#110 – ADHD

22 03 2010

The bogan’s desire for glory manifests itself in many different ways. There’s the uninformed gambling, the process of getting huge, the killing of things, and so much more. All of this glory-hunting takes up significant slices of the bogan’s time, so the bogan is prone to taking shortcuts on other things to ensure that it can fit in the viewing of a Twenty/Twenty cricket game before going to the pub to watch a cover band butcher “Sex on Fire”. One of the things that regularly get short-changed by the bogan is the adequate raising of its children.

Due to neglect, a massive can for breakfast each day, and impulsive and anti-intellectual parental role models, the bogan’s children are quite likely to behave like uncontrollable morons. While the bogan parent is always eager to acquire cheap glory, it is vehemently unwilling to accept responsibility for the conduct of bogan junior, despite little Bilynda and Maxxx busily setting fire to the upholstery in the formal dining area. Using the same mental shortcut that caused it to decide that it had a gluten allergy, the bogan will loudly and arbitrarily declare that its recalcitrant offspring has ADHD. At this point, the bogan parent feels relieved and reassured that none of this mess is its fault.

The calmness and relief is shortlived, however, because parent-teacher interviews are very stressful for the bogan parent. Faced with professionally trained opinions on its child’s behaviour, rage surges through the bogan’s veins like fuel through a jet ski. It decides that because bogan junior can do no wrong, the teacher needs to be taken down a peg or two, in the process gaining much-needed exposure to the bogan’s “real world”. The teacher rudely suggests that the child might not have ADHD, and could perhaps benefit from better guidance and support. The teacher also suggests getting a medical opinion on the alleged ADHD, which is interpreted by the bogan parent as a statement of doubt that the bogan might not be a medical expert. This is unacceptable to the bogan.  Amidst the screeching, the finger pointing, the feigned shock, and the threats of retribution, the bogan parent will variously assign blame to the other students, other parents, the teacher, or the fundamental concept of education. It will eventually storm out, vowing to itself that it will craft its child even more closely in its own image.

At a subsequent BBQ, the bogan will proudly regale all attending about the time they stuck it up the Headmaster. It will describe in vivid detail every unreasonable conclusion and every pathetic excuse that justified their spawn interrupting and assaulting 30 other innocent children stupidly focused on obtaining an education.