Friday Boganomics – ‘Cut your debt, fool!’

13 05 2011

Wayne Swan spent a great deal of time reminding the nation of just how tough this year’s budget was going to be. While this is hardly a new strategy for federal treasurers, this year, the bogan had a creeping sense of unease; folk in their ivory towers were whispering about cuts to middle-class welfare. Really, Swanny had to be tough, in competing with a man of REAL ACTION across the aisle, he was forced to straddle the line between two of the bogan’s greatest needs: budget surpluses and free stuff.

‘Money is wasted when not spent on bogans.’ Were the bogan’s eco-political philosophy to be distilled into one sentence (it cannot), it would be this. While tap-dancing delicately between its deeply-held belief in the primacy of the free market and its deeply-held belief that battlers need a fair go, the bogan comes to understand economics. It understands that the government budget should be run like a household budget, and that households must not live beyond their means. Meanwhile, while scraping together the monthly 25% interest payments on the 50” Panasonic flatscreen it bought from Harvey Norman interest free for 18 months 21 months ago, it knows that cost of living pressures mean that the government must DO SOMETHING.

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69 responses

13 05 2011
BoganJim

No worries, Tony Abbott will save us all from taxes and interest rate hikes. Then our kids can pay for it all later… suckers! Boy are they in for a ride!

13 05 2011
James Hunter

Boganjim,
Foney rabbit couldnt even present a costed reply budget. what a pillock

13 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Off topic but when and why did the wearing of fluro move from Nanny state impostion to badge of pride working man uniform?

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Not saying it’s the correct answer, but it’s my two bob’s worth. I reckon it coincided with the popularity of working down the moines.
Sad w@nkers tooling around in their powder-blue pimped out utes fantasising about being chief geologist for Rio Tinto.

13 05 2011
Mick

I first noticed it about 10 years ago. Back then we could wear what we liked but the nanny state changed the rules. The true bogan lapped it up. I’d have a whinge about looking like a council worker and take it off before I went to the boozer. The bogue would wear it to the pub, take a swig and give a big sigh. To the non-bogues out there I shall translate.

Sigh=”f#ckin’ look at me. I be shiny and reflecterative and I knowse just by youse lookin’ at me that you think I’m a hard workin’ man and youse pillowbiters in your collars and ties wouldn’t know a hard days work if it bit you on the arse! Wanna see my pay docket, sport?”

13 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Mick, where are your boguette dating reports?

13 05 2011
Mr Q

My experience with the moines (having had a job where I was sent to site on the odd day here and there) is that when you go to the bar, no one was wearing their fluoro stuff. If everyone did, it wouldn’t stand out.

I suspect that wearing your hi-vis stuff in say the city now is as a sign that you’re a rool working Orstrayan when yer down the pub, not like them nancy boy office pooftas what wear normal gear and stuff.

13 05 2011
Mick

The full time employees will change. Contractors tend not to.

I have no idea why.

13 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

About the time that the wages associated with wearing fluro when through the roof.

13 05 2011
Davo

What are they supposed to do? take a change of clothes everyday so not offend anyone.

13 05 2011
shakPower

hah , the title sounds like Mr.T!

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

hehehee…. thought that as well. “Pity da foo’ who don’ cut his dett.”

13 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

I told you, you gotta cut ya debt sucker!

13 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

Even better;
Cut the jibba jabba as well as your debt sucka!

13 05 2011
shakPower

haha come to think of it Mr.T might make the perfect bogan idol.
big – check
bling – check
weird haircut – check
lots of swearing – check
glassin curnts – check
makes his entry in a tank – check
funny as shit – big check

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Mangles the English language – check.

13 05 2011
shakPower

haha yes indeed, that should be first on the checklist

13 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

But he doesn’t like flying. So no trips to Bali or Thailand for him. I guess he can still do P&O cruises. Does have a pimped out van – check Should be updated to be a ute, but essentially a pimped out vehicle will suffice

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Mr T is already a bogan idol.

He is still farkin’ awesome though. I’m sure he pities the bogan fools who worship him.

13 05 2011
Mick

The bogan will loudly proclaim that it was him who dug up the gold Mr T wears.

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Meh. I expect all the TBL commie-pinko-lesbo-vegos to come out in force for this one. I’m gonna leave it be.

15 05 2011
Diana the Huntress

I’m a commie pinko lesbo vego and I couldn’t care less. Honestly. Next year it will be something else and the year after will be something different again. Yawn. F-all we can do about it.

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

I didn’t criticise the whole stimulus-package thing because I really didn’t think it was all that bad. I kept silent during the insulation-batts sh!tstorm and the BER catastrof*ck because there was already enough invective on the internets to power a couple of Pacific nations for the next decade.
But I will not be silent on the idiotic, busted-arse set-top-boxes-for-OAPs programme. Have these people overdosed on stupid pills?

13 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

ACA & TT should fund this, as grumpy old bogans are a key demographic for them and if they didn’t get their set top boxes how would they watch such quality programming?

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

I believe you may have discovered a new TBL acronym. We’ve got the CUB, the OSB, the NAB… now the GOB.

13 05 2011
martin

It’s only $300 million, who gives a shit? How about the $5-10 billion that goes towards negative gearing?

Anyway pink batts and so on was all Kevin Rudd, and he was a piece of shit and he’s gone, Joolia is still alright by me, preferable to that psycho Abbott and his army of fuedalistic bogan baby boomer followers any day imo.

13 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

It’s not the amount of money that pisses me off. I just think it’s poorly thought out. Another trough for bogan tradies, subcontractors and other sundry shonks to stick their snouts into.

13 05 2011
martin

The bogan needs it’s middle class welfare to help with paying the maxxtreme mortgage it got when it bought their house from another “investment” property owning or maxxtremely over paid tradie/developer bogan. Because house prices being rooly expensive is good n stuff because the real estate industry via news ltd said so through a perpetual bombardment of advertorials.

13 05 2011
Mick

Debt. Two chats I have had with mining bogans over the last couple of days.

The first was with an OSB. Fantastic bloke who can’t believe his luck. We were discussing investing. My way wasn’t enough, he reckoned. Saving and investing is for the little man. Only way is through debt. This guy owns properties worth $3m but owes $2m. I’m really worried about where he will end up when the cart loses a wheel.

The second. GOB with NaB tendencies. I was telling all about my belief of where the housing market was heading. He quite abruptly told me that the government will always have an ace in their sleeve to keep the housing market high. Debt is no problem.

His argument is that because this is a socialist state, property investors will always get government assistance because the investors have to supply shelter for the scum getting welfare from the government. I asked the obvious question. “There is no difference between the help you get from the taxpayer and the help the ‘scum’ get from the taxpayer, except they probably need it more than you do. Therefore, does that make you scum?”

Guess what? I’m a f#ckin’ smartarse. HOORAH!

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

…Mick, how in the name of God did you not get glassed?

I don’t even give my bogan friends financial advice anymore. Needless to say I’m a tosser for not going into debt to buy a new car, or a house that I don’t need.

I’m never buying a house until I can afford to pay cash for one. Or at the very least, at least 50% of a deposit.

13 05 2011
Mick

Ash, in my day my glassin’ skills were second to none. I had what every bogue wants. A reputation.

I get away with murder but I do pick times and places for outbursts. Quite a few openly dislike me because of my views but I usually get dismissed as a lefty, pinko, tree hugger.

I think I’m looked at with the same sort of disdain that an ex-alcoholic gets when they turn into a bible basher.

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Dude, what did you do back then?

I was a chronic knee injury away from playing in the NRL and my friends (most of whom got nowhere near as close as I did) still pay no attention to me when I talk about non-bogan subjects.

13 05 2011
p'bee

mick, if i was there to hear that, i’d have given you a standing ovation.

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

p’bee, I’d hope for your sake in that situation that you enjoy being glassed.

13 05 2011
p'bee

one the whole crying poor with $150, 000, and average/median/mean wage debate, this is a very good article: http://mattcowgill.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/what-is-the-typical-australians-income/

13 05 2011
Mick

Recently, I’ve been chasing a job that would have had me working OS and living in Europe. Pay was going to be around $170k. Response from the bogan? “Not worth it, you’re mad.”

I’m working a job that pays between $125000 and $200000 and yet these clowns still think they’re worth more. A lot of these blokes would struggle to count to ten while doing their shoelaces. Not the point. They complain about the cost of living. Jesus, we’re in the top 7% of wage earners and they’re doing it tough!

I have no idea how this curse has spread but it bugs me. You lot should see the stares I get when I say I’m happy with what I get.

13 05 2011
James Hunter

Mick ,
My feeling is that most tax payers with brains, would be happy to pay more tax if they recieved the health care ,schools,teachers,doctors,nurses.police,defence,roads rail,ports that they want and the country needs. It is also bleeding obvious that a country with small population spread widley that transportinfrastructure and comunication costs are going to be higher then closely settled countries.
Intelligent people realise that we are not hevilly taxed by standards of developed countries and that no matter what there no free lunches.

13 05 2011
James Hunter

I was totally ammused by the rabbit this morning saying that an election was the only thing that could save Julia well nothing can save foney .
The worm has the “Liberal” (conservative) attitude that “Liberals ” are born to rule. Also that free education is dangerous because the liberals dont want too many people who can think things out for themselves. As for Joe hicky he had some potential before he grafted himself to foneys ass.
God haelp us(Deity of choice).

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Where did all the small l liberals in the Liberal Party go?

17 05 2011
Cherry

You called?

17 05 2011
Edward

The small “l” liberals are a lie. Back in the late 1940’s, the Nationalist Party, then the natural political antipode to the Labor Party was coming apart. From it’s ashes, principal figures who had been a part of it set about the creation of a new political party. Among them, prominently was Robert Menzies. The title “Conservative Party” was considered, but dismissed on the basis that antagonism towards an institution such as the Tory (Conservative) Party in Great Britain would attach itself to a similarly named party in Australia. This was however the underlying theme which Menzies had in mind. He was an Empire Man, culturally aligned with the mother country and Conservative politics.

The title “Liberal Party” was chosen instead, but no similarity in philosophy to the Liberal Party in Great Britain was intended, beyond an endorsement of the idea of mid-twentieth century white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant liberal democracy as a form of government.

The new Liberal Party of Australia proceeded by analysing the policies of the Australian Labor Party, essentially cloning them, with a Conservative spin in publicising them, and settled in for a long period in government.

There is a long history of reproach, by people who didn’t/don’t apprehend the fact that the LPA is and has always been a socially Conservative organisation, which opted to call itself Liberal, because it was thought (probably correctly) that the electorate wouldn’t support a political party which was openly derivative of the Tory Party, in Great Britain.

The composition of sitting members and the party membership, has been subject to change over time, incorporating aspirational members from outside it’s original base, but it remains a party of and for the middle- and upper-classes. (Taking into account the ambivalencies about England, and class stratification which are integral to Australian society, it could never have succeeded had this not been its consistent policy).

15 05 2011
BugsyPal

Now, come come. You all know perfectly well that it’s the moral duty of the Liberals to agitate against the duly elected government from being allowed to serve its full term.

The fact that we had an election less than a year ago is quite irrelevant. The result didn’t suit Tony Abbott, so he wants another one. We must oblige him.

13 05 2011
James Hunter

Ash, the current crop are not liberal are they . Menzies must be turning in his grave.

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Nope. Farkin’ John Howard, turning what was the Liberal Party into the South Sea Tories.

13 05 2011
urbanreverie

Who needs television? Who needs to go to a concert or read a Popular Penguin when instead you can have …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

(THE SCENE: It’s a bright, sunny, windy midday on the M5 motorway construction site in Campbelltown. There’s barely a cloud in the sky, save for the dust being kicked up by some Bobcats.

BOGUE is sitting on a dusty timber bench outside the demountable site office with his workmate MATTY who is about his age admiring the girls in a Picture magazine. Another workmate, CLIFF, a grizzly GOB in his early sixties with hairy arms and skin like shoe leather, is sitting at the other end of the bench reading the Daily Telegraph.)

BOGUE: Phwoar! I’d smash her if I wasn’t hitched! Hell, I’d smash her anyway. What a honey!

MATTY: (turns page) Well, what about this Home Girl?

BOGUE: Ewwww! That’s farkin’ gross, ay! She’s got pubes!

MATTY: Naah, it’s just a little landin’ strip, it’s not like it’s the full bush or nuffint.

CLIFF: (does not lift eyes from the newspaper) Youse young blokes. Back in my day, no sheila ever shaved or waxed. If you was lucky you’d get a dame who trimmed a bit, but never anyfint more than that!

BOGUE: No way, man. Pubic hair is just sick. Yuck!

CLIFF: Hey! It’s the most natural way to be! Nuffint wrong with being natural! And what do youse have down there, may I ask?

BOGUE: That ain’t the point. I’m a bloke, I’m allowed to have hair down there, but on a woman it’s just disgustin’. That’s why I made me missus start getting waxjobs last year!

(Another workmate, JOEL, drives up in the company ute and gets out carrying some paper bags, distributes them and sits down next to BOGUE)

JOEL: All roit, here’s two steak cheese & bacon pies and a large Ice Break Extra Shot fer Matty ‘ere, three sausage rolls and a Dare Espresso fer Cliff … and well, what’s ol’ mate here got?

BOGUE: (stares into lunchbox) Hmm, let’s see what me missus packed for me … what? I’m sick of all this rabbit food me bitch makes fer me, but what the hell’s this lawn clippings with sand in it?

MATTY: Mate, that ain’t sand. That’s tabbouli!

BOGUE: Grrrr. Whatever it is, I hate this crap. If only me stupid missus didn’t lose that job so I could afford to buy me own lunch like youse blokes ….

CLIFF: Oh well, the way things are goin’ in this country none of us will be able to afford nuffint for lunch soon. What do youse fellas think of this carbon tax?

JOEL: It’s all a big con. Me de facto has a sister who’s got a next door neighbour who’s got an uncle who’s a professor of climatiffics at the Uni of New South Wales, and this professor reckons, honest to God, that there ain’t no such fing as climate change! It’s just a big scare campaign so the guvment can charge more tax an’ stuff to give to them dole bludgers bleedin’ us dry!

BOGUE: Too bloody right! It’s all just a bunch of bullshit to force us to give up our cars and to live in farkin’ shoeboxes to keep workin’ blokes like us down. Just a big scam!

MATTY: Hey, isn’t that yer missus over there? (points to site gate, where BOGUETTE is driving her black 2003 Suzuki Swift with pink pinstripes and a large pink Playboy bunny sticker on the back windscreen)

JOEL: Ooooooh! Here comes yer wife, Mister PINK PLAYBOY! Hahahahahahahaha! What’s gonna be in store fer Hugh Hefner here today? Hahahaha!

(various workmates laugh and slap their knees at this sophisticated hilarity)

BOGUE: What the fark? I’ll be back in a minute, this has gotta be sumfint important!

(BOGUE runs up to site gate where BOGUETTE gets out of her car in a state of considerable distress)

BOGUE: Honeybunch! What’s wrong? It’s all roit, yer big teddy bear is here …. everyfint will be all roit, sweetheart … tell us, what’s happened?

BOGUETTE: Oh sweetie, it’s just … terrible! Terrible! I don’t know where to begin …

BOGUE: It’s OK, nuffint can hurt ya now … take your time … tell me what happened … has sumfint happened to the kids?

BOGUETTE: No! No … it’s just …

BOGUE: Them debt collectors came around again? I told them, if they harrassed us ever again I’d be tellin’ Today Tonight about them …

BOGUETTE: No … it’s just … well … Aiden, the little shit, jammed a teaspoon in the garbage disposal unit in the kitchen sink, I told him if he ever did that again I’d burn all his Yu-Gi-Oh cards but he did it anyway ….

BOGUE: I’ll farkin’ deal with Aiden when I get home! But … why are you so riled up about it?

BOGUETTE: Well … boohoo … sob sob sniff … well … I tried to get the spoon out of the disposal unit … with my right hand … the garbage disposal suddenly started up without warning … and I broke all my nails!

BOGUE: Oh honey, that’s just terrib… hang on? You came all the way out here just because you broke your nails?

BOGUETTE: No, there’s more to it! Sob sob … sniff sniff sniffle … then I tried to get the spoon out with my left hand, and then I broke all the nails on my left hand too! I don’t know what I can do, darling … I just feel … sniff sniff …. devastated!

BOGUE: (suddenly lets go of BOGUETTE) Urrghgrughugkurrghnt! You came all the way out here, fifty Ks here, fifty Ks back, spendin’ nearly seven bucks on the tolls on the M7 each way, just to tell me that you farkin’ broke your nails? Who the fark gives a rat’s arse about your nails, you farkin’ dumb bitch!

BOGUETTE: But … I’ve spent so much money on them at ProfessioNail over the years! I file them and I paint them every day, I have the best set of nails in the whole postcode …. you’re a bloke, you wouldn’t understand …

BOGUE: Of course I don’t farkin’ understand! They’re just nails! Out of all the blokes on all the sites and all the pubs I’ve been to, you know what I ain’t never heard? “Oh wow, you should have seen this chick I chatted up at the Parra Leagues Club on Fridee night. She had the most gorgeous nails!” Get a farkin’ grip, you stupid slag!

BOGUETTE: Listen! I’m the one who gets up at four o’clock in the morning to make you yer brekkie while you’re still snoring away because you drunk ten cans of Jim Beam the night before, even though you know you have to be at work at six o’clock! I’m the one who has to drive you all the way out here because the trains don’t start early enough and you can’t get a lift from our area! The very f#$%ing least you can do is show a bit of sympaffy when bad fings happen to me! But no what do you do? “Oh, you dumb bitch!” “Oh, you stupid slag!” It ain’t bloody fair!

BOGUE: What? Here’s me bustin’ me gut, including killer overtime, to pay for your farkin’ sessions at ProfessioNail, not to mention puttin’ a roof over yer head in a farkin’ mansion – and what do you do? Drive up here on me lunch break when I’m catchin’ up with me workmates, embarrass the hell out of me with that poxy little black shitbox with the pink stripes and Playboy sticker – and take up me lunch break all because you’re too farkin’ dumb to turn the power off to the disposal unit before tryin’ to get a spoon out!

BOGUETTE: (mascara, eye shadow and foundation smudged all over her face from the copious tears) Oh well, have it your way, then. Have it your way! You can make your own farkin’ tea tonight!

BOGUE: Yeah, and if yer tea’s anyfint as bad as the rabbit food you have the nerve to make me fer lunch, you can shove tea up yer arse! Now go away, I got more important fings to do, like erect them orange and white barricades and hold that stop/slow sign in the dust and the blazing sun just to pay for your nails an’ shit while you’re just bludging scum who can’t even find a proper job!

(BOGUE stomps his steel-capped boots all the way back to the site office while BOGUETTE drives away barely able to see the road through her tears)

THE END

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Started great, fizzled out a bit in the middle and came back home. I have to admit I was a bit let down (was hoping for an extension of last week’s episode) but quality nonetheless.

I’m thinking it might be time for Boguette to actually get a job, or for them to lose something more than Bogue’s beloved car. Eventually the state of economic homeostasis B&B exist in right now has to implode…right?

13 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

Still light years better than “Angry Boys”.

14 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Well done Urban. I think you are right Chris. I will give Angry Boys some time but it seemed more about trying to offend everyone than anyfink else.

14 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

One of my favourite writers created the “I’m Keith Hernandez!” zone, which is basically the stage when someone enters such a realm of self confidence that they reckon they can just do anything and justify it because they are who they are.

Even though I found Angry Boys funny, I reckon it’s Chris Lilley’s “I’m Keith Hernandez!” moment. He’s built up so much self confidence and goodwill from We Can Be Heroes/Summer Heights High (Two deadset TV classics, by the way, and I will hear no debate on this matter) that he figures that he can just come up with as many offensive one-liners as he can, throw them all together and bingo. “I’m Chris Lilley, baby.”

14 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I find myself in agreeance with you Ash.

14 05 2011
chris - some of my best friends are bogans

I found it more like his Jumping the Shark moment. No question, the guy’s brilliant. I’ll stick with Angry Boys for a few more weeks; but maybe he just needs to explore a few new avenues. Like I say, for every Frontline, there’s a Funky Squad.

13 05 2011
urbanreverie

Ash, it was always going to be tough work to top, or even equal, last week’s episode. 😛 Man, I’m so modest …

As for how Aiden, Braiden, Jaiden and Kaiden are settling into their new school, and the future of B&B’s household finances, all I can say is – same bogue-time, same bogue-channel. 🙂

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I know, last week was a work of art that should be passed down through generations. It had everyfink.

13 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Also, Yu-Gi-Oh cards? I thought those became uncool when I was in Year 9.

14 05 2011
urbanreverie

My nephew who is Aiden’s age is right into Yu-Gi-Oh, as are many of his friends. My nephew isn’t a bogan (far from it, he’s a very kind and sensitive boy who will undoubtedly take after his uncle and become a true gentleman! 🙂 ), but he does live in a bogan area – only about ten minutes’ drive from Bogue and Boguette’s McMansion, actually.

I think Aiden might even be in the same class as my nephew now that Bogue has pulled his kids out of the Holy Redeemer of Sacred Light Biblical Christian College 😀

Anyway, as I don’t have kids of my own, my knowledge of what’s cool with kids isn’t perfect. So feel free to substitute “Yu-Gi-Oh cards” wth “whatever fad toy bogan parents buy their satanic spawn to prove to themselves that they truly rooly love their kids and to stop their kids from whingeing about them to the other kids at school”.

14 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

TBH, I don’t know any boys at that age and I’m damn glad I don’t, given that I have a 10 year old sister.

13 05 2011
Davo

Be warned. 80,000 Collingwood supporters in Melbourne tonight. And the carparks closed, so 80,000 more bogans on the trains.

14 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Oh yeah, Simon.

I have joined the ranks of the road warriors.

I bought a bike today. Nothing fancy whatsoever – it was a $750 road bike – but I figure that it’s a way of staying in shape that won’t be as hard on my 80 year old man knees as running has been.

14 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeah, that’s why I took it up, 2 full knee reco’s put paid to running for me.

I hope you have Lycra, it really pisses off the bogans.

14 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Haven’t got lycra yet. I’m not at that level of road warrior.

I just need some form of exercise that’s doable for someone who’s had one knee rebuilt, extensive microfracture work done on the other and chronic carpal tunnel syndrome (I have to wear a brace when I type). Since all the things I used to do (run, play league and pick up basketball) are out and surfing’s impossible in this weather, that left cycling as an option.

15 05 2011
Davo

Don’t wear lycra Ash. Yes, it shits the bogan, but the bogan drives a car. Best put on work clothes and draw on your arm so it looks like tats. Much safer.

15 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

I have a few arm tatoos, so that’s fine.

15 05 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
onya, I was just about to tell Davo to get some tatts , lasts longer and dosent stain your good work shirts.

16 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you are the final word in exercise; which evidently was spoken sometime back in 1957…

15 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I hope you enjoy it Ash. A weirdly addictive pursuit I have found. Good you bought a cheap bike first but if you get hooked on cycling you are also likely to be afflicted by upgradeitis.

15 05 2011
Mr Q

Just be aware that the minute you get on a bicycle, you become almost totally invisible to everyone else (bogans or otherwise).

17 05 2011
Edward

Or else, their attention will be seized, as by the single typographical error in document someone has been asked to proof read.

The number of times I have seen or have been the subject of clown-shoes slowing down slightly (often unconsciously drifting towards the kerb stones as they do so, which must be an additional and un-necessary hazard to cyclists), leaning out of the window and shouting incomprehensible abuse at pedestrians and cyclists, keeping the speed down long enough to watch for a reaction, and then arresting the drift toward the sidewalk and accelerating about 30 metres past the offending party.

It is as though other road users are viewed as legitimate target for scorn and vilification, if they aren’t like the carwards, or don’t drive the same type of car that they themselves would choose (even if they actually chose a 2004 Toyota Corolla Ascent hatchback, because it is what they could afford at the time, after the last second hand car in a succession of bad purchasing decisions became unaffordable and they decided “It’s new or it’s nothing”). They platonically admire HJ Holdens and EH Falcons, but they traded in their EH for $500 off the price of an econobox.

TBL # 229 – Shouting stuff (or throwing things) at complete strangers while driving in their car ?

17 05 2011
Edward

Sorry I have more gall to purge, it would appear. The reason they chose the Toyota, was they that they were employed, and could therefore obtain a loan of about $20,000 from the bank. Taking cabs to their job as a night console operator at a servo or afternoon evening job as a carton-monkey at the bottleshop nine suburbs away from their parents house in Edgewater was prohibitively expensive to continue with. (They had to move back in after the cost of living pressures of a car which they were complemented on and asked questions about frequently, but which needed work done on it monthly, leaving the share house with little notice and some bad blood with the former friends who had to suck up the increase in rent until they could find someone else to move in. This turned out for the best, of course, because they avoided not only the next round of utility bills while their erstwhile house-mates were talking about them to anyone who would listen, not to them but also the total loss of bond and the small claims action brought by the landlords after the failure to prepare for the next rent-inspection, during which the accelerated wear and to of the property was painfully obvious).

They secretly yearn for the days when they were bohemian, living in a “Dogs in Space” house, and had a job which yielded enough anecdotes to be mistakable for street-cred.

Now they drive their hated Corolla (the compression of which has noticeably fallen, and on which they still have two years of payments) beyond the urban fringe at 6 in the morning to go to their job which involves the the wearing of a hi-vis shirt. No more “up at the crack of noon” for them. (Based on a composite of several true stories).

There now, I feel much better.

25 08 2011
Nicholas Wright

Ha. Right underneath this articles is an Ad for a credit card.

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