#216 – The Real World

28 02 2011

While it may not admit it in as many words, the only type of experience that the bogan has respect for is experience at being a bogan. For, you see, being a bogan allows a degree of insight into things that is simply unattainable through any other means. While bogan-reviled intellectuals seek (and often succeed) to understand things via logical methods, this currency is of no value to the bogan. This is because the bogan itself is an elaborate tangle of hypocrisy and half-truth, and any bogan worldview tends to project that condition outwards. This, to the bogan, is The Real World.

No Real World can be real without reality, and the bogan derives its quotient of reality from the television, where it observes other bogans bickering amongst themselves for cash prizes in highly contrived and edited conditions. It then turns to A Current Affair, where it observes bogans complaining to journalists in highly contrived and edited conditions. At this point, the bogan’s broad river of knowledge breaches its banks, and it is right ready to dispense… dispense knowledge about how its bank breaches its rights.

Indeed, in order to acquire knowledge of The Real World, it appears the bogan merely has to indulge every impulse that is induced in itself, and subsequently locate escapegoats. Once again, A Current Affair plays an important role, explaining allergies, ADHD, clashing with reporters, the Qu’ran, freedom of speech, and the misuse of their taxpayer dollars. All in all, the bogan’s Real World is constructed as a reason for the bogan to not have to modestly apply itself to any long term pathway of self-betterment.

But it’s not enough for just the bogan itself to comprehend The Real World, for the bogan also refuses to be led by someone who it cannot witness being Real. As a result, camera crews are routinely summoned to capture footage of politicians doing Real things that they would never Really do, such as shear sheep, dig holes at construction sites, or cradle babies they have no affiliation with. Thanks to the bogan’s energy-rich, nutrient-poor consumption of the world around it, Real action is deemed to move the bogan further forward than Real policy.

It is important to understand the other impacts of the bogan’s endless search for the Real in this world. Real flavour comes from highly processed foods, and Real entertainment occurs in either tandem with wearing 3D googles in front of the maxtreme plasma screen, or at Movieworld, which is the second most Real World after Reality relevision. It’s possible that the pinnacle of Reality was achieved in August 2007, when a Reality television program called “The Real World: Sydney” saw 8 Americans relocated to a 1,900 square metre house in Darling Harbour… to work for Contiki Tours. Jim Beam has also been of great assistance to the bogan via its “Real Bourbon” marketing campaign, which helps the bogan to distinguish Real Bourbon from the products of sneaky distilleries who keep putting iced tea or creek water in 700ml bottles, attempting to sell them to the bogan without telling it what’s Really in there.