#145 – Hot Asian Chicks

2 06 2010

There are hundreds of thousands of white bogan males in Australia, and they know many things. They know that Australia is the best country in the world. They know that Asia is only good for Phuket, cheap Oakleys, and maxxing out at the Full Moon Party. They know that they like their women looking like Katie Price. They know that immigrants should get out and stop taking their jobs. But, paradoxically, they also know that hot Asian chicks are… hot.

The bogan covetousness of the hot Asian chick is proof that the white bogan male is actually a great bloke. A lighthouse of cosmopolitanism and compassion that shines across the hostile seas. If the illegal fishing boats full of Afghani immigrants that wash up on Ashmore Reef actually were full of hot Asian chicks, you can be absolutely certain that the bogan would not have railroaded the Federal Government into declaring a six month suspension on processing asylum seeker claims. Indeed, if word got out that these boats were laden with the finest treasures of the orient, hordes of bogans would be strapping long range fuel tanks and floral bouquets onto their jetskis, and trying to intercept the vessels themselves. Nobody would be watching Border Security on the plasma any longer, the entire male audience would be out trying to harness Australia onto a boat trailer and drag it closer to Java with the help of over 10,000 fluorescent FPV utes.

Unfortunately for the male cosmo-bogue, the concentration of hot Asian chicks on these boats is not as high as it wishes. As such, the bogan keeps its covetousness of them entirely separate from its views on immigration, saving it and its friends from having to sit down and synchronise any dissonant information. This leaves the bogan with the time to go out and get max plastered. Out at the drinking barn, the bogan collective will make loud comments early in the evening about how the Asian guy a few metres away is certainly not well endowed. As the night wears on, the attention shifts back to the other gender, and when an attractive Asian female is sighted at the other end of the bar, a bogan will invariably announce to his friends that he’s “going to be eating Chinese tonight” to roaring approval.

The bogan confidently eyes the hot Asian chick. It has witnessed hours of them copping it on the net, and has a thorough knowledge of how they are seduced. Purchasing a house Chardonnay, it approaches the female, who is already sipping on her cocktail. “Here sweetheart, how about you have a drink of this, and then we’ll go back to my bedroom so that you can discover Australia”. The girl observes the bogan with an exotic blend of horror and amusement, and walks off. Reporting back to its mates, the bogan explains that “she wasn’t hot, so I told her to get out of Australia”. The night ends with the spurned bogan performing the stranger on itself in its computer chair, to the familiar scenes of “Asian Slutmax Volume IV”.