Despite its serene and benevolent exterior, the bogan is a seething pit of hatred. It despises the task of fact checking, it reviles independent information sources. And it is downright disgusted by any smartarse who claims to have figured out anything that the bogan has not. As a result, the bogan is fertile ground for an elaborate web of corporate cross-promoting that it remains entirely oblivious to. This pleaseth the marketer.
The bogan elects to snuggle itself entirely within the willing arms of three commercial TV stations, one News Limited online portal, and one News Limited print newspaper. Never leaving the advertising matrix for a moment, the bogan develops a self-concept that is inextricably linked to the products that are pitched at its age, gender, and aspirational segment. The bogan’s ego skyrockets when it purchases what it is told do, but when it purchases a product with more than one branding, the maths enters the realm of quantum boganics. A cross-promotion between any two things that the bogan likes is enormously soothing to the bogan, offering it a synchronised and seamless way to dispose of all of its available dollars and hours, along with some that shouldn’t be available at all.
The marketer’s ability to install new things that bogans like via cross promotion is about the best way to overcome the bogan’s distrust of change. Got a car racing format that is struggling in a crowded marketplace? Get P!nk to gyrate in a TV ad for it. Trying to endear a turgid new RnB chanteuse to the bogan market? Promote it on Video Hits by offering a prize of a max obnoxious stereo system from Sony that the bogan already wants.
Cross-promotion can move into the realms of media also, as Today Tonight and A Current Affair will routinely report on the goings on of the Chaser, or Chris Lilley’s upcoming show, or, of course, what happened last night on Masterchef. Likewise, without the advent of Underbelly to maintain the bogan’s awareness of Australian maxtreme criminality, the Herald Sun and Daily Telegraph would struggle to remain in business.
All of this purchasing of related items is likely to make the bogan hungry, and when it marches its brood down to McDonald’s, the bogan’s children demand a Happy Meal, which is subsidised by the Disney corporation via whatever Pixar is peddling this school holidays, or a action toy for every murdered gangster in the Underbelly cast. Figurine in hand, the child demands to see the movie, the celeb scoop for which the bogan saw on the Today show the previous week. Orange plasticine puppet Richard Wilkins also told the bogan about the latest Underbelly cast exclusive in Woman’s Day magazine, which features shock snaps of a Nine network personality eating McDonalds with a new lover. All of this frenetic gossip-discovering has made the bogan hungry.