Shane sits on his couch, getting ready to hit play on A Beautiful Behind, when Kelly comes in, a look of joy on her weathered face. Awkwardly hiding Anal Bandits 6 and American Booty under a cushion, his eyes fix on the object his wife is holding triumphantly: a crisp new copy of Breaking Dawn. Looking past her bemused husband to where her other three Twilight novels lay stacked on the table, Kelly makes a decision. Along with that Da Vinci book written by Tom Hanks, the Idiot’s Guide to Property Investing and the Masterchef Cookbook, the couple now have a library and will need an appropriate receptacle in which to display their possessions. Remembering something her friend Kylee told her at the beauty salon the night before, she tells Shane to head down to that new IKEA in Rhodes and buy a bookcase. Still dreaming of buxom pre-teens, Shane happily acquiesces, hoping she might repay his chivalry by letting him take her in the derrière when he gets home…
Bogans love IKEA. The stores are HUGE, cavernous warehouses big enough to have their own postcode, complete with restaurants and childcare centres. Dispensing with their children, the bogan can wrap its chops around a nutritious meal of Swedish meatballs, and browse from over 12,000 products, ranging from furniture, kitchenware and home ware, to weird storage contraptions that only appear to have a functional purpose within the context of an IKEA store display. Stores have a “one way layout,” with a system of arrows helpfully leading the bogan “the long natural way” past all 12,000 products.
All of the products have exotic Swedish names like Malmo, Gutvik, Bernard and Fanning, reminding the Bogan of singing ABBA songs on karaoke and Mamma Mia the musical, whilst conveying an image of Nordic purity and quality workmanship, despite being made of Otway-sourced chipboard and packed in a factory in Nanjing.
Best of all, IKEA appeals to the Bogan’s relentless DIY instincts. Most of IKEA’s furniture comes unassembled in ‘flat boxes’ of particle board and mysterious Scandinavian screw bolts (invariably one short). This allows IKEA to cut shipping costs and fatten their profit margins, while the bogan enjoys the experience of vainly wielding an Allen Key for a few hours before doing its back in and paying an IKEA technician to assemble it for $80.
…3 hours later, Shane emerges from the labyrinthine store, disoriented and with two servings of meatballs in his belly, his trolley towering with flat boxes. Along with a Bjorn bookcase, he has a Björk wall unit, a coffee table, a dog bowl, an egg whisk, 2 woks, a bath towel, 3 jars of lingonberry preserve and a Swedish herring. Looking forward to his homecoming, he thinks he’ll ask Kelly to pretend she’s a Swedish backpacker before taking a rumpus romp in her rumpa.
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LOL. Um… so it’s a furniture store? Do they sell antiques?
Bogan antiques. That is, last seasons furniture at a discounted price.
LOL. So it’s like last year’s designer drug to them too?
Precisely. My my Fiona. How much you have learnt!
LOL. I really feel my education is becoming just a little more rounded now that I’m interacting with you lesser people more and more. And, if I say so myself, quite naturally too.
This place will teach you so much more than your Higher degree in the Classics…
And prepare you for the crazy bogan world out there (outside of Toorak of course)…
LOL. I employ a large staff to ensure I DON’T have to interact with anyone outside of Toorak, thank you very much. Well, except here. You’re all my dirty little secret.
Do you reside on Irving St Fiona, i was there yesterday just down the road from Lindsey’s shack.
LOL. I do not, but if I did, I wouldn’t say anyway.
dale?
ok so i can eliminate Irving St from the list.How about Mailing St?(this information is not for me,but someone else.)
Do you ever say anything but LOL?
Just ask loftie. He’s usually in the trees outside her manor.
So you must be one of those old over botoxed ‘nightmare on Toorak Rd’ kind of ladies eh?
you’re the biggest bogan on the site fiona… stop pretending to be obtuse
LOL. I think you’re after “Fiona of Balwyn”.
I resent that accusation!
I may not have a degree in Classics but I’m not swanning around Fountain Gate just yet..!
LOL. HIGHER degree in the Classics, thank you very much. And as for Fountain Gate… “yet” was most apt.
Being bogan seems a lot easier than being middle class right now!
The two are not mutually exclusive.
Is FOT middle class???
I would think that kind of accusation would be most offensive to her :P
LOL. I’d suggest they’re synonymous.
Indeed they’re not but I don’t think many bogans could be called middle class – most seem to reside either side!
picture with box or so much bullshit. fiona can’t prove she has a degree, nor can she explain what a ‘higher’ degree is. although the internet access she enjoys from her local centrelink office is second to none.
Eating too much?
More likely FOT is the teenage daughter off wealthy Chinese/Malaysian couple.
sorry i meant FOB
We’ve got an IKEA bookcase in our study which my wife bought back in the early 1990’s when she first moved to Melbourne. By your bogan definition Shirley, would this make it an antique to the exxxtreme?
I should go down to the antique shops on High St, Armadale and get it valued! Sounds like it might be worth something!
Shit yeah, Nelson. It’s probably only a matter of time before Boguetique Roadshow hits our television screens, so you can take it along to find out it’s value – not because you’d ever sell it… for insurance, of course.
Boguetique Roadshow…love it!! ‘Antique’ bookcases from IKEA, vintage couches (with pull out sofa-bed) from Ken Bruce, prints of dogs playing poker / Elvis Presley / Marilyn Monroe in black metal pictureframes, all the cricket memorabilia crap that Channel Nein flogs off every year during the Test Match telecasts, ‘signed’ pictures of Bruce Lee and other celebrities / sports heroes bought from those ‘Stars & Legends’ stores in all major Westfield Shpping centres, Pandora bracelets…they’ll all be appraised by Boguetique Roadshow!
You musn’t forget those 3D-like framed thingies of pop icons like Freddie Mercury, KISS and Piddly Diddly or whatever his name is. The ones where the subject stands in relief of the background like a cameo. I nearly embarrassed myself in a bodily function kind of way when I saw the proliferation of those at the Queen Vic market.
Piddly Diddly – Love it!!
Frankly I thing the term “P-Diddy” should only ever be used by parents for toilet training purposes. There is no other legitimate reason for thwe use of such a term..
Stolen bar mats from the early ’90s…
Fantastic concept, if I do say so myself.
so what? are we supposed to throw out our furniture and replace it every season now?
No Fi they are waitingfor you to visit !!
ikea is the best place to watch bogan couples scream at each other over flat-packed furniture.
that place is like a modern version of dante’s hell.
Surely the loading bay is the perfect location for a bit of road-rage as well, MaXXeene screaming at Brent from between two trolleys, telling him to ‘punch that faggut’ that just backed their Magna into the family Conformadore.
Bernard and Fanning. hehehe.
Nice segue from anal to Ikea!
let us never speak of yesterday’s unpleasantness again.
Personally, I was disappointed that the comments weren’t more maxXxtreme.
I’ve been away for several days, and I must concur Shirley. Very disappointed indeed.
LOL. Your absence was noted James. In the positive sense.
In that you had no one of superior education to guide you all in the right direction.
LOL. Well, if you say so. So far as your skills in “anal” go, I bow (but not bend (over)) to your expertise.
Hey – I’m an academic. I don’t have to know how to do something better to be disappointed in the efforts of others. Its my job.
LOL. I look forward to your next peer reviewed critique of “Ass Blasters 5: Black in the Saddle” then.
I concur. I am trying to drag myself away from my bogan upbringing and improve myself. Every day I see something mentioned on here that I don’t understand so I google it to get a better grasp on the issues that face the world.
Yesterday opened some doors that should have been nailed shut.
LOL. Some back doors, it would seem.
Don’t be a stick in the mud.
By the sounds of it, I doubt that he will be.
Chubby, be fair it would appear that some more then enjoyed yesterday.snigger snigger.
I wonder how many curious readers have woken this morning with sore bums and regret?
I did note that there was a distinct lack of comments and discussion on yesterdays post, it must have scared some of the more reserved readers off
Kernel of truth there, but mainly I think it was simply not safe for work.
I found it off colour and too depressing at the time ton contribute (esp the donkey punch(!) and chatter about the younguns). I’m trying to laugh at it now…
Yes, that it was! But why are there no links? Will TBL add those later?
When I think about it, anal and ikea really do have quite a lot in common.
Beautiful.
I have no experience with Ikea, beyond a stroll thru the labyrinth on a few occasions. I seem to find myself in one once every couple of years. I somehow find the experience soothing and calming. somehow altogether pleasant. very odd. a bit like being in a japenese garden..
never felt he urge to part with any cash though,
and I wouldn’t eat the food for a f*cking bet!
I have to admit defeat.
I still love Ikea but it is permeated with bogans every time I go.
I wonder if any bogans out there have named their children after the furniture?
Malm and Garggg, anyone?
Nah, too foreign, woggy and poofy. And not phonetic enough, either. Bogue-spawn shall always be called Tiarnee, Skylah or Holden. Fact.
Spotted this travesty yesterday: Krysteene.
I’m not joking. It actually made me angry.
Hmmm. Do you think that is meant to be Christine or Kirsten. LOL
Or Kerosene?
Sten
Instead of an avatar she would have “Avtur”
Maybe a nick name of JP1 ?
scheisse. i thought it was impossible for the classic Krystal to mutate anymore.
Ditto – I like Ikea, but not the stores.
We’ve bought a number of items of Ikea furniture in our time. Why? Because it is cheap, cheerful furniture. When you need a set of draws to chuck stuff in (and you are terminally daggy like we are, and the function is more important than the form) it’s good stuff. Happily all but one item was purchased online, so we were spared the pain of actually turning up, which negates any benefits IMO.
I’ve only been to Ikea once – in Milton Keynes in the UK. The place was massive. It was, an experience. We were amazed and really quite impressed by the way they did business. The checkouts were making constant happy sounds, and a lot of money was being made.
We vowed never to go there again.
On a perhaps naïve note – I’m quite pleased about the flatpack side of things. It’s efficient not only from their financial view, also flat pack can bring reductions in terms of the energy used in making and shipping these items. No bad thing.
Yeah, I don’t agree with the hating on Ikea. It produces cheap, functional and reasonably well made* furniture which is sometimes exactly what one needs. The bogan ratio is no worse than any department store at the one I have been to, and certainly not as bad as that bogue temple Harvey Norman.
* if one is capable of following simple pictorial instructions
Agreed. I required a couple of full-height bookcases to house my rapidly expanding collection of books (I hesitate to call it a library until it takes up a whole wall in a large room). I found IKEA easy to deal with and light on the wallet. Plus I had the bookcases up an half an hour after getting them home.
Recommendation – Our last two bookcases came from Go-Lo ;-) Less hassle, if they have them in.
the cast iron skillets($15) are actually as good as one i was given by a friend of mine who is a chef, cost him about $150.
And the teflon whisks are the shit.
or take a leaf out of the interior design book written by the occupants of the “20 something dole bludger” house that I live in and collect a whole bunch of milk cartons and tie them together with rope
do u really mean cartons or crates?
don’t know about cartons for furniture but milk crates are awesome.my wardrobe is made up of crates.they r also great as a futon base or legs for a desk
ha! yes I did mean crates, well spotted (none of the Typo-Nazi’s found it)
I did but I knew what you meant :)
Just because bogans like it, doesn’t mean you have to hate it.
If you can handle shopping alongside bogan families as you wonder around the maze through the tiny foam couches and weird hanging ceiling things and not be annoyed by the little screaming trip hazards, you’re welcome to it.
Could you pick me up some round plastic containers (the 5 pack), tea light candles and ice cube trays next time you’re they’re please? I can’t stand the place (but like these things!).
isn’t it strange and wonderful that little bogan kids’ heads are about knee height?…..
Terrible!
Maybe THAT’s where they got their ADHD?!
or double concussion. its best if they don’t look where they’re going, that way you can put your hips into it and they don’t brace for impact. mwahahahaha!!!!!!!!111
I guess it’s cheap by Australian standards.
But after living overseas and purchasing a brand new beautiful leather three-seater couch for only 30,000 Japanese Yen (A$350), I seriously regretted not shipping my furniture back when I encountered prices here. Similar design leather couch A$3000!!! Sooo, feeling poor in Oz, it was off to Ikea to buy a shitty couch that requires me to put a cover on (difficult), plus get stuck in a labrynthe of bogans. I hate Ikea.
Agreed, I think anyone who’s actually BEEEN to Ikea (rather than just discussed it over a latte) knows that the bogan element is far less than Hardly Normal or Freedom. Why? No prestige, no obvious brand names.
Admittedly, their furniture is not well-made, but I go for their gadgets, kitchenware, glassware, and office supplies which are excellent value.
It’s always a rather boring mistake to assume cheap = bogan, and if one reads between the lines of the articles here, the true bogan is more concerned about the status of their brands rather than what they like. Therefore, I love IKEA.
I am impressed by the passion with which fans are willing to defend Ikea.
I remain indifferent. also
Harvey Norman has been covered extensively in another post,
and
No one contends that “because you like this you are a bogan.”
if one reads between the lines of the articles here.
It’s always a rather boring mistake
if one …is more concerned …with what they like… Therefore.
Wow, does that define passion in your world?
“Admittedly, there’s no expertise, but, hey, it’s a cheap date”.
I require a bit more enthusiasm before it’s counted as passion.
But if you tell me you constructed that post while you were completely chemically altered (other than by Bundy and Coke), I’d understand.
ok.
enthusiasm then.
No one contends that “because you like this you are a bogan.”
of course I’m off my face.
derr
Ah, I thought I’d written something last night… Glad to see I can still spell when everything else is anaesthetised.
you really should keep that to yourself…..
I have grave reservations the accuracy of today’s topic.
In the interests of laziness, and being utterly self-referential, I point to a particularly well-written post on the “Doing One’s Back In” page which reads:
“…it’s the person who wants something functional and who couldn’t give a rat’s about brand names, and your ‘Aussie battler’, rather than the NAB who worships at Ikea.
CUBs/NABs don’t DO flat-pack – with only an Allan key to work with, it’s insufficiently maXXXtreme. The bogan cannot manfully claim to have “done me back” building the Schnaaaargenthrop footstool.
Ikea also specialises in storage. The CUB doesn’t do storage – it would rather convert part of the 4-Hummer garage into a “study”, and then throw $hit into a cupboard in the corner. Either that, or dump it on the footpath.
Two quick thumbs-up to Ikea – the product names are pi$$-funny to say and even more amusing to use at home (“Dear, please pass the Ekkschnorp.” “Certainly, my sweet – I’ll swap it for the Graatenschnaaargle.”) And it’s a brilliant threat to hold over kids. “Once more, and we’re off to Ikea. ALL DAY.””
While the bogan may indeed be SEEN at Ikea, travelling in groups like a migratory gnu herd, I maintain it very rarely buys there. Insufficiently overpriced, you see. It VISITS Ikea and stuff its maw there, then pops next door to Freedom or Domayne where it pays 5 or 6 times as much for an identical item, which then still requires self-assembly at the bogan’s lair.
This then justifies loud whinging about paying “$4000 and you still have to build the $*@%in’ thing yaself. #*%&in’ Swedish @*%ts”. This plaintive whine carries less water when the item in question cost only $38. From Ikea.
*stuffs*
…and “#*%&in’ THIEVIN’ @*%nts”.
I’m quite impressed your brand of bogan even realises Ikea is Swedish.
I would have imagined that despite the Swedish flags printed subtlety and use of the national colours in the logo the bogan would still have no clue and just refer to them at “them foreign fackin caaaaants”
Quite right. And a typo – should have been “thievin”. Hence belated correction.
Although I did once overhear a harried-looking woman muttering: “Ikea: effin’ Swedish for ‘out of stock'”, which I found tres amusing.
They dont mind if it’s foreign,”cause those SwissBackpackers are hot”
FOB,
Swedish maybe but as the article says The stuff is made in China or some times India and the realy good bits ,rumour has it from Malaysia.
just like how Ron “won” Casey thought Nokia was Japanese :-)
whilst I might take you to task on some of the details, I am slightly disposed to agree Tommo.
I was musing on the bogan predilection for brands, and wondering if Ikea would satisfy. Also, it has been noted earlier that the Bogue is much enamoured of it’s three way tryst with Mr Norman and the General Electric corporation…
I suspect seriously aspirational bogues are cruising the likes of Jimmy Possum (now in adelaide!) something with a little cachét perhaps? For the major puchases at least. That does leave Ikea to fill in the gaps perhaps.
..and I defy anyone to resist a Praaük vege peeler/lemon zester for only $6.99
The bogans won’t touch it. Since this is topical for me, tonight’s buys –
6 wine glasses at $7.49 x 2 – as the caterers will provide the chef and the service staff for tomorrow night’s dinner party but not the crockery and glasses – red wine fine, we’re short on white wine glasses.
2 glass water bottles for the guests who like their water non-fizzy and non-alcholic (I don’t get it, but I’ll provide it…) $3.49
2 chopping boards for work ’cause I’m sick of washing the monster 3′ x 3′ one that’s there – $4.49
6 wooden hangers for my winter coats $6.99.
If that’s bogan, then I’d better find an Ed Hardy store.
Speaking of throwing shit on the footpath, Rubbish Collection Day and the shenanigans it generates (at least around here) would make a worthy entry… although it’s more old-school bogan really
As they say, the only difference between hard rubbish and a garage sale is a front fence.
I put a 25 yr old broken down dishwasher on the naturestrip on for the hard rubbish collection and it took less that 10 minutes for some ‘Steptoe and Son’ to come along in their beat up ute and take it away.
Newtown (Sydney) was fabulous for this.
We left a bunch of old Uni textbooks out the front once, and they disappeared almost instantaneously.
Agree Tombarina.
I know they have a helpful primer but this site is often confusing. I assume it’s not directed at the “honest working classes” (if they exist in the retail economy) but more at what we call the nouveau riche.
Personally I loathe Ikea. But techies love it. Ikea always seemed to be for students and the recently marrieds, really any one looking for something affordable and a bit decent. Harvey Norman seems more bogan cos its hideously opulent.
IKEA seems more kind of “safe, middle class, in the burbs” to me. They are the ones who love DIY too.
And of course, the REAL techies LOVE Ikea Hacker: http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/
Been to Ikea once. ‘Twas a ghastly experience and I’ll not be returning.
The thing about the bogan is that it actually seems to enjoy shopping in large, mostly anonymous places. The bogan loves Westfield shopping centres just as much as (if not more than) Ikea because of the generic, homogenised stores, labyrinthine layouts that encourage impulse visits to previously unseen shops and, most of all, lots and lots of parking. The bogan does not regard anything as worthwhile unless it has to drive there. Then again, in the various bogopoli of our major cities, getting anywhere requires a car trip.
aaah homogeneity.
you may have hit the nail on the head there…
feel my world view shifting.
Chub, Meph has an excellent point re homogeneity.
But the point is: Ikea is non-cachet homogeneity. The bogue likes to talk $, and there’s no bogue-stige in having paid a low-to-fair price for no-name items of semi-reasonable quality.
Also, Ikea doesn’t do 36-months-interest-free. This oversight robs the bogue of the opportunity to overpay, three years down the track, for an outdoor setting which is now weathered and threatening to run a splinter into little Trynnyttii’s over-upholstered and be-hotpanted bottom.
Chubby,
“homogenity”
You said you were over yesterday !
Thank christ there are no Ikeas anywhere near Sibyldottirsfolkendorpville. This hideous-sounding phenomenon has yet to invade my little corner of the globe.
I have 48 free pencil stubbs, and that was from one visit!
If you take (ie:steal) enough of them – you might be able to make a nice coffee table… ?
Would probably be easier to assemble too..
in high school in germany that was the hit.everybody had ikea pencils.i mostly went there just to grab the pencils without even entering the store.
but the furniture is of such a low quality i refuse to pay a cent for it.it already breaks when trying to assemble it. the only good thing about ikea are the gimmicks they have for kitchens and stuff that u dont need except for collecting dust
“buxom preteens”??????
Despite the rarity of finding a 12 year old buxom girl this would fall into child porn. Naughty
Blame Shaaaaayne, the dirty bastard.
I do actually know someone called Shayne, I used to live with him and I can testify he was the most boring man in Australia.
It didn’t help that he had a nasally ocker twang that made me want to commit genocide.
Shaaaaaaaaayne wouldn’t be into preteen or teen porn.
Shaaaaaaaaaayne’s taste are a little more generic. Think Jenna Jameson and the type of silicone fuelled Ralph mag chicks.
I am guilty of visiting an EXTREMEly cavernous branch of Ikea on the outskirts of London. The ‘one way layout’ confounded me. I thought to myself *how stupid do the apparatchiks deciding such things [as the layout] think those who use it are?* – Or, as an afterthought: *how stupid are the apparatchiks?*
Almost 4 years later I still have no answer to either…
http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/how_to/the_nonexpert_ikea.php
GameFAQs style IKEA walkthrugh
brilliant
Probably the one in dear Croydon I imagine. Chav heaven!
It’s a Christmas miracle that you emerged WITHIN four years.
A friend swears blind he was trapped in an Ikea for two whole years. He gets teary talking about it…..
I’ve only been to Ikea once, when I was a student, to purchase a lamp I had seen in the tome that Ikea call a catalogue. Of course, the lamps can only be found at the very end of the expedition and long before I made it that far I went into a claustrophobic style panic. I couldn’t believe how long it took me to locate the exit. After exiting I realised I hadn’t bought the lamp that I had travelled all the way to bogan Logan to purchase. This was a small price to pay for my freedom.
Hohohohohoho
I had a similar experience in IKEA.
I had to purchase a desk for a client and I thought it would be that easy. In and out no worries.
Oh, how wrong I was
So, I’m up in the study area and I see the desk and tell a staff member that I’ll take that one. He then hands me a little book and one of those dinky IKEA pencils and says that I have to mark the codes in the book and then find them in flat pack area, or whatever. My next challenge was to find this damn flat pack area. I swear every path took me to the eatery.
Genuinely frustrated now I cruise the aisles of the flat pack area to find my black Smiilvaaaaärd and the Dorfslürvagen.
As I race to the checkout with sweat pouring and both my mouth and eyes had completely dried out. I see the carpark. I start running out the doors to find that I am being held captive for some reason. I can see my car, but I can’t get to it. I actually rammed a pole with my trolley thinking that it would collapse and I would be free.
But no. Not free.
I asked a sweet little old lady to watch my stuff and went to collect the car. As I back into the tight spot I had found another sweet old lady appears out of nowhere to tell me that I’ve taken her spot.
Out I go again, and finally the jobs right.
I had estimated that I had been in there for 3hours getting this f*cking desk.
I can happily say that I have never been back and I curse it when I drive past.
my partner and i had a similar experience once at the then new Ikea in Abbotsford.,i kept the pencil as a reminder never too go back.However revenge was too be ours when just last Christmas we dared too enter this unenchanted Nordic Wood(wifes idea not mine).I soon realised though i had a lethal weapon in the form of a jumped up 2 and 4 year old,fresh from a visit too Shopping Mall Santa and armed with a bag full of half eaten chocolate they soon made short work off the frenzied staff as they proceeded too “inspect” bedding displays,couches and anything else soft and bouncy.One instance where bogan behaviour was justified.
letting your kids run amok and other bogan behaviour is never jusitified.
lol
“you don’t wan’ meatballs wit yur dœshkë?”
You gotta get in and out quickly-Stockholm Syndrome and all that
People can bitch as much as they want about the linear start-to-finish layout but the truth is that Ikea makes a killing off people who end up buying things they are forced to walk past that they wouldn’t have in a non-linear supermarket style format.
Ikea laughs in the face at people who want a logical shopping experience.
Hey, Peter, (the Ikea pencil thief)
Could you not have used a slight variation on my name? I offer Peter 1 or Peter The Thief as suggestions.
Don’t drop the r, as that’s also taken…
you could change it to have eXXXXtreme spelling like Poiter, or Peater or Peta (coz your heaps into animal rights ‘n shit)
Jo,Thats why I use my real name, not having any reason to be ashamed of it nor expecting to engender rage sufficient to have blogers track me down for revenge(cept maybe common man)
Strangely enough I have the most common, uni-sex name on here and have never had to compete over my ownership of it with anyone else, that is odd, but satisfying.
I highly doubt anyone here could be bothered going to the effort to track someone down, seeing as we are all obviously avoiding whatever jobs we should be doing and are being paid to do.
I used a hobbit name generator.
There’s an idea. Perhaps Pete should SMS one of those “Baby Name” services?
Don’t joke about the hobbit name generator CBF, that’s very serious business that hobbit name generating business
“Animal rights” meaning the right to own a rottweiler-pit bull cross, or something similar, of course!
It’s no worse than having to brave Bunnings on a long weekend.
Bummings… yes, now that IS bad.
Bummings, sounds like it should have been on yesterday!
They have it even more fucked. cause they have a sparse sprinkling of “experts” who give out bad advice or if your lucky bad,dangerous advice. that way the bagan gets home and with loads of powertools instead of just an allen key causes self harm sufficient to ensue an eight hour waite in casualty.
Yes, I was wondering how long it would be before someone twigged to my creative spelling.
I thought IKEA was for yuppies
do you call them yuppies here?
it’s not a bad store
yuppies=hipster,s=most here
Hey! I resent that. I’m a wanker*, not a hipster!
* In the figurative, not literal sense.
Come now Benjamin…I’m sure you are in the literal sense as well – as are all guys :P
and girls. We just don’t apply that term.
i can has pitchers?
Amazingly I’m not. Well, not for the last decade at least.
I’m married; there is now simply no need.
I find this hard to believe.
I guess if anyone’s watching porn in their house, they’re watching it together??
Or rather, if Benjamin is watching porn, he is watching it with his spouse. Who can say what the spouse gets up to?
Au contraire!
I find it hard to believe that there are those who would rather fly solo than enjoy their significant other, when they have the choice.
Of course.It’s just that most (sorry, all) men I know like to have their cake and eat it too.
I think you’ll be re-introducing yourself to yourself in the not-to-distant future if your marriage plays out the way most marriages do…actually its surprising your still married after a decade
Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner you’d better have a good hand…
I’d like to think that we’re going to do a bit better than that.
Having said that I’ve also been of the opinion that divorces are rampant and on the rise, and that a lot of people who were getting married ought not have been. So I’ve done some very quick research, and popped up this (2007):
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/[email protected]/mf/3307.0.55.001
Looks like the divorce rate is *falling* (!?!?!). Most marriages don’t end in divorce either it seems. Surprised me…
Anyhow the wife and I are not doing too badly. We’ve been together long enough to have been through a number of hard times, and we’re still kicking. So I have a lot of hope for the future of our marriage.
I hope others are so fortunate.
my wife and i have lots of hallway sex.
Back hall or front hall?
Is this with your massive tool Brad?
:D
the one that leads too the bush by the porch(surely you know of the hallway sex joke Simon?)
Or are you referring to the old adage ‘like a throwing a sausage up a hallway’?
no just the pipsqueak one- save the massive one for special jobs!
No Brad, I just thought you were boasting.
It looks like glassings are out and anal is in. Nice.
No Shirley M, the joke is….”A couple have sex in their house in different parts of the house as their relationship develops over time.
Before Marriage-every room in the house.
After Marriage-in the bedroom.
A few years after Marriage-in the hallway
“fuck-off”
“fuck-off”
as said couple pass each other in the hallway”
We have to keep up with the times Brad.
sorry simon didnt realise its that time of month for you ,you have been bitchy the last few days
Sorry dude, sometimes I have a strange sense of humor, all good and ready to glass c*nts when you are.
shall we then ha ha
Who do you suggest today?
scroll downward
Ok, I will buy a slab and meet you out the front.
You must be the one in four mate… A mate once told me that he looked up some stats and they indicaated that 3 of every 4 marriages will end in divorce in the western world. Globally, the stats are skewed by nations whho have much more traditional values regarding divorce. The analogy I responded with was pretty simple. If 3 of every 4 parachutes failed to open, would people still go skydiving?
woodstock stubbies i hope-theres gonna be alot of glass flyin and a lot of c#@nts lyin
Hear hear Benjamin.
I am a fortunate one.
My husband and I are very happy and I have a lot of hope for our future also.
if things go to hell, try hitting her.
Congrats Edna!
whatever you maybe..the bait was most..you answer..explains all
The bait was moist?
Quick – get the cryptologist!
ط ل٭ ٷ ڜ ڬ ڴ ڼ ۀ ۼ
ﺊ ﺲ ﻫ
I thought that was obvious…
even changing “most” to “moist doesn’t force that to make sense
The apostrophe can be located two keys to the right of ‘L’ on your keyboard.
Don’t thank me, I’m here to help.
I was going to say something to that effect last night, Shirley, but I doubt it would’ve done much good. He’d also have to learn the function and appropriate use of the apostrophe.
Baby steps, Sten.
I think it adds to his mystique hahahahahaha
I suspect perhaps that the people who don’t use apostrophes etc haven’t found the Shift key…
well, not for an apostrophe – bad example! haha ””’
nope… i know lots of hipsters, but not yuppies
yuppies are more preppie styles
freedom is for yuppies.
Nice one TBL.
This entry really did make me laugh when I read it.
For some strange reason I really want a Björk wall unit now.
At least the designs are a lot better than what Hardly Normal sells with 360 months interest free
Edna,
watch out common man might stalk you and Bjork you
I recall a gaff by Ikea marketing a few yrs ago where they had a picture of a furnished bedroom and some people and a dog simulating a natural home environment. Obviously the photgraphy crew thought it would be amusing if they placed a rather dildo next to the genetalia of this Jack Russell Terrier. The best bit is that over 300 Million of these catalogues were printed and distributed worldwide before Ikea realised what happened.
Hadn’t heard of this, but, good lord!
http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2006/08/new_ikea_catalo.html
what kind of photography company would do that?? I love it when people don’t take their jobs seriously and couldn’t care less if they never work in >insert industry here< again
As you’ll see from the link in Benjamins above post – It was actually the inside front cover of the catalogue, was distributed globally and the strongly deny that the image was photoshopped stating that it is in fact a dogs leg.. Damage control no doubt but someone got up to some kind of mischief here with outrageous results.
It’s definitely just the leg.
The highlights in the image have been blown out a bit, but you can just make out the shape if you zoom in. The knob is the knee.
looks like a dog’s leg to me. Weirdos.
Looks like a penis to me. A brilliant piece of accidental porn. Like this:
From here it looks like a dog’s leg. Far more offputting, to me at least, is that the picture includes bare human feet. Totally disgusting and an instant guarantee that they’d never get my dollar.
Haha, Sibyl, feet aren’t that bad, surely?
Feet are foul, Alyssa. All feet. Their appearance in advertising media are, as I said, a guarantee that I won’t spend a cent with that advertiser, let alone a dollar. It staggers me that people would use what is arguably a body’s ugliest feature as a supposed attractant. I see print media adverts showing feet with the toes screwed on in the wrong order, toes pointing to all points of the compass, hammer toes, the totally puke-inducing French pedicure….
oh god I’m feeling sick.
I guess I can understand that. I’m not much of a foot person. Their practicality is enough for me to appreciate them, without looking at anyone’s to closely :)
The guy in the ad would have looked very uncomfortable (not to mention rude) if he’d had his shoes on…
too*
Pssst – I don’t think that’a s guy, I think it’s Fiona of Toorak.
I have the most freakish feet I’ve ever seen…I wish I could taunt you with them Sibyl
Stop!
Hammer Toes!
doodoo de doot
de doot
de doot.
aww c’mon?
can’t touch this?
anyone?
Hammer Toes?
sheesh.
Cack!
That is hilarious!
You guys need to get down to Melbourne and have a look at Costco.
It’s like an X-Treme Ikea, chock full of stuff to make fat bogans fatter. And Huge TVs and naff Jewellery too.
TBL
I loved the article but the last line “taking a rumpus romp in her rumpa”, could maybe be improved :
“taking a rumpus romp in her rompa room rumpa” ??
Oh Rompa (or is it Romper?) Room. That brings back memories.
Well one memory. I remember being freaked out by the lady that could see me through the television. It no longer gives me nightmares at least.
Who said 1984 was a work of ficton? It would’ve been around the right time, too.
Sten,
Brave New World, deserves a mention too ?
Sure, why not? Art immitates life, to an extent. The vast majority of the population exist for little other reason but to work, so that they can consume, consume, consume. The only difference is that Australian governments are very much in favour of fem-Bogues squirting out as many boaglets as their already hyper-distended uteruses can handle.
Sten,
Forgot Animal Farm.
dont forget-The Smurfs
I LUUUUURVE Ikea to the Maxxxtreme.
When I was a poor struggling student (now Im just poor) my housemates and I would wander round, laughing at the arguing Bogan families (Think “Joshie, Madison, Mummy said no” and then hearing the sound of smashed glass) and having competitions as to who could find the most useless accessory, or the item with the funniest name.
Most of the time I left with a random kitchen item, a packet of 100 tealights and change from a $10 note.
Bargain!
I’ve never been to Ikea. I feel uncultured. But then again I always feel empty and angry whenever I go shopping, I usually arrive in a positive mood and all it takes is about 20 minutes and I’m pissed and want to get the fuck out of there. It must be the haughty attitude from the bogans and the status anxious pseudo yuppy investment property owning soccer mum 4WD’ing bogans and their country road husbands trying to outdo each other. Throw in a few gen y wiggers, ‘metros’, and emos, a few self entitled pensioners who then go back to their million dollar homes and a constant saturation of mindless consumerism of made in china garbage with in built obsolescence lasting about a year or two and I’m murderous.
Relax, you are amongst friends.
*golf clap*
…spliff?
Chubby
golf clap
sounds like a nasty medical complaint
, does penicillen fix it?
…ask Tiger?
..captalism at its finest at least the baby boomers had liquidy unlike todays nab,s
Hey, that one almost makes sense, whats up CM, you feeling ok?
LOL. He’s adopting the old maxim, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”.
old adage to be pandetic
pedantic?
I’m trying. I really am.
I think he meant pandemic.
Yes you’re a plague common man, but until we have confirmed cases in three different countries, you can’t use that title.
Benji,
I will willingly cut him into three pieces and post some bits away to have him declared a pandemic.
Problem is the u n world health mob would take over and in no time 30 % of the people in the whole world would be infected.!
The english language has enough in the way of challenges from the septics where microsoft leads the charge to turn us into users of microlish.
However, if the WHO takes over and there is enough panic, there will soon be a vaccine!
Fantastic.
no. definitely Pandetic.
It means to be obtuse in extremis with intent towards juxtapositing oneself in an esoteric “polemic dramatis”
I think it’s originally a scandanavian term.
“Pǻñďētïĉ”
On topic!
Noticing your efforts Shirley M. You are a very brave one indeed.. I think the “moist baiting”needs to go up a level here though. We are dealing with a “Master Baiter” with cm after all. Once again, you’re a brave girl Shirl..
Oh Mezz, you are a cunning linguist.
Obligatory joke regarding cunning linguists:
Isn’t it a bit wierd that you can be a cunning linguist using only your hands, but to be a master debater you need to use your mouth?
Very :O
haha
…weeellll
actually…
nah,
couldn’t be bothered.
nah fuck it.
perhaps a masterbaker
only uses his hands?
a cunninglinguist by definition uses his tongue. even by snide innuendo.
either way I just can’t make a joke out of it.
but we got to say ‘cunning linguist’
*snort*
it always reminds me of
cunnilingus.
which is,
y’know…
doing it with your mouth,
on a lady.
y’know,
“down there”
;)
I haven’t been in an IKEA store for years; last time I went it was the old Moorabbin (Melb) store, which I think is now gone (replaced by the Richmond store?). At Moorabbin, they use to have a kids play area, with a big rope cage full of plastic balls. All the bogans would drop their feral “ADHD” kids off at the play area before doing their lap of the store and then collecting the kids on the way out. Do they still have the ball cages?
The feral bogue children running amok amongst the plastic balls and beating the hell out of each other at 120db in their cage was always frightening. It always ended in tears when boganmum would yell at her off-spring when leaving, “C’mon Darren, we’re goin’ now. Get outta there and get in the bloody car!” Screaming match ensued…
*shudder*
I went to Ikea on a mid-week day last year, and was amazed at the number of elderly people there. It was later explained to me that these were pensioners who go to Ikea a couple of times a week for the very cheap, filling food. It’s all they can afford.
The staff know this, and treat them with dignity.
It made me a very sad panda.
profits plus humane behaviour surely a goverment policy doomed to failure
Hello all!
Simply wonderful to find another site intent on discovering the true nature of your Bogan, Bogue, Bogette, and assorted other minor categories.
Point of order, out here in Boganvilla, (our widelife preserve for the study of bogans in their natural habitat), there has never been an Ikea, a Freedom, or the like. Therefore I submit that the Ikea style store is more likely to be favoured by Bogues (assuming the term is in use at this site), i.e Bogans with an income not derived from various Government departments.
Our bogan population is however attracted to Harvey Norman, as long as it’s a large store with plenty of “$hit” to sell, or the monolithic shopping cathedral that is Westfield Mall. The Mall has the added advantage of food featuring numerous chemicals and food dyes in the ingrediants list, and of course a place to desposit the little ones while Mom and Dad check out the $2 shop for items on sale.
It’s simply a delight to watch a herd of bogans peering wide eyed into the JB HiFi shop’s display of xtreme sized television sets, all able to be purchased on easy installment plan. Warning: do not startle the herd while it’s grazing at JB they react violently!
XtremeBoganHunter, do you spell “Mom” like that because of your north American heritage, or because you are an Australian who has been AmericaniZed?
Nice one AlyssaKT… the Americanisation of Australian English is very close to the top of my list of pet peeves.
Thanks, Sten.
You have to spell it AmericaniZation though! (please)
Don’t make me get all high and mighty over ‘ize’ and ‘ise’ again….
Shirley you can’t be serious (haha)
Of course I am only using the Z because it’s AmericaniZe! :)
@AlyssaKT haha re Shirley you can’t be serious hehehe Funny!
Perhaps ExtremeBoganHunter’s use of “Mom” was ironic.
Pedant-iZm is a little *yawn*
I realise that. I was referring to the fact that it is not absolutely correct that ‘ize’ is an americanisation.
It’s not correct to pretend to glass cunts either but we think it’s funny ;)
I was just doing it for that word, due to the subject matter… :)
Never mind.
da da da da da da, hey!
don’t call me shirley.
Well color me red there AlyssaKT … over exposure to North American sites comes to mind as the only defense. 1, 2, 3 ….
Good point NS Mum <- got it right, clouds of tobacco smoke help you track the bogan to their shopping grounds … either that or the trail of rubbish they leave behind them.
You are correct Xtreeeeme Bogan Hunter, it is the same on the North Shore… no Ikea, but plenty of bogans in the Westfields, scarfin down crappy food, swearing at any chunt that dares looks at thier current root, and generally hanging around all day, smoking just out side the doors of the mall.
It has gotten so that normal people have to fight their way through a cloud of blue air and plumes of stinky cig smoke and run the gauntlet of Southern Cross Tats and micro minied muffin tops just to make it into DJ’s or Myer for that essential bit or bob!!!
JB is an interesting phenomenon. The bogan being tired of seeing bland and humiliated retail workers in uniforms not unlike something out of a gulag has opted to buy their made in china garbage off a bunch of young libtard hipsters sporting nose rings, tattoos, coloured hair and the like.
I for one see this as progress. The bogan and the libtard becomes closer and will hopefully come to the conclusion that they both suck and work together for a better world. Kind of how the Liberals and the Greens have both come to the conclusion that a “Big Australia” is a bad thing. Off course the Liberals are merely providing lip service and will continue to import hordes of people in order to keep the bosses of big business happy and in lavish unearned wealth.
I actually overheard the owner of a JB HiFi store, who at the time, was standing outside of his store talking to a chap who was obviously a Representative of one of the brands they sell, say ….
“Well it’s the school holidays next week, so the place will be full of Ferals (bogans) all chuckin money at us”
True story.
Funny that. Their employees are just typical bogans, much like most libtards, who may have had a fleeting relation with the tenants of liberal practice and ideology such as a shallow consideration of the Che Guevara icon, or a loyal viewing of The Chaser.
Or they go into battle with each other and remove themselves from the gene pool.
wow.
it’s like you read the whole blog man!
You know, I hate IKEA as much as the next man, but it’s hardly fair to say this chain preys solely upon the Bogan market…
Frūt
plåkt
Spůpersdörd
Gröegä
Smukta
tåkelpürp
Ǚnf
Ørpp
bored.
chubby,
see what happens when you read common man?
your brain may end up like his, scrambled and underdone
I’m thinking of putting togather an elite squad of xtreme paintballers and going and hitting Ikea. we could time eachother through the store like a practical shoot. Just taking out bogans. no nannas or kiddies.
mad fun.
weapons free!
Chubby,
great idea but how bout loading the guns with swedish meatballs ?
paintball= bogan
pffft
Not if you’re hunting bogans.
Bogan paintballers hunt bogans.
Then I’m coming for you Benjamin.
Aiiiieee.
Sorry.
The door was wide open.
:P
you dont wanna be in her cross-hairs brother,she’s ice cold and red hot! (big smile)
was pretty much forced to play paintball for a work function thing, even though they knew i was in the Army and served in Timor, Iraq and Afghanistan. Long story short, no one at work likes me anymore.
Hohohohoho
Very funny Sten!
uh oh.
you brought your own weapons right?
I always do that!
I have discovered Ama!
I now abhor violence.
Hugs for everybody.
:)
Count me in too.
Kiddies with mispelt names will be put down for their own good I would hope. I’m in.
what about the one,s who use coal/electric derived public transport then whine about euro3 emission cars?
http://uob-community.ballarat.edu.au/~iwright/apostrophes/
thanks alyssa but..substituted (i was born on a cross).. my grammar disgust to most matches jh lust or fi,s LOL. time to move on now
aha!
Yep, them too CM.
count me in 200 ft per second -lethalish
Anyone seen this show…
http://www.ikeaheights.com/
Definately i would then say Gainsville is where the CUB male gets furniture. You only have to see the woman in the skimpy outfit to see the focus of it’s market…lol
Tsk Tsk TBL – How very Bogan… confusing ‘inexpensive’ with bogan.
Ikea furniture is fine if one needs a tres cheap and chic doo-dackie to store your bits in, wonderful for the uni student or those starting out – the flat pack notion whilst rather tedious, is quite efficient and green.
I agree the stores are overrun with Bogues and their screaming brats.. but let us not blame the poor Swedes for that, they can’t help it if your average bogue sees spending a day in a shopping mall (of any kind regardless of brand or affiliation) as a grand day out!
If you wanted to name a true bogan furniture store.. it HAS to be Fantastic Furniture.. absolutely zero redeeming features.. and Bogan to the maXXXXXXXxxxx
Fantastic costs half as much as IKEA i.e. it is the ‘inexpensive’ one. You even said yourself that IKEA is full of bogues and their offspring, then suggest that we’re wrong to suggest that bogans love IKEA? TBL
Wrong entry… storing your bits in somoene’s doo-dackie was yesterday.
*applause*
LOLThat actually made me snortle.
Oh my!!! I just discovered yesterday’s erm… Entry…. wowsers! I hasten to add that no-one is storing their bits in my doo dackie!!!
So ….. you have spare storage then?
Sorry Simon, no spare storage here…
My storage unit is as neat and tidily occupied as a glossy Ikea catelogue! ;)
Very good!
There aren’t any dogs in the catalogue are there?
NEAT =brazilian
Brazilian = Bogan = Not on my travelogue for this lifetime ;)
Im sure your travelogue is a lot more exotic than plain old Brazil
CM, I did not know you were a perv, you dirty boy.
Simon!
I noticed that as well. Strangely some woman from Toorak was very excited about the concept.
OOo commented on my first outing.. how exciting!!!
But back on topic, I conceed you do have a point with Ikea, I do however think there are more worthy recipients of the TBL Ire re furniture stores!
Those VILE Domayne Store would be even more worthy than poor old Fantastic in retrospect.
NSM, why pick on Domayne and the miasma of pestilent evil it spreads over whole CUB communities, when you could vent your spleen – and any other bodily organ you can spare – on the boguest of bogue. Nick Scali, come on down.
As it were.
OH MY GOSH… how could I forget the HOIGHT of Sophistication that is Nick Scali!!!! Bogue Heaven… acres of white leather and shiny chrome bits!!!!
You are confusing Bogan with Wogan.
what is a wogan?
a fully sick mate bogan
I suspected as much.
That’s not very PC is it?
Are there other sub-sets of bogan?
New age bogans, cashed up bogans, bogues, bogasians, boguettes, femebogues, old school bogans… the only limit is your imagination…
I think I may limit my imagination and just call them bogans.
Taxonomy seems pointless and has a distinct tang of bogue. Especially the “wogan” sub set. Of the examples you gave, it is the only one which implies a slur.
I might have thought it incongruous in this “salon of civic discourse”, but after yesterday’s eruption of the puerile and prurient I shall accept that there are a few turds in these otherwise soothing waters.
yep is was that milf seeping through soz
I wince at doing so, but I must defend Fantastic. I buy bookcases more often than is strictly rational – I won’t throw books out and I won’t stop buying them. The most recent additions have come from Fantastic. They’re sturdy, pre-assembled – and therefore true (in the cabinetmaking sense), which my Ikea bookcases aren’t. (For God’s sake, my consort and I have five degrees in philosophy between us. Do you think for a moment we’re equipped to follow Ikea’s instructions?)
While Fantastic’s offerings look like crap when they arrive, a couple of coats of Black Japan lacquer does wonders for disguising their aesthetic faults.
It’s lucky you’re a hoarder – please don’t ever “throw books out”.
Either donate them or sell them to the second hand bookstores…
Ikea is HUGE here in Hong Kong. Seven megastores, that go over 8 floors of a building. To exit you must go all the way to the 8th floor and then catch an elevator down to ground floor again. Then you walk through the ‘restaurant’ which doesn’t do Swedish meatballs. Oh no. Here you’ll have Swedish Chinese food which is crap to the EXXXtreme! Rice swimming in soya/salmon/dodgy shit sauce. Trying to buy a lamp and wanting to walk out the entrance to the store resulted in 4 staff members freaking out that the ‘foreigner’ didn’t know Ikea etiquette – one way traffic. AHHHH the memories!!!!! :)
dol-machy-toe..translated??
Nobody must get out of there alive!
no it was a curse that russel crowe once used in romp stomp.. sayonara
hong kong Ikea sounds like a special circle of hell.
I have been to Ikea a few times. After the first time I worked out a system to use:
Enter the exit (not related to yesterdays post…). Straight away you can get a $1 hot dog. Check a list at the checkout for the number/Strange name of what you are after. Check the flat-pack area and see that its out of stock. Steal pencils. Eat one more $1 hot dog. GTFO. Spend afternoon relaxing instead of building a Klergberg with an allen key. Sweet.
Benji,
Your comment about the text books disapearing so fast at Newtown.
One thing for sure
common man did not take them
or at least if he did he did not benifit
LOL.my NO: ich or knee fan
there were plenty of pictures though!
They make amusing commercials though? :)
classic.
Oh, James Hunter you booze hound. Ease-up on the Old Crow, pops.
you will know when im “past it” …ifn its “old crone”
I have been waiting for this post! Thank you.
It’s lingonberry, retards.
It’s f*ckwit, david.
LOL.LOL.
Ok, today the seventh circle of hell revists us. Hey Hey is back on Nein, will this be todays entry? I hope so coz then we can all spew forth deserved vitriol.
my god.
what is this abomination?
surely a sign of the last days…
My only hope is that it will perform abysmally and be cut before the third taping.
Perhaps Daryl Somers will then have the decency to take his career out behind the woodshed and shoot it. I strongly suspect he stuck his entire career up his nose and is desperate for a bit of super. The indignation of the man when the ‘original’ was cut was hilarious. Completely without hubris he seriously thinks he is australia’s premier television entertainer.
pffft!
Chub, did you see the promo where they spliced together 2 1/2 men and Hey Hey, scary sh*t man. Daryl’s one joke ceased to be funny 30 years ago when it was a kids show, how does he get away with it?
blessedly I have avoided all exposure to it apart from it bannering the sideline of a footy game I watched. I believe it was St George bending the broncos over…
anyway.
I presume Blackman will be in tow?
it’s like vaudeville/carny.
I imagined people o/s seeing clips of the show when the ‘incident’ occurred and suffered a severe cringe cramp. y’know when you cringe so hard you put yer back out?
It damaged our international reputation waaay more than joining the coalition of the willing.
We’re running a book on how long this carbuncled turd masquerading as entertainment will last.
Even taking into account the unfathomable appetite for all things stupid, unfunny and lobotomised (allegedly funny home videos, anyone?), I’m confident that it won’t make a second season.
And I’m praying that the first season doesn’t extend beyond tonight.
Chub’s right – these are the end times…..
“carbunkled turd”
*snort*
…and it gets another outing on today’s page.
Yet, repetition a million times over would not come close to capturing the degree of loathing I harbour for this unmitigated shite.
I’ve produced more entertaining things out of my own nose.
Seriously though…
TBL has to demystify this.
it’s beyond me.
“look kiddies, this is what we thought was funny when we were your age.”
surely this will trigger The Revolution?
Surely it’ll be tomorrow’s?
Simon we can treat them like the pupli kid, because nobody likes the pupli kid
cbf there is no doubt the performance will be abysmal. The question is will the nein (haha) execs realise this in time to save us from this flaming turd.
I think somers has fought long and hard for this.
they had “pilot”, he was begging and pleading the audience to that…
I think he mayhave “compromising evidence (photos or DNA perhaps) from a nein exec.
two weeks max.
or I’m moving to New Zealand.
No they won’t. It will take the bogan at least 2 seasons before it realises why it stopped loving the show last time. The apocalypse is on us. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
What a dreadful, god forsaken place. The only venue in Australia you see all races, religions, homosexuals and hetrosexuals, bogan and non bogans under one roof. All grabbing like flies on a shit to anything they can find.
Of course not even extending their brain to think of the fact that all this cheap timber is carved in a Chinese sweat shop.
My tip to my fellow hipsters: Get your shit from 2nd hand shops or independant carpenters because it’s better quality and more valueble.
Honestly if I wanted cheap sh*t from Ikea I my as well go to the Great Wall of China
but hipsters love ikea :/
It must be awful not being able to enjoy life and just go/shop/do as you wish for fear of judgment. I can’t imagine a life worrying what a bunch of people I don’t know think about where I shop! how sad!