of utes.
And we are gladdened by the absence of advertising on every vertical surface. We passed a few nights in a tiny town which had quaint fourth rate murals where billboards should be. A good giggle for we sophisticates, but really sweet at the same time.
Ahh. You made it.
No 3G there? Telstra 3G seems to be in most places (all I can get here) and seems ok, if ridiculously expensive. If that isn’t available, then you can get a subsidy for satellite internet (free installation). This’ll be laggy but pretty fast.
Good luck with it all. You’ll know you have crossed over when you start complaining about small town traffic 😉
Benji,
Im 2Km from Greenhills Shopping centre and 500 mtr from East Maitland TAFE and I can not get ADSL 2+ !! Just prooves we are a technology based country ?
This is true, you can get Satellite Internget subsidies in rural areas from the government. However, most of the time it is a subsidy on the monthly subscription. Free installation is something that is often run as a promotion from the satellite internet service companies. I have a blog about this satellite internet I thing you will like. It is at mybluedish.com/blog. What are your thoughts on some of my articles?
Alas, no subsidies available if I van get 3G broadband. So, that’s it for me 😦
Probably the same for Edna and Chubby.
@ Marty.
we have appropriated the term “libtard”.
hope you don’t mind.
Martin.
sorry.
(not marty. I don’t want to be Eddie)
No worries. I didn’t invent it.
love coming back to read all the new entries. you guys get better and better. keep the fab work up.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/237110/output/print
Ebert hates it
@Benjamin.
we have 3G at the block. Edna and I are road tripping to the top end for a few months. We have tenants at Narrybogue until Nov. Good friends, we’ll be there next week for a few days.
Good tip on the sattelite hook up though. Have some drop out technoferal friends in north qld who will be interested!
re: small town syndrome, we are a solid part of the local indignance at a proposed traffic light on the main street(the first ever in town). Peak hour will be a nightmare!
🙂 Enjoy. Nothing like shared indignance.
Alas, if you are within the 3G area, you probably can’t get the subsidies. IIRC the subsidies for Satellite are only available if there is no other way to get broadband in your area (and 3G is considered broadband).
If you have an ABN, Telstra has business plans that can be a bit cheaper.
Note – this is not an advert. I really don’t like Telstra! We do have ADSL in our area but it is so woefully underprovisioned that there are never any ports available. They’d rather not allow competitors to use the ADSL lines (and so don’t provide enough of them) and instead sell us wireless at enormous cost ($119/mo for 10GB!).
Simultaneously locking out competitors through insufficient infrastructure *and* charging double for wireless broadband? There is someone at Telstra who is getting a pat on the back for that one. Genius.
Chubby and Edna,
Have a smashing time, missing your comments!!
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/playboy-goes-3d-20100512-uw9p.html?autostart=1
O look, Playboy heard you guys.
Edna and Chubby, you are missed but enjoy!
SD, that’s not nice…I will never be able to sleep again!! 😉
Not even with that wine glass that will be proferred to you?!
Though I don’t think its the 3d wine glass the bogue is after…..
No, I don’t think wine will save me this time… I’m scared… 😕
Te he, I’m a long time reader, first time poster.
I couldnt resist when I saw this article
entertainment/celebrity/playboy-goes-3d-stop-drooling/story-e6frfmqi-1225865300257
Playboy Centrefold goes 3D!
When will it ever stop?!
Sten ,
the real problem with the world is that there is no way out of it alive
Well sure, but James, why this gloomy observation?
I just saw (Things)2 Bogans (Like)2
Can you add Peter’s blog to it?!
I hope we may get a post about hair replacement clinics. I saw an ad for one last night and it said that on the first visit to the hair replacement clinic you get a free hair cut???!!!! Caused my wife to ROFLCOPTER.
Also noted a follow up to the diet coke woman who is going cold turkey on ACA soon.
Picture this: you’re in mixed company and a topic de jour comes up for discussion, e.g. misspelt kid’s names, goldbuyers, tribal tattoos, money for nothing or indeed even the diet coke cold turkey woman. Being a TBL blogger, you make your opinion known when asked (or perhaps even when not directly asked). Your opinion inflames certain members of said group who proceed to (a) give you dirty looks, (b) disparage you as a “snob” or insensitive, (c) say “what do you know anyway” and (d) all of the above. How do you deal with this overwhelming show of dissent?
Glass the c@nts and remind them of your free speech rights
I just kind of phase out and play ‘The Girl From Ipanema’ in my head.
I get called “Middle Class ” Like it’s a insult. I, like you Miss Dahl, have no problem pointing out thinks that bogan’s do with or without an invitation, I usually don’t care, but sometime I get a bug up my arse and just point out why bogans are a blight on the human species, otherwise, don’t join in and just laugh…heaps easier than trying to talk to these people…
I like Mick’s idea too.
Ahh Ms Dahl this is a scenario I have lived through many times before. Choosing to live ‘a life less bogan’ can be a lonely road at times. I, through bitter experience, have learnt that at times it is just better to keep your mouth shut, depending on the company…but some people who appear ‘normal’ often turn out to be the biggest bogans on the planet, so you are bound to offend at least one bogan’s sensibilities at least once a week. Just stay strong and do your best to rise above it. After all, there is just as there is no point in banging your head against a brick wall, there is no point in fighting with a bogan….becasue they will always know more than ‘youse’!
The great irony is that I find bogans to be bigger ‘snobs’ in that they are far quicker to exclude anyone who doesn’t share the same views, as opposed to people who are a little more open minded and willing to think outside the box from time to time.
Miss Dahl,
Mix with different people. Good luck.
or if you were me proceed to argue with them just for the fun of it.
Off topic, but The Coke Zero swamp donkey is going cold turkey on ACA tonight!!
Sweet Baby Jesus, I just broke a house rule to watch this story which was pretty boganific but it was the lead in story about suing the banks over unfair fees which made my blood boil. Bloody banks ripping off the battlers who overdraw their accounts continuously so they can’t buy their sons new footy boots because the fees take all their money and it’s not fair and we are launching a class action and it won’t cost a cent unless we win and then the lawyers get 25% of all money recovered plus fees and battlers and bloody banks and and…Simply Red song!
Viv, “swamp donkey” is such a perfect descriptor for her and her type. ****
Oooh – Can someone please post the ACA link?
We have to thank Tombarina for the “Swamp Donkey” title (I think the original title was “Coke Swilling Swamp Donkey”. As much as I wish i could say it was mine… I used it in her honour and absence, knowing she would want it that way!
Sten,
From above “I prefer Gauguin’s outlook: “Life, being what it is, one dreams of revenge”.”
I am a bit of an Aussie history nut (not uni or anything just nerding it up on my own) so I love Neddy. I like your quote, very apt, I shall use it next time I am in need of a ‘summing up life in someone else words because I’m lazy’ moment. 😀
I admire Ned Kelly myself, Pinky. And not for the reason the Bogues do… Ned actually had quite the social conscience, and of course, was a product of his times… a pissed-off Irish Catholic living in an English Protestant country. The two were bound to clash sooner or later.
Ask James Hunter # 2 – the second attempt.
James Hunter
A standing weekly booking is held at a local chophouse for a table of up to eight. it’s a dependable joint; gingham-clothed tables, Mateus bottle candelabra, efficient staff (most of whom have overstayed their visas), and (at times) a raffish clientele who, typically, made money in the import/export or property development areas, but have horrid taste.
A sporty atmosphere makes this place a stimulating Friday lunch spot. e.g liberties taken with the menu haven’t (thus far) resulted in poisoning from the scullions. and the ubiquitous “complimentary ports” (often incorporated into the bill anyway, including the ones guzzled by the boozy waiter) are always offered.
But due to a massive workload throughout the past fortnight the booking has not been honoured. the manager dude: ponytailed, (i kid you not) who wears jeans with a blazer, just phoned the office and started getting frightfully charlie about the whole thing. I mean, i thought the skirt on reception would have had the common sense to cancel. It’s not as if she does anything all day. Alas she didn’t. As the place is enjoyed by both by staff and clients, it is now left to me to sort this mess out. What should I say?
Peter
Dear Peter,
I suggest you ring the poor bloke you stiffed and humbly apologise.
Love James.
Peter,
Tell them that since you cannot pass the buck to anyone else you have to tell him yourself that as they do not have Zero Coke on the drink list you and your buddies are going somewhere else.
Don’t talk to him. Please guys.
Pinky,
You be right but realy i did like Simon( aka my alterself) ‘s answere better then my own.!!
You have to feel sorry for the bogans who dished out $5000 for Plasmas who would now be salivating at the idea of reality TV becoming reality thanks to some dorky glasses.
I imagine, with all these utterly bullshit ‘3D’ TVs going on sale now, that there will be legions of easily-led bogans flocking to get their interest-free loans to acquire a new 106-inch 3D TV for the sitting room in the McMansion.
But only after they realise that you A) can’t sit outside of about a 17% radius of the centre of the screen, and… b) you are not supposed to drink alcohol to enjoy the dubious wonders of 3D that the bogan will decry the television.
And it will very soon be relegated to exile in Jyleshia and Bryalanna-Mae’s room in the east wing for all time.
Until it ends up in The Trading Post (or Quokka in Perth), along with the other five score of them, selling at a fraction of their initial value.
It’s a mug’s game trying to stay ahead of the technological curve: I bought myself a 80 cm (32″) widescreen CRT telly eight years ago for the princely sum of $3000 (knocked down from $3800 RRP). For that price now, I could choose from a 117 cm (46″) LED-LCD screen (a fine choice) or a 127 cm (50″) plasma in 3D!!!. However, back in late 2002, a 106 cm (42″) plasma—not in HD, either—set one back the extortionate sum of $10 000.
At least my TV, whilst not being any higher than 576 lines of standard definition, isn’t completely obsolete, having a 16:9 screen ratio, and basically was the apogee of CRT tech, a technological dead end as it were. And it’ll probably outlast the earlier plasma screens, which are notorious for having a short half-life, where the screen only has half of its intensity of new.
I must be an antibogan, given I have no plans for replacement, until it is unfeasible to service it (hasn’t required any repairs at all) and when i do, energy use and longevity will be my first considerations (ergo LED-LCD would be my choice, but maybe OLED will be then be viable).
[…] 22 11 2010 While the bogan has embraced Underbelly to the extent that it is now being shot in an additional dimension, this shudderingly deep love of watching re-enactments of local organised crime has come up short […]
I think this topic may need to be re-visited, because I’m genuinely interested to find out if anyone out there knows of any bogans who have been suckered into buying a 3D television.
I’m sure there has to be some out there. And I’m sure they went and got a bunch of them for Jaydin, Kaydin, Braydin and Lakeisha’s rooms in the east wing of the McMansion.
Thankfully we’re finally seeing the decline in the 3D gimmick. Hopefully it will be gone completely within two years and the Harvey Norman’s 23% interest rates will have kicked in.