#92 – News Limited

24 02 2010

There is nothing a bogan loves more than being outraged. In particular, being outraged at people who, for a variety of reasons, it has made minimal effort to understand on ethnic, national, or religious grounds. And there is no better font of fury-inducing rocket fuel than News Ltd’s very own line of Australian newspapers. The only rumoured greater source is whatever is written at the bottom of a glass of Bundaberg and Cola.

With an array of columnists with a hard-wired awareness of the bogan’s panic buttons, the topic du jour on the comments page (and increasingly, the papers’ websites’ blogs) invariably revolves around blaming ‘other’ people for bad things. Often, those at fault are the very people who are the victims of their own reckless/lazy/indolent behaviour (see alcoholism, Aboriginal or homelessness, the homeless).

Thus stimulated, bogans are equipped with sufficient righteous indignation to cover any encounter with a fellow at the water cooler, food court, playgroup or other designated daytime bogan convergence point. Once discussion of last night’s episode of Master Chef and Border Security is exhausted, that is. This discussion tends to follow similar themes to the commentary printed in that morning’s tabloids. Indeed, many a bogan has been caught repeating a slightly more obscure columnist verbatim, in an effort to pass off the opinion as their own.

Example:

Bogan 1: “Can you believe they’re actually going through with an emissions trading thingy because of climate change? I mean, for all intensive purposes, Australia doesn’t mean anything to climate change!”

Bogan 2: “Tell me about it – it’s all a crock anyway…there’s a whole bunch of scientists – like 100,000 – who say it’s all bull, and that climate change is a myth made up to charge us higher taxes so we can give Abos more welfare that they’ll spend on booze! And I reckon this is a perfect opportunity for the Liberals to make a case for the next election – there’s a silent majority out there that’s waiting for a party to push this whole thing to one side, but the lefty media won’t publish anything. Can you believe it?!”

Bogan 1: “That’s funny, I read exactly the same thing in Andrew Bolt’s column this morning…”

Bogan 2: “…Really? Oh…well…what a coincidence…ha ha…great minds think alike!”

Of course, this is not limited only to News Ltd’s Victorian or Novocastrian endeavours. The Courier Mail, The NT News, The Adelaide Advertiser, and of course the incredible www.news.com.au (news being in the title makes it easily googlable without actually knowing any news websites – ideal) are all bastions of bogan confected outrage. Enough outrage to tide the bogan through to 6:30pm, on its choice of channel 7 or 9.

NB – The bogan would enjoy The Australian, also, although its worrisome habit of being too big and using too many confusing phrases like ‘leftist agenda’ makes it considered unsuitable reading by the bogan.