#161 – The Brisbane Broncos

28 07 2010

On July 3, 2009, the male bogan was happily ensconced on its interest free couch, watching the Broncos v Warriors game on the plasma, and nursing a beer. “Baaaaaybe?”, came a voice from 6 rooms away in the kitchen of the McMansion. The bogan continued to watch the game, and barked at Israel Folau’s fumble of the ball. “BAAAAAAAYBE?”, came the voice again. At the next commercial break, the male bogan responded. “Hey?”

“We need to talk babe”, declared the female bogan, knowing full well that the game was still underway at Suncorp Stadium. While the male bogan didn’t know this, its partner had been on the same interest free couch the previous evening, watching A Current Affair. The female hadn’t slept well that night. Irritated at being pulled away from the plasma, the male trudged through the study, then through the formal dining room, then the lounge, then the library, then the meals room, eventually joining the female at the kitchen table. “What?”

“Babe, I’ve been thinking. I want to start a family. I was wa…”  The male cut her off, fear in his eyes. “WHAT?!?” The female bogan yelled back, demanding to be allowed to continue. “As I bloody said, I was watching A Current Affair last night.” “So?”, replied the male, aware that the commercial break back in the rumpus room (a four minute walk away) would be ending within the next few seconds. “Well, as of two days ago, the baby bonus is worth like a grand more than it was a while back”.

The male bogan’s face softened. In its private moments, it had often thought to itself that it might like to be a father one day. It wasn’t entirely happy with the size of its plasma screen, and it paused to consider whether it would finally be able to convince the female of the need to upgrade it to a 3D behemoth. But that conversation would have to wait. “Oh babe”, it gushed, leaning forward to embrace the female bogan. They remained in each other’s arms for what seemed like an eternity. “What do you think of Tyarnee?”, asked the female politely. “Nah, it’ll be a little bloke… “Tysenn”. Not even differences of opinion like this could come between them now.

Later that evening, the bogan male went to buy two bottles of Moet to celebrate with, and the pair of them discussed extending the McMansion to include a nursery, a kids’ rumpus, and a cubby house with an Xbox and plasma. “Oh I can’t wait to use the baby bonus to shop for Armani Junior!”, enthused the female bogan. “Do they make Broncos jerseys?”, its partner enquired.