#241 – Theatre Restaurants

10 08 2011

Despite the best efforts of their marketing departments to abandon their traditional audiences, theatres around Australia remain only occasionally of interest to the bogan. This occurs during the runs of things such as Shane Warne the Musical, Puppetry of the Penis, and the farewell tour of something they once fleetingly liked.

However, there is one type of theatre that the bogan has maintained a hunger for. A theatre whose exterior is so maxtreme that it couldn’t possibly contain things that bogans do not like. Theatre restaurants have been present in Australia’s capital cities for decades, and also can be found in bogan strongholds such as Newcastle and the Gold Coast.

While theatre restaurants may appear to be particularly bogan, there is a brutal subtext to these venues. The people who theatre restaurants pay to amuse the bogan on stage are very unlikely to be bogans. Generally, they are inner urban uni students or drama graduates who have failed to take Hollywood by storm. As punishment, they are forced to spend the rest of eternity dressed up in corsets and plastic fangs, clumsily overplaying physical comedy so that the bogan knows when to laugh.

Because the actors and hosts at the restaurant all look ridiculous, this gives the bogan the green light to express its own sartorial personality when attending a theatre restaurant. An unfortunate side-effect of this, is that theatre restaurants are popular venues for hens’ nights. The boganic bride-to-be, adorned in enough penis-themed products to impregnate a latex sex doll, is in its element at a theatre restaurant.

These actors will cavort around the restaurant, barking into lapel microphones, and involving selected bogans in the hilarity. Meanwhile, the bogan chews its way through a plate of rubbery beef and blackbean, and offers the room unsolicited insight into what’s on its mind.

As the bogan gnaws futilely on its rapidly congealing meal, it pauses to consider the entertainment value of the miserable actors on the stage before it in silence. While it finds the entertainment to be awesome in the consistent way that the stars of the show will draw attention to the flaws of various other guests, and the buxom wenches seem to be hovering around its table quite a bit. But then, the host, Count Dracula himself, swaggers towards the bogan, eyeing its Elwood t-shirt and lycra sleeve ‘tattoo’…


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350 responses

10 08 2011
Shirley M.

I do hope you all attended one of these venues for research purposes.

10 08 2011
DuxLux

Dirty Dicks was bawdily and buxomly wenchsome long ago and may be the common ancestor to the current crop of pretenders. Radiocarbon dating of left over ‘Surf n Turf’ suggests DD’s may have originated in the Flannolithic or Uggbootaceous Period, during the Golden (or is that Holden) Age of Old School Bogans. Bring Back Dirty Dick’s now!

10 08 2011
RobertL

I worked with a woman who was a DD’s waitress in her youth. She told me that she actually learned how to apply makeup to her cleavage while working their – to maximise its buxomness.

Not something you want your middle-aged boss to tell you…

10 08 2011
Dazed and Confused

Can someone give a few examples of theatre restaurants in Sydney. I thought I had a good grasp of cashed-up boganism, but this post has left me confused.

10 08 2011
p'bee

i’m not sure that sydney has any, really. none that i can think of anyway.

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
10 08 2011
p'bee

you’re a bastard, simon – there’s a glassing coming your way now for destroying my hopeful naivety about a lack of theatre restaurants in sydney.

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Sorry dude, another illusion bites the dust.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

*glasses Simon*

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Damn, I’ve never been to one. I did once have a bucks lunch at a strip club though, does that count?

And it is fair punishment for Arts students really.

24 10 2011
Jesse

There’s no such thing as a ‘bucks lunch’!

Lunch is not a meal eater by Bucks. If you had a Bucks’ Lunch, I can only assume it was hosted by Westfield…

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have no idea what you mean.

10 08 2011
ShoulderChip

Back in fine form TBL

10 08 2011
ShoulderChip

“The boganic bride-to-be, adorned in enough penis-themed products to impregnate a latex sex doll, is in its element at a theatre restaurant” – gold

10 08 2011
p'bee

that is a particularly great line.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Marriage is a totally Bogan institution. Anyone who gets married is by definition a bogan…

10 08 2011
Lisa M

Dazed and Confused – here’s a link to a horror-themed Sydney theatre restaurant: http://www.frightnight.com.au/

And look, Dirty Dicks is still going – in Sydney, at least…http://www.dirtydicks.com.au/home.htm

10 08 2011
DuxLux

Phew that’s a relief Lisa. We’d all be at a loss if DD’s ever disappeared. Our links to our haughty, randy, wantonly-wicked colonial ways would be lost for ever.

Just remember we can tell future boguelings about DD’s… ‘this is what your great-great grand dads used to get up to.’

10 08 2011
Whistling Nixie

The most “Medieval” thing about Dirty Dick’s is their website.

8 12 2012
PB

There used to be a Dirty Dicks in Battery Point in Hobart, but it was completely unaffiliated with the Sydney one. It was a moderately up-market steak restaurant. Not sure if it’s still there. Was very good.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, Mr Kotter .

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

JH, have you guys ever had the pleasure of performing in a theatre restaurant?

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Yes but not real big omes.Caos Cafe Hindley St, Cargo Club and Rhino Room in Adelaide.three or four others in Adelaide but their names excape me for the moment. Ruby Rabbitts in Sydney .
We are looking seriously for a show at Lisottoes in Newcastle,Central coast and Sydney in the not to distsnt future and they more closley fit the classical format. However Caos Cafe is promoting itself more (as you would know) as a thearter resterant and They are great people to work with.

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The bonus being you can cook their dinner during the show.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Yep, faster then a grill or microwave but the burnt hair sort of taste is something that only a troll would find attractive !!

10 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you’re the exception to the statement: ‘The people who theatre restaurants pay to amuse the bogan on stage are very unlikely to be bogans. Generally, they are inner urban uni students or drama graduates who have failed to take Hollywood by storm. ‘ Egads, James Hunter, you failed to take Lower Dogpatch by storm! Maybe while you’re sitting around waiting to be discovered you and Ball Bag Like Turnips can team up for a duo (of failure). The one redeemable bonus of Coitus Buzzard is that you and that vulgar troupe of hairlip hicks don’t need to ‘dress up in corsets, plastic fangs or clumsily overplay physical comedy so that the bogan knows when to laugh.’ I mean, that’s pretty much the act, isn’t it, pops? And as far as you being a student, urbane or of the inner city, well… Not unless you count your one flying visit to Newtown, which, visually, resembled that episode of Skippy when a young Gary Pankhurst in the role of Sonny Hammond ventured into Circular Quay and gazed upwards in amazement at the then skyscrapers of Sydney (a city barely beginning its post war architectural developments, with the original AMP building, nowadays no more than a pimple on the sky scape, being the tallest building in town). However you could, perhaps, be counted-in as a ‘drama graduate’. I mean, you must put on a fairly convincing act every fortnight down at C’link.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I liked Pete more when his posts were shorter. Never had time to bang my head against a wall enough to put me in hospital.

12 08 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Don’t even bother with replying, much less bash your head in exasperation, to those tawdry comments of some embittered and pitiful troll, Ash. I certainly wouldn’t waste my time in giving oxygen to the bonfires of vanity in responding directly to such cowardly personal attacks, particularly when there’s actually nothing elucidated to further our understanding of boganism within those responses; they are simply slurs best ignored, really…read on to the next contributor, you’ll at least find some small insight in the responses of others, even if it’s mere validation of a point within the topic discussed.

At least I’m now in fine company and worthy of being targeted by PT, despite my never having engaged in any capacity whatsover with him, much less stoop down to carry out ad hominem attacks, even if they were provoked by frustration of his relentless besmirching of James (he’s more than able to fight his corner, anyway). But unlike him, I will not rise to the bait; this is as far as I’m going to acknowledge this reference and only as a matter of context to your frustration, otherwise that’s the alpha and omega of that matter, so far as I’m concerned.

Why waste one’s own time berating those supposedly beneath them if they thought themselves superior? Supercilious as Fiona of Toorak was, at least she had some semblance of wit (but in giving that backhanded compliment, I will say that I certainly do not wax nostalgic for her muckraking though).

12 08 2011
James Hunter

BOT
Hear,hear

12 08 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I guess it’s nothing more than mere sport to you, playing along with his barbs.

But I have better things to do and say…I prefer to cultivate friendships, rather than antagonise those I would disagree with (and if I was so moved to respond to the person I’m not in accord with, I try to do so respectfully and only to those whom might accept that we do not necessarily see eye-to-eye, but are reasonable enough to live and let live).

I really only unleash my invective at either those in positions of great authority who exercise their powers irresponsibly (say, like our Wait Awhile Premier, Colin Barnett) or to a deleterious social movement, which of course in this case is the new stream of boganism, which cops it due to that circle’s mission of avowed wilful ignorance.

12 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, where, where? You and Ball Bag Like Turnip really don’t get it, do you. But then, to you two a modem is whutcha do to them hay fields, software is them dang plastic knifes and forks and a main frame is what holds up the barn roof.
Also, Western Australia: Land of the lolcock!

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I get bored easily, Turnips. Be honoured that Petey Boy sees you as worthy of abuse.

10 08 2011
trav0420

the cultural and inner suburban “elite” entertaining the uneducated drunken bogan masses by mocking them..sounds like this website.

10 08 2011
ShoulderChip

🙂

24 10 2011
Jesse

Nope, I reckon the bogans are the theatre workers and the non-bogans are those whose corporations pay for them to have a seat in the theatre restaurant as part of some misguided workplace bonding experience devised by the HR department.

Think about it. How often does workplace bonding involve chess or watercolour painting? HR departments prefer to take their employees to Go-Karting and Paintball.

10 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

I’ll be damned. Thought those things were all but extinct and converted to equally unpopular pubs. But isn’t there still one in the inner-city suburb of RMIT University Melbourne? Can’t see it attracting the stumbling paradox that is the angel-winged, dildo-clad hen-bogue, especially if the headline show is an antinuclear-themed three-act play and the menu includes fair trade coffee, tofu burgers, microbrewery beer, mung bean salad…

Fark.

At the risk of descending into Bolta-esque uni-bashing territory, I’ll stop now.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Too late !

10 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Shit. Bloody socialists.

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Out the front are parking spaces strictly for Prius and Fixie bikes.

10 08 2011
Thaluikhain

I must bow to TBL’s far superior knowledge of bogans, I’ve never even heard of this example.

On the other hand, I can comfort myself with not having TBL’s superior knowledge of bogans.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’ve never been to one of these. Didn’t even realise they existed.

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Bullshit Ash, you’ve been.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Nope. My circle of Shire bogans would refer to that kinda thing as gay and leave it at that. If I’m gonna be a theatre fag, it’s gonna be for Shakespeare (which I do enjoy, being a lover of the Bard and all).

I remember in high school all the bogans bitching about having to do Shakespeare and how they’ll never need that shit in the rool world. I kept my passion to myself, but I can still quote Julius Caesar and Othello on occasion. Helps with the chicks and shit.

10 08 2011
martin

I’m with the bogan on that one. Shakespeare sucks balls. F#cken speak english c#nt.

Ben Elton is way better, I’ve read all his books except one, and he’s a libtard.

11 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I don’t read that much anymore. No one makes good books.

24 03 2012
looweez1969

Ultra-literati and outright publishing phenomenon (?) Elle McPherson once said that she didn’t have books in her apartment because she, “didn’t think you should read anything you haven’t written yourself.”.

24 10 2011
Jesse

If quoting JC and Othello is helping you with the chicks then you must be bedding bogan chicks. Anti bogan chicks are the ones who are bedding you!!

If you think that bogans crticise the curriculum and anti-bogans embrace it, then I suggest that by ‘bogan’ you really mean ‘anti-establishment’ and the people you think of as ‘non-bogan’ are just ‘conformists’

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Nope. My circle of Shire bogans would refer to that kinda thing as gay and leave it at that. If I’m gonna be a theatre p00f, it’s gonna be for Shakespeare (which I do enjoy, being a lover of the Bard and all).

I remember in high school all the bogans bitching about having to do Shakespeare and how they’ll never need that shit in the rool world. I kept my passion to myself, but I can still quote Julius Caesar and Othello on occasion. Helps with the chicks and shit.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,If you go to one rember more people die from eating the food then from sniffing coke in the toilets. Message, take coke and sandwiches.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

JH, like I said earlier. If I’m going to be a theatre fag, it’s gonna be for good theatre.

10 08 2011
shakPower

driving past the dracula’s in broadbeach on the gold coast, i have seen packs of bogans lining up outside while their kids jump around like mexican jumping beans . i’v even heard rave reviews about the three course dinner, ‘bloody awesam moote’ they love it

24 10 2011
Jesse

Are you telling me that there are lots of families who take children to the theatre on the Gold Coast? Wow that’s pretty cool…

10 08 2011
devil's advocate

Off-topic and in the “TBL needs to do a post on X”: is there a post that is coming (or has been and I missed it) about renovation shows (either watching them or being on them)?

10 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Good call DA. The promos seem to be chocka with Bogues, presenters and contestants alike.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

My parents love the show, but they’re way more bogan than they realise. My mum likes to dream of having shit like that in her house, and dad gets ideas of his latest DIY project that is sure to end badly. I love him, but I wish he’d remember he’s an Indian doctor more often and not attempt to do white people things like DIY renovations. Of course, I say this cause as a kid and even now I end up having to help him, which means I end up having to call one of the boys when I make a bad situation worse.

I had thought the renovation show fad had passed and cooking shows were the new big thing since MasterChef, which seems to have faded a fair bit this season (again, going by my mum’s reaction – reality TV is one bogan affectation I do not partake in, Jersey Shore and MTV dating shows excepted). Maybe renovation is coming back.

10 08 2011
martin

I caught about 5 minutes of the renovators. The difference between it and the block was that the people on the block are meatheads but reasonably smart meatheads, the people on the renovators were nauseatingly dumb meatheads. The sort where you can see straight through their eyes and into the air in their skull. Ergh.

12 08 2011
Bag O'Turnips

They’ve popped all their cookies it seems…better go and reheat them turdburgers and flog ’em to the willing masses, but with 2011’s du jour colours and fittings.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Ash, I noticed that you refered to your mum as an ‘Indian doctor’ rather than just as a ‘doctor’. What do you mean by this qualifier? What is the significance of the adjective qualifier ‘Indian’ and do you use it to expand or diminish her??

11 08 2011
Edward

There do seem to be rather a lot of them presently.

11 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

They won’t be around much longer. These type of shows have gone in the countries that have had their housing crashes.

Nobody wants to be reminded about their bad financial decisions. It’s that or they have had their plasmas repossessed.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
called “Bogans Nest ” or would “Bogans Den” have better conotations ?

11 08 2011
James Hunter

Edward,
Maybe “Bogan Trolls” ? and how to pick them ?
Or 1001 ways to turn your local Troll into a Blogger ? Could be too hard I suppose.

Bogans at Weekend Markets ? They are something else.

Bogans at Auctions are good value too.
They will pay way more for crap then what you can get it new.

12 08 2011
Edward

Ah yes, that’s because the professionals want to purchase at a ceiling price, which they have already decided on. If the lot number goes over their limit they drop out of the bidding. They don’t fall into the desire trap. The winning strategy they use is to be willing to walk away without regret. They may only take away a few of the lots they have bid upon, but they paid the price they were willing to pay. Their will always be the next auction.

The enthusiastic amateur plays the short game, rather than the long game. The euphoria of victory is supported by having won and by watching other bidders fold. In the mind of the neophyte, this means that they have more money, more determination than the losers.

Of course the reverse is probably true. The losers leave with their money in their pocket, and are accustomed to doing so. They also leave without property for which too much has been paid. The winners have stuff and less money. E-bay auctions are study in this. When someone looks at a picture and says “It must be mine !”, they are doomed.

In the course of time, the sense of triumph ebbs away, and the victor’s mind turns to their awful credit card debt, which they have no idea how to expiate. Their only comfort is putative possession of something, the invigorating moment when the package arrives, and the conceit that they paid only a quarter of it’s value (when new) before postage and handling. It’s the bonfire of the vanities.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Beautifully put

10 08 2011
Pandabater

Work Christmas party, Zombies theatre restaurant.
That’s 3 fckn hours I won’t get back.
Even for free it wasn’t worth it.

The costumes & makeup dehumanise the actors
in the bogans eyes allowing him free reign to
expell his complete routine of hilarious putdowns
& snappy one-liners that always go down a treat.

10 08 2011
DuxLux

Went to Jekyll and Hydes in New York, but that only had silly things that made noise and popped out of the wall. No haughty wenches or bawdy tunes to reinvigorate ones colonial links there! Yanks just don’t get bogans at all.

Screw US Faux Bogueishness, their AA credit rating and their under performing ‘green back’. Themed restaurants – in your face Yanks!

10 08 2011
DuxLux

…although the Cuckoo Clock in Olinda Victoria, is by far the most disturbing. Pot bellied dudes in leather Lederhosen, oompahpah bands, yodeling and 16 year old pimply Aussies doing the carvery is probably is a memory worthy of therapy on a couch. That place should make the Lonely Planet Dangers and Annoyances section.

12 08 2011
Poider

The Cuckoo pales into insignificance when measured against the Tatra Hut. There, you are regaled by an organist playing Gold 104 eighties trash… but wait there’s more!! The organ somehow controls a fountain, squirting streams of multicoloured water in rhythm to the music!!!! I was gobsmacked. Another bogan treat is the Ned Kelly museum/animated display at Glenrowan. So corny it is a must see.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

duxlux,
leather “Lederhosen” Hmmmm. how unusual !
maybe they were smuggled in in an underwater “unterwasserboten”?

10 08 2011
DuxLux

…as opposed to cheap imitation lederhosen, on sale at Aldi.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

DuxLux,
Well, Aldi are German so I suppose it would be good good cheap faux lederhosen ! And it would be on time !

10 08 2011
DuxLux

…just don’t mention the Cuckoo! James I’ll just have to leave you with this lingering image.

http://www.cuckoorestaurant.com.au/

10 08 2011
James Hunter

DuxLux
Wicked, that is so like a bogan place used to be near Town Hall station in Sydney called “The Swiss Inn” complete with fake cookoo, cow bells ,a wandering minsteralin Lederhosen with a piano accordian and a “Swiss” all you could eat menue.!! Good place if you were in a hurry , hungry and not at all fussy.

11 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, your search for a joint offering all you can drink schooies Fruity Lexia continues.

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

JH, I’m gonna start up a maxxtreme theatre restaurant and put a branch in Lower Dogpatch. All the goon you can drink.

Would you patronise my establishment?

11 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Got to love a site that features a buxsom 12 yo wench on the cover.

10 08 2011
Son of Duane

Ahh, the Cuckoo. I was invited to a function there once… it was a very, very strange experience.

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Son,of Duane,
Ah , was “the Cuckoo” what it was called ? cewrtainly was different !

10 08 2011
martin

Simon, I was reading the terrorgraph today and it had a story about how one of your mates died in China, had a heart attack or something at 22. You know those hotchickswithdouchebag guys on roids that I mentioned the other day, apparently there’s two of them, brothers, and the youngest one is dead.

One less douchebag to defile the hot women of the world.

10 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Yeah, my Facebook wall was going off with RIP Zyzz posts a few days back. I’m not sure why they’re mourning the death of a male bodybuilder either, but I choose not to ask.

And I still don’t understand the purpose of roids, when they defeat the whole purpose of getting huge.

11 08 2011
martin

Yeah. It’s like how some women, mostly in the US thankfully, get big puffy fake boobs. Yuck.

11 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Fake tits I can understand. They don’t take away the ability to root and they fit with the bogue idea of drawing the most maxxtreme attention to oneself at any given time.

11 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
We certainly do not want to see you with fake boobs even if you would draw lots more attention !!

11 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’d definitely get attention, JH. Whether I would want it or not is another story.

12 08 2011
Bag O'Turnips

And as if the Brazilian wax wasn’t enough for the SoCal set…now labioplasty is all the rage with those types.

Wrong, wrong and wrong on all fronts…just like male circumcision, almost completely unnecessary and often smacks of rank hypocrisy in its acceptance…these selfsame types would rail (and rightly so) at female genital mutilation when performed within cultures of the Global South, but have no problem with boys getting mutilated routinely (the USA, along with South Korea and the Philippines—due to the former country’s influence—are the only countries where secular routine male infant circumcision is still mainstream…the rest of the Anglosphere has largely abandoned this dubious practice), while booking themselves for removal of much of their labia majora.

Watch this Hungry Beast video to get some background on this utterly misguided practice.

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

…What? Why would you do this?

I’ve never had a problem with that region on a woman. Hell, the deleted scenes of Clerks 2 taught me that a little more than usual in that department could well be a benefit.

12 08 2011
p'bee

if i could remember where i saw it, i’d post a link to a doco about cosmetic surgery where the female host was accused by the male hollywood cosmetic surgeon of being ‘anti-women’ and ‘anti-feminist’ because she questioned how exactly labiaplasty is meant to be empowering. i wanted to glass him, the guy was such a dickhead.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

PB,
What people do to themselves ,or have done to themself, is one thing but these twisted idiots that mutilate female genitalia for so called religious reasons need putting down.

24 10 2011
Jesse

I know two female plastic surgeons here in Sydney (I am an anaesthetist) who mutilate men’s penises. I als think that they are way outta line!!

24 10 2011
Jesse

I am circumcised and my girlfriend told me that uncircumcised males spread the papilloma virus. If more guys were circumcised, fewer women would suffer frim cervical cancer!!

24 10 2011
Jesse

I’m a bit confused. Who are you accusing of being responsible for circumcision??

Your argument is pretty murky. It sounds like you are blaming women for male circumcision and men for female circumcision. I might be you wrong. Why don’t you explain further?

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Aparently a fair few of them end up having reductions years later after gravity has done a job on them.The discomfort and people looking at them for entirely the wrong(right) reason.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Donatella Versace and Friend

Here’s what happens when you mess with nature JH.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
You just spoilt my day !
Great add for the benifits of endless suntanning.

24 10 2011
Jesse

I don’t really understand this exchange. I don’t know the person who died.

But did a young man of only 22 really die? Why are you both writing about it in this way. I’m confused. The death of a young person who was loved by the people who knew him or her isn’t a subject of ridicule.

Ash and Martin, when you both die, what responses will your deaths elicit and why?

11 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve been a bit busy and not checked HCWDB for a while. Seems like the Karma bus collector came for his tickets.

Ash, did you see The Complete Works of William Shakesphere with Damian Callanan etc. Bloody funny, even you would laugh Martin.

Ash, remember bogans are about form, not function dude. So if little Zyzz is a tad below par, it’s all about the guns!

11 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I just find it funny. I would have trolled some of those pages but they’re full of Lebs, and Lebs scare me. I can’t call on a riot like those lifeguards could.

11 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh, when I got home slightly pissed I flirted with that idea and mocking him but you would just get moderated anyway. But those comments made me laugh.

16 08 2011
peterofkensington

You people are hilarious.

ZYZZ was a caricature, a persona, and an amazingly effective troll. You have been played. However continue the mocking, it must feel so good being superior to an obviously fictional character and the related memes.

Tell me, does it also feel good mocking a dead 22 year old before his family have even had the chance to burry him? Aziz was nothing like his ZYZZ character (besides the physique), you should feel embarrassed of your stupidity and ashamed of your lack of class.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Why do so-called ‘Lebs” scared you” Have you ever dated a leb? You SO need to!

24 10 2011
Jesse

TRAWLED not TROLLED

11 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The brother is called Chestbrah?!
F#ckin douche.

11 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

…You’ve gotta be kidding me. HCxDB gave him that name, right. Has to be. No one can be that much of a wanker.

11 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

No kidding, and that is what he calls himself!

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Sweet Jesus.

The good thing about this is that it shows it only takes a generation (even Turnips’ three-generation theory may be a bit much) before the children of immigrants can be as guilty of maxxtreme carntery as those of convict ancestry.

I’m never reproducing.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Try googling these arse clowns. It’s hilarious, specially the comments of his followers. I would love to hear what Bag’O makes of them!

16 08 2011
peterofkensington

OMG his brothers name is “Chestbrah’ LOL. ZYZZ danced like and idiot at Festivals LOLOLOLOL. Borat talks funny and people from Kazakhstan are so silly! LOLOLOLOL

Idiots.

12 08 2011
Blueballs

A dead wanker is a dead wanker….
I’m tipping the funeral will be an event, suited up bogans, spray tanned femmebogues, plenty of circumstantial evidence that Richard Wilkins has been moonlighting as a cut price sperm donor to the western suburbs since his MTV gig fell through in 1989… Hopefully one of the pallbearers will precede to brenchpress the rotting corpse in ‘tribute’

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Will there be one of those roadside monument things? Of course, in this case it would be a gymside monument.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Panda could take his circle jerk group and join in the fun.

12 08 2011
Blueballs

I initially thought it was a slow news week in Sydney, then I remembered how shallow and vacuous the place can be and how this is exactly the type of bunk that appeals to the readership of the DT

24 10 2011
Jesse

NO I’m pretty sure it only really appears to the readership of this Bogan website.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

I AM NOT GAY.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

not even if you were “The only Gay in the Village” !

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Not that there is anything wrong with that Panda.

10 08 2011
Perspicacity

Looks like TBL has run out of ideas.

11 08 2011
James Hunter

Maybe TBL could do an article on Trolls?
This site would provide the quantity required, the quality (sic) required and one or two examples of the Maxtreem variety for compleetrness. !
What say you?

11 08 2011
Perspicacity

No. Seriously. I reckon TBL has run out of ideas. Seriously, “Theatre Restaurants”? Kind of starting to scrape the barrel for ideas now aren’t we? Ever fad has a lifespan and I think this particularly fad has reached the end of its lifespan. Yes, there have been many good posts over the past couple of years, but the quality and relevance has gradually been declining.

11 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

TBL #1735 – Stress.

Had an incident at work. Nobody hurt but an awfully big mess to clean up. Bloke responsible was laughing his head off, telling anyone who would listen about how huge the mess was and how it wasn’t his fault.

Next day he was still laughing about it. I suggested he should get his story right for the investigators because there were a couple of times he wasn’t following procedures. The anger started straight away. “F@ckin bullshit! I did everyfing roight!”

He attacked me, called me a liar and said those procedures don’t exist. When the other guys agreed with me you could see the thought processes work in his head. For a while he was calling harrassment because he hadn’t done anything wrong. Then the lightbulb went off.

Stress!

If they questioned him, he’d just go off on stress and sit at home on full pay. Brilliant bogan thinking. It’s never the bogans fault until it is, then claim harrassment and stress and all is good.

I love this country.

11 08 2011
Kenny Powers

Two words … Outback Spectacular

12 08 2011
Blueballs

YES
is the hat complimentary?

I’d love to see the arena spectacular of the Battle of Beersheba, I’m sure the tactical insight would be breathtaking.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

Free Hat!

11 08 2011
Graeme

Gold, again TBL. God Dirty Dicks was awful! I seem to remember that scrubber cum slapper Bree or Camembert or whatever her name was from Bogan Brother worked there before she became a ‘star’ on BB. Probably back there now i suppose, as a now correct-age witch.

11 08 2011
ShoulderChip

I think we need a column on looting

11 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Looting doesn’t work for the bogan. They like to tell you how much they paid for stuff. It’s all part and parcel of their maximum overdrive lifestyle.

Except for Thai hookers. They love telling all how cheap Thai women are. Ladyboys too…but they only find this out by accident, of course.

11 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
I hear tell Thai hookers are so short of money they can not even afford Penicillin ?

11 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, and Centrelink won’t pony-up the readies for your Viagra. Coincidence? I think not.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Pete,
Viagra is sooo yesterday.
Cialis is the go. Lasts for three days.
See all your problems solved .
Next?

11 08 2011
Pandabater

Mick, Arbitrary Theivery is # 1 on the list.
Looting is shoplifting to the MaxXx for the bogan.

11 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Hmm…good point.

Perhaps the difference is arbitrary thievery is a spur of the moment thing. Looting on the scale of what is happening in Old London Town takes forethought and planning. And effort.

Our bogans have never done anything that required effort for four days in a row.

11 08 2011
Pandabater

I can just see Jaxxon & 2 of his little vandal mates trying to break into the local JB Hifi for about 30 seconds before knocking over a wheelybin on the way back to mums to
“give it to the man”.

12 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Try harder Jaxxson, Maxxson and Zaxxson. Those Andre Rieu DVDs in the cutout bins ain’t gonna loot themselfs.

12 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Zaxxon.

Great arcade game, that.

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Andre Rieu? You mean David Guetta, right? Andre Rieu is for Jaxxon/Maxxon/Zaxxon/Daxxon’s parents.

A future TBL entry could well be one on Dubstep. Bogans love that shit and it drives me nuts when some doof-doof car comes by and blares out my obnoxiously loud music.

13 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Swat I’m tarkin’ ‘bahhrt.

Stealin’ shit faw theys parents. They gots such disregard for they elders dat they’d ga’head an’ loot shit an’ pass it awff as legit purchase faw dey parents’ laaahrv. Dey dezpretlee neglektid chilllren.

Keep yer Daxxon.

Incidentally, today walked passed a fully pimped-out automobile mit Southern Cross car seat covers, Southern Cross stickers, an’ a back-window sticker bearing the slogan “Doof-Doof Chick” in pink tribal-esque font… For real…

Though she did look purty farken hawt in ‘er pink’n grey trackydacks an’ tight-fittin’ top. If shiz readin’, I sez g’day.

An’ I will serenade…

David Guetta sounds like a deelish pasta dish!

13 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

I guess you think yer @ the moofies somewhere, I guess you think yer @ the moofies somewhere.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Sparse, are you racist??

12 08 2011
Blueballs

http://www.standard.net.au/news/local/news/general/south-west-riots-could-be-next-says-former-labor-candidate-mcnamara/2254914.aspx

Looks like paranoia has set in, with a failed local politician predicting London-esque riots and looting in Warrnambool… Like the shitheads that inhabit that fine community need any motivation to rise up? Probably too busy doing wheelies at funerals and shop lifting flannies at Kmart to bother going on the rampage.

Said it once and I’ll say it again, I fucking hate Warrnambool, every time a relative drops dead I breath a sigh of relief because that’s one less reason I have to go back. Still, its an improvement over Colac or Portland.

13 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

No need to shoplift flannies these days. Retail’s faaarked. Buy one flannie, get seventeen free. Those smarmy bastards wouldn’t spit on my celebratory “Hundred Years of the Tax Office” dollar coin a year ago… Now attractive salespeople are offering you attractive sexual contracts in exchange for purchase of last season’s Elwood v-neck. Tempted, but not convinced. Good to see them squirm though… in those tight salesperson outfits o’ theirs…

11 08 2011
James Hunter

The Poms would win the match and the series.
They already hold the ashes .

11 08 2011
Zee

Am I to understand that you did not find Draculas entertaining? 🙂 There is at least a reference to culture with the theme based on classic literature… Not that most of the audience would realise that Dracula is actually a book, let alone be able to name the author. Ah well, the cheap laughs are good.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Latest American fast food sensation – deep fried butter. Heard on am so it must be true. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick.

12 08 2011
martin

What about deep fried butter that’s been soaked in woody bourbon and coke. That’s what they eat in bogan heaven.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Wrapped in pig fat. They would be in heaven about 3 years after taking up that habit.

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Righto, everyone throw in a few bucks. We’ll open a deep fried butter and pig fat franchise.

We all know there is a market out there for it. I think the first store should be opened in the Shire.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Then franchise to Toowoomba and importantly Rockhampton. They f$cking love deep fried stuff in Rocky.

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Lets face it Simon, we’ve already created a monster. There’s not a town in this country where one of our stores would look out of place. We’re gonna be rich.

Martin will be able to afford those golf clubs and hang out with me on the links.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It will be cool to see Martin able to indulge his libtard tendencies.

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

That’s interesting. Martin considers me bogan but amongst the golf crowd I’m looked upon as a left-wing ratbag.

I don’t know what they’ll make of him.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I reckon they will glass Martin, he is a bit blunt for Bogans.

12 08 2011
martin

Nah, most bogans don’t like me, because I’m not a complete moron and I respect brains more than brawn and because I don’t consider them equals. I can fake it for a while but then either they realise that I don’t consider them equals or they realise that they are indeed inferior. Or both.

But then again I used to have a group of bogan friends because I wanted to go out all the time and get maggoted.

Mick, it’s pretty bogan of me to think that all blue collar workers are bogans.

14 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I consider it a near miracle that Martin lives on the Northern Beaches and hasn’t been glassed yet.

14 08 2011
James Hunter

Martin is a member of Manly Warhingah Football Club so Martin is AOK and no bogan would dare glass him(or try)
I was at the club the night after they won a premiership round 70/71 I think. Man o man what a party, went on for a week
must admit there were a lot of bogans there too.

14 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

JH – just as well you didn’t say 73 or 78, cause then I would have been forced to glass you.

14 08 2011
martin

Ash, there’s been no shortage of meatheads wanting to fight me. But I value my teeth and nose too much.

I don’t care much for league. I go for Manly though. I hate Melbourne so hopefully Manly will smash Melbourne again in the grand final like they did a few years ago.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick’
Golfers are cool ’cause they have bigger ball bags.

14 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, your observations of golfer’s ball bags were neither sought or required.

14 08 2011
James Hunter

Herpes,
Pleas take Famciclovir, 250mg per day for ten days.

14 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, I don’t suffer the herps. If you do, though, please accept my compassion. Sadly, along with those cold sores, you’re also one of the world’s most hideous eyesores. Unluckily for you, pops, both will last forever – along with living in Lower Dogpatch, being dependent on C’link and having a room temperature IQ. Sorry to hear about it.

14 08 2011
James Hunter

/

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
I know a cardiac surgeon. Maybe he could franchise emergency cardiac services adjacent each pig fat butter batter boothery

12 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, the dude over at Dogpatch abattoirs who’s in charge of the offal hardly counts as a ‘cardiac surgeon’.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
You wont feel a thing!

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Goldie first, then the Shire. I call dibs on owning it.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

Get cracking fellas, The creed of junk food
franchises all over Australia is,
You won’t go broke selling munchies to bogans & stoners.

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Well have to talk to the guvmint first. Get a promise that there won’t be a deep fried butter and pig fat tax in the offing.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

Luckily its a carbon tax & not a methane tax.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Was that “”Get the crackling,fellas” ?

12 08 2011
martin

I reckon it’d have to be in a low socio-economic area where people have all but given up. The bogans in the shire still have some self respect health wise. I reckon Penriff would be good.

Deep fried sheep’s balls for the fun factor.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Green Valley, even better then Penriff

deep fried sheeps balls good even more maxtreem is raw sheeps eyes in a glass with a raw egg. Oh and salt and pepper.

12 08 2011
martin

I take it that’s entree for you James. What’s the main course? Haggis? You salivate over that scene in the 2nd Indiana Jones movie I’ll bet.

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Yep the haggis is fine but dont waste the scotch by putting it on the haggis. any scots that i know drink it; straight up too.

12 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, Whoa, James Hunter, necking ‘straight scotch’, eh? In that case you and Ball Bag Like Turnip ought to start your own 12-Step meeting. G’awn, pops! I mean, it’s what all the acute and intense neurotics are doing these days. No need to be an actual (read, real) alcoholic. Mostly, it’s socially beneficial if you’re not. I suggest you check out a few in that trio of horror suburbs where kicks for hicks abound: Mosman, Neutral Bay & Cremorne.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Hmmm by that definition, Dusty Springfield and Elvis Presley were both bogans. So, considering they are both giants of 20th century culture, remind me, who are you again Martin??

13 08 2011
Zee

Wow. Sounds like they’re running out of things to deep fry.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Here is a Friday song for y’all.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Try again

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*glasses embedding gremlin*

12 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’m gonna be partyin’, partyin’, woo!

(By that I mean doing absolutely nothing).

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Here you go Simon, the ultimate glassin’ song.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

Was that the birth of death metal?

12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

I certainly hope so.

Perhaps someone could sneak in a reference on Wikipedia and make it official.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That was awesome Mick, bit of agent 99 action!

12 08 2011
James Hunter

agent oragne

12 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, that’s either an attempt at spelling orange or you’ve become a little more ambitious than usual and had a crack at Orangutan.

12 08 2011
martin

So who’s still watching Crownies? I gave up on it after a couple of episodes. Funny how it’s got that lawyer cum lingerie model thing to sell it. That really hot blonde one, the one banging the trust fund bogan, is about 22 in real life. Not really enough time to become a lawyer.

Although I do like the guy with the foppish hair cut, everyone else is a bit of a bogan and looks like they’re straight off the Home & Away set.

Shame on you ABC for being so bogan.

12 08 2011
martin

ABC would have been better off with “Q&A – Maxxtreme Libtard” version.

Hosted by that guy who’s the CEO of Leo Burnett and is on Gruen Transfer.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You watch that stuff Martin? F^ck you.

I won’t watch Q&A either. All these libtards pretending they are asking questions when all they want is to get their diatribe onto national TV, awful.

Gruen is gold though.

12 08 2011
martin

Yeah they’re pretty annoying, they think they’re pretty profound. There’s seriously a lot of people lying about their lack of eye sight with the amount of buddy holly glasses out there.

I think they should have more bogans on it. But asking about really selfish things like asking for beer and Woodys to be cheaper and if not calling the polis a carnt.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, anyone in Buddy Holly Glasses like the smell of their own farts.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
12 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Life is funny, isn’t it?

Here we all were hoping the pig and the frog would get it on, yet we have a bogan outrage about a couple of men cuddling up.

12 08 2011
martin

I don’t care about gay marriage. Well they can have kids so just f#cken let em get married.

As for violating Sesame Street. No. Bert & Ernie are not f@gs and kids can learn about gayness later on in life.

Next thing you know libtards will be having their influence at the foetal level.

13 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

An’ then we’ll be rooned.

13 08 2011
martin

Yes well I’m not convinced that the bogan’s current state isn’t because of the large amount of libtard influence that we’ve had over the last couple of decades. Probably a bit of both libtard and psycho neo liberalness.

Most of the bogans I went to school with were stupendous dickheads, and still are as far as I know. But they never called their kids Kayden or wore Ed Hardy.

12 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2011/08/name-those-bags/

Bert and Ernie in their nightclub years!

12 08 2011
Pandabater

This whole Bert & Ernie shit is a giant troll.

12 08 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

Yep been dragged to theatre restaurants in two different cities, two different companies, ten years apart but it may as well have been exactly the same show. Same lame gags, same 15 minute cocktail sales pitch before dinner and some of the same people, just 10 years older and 10 years more depressed.

One nugget of gold was, while pointing to brown or yellow people and asking where they were from, before throwing out the generic racist remarks, much to the cackling of the bogans “classic, comedy gold”, the host pointed to the girl next to me with, “where you from honey?”

“I’m Aboriginal!” she replied.

Absolute silence. No idea where to go next.

“You must have an aboriginal joke?” she asked.

“how about those Kiwis huh? Always shaggin me sheep….”

Cackling resumes.

Just embarrassing to watch. I gave him the forehead Loser signal next time he looked over and he nearly lost his shit.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

That’s why they should always carry a rubber chicken.
Or a giant penis replica.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

By the way,
I AM NOT GAY

12 08 2011
James Hunter

Pandabeater,
Make sure you use the rubber on the chicken especially if you are chicken !
Now Panda,
Just because you are not gay dont be so down in the mouth .
It is nothing to be ashamed about.
There are lots of people out there who are not gayThey just not very happy about it.

12 08 2011
Pandabater

I’m not gay & neither is my wife.

*In Monty Python voice*

16 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s ok Panda, your amoungst friends, we don’t judge you.

12 08 2011
martin

That’s a classic older yuppy bogan thing I reckon. They put a more vaudevillian and theatrical twist on the same lame dick jokes and they think it’s funny.

12 08 2011
p'bee

snippet of a conversation i overheard yesterday, one uni student talking to another as i walked past:

‘yeah well when i’m 50 i’ll marry a 21 year old because i’ll be rich by then…’

i didn’t hear what came before or after, but i had to try pretty hard not to start laughing at that.

13 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Farken Holistic Beauty Therapist graduates…

Get all the perks.

24 10 2011
Jesse

P’bee are you a woman or a man? Was the uni student you overheard a man or a woman and was their invisaged spouse a man or a woman??

I wanna know because this conversation is intriguing and if the student was a young woman, she can marry me when she’s older. I am happy to be her hot young husband!!

24 10 2011
p'bee

the students i overheard were both male.

24 10 2011
Jesse

yikes forget that then

12 08 2011
Pandabater

Just watching Michael Jennings doing a lap of Panthers Stadium handing out excuses.

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Ah, the Penriff Panfas.

The motto of all die-hard long suffering Sharkies fans like my good self – we may suck, we may be broke and we may die never seeing a title but at least we’re not Penriff.

13 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Word.

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Got booted out of Penriff Stadium a few years back for singing a song to that effect with the boys very loudly.

Probably for our own safety more than anything. Anyone calls Sharkies fans bogans, they need to visit a Panfas game. You witness the whole stripe of boganity there, from the feral OSBs to Urban’s Bogue and Boguette. At least we’re just racist.

13 08 2011
urbanreverie

And what uniform are the Panfers wearing this week, Ash? Christ almighty, that team changes their colours more often than traffic lights. They’ve been brown, blue, white, black, rainbow coloured – point to any part of the visible portion of the electromagnetic spectrum, and you can bet that it’s been part of their strip at one time or another.

Anyway I’m glad that my beloved Tigers thrashed them this round. At Penriff’s home ground too. 🙂 I bet Bogue let out a particularly long “Urghgurhghgurhgkurrurugkukgugkurrrghnt!” last night. 😉

14 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Indeed. Bogue would have been doing that a lot lately.

14 08 2011
martin

Manly fans don’t need to be racist because we don’t have a train line and immigrants usually don’t want to live here because travelling anywhere outside the northern beaches is a carnt.

14 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Stupid Cronulla train line. We get all the bogans, wogs, Lebs, p00fs and other assorted pieces of feces coming to OUR beach.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Used to live just over the bridge near the start of Wakehurst Parkway in the late 60s/early seventies.before the Wharingah Express way. worked at Glebe one hour 20 by car add 15 by bus 35 min door to door on a motor bike.. Dont know but with Spit bridge still a choke point cant immagine it any better? Govts talked for years about a northern beaches rail way but doubt if any of us will ever see it.
Maybe we could ask Herpes ? he has answeres for everything

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#6969 – Rugby League

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Those who live in AFL houses ……….. !

15 08 2011
martin

Yeah. They both like to get their dongers out in front of each other. Maybe that could be TBL #6970.

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Certainly we are due an entry, any entry, but group nudity is a bogan love.

AFL is pretty bogan, but in the shade of the boganity of League.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Too true but wait theres more, Soccer (or real Football) is making a break for the front and a real spurt of speed and fancy footwork may yet see it reach the front in the Bogan Stakes.

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Maybe JH, but soccer is so boring I just don’t care.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,Ture but Soccer put on better riots !

16 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I agree with you there Simon. Soccer is for p00fs and wogs. AFL is just for teh gayz.

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

#15376 = AFL. Consider the square root of the number.

23 08 2011
moar caek

hey…

15 08 2011
martin

There was a bit about it not long ago, it takes an hour from Manly to Wynyard, and Manly is at the bottom of the northern beaches. They’ve been talking about radically changing the buses somehow, and the Liberal government *seems* pretty comitted to the North West train line which will take some pressure off but it hasn’t started yet.

Thanks to this countries boganomics we’ve been swimming in money for 10-15 years and we have next to no infrastructure for it. We spent it on bidding up the prices of houses so now our private debt is more than our GDP at about 1.2 trillion.

I’m not sure the public sector can handle transport, maybe we should just hand it over to the private sector, it might cost 10 bucks each way but at least it’d be there. But then again look at the m2 which is privately owned and it’s a carpark every morning.

I’ve got the answer, the Stable Population Party and big businesss can go f@ck themselves.

So you lived in Seaforth and it took an hour 20 to Glebe? Doesn’t sound right, but maybe the roads were a lot different then.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
At the Narrabeen end of Wakehurst Parkway , last street on the lh side used to be some tenis courts there and on the rh side was the youth recreational area.

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Who’s got the money to spend on infrastructure when there’s breeding bonuses to be paid?

15 08 2011
martin

Or for bailing out banks.

Not that we’ve done that, yet.

See, I am a bit of a libtard as well.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash, The world is Farrrrrked. we should nbot pay breading bonuses and we should mix some human sterilising compound into all the food aid that goes to the horn of Africa. maybe double dose to be sure to be sure.
Otherwise by the time they have their next drought of famin there will be three times as many to feed and the developed countriees will all end up bust trying to feed indescriminate breeders.

15 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, as Lou Reed wrote in Sweet Jane:
“And there’s even some evil mothers
Well they’re gonna tell you that everything is just dirt.”
And re. gene pools: the faster we breed out your contribution to the effluent the far better off we’ll all be. Sorry, pops! Sorry to hear about it…

24 10 2011
Jesse

If an Australian pays aid to a person who lives in the Horn of Africa, what makes you so sure that you are more entitled to be educated, breed, be sheltered etc than she or he is?? Didn’t you only come by this wealth because you had the luck to be born in a first world country??

24 10 2011
Jesse

Baby bonus payments reimburse parents less that .05 % of the cost of raising a child

24 10 2011
Jesse

Manly fans don’t need to be racist because everyone who lives on Northern Beaches is SuperWhite so they need never encounter any other cultures…..except at a match

13 08 2011
urbanreverie

And, it’s a little bit late because of all the shift work I’ve been doing, but I am pleased to present to you the latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

You can read it here:

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/episode-30-servo/

And this week’s episode is based on real-life experiences in my work at a service station. Of course all these things have never happened all at once, but they have all happened with various bogans, exactly as I have described.

13 08 2011
martin

“I’ve only got enough left on me Visa to pay for Aiden, Braiden, Jaiden and Kaiden’s monthly Ritalin prescriptions! ”

Haha, love it.

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Nice, Urban, but flawed.

White people don’t run servos any more. It should have been some variety of immigrant.

13 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Most of the “National” “Independent” servos round here are owned and run by Indians.
Makes me think of the year I spent in Malaysia .
Us “round eyes” used to say that in Malaysia businesses were owned by the Chinese, run by Indians and the Malays had the Malay Malaise.

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Right on JH. I always try to speak Tamil to any Indian servo attendants I find, if they don’t know what I’m saying I call them carnts and be done with it.

13 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, your year-long debauchery of sex with the gender reassigned paid for companions of the Strait of Malacca interests me little. Although I am somewhat amused to learn how the afore mentioned providers of negotiable affection christened you the Malaka Straight. As for your transparent attempts at creating the illusion of a well traveled urbane and sophisticated type: Bottom line, pops, you’re South Australian born’n’bred (that last bit figuratively so). Then, a quick whistle-stop tour of the Eastern seaboard taking in the Ghettos Dapto, Maitland, Surry Hills and Newtown before finally washing-up amongst the flotsam and jetsam of Lower Dogpatch, where you eke out a frugal existence thanks largely to the good tax payers of Australia (of which I am most certainly one of the goodliest). Remember, pops, respect your employer.

13 08 2011
James Hunter

0/100 Fail

13 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, your status as Pagan-in-residence at the 9 Circles of Hell aside, please give us less of your circle-jerk (of 1) adjudicating.

13 08 2011
James Hunter

/100 Fail

13 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, yawn…

13 08 2011
James Hunter

.

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Honestly, JH – where does Petey come up with his shit?

I almost want to applaud him sometimes for the sheer lunacy of his posts.

13 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Maybe Herpes would be a good name for him ?
Something nasty that you never get rid of ?

13 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Can’t argue with that.

13 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
thus it was spoken and thus it shall be done.
Appologies to Caesar

14 08 2011
martin

Well to his credit he’s not very bogan. Bogans put shit on tall poppies or weak people who can’t defend themselves.

I don’t read his stuff, it’s usually just “blah blah dogpatch blah blah blah”.

14 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, it appears I’m somewhat of a magnet for your derro mates. Quick! Let’s break out the Holiday 50s, remove our sheepskin jackets, toss an Aldi 100% beef pattie on the barbie, rip the ring pull off a tinny and hold forth with several strong (albeit wrong) opinions while we move through the 5 stages of grief with TBL’s favourite eunuch, James Hunter. Sorry to hear about it, pops,

14 08 2011
James Hunter

Herpes,
you are wrong in every detail about myself and certainly details of any others that you gain gratification from taunting.
However that your mouthings do not anger any of us but at the most give rise to compassion for you and sympathy for those in closer proximity to you is not very gratifying at all.

We cannot help you find emotional and intellectual fullfilment through appretiation of your banallity.

You realy need to find someother interest in life and persue it with the same vigour.

Do not dispair there must be something you can succeed at.

14 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

JH – I know you wanna get rid of it, but don’t you think yr being a little optimistic when you claim there’s something he could succeed at?

14 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
bugger

17 08 2011
James Hunter

Herpes,
remember”When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretenf to be sane.”(Herman Hesse)
Degree of dificulty (for you) 9

18 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, “When reading a James Hunter post, try descrambling it with CodeBreaker programme #2l.5” – (Peter Thornton)

18 08 2011
James Hunter

So Herpes,
You have written a code breaking program.
That at least explains how you understand yourself.
It is thankfuylly a protection from your dribble to the rest of the world.
Jolly good old chap. 1 Koala stamp before you go home. Mumsie will be so pleased.

13 08 2011
urbanreverie

Actually Ash, I work at a servo. I based this week’s episode on real life – I will swear on a stack of Bibles that every single thing I described has happened (though not all at once). I even cast myself in this week’s episode (though I changed my name).

I know a lot of servos have a predominantly Indian workforce, more the independents and the 7/11s. But not all of them. I work for a company-owned outlet owned by one of the Big Three. Out of a workforce of seven, there are four white Aussies, a middle-aged white Kiwi lady, a Gujarati housewife and an African uni student. Our manager is a white Aussie as is the area manager.

13 08 2011
martin

Are they working up to manning the supermarkets and fast food places? Or rather they’re just not as good with their manners as is the Asian people so prefer to man the dirty servos. There’s some pakis running my local and they were rude to me at first but now I think they respect me because they now know I’m not a bogan. Well not a complete one.

The guy in urban’s story reminds me of the sort of world of warcraft nerd but too lazy to get a real job type who often end up working in such humiliating jobs. I don’t think he’s that far off.

13 08 2011
urbanreverie

No. I’ve never played World of Warcraft in my life. And I’m not lazy, I’m a student who works his arse off and gets some bloody good grades but needs to eat and pay the rent until I graduate in a year’s time. Three of us there are students, actually. It’s the kind of job which attracts students because the hours are flexible, and the bosses don’t mind hiring students because they’re willing to work weekends and nights which most people aren’t.

14 08 2011
martin

It just reminded me of this guy I used to work with at a shitty job I had. A bit like the comic book guy in the Simpsons.

13 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

For realz.

14 08 2011
James Hunter

Of topic but topical nonetheless:
The “Enoch Powell” speach known as the “Rivers of Blood” speach makes interesting reading (or reareading) in the light of the UK riots.
Also in regard of the evidence that “Multiculturalism is failing in this country.
I have always believed in integration as the sensible alternative.

15 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, there’s a limit to the amount of altruism that a bit of middle-class guilt can induce. It always amuses me when imbeciles attempt punching above their weight. In this case, pops, ‘weight’ is defined as intellect, not the protuberance of great slabs of fat that blind Freddy couldn’t miss seeing on you.

15 08 2011
James Hunter

taskes one to know one,but guess you would know that

24 10 2011
Jesse

What steps have you taken to become integrated??

15 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Question time.

Reading through the comments section of that story about that steroid junkie who fried himself, I noticed lots of his supporters finished with ‘haters gonna hate’. Is this the new way to dismiss an argument without actually debating the point?

I thought it was always ‘whatever’.

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chicks say whatever Mick,

Douche muscle heads say haters gonna hate. Then they don’t need to justify their deeds.

15 08 2011
martin

Yeah and ‘don’t hate the player hate the game’. Completely absolves them from any responsibility for being a human being.

15 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Okay.

I want it put on public record that I think anyone who says ‘haters gonna hate’ should be slapped for being stupid.

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Slapping is to good for them Mick. They should be forced into #124 with Richard Wilkins until they repent and apologise.

The other thing these dipsticks seem to like is mirin and being aesthetic. F!ckwads.

15 08 2011
martin

They should be put into a gulag to put those muscles to a good use rather than for intimidation and garish vanity.

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

No point Martin. Those kind of muscles are for show, nothing else. Most guys who look like they’ve got massive six packs don’t actually have any real core strength. Try punching one in the guts sometime and see how they react.

15 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Word.

Whenever a boxer sees a huge chest overhang a six pack he knows it is time for body blows. No substance in the guts. Should be very little difference.

The ones who are built like that end up in UFC where speed and staying power isn’t important.

16 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Learnt that when we started doing boxing training for footy. One of our guys had been doing the bodybuilding thing for a few years (no roids to my knowledge) and had the Baywatch eight pack and all, but couldn’t take a punch in the guts. I could handle more than he could and I’ve never been anyone’s definition of ripped.

16 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Great fun is watching two over-developed, top-heavy bogans going the biff. They’ll throw slow, heavy punches at the opposite head for hours…much to the amusement of all.

One gut shot would end it all.

16 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Certainly head shots are going to do no damage, just a dull thunking noise.

16 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

There’s a reason the glass is the nouveau-bogue weapon of choice.

17 08 2011
peterofkensington

This is amazing. Tyson, Jones Jr, Sugar Shane, almost every black boxer ever has a crucial weakness! Why didn’t anybody go to the body? Their defined abs and developed chest were a dead giveaway!

You don’t know much about boxing do you?

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

But if you dare to suggest that there may be the teensiest thing ghey with that (even when strongly qualified with a not that there’s anything wrong with that)…

17 08 2011
peterofkensington

What a surprise the TBL e-crew don’t agree with a phrase/meme that marginalises their meaningless criticisms.

Do you really not understand the message that there will always be negative/jealous people who try to bring you down, so just ignore them and do what makes you happy? Or is that a message you disagree with?

15 08 2011
p'bee

haters gonna hate is just the adult (in age but not mentality) version of ‘i know you are but what am i?’

15 08 2011
Whistling Nixie

“Haters gonna hate” is ghetto-speak. It’d be interesting to see how long the morons using it would last in South-Central or Brown Sub.

15 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

They would be wearing the brown undies Nixie.

Their muscles don’t intimidate me Martin, those big hulks would never be able to catch me!

15 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

We used to get ring-ins every now and then who wanted to train with us. The steroid muscle blokes would last five minutes and they’d be throwing their rings up. No core strength or fitness.

The bouncers were the best. Get in a stoush with one of them and you would have time to hit them, run around the block and hit them from behind before they could lift their arms.

big and fit for nothing.

15 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Interesting. The first and last time I heard “Haters Gonna Hate” was earlier this year in reference to LeBron James’ and Dwyane Wade’s flashy, star-studded, unbackable title favourite Miami Heat… and look what happened to those unfortunate bastards.

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

If more bogans knew who LeBiatch was, they would probably love him.

15 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Poor old LeBiatch. Just didn’t quite work out for the Chosen One, did it…

Still, pretty ordinary move with that lairy “The Decision” TV show and all.

Hope my man Dwight Howard doesn’t go down the same path and search for that readymade championship in LA. Farken Lakers. They looove grabbing all-time great centres from other teams… Wilt, Kareem, Shaq… Just think if they had’ve got hold of Bill Russell in his heyday…

Don’t do it Dwight…

I’m sure you’re reading.

15 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Nah, he’s going to go up to the Joizy/Brooklyn Nets under the yoke of the Mad Russian.

16 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Man, heard it all in the past few months… Joizy for Lopez, a coupla reserves and draft picks… Chicago for Noah, Boozer, Gibson… Bawston for Davis, Krstic, Wafer, Jermaine O’Neal… even a straight swap to Miami for James and a tasty deal where Dwight’d be playing alongside Chris Paul. Think he’d look good in green taking some the scoring load from the Big Three, receiving delicious dishes from Rondo… but D12 w/ CP3? Fark yeah.

Still, if those spoiled little bitch Lakers get him for body-slammin’ Bynum and Pau Outta Gas-ol, dammit, that’s no good.

And that’s it from the sports desk.

Love a nice li’l NBA thread that bears zero relevance to the subject of, uh, what was it? *Scrolls up* Oh yeah, theatre restaurants. *Glasses self*

Just to kick home the extraneous nature of this comment, here’s a funny li’l skit for NBA fans…

16 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey TBL,

We need a new post, the nerds are talking about Basketball!

16 08 2011
Pandabater

Hey TBL we need a new post,
that girl on the front is starting
to look hot!

16 08 2011
martin

Yeah I’d like a new post. Maybe we should start paying them.

Please TBL.

I’d give it to the girl, nice boobs. But the guy with the horns looks like a creep.

15 08 2011
Dwight Howard

Alright mate.

15 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Thanks dude.

16 08 2011
Pandabater

OK so it’s $1800.00 – $3000.00 to see The Trump.
I wouldn’t spend $5.00 to hear from that bloated windbag
but what about The Bogan?

16 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’d pay $8.35 (the current contents of my wallet).

But only to verify if his hair is real.

And some bogues will pony up. The love the Donald. When I got back from NY all they wanted to know was if I’d seen Trump Tower.

Not the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State, not even the farkin 30 Rock building which lent its name to a TV show that they love.

Just Trump Tower. And the gold shite.

Farkin bogans. Glass em all, I say.

16 08 2011
martin

30 Rock is a bogan show? I don’t think so. There’s too many little jokes that are political in nature and require a knowledge of the world outside of sport, holdens, investment properties and anal. Like there was one the other day mentioning the Huffington Post. An American libtard website.

I think Trump could possibly be the world’s biggest wanker. His dad made the first million and he road on his dad’s coat tails. Plus it’s real estate, which any f#ckwit with half a brain can become successful in if they have a spine removal operation.

16 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Fret not. We’ll get a free insight into the mind of The Don come his Inaugural Presidential Address next year. Can’t wait to see him lead with a cheeky “You’re fired” for Obama.

I believe in you, The Don… with that creationist, founding-father-revisionist coquette Michele Bachmann as yer spunky sidekick… bikini-clad, if possible… mit li’l stars and stripes on… automatic weapon in hand… mit ammo belt seductively draped over shoulder a la John Rambo, or the Chicks Who Love Guns in Jackie Brown…

Yup, that Bachmann can religiously educate me anytime. Sure, she reckons the founding fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery, but I’ll be her captive in le boudoir… even though the French are a bunch of namby-pamby, freedom-hating mime artists.

And if she’s unavailable or married or a farken Mormon or farken a Mormon or some shit, I’ll happily go with the girl in the theatre restaurant photo.

16 08 2011
martin

Trump wants to start WW3 so I hear. Such a hard man, getting the hapless poor murdered.

F#ck, it’s probably not entirely out of the question either given the precarious state of the US’s finances and how retarded the average voter is.

17 08 2011
Whistling Nixie

The companies will be very pleased…

17 08 2011
martin

Cool song man. I’ve never heard any Dead Kennedys before. Now I know why. Bogans might become knowledgable.

17 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Too Trump to F#ck.

Think Jello’s coming Down Under… again…

Perhaps concerned about California’s debt crisis…

17 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hope he plays Holiday in Trumptopia.

17 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

The Don’s a hardliner alright. I believe his answer to the complex problems in Iraq is, to paraphrase a bumper sticker on Nelson Muntz’s bedroom wall, “Nuke ’em and take their oil”…

…Or was that Libya?

…Maybe Syria?

…Or Iran?

Farken, whatever, that’s just a window into The Don’s maxxtreme international diplomacy skillz. And with the Missionary Bachmann on board to teach the depleted A-rabs ’bout Christianity when the Crusades Mk II come to a bloody end, all will be well.

Trump’s Final Solution.

Forget a phonebook-thick Breivik-esque manifesto; The Don’s plan for world domination can be comfortably printed on a postage stamp. And in some southern states, it is.

17 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I try to avoid watching the USA election stuff coz I don’t really need to increase my wine consumption. But the snippets I do see are downright scary. Give me Julia and Tony any day.

On the stamp is a tank in the desert with a speech bubble saying “yeehaa”.

17 08 2011
James Hunter

S&S,
USA and Russia have enough nukes to do the lot of em. maybe all those festoring sores in Africa up around the Gulf of Aden there the Pirates hang out>
Take a couple of tenths of a second worlf free of a lot of shit.

Then just (my constant bitch) put a steriliser in the food aid to the places with huge populations and endemic famin.
“you want our food so you dont starve well here it is come eat up right hearthy me loveleys.
That solves the other great problem.
So nowz you amd me is dictators of the worldz whaca gonna do wif it?
Hope it is not to let the capitalists /big business try to run it on a constant increase in demamd and profits model again . Then all that effort and we still gonna get farrrrrked.

17 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Just cause 30 Rock isn’t targeted at bogans doesn’t mean they don’t like it. Not on the level of Two and a Half Men, true, but they still like it.

Trump’s greatest gift is convincing enough people he is God’s gift to humanity. He’s like the O.B. (Original Bogan).

17 08 2011
Son of Duane

I have never heard of a bogan who likes 30 Rock. If that were true, Seven wouldn’t need to air it on at 11:30 in the evening.

17 08 2011
Mick

Bogans watch it because they think it stars the hot chick who ran for president.

17 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And she shoots Moose.

Plus bogans love Alec Baldwin.

17 08 2011
James Hunter

She looks like a .338 Winchester Magnum lady.
You salute and say “Yes Mame” immediately .

17 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Trump’s more like the original ODB. His besieged PR department’s still working overtime on this one…

http://www.theonion.com/articles/trump-unable-to-produce-certificate-proving-hes-no,20250/

18 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

What is a bogan but the Australian douchebag?

17 08 2011
James Hunter

Dons sopnsored by Ashley and Martin

17 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda , He is sick making enough on the screen wouldnt be gme to watch in real life bound to end up traumatised

18 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, Vom!

18 08 2011
Pandabater

Car Sticker Spot.

Seen on VR/VS Conformadoor.

“This car was built by spanners, not chopsticks”

I have bad news for you OSB, your car was built by
Asians, Arabs & women. The 3 things you respect most.

18 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Ni-ice.

Update on “Little Miss Doof-Doof”‘s car mit Southern Cross sticker/car seat covers:

Also has a tasteful dreamcatcher/fluffy dice combo hanging from the rear view. Must’ve dreamed of fluffy dice. Only thing missing’s a Buddha bobblehead, mit a Power Balance band around its neck for maxxtreme karma, on the dash…

I’m betting her firstborn’s name is Dash, spelled -.

18 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’d show her some doof-doof 😉

I bet she has a -yn.

18 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey all, I’m off on my holiday
#275 – Going to Europe
Maybe we will have a new post by the time I return.

18 08 2011
martin

Have fun Simon. I reckon this might be the last post. I reckon TBL might be having a go at us. As in we’re the freaks in the theatre.

18 08 2011
Pandabater

Boxing Kangaroo flag attached to backpack I hope Simon.
Happy Trails. 🙂

18 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I have that same foreboding feeling. Enjoy Europe.

I’m just glad I went when I was young enough to take in all the sights, both old and young 🙂

18 08 2011
Mick

Yes, TBL may be another thing that I’ve hung on to for too long.

It’s gone, sadly like my mullet did. And my stonewash jeans. Also my Holden ute. Alcoholism seems to be passe as well.

Probably best I spend more time with Candidate #17.

18 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
Maybe the lack of comments to your remark is in itself a summation of a lessening of interest.
Still the articles still hold a reasonable audience for a few days. True the total number of contributors is less and the attention they pay is less .At least I think so be cause they respond more slowley so unless old age is taking them off they are checking the site less frequently.
thre are some like chubby/moarcael, Simon, Martin yourself who have stuck with it. Some new faces that provide value like sparce and spurious and one like Peter Thornton who are forever persistant with constant supplies of material suitable for organic farming..I do miss Pinky (I still think of her every time I write Bahahahahaha) and of course Fiona of Toorak who must have found some form of trivial pussuit that is not so trivial.(Or maybe moreso ?)
I do wish the boys well with their next book .
Maybe what they need is for each of us to supply two new topics or maybe topics of a new common thread.
1001 ways for a Bogan Politition to improve The city,the state and the country.
There you are TBL 1001 threads call em in !

18 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you’re not Nero and this fiery emergency you grandiosely though ignorantly bang on about does not mark the death knell of TBL, pops. So put down your lyre (you couldn’t play it anyway; it was merely for show) and retire as the self-appointed collective intelligence. While you at it, I suggest you desist in your feeble aims for a higher ethical standard, too. While I believe subjectivity can be a route to knowledge and understanding; said route is not a few kliks off the Pacific Highway, just past the Charlestown turnoff. That place, James Hunter, is where you really ought to pluck your strings, that place, James Hunter is where the Dark Ages exist. Yes, Lower Dogpatch, James Hunter. Correct!

18 08 2011
James Hunter

Herpes,
One thing is you are reliable. whenever I bring bread fo a sandwich you bring shit for filling.
Whatever suits your taste I suppose.

18 08 2011
Mick

You two aren’t helping.

18 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, although it’s a horrible vision, I just imagined you on the dating circuit (circa 197… Well, sometime during the middle of last Century). Anyway, when your mates could no longer stand your whiney, needy ways, despite the fact that you always went on the beer run, you decided to go on the prowl. Below is a brief though incomplete list of some of your more common mistakes. Mistakes, James Hunter, that you’d still probably make today. Providing you didn’t go tacking your wedding tackle onto a piece of 4X2.
1. You refused to play mind games (big mistake).
2. You told ’em how you feel far too soon (like, who the fuck cares how YOU feel)!
3. You talked to her mom several times a day (now that’s just creepy).
4. You continued to contact ’em after they stood you up four times (tip: If there’s any standing up to be done, James Hunter, YOU DO IT!
5. You suggested “let’s take things slow… sexually” (man-up, puleese)
6. You listened to what they had to say and actually references it in later conversations. Eww, James Hunter. That’s foul.
7. You became the friend who went on beer runs – again – full circle, Jim – not Morrison – Hunter.

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

It happens, bro. Only appropriate way from here is a proper bogan funeral.

I’ll supply the Woodies.

19 08 2011
martin

We could all meet up, do a bus tour of the McMansions out in the West of Sydney, hurling abuse out the windows and shouting out ‘f#ck off we’re full’, then head to one of the local pubs, and I vote for Peter Thornton to volunteer himself for a ceremonial glassing.

It’s kind of a crap post to end on though TBL. Something a bit lighter, and closer to the truth would be better. I mean who the f#ck ever goes to a theatre restaurant.

19 08 2011
Mick

Maybe the TBL crew did go to a theatre restaurant and were so appalled they glassed themselves to death.

18 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Have fun and beware of ; Aus farts in Germany , Norweigians dressed as Policemen , French roundabouts,and Italians in motor cars.Sure we will all miss you.

19 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, further to my (awaiting moderation) above comment re. your dating life, which I’ve thoughtfully c’n’p’d below”

“(Oh, James Hunter), sic – although it’s a horrible vision, I just imagined you on the dating circuit (circa 197… Well, sometime during the middle of last Century). Anyway, when your mates could no longer stand your whiney, needy ways, despite the fact that you always went on the beer run, you decided to go on the prowl. Below is a brief though incomplete list of some of your more common mistakes. Mistakes, James Hunter, that you’d still probably make today. Providing you didn’t go tacking your wedding tackle onto a piece of 4X2.
1. You refused to play mind games (big mistake).
2. You told ‘em how you feel far too soon (like, who cares how YOU feel)!
3. You talked to her mom several times a day (you may as well not pay the bill when it comes, Po’ Boy, ’cause she’ll think you’re a cheap arse).
4. You continued to contact ‘em after they stood you up four times (tip: If there’s any standing up to be done, James Hunter, YOU DO IT!)
5. You suggested “let’s take things slow… sexually” (man-up, puleese)
6. You listened to what they had to say and actually references it in later conversations. (Eww, James Hunter, awkward).
7. You became the friend who went on beer runs – again (full circle, [you’re] Jim – not Morrison – but Hunter; if in doubt, remember the full length mirror.)
You see when I go on dates, pops, girls tell me they’d love to see me again. Why wouldn’t they? I’d date myself if you could!
So don’t go telling her she’s “beautiful”, unless you want a farewell kiss on the cheek before she splits to club with her besties and (quite possibly) a stand-by date.
Act like a bit of an arsehole and gives off the vibe that you might not call her, and I assure you she’ll immediately make moves to prolong the date. Then, as you walk her to her car or cab, remain unsentimental but invite her to go to (another) bar or chill at your place. This is usually followed by a lengthy makeout sesh, after which you send her home where she’ll await your call 1-3 days later. The more unsure she is of your impending call, the hotter she gets and the more she builds up a relationship in her head. Namely, envisioning drama and hot makeup sex.

23 08 2011
moar caek

ah simon, there you are.
I was listening to this the other day and thought it would sound excellent on headphones if I was cycling through the french alps:

let me know how it goes.
you could probably down load it here:Mental as anything – Berserk warriors.mpg

if you think it’s ok to download shitty low bitrate media with the end chopped off which robs artists of their legitimate income.

hopefully this song will remind you of a time when it was still cool to be proud of being an aussie.

I rode my bicycle to the shops this morning. now my legs are killing me.
you are completely insane.
and beautiful

18 08 2011
Maddox

Fear not – the loss of commentators isn’t due to lack of interest for the TBL entries. I would wager the pool of commentators has started to contract because this has started to sound more and more like a private club. JH and PT flame warring, the multitudes of in-jokes and even the trolling by FoT or Pete of Kensington isn’t what it was.
Lurkers still lurk.
Just fewer are willing to comment and intrude on Club TBL

23 08 2011
moar caek

yes.
sorry I had a free one month eckse bokse trial.
what?
where’s simon?
what in jokes? I don’t get it.
Nurse!?

24 10 2011
Jesse

I dunno: I wonder whether only young, single hetero males contribute to this website. I don’t see may responses from women!

I am a middle-aged hetero man but I notive that there are only five or six main contributers (all blokes) Simon, Martin, Ash etc. You guys all seem to be flirting with each other

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That’s coz we are all ghey hipsters, although we suspect Ash is a female troll.

24 10 2011
Pandabater

Some are ghey, some are grey.

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How’s the circle jerking coming along black and white bear?

24 10 2011
Pandabater

*pant pant pant pant pant*

Good

*pant pant pant pant pant*

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Noice,

*weneedanewpost*

24 10 2011
Pandabater

I would have thought that if there is a book coming out there would be more activity.

*yesweneedanewpost*

2 10 2012
Ro

Went to Hunchbax in Melbourne for a friend’s birthday a few years ago. We thought it would be fun in a tacky, even ironic, kinda way. It wasn’t! We regretted going as soon as we arrived when the waitress told us one of the options for dinner was the “chicken tit” (chicken breast). One of the male tempters from (Australian) Temptation Island was staring. It was a Harry Potter parody. Hemoine was called Whore-Moan-e. Hedwig was Headjob. And Ron was Rim. I probably would have laughed for the first ten minutes had I been a 12 year old boy. However as a 30 year old man, I faked a sickie and went home early.

9 01 2013
Doctor Jeckyl

The words of a bitter uni drop out with no more acting skill than Kirsten Stewart

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