In its unending quest to be as xtreme as possible, there is no gimmick too improbable, no shortcut too astounding, and no celebrity endorsement too smarmy for the bogan. This fact has sustained marketers for years, who appear to make substantial secret wagers with each other about who can devise the most ridiculous bogan fitness fad. Also complicit in this symbiotic orgy are scaremongering consumer affairs shows such as Today Tonight, which oscillate eagerly between giddy stories about miracle innovations, and enraged stories about the scams of “miracle innovations”. Throughout this process, the bogan believes, purchases, views, and condemns on cue.
Currently, the bogan is being lured by the promise of up to “500% more power, flexibility, and strength”. All from wearing a rubber wristband with holograms on it. Even the bogan is initially skeptical about such a claim, but its mind is instantly put at ease when it sees that there are celebrity sports stars endorsing it. Much to the marketer’s relief, the bogan’s ingrained anti-intellectualism means that it does not crave evidence for any science-related claim that a non-scientific celebrity may make about “bio-field energy”. This rubber wristband costs $60, and the bogan is enthused to hear that Power Balance
also makes other branded accessories to help the bogan buttress its tenuous identity. Of foremost appeal to the bogan is a pendant “made of Sterling Silver from Bali and comes with a leather band. It comes equipped with two PB holograms embedded on the back under a clear epoxy resin window for easy viewing.” The bogan will purchase this product without hesitation, creating an exotic Balinese look when paired with its Bintang singlet. If the two holograms in the pendant don’t provide adequate intense power to the bogan, it can purchase a sheet of 10 hologram stickers for a mere $150.
Central to the bogan’s desire to purchase Power Balance bands is the “secret” wearing of the bands by a number of Australian sportspeople. NRL star Benji Marshall is in on it, wearing it in recent games. And, predictably enough, TBL favourite Brendan Fevola is also currently wearing a poorly concealed Power Band on the field. It is rumoured that the Power Band enables Brendan to glass a cunt while standing on one leg and urinating on someone else’s girlfriend’s moving car.
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i want one!
So THAT’S what those things are. I just thought wearers were perpetually mourning fallen comrades.
Hey, Power Band wearers, I’ve got a lovely bridge you might be interested in buying. It’ll make you 17 times smarter and more attractive, and I’ll do you a deal on 36 months interest free……
The power band is placed on his wrist and covered with tape.
Oh. I feel so small and foolish.
So Fev & co really HAVE been mourning week-in, week-out. Bugger.
wtf
“I just thought wearers were perpetually mourning fallen comrades.”
(LOUD LAUGHTER :D)
My brain can’t comprehend that some people are this stupid…
I hadn’t heard about these until now. I am now very sad.
Nor I. This blog is an ongoing source of enlightenment… but I’m beginning to wonder if ignorance really is bliss 😦
It is. Why do you think all those bogans are so happy?
Is this the male version of the Pandora Bracelet or is it a unisex bogan accessory?
Unisex. It’s an equal-opportunity rort.
Speaking of Fev, he’s provided another fine example of how bogans are willing to forgive a celebrity if they admit to an addiction.
I also suspect that due to these powerbands we’ll be seeing super-bogans with the ability to glass multiple faces in a single swipe.
He was a bit of a bugger for the punt, so what? Not hurting me, don’t care. If he feels he needs forgiveness he can have it. I’m not using it and there’s no point hording it!
genuinely saddened and staggered in equal parts. my disbelief eclipses even my customary awe at the mad lierary stylings of thy good selves TBL.
I had never even heard of these things,
I mean seriously…
who would swallow this garbage.
Anything which would even come close doing all that this “powerband” claims would cost well in excess of $200.
…and NO I’m not correcting the typo!
Good for you. I mean, why should you do the pedants work for them?
You mean “do the pedants’ work for them”.
*ducks*
Wrong!
hahahahaha
Ok. I have never heard of these before, so I googled them to see if I could gain some more insight. So apparently, this is how these bands work: “The Power Balance technology helps tune and improve your body’s cell to cell communication. When cells communicate better, the body performs better, which improves balance, flexibility, strength, endurance, focus and overall wellness”.
I cannot freaking believe that ANYONE, even bogans, would believe this shit!
I wonder if the ladies I know who rely solely on Wii Fit for their physical well being are aware of this astounding technology?
Shirley you may be onto something here, the WII glassing game!!!! Comes with free Power Balance Band. You can glass some virtual chunt without leaving your own lounge room, all on maxtreme wide screen plasma goodness.
Awesome. Love the cross product promotion. We would need a celebrity on board to seal the deal. Wayne Carey springs to mind.
Oh I can visualise the game play so vividly….
the best part of The Warriors game for the PS2/Xbox was the glassing
i mean, it was an awesome game, but when two other Warriors were holding down someone and the game went into semi-slow motion when you glassed somebody with a bottle you picked up… such a sweet move
holograms make cells communicate better. right. and i have a piece of cardboard that gives me the power to defy gravity.
I’ll buy a hundred!
only $79 each, but i’ll give you a hundred for only $7898 which i know you’ll agree is a fantastic bargain.
It is. I could offload them all for $100 each at the speedway in about 10 minutes.
I rely on an old fashioned pyramid.
bogans believe whatever the bogan celeb/sporto tells them, both subliminally and ‘LIMINALLY’
you forgot “super liminally”.
HEY BOGAN! BUY THIS POINTLESS OVERPRICED OBJECT etc etc”.
but, this is so similar to firepower technology (oh, the disbelievers). the similarities are interesting: tuning and improving and balancing and strengthening and focussing and…and…other really awesome stuff. in (bogan) reality (yes, another oxymoron), of course, you get what you pay for.
well, firepower (you are talking about the fuel additive pills, yes?) in a technical sense does work, but only over very short time frames after which it actually reduces performance.
It’s based on an old drag racing trick of adding moth balls (napthalene) to the fuel to up the octane content, but has no relevance to road cars as it coats the plugs and other engine components. People don’t usually give their plugs the once-over every 400m.
By contrast, I fail to see how this bracelet crap could do anything, even over a 400m distance.
I can’t believe you’ve missed out on the ultimate cross-marketing opp – the Pandora Power Band. Stronger, faster…and blingier.
Tombarina,
The excellence just keeps getting more excellent today.
I thought that my call on the catholic boys was good but this realy is awe inspiring.
Pete will realy have to be uber careful now, millions of boagettes with powert bands.Leader Ratts Zinger may also be in troubled waters.
May need help from Saint Brokky ??
Excellent!
This is almost as good as http://www.postrapturepetcare.com/
hahahaha!
That is brilliant.
hahahahahaha
that is awesome!
I want to set up a business to wash their cars and mow their lawns after they’re gone.
I’ll collect their mail and phone in sick to work for them.
I’ll collect their dole/pension cheques!
I’ll manage their left-behind wardrobes. Can you imagine the retro they’ve amassed over the years. I see $$$s.
It’s the modern incarnation of the infamous ‘Polerizer’ that Bogan King Peter Brock tried to foist upon the public years ago.
But this is better….this makes the bogan himself more exxxtreme, not just his car.
Is that the same as when idiots stick strips of rubber to the back of their cars to prevent car sickness?
Do people use them for that purpose? I thought they were anti-static, so you don’t get zaps from the door handles.
They are used for both reasons.
Things that do nothing can multi-task to the max.
maybe that’s how they make powerbands, drag them along the road, gather up the static and kapow! – V8 power for the bogue, endorsed by Pink and Brockie
“It is rumoured that the Power Band enables Brendan to glass a cunt while standing on one leg and urinating on someone else’s girlfriend’s moving car.” Hahahaha, that image now burned into my brain. Anyone remember Firepower and Pete Brock’s “Harmoniser”?
Fuck it! I still have a few dozen empty plastic bottles at home. I’m going to rinse them all out and market them as De-oxygenated Air-in-a-Bottle: The Ultimate Cure-All. Open the bottle, oxygenate the air inside, breathe in deep. Bam! Asthma: Gone. Acne: Gone. But best of all, your money: Gone. Into my account.
Great follow-up to Today Tonight’s original story here, tested again properly and the power balance bracelets failed five out of five times (only three tests made it to air).
there’s something tickling my brain here…
I can’t quite articulate it…
something along the lines of
“Bogues need A Current Affair to demistify this for them???”
surely this is the nadir…
This idea is brilliant. I’m ashamed I didn’t think of such a clever business idea. I mean what can those bracelets cost to manufacture? $2 max? Profit, profit, profit.
People we should all get together and come up with something even better! Let’s get rich off these bogans
Good one TBL. I loved the last sentence about Fevola’s xXxtreme powers to offend other bogues with a mere bracelet.
I had never heard of this until now. It is so ridiculous that it is funny.
The Nouveau bogue demonstrating that it has more money than sense once again.
…oh no, what happens when the saturday night logistics bogues discover this? Their Ed Hardies will glow from the sheer awesomeness, Mother will become 6x Maxtreme, the glassings will be at shaolin monk standards, their awesome intellectual prowess exceeding that of a fifth grader, their southern cross tatts telekinetically driving the brown hordes from the land?
…and Oh! The Anal!
Ah yes, the anal… I wonder if they make a cock ring.
Seriously though, it needs some sort of warning message:
“WARNING donkey punching whilst wearing the Power Balance Band may cause serious injury or Death. Wear your band responsibly.”
Edna,
you have confused me.
injury or sudden death to who?
the Donkey PunchER or the Donkey PunchEE ??
Glass em all,
To protect from what?
Snapping pussys?
Asholes with teeth??
Hmm
Maybe you do have a point?
WOW,
i do wonder if the term Powerband was used to hark back to teenage bogues, thrashing around on 2-stroke dirt bikes in their vibrant teenage years?
Were you part of that culture Cnt Sten? I witnessed it first hand. I particularly liked the way the little Chad Reed wannabes thought the 2-stroke power band was an actual mechanical part.
Chubby,
Good comment.
NOW, some serious shit:
How about you and I combine our eXtreeem INtellects and market an “Anti Power Band Band”
Footaball players would all buy it to protect themselves from BrendonFrivolus and Colons(Clones)
News readers would all buy it to protect themselves from listners/watchers and Listner/watchers woulsd all buy it to protect them from news readers??
Shoppers in Car yards, Hardley Normal and Mainly Joyce store to protect from sales people who May Well be Secretely wearing one under their clothes to gain Unfair Advantage.?
Young Girls at pub piss ups to protect from drink spikers?
God the list is endless and the profits??
Maybe TBL could secretly promote it By : …Trumpet roll… Having a blog debunking it?? That would get the bogans in.
Roger that 10 on 10 over and out
my god!
you do think better when you’re drunk James.
that is actually genius!
“Hey you Skinny Geek! Concerned about being crushed under the awesomeness of powerband wearers? Well concern no more! Introducing Anti-Band…”
I want Martin Grellis to do the read!
Chubby,
It is a pain though, Vodka martinis for breakfast!!
Grain liquor before lunch james?
I couldn’t stomach anything more than Gin at this hour.
so a martini will be fine thanks.
Grain liquor has to be before lunch because a smart bogue knows not to have carbs after 4pm…
Viv,
Gota be casrefull, too many olives , you know, fat content !!
Chubby ,
surly it is one Martinus and two or more Martini,
????
hmm,
I’ll look into that….
Vodka Martini’s….why am I not surprised JH, that you can’t even get a Martini right?
Chubby,
Forgot, in New Zealand sheep farmers would all buy thousands to protect their sheep from unfair competition!!
Can you imagine the Christian Audigier Power Band?
See,
No you can’t.
You’re not awesome enough.
TBL – I love you
Edna,
That is a gold comment though
How About a catholic boys band ? to protect from priests?
Or would the priests wear them in order to obtain 500% more catholic boys? Refer all subsequent questions to Joseph Ratzinger. TBL
TBL,
“RatZinger” Burger or wrap sir?
That from KFC ??
I suspect Sturmbannfuhrer Ratzinger has quite the collection of such ‘power bands’….
‘100% Protection from all prosecutions, suits, claims, class actions and other unwanted inquiries’
Many AFL teams often wear black armbands if someone (even fairly remotely) connected to the team passes away. I’m not saying Fev isn’t ultra-bogue but I doubt he’d wear one of these during a game. Especially considering the professionalism of the fitness staff involved in AFL teams.
You’ll note that the picture caption says wrist strapping, not “black tape around bicep”. He is wearing a Power Balance band. TBL
I just visited the actual website…
…aaah f#ck it.
I wanted to write something about actual electrical theory, but what’s the point?
there’s one born every minute.
Chubby,
WRONG
There be LOTS MORE then ONE born every minute !!
Check out the returns policy.
How do you know if your Power Band is faulty?
“Dear Sirs, one month after purchasing your Power Band, I am dismayed to discover that I am still a dud. Please find my Power Band enclosed for full refund”
Edna,
once again and as per usual you cut straight to the chase. (and maybe to the Chase Manhattan)
Dare one shake one’s head and mutter “Only in Straya”?
Sibyl,
Me think else where too
Where these rubbish come from ? China?
They probably got 1,000 born every minute
Where marketed from?
Someone with a pipeline to bogan stupidity for sure.
It’s a worldwide thing by the looks of it.
Maybe a Martian is shaking his head and muttering “only on earth”. That is until his teenaged purple polka dotted three-headed offspring comes home this afternoon with one.
Like James said, there are suckers everywhere.
Some nice comments here: http://www.ratbags.com/rsoles/comment/powerbalance.htm
They gave the makers an award for ratbaggery.
“The judges tried some of the wristbands on and they unanimously agreed that the bracelets certainly increased the strength of their laughter.
Please feel free to publicise your award and display the award logo on your web site. If you wish to collect the physical prize (a tube of haemorrhoid cream and a wire brush applicator) you can do so at your own expense, but please give me sufficient notice so that I can organise the location for the public application of the cream and the accompanying media coverage.”
As a regular follower of Pete’s site, I’m surprised I hadn’t seen this before.
LOL.a poorman,s cufflink to match the placebo of the rich
What’s with the LOL mate? You do realise that imitation is amonst the highest forms of flattery don’t you?
amongst..
No it was not a blatant fi rip off as perceived it was a genuine laugh out loud
Ah CM
But will it protect Peter from the free market ??
see just knew that band had a week link
hee hee giggle.
(chuckle,s quietly) No jh i shan’t condone or encourage one,s freedom of speech as we are all entiteld too.Regardless of relevance except muz of course.
Oh Dear GOD, never heard of these things.. that is hysterically funny, but no more so than believing Crystals will engender you with certain qualities or magical powers etc etc…
New Ageism a Bogan can embrace to the Xtreeeeeeeeeemmme!!!
What was that thing Peter Brock got caught up with years ago.. some Engine Magical device that was total bunkum too…
What a minute North Shore Mummy an even better idea. We combine a crystal with a Power Balance Band, dubbed it the MaxTReme!!!! Power Balance Band, and sit back and watch the dollars roll in … of course you will have to abandon all ethics and that pesky social conscious thing.
Hmm you could be onto soemthing there .. but of course you would have to hide any obvious New Age-y Crystal stuff, and re-brand them with MaxTreeeeme Names and branding imagery.. or of course you could add an i infront of the name…
iFKNROX Band
Bound to get them in!!!!
Oh and I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that that whole pesky ethical/socially conscious thing is highly overrated and a positive disadvange in this Epoch of Boguality.
Maybe you could first use the crystal to kill something first, before breaking it up into pieces to put in the bracelets.
Good thinking… yes… or… ZOMG.. it could double as a weapon!!!
What if the actual crystals were derived from broken schooner glasses from bogan glassing incidents?
I think crystal glasses are useless for glassings. But I like your thinking.
How’s “The Pandora Xtreme Silica Crystal Power Band”
That would be Noice for the gurls.. but it needs to be more maXXXTreeemmmme for the blokes…
I like the idea of working a good glassin in there… maybe with the flick of the wrist it could transform into something akin to a broken Schooey glass, for those occassions when some Chunt offends you and you happen NOT to be at the pub????
Nice. Especially if you really drum up on how x-otic and x-treme silica is.
X – otic, I like it. This site has spawned some great new terminologies that won’t go away in a hurry.. The beauty of pedalling it as silica is you can use smashed schooner glass as the crystal component and you’re still upholding an ethical standard as you’re telling them it’s not really crystal in the actual product name. I think working the word “schooner” into the name somehow wouyld be marketing gold for the blokes. As NSM pointed out – not as great for the bogues as for the boguettes..
Mezz,
Glass is not crystal ,it is a super cooled liquid
so called crystal glasses are just cut glass made from glass with a high lead content to give it the clarity and slight blue tint.
Also gives it a slightly better cutting edge (learned while working in a glass warehouse). Unfortunately thinner crystal tends to shatter, making it unsuitable for imaginative glassing.
North Shore MILF,
Excellent recall, that Brokky thing was pure bogan gold.
it was esentially a power band for your cars fuel sytem
Any One with the slightest understanding of the TECHNOLOGY would easily understand how it worked and the miracles it performed.
Broky should have been made the great patron saint of the automobile !!
TBL
Please get hold of the Pope again.
Wonder how long before some bogan street racer stretched a few of these bands around his inlet manifold. You know, just in case…
Never heard of it.
I guess things are worse than I thought out there in Bogueopolis.
I particularly liked the inclusion of “idiot” in todays tags.
like so many others today, the merits of power balance seems, mercifully, to have eluded me. i found the ‘press’ section of its web site surprisingly candid, with rollingstone referring to ‘[some] weird hippie thing’; and no, i have better things to do than read all of the articles supplied!
People still buy magnetic blankets too 🙂
The old combination of maximum ‘reward’ for zero effort
“It is rumoured that the Power Band enables Brendan to glass a cunt while standing on one leg and urinating on someone else’s girlfriend’s moving car”
Not to mention taking a few happy snaps of a girlfriend in the shower for News Ltd..
WHAT!!?
The testimonials on the website are hysterical.
Pro Surfer David Rastovich is stoked, super stoked. His dad is stoked, his family are stoked, everyone he knows is stoked and all because of the Power Balance Band.
Bruce Irons was kinda hard to understand as he had a mouthful of something. Hey, must have been Power Balance gum because he seemed pretty awesome.
Stoked!!
Fully, bra’…
Andy Irons was poorly advised by his, so now they’re selling tribute versions.
Image the maxtremeness of the bogues sprting prowess with the Powerband on and after consuming a huge can of Mother!!! Totally Awesome!!
If you told them that their uncontrollable shakes and pent up energy was purely from the huge can of Mother and had nothing to do with the Powerband, would the bogues head explode while trying to comprehend what’s just been said?
This reminds me of a cult that I think is/was called Infinity Waters. You could buy immensely expensive tiny bottles of magical healing water from these folk for all sorts of real and imagined ailments, states of mind etc. The thing was, the water was just ordinary tap water, and the bottles were just ordinary bottles. The magical part was the label affixed to the bottle. So you could drink your little bottle of happy water, then refill it from the tap next time you were a bit down in the dumps. I believe you could even send away for the labels and stick them on anything your heart desired.
or you could fill littel empty bottles with Gin and just look like a religious nutter instead of a boozehound.
ShirlyM,
In the USA wild west it was called
Snake Oil.
Nuthin changes?
James.. did you notice our Fi is rather quiet again today…
Mayhaps she is barking at Van Anh (her housekeeper) to gather up all the power bands from throughout the mansion and toss them away…. as she then retires to the lounge to sob herself to sleep..
Or maybe she is just not online today.
Antosha,
Yes I had noticed and realy miss her ascerbic ripostes.
Still not knowing for sure it is difficult to help her.
Maybe some one from near by could drive by the ancewstral manse and check with the hired help as to her welfare?
For some reason this stuff reminds me of Spaceballs.
“That ring was bubkis – I found it in a Cracker Jack box!”.
Lone star was still able to make Mega Maid go from Suck to Blow. A power band would have done just as well, perhaps.
Placebos can work.
Benji,
Make u wonder how Linda Lovelace and Mr Holmes got on before all this shit was invented ??
Unbelievable… and I thought the whole Goji berry thing was maxXxtreme exploitation of knuckle-dragging morons.
Once again, I am astounded.
yeah not surprising. after goji berries, magnetic bracelets/blankets/etc, i’m thinking of marketing the wonder of urine samples… ( Piero Manzoni has the rights on shit in a can).
The stupidity of people never fails to astound. I have been seeing these a bit over the last few weeks on people I would consider non-bogue.
Also, is this where Monkey gets his Monkey magic from?
Another mystery solved..
Carl Williams is dead… Murdered in Jail…
he should have been wearing a powerband!
does anyone else sense a media saturation? The male bogans will all be shedding a tear, because you know, he was on tv and stuff and was on underbelly.
“poor family and kid, i dun know ‘im but it kinda did cause you know i watched all of underbelly you know”
Poor family and kid because they left the mother breathing – I shouldn’t call her a mother as she’s not a mothers arsehole allowing that sort of crap to go on around her progeny. Good riddance to this bogan cult hero. Maybe 1% of the bogan worshippers will realise that it isn’t as glamerous as it’s made out to be and that he’s not such a hard c*%t after all.. It was probably the coppers – feeling the heat from the media for paying his kids school fees.. They obviously made some kind of deal with him for this to be happening. Now they may be able to nip it in the bud..
there’ll be memorialising of how he was really just a ‘good bloke’, because murder is a perfectly normal thing for a good bloke to do, isn’t it.
“ya know, it wasnt like he was killing innocent peoeple ya know, all he was doing was selling party drugs to some kids ya know and gee i mean we ‘ave polis who are doing worse, ya know”
Carl Williams, you were so good in Underbelly. RIP.
Can we go to Barwon Prison to lay a can of Jim Beam & Coke where he died?
Sounds like a plan. I’ll load the kids into the car now.
AlyssaKT,
can I bring my Beagles?
Yeah, there’ll be plenty of room if Riyenn and Latee$ha ride in the boot.
AKT, just leave them at the casino.
Makes more room for the tributes – Winnie Blues, a slab-o-Beam, a pathetically misspelled card, some Ikea tealights and a cancelled subscription to Workout Monthly.
“YOUR my heroe KARL!” (sic!)
sorry, my = me!
Mate, that’s bewdiful. You done ‘im proud. Legend.
If I may suggest, just a wee postscript to your heartfelt note:
“F&$kin’ screws & dog-ar$ed coppas – they just aditinforim, hey.”
haha – I saw this today on the Google page’s twitter feed:
s_dog: RT @_leo_s
“Carl Williams’ lawyer confirms that Williams has died in Barwon prison // Jason, Mark & Lewis Moran were unavailable for comment. …”
hahaha
Jimmie,
I have a beagle too. How cool is that.
I have a Bull Terrier!
(sorry, that’s completely irrelevant.)
No Chub, I think we should get a pack together, saddle up and go Bogue hunting what!
Carl Williams was apparently beaten to death with an exercise bike, probably the closest he’d ever been to one. And Mother Valo used to say that a bit of exercise wouldn’t kill you…
abc news: “Williams went on to become known as a smiling assassin, ordering the murders of several criminals and sparking Melbourne’s gangland war, which in turn spawned the hugely popular Underbelly TV series.”
which is the greater crime?
murdering criminals or spawning Underbelly?
Need you ask dear Chubbster.
yeah…
retorical really.
*sigh*
Juan,
It has begun!
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/williams-dead-after-assault/story-e6frf7jo-1225855500950
Cheryl of Melton Posted at 2:47 PM Today
He was a bad man and sold drugs and led the cops on a wild goose chase for 10 years but at least he took care of his kids not like the deadbeat dads around here.
Comment 60 of *87
——————-
LOL
Many of the posters are hoping this will be covered in the next season of Underbelly!?
One good thing is there will be multiple interviews of Uncle Chop Chop saying how Carl was a poofer and a weak mummys boy.
there’s also this one:
Macka of Yarraville Posted at 2:52 PM Today
I bet now that hes dead everyone will have a go at him… bunch of cowards. If you are going to say something nasty then say it to their face. Otherwise, shut up and have some respect for the dead!
Comment 75 of *87
Yeah bra, have some respect for Carl ya faaarrrken caaarnt!
It’s gold!
Juansito, I will see your comment 60, and raise you comment 74:
“Really sad. He was top bloke who was misunderstood. Rest in Peace mate.”
Best of all, it was posted by….drumroll, please…..”Shazza of Seddon”!
How long before the Facebook tribute page kicks off?
Silly me – there are already a couple of FB sites up and running. Bogans are posting their heartfelt little tributes left, right and centre….
…but there is one cracker FB page called ‘Carl Williams is Dead: This is horrible news for pie-shop owners.”
Other sites have the predictable “legend”, “nah, die &#(t, die”, “nah, you die ya @(^#ng dog” witty repartee.
Over and out.
Can we just shut down FB all together. Maybe a collective of bogans should be called “facebook” from now on.
I really dislike FB with such an unhealthy passion these days.
Good call, although I can proudly say I have never ever been on facebook, and never will.
Same – Make real friends you schmucks!!
we are of a common mind sir.
I am a most infrequent visitor to facebook, when I do go in though I am almost overwhelmed by the decline of western civilisation writ so large.
I’d rather just not know.
I’ve just been perusing some of the RIP Carl pages on facebook and have come to the conclusion that I too am sad that he is dead. Never has their been a greater vehicle for the banding together of bogans than this fat c*nts demise.
It gets better – How’s this bit of bogan logic (can they actually hear themselves)
lifes_unfair of Melbourne Posted at 3:28 PM Today
Carl was a true Australian icon! We should be bringing his murderer to justice! You simply cannot go murdering anyone you want. RIP Carl
Comment 92 of 117
The sad part in all this, is the predicable replies from the huge amount of nuffies out there.
Australia you are a “fucken” frustrating “cunt”ry
I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry at that one.
Well it’s definately laughable.. Bogan logic at its best. “You simply cannot go murdering anyone you want. RIP Carl”
Did this person read this before submitting and say to him/herself “hang on a minute….”
It’s okay for you lot. Tomorrow I head back to work in the mines.
This is all I will hear about for the next two weeks.
Full Sympathy Mick, truly.
Then challenge their stupid logic Mick. Go on..but i doubt you will have many mates left after you do.
They will think you are a “pooftah” while dreaming of having an 11 on 1 gang bang with anal sex included.
I’ve learnt not to argue. I had the audacity to tell the massed bogues that I’m not interested in a sex tour of Thailand. Also at ten in the morning I’d rather go for a coffee than a beer. It didn’t go over very well.
Now I just smile and play The Girl From Ipanema in my head.
The bogues would get the lyrics wrong and sing The Girl From Indonesia.
The Girl from “I want an Enema “?
Wow, sorry Mick.
Seems like the massed bogues that you have the unfortunate job of dealing with need to give themselves a collective uppercut.
I do feel for you though. When this happens to me I usually imagine them combusting, or, what’s really fun is imagining them all stabbing each other repeatedly with forks!
Courage, Mick. Courage. Godspeed, my friend.
I’d rather eat my head that spend a fortnight hearing about what a top bloke/legend/misrepresented chap CW was.
He’s a triumph of marketing and packaging – if ol’ Carl had actually looked half-evil instead of like a perpetually grinning, salad-dodging village idiot, and hadn’t sported an excellent ear for a soundbite, he’d be just another dead crim.
I absolutely refuse to believe this could have been posted in all seriousness. It has to be a joke. Right?
it’s got to be a troll?
right?
Look at you two. Always looking for the best in humanity.
I think it’s very cute.
It’s that, or drug abuse, Mick. For the sake of sanity. And drug abuse is expensive.
Has to be.
Bogans are quite skilled at accidental irony, though.
Nah… it’s a troll.
Ruh roh.
i like this: “I want to set up a business to wash their cars and mow their lawns after they’re gone”. chubbybloodyfart attempts to resurrect his former career that previously had already given every indication that it was going so close to nowhere that he “retired” (i.e signed on to welfare) from it. BA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
Oh, James Hunter. (You’re from) Armidale, eh? hardly a revelation…
Were you in town for the show this year?
Hi Peter,
Well no I was not in town for the show this year,
BUT
If you can organise a Gigg in Armidale for me then you can have the standard agents commission.
No Probs, in this Market economy every one does need to get paid for what they do.
you poor sad little man.
you didn’t read the link did you?
the irony was a little rich for your mighty wit?
how was work?
lots of bowing and scraping from the “drones”?
how many were there again?
oh 285. that’s right.
Gee I bet you have a real nice house mister!
(it’s worth saying twice)
have you been stewing on this all day?
oh my.
How long till someone calls for a long weekend in tribute?
Has already happened in one of the herald suns comments – He’s actually being likened to Ned Kelly.
Who says bogans are predictable Mezz.
My sentiments exactly Simon.
Mezz, do you happen to have a link to a Carl Williams/Ned Kelly co-reference?
I bet a grey nurse that this ludicrous misalignment would be invoked within two hours of news of this nasty-for-the-cleaners-but-not-terribly-upsetting bit of news. Need the time-coded evidence, now!
I have another $50 that says some slow-talkin’ gansta-wannabe slackjaw will, in an open forum, before this week is out, make the staggeringly relevant observation that Carl died around the same time as Anzac Day, and that he, too, is a great fallen Aussie. I don’t want to be right, but I’m confident I will be.
shaun of melb Posted at 3:29 PM Today
a true australian icon has past, the scenes of which have not been seen since the hanging of another famous icon in Ned Kelly, long live australian outlaws. Let April 19 be remembered as a new australian public holiday!!!
Comment 98 of 117
You would love to think these people are taking the piss but the sad reality is no, they mean it. They are from Victoria after all.
Victoria has by far the biggest concentration of bogans i have seen in Australia. I was horribly surprised at the amount of bogans i would see walking around in the Melbourne CBD when i first moved here.
In other states they are whisked away and placed in centres at least 1 hour away from the cbd. No, not in melbourne – the ring of commish flats positioned just outside of the CBD is proof of this.
Where’s Fiona to contribute to this discussion?
off getting the cling rap ready for juansito
ROFL.
cm,
dont forget the rubber bands, to make sure the cling wrap stayes in place.
common man/juansito you are on top form today.
She/It has been quiet…no…wait
Fiona was Carl Williams. That must be it.
2 + 2 =4
..it all makes sene now!
*sense
Ever been to Darwin?
Good point, but Darwin is a bogan city for bogans and it’s expected, same goes for northern and southern queensland..make that all of queensland.
I was told by southerners that melbourne is the “culture” capital of Australia. I didn’t expect it to be bogan culture.
Juan,
The only people who say that are Victorians, all the rest of us know the truth.
bam swoosh smash!-crunch crunch
The whole AFL love thing would be a bit of a hint, tbh
ha ha welcome too the glassin state sweet cheeks,you will find a big contributer too this problem was discussed in a recent TBL post amongst others.The bogues you speak of do live an hour away predominatly towards where the sun sets.The high-rise commission you mention are something far different too bogan,they are there for a reason to keep a delicate balance and are one stop shops for anything you want if you have the right store card.On a more serious note does anyone reckons the kid in neighbours who was/is Toadies stepson/whatever looks like a young Carl Williams?
I was actually listening to a couple of young bogues talking about how there needs to be another long weekend between Easter and Anzac long weekends. Not that I don’t enjoy a long weekend from time to time but hey – It fits perfectly with Shaun of Melbournes post above..
you poor sad little man.
you didn’t read the link did you?
the irony was a little rich for your mighty wit?
how was work?
lots of bowing and scraping from the “drones”?
how many were there again?
oh 285. that’s right.
Gee I bet you have a real nice house mister!
Oh my god! My step uncle ‘swears’ by these (He’s a a bogan) It seriously is just a piece of rubber, it doesn’t do anything, thank god bogans don’t understand what the placebo effect is, otherwise modern marketing would be SCREWED.
At least Channel 9 will get another series of UNDERBELLY out of it. That’s all the bogan cares about.
Just like the bogan who was bitten by a snake and refused to get any medical attention for it – cause he didn’t want to miss underbelly.
I curse the snake for not having enough powerful venom.
Here is one that did not escape Darwin. Obviously not wearing his power band.
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw-act/extreme-dude-dies-in-wheelie-bin-tragedy/story-e6freuzi-1225855184229
Simon,Glasser at Arms,
Do you mean Escaped from Darwin city?
thats what I presumed. and true.
However I also equally that he may be the one who escaped the “Charles Darwin ” Theory of evolution?
sounds like all the smarts of a creationist ??
Friends of the fellow who died while surfing the wheelie bin (I can honestly say I never thought I would ever type the words ‘surfing the wheelie bin’ in my life) somehow discovered this article had been posted on the TBL facebook site and invaded it this evening. Much cyber glassing, threats of being thrown off a cliff and the classic bogan slurs of ‘ya farkin dog!’ & ‘ya farkin mole!’ followed. It was x-treme monster truxxx madness. They even threw in some racial slurs without adding “i’m not racist, but…” to the begining.
yes valo mellissa an corben=#97…
The media are going gaga over this atm. The Age has decided to dedicate the rest of the days news story on carl, the hun is going one better, the radio media are updating it every 10 minutes.
Did a famous Australian artist/novalist/playwright die?
How about a person who dedicated his life in helping others improve theirs?
What about a scientist who spent his whole life researching and finding cures for illness?
FUCK NO! (said with maxXxtreme force)
A fat, uneducated, lazy, lowlife, dickhead criminal, drug dealing bogan’s death is being pampered and in a way secretly celebrated by the media knowing too well that 70% of this stupid nations population will eat it up hence ratings and $$$$$$ revenue.
PLEASE TBL KEEP SHAMING THE BOGAN!!!
We’ve been working pretty hard on our facebook (and especially) twitter pages this afternoon. Check em out. TBL
And we’ll get this frenzy all over again when the arseholes funeral is held.
I bet his eulogy will contain utter tripe such as ‘He was a real gentle guy, who wouldn’t hurt anybody.”
Nelson Esq.
That is something that realy gets up my goat.
EVERY teenage bogan that kills himself and often others in his car or inocents in other cars or bystanders is described by friends and relatives as”wonderful person, gentle and kind, loved by all his mates, helped little old ladies cross the street, would give his umbrella to the needy in a smnow storm, and so on
dribble predictale, comments from the camera prompter, total shit.
Why no one ever says, little shit, used to steel his little sisters lunch money,
used never to stand up for the disabled on public transport, loved driving through puddles next to bus stops, was realy a drunk layabout????
Make me puke.
Gee… way to use every struggling comedians bit without acknowledgement…
I’ll insert the CTOP for you.
Toony,
thank you !
“Carl Williams dead. Channel Nine furiously trying to figure out how they can get tits into Underbelly 4 – Inside Maximum Security.”
I really did LOL and the rest of them.
Bravo TBL bravo!
Whan see tow,
Maybe reserect the cast from ” Prisoner “??
Jimbob – no.
carl williams did have man boobs, but i don’t think that’ll cut it for nine.
The bogan has a short memory, surely this will have blown over by the end of the year, surely 9 would have rolled out the dramatic conclusion to this epic bogan saga by then. If not, I’m buying an island with a sign “Fuck off bogan’s were full”
chubbybloodfart: if you spot it you’ve got it…
and… i don’t read “links”.
Oh, James Hunter, who in their right mind wants to watch you perform. sorry to hear about it.
Peter,
so that would be why ewe always sell out at the ticket office ? only keep a few back so we can let the first 20 or so in at “door sales”
You obviously wouldnt kno so should just slink off in a corner someplace and do whatever comes to hand.
Oh, James Hunter, when you’re doing a gig in a Grand Sitting Room of course it’ll be a sold out show.
Perer, You rewaly are a dick some times.
1500 at the Enmore Theatre , is hardly a “grand Sitting Room” as you so quaintly put it
As I said before, you so obviously do not know so you do not even have anoyance value, amusement value,? spose, if I decide to give comedy a go you may have value as a straight man/woman ?
Don’t give comedy a go.
Toony,
You dont want me as a commedian OR
you cant see Peter as a straight man OR
both.???
Both. Nowt. All at the same time?
“Why no one ever says, little shit, used to steel his little sisters lunch money,
used never to stand up for the disabled on public transport, loved driving through puddles next to bus stops, was realy a drunk layabout????”
haha during Melbourne s recent rare rain period I was driving along some street in footisgrey and couldn’t help myself when i spotted a puddle next to a tram stop while a few locals were standing waiting for a tram.
They were already wet, yes?
Whan see tow,
Great, we always knew you would be good for something.
Now you have found your niche in life stick with it. !!
I trust you’ll be doing a ‘celebrity’ funeral post in a few days, TBL. Go on.
Oh, James Hunter, the maxtreme crowds at the Enmore were simply a figment of your blurred, booze-fueled vision.
Wake up to yourself. Or at least sober up.
From my distant memory, “playing the Enmore” was a badge of honour in the early 90s….with maXXtreme yuppie gentrification, it’s almost a branding of…
Twa-hud-ness?
Well Toony,
This was mid 2000’s so please fill me in on the real meraning of this ?
Peter,
!!!
James Hunter comes from Armidale and therefore mistakenly assumes that anywhere in Sydders Inner West is, like, really culturally dark, cool’n’kinda artistic.
Oh, James Hunter. Culture is just another job in Australian and as such only a job if you’re employed. Sorry!
Peter,
All I can say is:
!!!
A couple of late thoughts: I wonder what sort of price could be asked for these things if they were strung with Pandora charms?
I have a hologram on my credit card. As a home trial I’m going to slap it on my forehead and see what happens.
genius!
keep us posted!
Don’t you dare, Sibyl.
I suggested this earlier today – ergo, I own the copyroight. Or I’ll f&*kin’ glass ya. And I’ll glass so f&$kin’ hard (cos I’ll be wearin’ me Power Balance Band) that I’ll do me back, so it’ll be your fault, so I’ll get my good mates at Slater & Gordon’ll sue ya.
…or we could just go halvsies?! 😉
Sybil Inc,
Nice try but i can see right through that.
So I’m watching Man vs Wild and noticed that, whilst Bear does sport crappy rubbery wrist adornments, they seem to be sans holograms and thus cannot be power balance bands.
How then, can his ultimate maxtreme behaviour be explained?
Because, Shirl, Bear Grylls is one of the biggest spankers that God ever shovelled guts into.
If he wore a Power Balance Band, the sun would immediately implode from the unsustainable concentration of loud, valueless wankery in one spot.
lol!!^^like^^..
Does the Power Balance Band come from the same people who gave Homer Simpson the “Power Sauce” energy bar?
Shouldn’t you be packing? You’re not trying to avoid tomorrow’s little voyage to Bogania, are you?
No, I must go back. This job is just a stepping stone for me on my way to living on the south coast of Spain.
I can deal with the bogues for a while knowing that long term I can leave them behind.
You can do it.
Do it for Carl. Our Carl. Aussie Carl.
you know what i just realised? carl williams should have been wearing a power balance band.
I’m sure they’ve paid big money already to suppress that component of the coroner’s report.
Did you realise all you lovely people out there that for the last hour Channel 9 has been playing a Carl Williams Special ??
They must of had it ready. Question is did they have insider knowledge ??
come on TBL there may be a scoop on the scoop here?
Oh, James Hunter, at least you needn’t worry about having to contribute to the school fees bill for the daughter of Carl Williams. Apparently it’s only taxpayers who need do that. Although, I guess the tax on the booze plus the 100+ per day of cancer sticks you suck down does add up to a bit. Sorry to hear about it, anyway…
Peter,,
I realy do not want to encourage you by responding to you BUT if one thing gets up my nose it is smokers. I do not smoke, I have not smoked and I intensely dislike smokers in my airspace. so stop blowing smoke up my ass and every one elses.if you want to debate with every one then either use facts
or
give us opinions or ideas or humour
do not
Invent personal shit and pass it of as fact
Well… look at that.
http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/carl-williams-killed-in-prison-20100419-soab.html
Oops. I’m way too late, aren’t I?
I recently learned of this product whilst travelling. I encountered 2 males in a French train station. In subsequent conversation one of them told me about his power bracelet, and how he had been duped into purchasing it by a workmate following a series of tests. He went on to note that he had since seen the product debunked on ‘A Current Affair’ and was now aware of it’s lack of scientific merit. Amazingly he was still wearing the bracelet; I can only speculate why. Could he not part with it given the monetary investment? Was he hoping to fool others who had not seen the Current Affair expose? I can not for the life of me understand why someone would knowingly wear something that screams “I have been ripped off”.
If either of the young gentlemen are reading this: I did have facebook, I just didn’t want to be your friend, you both seemed ok but the powerband thing and the ‘you know, darkies just have a bit of a smell to them’ comment saw you disqualified by my exacting standards.
Of course, WIlliams’ lawyer wants a Royal Commission.
Yeah, lets’ spend a few million dollars more on grubs like this.
Oh, James Hunter, what brilliance are you bringing to “our” collective table? I mean, aside from an almost empty bladder from a cask of fruity lexia.
Perhaps you and chubbybloodfart could employ a smidgen from the munificence of his Jim’s Mowing pension to really treat TBL readers to a massive knees-up.
And worry not, pops, my use of the word ’employ’ does not mean you need to go and get a job or anything.
you got up first thing in the morning to come and post that?
you’re an insecure little thing aint’cha?
Peter, I’m sure your dad was very proud and loved you very much.
even if he never said so.
you should buy a boat so everyone can see how well you’re doing. The (perceived) envy of strangers is sure to give your spirits a lift.
Have fun at work!
Peter,
!!
jesus. what a sad little tool eh?
Chubby,
Says it all though?
you got up first thing in the morning to come and post that?
you’re an insecure little thing aint’cha?
Peter, I’m sure your dad was very proud and loved you very much.
even if he never said so.
you should buy a boat so everyone can see how well you’re doing. The (perceived) envy of strangers is sure to give your spirits a lift.
Have fun at work!
Ah Chubby,
don’t get the wrong idea but your my kind of man !
thanks james.
I keep posting in the wrong spot.
maybe he’s right and I am a dolt.
Guys, leave Peter alone. He does not get out much and is unsure of how to deal with humans.
Simon,
I have one desexed female about 2 1/2 years and one desexed male about 12months. Always had shepheards before which are smart critters but these nose dogs are clever!
ours are also bed dogs but I think thats normal? If it were not normal god wouldnt have created king size beds ?
Simon,
dont let him on the king sized bed then or he realy will think hes part of the family
No we have a strict no dogs in the bedroom rule. Mine is a desexed male 2 1/2 years old called Richo. They are smart buggers thats for sure.
“you got up first thing in the morning to come and post that?”
No. I rise early every morning. Life is not a dress rehearsal (even if one appears on stage at The Enmore…)
Speaking of insecure: i see my comment regarding the flatline trajectory of your career really got to you, chubbybloodfart.
Oh, James Hunter, did you get the number of the truck?
hardly!
My self esteem is sound. your petulant ripostes lack wit or substance, and are so wide of the mark as to be laughable. Your comments serve only to reinforce my conclusion that you are an ungrateful and insecure puffed up little tyrant.
you on the other hand seem unable to let it go.
taking pot shots from your little ivory castle.
it’s just sad.
you can have the last word.
oh,
and have fun at work tomorrow!
are you still going with this?
what is the payoff exactly?
Is it possible your 285 drones aren’t enough to prop up your frail ego?
Has it all been for nought?
your petulant ripostes lack wit or substance, and are so wide of the mark as to be laughable. Your comments serve only to reinforce my conclusion that you are an ungrateful and insecure puffed up little tyrant.
Have fun at work!
Chubster – don’t feed the troll!
Everybody’s Special Friend Peter has special needs of his own – one of those needs is the life-sustaining oxygen from needling others.
So what do with do with Special Friends, Chub? Chub? Yes! We make allowances. And we leave them to rabbit on in their own, special, special way.
Over and out.
I don’t know if it works cause of technology or it it works because its in your mind but i have tried one, and i cant normally touch my toes without a lot of pain, and i could touch my toes with it, so i think it does work. But even if its only in your mind it still works and it works well, the mind is a powerful thing and if you have something good enough to trick into thinking you are stronger, more flexible and have more balance and this allows you to have it, why not buy it.
seriously i hate sceptics, give things a try before you say it doesn’t work, if it doesn’t work for you don’t buy it, if it works for other people, even if it tricks the mind, don’t tell them it doesn’t work and they have been ripped off they like it, they think its worth it, and it works for them.
also when i tried it i was the first to try it, it worked for me and i was told it works, then other people tried it, they said it didn’t work and it did nothing to them, i believed them and had another go yet it still worked for me, so it may not be a trick to the brain but it just might not work for everyone.
Sheep are made for shearing.
Rene is a prim example of this.
Rene is probably only 16…
They’re back in the news:
http://www.smh.com.au/national/the-power-of-one–band-claims-to-be-tackled-by-health-regulator-20100623-yz9c.html
About time too…
And again…
http://www.smh.com.au/small-business/entrepreneur/a-question-of-balance-20100907-14ysj.html#poll
Other things bogans like: quoting ridiculous figures that they don’t understand in order to sound authoritative.
500% increase in strength, you say? So if I can bench-press 50kg without it, I can bench press 300kg with it? Seriously? Raw numbers are so easy to test, so these scam artists should stick to nebulous, impossible-to-prove claims.
Reminds me of when Mariah Carey was big with bogans, and I heard some people (including king bogan and so-called “music expert” Molly Meldrum) claiming she had an eight octave range. That’s the range of a grand piano, you fuckwits, and unless she can hit notes lower than Barry White, she must be able to make sounds too high for humans to hear.
500% more power? Ok let’s do some math, if a weight lifter lifting a 100kg weight that means after wearing this you will be able to lift 500kg……..yeah right!! I CAN FLY TOO!!!
i bend metal with the power of my mind when wearing a power balance band.
Pb
Can’t everyone ?
it fake fake fake why pay 60 bucks for fake stuff.fake fake fake it does not work don’t buy them they suck and it’s fake.
These have been named & shamed by our friends at The Punch:
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/little-rubber-band-gives-my-journalism-extra-balance/#comments
Brilliant observation by one commenter: “The sheer awesomeness of the band means if you wore it on both wrists, the competing energy fields would literally RIP YOU IN HALF.”
Also like the offer from another reader to charge $60 to glue performance-enhancing tazos to the forehead of idiots.
Anyone spot the Australian article on this crap:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/sport/billy-slater-nathan-friend-at-odds-over-powerbands/story-e6frg7mf-1225922962377
The irony of the last sentence is just beautiful.
Ha ha, if you go to the powerbalance website, under “What is power balance”, it merely says “Coming soon”. PB correctly predicts that the bogue will never need to know exactly what power balance is, just who wants to wear it, and how it will bolster its identity.
I know its a bit late to be digging this thread up but I just found this piece of pure gold. Does irony get any better than this?
http://www.batemansbaypost.com.au/news/local/news/general/fake-power-band-scam/1887512.aspx
[…] include the theory that Richard Wilkins’ soul is trapped inside the hologram installed in every Power Balance Band that is sold to bogans with the promise of a 500% increase in power and […]
[…] include the theory that Richard Wilkins’ soul is trapped inside the hologram installed in every Power Balance Band that is sold to bogans with the promise of a 500% increase in power and […]
The ACCC has now declared them bullshit.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/12/23/3100270.htm?section=business
They’ll be declaring religion is bullshit next.
“They’ll be declaring religion is bullshit next.”
Well of course it is, but as long religions are only asking for donations there is nothing the ACCC can do.
But if they start selling stuff and making claims about it, like say the Scientologists, then that is a different matter.
Howard,
The roman caflick church used to sell “Indulgences” i.e. you could be forgiven of your sins for a price.
Even the gayest bogan, Daniel Kowalski loved these things: http://www.compressport.com.au/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/image-5.png
Dear lord, spotted in Bali, Power Balance Bands. I can just imagine the Bogue thinking they were getting a great deal…………… rips offs of rip offs? The mind boggles.
I sensed a disturbance in the Force. As if a million bogan souls cried out in anguish. Or however it goes.
http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2011/11/powerbalance-scam-lawsuit-forces-company-into-bankrupcy/