#6 – Prefacing Racist Statements With ‘I’m not racist but…’

21 10 2009

The new bogan is a beacon of tolerance. This comes from the brief association with a person from a different country/race/religion at the local Thai or Chinese take away, the ostracised work colleague, or the evening spent on the Woodies with a mate’s girlfriend’s friend’s Asian friend. Thus, in the event of a discussion relating to racism, aboriginals or Asian drivers, the bogan is all knowing.

Each statement typically begins with an honest admission such as:

I’m not racist….. but those Abos really have it too good, the bastards


‘I’m not racist…but those fucking curries should quit whining. Seriously a couple of them get bashed and you’d think it was the end of the world.’

Or the more authoritative, and ever popular:

‘One of my best mates is Asian, so I’m allowed to say they STINK. They really do, even in Bali and Bangkok. And they can’t drive. It’s like genetics or something.’

Chick Chick BoomThis form of disclaimer can be extended beyond occasional interactions with foreigners, and many bogans will actively carry, wear or enact visible or tangible evidence of their god-given right to besmirch those who differ from them. Common examples include Buddhist iconography – in the form of home furnishings, or the more portable keychain – t-shirts with foreign languages, or tattoos with bad translations of common phrases in other languages.

By proudly displaying in this fashion, the bogan carries a semi-permanent signifier that, when they ruthlessly and unnecessarily characterise an entire billion-strong ethnic group on the basis of a tired stereotype, they do it from a position of understanding and empathy.

#2 – Buddhist Iconography as Home Furnishings

16 10 2009

No longer is the bogan confined to decorating their home with HSV wall clocks and novelty stubby holders featuring grammatically reprehensible, jingoistic humour about beer guts, ageing, or alleged sexual prowess.

BuddhistThe 21st century has seen the bogan home politicised by the upwardly mobile sentiments of the female bogan, who is now pursuing new goals in the bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, and dining room. Unfortunately for the male bogan, these goals do not provide opportunities to validate the assertions printed on his carefully selected stubby holders.

They are the new goals of the suburban aspirational class so elegantly segmented as Howard’s battlers, and what better way to announce one’s entry into the knowledge economy than by purchasing a Buddhism-themed figurine, statue, or water feature from the garden section of Kmart. The female bogan is then able to experience an increased sense of affiliation with thousands of years of learning, sacrifice, and suffering, conveniently distilled into a domestic decoration that will go well with the new cushions. Fortunately for the household, the female does not expect the rest of the family to understand the philosophy behind the iconography, largely because she doesn’t either.

Much like the destruction of Polar Bear habitat being wrought by the seemingly unstoppable march of global warming, the female bogan’s bold new foray into exotic symbolism has forced the traditional male to retreat to the rumpus room. There, he is constructing a final battle line near the entrance to the room, comprised primarily of the stubby holders, and a scale model of a Bathurst-winning Holden driven by the late, great Peter Brock.