#228 – Doing it Wrong

23 05 2011

A recurring theme at this stronghold of boganic inquest has been the bogan’s ability to ruin things. Be it music festivals, geographic regions, sport, even  your favourite bar, the bogan’s ability to belatedly adopt a trend then force it to bend to the bogan’s unyielding demand for maxtremity remains unparalleled. In much more recent times, the desire of the bogan to travel at faster than the speed of internet has led to a capacity to destroy a new thing faster and more comprehensively than ever: internet memes.

From their shadowy origins in the pungent bowels of the intertubes, the dizzying array of memes is distilled by a process of moronic selection as it rises to the surface of the mainstream. By the time these fads reach the bogan, one can be assured of their absolute, refined idiocy. And, of course, shortly after the bogan touches them, they are irrevocably ruined. The book of faces is a principal conduit for this process. The bogan’s habit of impulsively jumping on bandwagons it doesn’t understand, and joining groups on Facebook as a means by which to brand itself with things it considers suitably maxtreme and totally celeb, makes it uniquely susceptible to the mesmerising siren song of the internet meme.

In the bogan mind, the internet is a megaphone to broadcast the mundane details of its life to a captive audience, and an endless receptacle of maxtreme pornography and cute pictures. This scenario is a perfect storm for fucking up memes. The bogan can discover, adopt, and broadcast any given meme in the few seconds it takes to re-post it on the book of faces, and the sheer volume of bogans clogging up the intertubes drives the meme from obscurity, into infamy, and back into obscurity at an ever-quickening rate. Remember Rebecca Black? That went from hipster in-joke to global phenomenon to dead story in four days, to the point that the original haters found themselves standing up for a thirteen year-old girl, in the face of a bogan-hate onslaught.

The internet meme begun, it is generally agreed, as a dancing baby gif, which, stretching the limits of contemporary technology as it did, eventually wound up on that paragon of 90s bogan feminism Ally McBeal. There have been hundreds of memes since, and many have fallen by the wayside, only to be recalled by the geekiest of internet neckbeards. But every so often, the maxtreme appeal of a particular meme prompts the bogan to thrust it into the national spotlight. For instance, LOLcats. Fuck you, LOLcats.

This all, naturally enough, results in the promulgation of said spent meme in the main media. Because there is an important pivot point for this transmogrification from meme to boring story: the trashmedia journalist. The formula for creating news on the websites of Fairfax and News Ltd in 2011 roughly follows this methodology:

  1. Receive email from friend with humorous meme
  2. Conduct research (read: Google three things) to verify its real-ness
  3. Paraphrase 300 words from the relevant internet source
  4. Upload as news

Once a meme has made into onto the trashmedia sites, the rate of bogans fucking it up reaches fever pitch. In the most recent instance, this was Sam Newman, happily demonstrating his maxtremity by ‘planking’ (a meme which set new land-speed records in its shift from niche cultural marker to meme to national joke, incidentally,) dangerously only days after a bloke died performing a similar act. Bogans the nation over chuckled and told the affogato belt to drink some concrete and harden up, as they continued their battle against the forces of insane political correctness.

Because the forces of political correctness are one thing the bogan won’t take lying down.


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458 responses

23 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

Bit abstract, boys, but quality nonetheless.

Bogans LOVE internet memes, until they actually visit the site which shall not be named where they all spring from.

Yes, I am a fan of said site.

Yeah, it’s a bit meta, but something that’s been on our mind lately, continuing, as we said, an ongoing theme hereabouts. TBL

23 05 2011
Dirk

It’s harder to stamp our superiority without abstractness

24 05 2011
Girl

Yes, but there is a difference between superiority and self indulgence.

23 05 2011
Mick

A bit abstract?

This is one of those posts that I could spend half a day googling stuff just to understand what on earth they’re banging on about…and still not get it.

Well, this time I’m not falling for it. I’m gonna walk in the sun and play golf.

Call me when you’re done.

23 05 2011
martin

I say golf is bogan.

23 05 2011
Mick

I do it for the beer and the chicks. Well, not many chicks but beer on golf courses is cold and cheap.

23 05 2011
Simjoy

In light of evidence supplied by the defendant, bogan seconded.

23 05 2011
Mick

I have never hidden my bogan roots. But, sometimes I need much more betterer defence in the face of a kangaroo court such as this.

I’m off to Slater & Gordon.

25 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

With you, like Ash as mentioned in a prior recent comment, I have take no umbrage with your boganic traits, of which you openly declare.

Unlike your average NaB or CUB, you at least are of sufficient self-awareness to understand this and duly reconcile with it, so that’s what makes regulars like you and Ash very valuable here, affording us those insights.

Then again, even the most avowedly anti-bogan here will confess to one such trait.

Now, if you’ll all permit me, once I’m done here tonight, I’ll be off to read Wheels hot off the presses and feed my monthly insatiable appetite for matters of petrolheadedness. But you’ll never find me head down in a copy of either Top Gear or Motor…they’re just automotive equivalents to lads’ mags with a bent for unattainable exotica and pointless horsepower excess.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

speaking of petrol-ness I bought a Just-Bikes in a fit of waiting for a delayed liftedness recently.
guess what I saw in the classified style interior?
Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley, One Only 916 (which is what I was actually browsing to look at), a few old Dominators and Bantams, some (surprisingly expensive) old UJMs, and Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley Harley.
not even old Harleys (one knuckle, one pan, few shovels and 80″evos) all 21st century full factory custom. bought by show boat tossers with tiny genitals and Just One Tatt who were never into bikes in the first place but had to have a Harley.
someone explain it to me. bogans like uniforms? bogans like fantasy lifestyle accoutrements? seriously. a f*cking motorcycle you idiot? and now you’ve barely ridden it, it’s dropped 10 grand and you’re selling it because you nearly shit yourself when it got crossed up on the tram tracks. those dopey big apehangers and the 26″ butterknife front hoop still making sense there champ? I know. You should have bought a jet-ski.

25 05 2011
Mick

Every mining bogan has a harley. It’s very annoying. They fall off them a lot. Lots of steel rods in legs in these parts.

Imagine this, ten mining bogans in a room discussing harley wheels and pipes. It’s awesome fun. Don’t try it. You’ll end up running around the room, arms spread, making airplane noises.

These are the same headknocks who will tell all you know nothing about bikes because you prefer European. I f#ckin’ hate harleys.

TBL, where’s my harley rant?

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I think they are holding this one back to deliberatly annoy us Mick.

25 05 2011
Mick

Simon, deliberately annoy? You know what’s deliberately annoying? A f#ckstick on a harley. That’s what.

Damn you to hell TBL. That’s it, I’m going to the beach.

Call me when you’re done.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I look at them as travelling comedians. I laugh and I laugh.

25 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I got a special fondness for DUcatis myself.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Ducati has to be the last word, surely.
just sex. SS, GT even the Darmah. the 9i6 changed all motorcycles forever and is still just as pretty today.
Harley. spare me.
I shall concede the knuckle motor to be a pretty piece of engineering and not an inch more sir!
The Norton Dominator.
The Laverda Jota (ugly as sin)
The Triumph Tiger
MV Agusta (then and now)
the goddamn DKW
anything.

26 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

This’ll sort the wheat from the chaff in short order: true Harley-ridin’ bikies will also talk about vintage British motorcycles, like Norton, BSA and Indian, and talk about them in respectful tones, even if they’re not their preferred type (having either an American or British mount is a prerequisite of joining said gangs). I know this from an ex-bikie who still gets around on his Norton, and he’s a surprisingly erudite fellow, which explains why he’s no longer a part of that clique, most of whom can be total knuckle-draggers.

Anyone else, except passionate bikers who “ride to live”, who have Harleys are nothing more than fey poseurs with more cash (or more likely, credit) than brains.

27 05 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Shit mate, the drill crew i was just working with, it was HSVs all the way. They love that shit.

27 05 2011
Mick

Yep, they love the HSV and the FPV. That’s the problem with mining bogans. They don’t have to make choices. They can afford anything they like. So, they have the bike, the car, the debt-burden McMansion, the big boat and little boat, the seven plasmas…each one tuned to ACA from another capital city.

That’s the point of this NaB…to ruin everything with their consumption. Bring on the recession. I wanna see these smug bastards burn.

27 05 2011
martin

Me too. F#cken hate em. You’re just cruising along in peace at the local shops or whatever and some maggot blasts everyone with that mega loud rotten noise. You just know they’re
getting their little schadenfraude bitter and twisted jollies out of it and you’re just hanging there exclaiming “WANKER!”, I think I even said it verbally the last time it happened.

They should be illegal. I mean you can’t have a normal car engine that loud why do these bikes get an exception?

I’m hoping for a recession too Mick. I’m tired of these ponzi scheming greaseball f#ckwits. It’s disgusting having to sit by and take it while these infants just get everything for nothing. My skills are a bit above being able to drive a forklift or fix a dunny so I’m confident I’ll be ok.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

bravo mick and martin.
we’ve created a society of useless shoppers, whose entire sense of self worth is reflected in plate glass and can barely manage to survive if the supermarket and bottle-o is closed for Festivus.
I say go one step further Martin and make sure you can dress a carcase and exploit the dead ground. Identify poisonous berries and mushrooms…
build a decent shelter.
that sort of thing.
we might last an extra week when it falls apart.

28 05 2011
Mick

One step ahead of you, chubb.

The bush is my spare time…love disappearing for days on end. I’m “The Grylls’ without the maxXxtreme awesomimity. I’ll survive when the debt collectors are hunting bogans. Like in Logan’s Run.

I always thought Jenny Agutter was hot. Probably didn’t need to share that last bit.

28 05 2011
Mick

Hey! Logan’s Run…Bogan’s Run.

There you go TBL, that’s a future boganomics title and theme for ya. You can use it.

Although, I am disappointed you did a boganomics over the road but didn’t share with us. Hurt, I am…Deeply, deeply hurt.

28 05 2011
martin

I figure all that survival stuff might be a bit useless without being armed to the teeth Chubs.

I’d love to go out taking some bogans with me, but I figure if it ever ends up that bad I’d rather just neck myself.

And I’m certainly not going to suck any redneck cock just to get a gun like you have to these days.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

we need to find a pistol club golf day Martin.

28 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I see it as a Red Dawn kind of end. I get to be Swayze.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

no way
golf is rock
golf is zen
bogans think they like golf,
but they get sick of it once all the spending is done.
golf is one of the very few remaining opportunities in modern society to be able to kill someone and make it look like an accident.

25 05 2011
Pandabater

I have stared death in the face at golf,
adrenaline does not help your game.
As previously noted, Harleys are the
Pandora bracelet for men.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

“Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others” Winston Churchill

“Golf, the best way to ruin a good walk”
Winston Churchill

25 05 2011
Pandabater

“Look out, it’s coming straight for us”
Jimbo, South Park

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P.J. O’Rourke

25 05 2011
Pandabater

It’s funny, golf would be
a lot easier if you didn’t
have to lug those clubs
around. 🙂

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Now that’s just silly.
have you ever tried to kill a bogan by throwing a golf ball at it?

28 11 2015
Lord_Boofhead

You Lug your own clubs peasant?

25 05 2011
martin

Golf isn’t too bad if you can hit the ball alright and can get over the nauseating yuppy bogans who consitute a large portion of the people who play it.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

…ery few remaining opportunities in modern society to be able to kill someone and make it look like an acci…

23 05 2011
p'bee

you know, i think a lot of bogan males would love the site which shall not be named.
personally, i think the only thing worse than it is youtube comments.

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

The ones I know are scared of it. Too crazy for them.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

ya
kinda freaky to the untrained mind.
I seriously doubt they could even navigate it.
I think it’s the purest punk.
did I already say that?
am i gushing?

23 05 2011
lolplates

To /b/ or not to /b/ is the true question.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I know this is a dumb question, but what site is this? Just whisper it to me.

23 05 2011
ashley hazleton
25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

ppfffttt!
weak

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Simon, to not know is better in this case. Trust me.

24 05 2011
lolplates

4chan! The only place to be 🙂 /b and /giff ^_^ the only problem is newfags can’t triforce

24 05 2011
lolplates

  ▲
▲ ▲

24 05 2011
Mick

Would someone care to explain this to me?

24 05 2011
p'bee

4chan is mentally scarring. keep your blissful ignorance.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I checked it out P’bee. Holy ducksh*t. Need a wine now. That is seriously lame. I hope you are being sarcastic Chub.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

see.
you need ED to understand 4chan.
(unless you actually dig that shit???)
its actually an homage to 2chan and futuba channel and blah blah etc
the individual who threw out ED (apparently just by deleting it – a six year old open wiki) was quoted as saying “shock for shock’s sake is old”
I disagree.
I think it says “sit your obese self on that HP couch, scarf some more tim tams, flick on charlie sheen and tell me more about dignity”
now look at this girl who is pooing in her own mouth. it’s ok, her genitals are pixillated.
y’know?
I’m disgusted too.
not to make too much of it. It pretty much all happened to other people, and it pretty much peaked a few years ago. but it’s damn funny. it should have been saved. it might be.
it’s complex.
“Encyclopedia Dramatica, is not a site that is comfortable to be on for most people, unless you are okay with racism and pornography in all of your content, but surprisingly, a lot of people are”
but only if it’s in ALL your content. only if EVERYONE is villified. you say oil spill – I say naked japanese girl with penis breats cutting herself whilst being raeped by an octopus.
because it wasn’t about racism or pornography. it was about drama. it was about making idiots uncomfortable.
it was about Bogans.
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Bogans

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

jesus.
so that turned out to be a pretty poor example
ok. so now go and have a try at a wiki you people.

24 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

What p’bee said, man. You’re better off.

24 05 2011
Mick

Okay, I’ll just go play with my lego.

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Now don’t pout Mick, try googling fourchan.com
Try this one….

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Bugger….

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

srsly?
wow I am so off beam.
everything on the internet starts at 4chan.
wikileaks started at 4chan
pirate bay
anonymous
goatse
I thought everyone knew 4chan was the supermassive vile hive mind and the centre of humanity.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

sorry
that should have said at the centre of humanity.

27 05 2011
Edward

My take on 4chan (anonymous and so on) is that they are a tribe of techno-anarchists. I used to know people like this back in the early 90’s. There was an edge to being a hacker, they were all cyberpunk and stuff. Of course a lot of them were were just script-kids, though the term hadn’t been invented yet. Some of them have gone on to become wage-slaves in IT, losing their hair prematurely as they worry about interest rates and the high cost of living. Others have become hardcore burnouts, who never found a way to fit in, socially or economically. They haven’t done well.

I could never see the point to keeping a quarantined drive full of viruses to slop all over someones system. I can see the point of coup-counting intrusions, from the view of climbing a mountain because it’s there. A little added code was just like writing your name in the visitors book at the peak.

Some of the Legion of Doom guys (and other hacker tribes) had an ideological integrity which gave them a credibility akin to Five Percenters, maybe.

I predict the something similar for hack-tivists.

27 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

wow thanks
having a quarantined drive full of viruses makes sense at the interview
I must confess to a quiet awe for the whole bsns.
back in 1984 I topped my school for computing. I saw a man put a phone handpiece on a plastic thing and a string of text appeared in green phosphor from a man who purported to be in America. (mate, it’s inconceivable that anyone could ever need more than 64k!) my maths teacher, who despised me, was very strongly urging that I should get in touch with some friends of hers at an outfit called control data. my father insisted that the whole thing was absurd and I should join the Army. By the time they threw me out and I got back on a computer 10 years later I has “become hardcore burnouts, who never found a way to fit in, socially or economically. ” (I haven’t done well. But it’s been a gas. Gave it all up for the Rich Internal Life.) I so regret not taking down the Commonwealth Bank back when it was still feasible. And If I Knew Then What I Know Now I would have been even more keen. And seriously, just for the Lulz.
theres a blue on just now about moralf*ggotry. so there always has been? I think f*gottry and lulz and vandalism have their ideological integrity if they’re thoughtfully directed
hacktivist lol.
downloading LOIC doesnt make you a hacktivist.
am i?

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart BBo

ok.
I’ll say it.

first there were the lulz. then there was IRC and then Julian Assange hacked NASA with peter garrett and then George W Bush creAted the internets. more than 100 years ago a caveman made patterns on a wall with charcoal and thus became a fag. other fags came and admired the patterns and so invented Art. Last Thursday Jissouseki became the most awesome thing ever and the highest expression of art evar and so now there is no more Art. But before that some fags were fapping to cartoon pictures from the land of moon runes and realised they were all basement dwellers and virgins and started pulling pranks and faggotry and behaving like 14 year old boys and posting pictures of aborted fetuses wearing richmond beanies in caravan and camping forums and on youTube. and DDoSing mastercard and Scientology and setting off the rebellion in the middle east. ultimately this became the greatest expression of human art (before Jissouseki) as every race colour creed sexuality political persuasion and typo were villified and exploited equally. the most vile and peurile became sacred. Decency was raeped. humanity was approaching profound union with akashic peace through absurdity and offense. it was all eventually written down in web 2.0 form since almost no-one can actually understand 4chan and absolutely no-one can read moon-runes. ( amirite?) then some idiot let a women on the internet. suddenly everything was f*cked. and she sold the whole thing to hallmark. This became known as the Graet Butthurt or f*ck you you evil fat c*nt depending on how much you had contributed and suddenly every gnat with a facebook log in was posting Caturday Advice Dogs for teh Lulz!!1!
omg
Broadly speaking a meme is an in joke you were never in on.
ED was the purest expression of punk evar.
evar.
The Highest Art.
except for Jissouseki
see also trying too hard

25 05 2011
Pendant

Are the articles in that link saved from the old ED or are they all new? I didn’t realise there was a new home for it

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

there is a “new” ED
but it’s a bit of a tattered remnant.
De Grippo/vinylgirl whatever just took the whole thing down and trashed it. gone. just like that.
criminal.
anyway. a lot was salvaged via web cache etc.
and many dedicated fags are trying to restore it. but so much was lost. esp images. I gave back all my Jesu and Guro.
the old ED became this abomination http://ohinternet.com/Main_Page
I recommend you strenuously ignore it
ED is now encyclopediadramatica.ch

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

sweet baby jeepers tell met that went into moderation

23 05 2011
James Hunter

What is Political Correctness ? Bet it has nothing to do with correct politics,nor good politics.Maybe someone should tell bob brown and foney rabbit to red this blog ??

24 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, less analysis of Political Correctness and more thought given to correct spelling!

23 05 2011
Dirk

Yeah bro haha! Fuckin funny aye, haha!

23 05 2011
Glass 'em all

“the geekiest of internet neckbeards.” Sheer poetry. Thanks for the meme-ery.

23 05 2011
martin

Bogan feminism. I shall use this term to describe the large amount of females who exercise their so called feminism not by becoming equals but by maxxtremely expoiting the powers of their vaginas. Thank you TBL.

So the Chuck Norris thing was invented by hipsters was it? Poor hipsters. Maybe you should create your own internet, country, everything. I’ll even fake being a libtard to get in. Maybe. As long as there’s lots of beer, no Spicks and Specks, no Cate Blanchett, no Apple Macs and so on, and no whiny, pretentious, folky songs sung by libtard women in commercials.

Does anyone know who that artist is? I f#cken hate her.

23 05 2011
bec

Methinks the ladybogue, when faced with the works of Helene Cixous or Betty Friedan, would probably make fun of their waxing schedule. Nothing the femmebogue loves spouting (apart from half-hearted exhortations to their offspring to get off whatever they’re dancing on lest they not get a pack of chips after their supper) than “I’m not one of those hairy-legged feminists, I don’t hate men”.

The rest of us weep, drinking gin.

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Martin – Just wait for me to establish my Reich.

Sure it’ll be a benevolent dictatorship (Well…somewhat benevolent) but no bogans, libtards or hipsters will be allowed.

23 05 2011
martin

I think we should have some libtards and hipsters, just give them free old school push bikes, a suburb that has been vacated by blue collars and free vouchers to St Vinnies so they can revel in kitschiness and irony. But they should only be allowed to have a TV station for 2 days a week. Preferably on the weekends when they’re off their faces.

23 05 2011
v'ivisexxion

Martin, while you were writing this vicious personal attack on libtards, I was at Brunswick Savers buying the kitchiest thing seen in a long time. That’s right, I am now the proud owner John Inmans “Are You Being Served,Sir” vinyl album ( I’m surprised it wasn’t re-released on cd?). And no, you can’t borrow it. Where’s my Vinnies voucher b!tch?

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m really envious right now.

23 05 2011
v'ivisexxion

Best 3 bucks i’ve spent today 🙂

23 05 2011
Mick

What is on the album? Songs, skits, haikus?

Show us a playlist.

23 05 2011
v'ivisexxion

sorry for the delay – Playlist:
1. Are you being served sir?
2.Teddy Bears Picnic
3.Buttons and Bows
4. My Big Best Shoes
5. Come to the supermarket (in old Peking)
6. Nobody Does it Like Me
Side 2:
1 Sun Signs
2. The Sailor With The Navy Blue Eyes
3.I’m Too Old To Be a Mermaid
4. How Do You Do It?
5. The Fleet’s in Port Again
“We all Love Captain Ginger (I did not make this up! )

I haven’t had a listen yet – too much going on – however there are sketched pictures on the back cover of him dressed up in sailor suits, as a ‘ching chong chinaman’, in a giant teddy bear suit, as a mermaid with breasts and as the campest sailor I’ve seen…. The front cover is a pic of him in a giant 1970’s cane chair in a powder blue suit, and he is also standing behind himself carrying a tiny shopping bag….. I’ll be listening tomorrow evening!

23 05 2011
Mick

ooohhhh…that is awesome. I particularly want to hear My Big Best Shoes and The Fleet’s In Port Again.

My mum would love it. She wouldn’t get the kitsch but I reckon she’d have it on the shelf next to her Englebert Humperdinck albums

23 05 2011
Mick

Sorry, I know this is about Mr Humphries but I love my mum.

Plus, I think the host has a thing for Englebert.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I bow to your wisdom on this V’v but can you really make sailors outfits camper?

24 05 2011
V'visexxxion

It does venture into Japanese schoolgirl territory so i tend to avoid the sailor suit look myself.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey V’v, one of the short arse weather dudes just named his daughter Sailor Shelly.

I see a life of torment ahead.

24 05 2011
Mick

Hey V’iv, I youtubed your Mr Humphries and Captain Ginger songs last night.

I won’t spoil tonights fun for you by putting it up. I will say that you are in for a treat.

24 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Mick I did the sam ethis morning… Oh my…

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I hope you will be drinking Pimms whilst listening tonight V’v.

24 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Nothing goes better with a witty little saucy ditty than a pimms.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And sock suspenders.

24 05 2011
Mick

Okay Simon, this has been bugging me all morning. Donald Duck wore a sailors outfit.

Is Donald gay? A fair question and a great band name too. I might go register it.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s hard to argue against a sailors outfit. Although there was no sailor in the Village People.

This picture may answer your question though. Donald Duck was a bogan!

24 05 2011
Mick

A bogan, eh? Well, he does have a lot of rage in him. No teeth and unintelligible as well.

I’m guessing he’s from the shire.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I think you are on to something Mick. He probably planks with Ash at Cronalla games.

24 05 2011
Mick

Ha!

As a matter of fact, I’m off to a Sharkies game in a few weeks. Gonna watch them play at the Gold Coast. It will be a bogan extravaganza

Ash, wanna come along? Might even go to the casino afterwoods for some glassin’ practice.

24 05 2011
Mick

afterwoods? WTF was that?

afterwards.

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I won’t cast stones I can’t spell Cronalla (see).

I want photos of you and Ash merrily glassin some Goldies.

24 05 2011
Vviv2

If being unintelligible & rage filled makes Donald a bogan, Yosemite Sam must be their maxxtreme leader…. 😛

24 05 2011
Mick

That’s why Sam is on all the wheel covers and mudflaps of bogan 4WD’s telling everybody to back off.

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Good point Mick, I’d forgotten about them!
I really DO need to get out more….

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I like Yosemite Sam but Marvin the Alien was my favourite.

24 05 2011
Pandabater

Where’s the kaboom? There’s supposed to be a giant kaboom. A personal favourite.
Yoikes and away!

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

“Oh, goody! My Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!”

24 05 2011
Mick

We really are nerds, aren’t we?

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We are not bogans or hipsters, not much else left.

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Confess Simon….You just looked that up didn’t you?
You cannot possibly have remembered the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How dare you question my nerd credentials!

And it was Earthshattering Kaboom. He was trying to blow up earth because it obstructs his view of Venus!

24 05 2011
Vviv2

No, not questioning your credentials….Just bloody envious of an awesome memory!
😛

24 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Confession *google*

No one could remember that!

24 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

Mick – I actually had planned to make the trip up for that particular game, but finances got in the way.

Either way, I imagine there’s gonna be at least one carnt classe after it. I glassed seven after yesterday.

23 05 2011
martin

I have fond memories of that show viv. Enjoy.

I have a desire to see all of those old pommie shows like George & Mildred and Love Thy Neighbour, just to satisfy by own desire for kitsch.

You know Mildred died at about 50 of alchoholism. Poor thing.

23 05 2011
martin

I even downloaded Rumpole of the Bailey. I only got through about 20 minutes before I gave up. But that should give me non bogan points for at least a decade.

23 05 2011
v'ivisexxion

Many years back I had a friend who changed his name by deed poll to Yootha after Yootha Joyce – she had the best collection of polyester ever seen on television!

23 05 2011
martin

I wish I was gay sometimes.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

yes.
anyway.
back to the giant tattooed gay man in the japanese schoolgirl sailor suit…

you didn’t finish that bit.

28 05 2011
Boganstalker 2.0

Yootha? (Craig?)

23 05 2011
urbanreverie

No libtards at all, Ash? You won’t even make an exception for me? 😛

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

All right, fine. If libtards want to enter, they have to apply to do so. Then we can detain them as we please.

23 05 2011
shakPower

not your best work. if ur running outto ideas, how this ‘CANNED TUNA’. in its quest to get big, the bogan gulps down at least a couple daily. ‘fish protein is the best mate’ . not worried about the extreme levels of sodium and preservatives in it or about stinking up the office like a fish market. imagine how confused a blind lesbian would be if she walked into our office!!

23 05 2011
urbanreverie

Oi! Leave those little tins of flavoured tuna alone! It’s so easy in the morning to throw some crispbread, a tin of tuna and some fruit into my lunchbox, and, voila – there’s my lunch for work or uni. Canned tuna is a lifesaver!

Hell, if even canned tuna is bogan, what supermarket purchases aren’t bogan?

23 05 2011
v'visexxx!on

Pffeffernusse isn’t bogan – too much ginger and not enough sugar. It’s bordering on a geriatric purchase. But i doubt a bogan would eat it.

23 05 2011
urbanreverie

How about pumpernickel? I bought some pumpernickel at Coles tonight … I can’t imagine bogans liking that. It’s not made by Buttercup or Tip Top an’ shit and tastes funny and it’s all foreign and stuff and they don’t know how to pronounce the name.

I’m still waiting for TBL to do an entry on white bread. Boy, do bogans love white bread. The softer and more tasteless, the better.

25 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

And even better if it’s Wonder White, with all its “hidden” Hi-Maize fibre, or Tip Top’s “UP”, supplemented with omega-3.

Personally, I’m more of an artisanal wholegrain unsliced loaf fan, otherwise eating Bodhi’s Spelt Loaf hippie bread failing that. Not into adulterating my bread with anything other than toppings of my own choosing (or better, none at all when hot and fresh).

Now that’s bogan, buying those sorts of bread loaves with “gooditives” in the solid belief that such consumption will countenance their otherwise erroneous dietary intakes.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I buy that Abbotts Bakery bread.
mostly so I can wipe my bum with the bag.
it’s complex.
voodoo/politics thing.
anyway.

23 05 2011
Andrew

no, no, no…. not Canned Tuna.

Canned Chicken – that’s your target!

25 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

A Croatian firm make such an abomination, spotted at my local continental deli, so I’m not sure if it’ll catch on with the Anglo-Aussie bogan hordes. Old-school Italians also have Simmenthal, which is canned jellied beef, which became popular as a consequence of food rations offered by the US in the immediate Postwar aftermath in Italy—equally repugnant, and that’s not just because I’m a self-confessed pinko vego…wouldn’t touch it even when I ate animal flesh.

Then again, they are queuing up for The Double at Karcinogenic Fried Crap, so I guess anything is possible.

27 05 2011
Edward

You win 1 internet. I could quite believe it when I saw tinned chicken for the first time. I had to check the ingredients list. I thought that off-brand “Chicken of the Sea” had arrived on our shores. Still makes no sense to me.

23 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

According to the One True Bogan Portal: “Scores of Australians suspended or sacked for planking have taken to Facebook to vent their frustration.”
Plankers on Facebook. Kind of a weird double-negative of stupidity.

23 05 2011
Jack

Also, I note that on news.com.au ‘scores’ = 8.

Waiting for the next headline… ‘Strayans smarter than Americans; conclude that the American Revolution actually began in 1824.

23 05 2011
Vviv2

GOLD, as always….

23 05 2011
Dirk

In all seriousness I think this is brilliant effort and not too obscure at all.

23 05 2011
Cody

Wait, what’s wrong with Ally McBeal? It was a romantic comedy, I wouldn’t call her a bogan even by 90s standards.

23 05 2011
Simjoy

Not a bogan, but any version of feminism attributed to the show could be said to have all the intelligence and depth of a bogan. David E Kelly’s version of strong woman is famous for its short skirt, waif appearance, exploitative nature and woeful ability to actually run her own life. See the failed Wonder Woman debacle for further failure of Kelly to really do anything for women other than tickle his own delights.

23 05 2011
AlyssaKT

well said Simjoy

23 05 2011
Jewels

‘Bogan feminism. I shall use this term to describe the large amount of females who exercise their so called feminism not by becoming equals but by maxxtremely expoiting the powers of their vaginas. Thank you TBL’.

WTF.

23 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Are people still planking. I thought it was all Teapoting now. Or is that just too sad even for the bogan. Get into it, it’s educational!

http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/forget-planking–now-its-teapotting-20110519-1eu0h.html

And then Nancy’s even having a go for educational planking too.

http://www.theage.com.au/queensland/old-girl-nancy-planks-for-a-cause-20110520-1evfq.html

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

V’viv, you’re doing it wrong. I raised teapotting last week. Us hipsters have already moved on to YMCA’ing.

23 05 2011
p'bee

so behind the times, simon. the properly cool people are doing jazz hands.

23 05 2011
v'visexxx!on

So I should stop teapotting in the office then?

23 05 2011
v'visexxx!on

I want to start a website for people to send in pics of themselves touching stranger’s mullets – just gentle caresses while sneaking past them. Without getting caught of course. I’ll call it mullet fishing.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Nah, did that this morning. We are all now attaching kick me signs to other peoples back.

23 05 2011
Abudhabilist

Ahhh, Jazz hands.

‘Sprinkle fingers’ for the inept.

23 05 2011
AlyssaKT

I do mullet chopping. Got my 5th one last weekend. Have also chopped off two rat’s tails. Just doing my bit for the community.
You’re welcom 🙂

23 05 2011
p'bee

you’ve really done that? you’re my new hero.

23 05 2011
AlyssaKT

I’ve really done that! Mostly to strangers too.
I almost always ask first – after I tell them their hair style is really bringing them down and they’d be SOOO much better looking if they let me chop it. Amazingly that has worked 90% of the time (I must choose wisely!)

The only time I didn’t ask was to a friend who had suddenly grown a rat’s tail after 10 years of friendship – I just snipped it off before he knew what was happening.
(It was another one of those occasions when it’s lucky to be a girl or you’d cop a fist in the mouth.)

23 05 2011
micko

my friend once had someone sneak up behind her on the train and chop her hair. was it you?

23 05 2011
AlyssaKT

Haha – no, not me. I only chop men’s hairstyle abominations.

Did she have a mullet???!!

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have visions of you running around with the hair in your hand like Chief Sitting Bull screaming “scalped em”.

24 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

The woman who lives next door to me has a killer mullet. My daughter calls her “Joe Dirt”.

23 05 2011
25 05 2011
23 05 2011
jaydyn

all your bogans are belong to us.

AHAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

23 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Play him off, keyboard cat.

23 05 2011
Shirley M.

This is a great post fellas. When I read it the first thing that sprung to mind was the fake Martin Luther King quote that circulated teh interwebs upon news of Bin Laden’s death. Trust the bogan to copy and paste any old bullshit without verifying it’s authenticity.

23 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Was that fake? that’s hilarious!! I just looked at the bogans posting it and didnt bother reading it. Wrote it off as tea towel wisdom…

23 05 2011
Shirley M.

The part that said ‎”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy” was fake. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, really. Who were these thousands lost?

23 05 2011
v'visexxx!on

Diggers. No doubt, the bogan probably assumed they were diggers.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

bogans love diggers.
touchy stuff.

25 05 2011
martin

The bogan thinks it *is* a digger. One of the reasons why the bogan’s self esteem is a lot higher than what it should be.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

notwithstanding that I don’t really know what youse are talking about,
I suspect the “thousands” were afghans and persians.

23 05 2011
Mel

from the dumbarse comments that posted on this brilliantly written piece – it’s clearly doomsday for TBL – because they’ve found you now and they’ve nested – shortly unless your writing is metamaxtreme (read one syllable) and not full of politically correct satire and not in your face politically incorrect base sexist jokes a monkey could sign read they’ll be complaining it is too high brow – sorry TBL, you’ve been adopted – the end is nigh.

23 05 2011
Mick

I’m sorry, Mel. I didn’t realise it was all to be taken seriously.

I promise to try harder.

23 05 2011
Mel

you think calling people dumbarse is what I do when I’m serious? … dumbarse? a rectum with an intellectual deficit? yes this is the best possible word to convey how seriously I took the comments ……

23 05 2011
Vviv2

Thanks for explaining that Mel.
Here’s me thinking it was a rectum with a speech defect…..

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Mel, you accuse the commenters of being dumb with writing like that, is this irony?

23 05 2011
Shirley M.

I have no idea what Mel’s comment actually means.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Bogan in denial?

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I gather she is saying TBL humor is above us all, in my dumbarse kind of way. But she, being an intellectual giant, gets it and thinks we are all bogans wrecking the site.

And hipsters don’t have to use punctuation, capitals, sentence structure or paragraphs coz they are much coolerer than the rest.

23 05 2011
urbanreverie

“Second-year cultural studies or sociology student at a sandstone university” would be my hunch, Simon. 🙂

And courtesy of Australia You’re Standing In It are Tim and Debbie, the greatest pisstake of pretentious libtard arts students ever:

23 05 2011
bec

This second-year cultural studies at a sandstone is lolling too hard at that vid. Oh, so true…

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

gold.
chunky custard and Hot Yak Fat.
those were the days.

23 05 2011
Vviv2

*sigh*
Just as I thought I was improving, I’m written off as a bogan….
May as well glass myself now 😦

23 05 2011
Mel

ahhh the weapon of a interweb ninja – spelling and punctuation, keep it up – the world needs you.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You are a cranky little dipsh*t aren’t you.

24 05 2011
Mel

wouldn’t you be if after 2 decades you realised that all that philosophical diatribe in your second-year cultural studies or sociology units amounted to nothing more than commenting on bogan responses to a blog about bogans … the irony is enough to put another 2 decades of weathering on my already tarnished chromium facade

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Well, now realisation has hit, swallow it down & grow…. 😛

25 05 2011
Mel

I don’t swallow

23 05 2011
p'bee

i’m not sure that mel knows.

23 05 2011
Mick

Can’t have been irony. There was no rolling of the eyes.

Or was that sarcasm?

24 05 2011
Mel

Pant hooting. It was pant hooting. As close as I could manage to the requisite monkey sign language

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

are you still here?
this is the weakest fu©king troll I have ever seen.
fu©k off n00b

25 05 2011
Mel

yeh I am hanging around for the requisite year to claim my share of the irony.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

it’s a pity.
you seem a pretty pithy character.
maybe start again..

26 05 2011
Mel

doesn’t matter how you start, there’s always some verbose git who thinks they’ve copyrighted sarcasm and irony on the interwebs and piggybacks on 4chan for cred in policing it

I prefer starting as I intend to finish

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

well played.
I have to go walk the dogs.
make sure you drop in again
kthxbye

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

hang around for a year or more
like most of the regular commenters here today.
and you’d have some more insight into why your post is so risible.

should have skipped the “philosophical diatribe” for some “basic research” units.
and I’m not sure you fully grasp the concept of irony (few do these days).
I think it’s ironic that you are clearly a teacher in a public school and are therefore pretty much complicit in the proliferation of the very dumbarsedness you deride.

25 05 2011
Mel

I see it now – you own irony and longevity buys shares in it. Rizzjizz indeed.

29 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

no.
you said bogans have found tbl and jumped On the bandWagon.
I’m just saying many of us have been here from the start.

I still think that you are clearly a teacher in a public school and are therefore pretty much complicit in the proliferation of the very dumbarsedness you deride

23 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

“affogato belt”. Haha… I nearly choked on my double ristretto when I read that.

23 05 2011
Snag

Nice post TBL, but I think an entire one on planking is necessary. Planking is not yet regarded as a joke by any means (at least not in Adelaide, although we could just be a long way behind the rest of the country). At the very least, planking shows us the very lowest form of human and which people must immediately be culled to protect the gene pool from virulent idiocy.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

you clearly missed the whole Rapture ruckus then.
planking is already gone.
isnt it?
seriously, the only plank I saw was kerry anne. on youtube. to findout what the hell planking was. (I had imagined something between wanking and plonking. I still have no idea what plonking is)
if you stay away from facebook you miss all of this.
I look at it as fast forwarding the ads in meatspace

23 05 2011
23 05 2011
Vviv2

Far be it from me to point out the colour of her hair, BUT…. 😛

23 05 2011
martin

I don’t get it. What’s her hair colour matter?

23 05 2011
Vviv2

You’ve never heard blonde jokes?
Obviously planking was beyond her skill level….It was just a thought 😛

23 05 2011
martin

I wouldn’t know about that I’m a post-feminism feminist. 🙂

23 05 2011
tone (not the usual one)

Being one who regularly gets emailed memes about 6 months after the fact from my less Internet-inclined friends, I’d have to say this post is spot on, and one of the best posts on TBL for while. Something that really grinds my gears these days, as the lines between legitimate new sites and trashy tabloid become increasingly blurred, are the “journalists” who present the latest (read 1 year ago) memes as news, complete with little-to-no research and farcical conjecture. I see a future without wars, big corporations or even progress – namely cos everybody the world over procrastinating on the Internet.

23 05 2011
Anonymous Bosch

I agree. Reducing this entry to just ‘Planking’ would have ignored the recent decline of News Ltd Media dumbing itself down even further to considering Internet Culture as being ‘Newsworthy’.

First it was Entertainment Gossip being considered ‘news’; then there was obvious conflict-of-interest network/studio cross-promotion being considered ‘news’; then a flood of Facebook, Twitter and Message Board Hi-Jinks being considered ‘news’, and now the Meme.

This leads to some weird Moral Panic conflicts, (because News.Com thrives on Moral Panic Beatups), where one day News.Com are demonising the /b/ crowd for Facebook Memorial Page Tourism, then a week later labelling them as ‘Heroes’ for banding together to harass a puppy-drowning teenage girl or wheelie-bin cat-dropping old lady.

Their absolute nadir has been the recent, nearly-constant hyping of website ‘The Punch’, including a story on how one of its most notorious thread commenters / trolls now had his Very Own Article.

23 05 2011
bec

OMG. Yes. The last paragraph. 100%. I wept, WEPT VERILY at the stupidity of that.

23 05 2011
Shirley M.

I forgot to mention that I very much like the title of today’s post. You’re doing it right.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

not trying too hard

23 05 2011
martin

http://www.news.com.au/national/mother-had-to-be-flown-interstate-to-have-children/story-e6frfkvr-1226060747084

“so last Thursday she was flown to Canberra Hospital which had three neonatal cots available for triplets Montayah, Jaquarhn and Jyqueel.”

Yay. No wonder the government doesn’t want to spend money on hospitals if they’re going to be used to spew out vermin.

That’s it. I’m gonna get mega rich to buffer myself.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That last vermins name, isn’t that an indigestion remedy?

23 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

I thought he was point guard for the Lakers a few years ago.

23 05 2011
martin

It certainly sounds like some sort of medicine Simon.

The first one is going to be called “mount a ya”, and be the school slut. The second one, Jack-Fartin I suppose.

27 05 2011
Edward

Niquil is a night time cold and flu remedy I think. If the same one, it doesn’t work of course. It’s a palliative treatment reducing the discomfort of symptoms, like most of those things are.

23 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

“Jyqueel. Use as directed, may cause drowsiness.”

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I saw this in the morning when I was flicking through the Terrorcrap (don’t judge me – I was getting my lunch and it was the only thing to read while waiting). I knew it’d come up here.

23 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have posted a comment questioning the naming of said babies. Betting on my chances of getting published? I would say poor.

23 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

“Poor” would be optimistic.

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, moderated into oblivion, shame it was helpful advice.

29 05 2011
Mick

Go west, young man.

The west’s version of News Ltd, PerthNow, print anything. I do a lot of mining bogan baiting. I get shouted at a lot.

I even spied our Fi there doing some temp work.

23 05 2011
the beef

Once again, TISM are way ahead of the pack… The following are the lyrics from “play mistral for me” by TISM, off their Machiavelli & the Four Seasons album. I’d have selected a key verse, but they’re all relevant.

It takes a great person to get a idea
But don’t go public it’ll ruin the plan
Because no matter how clever and original you are
You’re only as good as your fans.

Peter Garrett chanting “Oils, Oils”
Can you imagine it? I don’t think you can
But as a Mistral employee once told me
You’re only as good as your fans.

Each man kills the thing he loves:
The fisherman caught in his own net.
It’s frightening that you deserve
The audience that you get.

So the Beatles found out up with Helter Skelter
And John Lennon saw it in Mr.Chapman
And the Stones learnt from Gimme Shelter;
You’re only as good as your fans.

Yo! Fight the power, what did I say?
All the girls say “YO”! all the boys say “YO”!
Everybody say “YO”! Here comes the hamburgular!
Elle McPherson is really a person,
But don’t tell the guy that buys the calendar.
Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica!
You can’t get a laugh at of Stefi Graf
If you tell that her friends are a bunch of backstabbers;
Kurt Cobain couldn’t deal with pain
But at least he didn’t score an own goal against Colombia.
Yo! Impersonator X! Give it to me!

So maybe we shouldn’t hate Collingwood
Or blame religion on J.C.
Or marvel at all the racist kids
Who love Public Enemy.

Maybe Allah was a peace loving guy
Maybe Elle really is more than a body
Maybe Oprah Winfrey is intelligent
Maybe TISM know the word “irony”.

24 05 2011
Danga Burke

“You’re only as good as your fans”

…imagination more like it. hang on get someone to ready this reply to you to make it valid. only a stupid hypocritical bogon would agree and agreement must mean it it valid… light fucking bulb…actually it means it is real…just like the flanno our ur back ur mate bought (not you… ur mate you intellectual celibate excuse for an impotent attempt at emotion ).

That is something bogans can teach.

24 05 2011
Vviv2

Well, it’s certainly not spelling, grammar or punctuation…. 😛

24 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Um…what? Is the acid kicking in already?

24 05 2011
urbanreverie

What is it about this thread that has brought out all the lunatics?

25 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

At least TISM made their point abundantly clear in this matter; I am all-too-often guilty of spruiking their witticisms amongst these comments pages.

So I’d better metaphorically buy The Beef a beer for beating me to highlighting TISM’s uncannily alarming knack for prescience.

25 05 2011
the beef

Thanks BO’t. Domestically-produced imported thanks.

Heated debate, this.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Cool Story Bro.

(huh? you see what I did there Kids…)

wow.
that’s excellent.
if it wasn’t copypasta, it is now.
I bet I can get that up in the comments of a news.com

23 05 2011
Blueballs

Due to the internets ‘Planking’ has tipped a critical mass and gone full circle beyond pure Boganism.

Talking to a bloke in Islamabad on the weekend, they’ve already set up a one of two facebook group dedicated to planking in Pakistan. To his credit, by planking in ironic and somewhat dangerous locations with the treat of getting arrested, deported or shot by a fidgety security guards, he justified the existence of their group and distanced himselves from the bogan herd ( “if we where doing this back home, it’d be dumb, but here its deeply rooted in a total sense or irony and desire to ‘one-up’ the bogans back home”)

Most the members are expats from the diplomatic community and INGOs, including a lot of foreigners and the occassional local, so they hardly fit the typical idiot, bogan profile. Blueballs may be tempted to join.

As an aside: Teapotting… what the fuck? Least with planking there is a certain anonymity involved, as the said Planker is typically laying facedown. But with Teapotting, everyone who stumbles on the photographic evidence has to endure the teapotters shit eating grin and GAF pose.

23 05 2011
trentblog

I love this site. No more comprehensive database for this fast-growing Bogan phenomenon has been compiled.

23 05 2011
Mick

News Ltd wins hands down.

What they don’t know about bogans isn’t worth knowing.

24 05 2011
Cam

The concept is at the core of Boganism. 2 thumbs up.

24 05 2011
Mick

Speaking of bogans doing it wrong, I see David Hicks is doing the circuit to push his book. I’d like to read it. I wouldn’t buy it. I’ll borrow it and not give it back.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/audience-on-their-feet-for-a-fraud-who-called-bin-laden-his-brother-20110523-1f0qb.html

He’s an idiot, no doubt. He did make a lot of admissions when he was bundled into the back of an Afghan divvy van. Were they made up to make himself notorious? That’s a very bogan thing to do. Quite common. I bet when he was thrown in the cage he had a few ‘Oh My God…sorry, Allah…what have I done?’ moments.

24 05 2011
Blueballs

Mr. Hicks should be mindful of the fact that even in his fathers lifetime, he’d be taking the short drop for what he was doing over there. He nailed his colours to the mast and I’ve got no time for traitors.

24 05 2011
Mick

The whole dirty episode is about more than Hicks. He’s a loser who will wander off into obscurity.

I’m interested in it all for the ‘who’s watching the watchmen?’ side of things. At what stage as a society do we agree that all rules go out the window?

The book I would like to read is one written by Major Mori. That would be interesting.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

a book you might enjoy is Geoffery Robertson’s
“Crimes Against Humanity” (presently overdue for a fourth edition)
At what stage, as a society, did we agree there were rules?

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chubs, who were those space opera books you recommended by again?

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Ian M Banks.
specifically “the culture” books
Consider Phlebas is a favrit.
or The Use of Weapons oh and Excession.
and Feersum Endjinn
its all good.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks dude. I have an Ian Banks on the shelf. Are they good too?

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh yeah.
same dude. he writes non SF without the M
also excellent and kinda odd.
like The Wasp Factory, Walking on Glass and the Bridge. bloody kafka could take a tip.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Excellent. I will give him a shot. Have you got to any JG Ballard yet Chub?

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

no.
I will.
rite now.
I forgetted.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh right.
empire of the sun.
yeah sure.
excellent.
didn’t you say there was a cache of short stories somewhere?

26 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep – The Complete Short Stories, about 1100 pages, probably only get it on the interweb. Re Banks I have Dead Air. Will tackle soon, after Vol 8 of Winston Churchills Second World War.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I have a stack of ballard off channel BT simon.

Billennium
Cloud Sculptors
Cocaine Nights
Crash
Dream Cargoes
Drowned Giant
High Rise
Kindness to Women
Millenium People
Running Wild
The Atrocity Exhibition
The Burning World
The Crystal World
The Dead Astronaut
The Drought
The Drowned World
The Garden Of Time
The Subliminal Man
The Terminal Beach
The Wind From Nowhere
Super Cannes
Millenium People
Teh Best Short stories of

A number of books by British Sci-Fi novelist J.G. Ballard. This is not a complete collection, but contains a fair number of his novels and short story collections. If you have any that I have not included, please upload to channel BT. Please seed and Enjoy!

where should I start?

28 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Best of short stories, Highrise, Cocaine nights, The Garden of Time, The Subliminal Man. Mixture of novels and short stories for ya.

24 05 2011
Diana the Huntress

Meh. I’ve got no time for blind patriotism.

25 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

I’m guessing Hicks probably feels a bit of a mug for doing some of the stuff he did. The shot of him shouldering the rocket launcher with the KLA keeps getting trotted out by the meedya, but at least he didn’t get snapped pressing the flesh with Saddam like Rummy did.

24 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Hey guys. Not to be a self-promoting whore or anything (OK…totally that) but I wanna pimp my column to anyone who might be vaguely interested.

http://www.duderocket.com/features/cunty-affair

Where I get to parody the headlines whenever I feel like for zero pay and the kudos of a few stoners and nerds. Plus, I even chuck in a few TBL references.

25 05 2011
urbanreverie

*pppptptptptptpptptttpttttttttt*

That’s the sound of my breakfast being sprayed all over my computer monitor. That’s bloody brilliant, Ash.

One piece of advice though … I wouldn’t call it “A C#$ty Affair”. Call me old-fashioned, but the gratuitous use of the C-word kind of turns me off. It’s one thing for me to make Bogue say “kurrghurughnnt!!!” in every episode of the B&B Show, because I’m trying to mock the way bogans actually communicate and express their anger.

When I was in Year 8 at high school, we did a puppet show – it was a parody of A Current Affair. I’m trying to remember what we called the show. The only thing I remember is that Jana Wendt became “Non-Event”. I’m sure you can think up of some witty pun to replace “A C$%ty Affair”.

Otherwise, great work! *thumbs up*

25 05 2011
Mick

I concur…that’s the sort of crassness that is laughed at by my workmates. You don’t want them attracted to your blog.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How about “A Dubious Affair”

25 05 2011
Mick

I always liked “a Convenient Affair” but I’m not sure if I heard it somewhere else.

25 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Actually, I’m hoping I can get a bit of a bogan readership. See how they react, as it were.

25 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I thought about it, Urban, but I love the word c**t too much.

C**ts are beautiful, magical places. I don’t know why everyone hates on them.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cool Ash, can you post a link on here when you do updates. I have trouble remembering to look at lots of sites. Thanks.

25 05 2011
Vviv2

Loved it, but I have to agree…. you need a snappier sounding name Ash.
A mullet affair?
The bogue bulletin?
I’m sure there will be someone here that will come up with the perfect name….

25 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

It’s not meant to be just a parody of bogues though. I’m taking the piss out of the news in general. The Osama bin Laden bit wasn’t a dig at bogans at all.

25 05 2011
Vviv2

I’m sure it wasn’t….neither is this….

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

what about Kraken Craic?

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

todays affair tonight

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

comment-63315 has gone missing.
I may have been psychotic when I wrote it.
or maybe I’m psychotic now.
I thought it would be different to this.

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

my god.
this joke is sooo topical.

A DDoS walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.”…

25 05 2011
Mick

It appears chubb came in last night while we were sleeping. Ate all of the cookies and ironed the towels.

Probably left a floater as well…

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I hope no pets were violated!

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

define violated…

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#124

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh.
um, sorry about your budgie.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

S’ok.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Ah Simon, there you are.
I owe you a debt of thanks.
been doing a lot of riding.
I finally came to the POV that the lance armstrong fantasy spiderman suit probably is a good Idea.
I still think the Lycra is a bit… y’know (not that there’s anything wrong with that) so I had one custom made out of stretch denim and just wrote “Lone Wolf” on the back with Texta. It really makes a difference to my Bag Rot problem, and certainly turns heads! I’ve been training on O’Halloran Hill but I might look for somwhere else, the busses back up aren’t all that regular and sometimes they won’t let you on with a pushie. I thought if I moved over to shepherds hill road I could then catch the train back up to Blackwood?
what do you think?

26 05 2011
Mick

Bogans love Lance. They know that with the right drugs, they could be as awesome as he…if they owned a bike.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/sport/cycling/backpedalling-begins-as-peloton-of-evidence-closes-in-on-armstrong-20110525-1f4b2.html

26 05 2011
Vviv2

Pssst Chubby,
About the bag rot, tinea cream to get rid of it & tinea powder to prevent it….

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

done
and
done

26 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I did say, we all know the Lycra looks, you know, but if you don’t want serious chafing well it’s the only way to ride. My day off today so I rode to Strathalbyn and back. Lovely ride but a hard 4 hours. Give it a go on the Shogun!

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

is there a bus to strath?
or are you having a lend of me?
anyway, I just armoralled the tires…
and the rain, y’know, it makes the texta run.

25 05 2011
Mick

A Turkish man once told me how to have sex with a camel.

To this day I believe that was wrong.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh

Let me….

Do you hump it?

25 05 2011
Mick

Well, i suppose you do, Simon.

The interesting part is that you need a friend to hold onto your legs. It’s a two-man job.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ya gunna need Rugby players for that then. They can arrive on their Harleys.

25 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Then the camel can sell her (his?) story to the trashmedia and clean up. Ker-chinggg.

25 05 2011
Mick

Um, I don’t think you’re…er, getting the, the picture and the…um, mechanics of this operation. Rowers would be best. You see, the assistant camelier sits atop said camel, holding the primary camalier’s legs.

A strong grip is required. Good streatch and reach. Strong back. A rower would be perfect.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I was more thinking of the Rugby players enthusiasm for teamwork on the sex field than actual physical attributes

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

that makes sense, really.
and if it’s an ugly camel you can say
“nah, go for it mate. I’ll get yer legs.”

25 05 2011
Pandabater

This new Ricky Gervais show, An Idiot Abroad.
I can’t get my head around it. It seems that
everyone on the show knows its a joke but
the locals in the countries they visit do not
know its a joke. So why is it funny to whinge
about foreign countries for an hour when the
whole premise is a gormless git pretending to
whinge about foreign countries? I don’t geddit.
But then again I do not find The Office funny either.
Extras was good though. Is it just me?

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have not seen it Panda, when, what channel?

I am a huge fan of The Office but my wife can’t watch it, too cringeworthy she thinks. Extras was good but not quite as good I think.

25 05 2011
Pandabater

It’s on One HD Monday night.
The sports channel that shows
Ricky Gervais shows (?)

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Dude.

27 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

The episode of Extras where Kate Winslett sends herself up sans merci never fails to leave me kakking my strides with laughter.

25 05 2011
martin

I watched it. It’s basically just a piss take of all these holiday shows to me, showing how rooted all these countries actually are. Like Indians selling cow piss in little bottles.

I don’t think it’s particularly funny, just amusing, although it tended to get really gross towards the end so I didn’t watch it all.

It’s on channel BT Simon. Get with it.

I wish they’d do one on Australia, they definitely need to do a bogan one. Like he could visit a pub and be surrounded by wankers and mongs, which I guess is 99% of the pubs in Australia.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What the f*ck is channel BT and also when. More info please.

25 05 2011
martin

Bit Torrent you noob. That’s as far as I can go.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m a luddite, I don’t know what Bit Torrent is either. Just needed the TV channel which Panda obliged with.

25 05 2011
Pandabater

I was in hospital for a week
with a bit Torrent.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I googled it, looks like voodoo magic to me, be careful Panda.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh!
I just got that!

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

hey martin.
you seem a wonkish cat.
a bit.
do you know anything about sopcast?
I spent half this evening trying to watch the footy online and the other half trying not to get updates or results. god bless the abc.
adelaide will play the game at 10:30. and tomorrow I will probably read last week’s weekend Oz

26 05 2011
martin

Nup. Sorry. I just use BT. I’m a spaz when it comes to TV. I don’t even know how to tune my TV to get these free HD channels.

We should swap states then, I could barely give a toss about the footy and I got it coming out of my butt.

Oh, I see sopcast is p2p. But nah I’ve never heard of it until you mentioned it.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

yeah I couldn’t make it work, and I used the biggest hammer I had.
It may be a myth.
I was able to get chinese opera and a lot of stuff about Jesus (did you know he was Jewish?) and something called “bundesliga” which appeared to be a lot of cyclists without their bicycles in a paddock, falling over while 50,000 prisoners behind razor wire screamed at them and sang.
but no league.

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Martin if I was Ricky Gervais I would send you around the world.

A Curmudgeon Abroad

25 05 2011
Vviv2

Dead right Panda! It’s like they’re trying to imprint the whole whinging Pom stereotype on the minds of the young…. Possibly so they know what their parents are referring to?

25 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I love it.
I think he’ll become enlightened by the end.
Nice for Ricky to give his funny mate a leg up too.

25 05 2011
25 05 2011
martin

Ergh, radio, I’ve given up on it. It’s either a bogan or a libtard fest.

25 05 2011
Dr Greenthumb

Wouldn’t a DDoS have a million of her mates do all the ordering?

I have a lady-friend who is a barmaid at a certain club here in Brisbane, and based on
her experience, I’d say that Fevola single-handedly typifies the bogan’s self-important
behaviour. How many times have you called a bar worker “Bar Bitch” to their face?
Then when they serve another customer, spit in the ice out of spite?

25 05 2011
Mick

I give Fev five years before he does time.

He won’t get another start in the big time. He’ll bounce from menial footy job to menial footy job for a while, still living on reputation and mates. Then it will stop. He’ll need a real job. He’s incapable of doing it.

It’ll be drugs. Done for possession with intent. Who will take this bet? Fev would, but he has a gambling addiction.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m going to agree. He appears to have little intelligence so the media job won’t last (except Sandilands seems to get away with it. Can’t see where he has to go except selling his body bit by bit to science.

25 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Or to a bunch of fat chicks.

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I think any chick has more taste than that. He could service Mick’s Camel though

25 05 2011
Vviv2

Only if the entire rugby team held it down!
Even camels have standards 😛

25 05 2011
Mick

I know a girl who used to be a camel wrangler in Broome.

She reckons the camels were much nicer than the people.

25 05 2011
Vviv2

She’s got it right, the camels are really sweet….
heaps of fun to race too! 😛

25 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

They fart a lot. I like fart jokes.

25 05 2011
Vviv2

Who doesn’t? It’s one of those universal things…. 😛

26 05 2011
Vviv2

Nuff said….

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I’m tipping my kids will be watching a Holograph of Gangs of Oz S047E03 featuring Fev, Cousins and a Philipino National of indeterminate sex with a bunch of hollow surfboards and surprised expressions.
“back at the turn of the century they had it all…”
montage.

27 05 2011
Edward

I’d take that bet except I know that I’d be losing the money. There are former sports stars who tender their familiarity with local identities into supporting themselves as minor players in the criminal classes.

I’d say say drugs, too.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

srsly. how good is Origin.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

oh that’s graet!
fox sports america taking Origin

Thurston!!!

into 40 million american homes and I can’t watch it live in adelaide.

26 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I’m still depressed over the scoreline. Of course it’s St George players that fark it all up. Carnts. Glass them all.

26 05 2011
Mick

It’s because SA is full of bogans.

TBL#1743. Deriding All Sports Except The One They Kinda Understand.

Cop it all the time in the west. I love sport. Played all kind of different things. Love a contest and love watching a contest. There are cries of incredibility whenever I announce that I can watch NRL and AFL. On the same weekend. Hardcore. Soccer as well. Not Ultimate Fighting, though. That’s rubbish. Bogans love that.

Chubb, find a friend with Imparja. They show it live. Does SA have Imparja? Probably not, the good folk of Lizbeff wouldn’t watch anything with indigenous programming on it.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I nearly died of League withdrawal living in Perth in the nineties. SOO broadcast one year was delayed by two days. I have a theory that they very jealously protect their AFL audiences in places like Perth & Adelaide.
Imparja is a good tip. I think one might pick it up in the North of the state…
the solution is Foxtel. I could have gone up to the outlaws, but I have a wee head cold just now and Mrs Senior is in hospital (had a knee replaced) and of course My Favourite Bogan’s gorgeous little curly angel is a reg’lar up there so I thought it best to contain my little virion gang here. I bought a telstra T-Box so I can at least watch all the games eventually, instead of whatever nein decide to dish up between Oh Dark Hundred and sparrow fart on friday night.
Yeah sport’s graet. I’m not convinced that soccer is actually a sport but. maybe a proto-sport….?
which reminds me. where’s Simon?

26 05 2011
Davo

I can appreciate the skills needed to play soccer. But it takes more than fancy tricks to make it a sport.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

bravo.

26 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve been watching the Giro de Italia. It’s chess on wheels and one of the pure human sporting endeavors(cept those on EPO, shush). You need foxtel though unless you are a libtard like Martin and can torrent your bytes or something.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

srsly I was looking at some bicycles in an bicycle shop just recently.
A canadian one… starts with J.
but mountain bikes
a full sus carbon fibre starts with J. today only for 2Large.
I was surprised. a nice piece of kit.
I was looking at the $900 dollar ones
and the $1800 dollar ones.
and thinking there is no way.
probably.
but I like the idea. lost about 6kilos this year and feeling fit.
if slightly insane.
and verbose.

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I will sell you my old piece of Italian carbon fibre Chub. One careful owner, 4 years old, new running gear, full retail 7k, price to friends 2k. Srlsly.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I’m looking more at off road bikes.
The rugged outdoors thing matches my stretch denim speed suit.
Plus if I’m in the bush I can continue wearing my cardboard helmet without being paranoid that every cop who passes is gonna bust me.
they all stare. one’s sure to twig it’s a fake soon.
maybe if I wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots I can just run away if they try to pull me up.
(you should have called me Si, I could have got you something with a motor for that sort of money)

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

See, the weird thing is I don’t want a motor. I like the hurt. I might need to consult someone about this. I will gi out tomorrow morn, it will be about 2c and I will think it’s great. There is something wrong with me!

29 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I used to run a lot.
In high Perth summer once I was wondering why the hell I was doing this to myself.
and I realised it’s because it feels soooo good when you stop.

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And the beer tastes good, but not Corona, only Martin drinks that swill.

29 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

Jamis
it was a Jamis.
by the way.
an I don’t think it was from Canadia
now that I think about it.
and Edna says no I cant have 2k for a treadly
she says I can’t have $900 either.
There’s a Huffy out for hard rubbish down the road,
20″
dual suspension
no back wheel.
whaddaya reckon?
(it’s in my price range)
I slipped off the seat of the Shogun up sturt gorge today and pinched a nut.
and the bag carrier makes a lot of noise.

29 05 2011
Mick

I’ve got an old Nishiki you can have for $50. Only owner before me was Hubert Opperman.

True. I wouldn’t lie to you.

26 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

My first reaction was to arc up with indignation, but Mick you are spot on. When the TDU is in town, everyone is an instant cycling expert. Ditto when the V8 boganmobiles arrive. The less said about AFL the better. God help the poor yokels, I mean locals on KI when the surfing carnival comes to town.

26 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I hate AFL and soccer, and only care about union when it’s international games.

But I love basketball and American football. I guess I’m just wierd.

26 05 2011
Mick

I don’t understand basketball or gridiron, so it must be rubbish.

28 05 2011
p'bee

there’s nothing to understand with gridiron. the players don’t understand much either – that’s clear from the fact that there’s both an offensive and defensive team, because clearly one player can’t know how to do two things in the usa.

28 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

There is something a bit wrong with people who watch Basketball, I’ve been to a couple of games and they are just not quite right, and if I hear that f*cking Queen song again…….

I like Gridion though, but only if they edit it heavily. Why do the main American sports, gridiron and Baseball, involve sooo much down time. Baseball sucks.

28 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

*shoulder-glasses for implying there’s something wrong with me*

Baseball sucks.

26 05 2011
martin

Basketball is racist. The players are 95% black.

26 05 2011
Mick

What part of them is white?

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

the commentary box

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

wonder if we could turn Bogans on to Jenkem?
possibly the best meme ever.
it’s been quiet for long enough.
bogans are idiots
News would love it.
Y’know it was the daily Tele back in the early nineties who told me I could just catch a train up to Cabra Station and get Hammer. true story.
what if we let them know there’s a mad Jenkem craze on at Malabar…

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I missed TBL.
I got distracted by twitter.
twitter feels like I am standing on a cliff edge, bellowing inanities into space.
TBL feels like I am standing in my backyard bellowing inanities at the Neighbours.
It just makes more sense.

26 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

http://duderocket.com/features/cunty-affair/00773-drinking-craze-sweeping-nation

Today’s article. Not much bogan piss-taking, but I sneak in a crying swamp donkey at the end.

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Ash, and today we get B&B!

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

verbose git.
that really hurt.

26 05 2011
Vviv2

‘s OK Chub, you’re cute, you can get away with it…. 😛

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

and anyway.
I’m not sarcastic.
and I don’t know what irony is either
I just say “that’s not ironic” when people say irony.
and I don’t do 4chan, I did ED
and I i din’t even really do it much.
I said W gaped howard and wore him as a hat (a lne I stole from Mick)
and australian internets are made of wet string, old filing cabinets and rich people’s farts.
I was still at lurk moar when it went down and have contributed nothing since apart from putting back some guro.
it was actually Fiona of Toorak who directed me there first.
now She was a great troll. she would have kicked Mel in the nuts.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

and I’m not sulking
I have to go to work.

and this is nothing.
geez, I haven’t even been here for a month.
I blogged a whole sarcastic ironic trip around australia by commodore in here.
(never told youse it was a commodore did I?)
and I have A.D.D.

A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.Jesu! Jesu!A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.A.D.D.

that’s Art.

26 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

A.D.D. = Adult Discipline Deficiency. Ain’t nothing wrong with you that a good clip under the ear wouldn’t sort out, ya brat.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

damn rite!
I never did me any harm.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

it
never did me any harm.
got belted at boarding school, at home, in the Army, and in Gaol.
did me good I reckon.

26 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

… and get off me front lawn.

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

can I have my bawz back?

26 05 2011
Vviv2

Have you been traveling round Aus Chubby? I do that for at least 3 months every year…. Just love it!
Not in a commodore though, in a converted bus….much more room & a real bed. You won’t find that in a commodore! 😛

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

yo
we had eight months on the road with a commodore station wagon, a nylon tent from Anaconda (which they graciously replaced twice), a 105aH deep cycle battery, a gas stove, 40l Waeco and a Bull Terrier puppy. we went through six air mattri including a $100 Coleman Bigfoot King Size (which was a queen size). On just under $300/week. I had to shoplift to feed us for the last month.
Awesome Trip.
we were only supposed to be moving to Nimbin to begin with…
but I’m being verbose.
Turns out you can drive a Commodore to Bamaga, but you really shouldn’t. I’ve upgraded to a Disco now.
we are in awe of the self contained vehicle. 😀

see you out there eh?

26 05 2011
Vviv2

You sure will…. I’m of to Lake Ayre. the Flinders Ranges &
Arkaroola in July, Can’t wait!! 😛
Did you make it to Nimbin? Will they ever recover?

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

see my gravatar pic.
live footage.
Upper Clarence Valley to be spp.
😉
we went past nimbin, up to cape york, across the top and down the west coast.

Flinder’s Ranges next.
my co-pilot is up the duff just now so we’ll be parked up here for a bit.

26 05 2011
Vviv2

Want me to send you photos? I just scored a great new camera….
I’m like a Japanese tourist with a camera, cos I paint from them once I’m home

26 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

sweet.
do.
I bang off heaps of pics too,
cos I like to store them in folders on my hard drive and dream about mounting them on the big touring map which is somewhere in my big stack of papers in the pigeon holes by the ping pong table whilst I’m smoking dope in the shed.

I think I just had an idea for my first blog entry.

do you have any of your paintings up?

26 05 2011
Vviv2

I’ve got them in galleries in most states, but I sell most as I’m painting them on my travels.
You have to have dreams, or you may as well give up….
Here’s some links to my bogan emus

26 05 2011
Vviv2

I’ve got them in galleries in most states, but I sell most as I’m painting them on my travels.
You have to have dreams, without them you may as well give up….
Here’s some links for my bogan emus

1 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Viv2,

I’ve seen your paintings. The vet on The Parade in Adelaide has some. Emus in footy jumpers. Nice work.

1 06 2011
Vviv2

Sorry Simon, they’re not mine. I loathe football with a passion.
I know a few of my emus turned bogan, but I’d like to think they still had standards! 😛
If you happen by there again though, I’d love to know the artist’s name….

1 06 2011
Vviv2

If you click on my gravatar, there’s a few more paintings in my images…. Lot easier than trying to post links!

1 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s next door to my work will check it out tomorrow. Damn they look like your emus.

2 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Vviv2,

The artist is Williams. I snapped one with my iphone to give you an idea.

2 06 2011
Vviv2

Thanx for that Simon. I’ve not heard of the artist, but you’re right….the emus are very cute!

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Edna,

Good work. Here comes Nimrod Gympie Bloodfart – Focke Witte.

Stay well and Guntoxen.

27 05 2011
Vviv2

Congrats to you both!
I’m wondering if the world is ready for the little Focke-Witte?
With you for a teacher, he/she is bound to cause anarchy in one form or another….

27 05 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

Chubby will be on a very short leash and strict set of boundaries. We are agreed that everything up until now is research into Doing it Wrong, the results have been conclusive and will be passed to posterity.
(We have settled on a hyphenated surname of Blood-Focke for junior by the way.)
😡

27 05 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

…and that smiley was supposed to be a kiss!

27 05 2011
Vviv2

Look on the bright side Edna, children are supposed to take after their grandparents more than their parents, so perhaps anarchy will skip a generation, if you’re lucky….. 😛
Between the two of you, your babe will get the best education of all, & when you travel, you too, will see the places you visit through brand new eyes.
Blood-Focke sounds better than Fart-Witte
xx

27 05 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

Thanks Simon.
It’s very exciting. We have a morphology ultrasound on Tuesday. We will know the sex then. Chubby wants to put the evidence online. The name will be kept secret though, last time we mentioned a name in here a minor celebrity stole it.

Guntoxen Simon.
Guntoxen

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You can’t use Sailor Shelly, Grant Denyer already did. Sorry, I feel your disappointment.

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

On the plus side though Alec Eiffel has not been used for a while.

28 05 2011
p'bee

congratulations!
and what about settee as a name for the little’un? inspired by mariah carey naming her kid after a room and a type of chair (morrocan for those unaware). you could even put in superfluous apostrophe or two.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

hmm.
well Gympie is a given of course.
I like the utilitarian angle… (V 21c)
but we want something unique …
B’cycli?

27 05 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

Oh Wow!
I just remembered.
I heard some loon in America say jesus is coming back in october…
and little Gympie is due in october….
MY WIFE IS CARRYING THE MESSIAH.
would that show up on the ultrasound?

27 05 2011
Vviv2

Depending on your religion Chubby, that would make you God?
Or not…. 😛
Perhaps you should avoid any toga parties just in case.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

well, God Emperor
technically.

since I just made you all up

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

28 05 2011
Pandabater

Yes, look for the sign.

Intenz Gympie Blood-Focke

27 05 2011
Mick

Hoorah for Chubb and Edna.

27 05 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

We owe it to the gene pool mick.
Thankyou.
Every time I remember Port Hedland I say a little prayer for you.

27 05 2011
Mick

“Don’t cry for me, I’m already dead.”

Whatever you two do, give the child an education. That’ll help little Blood-Focke keep away from places where a salt pile is the tourist attraction.

27 05 2011
Mick

I will take any opportunity to play Aretha.

27 05 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

Australia’s most erudite miner.
R.e.s.p.e.c.t

27 05 2011
Edward

Agreed, Fi. was a good troll. I was operating under the theory that she was nom-de-plume for one of the blog-writers, for a while. Given that she had the first post so often, I thought that she was being used to stimulate discussion. Still seems like a valid theory now, despite having done some checking and found a series of old Twitter posts.

Ha, we had nothing to do with Fiona, we’ve always identified ourselves when participating in any discussion. Like now, for example. TBL

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

One of the writers operated early as Rusty Beamish but I think Fiona was an indie troll, she had a bit of pre-history on newspaper forums with the same tricks.

27 05 2011
Mick

Yeah, Fi and Kevin of Double Bay have been baiting bogans for yonks.

Kevin was my favourite but he didn’t last long when he came here. Pity.

27 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

I agree. Just reckon Kevin must be lazy; why work hard at it on TBL when you can get the day’s bag limit of victims in 15 minutes over at news.com

27 05 2011
martin

I think Kevin came to the realisation that he was in fact a bogan too. Just not the standard variety of course.

I wonder what happened to Fi. Surely she doesn’t have a job.
Maybe she got nailed by the GFC and had to move to Frankston.

27 05 2011
Mick

Probably working at the Pleasure Dome.

I’d pay $200 to do Fi.

27 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

not even tweeting
they’ve cut her payments for rorting the flood relief and she can’t afford more vodafone

29 05 2011
Tyfffannee the bogan princess

As someone who lives in Frankston, and used to live in SA, I think I have hit the bogan bonus. I like to drive around in my car with SA plates (people aim for me) with the I love Frankston sticker on the back. Note the GFC did not cause a ripple up here, I believe it might have even created a bit of a population boom. Even saying that the place isn’t so bad, I like to think of some of the bogan traits as being “unique”.

28 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. As if I’d bother to write a blog. I have a superior life to lead.

PS: I’ve missed all you lesser people.

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Fi, remember how we used to get in trouble for straying off topic? Lucky those people have left us huh, now we rarely get on topic.

29 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

Cats are stupid.

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

yeah

29 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, what did you expect from the lesser people?

29 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.
Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.
Never intefere in a boy-and-girl fight.
Beware of whores who say they don’t want money.
The hell they don’t.
What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you’re doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch,
Get it in writing.
His word isn’t worth shit.
Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid fuck-ups.
We all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with,
No matter how good it sounds,
Turns into a disaster.
Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly:
I am not paid to listen to this drivel.
You are a terminal boob.

Now some of you may encounter the Devil’s Bargain,
If you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving,
At least to a priest,
But not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first.
You know like money,
All the money there is.
But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetary?
Money won’t buy.
Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.

Well time hits the hardest blows.
Especially below the belt.
How’s a young body grab you?
Like three card monte, like pea under the shell,
Now you see it, now you don’t.
Haven’t you forgotten something, gramps?
In order to feel something,
You’ve got to be there.
You have to be eighteen.
You’re not eighteen.
You are seventy-eight.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

Well they always try the easiest ones first.
How about an honorable bargain?
You always wanted to be a doctor,
Well now’s your chance.
Why don’t you become a great healer
And benefit humanity?
What’s wrong with that?
Just about everything.
Just about everything.
There are no honorable bargains
Involving exchange
Of qualitative merchandise
Like souls
For quantitative merchandise
Like time and money.
So piss off Satan
And don’t take me for dumber than I look.

An old junk pusher told me –
Watch whose money you pick up

30 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. William Seward Burroughs. ❤ I am more well read than JUST the Classics, of course.

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I never doubted it.

30 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. For the bogans here who can only process information aurally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqBIgCb7dv0

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
27 05 2011
lolplates

Sadly that site is classified as ‘porn’ by my work internet filter…. looks like i’ll be getting a visit soon 😦

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Good luck LoL. I see no porn there, just bewilderment.

27 05 2011
Mick

Thankfully, the steroids and the silicon will leave these two unable to breed.

27 05 2011
chubbybloodfart BBo

I think it is pr0n.
those people are fu#ked.

27 05 2011
martin

F#ck you Simon! Oh well, there’s a douche who got what he deserved at least.

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I knew that one would please you Martin. Ash probably wants to do her.

28 05 2011
Edward

The comments section is foetid.

27 05 2011
urbanreverie

In the absence of a Boganomics thread, and because I can’t wait due to other commitments, I’ll use this thread as a stage for the latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

(THE SCENE: The front door of BOGUE and BOGUETTE’s McMansion during a weekend twilight. BOGUE, BOGUETTE, AIDEN, BRAIDEN, JAIDEN and KAIDEN exit the front door and close it behind them. BOGUETTE is carrying a large bowl full of potato salad bought from the deli counter at Coles.)

BOGUETTE: So, why are we goin’ over to Jason and Rebekkah’s tonight?

BOGUE: Dunno. He just called to me over the back fence the uvva night, he invited us over for a little get-together. He said he had sumfint to show me or stuff.

BOGUETTE: Fair enough. But man, Rebekka shits me to tears, she’s such a slag … and Aiden! If you swear and carry on in front of Jason’s girls like you did the last time, I’ll f#$%in’ tear you to pieces! You unnerstand me, you little arsewipe?

(AIDEN shrugs his shoulders and looks down at the ground. BOGUE’s family walk across their driveway and onto JASON and REBEKKAH’s frontyard, and knock on the front door, which is answered by JASON, a tall, musuclar, fairly well-groomed man the same age as BOGUE who is wearing a striped polo shirt, three-quarter length denim shorts, black sandals and a Billabong baseball cap with sunglasses perched on top. REBEKKAH is a petite, slender redhead the same age as BOGUETTE wearing denim shorts, a bright fluoro boob tube and far too much turqouise-coloured glitter eyeshadow. The kids run through to the backyard where MADDELYN, MADDYSYN, MONTARNAH and MARGHERITA are playing.)

JASON: G’day, buddy! Great to have you around, mate! How’re you doin’?

BOGUE: Not too shabby, champ. And yerself?

JASON: Oh, not too bad at all. Woohoo, potato salad, me favourite!

BOGUE: Yeah, me missus spent all afternoon making it. I hope you enjoy it!

REBEKKAH: Oh, we will. Anyway I need your help in the kitchen while the blokes do their shit on the barbie, wanna help me?

BOGUETTE: Sure, no worries! (disappears with REBEKKAH upstairs into the kitchen)

JASON: Anyway, mate, you gotta see what I got last week! (leads BOGUE past the grand sitting area through the rumpus room into the outdoor entertaining area, and points out a huge heavy-duty black contraption with more knobs than a nuclear power station console)

BOGUE: Wow … a new barbie! Cool!

JASON: Yeah, six burners all the way, baby! Woohoo! What about you, mate? Still got your old four burner?

BOGUE: Umm … yeah … we have a new one … umm … on lay-by at Barbecues Galore! Yeah … hahaha …

JASON: Ahhh, cool. And before we light this mofo up, take a look at this! (points out a brand new 55″ 3D TV in the rumpus room)

BOGUE: Wow, nice telly! Man, they must pay you pretty well at the car dealership!

JASON: Yeah, mate. Met all me targets for the March quarter, got a nice little reward, woohoo! (rubs thumb and forefinger together) So, when are you gettin’ a 3D TV?

BOGUE: Ahh … soon, mate. Me and me missus are working plenty of overtime, the both of us … so yeah, pretty soon … umm … hahahaha! (shouts at the backyard) Aiden! If I ever catch you pullin’ on Maddelyn’s ponytail ever again, I swear you’ll be black and blue after I’ve finished with you! Behave yourself, unnerstand?

JASON: So mate, ever going to get your car back?

BOGUE: Umm, yeah mate, it’s in the courts now and stuff. Yeah, they reckon the bloke I bought the car off stole it, but no way, man!

BOGUETTE: (enters with REBEKKAH carrying trays of sliced onion, sausages and marinated steak) Oh wow, here’s the new barbie! No need to cook any more, hey, Rebekkah? Just let yer hubby do everyfint out here, hahaha!

BOGUE: Ahhh, just the lady I wanted to see! Your old man tells me you’re doing heaps of overtime at the mobile shop in the shopping centre. Anyway, I have an iPhone 3G, I want to upgrade to an iPhone 4. You reckon you can do any deals? Just fer a friend and neighbour?

BOGUETTE: Oh no, sorry. I don’t work there any more, the shop closed down a couple of munfs ago or sumfint. Me cousin Shevonne just opened up a beauty salon though on a Housing Commission estate a few suburbs away a fortnight ago, I’ll probably get a shift or two there a week, I can do you a discount on a manicure or a facial or … umm … err …

(BOGUE glares at BOGUETTE, arms folded)

BOGUETTE: Ummm, did I say sumfint wrong? What’s the matter, honey …?

(BOGUE stares, unblinking, at BOGUETTE)

BOGUETTE: Ummm … well? What did I say?

BOGUE: Urughruurhgughrgghkurrgghnt! That’s it! I’m angry! And I’m angry because you made me angry! And because you made me angry, that must mean that I’m angry! Because if I wasn’t angry, then I wouldn’t be angry! In fact, I am so angry, I get even angrier thinking about how much anger there is inside of me! Urrghgurghkurgghnt!

BOGUETTE: What? I didn’t say nuffint to make you angry! Get over yourself!

BOGUE: You dare farkin’ embarrass me in front of me next door neighbours! “Oh, I don’t have a job!” “Oh, the mobile phone shop closed down!” “Oh, I’ll probably get a job filin’ the nails of houso scum soon!” What, you want the whole farkin’ postcode to know that you’re just a bludgin’ bitch?

(JASON and REBEKKAH stand there, mouth agape)

BOGUETTE: What, so you want me to lie? You want me to be a bullshit artist, do ya? How the hell was I supposed to know that I wasn’t allowed to say I’m lookin’ for work? What do you fink I am, a bloody mind reader?

BOGUE: Fer fark’s sake, woman. I know it’s difficult for a dumb bitch like you, but use some farkin’ common sense for crying out loud! What, do you want your neighbours to know that you’re a friggin’ lazy bludger?

BOGUETTE: Listen! I’ve had it up to here wiv your bullshit! The mobile phone shop closed down, nuffint to do with me, I’ve been lookin’ for work, you know I have. I’m the one who gets up at four o’clock in the morning to drive you to work because your XR6 got repossessed an’ shit! But no, you just gotta call me a bludger all the time, and snot bloody fair! Snot bloody fair, I tell ya!

JASON: Uhhh …

REBEKKAH: Uhhh …

JASON: Mate, you didn’t have to lie to me or anyfint. I don’t give a toss if yer old lady’s out of work or if your car got repo’ed. I’m … I dunno, what, are you trying to impress me or sumfint? Like I’ve ever tried to impress you …

BOGUE: Bullshit! The only bloody reason you invited me over here tonight was to rub our noses in the fact that you’ve got a six-burner barbecue and a you-beaut 3D telly and we don’t. Admit it!

REBEKKAH: Umm … I think you guys have outstayed your welcome here.

JASON: Yeah mate, probably best we wrap things up if you’re gonna accuse me of stuff like that. Like I care what you fink of me barbie and me telly anyway!

BOGUE: OK. Fine. (shouts at backyard) C’mon kids, we’re goin’ home! Aiden! Let go of Maddelyn’s necklace roit now or you’re grounded for life, you little shit!

THE END

27 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Urban, I thought you were going to move on to a Harley reveal, likely to lead to a wrist slash from Bogue!

27 05 2011
Davo

Upstairs kitchen! That Jason bloke’s doin alright.

27 05 2011
urbanreverie

Most McMansions I’ve been in have the kitchen upstairs (sometimes opening up to a deck). Most of the downstairs is taken up by the double garage!

27 05 2011
Davo

How the hell do you get a massive fridge upstairs? Must need a crane.

27 05 2011
urbanreverie

Hmmm good point! I’ll have to ask the owner of one of the McMansions next time I talk to her …

Then again, bedrooms are always upstairs – how do you get king-size beds, massive wardrobes, etc. up there? And how do they get fridges into the upper floors of four-storey blocks of walk-up flats?

Hmmm, this has made me very curious.

27 05 2011
Pandabater

Ask the poor bastards being paid 17 bucks an hour to do it.

27 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I’m curious too…
I think there might be a buck in inventing some sort of fridge mortar.

28 05 2011
martin

Beds come apart into bits. You just need an alan key. As for the fridge you just need one of those wheely trolly things.

29 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

McMansions have giant doors and very wide corridors for that reason, Urban.

Anyway, another solid if not great post. If the counselor ep was You’re Living All Over Me and last weeks’ was Green Mind, this week would be Beyond.
/hipstermoment

I shall now glass myself.

29 05 2011
urbanreverie

Ash, if you’re going to compare each episode to the Counsellor ep, they’re all gonna appear shit. 😛

Anyway, Ash. Just. Wait. Until. Next. Friday. The story has been fermenting in my head all weekend … I’m sure it will age well in my cerebral cellar and become a marvellous vintage.

The thing is, I won’t be able to post it from uni. It will have to wait until I get home. So it might be a bit later in the day than recent episdoes. But I’m sure you will understand. 😛

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I hope next week is like their cover of Lotta Love then.

Pretentious nerd moment.

28 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

we were able to afford an upstairs kitchen by not having a downstairs.

28 05 2011
Davo

My neigbours are trying to pull down next door. Both our houses are cheap shit built in 1890. I’m happy to see the shit next door get pulled down, exept my dunny runs through their property, and the owner doesn’t know shit about shit when it comes to property law. The dumb prick thinks he can beat council and state and build whatever he wants.
Fucking wogs and property, bad mix

27 05 2011
Vviv2

O-kay! I’m starting to look forward to these weekly episodes.
How much more will boguette put up with before she turns feral?
Will bogue learn to appreciate her patience & manicures?
Worse….
Will I have to go into rehab if you decide to stop?
😛

28 05 2011
Edward

Bogue is coming apart at the seams isn’t he ?

The inarticulate growl which finally find expression in the same epithet is a sign that whatever self-control he had is failing him. In real life, some people like this become anxiety-relief rapists, others spousal abusers, a few affiliate themselves with scapegoat groups, like the old Australian Nationalist Movement (Jack van Tongerens’ organization which fire-bombed some restaurants in the mid 1980’s and again after he was released from prison) and a lot end up in the district court over disproportionate acts of violence unjustified by any extrapolation of provocation as it is defined by law (road-rage incidents, stupid punch-ups outside a pub, after the gestation of a burning sense of vengeance leads to the defendant loitering around outside until the victim leaves).

It’s a good portrait of disintegration, Urban, but please for Jeebus’ sake not the sex-offender thing. You paint a picture well, and that’s one I couldn’t look at. The thing I remember most about Muriels Wedding was the dialogue about one of the Porpoise Spit queen-bees husband going to prison after sexually assaulting a Japanese tourist, and his wife declaiming “But he doesn’t even like Japanese people”. The film, ‘The Boys’ still makes me shudder when I remember.

28 05 2011
martin

I saw The Boys. I found it to be somewhere between a soapie and a serious movie, because no actor can accurately imitate how feral, inbred and stupid the bogan is.

29 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I got “the boys” the other night haven’t watched it yet.
anyone seen Snowtown yet?
#adelaide

29 05 2011
martin

Nup. Looking forward to it. He was a vicious, sadistic mofo.

And a massive bogan!

29 05 2011
Vviv2

The scariest part of Snowtown is that the one who instigated the majority of it is still at large, he was clever enough to keep well in the shadows, & hence was never prosecuted. The group had also lived close to each other in NSW years before, & the fate of many missing people from that area is still being investigated.
A friend of mine was lucky enough to have been adopted out at birth from the main family involved, & very nearly became their last victim….

29 05 2011
Vviv2

Sorry…Didn’t mean to stop discussion on the movie.
Should have been called ‘BOGANS GONE BAD’
I’m looking forward to it too, just seeing it from another perspective 😛

29 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

IMHO Bunting, Wagener et al were beyond bogan. They were sad bits of pathetic flotsam seeking to assert themselves in the only way their tiny twisted minds knew how: anger and violence.
A few friends have seen it and some have been quite disturbed by it. I read Susan Mitchell’s book when it was first published and that was pretty intense.

29 05 2011
Davo

“Chook dont even like the japanesse”

27 05 2011
Davo

I overheard a boguette today talking about the next school holidays. Apparently it’s ok to take your kids out of school a week early because “they dont learn anything and they only do god shit”. They’ll be heading down to the van at Rosebud a week early so they can beat the traffic, her friends are doing the same so they can all get pissed together, the kids will be free to do whatever. The hubbies wont be down this time so the boguettes are going to try their luck at the pub.

27 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

So will one of the boguettes will get a permanent souvenir of their stolen weekend, with sprog no.5 on the way…they’ll have to somehow find a way to cover their tracks, as not to break the bogue’s fragile ego that the errant foetus is not a product of their loins.

Makes one wonder how many kids in those areas akin to that highlighted in urbanreverie’s serial are sired not of the man they call “daddy”…apparently, it’s something like 1 in 10.

Something about reaping what you sow comes to mind here…

28 05 2011
Ash - In Yr Glassin' Barns, Glassin' Yr Carnts

I know of at least three kids to former boguette acquaintances who were not sired by their boyfriend/husband at the time, and a couple on the way.

I’m paranoid as hell about one of them though. Let’s just say I might have inside knowledge as to who the daddy is.

27 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

I’m starting to think “final solution” here…. Does that make me a bad person?

27 05 2011
chubbybloodfart BBo

we’re brainstorming just now, so everything is in Chris.

28 05 2011
Davo

Holy fucking shit balls. My Local pub has well and truely gone to shit. So many dirty old moles and dirty fuckas to fill them.

28 05 2011
Davo

I’d have more fun at Bar 20. If the powers that be didn’t think it was wrong.

29 05 2011
Edward

I have been seeing television advertisements for a Chinese made S.U.V. (The Chery J-11). It has been given a price-point which keeps the cost under $ 20,000 AUS . What sort of four-wheel-drive does one get for $19,999 ?

29 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. A Chinese one of course.

29 05 2011
martin

I’m sure it’ll do the job. ie killing people in a crash where otherwise no one would have been hurt. That’s the whole point I believe. To be a c$nt.

29 05 2011
Edward

Maybe it’s like a Tata Nano. The objective being to build something which meets a minimal definition to be a car, but at as low a unit cost as possible.

This could become amusing though. The British car industry of the late 1960’s through to the late 1970’s reflected a recognition that business as usual wasn’t working and they began thinking outside the box. Such wonders as the Robin Reliant, Peel P 50 and Leyland P 76 resulted.

(Actually the P 76 was apparently an attempt to add European luxury features previously only seen as a standard feature on things like Mercedes, like power mirrors, to an American styled body. Then they tried to produce it at a cost lower than the vehicles they had drawn inspiration from.)

29 05 2011
Mick

Candidate #15 in Mick’s 2011 Dating Odyssey has a Great Wall twin cab. She loves it.

In saying this, it never goes off-road. It runs between home, schools and shopping centres. Cheap and reliable. Score one for the Chinese.

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Did Mick score as well?

29 05 2011
Mick

Mick could have…geez, I’m up myself. Candidates #7and #15 were still in the race until #17 wowed the judges . I stopped at #17 because she has moved on to the third round.

Not saying much more. Candidate #17 will be encouraged to post here. With her profession, the insight to the bogan mind could be invaluable.

29 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We look forward to hearing from #17 soon Mick. Does she run a Harvey Norman?

29 05 2011
Mick

No, but she knows why they shop there.

Perhaps the marketing boys at TBL can give her a job?

29 05 2011
Edward

Hello Fi., were you’re ears burning ?

I stepped away to find a link and here it is.

http://www.cherymotors.com.au/default.asp?action=article&ID=21793&gclid=CKvo5_6rjKkCFUxtpAodgFz1kw

29 05 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ew, even my servants wouldn’t drive one of those monstrosities. At least, not onto the ancestral estate.

29 05 2011
Edward

Welcome back.

29 05 2011
Tyfffannee the bogan princess

I know im late but couldnt be bothered going back up to offer congratulations to the new parents to be. Can I just make a suggestion – while you are enjoying the wonders of the Flinders Ranges, dont get inspired to name your sprog after the locals. I nearly drove off the road laughing the other day when I heard a street name on the radio that means “shit” in our local language. I know cultural names are so trendy but make sure you get translations. If you do a Posh and Becks, can we take bets on where it was so made and hence will be named – Christie Downs is such a stripper name!

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

noted.
actual potential names have been drawn from the family tree in the interests of safety and self esteem.
😀

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

102 posts on this page.
plus maybe one still in moderation.
now that is verbose
Bitch
Mel I’m sorry if you were offended

anybody else, do NOT click the link
NOT

30 05 2011
moar caek

well it upped the comment count a bit at least

30 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You are a sick puppy!

30 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chub is right, that is going to stay with me a while.

30 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

oh bejaysus, chub. A defcon 1 alert and 3 different sirens just went off in the IT department two storeys up.

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

I tried to warn youse.
I’ve never really looked at it.
can’t.

30 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

haha… now you tell me.

30 05 2011
Vviv2

Phuk Chubby!
I really DO need to get out more….
I never dreamed you could find stuff like this, I didn’t even make it 1/4 of the way down the page

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

me either.
I’ve never really looked at the whole page properly.
a couple of them are classic trolling gear – Pain Series, Goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty…
once I saw those I figured what was coming and bailed out.
you could argue they’re memes…

30 05 2011
chubbybloodfart
30 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

ghaaaaa…. eyebleach plz

30 05 2011
Vviv2

I don’t think I’ll ever learn to appreciate American humour….

This is a good thing!

30 05 2011
chris - If you glass us, do we not bleed?

Reminds me of the Tegan & Sara song: “I was walking with a goatse”.

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