Absenteeism

5 08 2011

Hello, gentle readers,

Chas here, on behalf of the TBL team. I feel as though we owe you all an apology for our sloppy output of late. One post a week – many of which are older posts that we’ve kept in reserve – is a pretty poor workrate, but allow me to explain. We’re currently neck-deep in a metric fuckton(ne) of editing for book #2 (due in October/November), which is ace fun, but we’re also scattered across four continents and five timezones, making co-ordination and collaborative lulz max hard to achieve.

So, please accept my sincere apologies for being so slow. To prove it, I’m going to write a fresh post over the weekend, and whack it up on Monday. Also, hopefully, we’ll be back to Macrobusiness next week. In the meantime, here’s the best thing I’ve seen this week, in honour of the new Planet of the Apes prequel.

Cheers

E. Chas McSween, Esq.


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79 responses

5 08 2011
Pandabater

Shazam!

That was epic fast, PB. TBL

5 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

TBL #1854. Excuses Following An Apology.

A favoutite bogan trait, that one. Just another way of avoiding self-responsibility.

Homer Simpson. “I’m sorry Lisa, I never apologise. It’s just the way I am.”

5 08 2011
James Hunter

Is this about absenteeism of TBL or Pete ? Looking at the photo I am fairly confident it is not TBL !

6 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, so long as you keep enlightening us with your dispatches from Lower Dogpatch, and its somnambulistic surroundings, Things James Hunter Likes should remain readable.

5 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We forgive celebrities.

10 08 2011
Shirley M.

Ha! Nice one Simon.

5 08 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Thanks to all on your behalf for acknowledging and apologising for the diminished output, for the reason that many of us regulars know about…we keenly await the results of your ethnoboganographic research.

I’ll be well chuffed when TBL puts out the forthcoming despatch on Boganomics: I never tire of the observations of the bogan’s novel approaches regarding matters financial and fiscal…I bet some would’ve had at least some liquid faecal matter in their Jockettes (probably more like a pair of Bonds with the waistband exposed these days) over the 4-or-so percent dive in the market today, adding to their deserved nervousness after the looming spectre of the USA going into default on their foreign loans and the global ramifications that it would have brought with it (yes, even here in sunny Straya, even with our second mining boom underway, with all its own sets of problems that it brings).

7 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Ethnoboganographic. Rolls off the tongue, Bag O’. Word’ll get around and before next week it won’t get that squiggly red underline from spellchecker. Copyright dat shit. Could be the new Truthiness™ or Bootylicious™…

Nup. They get the underline too. Farken philistines and their syntactical Nazism.

Terrible week on the markets too. The US will never default. Too proud. Too delusional. Too in bed with cunty bankers and shitty ratings agencies. And Obama will get assassinated, default or no. A successful presidency for him means getting away with his life…

And quietly, the Chinese construction boom that’s furnishing our resources boom is a phony farken commie smokescreen. Unsustainable. They’re building massive shopping malls with our shit. Massive shopping malls to boost their fragile image. Massive shopping malls that are farken deserted.

We’re farked.

Invest accordingly, kids.

You’ve been warned.

And speaking of Warnie, you seen that clown lately? Enough to give you nightmares. Or at least put you off your tea.

And that’s my two cents… Rounded down.

5 08 2011
Twiggy Forrest

Nawwww, I thought this was going to be about Bogans getting maxtreme sober (read: ruining amphetamines’ reputation for the rest of us) during Dry July!!

7 08 2011
Gina Rinehart

Wanna fark?

We’ll make a maxtreme magnate baby.

8 08 2011
Gina Rinehart

Fine.

Y’know you’re no oil painting yerself…The artist would run out of pink on account of that heat-addled head of yours, Piggy Forrest.

Booyah!

How’s Fortescue’s share price going? Awwwww, that’s no good.

Bouillabaisse!

Rinehart 1, Forrest 0.

Rinehart $10bn, Forrest $6bn.

Need a loan, you lowlife commoner?

8 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Now now, you two are working at cross purposes. Gina, we know you’re dealing with the Indians and that Andrew has a love affair with the Chinese.

It will never work.

8 08 2011
Gina Rinehart

He’s also in the midst of a hitherto unrequited love affair with that special tribe of Aboriginal folk known as the Yindjibarndi…

Or, as they’re called over at Fortescue Metals, Thoseingratebastardslivinginthemiddleofthepilbara.

But hey, I should talk. I’m crashed on the couch fishing Doritos crumbs from my cleavage, checking out David Caruso as he dramatically removes his Ray-Bans.

He will be mine.

My career’s in a state of flux, and him? Well, he recently ranked #593 in new leading man auditions for Two and a Half Men. Yup, wedged between Kathleen Turner in drag and Gary Coleman’s corpse, he was.

He will be mine.

Gina Rinehart-Caruso. Dig it.

Dig it like iron ore.

5 08 2011
urbanreverie

The TBL Boys may well be sloppy and tardy with their output in recent times (and apologies are gratefully accepted and forgiven, and we all already knew the reasons anyway), but guess what, I’m not! 🙂 And it is my pleasure to bring you this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

… which does not contain a single reference Planet Of The Apes. It does, however, contain an indepth analysis of how bogans engage in property disputes and resolve conflicts arising therefrom.

You can check it out here:

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/episode-29-stuff/

And I’d like to reassure everyone that the B&B author is indeed located on only one continent and in only one timezone.

6 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Reliable as always Urban, good work.

6 08 2011
p'bee

this all-new entry on monday better be brilliant or i’ll get tt, aca, and slater and gordon on to you.

10 08 2011
AshR- SAAB with Chevy badges

Here here…

7 08 2011
moar caek

what?
oh sorry.
I was working.
on a sunday.

7 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Love a musical post, moar.

Now have this caek and eat it too!

Their later stuff is underrated, I reckon. If this sorta thing’s yer fancy ‘n all.

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Awesome Sparse, love a bit of Fugazi. I agree about their newer stuff. The Arguement is in my top 10.

8 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Ditto.

9 08 2011
moar caek

can yez keep the noize down for farks sake!
fuggin straight edge p4n$13$

9 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Sorry Moar, ya old fart. Try this instead.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/31n-8ffVFVg” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

10 08 2011
moar caek

yeah, nice.
an underrated album, New York.
I dig it.

a song for 4am

It might be fun to have a kid that I could kick around
a little me to fill up with my thoughts
A little me or he or she to fill up with my dreams
a way of saying life is not a loss

I’d keep the tyke away from school and tutor him myself
keep him from the poison of the crowd
But then again pristine isolation might not be the best idea
it’s not good trying to immortalize yourself

Beginning of a great adventure
Beginning of a great adventure

Why stop at one, I might have ten, a regular TV brood
I’d breed a little liberal army in the wood
Just like these redneck lunatics I see at the local bar
with their tribe of mutant inbred piglets with cloven hooves

I’d teach ’em how to plant a bomb, start a fire, play guitar
and if they catch a hunter, shoot him in the nuts
I’d try to be as progressive as I could possibly be
as long as I don’t have to try too much

Beginning of a great adventure
Beginning of a great adventure

Susie, Jesus, Bogart, Sam, Leslie, Jill and Jeff
Rita, Winny, Andy, Fran and Jet
Boris, Bono, Lucy, Ethel, Bunny, Reg and Tom
that’s a lot of names to try not to forget

Carrie, Marlon, Mo and Steve, La Rue and Jerry Lee
Eggplant, Rufus, Dummy, Star and The Glob
I’d need a damn computer to keep track of all these names
I hope this baby thing don’t go too far

I hope it’s true what my wife said to me
I hope it’s true what my wife said to me, hey
I hope it’s true what my wife said to me

She says, “Baby, it’s the beginning of a great adventure”
“Babe, beginning of a great adventure”
take a look

It might be fun to have a kid that I could kick around
create in my own image like a god
I’d raise my own pallbearers to carry me to my grave
and keep me company when I’m a wizened toothless clod

Some gibbering old fool sitting all alone drooling on his shirt
some senile old fart playing in the dirt
It might be fun to have a kid I could pass something on to
something better than rage, pain, anger and hurt

I hope it’s true what my wife said to me
I hope it’s true what my wife said to me
I hope it’s true what my wife said to me
She says, “Lou, it’s the beginning of a great adventure”
“Lou, Lou, Lou, beginning of a great adventure”
She says, “babe, how you call your lover boy”
“Sylvia, quite you call your lover man”

8 08 2011
Benny Hill

Woopdy-fuckin-do

8 08 2011
Ash - Breachin' Carnts' Hulls' By Glassin' 'Em.

Hipsters. I should glass you all. (Although I love me some Fugazi).

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*Glasses Ash for mentioning hipsters and Fugazi in the same breath*
*really hard in the groin region*

8 08 2011
Pandabater

Thanks for reminding me,
I was doing my washing on Saturday
morning up at the Laudromat & I got
to play my very own CSI game.
Hmm, broken stubby on footpath,
ooh look, a trail of blood, lets follow,
there’s a drop, ooh another one
further along, isn’t this fun.
Where’s my black light.

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Did you remove your sunnies in a dramatic fashion Panda? From watching the Caruso this seems to be a CSI dudes main function.

8 08 2011
Pandabater

Umm, if I remove my glasses Simon I can’t see. 🙂

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

From what I gather on the promo, seeing is not needed. He does not look at the stuff, just poses heroically and whips off the sunnies.

8 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Oh, he sees…he sees all.

Just not with his eyes. David sees on a level that us mere mortals can never understand.

9 08 2011
moar caek

what if you squint and wave your hands in front of you?

8 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Looking inscrutable and keeping his coiffure immaculate ?

8 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Like, ditto.

8 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

That’s about the groin-glassing earlier today.

8 08 2011
James Hunter

More groin injuries here then at an AFL match

9 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeah, he farkin deserved that. Prbly still in the corner nursing his injuries, carnt.

9 08 2011
moar caek

ancient history for Ash.

saw these at the BDO back in the dark ages.
one of the best shows I’ve ever seen

10 08 2011
moar caek

that plus this:

10 08 2011
moar caek

equals this:

10 08 2011
moar caek

gold.

8 08 2011
p'bee

where’s this new post, then? don’t make me call aca.

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Start dialing P’bee, this is bullcrap.

8 08 2011
Pandabater

I made the 1st response at the top of the list because I was on Twitter at the same time asking them when the next post was.
They PROMISED a new post today, not some crap from the back of the draw or lame excuses, they promised. Ring em now.
😉 🙂

8 08 2011
p'bee

that’s it – time to get the trash media kraken’s finest onto them.

8 08 2011
Ash - Breachin' Carnts' Hulls' By Glassin' 'Em.

I’ll call TT.

9 08 2011
moar caek

I’ll sit in the corner and suck my thumb, rocking and looking kinda crazy eye…

8 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
What ho, gender specific cow shit ?
(Deity of choice) one need to be carefull these days

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Tally ho JH. This is a male kind of manure. PipPip old chap.

8 08 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Time for a pint, might take the Beagles down to the local , sit beside the log fire and watch the darts wannabees.Can’t stay long though .Neetd to be up at The Hunt in the morning. !

8 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Top hole JH. We have not taken Richo to a hunt this year but will do. Enjoy.

8 08 2011
smithcorp

Get your filthy paws off my cigarette holder, you damn dirty ape!

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Hey , that’s not my cigarette holder .
He he It’s not my cigarette either !!

8 08 2011
nemome

Im calling today tonight, TBL has dissapointed the bogan in me more than you can imagine. a whole monday of no tbl! I wanna glass all these c*nts.

maybe tbl are just a bunch of bogans looking to get rich and buy their own mcmansions and chevrodores…

maybe bogans who like things bogans like are just lame bogans who hate humanity?

down with the greens!

8 08 2011
Benny Hill

I don’t understand the picture.

8 08 2011
James Hunter

which one do you not recognise ?

8 08 2011
Pandabater

Arsehole.

9 08 2011
moar caek

aaah Panda, how was your manhood weekend?
if you’re prepared to endorse it, I might check one out near mine.
they must do it in Adelaide.
surely.

8 08 2011
nemome

riot!

9 08 2011
p'bee

does a search party need to be organised?

9 08 2011
martin

Yeah wtf. In the words of the great Kurt Cobain when he satirised the bogan; “here I am now, entertain me”.

Is that the correct use of the semi colon or am I a bogan?

What could possibly be occupying the TBL libtards? Assuming they’re libtards, they can’t be occupied with the GFC 2. I know they’re against leveraging the f#ck out of themselves to borrow money to “invest” so they can’t be hurting.

9 08 2011
Pandabater

There are many many things that make you a bogan Martin.
Punctuation is not one of them. 😉

Martin deserves the award for sailing as close to the sun as possible without falling in. God bless you & all that sail in you.

Love,
Panda

9 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Martin wants to be a bogan so he can own flash golf clubs like I do.

9 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Martin wants to be a bogan so he can indulge in #124!

9 08 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Big step from ‘The Stranger’ to #124.

He’d better buy a safety harness.

9 08 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And a willing partner.

9 08 2011
martin

Yes. As long as I didn’t have to speak to them and they left immediately afterwards.

9 08 2011
martin

Nah, golf is way to yuppy bogan. But it would be nice to be rich enough so I could do nothing and just play golf every now and then because I was so bored.

9 08 2011
martin

Aw shit, I forgot to say too instead of to. Such a bogan.

9 08 2011
martin

Thanks Panda, I am a martyr for the truth. My award should be that they stick up a statue of me on the border between a bogan suburb and a libtard suburb. Typing on a keyboard.

9 08 2011
urbanreverie

Is there any place where a bogan suburb adjoins a libtard suburb? Usually, the libtards live in the inner cities, the bogans live in the outer suburbs, and the two are separated by a swathe of immigrant districts.

9 08 2011
martin

Yeah that’s pretty spot on urban.

9 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
If like Icarus he flys too close to the sun the wax in his wings will melt.
See the relevant Air Crash Investigators…”Plummeting from the sky…

10 08 2011
James Hunter

they work better if they are ?

9 08 2011
James Hunter

PB
Maybe Lisa McCune could organise it
If that fails then send for >>>Drum roll
David Caruso !!

9 08 2011
jason

where is the post muthaf*ckas

10 08 2011
James Hunter

Jason,
Like a lot of posts it has fallen into a bit of a hole.

10 08 2011
nemome

where is the post you homosexual hipsters?

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