#65 – Frangipani Stickers

15 01 2010

The motor vehicle has come to be very important to the bogan female. In the same way that getting a tattoo of a dolphin allows her to remain more feminine and nurturing than the bogan male, she also rarely purchases a V8 vehicle, lest the bogan male become threatened and confused. A four cylinder car is typically purchased, generally from an Asian manufacturer. The female bogan does not like Asians, so she sets about Australianising her car with American Playboy merchandise (sexy), a clumsily abbreviated personalised numberplate (witty), and a Roxy sticker by US-based Quiksilver (athletic).

The vehicle is almost ready for bogan female use, but the female still yearned for an automotive decoration that would communicate to bogan males that she was an appropriate mother for his children. Somewhere along the line, a marketing executive decided that it should be the Frangipani, a Latin American flower that was interestingly remade to denote “ignorant racist Australian” in stylised sticker form. Pleased that their cultural sensibilities were finally being catered to, the female bogans purchased these stickers in staggering amounts.

Soon the craze expanded beyond car stickers, with Frangipanis appearing on anything that the marketing executives thought it could con the bogan female to buy. Skimpy t-shirts, car seat covers, fridge magnets, and random other disposable tripe. With simplified drawings of tropical flowers surrounding her at all times, the bogan female feels that she is fulfilling her true life’s purpose: to be a princess (despite lacking any regal attributes other than greed and territorialism).

On a recent trip through bogan territory, a TBL author did some investigatory journalism into the Frangipani cult. Three bogan females were asked what their floral automotive stickers stood for. The responses were brief. “Australia”, “Peace and love”, and “Haha, dunno mate”. Aside from a visible shudder at being called “mate” by a nasal female stranger, the author stood his ground admirably amidst the torrent of cluelessness. The “peace and love” response was arguably the most interesting, considering that any car with Frangipani stickers is approximately 245% more likely to change lanes without indicating, emit smouldering cigarette butts whilst in motion, and contain a foul mouthed bigoted bogan female who is twisting one arm into the back seat to thump Jaiydynn and/or Sharnelle. Peace and love.


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361 responses

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

15 01 2010
Linda

double LOL.

I cringe when I see those stickers.

I saw one on the back of a beat-up scratched 1996 white holden station wagon.

It was an eyesore.

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The frangipani or the white Holden station wagon?

15 01 2010
Linda

both actually hahahha

15 01 2010
Tone

Do bogan chicks still put those on their cars?

I swear that one of these days, I’ll sneak up to the back of a poor unfortunate Lancer with a Roxy sticker on it and change the ‘R’ to a ‘P’.

15 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

Dear Sir,

You seem a trifle het up, your use of the Anglo-saxon expletive for excreta is most unlike you.

It detracts from the outstanding quality of the article just a wee tad.

I remain your humble servant,
Simon of South Yarra

In a rush of blood to the head, we did use a naughty word. We apologise, and assure you that it shan’t happen again. We will amend the offending word in question right now. Kind regards, TBL

15 01 2010
Bec

I’ve noticed an increase by the bogue to ruthlessly seek an exaggerated form of… I dunno, hyper masculinity and hyper femininity? Non-bogans don’t tend to give a shit and will buy/act/wear/do whatever they like, regardless of how manly or girly it is. Woe betide a male bogan be asked to hold a handbag, or a fembogue miss her manicure appointment.

My theory might go some way in explaining the explosion of eye-rapingly nauseating pink on absolutely ANYTHING marketed to women these days. FFS, I just want a cheap razor that won’t cut my legs to ribbons: I don’t need to be told that the fucking thing will unlock my feminine mystique and create an enslaved army of enamoured European aesthetes!

15 01 2010
Emma

gold! love it. hyper masculinity and hyper femininity. tis so very true.

but also remember that the male bogue is currently trying to appear ‘metro-bogue’. enter the flashy pink shirts and gleaming white shoes.

but beware… under all that flash are the same bigoted values…

15 01 2010
Paddington

I know what you mean about the seizure-inducing pink. I wanted to buy a particular phone, not because of the OMG factor, but because of the phone plan. It didn’t come in any other colour than that fairy-vomit pink. But then, it also came with a free bottle of “oh dee toilet” from some skanky singer (Britney, I think). Needless to say, I couldn’t buy it, because I’m a grumpy old fart (and it would make me smell like an old pedo). The point, however, is there was no alternative product, not even a man-skank equivalent with complimentary can of Lynx.
Good old, eyewatering Lynx. That’s a blog post all on its own.

9 10 2013
Ashley

Well said Bec I love the fucking words you used and may be you have a bad bitch sticker on your car. I do and I’m not a fucking bogan

15 01 2010
Misc

Thank you oh thank you for this one, it is truly a gem!

I always hated seeing these stickers on cars – and not only for the association with the car that seemed to be intent on running me off the road. I could never understand why people thought that flower stickers were appropriate decoration for a car (that wasn’t a combi van). It just never made sense. I always thought they were “Soccer Mums”. But upon reading this, it couldn’t be clearer.

It’s just a little more of the bogan’s universally accepted and approved sign of individuality.

That said, Bogan and Soccer Mum are in no way mutually exclusive!

15 01 2010
Bec

Well, when you have no marketable skills, personality, or merit of your own (unless you think slagging off working mothers or anyone else lacking the privilege to make the choices you did a personal merit) subsuming your identity into that of your marginally talented progeny makes perfectly cromulent sense. Ref: Lynn Spears and Dmir Dokic.

15 01 2010
Lis

Ha ha – cromulent.

15 01 2010
Misc

So long as it embiggens their souls

15 01 2010
Bec

*dies*

15 01 2010
Jodie

Unpossible for it not to, really.

16 01 2010
bryan

amazing.

15 01 2010
Kimba

Gold! I was waiting for this one! Even worse is the frangipani arranged to form the southern cross (Oztika). I’ve also noticed that the pink number plate has become another boganshee accessory. All the RTA have to do now is design a frangipani embossed pink number plate and it will be bogan heaven.

15 01 2010
toony

Wait no longer (click ‘regional’)

http://www.ppq.com.au/CreateAPlate.aspx

15 01 2010
Kimba

*shudder*

15 01 2010
Indi

Oh the boganity!

15 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

It kurtz me to say it but love the phrase “Oh, the boganity”

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh the boganity, won’t somebody think of the chooldren?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Quick, off to the torlet to wash out the chooldrens mouths!

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. They have to wipe sumfink orf the chooldren’s moufs.

15 01 2010
Paddington

OK, I’m going to pose a question but I’m going to first make sure everyone knows I’m not “casting nasturtiums” on people from SA and Vic in general … What’s with some of the enunication of broadcasters originating from these areas? Why do they pronounce “school” as “skoow”, “pool” as “poow” and “her” as “er”? It gets stuck right in my craw … Main offenders: Bruce McAveney and Johanna Griggs.

15 01 2010
Carlos the Jackal

I don’t know about Johanna Griggs, but Bruce McAvaney was originally from Ferryden Park – a part of Adelaide once full of Housing Trust bogans, but has since seen the public housing replaced with McMansions.

15 01 2010
Carlos the Jackal

The frangipani sticker – it’s like a tramp-stamp for you car…

19 01 2010
Lexi

Oh, Paddington, I’ve noticed similar things myself. The main offending sound is meant to be “E”, but it sounds like “A”. Examples: MALbourne (“Melbourne”), Al A (L.A.). Should we blame those phonetically challenged cousins from over the ditch for this (who, incidentally also seem to have rubbed off on Queenslanders, “ay”)?

20 01 2010
Paddington

Agreed; changing the “e” to an “a” is really distracting and annoying. Channel 9’s voice-over chap is a one for this. He also often adds a little twang of a faux accent to mix it up a bit. It’s sometimes American and sometimes slightly British, especially if the station is playing a Harry Potter movie for the 70th time. It gives him the chance to say “Harry Potter” while rolling his “r”. I adore it when Channel 9 makes a clumsy attempt at bein’ all fancy.

16 10 2014
Miona of Yourak

Oh whatever, all the Eastern states with their “He threw me dooner in the poowell and it wasn’t coowell” accents.

“Do you wanna dehnce? Take a chehnce on me!”

Dance, the ‘a’ is an ‘a’ people. Learn to speak 😉

16 01 2010
TJ

WOW, the simpsons is a bogan show yet you watch it i think someone is a closet bogan just come out and join us you will see life is so much better then that same old mono shade of grey you get as beeing a non bogan, nobody….o well we didnt want you to be one of us anyway better hop on back into the super cool closet of yours

16 01 2010
Lee

TJ, fuck off if you dont like it princess.

16 01 2010
bryan

yeah the simpsons is a bogan show, sorta like “born in the USA” is an ode to the american redneck..

15 01 2010
Tristan

The horror, the horror…

15 01 2010
Bec

Mistah Kurtz? He unimpressed!

15 01 2010
brad

it was like Heaven had met Earth in the form of frangipani stickers

15 01 2010
Indi

Though it should really be used on seeing a Jetstar plane plough into the ground.

15 01 2010
Beck

Ozstika – I’m definitely nicking that to use!

15 01 2010
Tone

The reason I asked if bogan chicks still put them on their cars is because it seems as though the franni is giving way to an even worse new sticker trend: the Family Stickers.

For the uninitiated, these are crappy little stick figures representing the members of the family that usually ride around in the car upon which said stickers are applied. Usually there’s a mum, and a couple of kids to represent Jaydynn and Maddysynn. And they are fucking obnoxious.

15 01 2010
Jodie

Ah, duder, I fucking HATE those. Justify your existence, bogan!

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

The bogan exists to breed more bogans. Sad, but unfortunately true.

16 01 2010
TJ

Lol Jodie you dont even know what brand they are or what that brand is apart of so much for your non bogan education! BTW its a unit sticker which is a dirtbike brand another thing you wanks dont like

16 01 2010
Sam

you do though right? brrrrm, brrrrrm!

Any other fascinating insights into the bogan workd for us TJ? What is the most popular brand of t-shirt at the moment?

16 01 2010
Lee

Is your lowered hilux on air bags covered in unit, fox, skin, jet pilot, metal mulisha stickers TJ? And if so are you one of these wankers who sports these stickers and is actually scared of dirt bikes?

1 04 2011
Stephanie

Last weekend I was driving (under sufferance) through the Sutherland Shire and I saw a pimped up Hilux. Anyhow the vanity plates read- 5HIRE (Shire).
I vomited in my mouth a bit…

16 01 2010
Jodie

I’ll do my best to make sense of your inarticulate post…

Why is knowledge of brands a point of pride? I’m not claiming that everything I’m into is highbrow (far from it) but brand knowledge seems so…trivial.

16 01 2010
Jodie

That was to TJ.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Bogan pride. Knowing brands is essential to bogan pride. They can only define themselves through external things, such as possessions and the flaunting of brands.

15 01 2010
Pete

I seem to recall someone posted on an earlier topic that the frangipani car stickers announce that “the female bogan is on heat”.

Too funny.

15 01 2010
Crispin Huntington

A mate of mine one once dated a girl that had a homemade ‘sick bitch’ sticker emblazoned in large letters across the back window of her two door hatchback. She really thought this sticker made her cool and dangerous. She eventually removed it after the constant ridicule I inflicted upon her. You don’t usually hassle your mates girlfriend, but in these circumstances you’re well within your rights. My mate was actually relieved once it was removed as it caused him eternal embarrassment. They didn’t last much longer after this; see you can remove the Bogan sticker from the car but not the Bogan from the Bogan.

I also saw a car the other day that has one of those ‘baby on board’ signs, but read ‘babe on board’! I almost crashed my car laughing and straining to have a look at the tool and you guessed it, pink car seat covers and massive sunglasses – what a catch!!

15 01 2010
Indi

You can take the girl out of Carrum Downs, but not Carrum Downs out of the girl.

17 01 2010
brad

a lot worse place than Carrum Indiana,if you were going too make your insult effective you could have referenced suburbs such as Werribee,Crannie,Baysie or Toorak lol

15 01 2010
Simon

The ones with – Babe on board – or similar are usually the opposite. Bogan Sarcasm or self delusion?? Or are muffin tops sexy.

15 01 2010
Tone

I suspect that what the ‘Babe On Board’ stickers/signs are referring to is the driver’s physical resemblance to the star of the 1995 film of the same name.

15 01 2010
Jodie

I saw (at Boronia Safeway, natch) a car with the number plate SPRMDL. I was gratified to note that the driver was in no way said supermodel. One has to grudgingly admire in a way the bogan’s miguided, overinflated and completely unjustified self-confidence.

15 01 2010
S-Man

I’m sorry, I don’t speak bogan. What does that say?

15 01 2010
Indi

NMBRPLT is a little like Hebrew script- you have to interpolate vowels. So you could end up with SUPERMODEL or SPRAYMODULE, depending on your mood.

15 01 2010
S-Man

Oh I see. I initally thought “spread ’em” and couldn’t get past it.

15 01 2010
Jodie

Heh. Yeah, I think it was meant to be read as “supermodel”.

15 01 2010
John Vardanega

Or even, SPERMIDOL?

15 01 2010
Indi

Nice one.

15 01 2010
FT

I must admit, my initial reading was similar to that, only with DOLL at the end, rather than IDOL. Not sure why I made that assumption…

15 01 2010
John Vardanega

Same implication and equally fitting in this case. And one less syllable can’t be a bad thing.

15 01 2010
Deboganator

My first take was “SPERM DOLL”.

Which is probably not entirely inaccurate.

15 01 2010
Indi

We now just need Jodie to print this sub-strand out and pop it under the windscreen if she sees this woman again.

15 01 2010
Jodie

Hehe. Indi, you are the wind beneath my wings. Alas, being the pussy I am would be too afraid of the bogan’s notoriously volatile temper/lack of public shame. 😉

15 01 2010
Jodie

Forgot to add- the exquisite creature was wearing tracky daks and no shoes. Into the supermarket. Class. I won’t even go into the horror of walking across a sputum and cigarette ash-covered Safeway carpark in bare feet… *shudder*

15 01 2010
Beck

Sounds like the name of a bogan’s favourite reality show about the trials of human sexuality.

18 01 2010
Indi

“We’ll be right back with out soggy biscuit finale after this ad.”

15 01 2010
Azza

I saw a car with a number plate AUDUSD.

Haha, currency trading arbitrage bogan! TBL

15 01 2010
Indi

No, didn’t get a word of that.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

He’s probably an FX trader.

15 01 2010
John Vardanega

Well, it almost looks like it might be ABSURD. Almost.

18 01 2010
Indi

Or Audi Upsized

15 01 2010
brad

sure it wasnt Zagames?

16 01 2010
Jodie

She may have been en route- Zagame’s is directly across the road. I kid you not.

17 01 2010
brad

I know the area well Jodie the train station is not where you wanna be at night

18 01 2010
Nelson Esq

On the w-e I saw a new black BMW 325 coupe with fat exhaust pipe, black and bling 20 inch mag wheels and the number plate PAY-UP.

Either the ride of a cashed up bogue-nouveau or the mafias collections man/ knee breaker. I don’t quite get the big exhaust pipe though…if collecting money was your profession, surely you wouldn’t want anyone to hear that you’re coming from a kilometre away!

15 01 2010
Simon

Yes, Gotcha.

15 01 2010
bugger, according to this list I'm a Bogan.

Darn, I love my giant sunglasses. can I still wear them in my completely unmodified sensible car or am I then just just being crafty!bogan and therefore guilty of misrepresentation of myself and my kind.

Ow, my head hurts now. To sooth it Im going to Rouse Hill shopping centre and getting a giant Betty Boop sticker for the back of my car….

Might get a boost juice while Im at it.

15 01 2010
Simon

No giant sunglasses are bogan in any situation. Sorry.

15 01 2010
Azza

My friend thinks you can only be a blonde tart or wear stupid glasses to be cool at cloudland….

http://weblink.impactdata.com.au/emailArchiveNew.asp?r=F69361B92497DCFB750C5F2907C13567

15 01 2010
Simon

Looks like they are right. I am sure footballers are welcome as well.

15 01 2010
Pete

Yeah, a potentially great DJ/Live music venue that was ruined the moment it opened due to the influx of cashed up bogans.

15 01 2010
S-Man

I went there not long after it opened but haven’t been back for a while. I thought it was great when I first went there – has it become infested?

15 01 2010
Azza

According to the people advertised on the website, the answer would be yes. Don’t you think the platinum down the bottom left (in the middle) is ready to do an aerobics class?

19 01 2010
Bec

No, it is as heinous as people say it is. They’re not just cashed-up bogans, but a particularly annoying thirty-plus subset of them: the ones who spend $1000 on an outfit but wear it in the daggiest way possible (ironed pleat in their Armani Exchange jeans, tucked-in Ed Hardy tee, too much hairgel) and who refuse to date anybody older than 19 because they’re bitter that their fembogue ex dumped them. Could those dudes just stop living? I don’t want some guy with a paedophile haircut telling me about the lucrative small business he is TOTES going to run once his dad kicks off.

16 01 2010
TJ

unless you drive a hybrid you are a bogan apprently according to this site i was reading we all drive cars and ride motorbikes that use 100 times more power and fuel for what we need.

15 01 2010
Peter

When cycling at West Head last Tuesday – an area regularly used by cyclists – a female passenger in a passing vehicle directed a rather crisp oath at me. I confess to being distracted at the time (by an iPod – something I rarely use when cycling) and as such missed hearing precisely what she thought of me. However we were the only two road users in sight, and I rode as close as possible to the left hand side [of the road] to make it easy for any vehicle approaching from behind to pass.

I was slightly peeved, both at not hearing what she said, and at missing out on my right to reply. However as they sped off I noticed the all too familiar Frangipani sticker (Southern Cross – what else?) and felt a growing sense of elitism that I, on my vintage Pug (dread term, sure, but genuine in the case of my 30yo cycle, brought back from the UK, where it cost me £25) represented enough of a threat to warrant the mindless commentary of a car load of fembogue. Result!

ps Fiona from Toorak – I think I am in love with you.

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, you’re only flesh and blood…

15 01 2010
Emma

favourite past-time for the bogue Peter – yell out of your car window at a cyclist.

cyclists are indeed a threat to the bogue.

15 01 2010
Tone

I can see Cyclists being entry #1 on the inevitable ‘Things Bogans Dislike’ blog, with subsequent entries including but not limited to the ABC, the Inner City, Vegetarianism and Op Shopping.

http://www.thingsboganshate.wordpress.com – TBL

15 01 2010
Mark

plus…

* Soccer
* The Greens
* The Age/SMH
* ethnics
* rorts
* taking responsibility for anything
* any language except English
* speed cameras
* “un-Australians” who don’t share their jingoistic patriotism
* political correctness
* the war on Christmas
* arts festivals
* homosexuals
* emos
* going to university
* petrol prices
* boat people

I’ll think of more…

15 01 2010
Mark

* indy films
* this blog
* book clubs

15 01 2010
Indi

-experts: in everything except some areas of medicine and sport, but especially:
– planners
– architects
– environmentalists
– artists
– dieticians
– psychologists
– social workers

-people who know what they’re talking about and challenge falsehoods, especially bogan truisms

– people unimpressed by bogan accoutrements

15 01 2010
shazza

As a former social worker I can verify the bogans contrary feelings towards them. One minute their best mate, in the blink of an eye, worlds biggest c#@%. Thus I am now a misanthrope.

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

So much for that great Orstralian ideal of mateship.

15 01 2010
Tone

* Banks
* Non-conformity
* Public Transport
* Dwellings with only 1 bathroom
* European Cars
* Organic Food
* Scooters
* Public Libraries
* Minimalism
* Backpacking
* Jazz

Any more Things Bogans Dislike?

15 01 2010
Tone

Just thought of some more:

* Restaurants where the prices on the menu have 1 decimal point or less
* Poverty
* Oxfam
* Maths
* Doing volunteer work
* Single Malt Scotch Whisky
* The Public Health System
* Having their pets desexed
* Alternative Therapies

15 01 2010
Sam

I have never come across a situation that requires multiple decimal points.

16 01 2010
Tone

* Pedantry. Not just because most bogans don’t know what it means (“them fuckin’ rock spiders, string ’em up by the fuckin’ balls, mate!”), but also because the few bogans that DO know the correct meaning of the word ‘pedantry’ are at least slightly aware that it conflicts with the ‘she’ll be right, mate’ mindset.

16 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s the dotage of knowledge.

15 01 2010
Indi

-Taxes
-P’lice
-Rego
-Jury Duty
-Cooking without a fancy purpose

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Being self concious about being a bogan when in a crowd of non-bogans.

15 01 2010
Tone

* Discretion

16 01 2010
Jodie

To add to this- keeping their arguments behind closed doors. I must confess to eavesdropping on my bogan neighbours’ screaming domestics. It’s better than TV!

15 01 2010
Indi

– Doing dishes by hand
– Gardening, especially vegetable gardening
– Quiet good taste
– Independent thought
– calm, efficient action
– concerted and mindful effort over a long term
– solving or circumventing problems
– delivering or receiving valid criticism in a constructive and humble way
– moderation
– reflection on and modification of one’s behaviour

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Beautifully put, Indi. That pretty much sums it all up. There is no more to say. Bugger, as I was really enjoying this blog.

15 01 2010
Frazer

-Suncream, Tanned skin is the hallmark a patriotic Australian.
-Research, of any kind. Census data,”cos it’s and invasion of me privacy n that”.
or
Scientific research, eg, hadron collider, “all this technology isn’t good”, will generally be followed by an unfounded remark that points out that their ancestors never needed scientific research to improve their life. Highlighting their contradictory nature, any spillover effects from such research will be gladly embraced by the bogan if it can satisfy it’s fierce desire for consumption.

15 01 2010
brad

what a lame list

15 01 2010
brad

not so much Fraser,more so Indiana

18 01 2010
Indi

That’s the point- all these things which are impossible to ‘market’ and which don’t make you ‘stand out’ like every other pair of dogs’ balls on the street.

No imputation of class or economic status either.

15 01 2010
Sam

– Speed cameras – “bloody guvemint revenue raising”
– Red light cameras – “bloody guvemint revenue raising”
– RBTs/booze bus – “bloody guvemint revenue raising”
– Excise duty on ciggies and booze – “bloody guvemint revenue raising”
– Sailing – “why would anyone want to do that now motors are available”

18 01 2010
Concerned Citizen

-People who walk – “Only pooftahs walk”

Seriously, if I have to hear another bogan carload drive past me and yell crap I’ll brick their windscreen. Their car is like their castle, they feel invincible. Explains the road toll.

15 01 2010
brad

Ken Lay must be a bogan

16 01 2010
Jodie

Of course he is. All police are bogans.

17 01 2010
brad

“bloody speed cameras”

17 01 2010
Jodie

I have no problem with speed cameras. If people are doing the right thing they have nothing to bitch about, police included. Suck it, Lay.

17 01 2010
Jodie

Lest you think I’m being high and mighty, have had a few fines myself. But, fair enough, I deserved it.

17 01 2010
brad

i just hate their holier than thou attitude like we dont already know about the mortal danger of driving on the roads

16 01 2010
Right and proud

Disagree with you on the soccer one. Ever been to a Newcastle Jets game?

15 01 2010
John Vardanega

And not forgetting, the elderly (usually referred to using any number of disrespectful and denigrating terms).

As a 30-something, I actually don’t mind ‘old person smell’ and much prefer it to the stench of obnoxiousness mixed with Brut deodorant that accompanies so many younger people today.

15 01 2010
Paddington

I thought Lynx deodorant was the odour of choice, with the bogan holding the can at their armpit for a good couple of minutes just to get rid of the smell of last night’s “skin full”. Other bogan ablution habits include using Lynx as a body spray, ie, all over, esp in the jock region. Or “layering” David Beckham’s latest scent collection, because the boganshee read in Shop Til Ya Drop that too much perfume can never be a bad thing.

15 01 2010
John Vardanega

Damn, you could be right about the Lynx. As an all-natural crystal stick person (boganspeak: hippy poofter bullshit) I’m a little out of touch with the alcohol-based pit products. Still, that’s why I’m here – to make fun of ridiculous people and to learn stuff.

15 01 2010
Bec

On some people Lynx can be perfectly fine. Those people are usually older than fourteen though.

The bogan does love a good ‘designah’ fragrance. Never again will gucci envy smell decent.

16 01 2010
Deboganator

No, Lynx is never fine on anyone! It also reminds me of phys ed classes. Not cool.

I used to wear Envy for Men when I was in year 12, now that you mention it.

17 01 2010
Paddington

I’m with Deboganator on this one. Any time I’ve encountered Lynx it’s usually in a cloud of scent so thick you can taste it. *cough* I suspect some people use it as an alternative to bathing.

18 01 2010
Indi

Or insect repellant.

19 01 2010
Bec

It really isn’t too bad applied sparingly, though. My boyfriend still wears it: that said, he’s a quiet, unassuming nerd who goes for cheapness over name brand, and he doesn’t apply it heavily in the slightest. Also I presume that body chemistry on certain individuals, plus other smells and the amount used, are probably the culprits for why it does smell bad on 90% of the population.

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I admit I use Lynx anti-perspirant, but that’s because they make a particular one of which I like the smell. I don’t cover myself in it, use it as a substitute for bathing and certainly don’t believe it makes me more attractive to women.

15 01 2010
Simon

We pay Fukin taxes for these roads and youse cant Fukin use em so Fuk off poofter bikers.

Ah how I love the witty comments the bogan yells at us cyclists.

The gem of humor is of course Get a car.

15 01 2010
Tone

The delicious irony of that is that many cyclists actually own cars as well. Often, these cars are the types that bogans hate because they can pronounce, such as ‘Poo-Joes’ and ‘Sit-Re-Unns’. But cars nonetheless.

15 01 2010
Tone

^ can pronounce = can’t pronounce their names

Things Bogans Like #66: Not Proofreading Comments Made On Blogs

15 01 2010
Simon

Bogans figure if you are on a bike you can’t possibly own a car. Why put in effort. Brilliant.

15 01 2010
Kaiks

A bogan quizzed me “why would you bother pedalling when you can go twice as fast with a flick of your wrist?”

17 01 2010
brad

perfectly legitimate question,similar too people who sail-“we do have engine powered boats now,hello”

15 01 2010
Dazza from Nazza Wozza

Yeah, ya won’t catch me droivin’ one of those poofy Euro-designed things: gimme a VB Commo any day, mate!

What… ya mean they’re desoigned by some poofter in Europe?

15 01 2010
jay

dazza, saw your friend yesterday in downtown perth. it was driving a badged commodore ss with, you guessed it, chevy boot badge; but it just got better as the number plate read ‘chevvy’.
i was surprised, and, perhaps, disappointed, that the car’s colour was not red.

15 01 2010
Frazer

Other classics include, “keep riding”, “nice bike”, “on ya bike”or “learn to drive”. Typical mindset of a bogan, they assume that a person doesn’t cycle out of choice, but as a result of not having a license.

22 04 2015
powerlounge

As someone who has lived and raced bikes in Europe and North America, I can tell you that bogans have the worst road manners of any country I’ve been to

16 01 2010
TJ

well what right do u have to take one of our lanes that was made for our bogan v8 ute ur bike doesnt pay rego which goes towards making roads i should know cause i do that for a living

16 01 2010
Lee

I think a few home truths have quite hit hard for TJ here. Suck it up princess and have a laugh.

15 01 2010
Shabadoo

TBL hits a massive cover-drive for six with this one … right over the stands and through the back windscreen of a frangipani-stickered boguette-mobile in the carpark.

Elegant, beautifully timed, well played!

17 01 2010
brad

unlike #52,#56,#58,#61 which went straight through too the keeper

15 01 2010
Azza

I saw an indian driving around with ‘Punjabism’ in huge letters across the back windscreen!! Cracked me up.

Frangipani stickers are way more bogan than GH. haha. However, I have witnessed many females driving V8 utes in The Beef Capital of Australia, Rockhampton. These woman aren’t afraid of threatening or confusing the typical country male. Although they ride horses, muster cattle, drink rum and wear cantebury shorts, a pink ribbon in their hair is all it takes to land a shag at the Theodore B&S!!

15 01 2010
Indi

Azza you’re on the money. These girls are aware that the average country boy much prefers male company: except in ‘that’ way. I have commented before on the farmers’ wife type confusing the hell out of local lesbians on the Border. Blokey chicks rule the world in some ways.

There’s also a variant on the small woman in a vast 4WD – an automotive stereotype which strikes fear into the hearts of many – which is small woman in V8, driving so as to prove how aggresive she can be. I’ve even seen a nanna in an HSV doing same.

15 01 2010
shazza

Don’t forget the accompanying she-bogue V8 driving sticker Azza. ‘No this is not my Boyfriends Ute’.

15 01 2010
Azza

Yeah you have to watch them or they might ‘8 Seconds’ dance kick your head off!!

15 01 2010
Annette

“HERUTE” “HERS01” “SHECAR”

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I’ll confess that there’s something sexy to my tiny little mind/penis about a girl who can handle a powerful car.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

It’s not just the frangipani stickers which are boganic, this post should have included all the awful accessories available for the boganshees Daewoo available at ‘Autobarns’; cartoon character steering wheel covers, car seat covers and window shades, fake chrome ‘sports’ gearstick knobs and hand brake handles…oh the lis of crap goes on. It’s all to make the car fully sick…so fully sick that it makes a normal person want to vomit!

You have to give it to the Autobarn marketing department for understanding the intelligence level of and what would appeal to their target market by using the Fat Pizza cast on their latest ads.

Fair points. There was enough in the frangipani for it to have its own topic – the rest of the stuff may rear its ugly head in a future post. TBL

15 01 2010
Indi

The Tweety Bird novelty tyre cover!

15 01 2010
Beck

I despise all that Tweety rot. Who said women want that sycophantic little yellow twat on everything from car seat covers to their pjs. I’ve always barracked for Sylvester, myself. 😉

15 01 2010
Indi

Like all right-thinking peole.

15 01 2010
ThePineapple

The funny thing is, they exclusively drive a 1996 Hyundai Excel..and those cars were designed to be thrown away after 5 years..i guess the 1996 model was passed down to their new offspring.

And the competitive nature of the bogan extends to the le femme bogan as there is this attitude of “what the boys can do we can better”

argh horrid.

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

I blame that heinous renovation show – The Block. The bogan queens (gazza, dazza, shane, craig, ???) had big tasteless frangipani pictures made up from stock photos printed on canvas and framed. (Another bogan love, crap art you can whip up yourself, as seen on renovation shows).

From that point on frangipani pictures began to appear in every other homewares store, then the $2 shops and finally the op shops where they still make an appearance on a regular basis. Knowing this historical background to the advent and rise of the frangipani iconography of the 21st Century bogan shames me completely.

15 01 2010
Indi

Think of it as research – anthropological, or for your novel.

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

Are their grants avaialble?? I could be an exchange student in a bogan home. I’d have to go undercover – new ed hardy wardrobe perhaps

15 01 2010
Bec

Call the Australia Council, stat!

15 01 2010
Indi

So what is the great movie about bogans? ( I almost wrote novel- but naaah.) ‘Sweety’ – too wierd, ‘The Castle’ too gentle? Wasn’t there something called ‘Suburban Nightmare’ a few years back?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Muriels Wedding.

15 01 2010
Bec

Spot on. Bill Heslop -you can’t stop progress!

15 01 2010
Peggsy

Spot on.

Sophie Lee screaming ‘you can’t talk to me loike that…I’M BEWTIFUL’

I grew up near Coolangatta/Tweed Heads area and Muriel’s Wedding really captured that special breed of QLD/NSW Coast blonde scrubber.

I now live in Canberra where the bogans are fewer in number. (nobody tries too hard here, as there is no one hot or important to impress.)

15 01 2010
Jodie

Hehe, I will forever love Sophie Lee for how she played that part. It was genius.

15 01 2010
Indi

Seen Titziana Booberini?

15 01 2010
Beck

Indi, we may be kindred spirits (poor you). I adore Titsiana Booberini!

15 01 2010
Jodie

I have. No-one can rock a mo’ like Tania Lacy.

15 01 2010
Rob

“I now live in Canberra where the bogans are fewer in number. ”

You don’t live near Gungahlin do you?

15 01 2010
Rob

My lazy typing shows again, there should be a comma after Gungahlin.

P.S. I’m embarassed to admit my sister’s cars since age 17 have been adorned in such stickers and seat covers. The models? A Hyundai Excel and a Daewoo Lanos. She clearly takes after the other side of the family.

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak
15 01 2010
Azza

No, the most bogan movie I have ever seen in my life is Welcome to Woop Woop. You haven’t lived until you have seen that movie!!

“Part me beef curtains Teddy!!”

haha

15 01 2010
15 01 2010
Loftie

You’re forgetting the movie that has been in production for some time now…
Featuring none other than Warrick Capper and Mark ‘Jacko’ Jackson….

Its called Yobbos up the Guts!!!

Again – I’m not making this up…
Check out the trailer!!!

15 01 2010
Bec

Oh be still my beating heart…

15 01 2010
Indi

Wazza as Jacko’s puppet? WTF?

The scene at least displays the cheerful way in which male bogans think taking off their shirts is ‘sexy. regardless of the condition of their torso. Once was Wazza, but not in that shot.

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

crocodile dundee

15 01 2010
Indi

‘Suburban Mayhem’ it was.
http://www.suburbanmayhem.com/

15 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076011/

Called the FJ Holden. Made in 1977 – classic vintage retro bogan – when bogans were called “westies” in Sydney.

Certainly not the nouveau, aspirational CUBBY perporting to be the new age boge, just your hardcore old school bogan in all its wonderous glory of pre Lebanese Bankstown

For the surfie bogan of the day cant go past

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082956/

Puberty Blues.

And you ask about the origins of the Cronulla Riots?????

15 01 2010
Indi

Hey, we’ve just written a subject : ‘The Bogan in Film and Popular Culture’. I’m sure Swinburne would ove to offer it.

15 01 2010
Dazza from Nazza Wozza

That would be ‘Suburban Mayhem’, a sort of boganised ‘Pulp Fiction.’

15 01 2010
hindustan

that’s why every second ‘souvenir’ store in bali, phuket and any other bogan enclave sells frangi-art — because they know it will end up in the good room of some ‘feminine’ bogue…

16 01 2010
Lee

How could we forget puberty blues? “do I look rootable freda…”

16 01 2010
Lee

oops just read west melbs post……. TBL #66 Posting without reading the post two above yours.

15 01 2010
Trina

Ahh you’re back! I was beginning to dispair that you had reached the bottom of the barrel with your posts on formal dining rooms and guitar hero! I am surprised that frangipani stickers took this long to make your list! They are a truly hideous display of boganism…usually purchased from a $2 shop….with the accompanying car seat covers and floor mats to match! I occassionally have to travel to Brisbane’s outer suburbs for work…it is a case of spotting the car without those silly things!

Well done, keep up the good work…I look forward to your post each and every day!

15 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

The nightmare of every road user. A tailgating early 20’s boganette in a 4 cylinder Asian made car doing her makup/nails/texting or anything but actually driving and then once they overtake you you are confronted by frangipani and Roxy sticker mayhem and an equally vacuous numberplate “sexi86” (of the wit – Wilde would be green with envy) quickly dissapearing into to the distance.

A daily occurance where I live.

15 01 2010
Kimba

….only to pull up beside them at the next set of traffic lights anyway.

15 01 2010
berihebi

Off topic a bit but this morning I saw a grey import Mitsubishi Pajero that was spewing black smoke out of it’s exhaust and had a Sea Shepherd bumper sticker on it.

15 01 2010
Crispin Huntington

That reminds me of a massive gas guzzling BMW FWD I saw the other day with a sticker stating ‘this car is carbon off-set’ – it should really have read ‘this drivers is guilt off-set’. If you were really that worried about the environment why would you drive a humongous truck when all you are using it for is dropping the kids at school?

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Because that isn’t all we use it for. We also use it to meet our friends for lunch or coffee.

15 01 2010
Simon

Bingo!

15 01 2010
Tubesteak

I only noticed these a short time ago and thought they had something to do with Hillsing as they seemed to be attached to cars emanating from that area.

Sort of like Jesus fish

Alas, I was wrong. It is nothing more than a meaningless uniform worn by the blind

15 01 2010
Bec

My favourite bumper sticker of the Abbott variety of bogan (not to be confused with the Howard or Turnbull brand, which is far more secular) was one of those ‘my family’ stick figure stickers with the words ‘we support REAL families, we support mum and dad’ underneath. It was so classy that when I laughed I pissed out 1967 Chateau Latour.

15 01 2010
hazchem

ooh, I wonder if Hill$ong might warrant an entry too … that place is crawling with bogans

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. April, Ellie, Katie and Sarah will be able to drive their frangipani (or lily) plastered Hyundai’s to “university” soon. By “university”, I of course mean Bogan University – i.e., the local TAFE.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/reading-into-our-futures/story-e6frf7kx-1225819407441

15 01 2010
hindustan

“hyundai’s”??? possessive or abbreviated form? which did they teach you are carey grammar???

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Grrr. I stand corrected sir. Allow me to return the favour: “which did they teach you are (sic) carey grammar???”

15 01 2010
hindustan

typo and apostrophe splicing are two separate issue (is-yous!) m’lady…by the way, it was a serious question!

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Typo and plain old grammatical error are different too…

As for the question, I assume neither is taught at Carey. I can’t claim to really know, however, having been schooled in Europe.

15 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Boguespotter’s Tip: They think repeating punctuation adds ‘Extreme’ emphasis to a question or statement. Bonus points if there’s a lower case slipup, (??/? or !!1!).

15 01 2010
shazza

And random use of capitalisation. I mean random in the original sense of the word, not the yoof of today way.

18 01 2010
Kris

Yes Shazza I agree!

One bogan only today infact, emailed me about donating money to the (and I quote):
“Haiti Victims”

ffs!

(@ the the unncecessary use of the Capital V, not the misfortune of the people of Haiti, I mean).

15 01 2010
Rob

Based on the picture and the quotes, why am I not surprised I have never heard of this Swinburne University before?

Though after googling it, I see it is home to the circus school. LOL.

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. If it’s not the University of Melbourne, why even bother? That’s where I got my higher degree in the Classics.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Katie from Berwick (outer bogan suburb, near where Corey Worthington lives) wants to go to Swinburne in Hawthorn (inner posh suburb), due its trendy location. Typical bogan thinking – appearances over quality of education. Berwick to Hawthorn = long way. The Hyundai will surely give up the ghost after first semester after 100+Km of driving per day!

15 01 2010
Indi

No – she wants to go to the Lilydale Campus.

18 01 2010
Kris

Katie from Berwick will be in for a rude shock when she sees how many International Students (ie; Asian) make up the student population at the Hawthorn campus in particular of Swinburne Uni. But I’m sure she’ll fare OK, because she’s “not racist, or anything…”

15 01 2010
Tubesteak

Bogans do go to university (Macquarie/UTS/UWS).

They do Business Studies, Marketing, Teaching, Childcare or Engineering.

Whilst Engineering is a respectable degree the others merely allow the bogan to convince itself that it is “heaps smart” and the $80k pa salary it ends up on is supporting itself.

It is neither.

Before anyone says anything, NO, teaching is no longer a respectable profession. It merely churns out barely literate consumers to clog the world these days.

I would love to see a post on this and would offer to write it myself……??

15 01 2010
Will S

If you can write it, thank a teacher

15 01 2010
Rob

The younger teachers in high schools, with a few exceptions, are – to use a bogan phrase I picked up playing Rugby – dumb c*nts. They teach out of books via handouts, issue exam questions you can find through a google search and can’t spell for their lives.

The standard once only lowered to PE teachers has now become the norm.

16 01 2010
bec

Hey, I resemble that remark!

Sadly, you’re right. I know a lot of incredibly talented, intellectually-curious people who graduated with me and who chose teaching because of their love for the subject area and knack for getting along with young people. But holy shit, with some of them it’s enough to make you want to homeschool your non-existent hypothetical kids.

16 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. And those of us who don’t have to do anything, highlight the perils and pretensions of the lesser people.

18 01 2010
Rob

The best ones, I found, were the older, degree-other-than-teaching holding teachers who (claimed) they would lecture at university if it paid as well as the private schools (or the one I attended) did.

Or the ones who were raised with the subject they taught.

17 01 2010
Glllen (hopefully that's enough Ls for the right bogan look)

You’ve missed the inversion.

Newer PE teachers are often athletes or gym trainers who decided that adding a teaching component to their sports science degree was useful insurance. Those courses are unexpectedly tough — there’s a lot of competition to get in, the people themselves are competitive, and the course includes some notoriously hard subjects, such as the nightmare of rote learning that is anatomy.

So in some schools you end up with the blow-in PE teacher knowing more about biology than the science teacher.

18 01 2010
Indi

And with a better arse.

18 01 2010
Nelson Esq

The not too bright bogan partner of a friend of mine is studying to be a PE teach…and he smokes like a chimney, thus proving that he’s dumber still!

28 01 2010
Luscious Llama

I’m sorry I’m such a bogan for choosing teaching. All that study, a HD average in all theoretical subjects, nearly getting bashed on playground duty during my first practicum (though that might be because I’m Asian), because I wanted to make a difference. Perhaps us doing art teaching, obviously, not real teaching to begin with are from a slightly different breed of Bogan… we do appreciate culture.

Please, don’t undermine those of us who chose to go into a profession to reeducate the spawn of the bogan.

15 01 2010
hindustan

priceless! hit the nail RIGHT on the head with this one!

anyone who knows ANYTHING scientific about the frangipani /plumeria, will see the irony of it becoming the bogan flower of choice for two reasons (that i know of).

firstly, it’s an androgynous flower, possessing both female and male reproductive organs. it quite usually pollinates itself; both reproductive organs being mere millimetres within each other!

secondly, in muslim (south east asian, at least) culture, it is used, by and large, as a funereal flower. all cemetaries are bordered by the tree, and the entire ‘appearance’ of the flower is associated with death. not sure why, but it is…

so there you have it; the bogan is obsessed with a flower which represents transgenders and death. like everything else about the bogan, it JUST DOESN’T GET IT.

15 01 2010
S-Man

I quite like frangipanis – the flower that is. Easy on the eye, intoxicating aroma. It seems one by one, all of life’s little joys are ruined by boganification.

On the topic of bogans in cars:
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26587541-3102,00.html
Check out the T-shirt the he-bouge wore to court.

15 01 2010
Lis

That bogue is 20? Goodness, bogan living is hard living.

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And the boguette 42! Boguette living must be even harder…

15 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

They have well and truly been hit with both the ugly anf the dumb sticks.

Wish they were immigrants so that we could tell them to “F… off, we’re full”

15 01 2010
Indi

Born in a double-grafted dumb and ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down as they fell.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Lucky for them they landed on their heads…wouldn’t have survived otherwise.

15 01 2010
Indi

Yeah, on that soft bit at the front, from the looks of it.

20 01 2010
JimmyMac

I had the hilarious experience of watching those two on the evening news – the mother certainly sounded Surf Efricken to me.

15 01 2010
Kylie

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought that.

15 01 2010
Loftie

Oh that is priceless….

15 01 2010
Lis

The really horrifying thing is where they were racing – I have never seen that stretch of road less than full of traffic, both cars and pedestrians. Though I guess that lack of care factor for anyone else is a defining trait of a bogan.

15 01 2010
Indi

Now THAT’S a blokey chick, and a mother to boot. The phrse dumb as dog shit does rather suggest itself.

15 01 2010
Jodie

“It seems one by one, all of life’s little joys are ruined by boganification.”

Ain’t it the troof. The reason why I no longer go to music festivals, for one.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Male bogues sticking their mobile phone number with a ‘For Sale’ sign on the back window is fairly popular thing to do as well. As the cars are usually expensive high powered Japanese imports or SS Commodores and driven by P platers, I initially assumed that the morons were forced to sell their cars because they couldn’t keep up with the repayments or got pinged by the cops for driving an illegal (for a P plater) high powered vehicle.

As my thinking is so far removed from that of the young male bogan mind, I was shocked to learn recently that the cars aren’t actually for sale! The phone numbers are there to advertise themselves, in the hope that a young bogan female will think that they and their car are cool and will call them for a ride (in the broadest sense of the word).

15 01 2010
Indi

‘I know why you want it, and I can tell you everything about how it goes . . .’

15 01 2010
Loftie

You know what… If I ‘dared’ step out in the suburb that i am from …
I could FILL pages and pages of photos of bogue-behaviour….

I would 100% guarantee that if I stood on the corner of the main street in my suburb for a 30 minute period, you would see the following:

*Frangipani Excels/Astras/Getzs o-plenty
*F#ck off we’re full stickers on Chevodore B&S utes
*A Black with Pink stripes XR8 Ute with a sticker (HIS NOT HERS)
*Plenty of tramp stamp single mums with prams
*Plenty of bleach blonde muffin top girls wearing clothes they shouldn’t be
*Probably a punch on out the front of the local TAB
*Plenty of Jim Bean and VeeBee cans being drunk by blokes in blue singlets

And I live around 30-40minutes from CBD Melbourne… In the Westerly direction….
Any guesses of where we’re talking?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Sunbury?

15 01 2010
Kaiks

Melton?

15 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Near my place?

15 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Scumbury? Scumshine?

15 01 2010
Loftie

Sadly – yes one of you was correct….

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

I though it was tough living in north brunswick – aka lower coburg.

15 01 2010
Shmelly

Wear-a-beanie?

16 01 2010
brad

Were u bee?

15 01 2010
Lexi

Car stickers are a bogan’s means of advertising their philosophical outlook. They all have meanings:
Frangipani: “I am woman, pick me up”,
anything relating to ‘bitch’ (zero to bitch, sick bitch etc): “independent lady”,
‘magic happens’: “I play at being a pagan which gives me an excuse for being single”,
‘shit happens’: “bad things happen to me but I am not a bad person”,
‘no fat chicks’: “ugly bloke inside”,
girly silhouette: refer to ‘no fat chicks’,
Shore/Joeys/etc rowing/rugby/cricket: “I have money”,
Rick Damilian/other “high end” car dealer sticker: “I live in a McMansion”.

I’ve yet to figure out whether the following are bogue or yuppy trends:
European country of origin car stickers (‘GB’ etc)
Copying the above but inserting dog breed using dog silhouette
[insert dog breed here] on board signs (ie Poodle on board – I know, least likely breed, can’t be stuffed thinking of the bogue PC breeds)

15 01 2010
Simon

Adelaide? By Virgin Blue of course.

15 01 2010
S-Man

Spotted yesterday in Inner City Brisbane: Late model black VW Beetle Convertible, personalised plates, something like “TNA 13”, large, bright pink sticker on back windscreen “Princess”. All class.

15 01 2010
JimC

Ugh!

The boganette equivalent of an ‘UNDECIDED’ sticker.

Neither of which make any degree of sense outside of declaring “Yes, folks… I’m a total bogan.”

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

OK, I’m going to bite the bullet…can anyone tell me if the frangipani design placemats and matching coasters we were given for Christmas by a relative are boganic or not boganic?

15 01 2010
Indi

Placemats and coasters – more than likely bogan. Children are a mitigating circumstance, but a tablecloth is a minimum standard. Photo repro (definitely bogan) or handicraft (borderline depending on skill)?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Bugger! They’re hand painted prints and I actually quite like them; the colours match the decor in the room. We have been using them when sitting down for dinner on during the week, but we do use the table cloth when hosting dinner parties.

Oh well, since we like them and not going to get rid them, now that they’re deemed bogan I might as well eat like a bogan by losing all table manners. I’ll start using my cutlery incorrectly and licking my knife. Might even start asking the wife “What’s this love?” when she brings out the rissoles!

15 01 2010
Indi

You did ask. You could have kept them to yourself and not worried. Eating with children might be the problem. Like I say, children and tablecloths not always a great mix.

“What’s this shit?”, isn’t it? Or that’s ‘stir-fry’ night?

I once had a barbeque with a truck driver cousin-in-law who described something we served as chicken with ‘yoghurt and mustard and crap’. He ate it, though, and insisted that his wife make it (the crap was actually garlic) as their default meal at home.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Yes, I did ask. And I’m not worried about any potential ‘bogan factor’ associated with them. They’ll stay on the table for our informal dinners.

Actually we were informed by the M-I-L that the choice of placemats at Matchbox/House/Whereever were either frangipanis or painted scenes containing 1970’s Holden Sandman panelvans. She did well not to choose the Holdens!

15 01 2010
Indi

Where’s your sense of adventure, or transgression?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Sitting in the driveway in the form of a real Holden…and no, it’s not a Sandman. Nor am I worried about the ‘bogan factor’ with it either, not when it’s not a SS, there’s no stickers, no modifications, no crap accessories from Autobarn, can easily eat up country miles and comfortably accommodate the whole family including the dog.

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

Just put them in the good room and bring them out on special occasions. They will last longer. If anyone else sees them, tell them you are being ironic. Don’t worry about the meaning of irony, it is whatever it means to you and suits your purposes

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Will take your advise – the good room for the frangipani placemats!

As for irony, that describes sumfink made from iron.

15 01 2010
Indi

A cunning plan.

15 01 2010
Shandarleeer

Irony, isn’t it women’s work?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

LOL. Can you tell my wife that!

16 01 2010
Lee

Start licking the plate if you want to annoy the wife. Mine hates it!

15 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Boganic: I’m sure they’ll look lovely with a Maxwell Williams dinner set.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

LOL (to do a Fiona) Double whammy! Would it make any difference if I used the Royal Doulton set instead? 😉

15 01 2010
Indi

Depends on the pattern. Arzberg would do.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

Most Arzberg patterns and colours would be too bright and funky for the decor of my dining room. I’ll stick with the plain MW for now.

16 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Nope, Royal Doulton make Gordon Ramsey-branded dinnerware, so they’ve lost all their status. Who’s safe now? Maybe Stanley Rogers?

15 01 2010
hel

as I have mentioned before but it begs to be stated again, I saw a fem-bogan with the frangipani stickers arranged into the Southern Cross…….. lord.

15 01 2010
Indi

I wanna see smiley faces, or Stars of David.

15 01 2010
ThePineapple

Oh nothing to do with the stickers – but the nouveau bogan is a fluoro collared worker these days, not a blue. Due to OHS the blue singlet is no longer around and the uniform of the bogan is:

Fluoro Orange top
Khaki cargo shorts
the boot of choice worn by scotty cann
a pair of arnette sunnies
and a HSV ute coloured green, yellow or orange adorned with a southern cross/fowf sticker

15 01 2010
Indi

“Urine Test Gold” or “Bronzed Aussie” from the ‘Lympics range?

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

The hard core bogan even wears his flouro work shirt voluntarily on week-ends.

15 01 2010
Indi

I love the clothesline with a week’s worth of fluoro shirts on it. Joys of country life.

17 01 2010
brad

fluoro green too i have mentioned before that the ohs bomb that has caused the explosion in fluoro workwear should be a tbl topic( i am a victim of this scrouge)

15 01 2010
Toddo

Frangipanis are a beautiful flower. I have possessed a soft spot for them for many years. I actually enjoy sniffing them.
I am embarrassed to admit that I thought they were cute when I first saw them appear on cars. At least they don’t instantly convey a msg of ill- will unto the car behind them, and at least my children don’t ask me awkward questions about them.
The other interesting thing about frangipanis, is that I wonder how many Bogans actually have one in the garden at home.
In Perth, it is most un-Bogan to have a large frangipani in your front yard, as they usually take 30yrs plus to cultivate.
They really are spectacular when they grow to 4-5 metres +, particularly with the apricot coloured flowers.
The people who sell the cuttings from their driveway via home made sign, are usually gorgeous little greek ladies.

15 01 2010
Bec

Frangipanis do have the most beautiful scent, too. We have them on our street and alongside the flame trees, jacarandas and a beautiful big wattle, it is the most lovely thing ever.

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

The whole frangipani thing makes sense then; bogans have adopted something of beauty and non-boganic and completely ruined it…shame…

15 01 2010
freud's beard

30 years, oh man I don’t have the patience for that. I’ll just stick a bunch of those purpley leavey stickey things in my garden.

15 01 2010
Indi

Cordy-lions?

15 01 2010
freud's beard

calleduroys? Ask any bogue the name and they’ll look at you stumped, but proceed to tell you it is waterwise while dumping 7 olympic size swimming pools on their dying lawn

15 01 2010
freud's beard

7 olympic size swimming pools *of water*

15 01 2010
shazza

I have about 8 growing in my side garden. They are wonderful to watch through the seasons, and one of the toughest, water wise plants around. As others have already said, trust the bogan to ruin a beatuiful thing.

15 01 2010
Indi

The moment when they go from a cigar-ginger-above- ground thing to being covered in little spikes of new leaves is particularly fun. Lived with many a tree, can’t grow them here- frosts. Maybe in a pot.

15 01 2010
shazza

Yes Indi, the signal that Spring is nigh. And in summer open windows let the sea breeze waft that lovely scent through the living areas (not formal lounges).

15 01 2010
Toddo

I’d still rather see 5 Excells driving around adorned with Frangipani stickers, than 1 Pommy Bogan ‘wicked van’

15 01 2010
DeeBee

This is pure gold! I moved from the US to SE Qld for work 3 years ago and after reading this blog am absolutely sure, without a doubt, that I am living in the bogan capital of Australia. They are all as you depict here …. word for word!

15 01 2010
Nelson Esq

‘I am living in the bogan capital of Australia’
Yes DeeBee, yes you are.
So how did you enjoy Schoolies week? You surely would have witnessed something that is typically and totally bogue-tastic.

Next TBL blog – Schoolies week…especially liked by bogan Toolies…

15 01 2010
Azza

I attended Summadayze on the weekend and need to mention how painfully funny it was to witness the countless number of ugly bogans doing the Melbourne Shuffle during daylight hours! lol. Pretty sure ugly people are the only ones doing it. So much funnier to think the shelias driving around with Frangipani stickers are probably the ones wearing stretchmarks, piggy tails, leopard print bras and flouro fats to dance festivals across Aus!

16 01 2010
bec

OMG, the Melbourne Shuffle… what a fucking disgrace.

16 01 2010
Jodie

What’s the Melbourne Shuffle?

16 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Youtube it. You’ll be sorry you did.

17 01 2010
bec

The tutorials are the most AMAZING thing ever. Especially the ones that provide poorly spelled subtitles. PERFECT.

17 01 2010
brad

clubbing dance style-modern day version of the nutbush i think enough said Jodie

15 01 2010
shazza

On reflection I think the Hyandai adourned with frangipani is more old skool P plate bogan than nouveau. Bogue femmes would be more likely in a Toyota Prado with Horn Broken Watch for Finger sticker.

16 01 2010
Pete

That’s spot on shazza. And the Prado driving bogue femme is typically referred to (by male bogans) as a “Yummy Mummy” or “MILF”. I reckon Freud would have a thing or two to say about the psychosis associated with such labeling!

15 01 2010
Paddington

May I draw your attention to this: You may now bling out your medical accoutrements. Wonderful for those post-glassing and brawling experiences.
http://www.bustedbling.com.au/

15 01 2010
Paddington

ps: You’ll notice there’s also an “after-five” range.

15 01 2010
Beck

Do you think the “Crutcheze” range of medical aids would confuse the bogan? You know, because it sounds like some sort of supportive underwear to help you stay comfortable on or about you “package”?
“It could be the La-Z-Boy of undies, ShaeLeigh! Let’s git a dozen!”

15 01 2010
Indi

Like doctors with red noses.

A friend’s small son was offered a choice of cast colour recently when he broke his arm. He chose pink and his parents had to read the riot act to the doctor to get him to give the child the color of his choice. In casualty. In New Zealand to give the full picture.

15 01 2010
shazza

I’m very impressed by that little boy, and his parents.

15 01 2010
Indi

They’re all pretty impressive in the flesh.

15 01 2010
shazza

“so much better that the tacky cast”. Brilliant.

15 01 2010
Lis

I’m disgusted. I spent a good third of last year on crutches and didn’t know about these. Howe did I function with boring old grey crutches? I might just pretend I’ve had a relapse……

17 01 2010
Peta

Hi Paddington and all others, thanks for bringing my Busted Bling to everyone’s attention lol! Truth be told, I am a true bogan at heart..My Dad has a original monaro, I love cars, drag racing, speedway etc etc and prefer to mow the grass in my akubra, flannel shirt, shorts and socks with crocs lol!
But thanks for the great comments and anytime you or anyone else break something, please drop me an email and I will certainly look after you.
Cheers, Peta.

17 01 2010
Paddington

Imagine that. Viral marketing at its best. Best of luck with your business; I’m sure you’ll do well. 😉

18 01 2010
shazza

Good for you Peta. I see a bright future ahead.

18 01 2010
Nelson Esq

I was in a bogan suburb shopping mall on Sunday and there was a stall set up called ‘Gold Buyers’ or something similar. Very attractive to bogans as they can flog off their numerous cheap Angus & Coote necklaces and rings etc.

A bogan woman was at the stall with a mountain of ‘gold’ chains, which she obviously thought she would get a fair bit of money for. She looked a bit shocked when I heard the Gold Buyer woman telling her that her ‘precious’ chains were only gold plated and therefore basically worthless. I’ll give it to the bogan woman, she took it well. No public boganshee act; she just picked up her jaw and quietly walked away.

18 01 2010
Indi

Workin’ up an Ed Hardy option?

15 01 2010
Beck

*ha ha* Quote from the website, from “Vicki”, USA:
“I love it! I’m going out tonight and breaking something so I can have one too”.

15 01 2010
Indi

Beat me to it.

15 01 2010
Shmelly

“I am LOVING my bling! I LOVE leopard print so it has pretty much made my “matching outfits” SO much easier! ” Danni, Townsville

15 01 2010
Freddo

Walk into any random company carpark & you can easily spot the PA & ‘Data Management’ employee’s cars – Frangipani stickers, ‘Back Off This Bitch Bites’ stickers, the occasional ‘Unit’ sticker etc stuck all over a hideously brightly coloured hatchbatch with hideously brightly coloured personalised number plates…
Also complete with ‘carpark concrete column’ scrapes on both doors…

15 01 2010
Jodie

And you just know they sign all their corporate emails “xoxo”…

I worked in a place a couple of years back, and one girl (I say girl, she would have been about 25) had “Nikki (her name) Rocks” spelled out in glitter letters on top of her computer. Argggghhhhh…

15 01 2010
Freddo

‘Hi guys 🙂
Remember to email me your stationary orders by midday Monday
HAVE A ROCKIN’ WEEKEND EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! \m/’

The Bogan PA at my last job would send this out every Friday afternoon without fail among other similar emails. What increased the irritation level was the bloody stupid fonts she used. Yep she changed fonts on a daily basis…

18 01 2010
Kris

er, did she mean “stationery” orders?

15 01 2010
Toddo

Freddo, that was incredibly observant. Well done.

15 01 2010
Right and proud.

Just over two years ago when I was living in Brisbane, one of my flatmates was a 19 year old girl who owned a VW Golf with a frangipani sticker on the back. She drank Cruisers. Her boyfriend drove a ute with a Bundy Rum sticker on the back. Need I say anymore?

15 01 2010
Lis

And you made it out alive? Kudos.

16 01 2010
Right and proud

I made it out alive because I was born and raised in NSW, and at the age of 22 I had enough personal experience to know what is beautiful and what is original as opposed to what is crass, tacky and tasteless.

16 01 2010
TJ

So what do you guys approve of? how can you have a mass produced car and make it show a little of your personality

16 01 2010
TJ

Sorry forgot to add cant we so just a little of ourselfs or are we all ment to just be another same old person

16 01 2010
Paddington

TJ, it’s not individualism if everyone is trying to be unique yet ends up turning out looking/acting/being just the same. The point of this whole site is that many people may like certain elements of the types of things that are posted here, but it’s the individual person’s motivation behind obtaining them that matters most.

17 01 2010
Right and proud

Bang. Nailed it.

16 01 2010
Tone

As a rule, we all ride bicycles or use public transport.

However, those of us that own cars are most likely to have something French or Swedish.

16 01 2010
Honest Matt

Its interesting how the “ignorant racist Australian” comment rears its head again. Why is it that the only racist Australian is a white Anglo one? Isn’t that an inherently racist comment? I’ve seen plenty of these stickers on the cars of Pacific Islanders and South Asians. According to this site, they can’t be racist, only the great unwashed from the western suburbs of Sydney, and the like, are capable of that. What rubbish!
I’ve been to South East Asia a few of times and be told to go home, and worse, a few more.
Just remember, the racist bogan is not always a white one! We have no caste system in this country.

Correct. Bogans can come in all colours, nowhere have we insisted that the bogan must be white. TBL

16 01 2010
Honest Matt

Insisted, no.
Implied, potentially.
That said, being of Indian decent, I have plenty of Bogans in my family! That is what makes this site so appealling, I can have a gentle laugh at those I see around me and ask them if they’ve seen this site!

16 01 2010
Topcrumpet

I think the current term you are after is ‘Bosians’.
I can’t claim this as my own. I work with a woman of Cambodian descent who grew up in the south west of Sydney. According to her , L iverpool and surrounding areas is full of them!! They have a tendency to hate their origins (referring to parents as boat people etc!!!) and their gross consumption of electronic merchandise, love of hoon cars, frangipanis, inappropriate ‘slut’/’lad’ wear,and extreme nasal twang puts them in a class of their own.

17 01 2010
Jodie

One word: Nobbi. ‘Nuff said.

16 01 2010
16 01 2010
Honest Matt

I think this Boganism is generational.
Brinessa?

16 01 2010
Peter

Honest Matt, I am confused. By generational are you suggesting that Boganism is genetic? As in it is passed on from generation to generation? Or that it defines an earlier, perhaps obsolete, term used by a preceding generation?

16 01 2010
banana

hah!!!!!! Those stickers are my number 1 hate. I love this website. love it! hahah genius. Good work guys

17 01 2010
Peter

Perhaps I posted a little prematurely re my generational query. I have just looked at the link featuring the Brinessa clan of Marylands.

*shudders*

17 01 2010
Paddington

Completely off topic: “Theys are thems”. How I laughed when I saw that, TBL! I wonder how long it took to me spot the change.

18 01 2010
Deboganator

After I pointed out that “These are them” was grammatically incorrect, she cunningly waited a few days to change it. Misuse of pronouns is irritatingly boganistic.

I wonder what her train of thought was? “Hmm, I can’t correct it because that would be too obvious, so what I’ll do is make it conspicuously wrong, so it gets interpreted as part of a joke, rather than me ass-covering my inept grasp of grammar”.

18 01 2010
Paddington

I’d seen your earlier post to Fiona of “Toorak” … This still got a chuckle from me though. My pet pronoun hate: Using “that” incorrectly. As in: “People that indulge in pedantry should have a laxative every now and then”. Or: “The man that designed that shirt surely was named Ed Hardy”. It’s “who”! Why can’t people get it? I can’t take it?

Too much? Laxette anyone?

18 01 2010
Deboganator

Yeah, I was trying to bait Fiona into admitting that she and TBL are one and the same. I could be wrong! TBL’s well-honed bitchiness is very feminine, though.

And yes, the decline of “who” is a nuisance, a bigger nuisance than the complete disappearance of “whom”. To be fair, the who/whom nominative/accusative thing is a black art sometimes.

I do plead guilty to not knowing how/when to correctly decide between using “that” or “which”.

You are most certainly wrong! Allow me to reassure you that all writers of this blog are also male. Articulate and cutting perhaps, but male. TBL

19 01 2010
Paddington

I wonder if she’s a “fee” or a “fy” -ona. I’ll wager she’s a “fy”. She reeks of it. Mrs Bucket. That’s who she reminds me of.

17 01 2010
Pete

Sneaky aren’t thems- quietly improving the site!!

17 01 2010
Paddington

I’m using “thems” all the time from this point onward. I love its quiet defiance.

20 01 2010
Pop

Requesting future post about ‘The Sticker Family’ car stickers.
http://www.thestickerfamily.com.au/

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

LOL they should make My Family stickers that actually LOOK like the bogans who buy them, and not funky, skinny people who shop, use the computer, and surf. They’re getting close with that one of the fat guy using the bbq-like thing and holding a beer.

24 01 2010
StuManChu

Whilst on a recent adventure to the western side of town, where bogans roam unhindered, a baby blue ford fiesta pulled up at the lights with frangipani stickers AND seat covers. At the helm of this bogan transport vehicle was an awful banshee woman screeching at her boyfriend who was sitting in the back seat(?) screeching back at her. Now this may not be an uncommon scene in the western ‘burbs of Melbourne, what was most disturbing was the fact the Bon Iver was cranked up to a ridiculous level on the stereo. That’s right TBL, you predicted it, Bon Iver is now in the hands of the Bogans. I’m afraid its also too late for Phoenix as well

5 02 2010
grant

I have a bogan neighbor with a huge ‘princess’ sticker plastered across the back window of her car. Suprise suprise, she is everything but.

14 02 2010
Sarah

My personal favourite bogan car sticker was on a Hyundai Excel. It said “Sexcel”.

26 02 2010
ant

Frangipani stickers mean the car will tailgate everything on the road, and generally exhibit a total lack of driving skill, and courtesy. In semaphore they read “driver is an alley cat, and a nasty one at that”. And they are always on cheap crappy cars designed to fall apart and never go again when they hit 100,000 kms.

14 03 2010
MD

Just when you think there is nothing that screams bogan more than the frangipani sticker…
I saw a car the other day with frangipani stickers in the shape of the Southern Cross!

24 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Oh wow, I’ve seen that one and it’s sad. Sad, sad, sad. And “Unit” stickers in the shape of the Aussie Swasi too!

24 02 2011
chris

Pardon my bog-ignorance, but what is “Unit”? Apart from a description of the occupant(s) of the vehicle.

19 03 2010
Robbie

what about stickers that look like fauX bullet holes in the side of the car with the splash shit coming out….very X-treme!!

9 05 2010
Mozz

Until you actually have bullet holes and the coppers WANT to know where you got them.

They went rather quite when I told them I had just come through St Mary’s after getting off at the wrong exit. !! Tools

2 07 2010
1/4 cast Bogue

Frangipani Stickers eh? I think they look cute! I’ve just had 7 jaggerbombs. A drink I never knew existed until reading this blog. Thanks TBL for telling me how to live!

PS: do an entry on Poser and Garry’s Mod ‘art’. It’s bogan expression – amateur and one dimensional at best. Peace out.

15 09 2010
Melissa

I think that fromt he posts i have read that Bogans like this website. It seems to keep them in the know.

24 09 2010
RobotNinja

Most people who derive joy from laughing at Bogans come from rich Bogan heritage themselves. So I guess that makes it ok. Well, it would if they knew who they were.

The #1 past time for ‘I like to think I’m not a bogan, bogans’ – forced humorous bogan observations.

14 01 2011
Victory

My girlfriend has a sensible four cylinder Japanese car and the only decoration she has added to the external is a decal sticker of Beatle George Harrison as he appeared in The Beatles Cartoon series. It seriously rocks.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I saw a hyundai excel tooling along Goodwood Rd with frangipani stickers arranged into a southern cross.
pure bogan DNA there. don’t you just wanna get to know that cat?

10 02 2011
Pandabater

I see your frangipani stickers & raise you
frangipani stickers plus Betty Boop
artwork(?) covering the entire bonnet of
a Mitsibishi Mirage (Bougette Driver).
I do not want to know that cat.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

…and here’s your Trophy!

my mother has a betty boop fascination.
just absurd. betty fu©king boop dinky plastic everything.
there must be a whole province in china producing betty boop bits.

15 02 2011
chris

ghaaaaa!! The thread that just won’t die. Spotted on the weekend: personalised diamond-shaped “Baby on Board” signs.
“Caution: Jaeidynn on Board.” Yes, you’ve procreated. You managed to get your significant other knocked-up and now, not only do we have to know that you have the messiah on board, we all have to see the god-awful monniker you’ve lumbered the poor little sprog with.

24 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Oh no, that is the height of “Look at moi, look at moi!”

10 02 2011
chris

… an enormous hambeast boguette, well into her 30s/40s, driving a clapped out VN down Oaklands Rd with a metre-plus “Twighlight” sticker that stretched from one side of the rear window to the other. Game, set, match, chaps.

10 02 2011
Pandabater

*Bows Gracefully*

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

bravo!

1 04 2011
Gold Coaster

WIN!

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