#5 – Boost Juice

21 10 2009

On first glance, healthy eating is anything but bogan, but – massive amounts of sugar aside – Boost Juice ticks all of the boxes for the 21st century bogan prototype. In today’s society, even the bogan is able to tacitly acknowledge the benefits of nutrients in food, though generally they lack the self-discipline, organisational skills, and attention span to incorporate these nutrients into pantries generally stocked with high energy, low vitamin packaged items.

Boost JuicePurchasing a cup of brightly branded juice is a perfect way for the bogan to smash this lingering sense of nutrition guilt, while feeling a sense of connection to the elite. With primal product names such as “tropical storm”, “all berry bang”, and “blueberry blast”, the appeal is as visceral as it is societal, and the bogan’s wallet is quickly $6 lighter. The best thing of all about this tokenistic nod to responsible living, is that it is generally consumed in public, and available in the food court of the local plaza. The desire to be seen as modern can be met by being seen with a Boost juice in hand, earning recognition from other aspirational bogans with money to burn on fluorescent fast food. Boost juice is just a new manifestation of the same behaviour pattern that led the bogan to acquire piles of flimsy infomercial exercise equipment during the 1990s – the desire for the quick fix.

Bursting with natural fruit sugar, the bogan does not sense the capacity for further tooth rotting that is inherently present in juice, and that brushing is still required. The more aspirational bogan, still either clinging to the notion of the ‘metrosexual’, or merely a slavish follower of beauty trends, will of course maintain excellent dental hygiene, if only as a means to apply more tooth whitener.

Boost Juice was initially found most often in parts of town densely populated by hipsters and office workers, but within years, the bogan had viewed the trend from his passing Subaru. This generated adequate demand for Boost to colonise every outer-suburban plaza that was on offer, and the transition to franchise nirvana had been made. And boy, do bogans love franchises.


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61 responses

22 10 2009
J Bar

The other ones are quite funny but I don’t agree with this one.

4 02 2011
mizwiz

1 comment.

Boost juice use so many polestyrene (?) products that it is not good for anybody!

4 01 2015
Rick

It’s it not funny because you drink Boost juice perhaps?

29 10 2009
Ryan

I just like the taste..?

1 11 2009
The Ramen Noodle

I don’t agree with this one either. I quite like the taste of a number of their juices.

1 11 2009
dazz

100% agree, Its not about the drink, it seems the bogan is attracted to feeling special about waiting in queue (“took ages – but gosh its worth it – think of the health benefits”) and smirking when there name is first called in order by a flourescent clad smoothie maker.

Need to add nandos to the list. Where else can bogans line up to 30 minutes to get chicken and chips at lunchtime.

1 11 2009
dazz

Carrying a “BJ” around the city during office lunch hours is also a way that corporate bogans can spot each other.

1 11 2009
Dozer

I agree with this one, as a bogan is utilising facilities such as boost outlets to a portray social connection/awareness to health. Look at this one, fellow boost lovers, as another example of the bogans lack of understanding of a product (such as the references to rigious icons for home decoration, tramp stamps). It seems case studies of the bogan expose the way they wish to show intelligence for things in which they don’t understand. “let’s drink jooz, must be good for yas, and every one will think I’m helfy”

1 11 2009
Brett

This story has a racist agenda behind it. I don’t think the writer understands what a Bogan actually is. A Bogan is not any white person that is proud of their Heritage. The writer is racist and and relies on classism to get their message across. Go back to your Cafe Latte down on Oxford Street, and think more carefully before your next written dribble.

1 11 2009
Armando

Maybe they should add a new behaviour i have noticed since the hey hey fiasco – bogans trying really hard to play the race card because they are white,

Funny thing is, no one is listening or cares really.

4 11 2009
Duncan

So is it racism or classism? I’m not sure I get your point.

23 02 2010
Mark of Pyrmont

The word is “drivel”, dummy.

1 11 2009
Ptifanny

It is the line that attracts them. The line at Hungry Jacks, the line for sushi.

3 11 2009
pinky has a brain

the line at Krispy Kreme’s (?sp)

1 11 2009
Jai'syn

I’m actually genuinely concerned that the bogan is in the process of highjacking sushi. Once only an outlet for the gastronically and culturally curious, sushi has now become a staple for the bogan masses at the local Westfield.

8 09 2010
Thomas

So? How will that change the taste of sushi?

10 01 2011
Les

Well they’ll sell the sushi with the soy sauce but without the wasabi or use imitation wasabi. Can a bogan handle the flavaour of real wasabi?

1 11 2009
Jenki

Brett, I agree…the classism (from someone who themselves is not likely true upper class anyway) and anti white racism spoil what couldv’e been a witty site.
Lifes to short to worry about these things really, If some tramp stamped, boost juice drinker wants to wear an Aussie flag at a music festival is worrying to people and gets them putting quill to parchment then Id rather hang with the bogans, they look like they might be having more fun!

1 11 2009
berihebi

I’d say it’s people who spend their Saturday nights visiting a site of openly snobby humour even though they’re opposed to it and then post comments about ‘anti white racism’ and ‘putting quill to parchment’ who aren’t enjoying themselves. The rest of us are having good fun.

1 11 2009
Jenki

love this feedback from NEWS.com.au
The true mark of the bogan is in spending an excessive amount of time pointing out other bogans. There is nothing more crass and down-market than trying to socially denigrate others. I hope the bogans who run that website take note and try to understand what ‘class’ is REALLY about.
Posted by: cc of Adelaide 2:44am today
Comment 15 of

true

1 11 2009
berihebi

In my experience with Bogans they’ve never been even remotely aware that they’re Bogans or that anyone of their friends were. A lack of self-awareness is one of the marks of a Bogan.

2 11 2009
John

Are you a bogan berihebi?

2 11 2009
Non-bog

jenki do enlighten us dear, what IS class REALLY about?

1 11 2009
Daniel

Ha, ha, and have forked out big bucks for a health drink they MUST parade around the mall/ shopping centre proudly displaying their purchase.

1 11 2009
Paul

I drink my boost juice out of a brown paper bag.

1 11 2009
Jenki

berihebi, sorry, your post was a little illiterate ??
It is Sunday, you do realise this ?

1 11 2009
James

Boost Juice is a strange inclusion. If you are a little hungry but don’t want to eat some greasy food and your body is feeling a bit run down they are a simple solution. I think there is a bit of an identity problem here. I think what the blog is trying to define is not actually bogans at all. It seems they are just having a rant about types of people they don’t like in general as no one would fit into all those categories. Give people a bit more credit.

3 11 2009
Matt

agreed

10 11 2009
Flavs

Well said, exactly what I was thinking

1 11 2009
Jenki

James, I agree, I didnt realise until now that if I were to buy a juice and drink it in public that Im sending out “Im a bogan, are you too ?!?!” messages!!
Im finding that the definition of bogan is very broad and few people wouldnt fall into the category.Simply put, this is all about making nobodies feel better when they spit “OMG, that person is SUCH a bogan”…see…instantly they willl feel they are a a class above the rest as they waddle off filled with pride.

1 11 2009
Moon

No. Bogans are still loyal to the 600ml bottle of coke. The most dedicated will consume 500mls in one shot then carry around the remaining 100mls, warm and flat, for the remainder of the day.

1 11 2009
Mattricks

Well I’ve gotta say, I must be one of the few boganistas out there. I come from a mixed background….wog and not wog….I live 5 misutes from Cronulla….I have mixed ethnic friends….I’m in a stable job….and the only time I buy a Boost Juice product is so that I can mix it with Bundy Rum.

Cheers!

4 11 2009
Lee

Well said mattricks, very rare to find anyone within cooee of the nulla that drinks bundy!

2 11 2009
pleasedontgonowpleasedontfadeaway

Bogans love healthy fast food. I work at Subway. The majority of people I serve are bogans. They pull up out the front of the store in their Commodores and come in with their small barefoot bogan children to eat ‘healthily’. They don’t seem to realise that double meat, bacon, extra cheese and no salads is not healthy.
Maybe the reason why we get so many bogans in is because centrelink is conveniently located right next door.

2 11 2009
Haha

I would agree that ever since the biggest loser subway has become the choice of Bogans, but In the spirit of your abuse towards said Bogans i would add that working at subway must also then be considered Bogan.

2 11 2009
pleasedontgonowpleasedontfadeaway

Lol probably. I’m not a fan of Subway…I just needed a third job 😛

13 11 2009
Jenki

WOw, that is an amazing coincidence because 99% of Subway employees I have been served by, the few times I bothered going, were little bogan upper high kids! Yeah, and they always engage you in conversation about your views on the nutrition or lack of in their food as they rush you past the conveyer belt of sandwich fillers……the most in depth one yet was ” did you want avocado as well?”…..Amazing what people can gleen from mind reading in subway.Who would’ve thought our best work there ??

AMAAAAZING!

14 02 2014
franz chong

Depends largely on the area.I am from Adelaide and what stuns me and this is in Norwood by the way is how the Centrelink offices are within walking distance of the two Subway Outlets on the Parade yet most of the customers are classy folk who don’t always have time to go into a Cafe or a proper restaurant for a meal.I happen to be the cousin of a Doctor so know a thing or two about healthy eating I make sure I go the low fat meat,put some cheese and a low fat dressing plus all the salad to make sure I am eating right.In that area I see a lot of Jaguars and Mercedes,BMW and of course Four Wheel Drives of all sorts very rarely do we get Commodores.Of course I can’t speak on the outlets that have a petrol station on the site.

2 11 2009
Armando

Thats just it – bogans really don’t have a clue into what they put in their stomachs. A lot of their facts are based on marketing campaigns.

Boost juice is made up of already pre-made juice (just juice) and then more. Ask anyone who works at boost juice what their base is – just juice.

It has to be the least healthy of the healthy options.

3 11 2009
Matt

Sir you are becoming extremely frustrating….. Do you really find yourself so perfect??

2 11 2009
Not Fat Big Boned

Bogan Diet
I will have a Big Mac, Large fries, Apple pie, Hot Fudge Sundae, and a Diet Coke…. Hahahaha always a diet Coke

14 02 2014
franz chong

This sounds a little bit like their latest that’s a’more promotions for Maccas.

2 11 2009
h-bomb

Boost Juice – almost as bogan as having your own juicer at home

3 11 2009
pinky has a brain

Geez, some bogan’s are just so far up their own arses they don’t know front from back. I can see that we have some neo-bogan’s on board, who disagree so much with the content on this site that they say on here, for hours, on their bosses time, leaving vacuous comments. Man it’s psudo-philosopher’s and psudo-sociologist that ruin it for those of us who just want to have a giggle. Please, we all have the ability to go Bogan, even I, as middle class as they come, likes to realease her inner-bogan from time to time. It’s be un-australian if I didn’t.

4 11 2009
Andrew

Awesome blog. I wouldn’t agree with the Boost Juice one though, as the shopping centres of affluent areas of the East Coast seem to be highly populated with Boost Juice bars. I’d say consumption based on brands is more of a wanker trait than bogan.

5 11 2009
Jodie

“I’d say consumption based on brands is more of a wanker trait than bogan.”

I think it’s a cross-over area. See, the old-school bogan (flannie, unemployed, smokes Winnie blues etc) has self-awareness. He knows he is a bogan and is proud of it. But the new school of aspirational bogans don’t actually *know* they’re bogans. They think they’re yuppies, hence the designer gear. To illustrate: old-school bogan- Chris Franklin, Chopper Read. Aspirational bogan- The Hewitts, any football player & his WAG. The new ones have money, and therefore make the mistaken assumption that this gives them class. It does not.

13 11 2009
eryes

The point is that one serving of fruit, or even the daily recommended two servings of fruit is exceeded in one boost juice. Boost juice also tends to include high GI tropical fruits…..mmmm. Might as well just eat sugar by the spoonful. You really are better off with a whole piece of fruit as it is better to have the whole nutritional package with fibre to counter the fructose uptake.
No… fructose sugar isn’t healthier than cane sugar.

Subway….you have to see how they make their bread rolls…dough the size of a sausage and lots of yeast that expands it to bread roll size….got to love a breadroll donut equivalent.

Bogan… a token gesture towards health…without really understanding nutrition.
Still…at least they are thinking about it.

Other boganisms:
Decorating canvasses and hanging them on the wall as art.
Mocktails.
Homes with airconditioning running all year long.
Entire wardrobes of polyester and synthetics.

13 11 2009
Jenki

Another staggering insight!

Why is it then that when I have worked in jobs where I am meeting and mixing with people of considerable wealth and experience that they too quite often come in the “rotund” variety,as if only the “poor stupid bogans” are the ones not understanding food & nutrition ??

16 11 2009
HQ

Just read most of the stuff on this site. Quite interesting.. If Boost Juice is bogan does that mean that Grill’d ‘healthy’ burger joints are too? It seems to be quite popular just like the Boost Juice.

23 11 2009
Beryl

Um, I worked here *ashamed*.

This is definitely bogan territory. have you seen the creator? Janine or whoever she is? It is like a bogan made good story. Except for the fact that she exploits pretty young things to sell juice.

BTW – those extra nutrients? bullshit.

1 12 2009
Snoodle

Boost is healthy. If all you buy is the bottled water.

Subway was mentioned. It too can be healthy. 6″ Veggie Delite on Wheat. No cheese, all salads bar carrot (no nutritional value once it’s grated) and pickles (not a vegetable…any longer) do not toast it, add bacon to it, or get a cookie on the side. Those cookies are about 50% butter. Drink water.

Don’t ever eat the Meatball. They go from cold to hot to cold and back to hot again at least that many times before being slapped on the bread.

Have a look at the sugar content of the Chicken Teriyaki. I dare you.

Also watch your Sandwich Artist. They generally assume that having gloves on makes them super-humanly clean and impervious to all manner of spreading germs. They will go from food prep., to handling money, and back to food prep. without a hand washing in between.

14 02 2014
franz chong

I do exact that by sticking to the low fat subs.Was reading over a decade ago the fat levels of everything else compared to Subway.A standard Whopper has 41 grams of fat,KFC TWO PIECES OF CHICKEN IS SOMEWHERE IN THE THIRTIES,A Big Mac has 24 and last but not least a Deep Pan Pizza Hut Super Supreme has 28.It scares me just thinking about it.In spite of working in a Pizza Hut I don’t even take the product home.

9 02 2010
A

I’m confused as to why people care about “bogans” in the first place.
As long as they live and breed in their own areas they aren’t a threat…. until they start cross-breeding with the upper ‘levels’ of society.

*stares*

Round them up and shoot them I say.

15 06 2010
#148 – Wii Fit « Things Bogans Like

[…] be convinced to purchase. If the bogan is thirsty, it will not merely drink water, it will crave a boost juice (actually a smoothie) or a functional water (actually cordial). If the bogan wishes to leech some […]

14 11 2010
Chrisgeo

I read this earlier today. Later I went to the supermarket (in Townsville, now almost 100% bogan), and with minutes I’d noticed at least six ultra-bogans stalking the streets with one of these Boost things in their possession. Amusingly around half of them had a cigarette in the other hand.

20 12 2010
lobbo

When I was working in retail I was selling fitness equipment, the ultimate dust collector, right next to a boost franchise. In my constant boredom I would spriuk ‘ healthy lifestyles at home’ for a laugh. I would get overweight bogans with a pack of longbeach 40s and impending type 2 diabetes salute their juice my way and say things such as ‘ Nah, we’re right’. Or ‘ Nah , can’t afford it

9 01 2012
Matt

I agree with this, the juice being tasty isn’t the point. The fact is boost is marketed to bogans, young attractive bogettes behind the counter, loud crap music, bright colours and big line ups… Park life festival???

21 04 2012
Vanilla Skin

Oh bitches puh-lease!! Boost Juice is anything but healthy! Old vegetables, mixed with fructose laden frozen fruits and synthetic vitamins that are smashed through an oxidising high RPM juicer and then rammed into a polystyrene cup… How one could infer “healthy” from such an awful, high GI concoction is beyond me! Boost are the archetypal bogan establishment in that they try very hard to attain a characteristic usually associated with non bogans (in this case being healthy) but due to greed, stupidity, laziness and general lack of knowledge, they end up achieving the exact opposite!

14 02 2014
franz chong

I am not Bogan but have touched the product once or twice and can’t help thinking how foul it really it is and get this compared to say a Non Dairy Product from Wendys it isn’t for the large ones exactly cheap.

5 08 2012
growlingrassfrog

If buying into a franchise classifies you as a bogan then I have had my moment. I got out and continued in the same line of business after a lengthy process that reads like a messy divorce, involving threats of legal action, damages, breach of contract and so forth. If any bogan out there of thinking of a franchise “business”, take careful note of the contractual obligations. In my case, 35 pages of the 37 page document were dedicated to your (the franchisee’s) obligations to them (the franchisor). This should tell you plainly enough that the notion of partnership is mostly illusory. The franchisor never loses – all the risks are yours alone.

12 11 2015
jazzmain

this makes no sense at all.

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