#133 – Celebrities’ Opinions

27 04 2010

As has been discussed at length in this convenient hutch of boganic knowledge, the Bogan likes to have an opinion. But the process of careful aggregation and analysis of the available data, or long sessions spent staring deep into the inky, abstract ether, takes too long in delivering the simple and concrete answers the Bogan requires immediately.  As a result, the Bogan will leave as many stones unturned as possible in seeking out the most convenient shortcut to forming its opinion. The opinions of celebrities are heartily embraced by bogans for this very reason. The bogan believes celebrities embody all that is perfect and unattainable in the temporal realm, so it makes itself a willing vessel for their vacuous musings, which are made readily available to the bogan through the ever-expanding, life giving tentacles of the malevolent trashmedia.

If there’s something that excites a bogan even more than an unqualified celebrity’s worthless opinion, it’s an unqualified celebrity’s worthless opinion on a worthless topic.  This is why there were high fives aplenty in the office the day some callous arsehole invented Bert Newton’s 20 to One. A low-balling festival of yawn, this show features unremarkable people discussing banal, pathetic and advertiser-friendly topics such as “Worst Haircuts”, “Greatest Logies Moments”, and “Hilarious Celebrity Blunders”. Obviously this show is a TV producer’s wet dream. Not only does it mainly consist of outtakes and archival footage, but it allows Bert Newton, perennial recipient of an honorary toupee gag at every ‘TV Event’, to be wheeled out again as an example of just how truly embarrassing this country’s entertainment industry is. Celebrity opinion on this rotisserie of shit is provided by a revolving cast of desperate ex-soap stars and reality TV also-rans. And Richard Wilkins.

The bogan, true to form, laps it up like a dog does its own sick. Situated not far from the oft-spatulated base of the TV barrel, somewhere in between Hey Hey it’s Saturday and TV shows made up of the most popular things on YouTube the previous week, this sort of show used to be served up in the form of once-off outtakes and bloopers specials, whenever there was a hole in a network’s programming that needed to be filled as cheaply as possible.  The bogan liked these, and wanted more of them. So in the ever-changing, never amazing world of network TV, where the bogan dollar is king, the bogan can now rely on this torrent of televisual smegma every week.


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275 responses

27 04 2010
djm

Not just opinions: fashion, diets, relationship details, spats, holiday destinations, product endorsement or any other banal minutiae.

27 04 2010
Sten

What a dreadful, dreadful show… faux lesbianism, celebrity tanties, “social commentary” by z-list celebrities… this show has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, apart from perhaps being able to keep Bogan arses on couches and out of everybody else’s hair. it’s certainly down there with that other staple of low-cost Bogan programming, Australia’s “Funniest” Home Videos.

In all seriousness, it beggars belief that anybody with two brain cells to rub together would ever watch Channel Nein. Nein danke, indeed!

27 04 2010
Kim

“Spatulated” is possibly the greatest yet TBL word of the day. And THAT is saying something.

27 04 2010
vivisection

My favourite term is “Social Commentator” = cockhead ie Prue McSween etc.

7 06 2010
gossip

Me too!

27 04 2010
Shirley M

And then there was Channel 10s ‘Spearman Experiment’ which was exactly the same thing except that the bogans voted for the most controversial moment in Australian television or some other crap. You would have thought the bogans would have liked having control over the definitive list, but I guess you’re right TBL. The opinions of barely celebrities are the necessary precursor to the bogan having an opinion at all.

27 04 2010
David

The first deposit of faecal matter left by a celebrity’s offspring is another thing bogans like. Remember how the bogan stared in confused awe at the bronze cast of Britney Spears’ child’s poop?
I’m surprised Angelina Jolie didn’t embrace her bogan love and released an “XTREME LTD ED.” series of replicas from all of her adopted children’s droppings to sell for some breast cancer charity, something else bogans will devote their finances to, providing there are tacky little ribbons to be had.

27 04 2010
Sten

I thought that was Tome Cruise/Katie Holmes’ brat? The only reason I remember this is because they’re Scientologists, and as much as I go for tolerance and all that, Scientology is a step too far.

27 04 2010
David

Yes it was, I should check my facts next time.

27 04 2010
Phil

TBL and fellow commenters, allow me to give a brief biography off by heart on this prick who won’t admit his baldness

‘It allows Bert Newton, perennial recipient of an honorary toupee gag at every ‘TV Event’, to be wheeled out again’.

Excellent like by the way TBL.

This fat old hack has has been hogging the TV spotlight and holding back young talent in the industry for nearly 50 years.
He started his career as a sidekick to the late Greame Kennedy in the show ‘In Melbourne Tonight’, then a sidekick to Don Lane in the ‘Don Lane Show’ in the 70’s (never had his own show due to having NO TALENT whatsoever so he has to stand next to whitter people to make himself look good) then ‘Good Morning Australia’ in the 90’s and now he’s sold out to the lowest common denominator with 20 to 1 this trash.
When Bert Newton dies I expect the execs will dig up his corpse and digitally enhance him to make him look like he’s still alive. He’ll be filling up our screens for years to come.

27 04 2010
Shirley M

There are only 2 Australian ‘celebrities’ that annoy me more than Bert. Matthew and Pattie Newton. Not even Bert’s own bloody wife can resist the f*cking boring toupee jokes.

27 04 2010
Phil

Matthew Newton’s acting is part of the reason why Underbelly 2 failed. His character had no personality and Im sure he got the role by having the Newton name.

27 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Agreed. Badly miscast, although I did see him in an excellent Syd Theatre Company production called Rock n Roll. Tom Stoppard thing. Great play and Newton was perfect.

27 04 2010
Shirley M

No personality and a horrible, frequently present naked bottom.

I hate him.

27 04 2010
vivisection

Don’t leave out the vacuous fashion reporter sister, Lauren.

28 04 2010
Fiona

My friends brother took her to his Year 12 formal (back in the day when she was Year 12 too) and she left him at the after party to get off with someone else outside.

I find her smile creepy, she’s clearly learnt all her showbiz tricks off mum who’s still in “tits-and-teeth” 1960’s dancing school mode.

28 04 2010
Nelson Esq

A couple of years ago, Mrs Nelson and I went to see Mark Seymour perform at the zoo; you know the deal, pack a picnic and get pissed on Sav Blanc, listening to music while the lions roar in the background. We got there early and decided to look at some animals. Heading down this pathway towards the elephants, sitting on a bench were Matthew Newton, his girlfriend Miranda Otto, Lauren Newton and Matt Welsh. They were all looking glum, not saying a word to anyone, let alone each other. Their sad faces made them all look like depressed, captive animals themselves. All they needed was a sign next to them with their biological name in Latin (Showbiz familius Newtonicus) and they would have easily been passed off as a zoo exhibit. It reminded me of that old Goodies episode with the family of Rolf Harris’s which escape from the London zoo.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You should have done The Funky Gibbon for them Nelson to cheer them up.

28 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I think I would have prefered to perform Ecky Thump on them!

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good idea, plant glass in the pudding for extra effect.

28 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Did they have a little sign out front saying “Celebrities – please acknowledge”?

28 04 2010
Antosha

Did they ride there on their four-wheeled inline bicycle?

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Don’t forget Matthew Newton’s ridiculous Kiwi accent. Worst attempt at another country’s accent ever (including all of the hopeless Americans who’ve attempted ours).

28 04 2010
Shirley M

What is it with you people reminding me of Newton facts?

I don’t WANT to know!! 😉

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Patti was recently on Spicks and Specks and it was toupe jokes left, right and centre. Just thought you might like to know Shirl.

28 04 2010
Shirley M

I had the pleasure of witnessing that first hand, Simon. That woman actually terrifies me.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

There is only one cure Shirl, Shiraz.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Though a pinot might be gentler on the stomach at this time of morning

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Or a nice sparkling shiraz?

28 04 2010
Shirley M

Only white spirits are acceptable before 11am. Preferably in the form of Bloody Marys.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Is that how you got through the seemingly endless years of GMA with Bert?

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I find soaking huge cannabis buds in gin for a year produces an acceptable tonic.

28 04 2010
Shirley M

Nah. I got through those years by not watching it.

5 05 2010
William Shatner pants

If you want to be mortified by the worst attempt at an NZ accent EVER, then I suggest you look no further than a dodgy 80’s Steve Guttenberg featured flick titled “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me”

27 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

What about his infomercial daughter? Women’s Day wet dream. I nearly threw up in Safeway when I saw her face air-brushed to an inch of it’s life with the slogan “My mum is my best friend” SPEW.

What’s the daughters name again? She’s married to that swimmer dude with the big mouth.

27 04 2010
vivisection

lauren – see above

27 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Thanks Viv, do you think the Newton’s are really androids?

27 04 2010
vivisection

Either that or some form of misguided alien race trying to win over the greater boganity so they can plunder our natural resources. mmmm that sounds familiar, don’t let Bert near the tree..

27 04 2010
PilbaraMatt

Haha, Bert Newton is an alien; and a bald, unremarkable twat of an alien at that. Several of my friends and I consider a few noteworthy celebrities to be aliens. James Brown pre-extinction on account of his movements and wrong helmet hair, Bindi Irwin for – well, have you ever seen her
interviewed? The alien invasion has begun, in full view of the unsuspecting bogan…

28 04 2010
vivisection

I’m beginning to wonder about Jermaine Jackson too- that painted on hair is highly suspicious.

27 04 2010
dizzy

hahaha I know someone whole stole the badge off his Jag…. Don’t piss off a delviery guy, Bert!

27 04 2010
Jo

Don’t forget Bert’s hosting gig on Family Feud, I can’t think of anyone else that has managed to stay in television so long without having achieved anything or been successful in any way

27 04 2010
Shirley M

Richard Wilkins

27 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Rove, Eddie…..

27 04 2010
pb

i’m convinced richard wilkins is actually a cyborg.

27 04 2010
j-ho

They have already done this, have a look at him. He already looks CGI.

28 04 2010
sideshow

They didnt do a very good job he is only half finished.

27 04 2010
Glass 'em all

A good and timely post. Opinions are indeed like arseholes – everyone has one and most people talk through them. Problem with celebs is that the “malevolent trashmedia” (nice one) follows them round with pads and recorders maing sure we all get the benefit of their lofty insight.

btw I see the Younger Newton has checked into celebrity rehab this day – doubtless his opinions will be that much more credible when he is cured and forgiven in, oh, about a week.

27 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

And no doubt when he comes out he’ll now be qualified to work with kids.

27 04 2010
dizzy

“The bogan, true to form, laps it up like a dog does its own sick”

Possibly the best line I’ve ever read on the blog!!

27 04 2010
Sheriffstruggle

Almost as good as “rotisserie of shit”. Absolute gold.

27 04 2010
Matt

Very closely followed by “televisual smegma”.

This post made my day 😀

28 04 2010
ThomThom

all three lines truly magnificent – bravo TBL

27 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

It is dim stuff isn’t it, though.

Yet it still rates (presumably), all of which simply means the bogue outnumbers us. Or those people meters are concentrated in bogue homes. I wonder how they do the selection?

If you’ve ever wondered how and why those C & D grade celebs get chosen… Being on the fringe of this world, what happens is the scheleb’s Agent hawks them to the producers on a ‘sctrach mine this time, and I’ll scratch yours next’ kind of basis. Generally the scheleb has some other Nein program to spruik or a book project, new tour, whatever. It’s all part of climbing the cat pole of fame. Tough gig, trying to be being famous, I say.

I love my daily TBL dose, but the realisation of how so much bogueness infects our daily lives gets me down a bit.

27 04 2010
Fiona

Ugh 20 to 1 makes me want to scratch my eyes out!!

They spend so much money on the horribly unworthy Two and a Half Men that they’ve no money for anything else so they trot this cheap shit out that costs about $20 to make cos everyone’s B-grade and therefore happy to appear for free.

What’s even worse is the way they explain the clip before they show it. Either it’s a fucking poor description or you’ve fucking told me!!! Why am I going to watch it now!? *breathes out*

28 04 2010
Will S

Ch9 and tabloid papers target everything at a ~10 year old audience… they have to explain it first, and then make sure they use lots of sound effects and pictures.

27 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

“Celebrity” in this context strikes me as a peculiarly “british” phenomenon. (The US expression of the phenomena seems to focus more around the red carpet movie premiere types), but poms seem keen to bestow the mantle on anyone who has ever appeared, however fleetingly, on a TV screen. Be it on big brother, a tesco commercial or a parliamentary scandal. For reasons I choose not to divulge in this most erudite of “salons repartee”, I have been exposed to the notion of british ‘celebrity’ via Celebrity Masterchef, Celebrity Come Dine With Me and Celebrity Wife Swap (All UK productions) Not recognizing any of the roster, I formed the conclusion that these were all low ranked somebodies who were either trying to create a public profile or mantain one in the twilight of their careers. The australian version of the phenom seems bent towards maintaining the profile of the station’s ‘talent’ roster.
I choose to assiduosly ignore celebrity. Focusing my attention solely on their output and with no regard to their personal lives.
‘Celebrity’ feeds the most vile of human traits – Gossip.
Small minds discuss people.
Great minds discuss Ideas.

27 04 2010
vivisection

there is a name for them – “delebrities”, they don’t even make it to the c grade ranking ie Melissa Hoya (or whatever her name is)

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Melissa Tkautz? I don’t remember her in anything but E Street but apparently she sang a crap song once too. How she expects this show to do anything for her career is beyond any logic I can muster.

28 04 2010
Shirley M

‘Read My Lips’ is a fantastic song.

28 04 2010
brad

such a shame when talent like that slips through the cracks-Bruce Samazon comes too mind

28 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh yes. Poor Brucey.
Simon (Denny) Baker did okay though. Not that I haven’t tired of his shows.

27 04 2010
dean

i agree.
I also blame the british.
By the way many of the things attributed to bogans on this blog can be attributed to great swathes of the british population, just turned up to 11.
Thats Australia for you, even backward in being crass.

27 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

This whole thing really is quite sordid.
I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that bogans like ‘celebrities’ opinions and have previously commented about bogan mythology and the origins of bogan opinion. What I foresee in the future is a combination of bogans getting their opinions from ‘celebrities’, but also from other bogans.
It will be a one stop opinion shop. Last night I sat down to watch Q & A and had the horror of being subjected to inane f#cking Twitter messages splashed on the bottom of the screen throughout the program. (Apparently Bogans love other Bogan’s opinions. I believe somebody suggested a box on between Germaine Greer and Peter Cosgrove.) Seriously, ’round our way we make our own witty banter in the lounge room. If I wanted to be subjected to twitterbanter, I would open an effing twitter account. It just brought down the whole tone of the program. (Another example of the bogan quest for celebrity “See! plate_scarf56! That’s Me!” dozens of tweets follow “@plate_scarf56 OMG saw yr handle on #qanda”
Hurrah!) Let’s gather a panel of acknowledged experts on a subject and counterpoint their insights with opinions from the ‘burbs. Let’s pop up a facebook feed. Here’s an SMS dwayne of kikkatinnalong sent to his brother pauly in buttfukk NSW.
Save it for MTV and Super request.
Or 20 to 01.

27 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Roger that!
I get all my opinionated, inane banter right here!
I’m sure twitter itself is a boque quest for celebrity. Fools building their “brand” in the misguided belief it means anything outside their own mushy egos.
Sad.
WTF with abc displaying the twitter logo with each tweet too? Does this not imply some sort of endorsement of an commercial venture?
The tweets added nothing to the debate and I personally found them cringeworthy and embarrassing at a level approaching “Hey Hey”

27 04 2010
NSM

WTF is with the ABC sneaking in Ads at all.. like the “iphone App” Ad, fark me.. that is an out and out endorsement of a product… they also had an ad before Christmas about some god awful singers new album.. totally unrelated to any programming.. they are really crossing the line these days.

And that BOGAN of BOGAN female “Yoof” voice over chick.. ARHGGHGGHGGHG I cringe every time I hear her whiney Bogan voicing of whatever “yoof” drivel they are flogging.

27 04 2010
James Hunter

EDNA AND CHUBBY
seems other great places that boages and boagettes gain worldly opinions is from the staff at hairdressers and beauty parlours,
always hearsay , always amix of fable and fiction with a dash of fact.
the staff seem an endless supply or botomless pit of trite trash.
me i cut my own hair and beard with a number one comb on the clippers so mercifully these days i miss out. no wonder i know nothing !!

27 04 2010
NSM

The very reason I adore my taciturn Eastern European hairdresser, goes about her job in an artistic professional manner, delightfully silent throughout!!!!

27 04 2010
JimC

As the great Harlan Ellison said: “You’re not entitled to an opinion. You’re entitled to an INFORMED opinion. Without information it’s just babble, hot air and farts in the wind.”

27 04 2010
Sten

He also said “The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity.”

I would go further, stating that I’m unsure as to the order of abundance…

27 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Actually, it was Einstein: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

27 04 2010
Benamin

Off topic, but how did your move go Edna? Clearly you have ‘net already 🙂

27 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thanks for caring Ben.
We have delayed our departure until next Wednesday. Getting all of our possessions ready at the moment and that is why I don’t have much time to post.
Can’t wait!

😀

27 04 2010
NSM

Wow.. really Q and A.. how awful, so glad I missed last nights show now! Twitter, Facebook et al deserve a TBL going over on their own!!! Gods but I hate them!

27 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yes it really was awful because I tried to ignore it, but my eye was drawn down to the bottom of the screen every time it flashed up.
I ended up really frustrated and quite angry!

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Me too! It distracted me from what was being said and it was never once worth it. Not to mention trying to work out their stupid names. How was it they were even watching Q & A in the first place??

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yeah, I don’t know how they got there but I would love to put a stop to it. I thought maybe it was one of those internet group things where a group of people collude for a “culture jam” – like when they all arrive in the mall and simultaneously lie down or something. What kind of evil moron chose to jam Q & A?

28 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I’d rather the twitters on the screen than have Germaine Greer appear on the show again. The sooner the boxing match between her and Cosgrove goes ahead the better! I would love to see her get her lights punched out…hopefully it would silence her irrelevant arse once and for all!

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

she seems to have an opinion on just about everything except feminism these days.

she should at least take a bow for making the 21st century woman feel empowered by behaving like a street trollop.

(now let’s see who gets it.
Hint: there’s some irony and a little pathos in there.)

27 04 2010
JimC

I won;’t hear a word against Bert himself. The man’s a legend.

But I have a mate who’s an actor and he knows the producers of this drivel and he told me that the only reason this show exists is so that the network can fulfill their ‘local content’ quota in the cheapest, most lame way possible.

And it keeps the rostered talent happy by putting their heads on television each week.

I know the great Tony Martin said that he was interviewed for about an hour for one of the film-related episodes and he said they used about a four second clip on the broadcast. I guess they didn’t want to step on the toes of the cultural and intellectual powerhouse known as Richard Wilkins.

27 04 2010
Sten

Good call, JimC (not on Bert, though, he’d well-past his use-by), regarding cheap bog-standard Aussie content filler on Channel Nein. Nein, is, of course, the most Americanised network in Australia. I can’t remember the last time I watched it.

27 04 2010
Benamin

Well said Jim. I agree with everything you wrote (including Bert, who I like for some reason).

No TV expert here, but I’ve got an opinion, and like the next mostly-uninformed idiot I’m going to say it. It’s a working theory at least.

I guess Television is becoming like every other industry. It is simply being optimised to reap the optional cost-benefit. And game shows have always been cheap to make, or so I’ve heard. The people who pioneered reality TV are merely making the same thing.

And, I imagine that it is cheapest of all to buy in your shows, especially for the case of scripted TV. The scripted American shows can be extremely expensive to make, but the wide syndication I would hazard that it makes it cheaper for all involved.

The cheapest thing that still captures the ratings will by definition be the best. I suppose you get the odd piece of Australian made and expensive drama, but perhaps making these gives the station some “prestige”, in the same way that car makers are involved with Formula 1.

27 04 2010
NSM

I detest the talentless Bert Newton and his equally talentless, facile, imbecile of a wife.

Bert has always seemed very creepy to me and my hubby (in a – likes the kiddies a bit too much – kinda way)

So called celebrities spouting moronic opinions on the stupidest garbage imaginable… and we call that entertainment in this country.

Sad

27 04 2010
Troy

How anyone finds 20 to 1 entertainment beyond me. Bogan f grade celebritiy comments saying “Great song” cut to another bogan celebrity “Great song” and then again another one “Great song”. Or have 4 of them badly sing a line from the chorus one after the other

27 04 2010
Glass 'em all

And I always feel an overwhelming urge to strangle the moronic Deni Hines…

27 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

YES!
Me too.

27 04 2010
vivisection

its only natural, don’t feel bad

27 04 2010
Jerry

Whats even more annoying is when they look at an event that occurred 40-50 years ago and have the 20-something c-grade celebrities comment on what it would have been like back then and what happened. Seriously…..THEY WEREN’T EVEN BORN THEN!

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

YES! They don’t even try to hide the fact that they must have shown them the clip beforehand, explained it to them, then fed them some lines. Well, then again, that’s probably only obvious to “us” and not “them”.

I had a flatmate who would beg me to change it over near the end so she could see what was #1. Like that was fact and not just whatever they felt like saying?!

28 04 2010
Nelson Esq

I have on occassion watched this divel…what gets me is that they get some 20-something Gen Y wannbe celeb to comment on something that happened in the 1960’s & 70’s like they witnessed the event first hand when it originally happened. If it wasn’t for the producers who made them watch a tape 10 minutes before recording their scripted response, they probably wouldn’t have even known about the thing in the first place!

27 04 2010
bella

I recently had to spend a night on my way home from a trip at my aunt and uncles, who asked, would i mind terribly if we watched 20-1? No, I told them. Of course not. What I could not stand was their mindless screeching everytime one of the ‘celebrities’ opened their mouths. I don’t even know what they were saying. It was just their facial expressions that were convincing my relatives that they were saying something funny.

We then had to watch my aunts favourite show which airs straight after.

two and a half men.

If it just me, or is this show on about 3 times a night on Win?

So I had to go to bed. But from the other end of the house I could still hear them screaming with laughter at whatever it was Charlie Shean was saying. Apparently I missed a great show that night?

i then returned home to tell the rest of my family (this is how my dad put it): ‘How the other side live.’

I feel I know a fair bit about bogans. Most of my closest relatives are proud and practicing bogans.

27 04 2010
Will S

It got up to 9 times a week at one point, apparently.

27 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Stop Press!! Headline of the day (SMH Entertainment…)

“Lindsay Lohan glasses ex”

My day is made…

27 04 2010
pb

i saw that too. maybe there’ll be a future 20 to 1 episode of celebrity glassings and attacks – there’s naomi campbell, the cronulla rugby league player, and now lindsay.

27 04 2010
SD

The SMH website is kind of a bogan paradise. Even if you have no interest in “Entertainment”, there are the large photos and shouting headlines to let you know all that is happening with “celebrities” (90% of my knowledge is gained from simply clicking on the SMH home page, the remaining 10% in doctors rooms). The website kind of shouts silliness as opposed to the print edition.

20 to 1 has all kinds of people who stray in from other channels to participate in its inanity – the Einstein factor guy, the bearded hippie musicologist etc (my knowledge is extensive because the retirees at home love it). Maybe they are all on retainership. As for Deni Hines, am not a fan but I thought she had the saving grace of being fed a few acerbic lines now and then?

Also if you think British TV is rubbish, try watching the Spanish channels-they reach hitherto unplumbed depths.

27 04 2010
pb

the smh website has gone downhill since they added the option to have ‘your say’ on so many articles. while it hasn’t sunk to news.com.au depths yet there do tend to be comments from people who seem to have strayed over from there or the terror.

28 04 2010
Will S

Speaking of news.com.au, the daily telegraph has hooked the rednecks yet again

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/koran-caution-for-australian-tax-laws/comments-e6freuy9-1225858504396

Read one line, and EXPLODE in the comments!

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JOE of SYDNEY Posted at 8:09 PM April 26, 2010
this is not the australia i know, we are selling out to every country and religion, politicians without balls. where the bloody hell are you, Pauline!!!

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

They just love pushing the bogan’s buttons eh?
there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

(as an interesting aside, to my theologically untrained mind; the issue they are referencing is Usury, and the religious prohibition of it is found in the Torah or Old Testament. I always find it amusing that we never hear the christian right condemning Usury with the passion they do other things Baby Jesus hates such as Gays. Despite Jah making it quite clear he’s just not down with the whole concept of “interest”)

28 04 2010
pb

i think many of them forget the jesus throwing money lenders out of the temple bit.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Judging by the crowds at Vic Markets at Christmas, it sees they wont leave shellfish alone either. Despite the fact that the rules forbidding eating it is on the same page as the edict to hate gays.

29 04 2010
Going Bogue

That’s because in the New Testament Jesus says it matters not what goes into the mouth, but what comes from it.

28 04 2010
James Hunter

he did get a bit cross with them didnt he

28 04 2010
vivisection

I don’t think anything could have kept that man happy – a born whinger and frankly a bit of a grump. Nobody likes a martyr.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bingo.

28 04 2010
Antosha

Careful Viv.. he’ll come back one day and when he does he’s going to be really p*shed off.

Ever taken a really cold shower? Well multiply that by 10 million times.. that’s how p*shed off he’s gonna be..

28 04 2010
vivisection

I’ve always considered a cold shower character building!

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is John Wayne Jesus?

27 04 2010
vivisection

Don’t forget: Wayne Carey – glassed girlfriend, Matthew Newton – beat girlfriend – we’ll get 20 Delebrity glassings and assaults before days end if we try

27 04 2010
SD

Yes that could create a whole lot of 20 to 1s

20 to 1 countdown to Bert Newton toupe references
20 to 1 countdown to the number of times a WAG was glassed and “forgave” her man
20 to 1 countdown to the times Bert references calling Muhammad Ali a “boy”
20 to 1 countdown to the times they reference crap 70s TV shows
20 to 1 countdown to the times Nein again trots out Kennedy (at least one gets a laugh out of it though)
20 to 1 countdown to the number of resurrections enjoyed by Matthew Johns

and so on

Wrongly i have a soft spot for Newton Jr. cos he was in Looking for Alibrandi

27 04 2010
pb

20 to 1 celebrity sex addicts.

27 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohoho

Classic!

27 04 2010
Tombarina

Bert gives me the heebies for the same reason as Richie Benaud – I have flashbacks to “Weekend At Bernie’s”.

That waxen complexion, hair-in-a-can, robotic eyebrows – I’ve a nasty feeling that they both shuffled off this mortal coil some time ago, but Nine keeps trotting out animatronic versions.

*shudder*

27 04 2010
amr

What drivel do you expect from channel two and a half?

27 04 2010
Shirley M

My advice is not to watch this.

27 04 2010
JimC

I took your advice.

27 04 2010
Tombarina

Shirl, I couldn’t obey you for the simple reason that Johnny Depp = sex on a stick.

But who are those other people? Even with the benefit of captions, I still didn’t know who they were. Who’s the nuffie at 1:25? And the ratty-haired bint at 1:50 – is that Erin “No Visible Talent” McNaught?

The Wolfmother-behaired knob at the start, middle and towards the end I vaguely recall – I think he whipped his todger out at some public event and the gesture was unappreciated.

How do these people even RATE as talking heads, when their heads are both unrecognisable and, apparently, empty?

27 04 2010
Shirley M

The dude at the start is Dylan Lewis. Hosted Recovery many years ago, was in a failed band and has appeared in endless ‘celebrity’ incarnations e.g. celeb. big brother. I think it was Axl Whitehead who whipped out his Johnson.

The farking cliches give me the shits! ‘Top shelf’, ‘world class’ blah blah blah.

27 04 2010
Matt

Oh f…… Those z-grade ‘celebrities’ issuing judgement on Johnny Depp (!) makes one’s eyes pop with rage. Chloe Maxwell!!!!!

27 04 2010
miss dahl

Well, let’s face it, when an individual has no real knowledge, educated opinion or indeed, dare I say it, a high functioning thought process, then of course they reach for the celebrity fix. Doh! But, seriously, you ought to do a piece on the latest bogan brainstorm: Gold Buyers Australia.

27 04 2010
pb

oh, is that the one with the ad with sepia-toned footage of an old man with a sack and bell walking around calling out ‘gold for sale’ with a voiceover about how there’s now a new way to sell your old gold jewellery? has anyone ever actually seen a man with a sack wandering the streets buying gold jewellery?

27 04 2010
vivisection

I’ve seen the parties you can host advertised on Today Tonight – some painted hussy comes around to your “party” where you and your friends can throw away antique gold family heirlooms so you can pay for 2 nights accommodation and a jetstar flight to Phuket. Said painted hussy and party hostess takes their cut of the sale commissions and sends your family jewels off to be melted down and made into Michael Hill rings set with Cubic Zirconias.

27 04 2010
vivisection

or you can use the money for a pretty Pandora bracelet if you prefer

27 04 2010
Tombarina

Do people really, SERIOUSLY do that? Flog off Great-Grandma’s earrings?

I’m not into “stuff” and I’m not a hoarder – a lose-the-lot childhood housefire tends to knock that out of you – but it’s sickening to think that some people are so selfish and grasping that they’re incapable of thinking beyond “now”.

I’m not doubting that it’s the truth, Viv. It just makes me a very sad panda.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Tombarina, ’tis sad but true. But how else can a she bogue get Pandora right now!? Apart from anal.

27 04 2010
miss dahl

Well pb, I’ve only caught the tail end of the ad where it shows mall-trawling boguette spilling a (sizeable) amount of unwanted gold jewellery on a counter, behind which stands a beaming salesperson (or gold expert…) eager to get his sticky fingers on the loot. Then cue the same boguette walking past the GBA shop, loaded up with shopping bags waving back at salesman.

27 04 2010
martin

I figured Gold Buyers would be a set up by some smart person who figures currencies aren’t going to be worth shit soon enough and gold will be the shit. Lots of countries have been upping their gold reserves, like China. Not really bogan at all, except for those selling their shitty jewellery. Oh well if you’ve only got $400 worth of gold and the gold price doubles or triples you’re not missing out on a lot.

27 04 2010
Will S

Not bogan, but a thing bogans like maybe. The stalls seem to have appeared over night out the front of every supermarket/discount department store in Newcastle :/

28 04 2010
miss dahl

You’re right – Gold Buyers was set up by a smart person. All Ponzi schemes (and their derivatives) are set up by smart people with the aim of ripping off dumb people.

27 04 2010
JimC

I know a guy who works at a legitimate and highly reputable gold merchant. I should ask him what he thinks of that.

27 04 2010
pb

does he walk around with a sack and bell like on the ad? don’t tell me the tv has been lying.

27 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Guys, I just needed to say that this is the best written post yet. You took an exra dose of hate and mocking for this one which is clearly close to your heart.

If I get botox and paint myself orange will my opinion count then? Seems to be the maximum requirement (unless you are Deni or Kahmal).

Also worth noting is that no serious celebrity will ever have an opinion on topics of substance lest they offend their audience. The closest they come to an opinion is wearing a ribbon for the latest cause de celeb.

27 04 2010
Benamin

What happens if the bogan disagrees with a celebrity’s opinion? I’ve not seen it myself, so I’m interested in knowing. My hunch is that it is ignored.

Also, perhaps there is a way to use this for good instead of evil. Is it now possible to lobby celebrities instead of say, writing your local member? Or will they simply refuse to advertise any opinion that their publicist tells them is against that of the bogan horde? (Sounds exactly like politics – just swap publicist for pollster).

Or further – can the mind of the bogan be changed?

27 04 2010
miss dahl

Oh, Benjamin, didn’t you know? Celebrity-dom is the fountain of bogan delights. That is where they get their inspiration and wisdom. So, no, there can never be any disagreement (or at least, any that amounts to much).

27 04 2010
vivisection

Benjamin – maybe that’s the point at which tall poppy syndrome kicks in. One opinion too many for the uppity celebrity who begins to believe in their own hype?

27 04 2010
Tombarina

Ben, the bogan NEVER disagrees with a celebrity opinion. The fallout from such an event would be catastrophic – the very fabric of time and space would rip.

You must remember that many a celeb is, in fact, a better-packaged bogue. People who achieve celebridom through arduous nurturing and application of prodigious talent – Our Cate, for example – are too focussed and intelligent to be fart-arsing around with 20-1. They’re not bogues.

But for every Our Cate, there’s about 27 Our Richards, who have scaled the heady heights of Mt D-Grade through an ungodly combination of luck, chance, circumstance and hair products. Most are singularly untalented, self-promoting and orange. They are celebogues. They give the average bogue something to aspire to, thereby rendering him incapable of dissent.

27 04 2010
Glass 'em all

“…an ungodly combination of luck, chance, circumstance and hair products.”

*snork, chortle*

28 04 2010
Antosha

Good point.

You won’t see Our Cate involved in such trash.. nor Mr Weir for that matter..

27 04 2010
libertarianvegetarian

We saw this in the case of P!nk and mulesing. In the event the celebrity opinion is disagreed with by sufficient numbers of bogans and with sufficient bogan fervor to suggest it may cause monetary loss to the celebrity, they simply change their opinion, blame someone else for ‘misleading’ them and ask their loyal fans to forgive them.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good call on Pink. I had chosen to forget her! I think she slipped by on the foreigners don’t know no better clause.

27 04 2010
Peter

to put the English obsession with their own self-styled definition of celebrity into some sort of context: Most English consider New Zealand a good place. By which I assume they’re not irritated by that accent.

27 04 2010
George

It’s interesting, when you watch Bert Newton in his heydey (many years back!) he was a brilliant entertainer. Why people like him do this sort of trash later in life is beyond me (apart from the obvious $).

27 04 2010
refugeenius

LOL @ the use of the word ‘smegma’. This post made me laugh a little harder than some of the recent ones. If TV is the barometer of society then we must be in nuclear winter. Or a smegma monsoon.

27 04 2010
martin

I got no problem with the Newtons. Three Blind Mice was a pretty good effort imo and Bert has always been a very humble man.

Remember when Matt Newton was pretending to play the piano with his donger? The elder bogans went feral over that.

The elder bogans like to think that because they’re old that they have some sort of pious god given decency and that they should by default be the moral compass of the world, even if they were complete %$#@’s in their youth or are as dumb as shit.

27 04 2010
Will S

All the carrying on in the media about Gen Y ruining society… it’s nothing compared to what our parents got up to in the 70s!

28 04 2010
martin

It’s nothing compared to what boomers have done now imo. 😀 Oh well I guess you should always blame the victim.

27 04 2010
vivisection

What about that hideous Where Are They Now show with Kochie and the Kunt?(is she born again – she has that look???) That nearly did my head in. Same atrocious lead ins that tell you everything you are about to hear, same delebrities reminiscing about the first time they watched Number 96, lots of archive footage and then 30 seconds of air time for some old has been that had their 15 seconds of fame in the 1970’s.

27 04 2010
Matt

Kochie’s decline from jovial financial adviser to one of the most wretched humans ever to have lived is almost sad. Mel, however, is not only utterly loathsome in every respect but also the stupidest object in the known universe. Together they combine to form a single terrible force, the Megabogue, who’s demonic broadcast causes zombification and mindless obedience in the masses and uncontrollable rage in the few.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Just like a transformer, the Megabogue parts lock onto each other and become a Tiger Air $29 flight, whisking the viewer past the sunrise fridge with pics of Jayden, Brayden and Skyandra-Raelene on to other worthy topics de jour such as Bieber Fever and checking up the weather midget Grant Denyer. Next stopover? Hell.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I thought denyer died in a monster truck?

28 04 2010
vivisection

No I believe megabogue stepped in just the nick of time and he survived. Like Gloria Estefan, not even a truck can take that c#nt out of the picture.

28 04 2010
Antosha

If he can be positively categorised as a c#nt… then at least he is more prone to a glassing..

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Where did this Bieber thing come from. I turn on the news and he is lead story and I have no clue who the dude is or what he does.

28 04 2010
vivisection

As far as i can tell he appeared on sunday morning, i caught him on some shit program while I was ironing. Come Monday, Kochie and Mel had whipped up enough publicity for riots as teen boguettes were enamored by the hair and his tenuous links to other celebrities such as Usher and Justin Timberlake. Still haven’t heard him sing yet, but why should that make any difference?

28 04 2010
vivisection

I actually thought they were saying “Beaver fever” at first and thought it was reference to some kind of awful porn.( If you haven’t seen comedienne Margaret Cho’s film “Revolution” – do , it has a great segment on “Beaver Fever ” the porno)

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Perhaps best if he does not sing Viv. Do K&M get a percentage? Is he trying to make the bowl cut fashionable again?

28 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s best not to know, Simon.

He is a 15ish year old singer who came to fame via myspace and youtube. He has had considerable fame in the US for some time now. Like Viv, I am yet to hear him sing, and I plan on keeping it that way.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chub will know the answer, he has been studying K&M in depth and is now leaving to go live in a cave where we can visit him and receive knowledge.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

wha?

28 04 2010
vivisection

Simon, I don’t he knows about the cave plan yet….Just move slowly around him

28 04 2010
vivisection

i dont “think” he knows… should have been

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Cave!?
She told me it was a shed!

28 04 2010
vivisection

No wisdom ever came out a shed. Caves on the other hand..

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yoda lives in caves not sheds.

28 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Those two moron’s are the reason I think 7 is worse than Nien. Kochie is a right wing nut job and that Mel is has femme-bogue leader all over her…Yet another reason why I don’t watch commercial teev. I do have to go back to reading SMH so I can keep a breast of the comings and goings of bogan opinion, but I haven’t been able to make myself go there yet! 😛

28 04 2010
pb

i’m weeping for what has happened to the smh website. there’s a story on there now about pauline hanson refusing to sell her house to muslims, and they have a poll where you can vote if you think it’s fair or not. 40% of people have no problem with it.

28 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I saw Monsieur Kochie in the Armani store in Martin Place once; browsing the racks after his show. He beckoned a sales serf over and without saying a word plucked an item here, an item there and laid them over the serf’s outstretched arms.

I caught the poor bastard’s eye and mouthed ‘WTF?’, and serf opened mouth and mimed some lewd tongue action. I wet meself, choking back back the guffaws and had to leave the vicinity. Prat.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

What a prat indeed.
Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t say anything with that whining little bitch voice of his.

28 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

Yup. Man of the poiple my arse.

28 04 2010
James Hunter

chairman M
maybe “The Man With The Purple Arse”

28 04 2010
Antosha

Pathetic whining ambulance chaser.

As a Chartered Accountant, I look to Kochie as a reminder of how one step down the dark path can lead to one’s ultimate undoing..

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohohoho

Funny!

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

“Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.” Albert Einstein.
I guess we all have those moments now where we are just staggered and overwhelmed with profound melancholy for the future of mankind. I was subjected to a little over an hour of Mel and Kochie and the zany gang back before christmas. (And don’t we just love being on first name basis with our luminaries? I saw a tiny piece of american idle recently whilst on business, the judge tells the performer “you really got the Christina thing goin’ on.” and apparently everyone knows exactly which Christina he means, as the audience and other judges all go boonta.”)
At first it was a lark, just mentally taking the piss, then I actually started writing down the segment topics (the purest consumerism and voyeurism) and counting how many were actually just thinly veiled commercials Then it began to dawn on me that this bland, insipid comformity was actually social engineering writ large. Delivered by the most insincere, condescending, utterly vacuous, saccharine, excuse for real people I have ever seen. (And I’ve been to Fort Lauderdale.) And delivered on behalf of those whose best interests lie in keeping everyone looking somewhere else whilst they bolt with the lucre. The inherent cynicism was mind buggering.
The bogan, true to form, laps it up like a dog does its own sick.
At one point late last year, whilst the liberal party were arguing over who would take the poisoned chalice, it actually looked like we would have a Prime Minister and Opposition leader cut direct from Sunrise (It’s my tip that the next federal election after this year’s poll actually will). We could have run the whole election with an informatel phone poll.
It’s not even funny. This is actually real. One massive power balance band bracelet. Selling like the proverbial hotcakes. Mel and Kochie rule the world.

“Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.” Albert Einstein.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sh*t Chub, that’s a bit depressing really.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

it is what it is.
I’m feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by bogue at the moment.
*sigh*
leaving the city for the country in a week.
maybe it will all be better then.
😀

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Where are you going? Bogue is everywhere but we must resist it for our own sanity.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Chub and I are moving to Northern NSW after wintering across the top end.

😀

28 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

What about us Edna and Chubby? We need a commune and fast, Kochie makes me want to kill…and I’m a pacifist!! (Read: Lazy :P)

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Any non bogues are welcome as long as they are happy to refer to Chubby as God Emperor?
We are calling our lot “Narry Bogue”.

😛

28 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I’m there. A couple of minor needs… good fuckin coffee, a ready supply of quality semillon, access to a quality music supplies shop who stock zildjian and remo heads, quality schooling for the miaowettes and broadband.

Oh, and roadblocks with bogue counters, set to zero. Plus Channel 9 Free Zone. There’s a couple of other things I’m sure.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I’m damn sure this can all be arranged!

28 04 2010
God Emperor Chubby Bloodfart-Focke-Witte of Narry Bogue via Woodenbong

We have almost sixty acres.
We are building a big fence and an aligator moat.
All non bogues will be welcome in my benevolent dictatorship.
Citizenship will be conferred on any who can anawer a simple questionairre on the values and history of the Bogue Free State.
National Anthem will be “Black Swan” by Thom Yorke.
National Sport will be Bogue Baiting (in a pit with dogs)
National Floral Emblem…
*giggle*

28 04 2010
Vivisesection

I’ll run a short course for your border security team! Drop em and cough bogans!

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Nice.
I like it.
I like it a lot.

27 04 2010
Damien

This blog is the greatest thing ever, I have been pondering these things for years & its like someone has managed to put my thoughts onto a blog.

28 04 2010
Chairman Miaow

I agree Damo (sorry mate, just had to shorten that name with ironic bogue reference).

I can now drive, be cut off by custard-brained bogue and simply smile with a shake of the head. ‘Silly little bogue’, is my response rather than the fury of yore.

I can now look at boguettes with the loudest LMVH bag rip-offs fresh from Bali and laugh quietly, rather than be distracted for minutes at a time.

I waste less time on their pathetic little lives. Noice.

27 04 2010
dazz

20 to 1 …….

Whats worse is the Quiz show about nothing … Deal or no Deal.

No opinions, no controversy, nothing happens, just bogans prove that they can pronounce numbers from 1 to 26 in a random order and they cant get enough of it. Just another form or voyeuristic uninformed gambling.

27 04 2010
pb

i tried watching that once because it seemed to be so popular. i was at a complete loss. wheel of fortune and family feud were completely mindless but at least there was a point, whereas deal or no deal is simply a case of guess the lucky number extended over 30 minutes.

27 04 2010
Will S

I wouldn’t mind getting on ‘Deal’, so I could confuse the bogue by simply picking the cases from 1 to 26, lol.

27 04 2010
Tombarina

I don’t understand Deal Or No Deal. I watched two episodes while recovering from wisdom teeth extraction and DID. NOT. GET. IT.

I don’t know why there are suitcases. Or why they’re held by cookie-cutter bimbos with demented Stepford Wife smiles. I don’t know why the people yell, cry, or do Macarena-y type actions with their arms. I know why the smarmy short person who looks too smug to live, is.

Not sure if the heavy-duty painkillers (thanks, Dr Chris!) interfered with the process of understanding, or if they were little, white angels of mercy, protecting me from the inanity. Like a narcotic shield of insulating goodness. Or something.

Don’t get it. And don’t want to.

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

They also appear to choose the wackiest/zaniest/loudest/most annoying and least worthy contestants.
“What will you do if you win?”
“We’re all going on a P&O Cruise to QUEENSLAND!”
“woohoo”

I suppose a worthy winner (who NEEDED the money) would bring down the energy of the show.
Or perhaps it’s so that we don’t like them and are happy when they lose!

27 04 2010
Tombarina

But who are they? What do they win?

And why the HELL would anyone watch some window-licker in ill-fitting pants point at random suitcases saying “Oooohhh – Oi’ve got a feeling about number 11…”

I am truly perplexed – either DOND’s dumber than bat$hit or I am. I’m hoping it’s not me…..

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Hahaha. They win whatever is left at the end, or the amount the bank offers them to opt out earlier (hence the deal or no deal Macarena-y shit).
I often watch the Gold Coast news on Nine at 5:30pm (so I can see the local bogans) and switch over to Seven 5-10 minutes before 6 to check out the Melbourne bogans on Deal (I think that’s where they film it??) before seeing the Brisbane bogans on Seven News while I cook dinner (and watch previews about TT bogans coming up). Phew.

Now that I’ve accepted that there are so many bogans I get less stressed about the whole ordeal.

27 04 2010
Tombarina

…and at that point, the wine bottle’s empty and the world’s looking better?

Hey, you’ve got a great system! I salute you, AKT.

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Haha – even without the wine I somehow manage it. But wine is better 🙂

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

p.s. their clothes on all of these shows are my favourite part!
(on ACA/TT/Deal/Millionaire etc.)
I always think “this is their BEST outfit according to them!”

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I love the “psychic energy” angle on DOND.

I recall in the dim past they had a “Battle of the Psychics Week”.
did they not?

what a fascinating “experiment” that must have been.

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
I always get the impression that the compare gets a cut of what ever money the contestant does NOT take home ?

28 04 2010
vivisection

Remember every game show in the 80’s had a Trip for two to Tangalooma Island as the prize? I grew up in QLD, but have no clue as to where the F#ck Tangalooma Island is? I imagine it’s still around, pastel pink and grey decor, lovers with matching tizzy perms basking in the sun getting leathery, freckle tits together while chain smoking St Moritz ciggies and drinking fosters. If i won DOND, that’s where I’d be heading….

28 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Think Kath and Kel Day-Knight? MUHAHAHAHA

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohoho

I saw half an episode of Deal Or No Deal once and had to turn it off due to a violent case of the cringes. A male contestant said that he was a “singer”, so the host asked him to sing a song. It was one of those moments where the whole audience goes silent and looks in bewilderment at this talentless, raving lunatic who seemed to think he had mad chops . My body went tense and I couldn’t look any more. I was embarrassed for him, as it seemed his switch was faulty and didn’t even give a *shudder*. He actually thought he was good. F&#king scary.

28 04 2010
sideshow

some people have no friends

28 04 2010
Shirley M

Deal Or No Deal cracks me up. What’s interesting about it is just how boganriffic the Australian version of this show is. Most other countries don’t have the femmbot style girls holding the cases, and none have the sirens and flashing lights and the ‘booyar!’ that we have embraced. Our version is a veritable poker machine.

I love the host dude, Andrew whatever his name. If you haven’t seen his shitfaced drunk video on youtube, you should do so toot sweet.

28 04 2010
vivisection

He is actually a very funny guy, and the only reason I watch sunday morning sunrise occasionally – he just takes the piss out of the whole format and every guest from beginning to end

28 04 2010
Shirley M

It would be hard work hosting Deal, and I think he does a remarkable job. He manages to converse with and connect to all manner of morons. The man can talk about absolutely anything.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I would have to agree with you totally on that. He is just bombarded with wankers and their moronic behaviour.
I personally would be dishing out headbutts on a regular basis.
Maybe Andrew went to a short course on how to deal with these oxygen thieves?
Maybe one just like Viv’s?

28 04 2010
Shirley M

That, or he has a ‘take me to a happy place’ drug dependency.

I give you Exhibit A.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Bahahahahahahaha
something about Kiwi fruit?
Bahahahahahahaha
I think that is a high concentration of alcohol and drugs.
Was he smoking a jazz cigarette at the end?
Bahahahahahahaha
Thank you Shirley, that has made my day!

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Edna, is kiwi fruit same as sheep shit ?

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Why yes it is James.
Good one!

(if only a little lame)

🙂

28 04 2010
Will S

Yeah he’s hilarious…

idk if that’ll work so http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woXktI5dkq8

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

jesus

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh dear.
That is not funny.

28 04 2010
vivisection

I can’t decide which is more tasteless, the joke or the jacket – they are on par

28 04 2010
Shirley M

The joke. I quite like the jacket.

5 05 2010
William Shatner pants

I find him obnoxious and repugnant. Had have I not won that $1,000 for a correct guess up on the podium I may very well have head-butted the Arse-hat. Couldn’t even get my name right – now my friends haunt me by calling me Vincent. That’s right Pinky has a brain, I’m talking to YOU. But wind up on that show and you get what you deserve I suppose. . . .

27 04 2010
Tombarina

*I DON’T know why the smarmy short person who looks too smug to live, is.*

27 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Did you see what Channel Nein has been advertising?
“Who do You Think You Are?
“This series traces the family trees of well-known celebrities. This glimpse into the personal lives of celebrities will also unearth interesting elements of American history. Sarah Jessica Parker’s family tree takes her to Northern California and Salem, Massachusetts.”

Suitably scheduled straight after Hey Hey!
The perfect audience!
Every time I think they’re all just morons running those networks they surprise me by actually being thoughtful (when pleasing their moron fans).

27 04 2010
Will S

Know your bogan and know yourself and you can run a hundred prime time specials without disaster.

27 04 2010
Tombarina

My Beloved’s response when we saw an ad for the SJP “Who do you think you are?” episode was “What’s this – a horse whispering show?”.

28 04 2010
sideshow

Sjp is the horse so who is the whisperer

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Seems Nine are determined to plunder SBS’ entire programming roster.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Now waiting for Iron Chef with voice over by Ray Martin and Bert Newton.

Talking of voice overs does anyone else have an unnatural love of MXC?

28 04 2010
sideshow

I have to admit I do, those talk over guys crack me up everytime.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And for a country that gave us Samuri they are particularly uncordinated.

28 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I like the actress’s voice over; “mmmm…. it’s sweet… but also quite sour… mmmm… it’s really… very nice… hehehe”

29 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Catriona can do this bit I think.

28 04 2010
Antosha

You left out Ken Sutcliffe for the Iron Chef voice-over line up.

28 04 2010
Will S

and surely they’d find a way to work Jules Lund in there too!

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Great, a whole show about how horses are bred.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahahahaha.
how to put a horse in a tutu.

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby, I have a pink tutu and realy look “different” in it. was wearing it on the way home one night from doing a novelty telegram , blue glitter nail paint, blue eye liner and black lipp gloss. pulled up for a RBT. police woman was very “inrterested” lol

28 04 2010
vivisection

stop flirting

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
how about a show on how Bogans are bred?

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cans of Woodstock and Anal as far as I know James!

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Ah hah so thats why they turn out to be real little shits ??

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

gold!

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

James is on form today.

28 04 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

That’s a rip off show from SBS. Nein is going with Kulcha huh?

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Famous Australians , maybe, as it is who gives a fuck?

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Stolen shamelessly from TBL face book page.
Bogue Royalty Speaks.

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/dhakota-williams-message-to-slain-father-carl-20100427-tnld.html

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*speechless, wanders off looking for a sharp knife*

28 04 2010
pb

i’m with you, simon. it boggles the mind how anyone can describe him as ‘a man of honour and respect with a heart of gold’.

28 04 2010
Shirley M

My god I feel sorry for that child.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Yes, it was ruined before it had a chance. Like Bindi Irwin

28 04 2010
Shirley M

Bindi will be Australia’s Lindsay Lohan.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Or will end up down at the Cross doing peepshows with a rubber stingray to pay for enough smack to let her forget..

28 04 2010
miss dahl

I hope not – I’d rather see her leave showbiz altogether and become a serious marine biologist, having used all that “child-star” money to pay for university.

28 04 2010
vivisection

I’ll be happy if she just leaves show biz altogether.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I love your world view Viv.
I laughed so hard, wee came out.

28 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

A rubber stingray!
HI-LARIOUS.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart
28 04 2010
Josh

Shouldn’t the title read “Celebrity’s Opinions”?

We have to get the speling rite… right?

28 04 2010
Goran

WRONG.

28 04 2010
ExtremeBoganHunter

I’m still waiting on opinion within the bogan herd to condense into one scream of outrage over the recent ramifications down Melbourne Storm way. Could Bert or Rove perhaps supply their thoughts, okay could Bert or Rove’s agent supply them with their thoughts on what the bogan herd should be outraged about.

The DailyBogan has done it’s very best to lay the blame at the feet of ex-CEO Brian Waldron, thus giving the bogan an easy target rather than having to worry about system failures and more than one person being accountable. But the Daily can’t do it alone.

Could LiLo, in between glassing chunts, offer her 5c on the subject?

Naturally since Waldron at one time did something or other at the AFL and post Storm moved to the Rebels (rugby union), certain sectors of the bogan world have adopted a conspiracy theory. Yes folks Brian was an AFL plant set to derail the growth of Loig in Victoria. Since the Storm haven’t actually produced a home grown player yet and my Melbourne friends confessed some shock over the news that their City actually has a team I would say Mr Waldron has been doing a fab job of it. Of course Melbournians may just happen to not like Loig of course.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Queensland bogans go global.

28 04 2010
Shirley M

This website should be called bogan sluts with douchebags.

28 04 2010
vivisection

Please don’t sugarcoat your feelings about this Shirley. How do you really feel?

28 04 2010
Shirley M

Sorry Viv. Sometimes I get a bit shy. I’ll try to shake those feelings off in future. 😉

28 04 2010
vivisection

Find your voice Shirl, find your voice!

28 04 2010
vivisection

I’d like to know what Fiona of Toorak thinks of all of this? Conspicuously absent from this topic.

28 04 2010
Damien

Blogmaster, I know it has been touched on, but you really need to explore the undeniable link between Nationalism & Boganism. Seriously the more you claim to love being Australian the bigger bogan you are.

28 04 2010
martin

I think globalisation and multiculturalism has overall been a bit of a rort. ME bogan. 😀 Me vote for protectionist parties.

28 04 2010
Will S

The Australian Protectionist Party?

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
what exactly do you mean by “Protectionist”

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Damien,
I think you wrong. There is however a relation ship between Boagans and the WAY they express nationalism.

29 04 2010
Damien

James,
Without analyzing it too much, you are probably at least partly correct.

28 04 2010
martin

I guess you can’t entirely blame the bogue. Most of the hot chicks love em. Chicks are generally still pretty dumb. This feminism caper hasn’t worked too good.

28 04 2010
pb

i’m guessing you’re also the type who thinks women should just be fine with getting a slap on the arse and should be barefoot and pregnant?

28 04 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
“Chicks are generally still pretty dumb.”
Seems to me that is a pretty dumb thing to say.
Makes you a Gold Standard Boagan for sure.
Chubby, OFF with his head if you would be so kind.

28 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I believe Simon dispenses physical discipline.
I’m the Surgeon General.

28 04 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*Glass*

28 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, don’t call women chicks.

29 04 2010
Johnny

More postings than SWPL

16 06 2010
Iva

I don’t know what’s worse, those z rated creatures that pass for notorieties or the bogans at work the following morning who talk about them.

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