The bogan will tell you that banks are greedy, evil institutions run by corporate fat cats and con men. But in 2009, the average Australian bogan willingly gave at least 10% of its disposable income to banks and other providers of consumer credit. The bogan does not extend this kind of generosity to any other group, proving that despite often bleating to the contrary regarding profiteering, hidden fees and other on Today Tonight and A Current Affair, bogans like banks.
This contradictory behaviour is typical of the bogan, and is driven by some of the bogan’s primordial likes: owning things, big things (and therefore owning big things), along with its inability to think beyond the next ad break in Two and a Half Men, which renders incomprehensible the concept of saving. This means that in order to own big things, the bogan must find someone else to pay for them. Enter banks. Bank executives, rivalling Max Markson in the evil genius stakes, have long known that the bogan is incapable of turning down even the most draconian, financially crippling loan agreement in order to acquire a bigger house, car, television and ride-on lawn mower than its neighbour, today.
While the bogan will cry foul when its credit becomes more expensive or financing is denied, and the bank will respond quoting wholesale funding costs or default rate statistics, this type of exchange can be likened more to a lover’s tiff than any deep-seated hatred – on the part of the bogan at least. Deep down the bogan knows that its love for, and dependence on, its bank is never ending; life simply would not be worth living without the tender touch of finance that allows it to partially own such a vast array of objects.
It is a match made in heaven. The bogan: hunter gatherer of consumer goods, provider of interest payments. The bank: able to satisfy the bogan’s deepest desires with the gentle caress of a rubber stamp between the sheets of its loan application form.