#244 – Low Interest Rates

5 09 2011

The bogan understands economics. With a level of understanding akin to James Cameron’s grasp of screenplays, the bogan will frequently invoke its right to free speech to opine vociferously on the performance of the economy, thus the performance of the government of the moment. And the bogan knows that there is only one true measure of economic performance: interest rates.

Interest rates are the Reserve Bank’s sole means of regulating an overinflating economy, or spurring on sluggish consumer and business spending by discouraging or encouraging bank lending. However, unlike the ‘conventional’ economic wisdom, which the bogan is assured by News Ltd is spurious, the bogan knows that a truly strong economy exists only when interest rates are at all-time record lows. The bogan approaches interest rates much like a climatologically paranoid beaver. Should it rain heavily, the beaver’s dam could well be fucked. The bogan, loaded up with $500,000 of borrowed money to pay off the McMansion, views rising interest rates much like as incoming inclement weather; that is, a clear signal of impending economic doom.

Thus, every month, there is a near-pornographic obsession in the trashmedia with the upcoming announcements on interest rates, as ‘journalists’ rapidly calculate the monthly cost facing overleveraged bogans’ average mortgage repayments. Accordingly, bogans will express outrage when the banks have the temerity to ‘pass on the rate rise’. National politicians will then fuel the flame of righteous bogan fury, claiming that the banks have a responsibility to bogans everywhere, and that their behaviour (making a profit) is un-Australian.

Once the dust has settled, the bogan will begin complaining to everyone about how the rising interest rates are the government’s and the banks’ fault, and that they are now in ‘mortgage stress’, because that it a term they heard Kochie use once. This is despite the fact that mortgage rates are still about half the level of 1991. This is also despite the fact that the bogan has happily loaded up the credit card at 20% for a new bookshelf from IKEA, a 0.25% increase in the interest rate is enough to send the bogan into a seething rage.

The bogan, under the extraordinary levels of mortgage stress it inherited due to the policies of a government that has no control over interest rates, will approach the bank, asking to fix its exchange rate. It understands economics, but not fixed or variable mortgages. It resigns itself to watching the monthly announcement on the increase in interest rates, and will then exercise its right to free speech to opine vociferously about how unaffordable housing is in Australia.





Friday Boganomics – ‘Increased Likelihood of Rate Rise’

6 05 2011

The bogan is a voracious consumer of media. It will, on any given day, access any or all of a variety of newspapers and news sites ranging from the Herald Sun to the Daily Telegraph and occasionally the Courier Mail. On the days it’s feeling like pretending it knows something about economics or politics, it will brush up against Fairfax, but often retreat hurriedly, confronted by the lack of likeness to Andrew Bolt’s blog.

The bogan consumes all of this media because it cares about the big issues. It needs to opine vociferously on matters of importance. And to the bogan, there are two matters of greater importance than anything else: stopping boats and the economy. The performance of the economy, the bogan knows, is entirely the responsibility of the Federal Government, and, moreover, the bogan knows that there is only one true measure of economic performance: interest rates.

However, unlike the ‘conventional’ economic wisdom, which the bogan is assured by News Ltd is spurious, the bogan knows that a truly strong economy exists only when interest rates are at all-time record lows. The bogan approaches interest rates much like a climatologically paranoid beaver. Should it rain heavily, the beaver’s dam could well be inundated. Likewise, the bogan, nestled in his McMansion, sees rising interest rates as an impending torrent; that is, a clear signal of approaching economic doom.

Continue reading over at Macrobusiness





Friday Bachelor of Bogan (BBo)

5 11 2010

It’s been an imperiled week of boganity. Please observe:

The recent Qantas A380 disaster has caused outrage amongst bogans because:

Canberra Raiders player Joel Monaghan’s stunt of having a friend’s dog lick his testicles on camera is:

 

CBA’s decision to raise lending rates by 45 basis points after the Reserve Bank increased the cash rate by 25 basis points on Melbourne Cup day:

The bogan has had an amazing week because: