#226 – Cougars

9 05 2011

Thanks partly to government health and safety initiatives (collectively referred to by the bogan as “the nanny state”), and despite its best efforts, the male bogan is taking longer to die than ever before. Even the most xtremely safety-averse bogan has to keep its jetski away from swimming areas, has airbags in its Chevrolet Commodore , and will get denied service at bars when it looks like it is smashed enough to glass one of its brethren. But while the nanny state is making the bogan survive for longer, it has so far failed to make meaningful progress on making the male bogan mature mentally as it ages. As a result of this, the female bogan realised that in order attract a bogan alpha male, it had to look and act like a 20 year old throughout its lifespan. So, like an already haggard hatchling emerging belatedly from a discoloured egg, the cougar was born.

An American TV show called Cougar Town premiered on Channel 7 in February 2010, featuring a 45 year old Courtney Cox. Cox plays a divorcee with an 18 year old son, who decides to pursue a series of younger men. This was a light globe moment for the bogan female, who had previously suspected that Demi Moore’s accomplishment was not possible for them to imitate. The bogan cougar set out to offset Hollywood’s financial advantages by levering itself into muffin-top-generating hipster jeans, and headbutting its makeup cupboard until taking on an unsettling shade of orange. Now ready to go on the prowl, the cougar begins shamelessly hunting through local nightspots for any remaining shards of what it remembered to be its glorious youth, discarding any remaining shards of it once remembered as its dignity.

After being informed of the term cougar, the bogan male’s next few hours are entirely occupied by laughing at how cougar is also the name of one of its favourite mixed drinks, and a maxtreme toothsome cat. After a few of said drinks, the enterprising bogan male’s mind turns to how he may be able to bed a cougar. The beastly female, not the beastly feline. Bogan males aged between 16 and 26 have concluded that it’s totally hardcore to hook up with vastly older women, claiming “they know what they want”, and under the assumption that they all look like Courtney Cox. They do not.

Thus, when faced with a cougar in the flesh, the male suddenly reconsiders its initial enthusiasm. As the cumbersome quatrogenarian lumbers across the bar to pounce, the bogan begins to fret, casting its eyes left and right, looking for escape, but its packmates are on either side, egging it on, reminding it that it was ‘in’. The next morning it wakes up next to a pillow stained a queer shade of brown with dark blue patches, slides out of bed and out the door. And never speaks of cougars again.


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156 responses

9 05 2011
Gorey

This happened to me once.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

This one is a dead-set classic.

I myself have never been into cougars, but I have a couple of mates who used to be (who are also the type to draw such women) until they both got different STIs from two different cougars.

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
“been in (to) cougars” great choice of words

9 05 2011
Sarah

The beautiful thing is that you can combine cougars with bogan names and end up with Charmyne.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Are you thinking of this particular hambeast?

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/sport/palavis-nrl-rapist-to-remain-secret-20090512-b1oj.html

A friend of a friend who plays in the NRL and has had, shall we say, a dalliance with her, says on good authority that, among other things, she has the genital herpes (putting on my Paul Fenech voice) and she likes it rough.

Speaking of Paul Fenech, I was watching Pizza reruns recently and wondered – is he bogan?

9 05 2011
Norm

Actually two of her children were with her (then) long time partner David Palavi. Oh and they don’t really have bogan names.

9 05 2011
hel

She is a tanning salon operator! That is fantastic! Intriguing how she won’t name the player, won’t press charges and states she was not really traumatised by it (untraumatic rape?) ………. however my favourite bit would have to be where she says her friend “took both of them home in the morning” I actually laughed out loud.

I am sure too, that genital herpes is the least of her ailments. The tanorexia needs addressing more urgently.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Story continues below However, Ms Palavi said she never considered making a complaint to police and maintains she never will.

“Would you come forward knowing that you’re just going to be dragged through the mud?” she said.

So – Going on National TV and in the printmedia with all the sordid details of what a slapper you are is less ruinous than going to the police?

What planet are these people from?

9 05 2011
James Hunter

The city of clamidia on the planet STD ?

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Simon, Simon, Simon. Surely you realise that by going public, the not very lovely Ms Palavi is now a bogan idol? I think she can handle that “damage” to her reputation as opposed to some snide remarks from a few coppers.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What was I thinking, damaging reputation foresooth.

9 05 2011
Shazza

“So – Going on National TV…..”

If money were the incentive then appearing on ABC TV’s “Four Corners” is hardly profitable. (Explanation to the clueless: Four Corners does not sully itself with cheque-book journalism.) For the purposes of that Walkley Award winning program, she was a whistle blower. And — credit where credit is due — she probably turned a sizable proportion of the ACA/TT demographic to Four Corners for the first time.

Sure, Ms Palavi is not gonna read any Nietzsche and she has never pretended to do so. She is a harmless good time girl who does like to self-promote

She clearly likes sex and, OMG, she is happy to talk about that. So that makes her a “slapper”. Palavi’s critics can be catagorised into two types; men who are sexually insecure and women who are sexually insecure.

10 05 2011
Peter Thornton

A Walkley or any other award for the simple act of reporting is not praiseworthy nor an accomplishment. Those who think it is are the truly insecure.

10 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I never mentioned money Shazza. I was pondering the reasoning behind not wanting to go to the police and have your rep supposedly dragged through the mud but being quite happy to be interviewed by various media outlets and freely giving them the grubby details.

If you are not prepared to do anything legally then I don’t see that as whistleblowing or seeking to fix the problem, merely publicity, for what who knows.

10 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I have no problem with her talking about it. I’m just pointing out what I believe are her motives.

If you attach value judgements to what I said, that says more about you than me.

Oh, and I rate her an 8-beer girl.

9 05 2011
HappyFriend

There is only one thing worse than a cougar:- A cougar with tattoos!
And the DEFINATELY don’t look anything like Courtney Cox. Most are fat ‘slags’.

9 05 2011
MeAgain

Hmmm.. Interesting. Ash, everybody knows STD’s are mainly spread by people in their early 20’s. This is why anybody aged 24 or under automatically gets an STD test when they have a pap smear. With regard to younger males, I notice they will try & screw anything with tits, regardless of the female’s age. The more they drink, the more confident they become. After all, any hole is a goal right?

9 05 2011
JoshResidentOfBoganVillia

I don’t know about any hole. That might make the bogan a poof.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

MeAgain, I’ve worked in sti clinics for the last 15 years, I’d have to disagree – sti’s don’t discriminate. All ages are vulnerable. Testing is done on the under 25’s so they can try to catch them before long term damage is done to the reporductive system. It doesn’t mean they are more likely or prone to catch them though 🙂

9 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Welcome Back, V’v!

How was your trip to Vegas? Was it Bogan Hell, American Style? Get some decent tatts too?

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

MeAgain, I am a younger bloke and I will not screw anything with tits.

I don’t do fat chicks. #ultraboganmoment.

Nothing against larger girls, they need love too. I just don’t think I need to be the one who gives it to them.

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Ash, nice to know, I feel safe now

9 05 2011
martin

I stopped doing that after a year or two. But it’s true a lot of guys will drop their standards into the gutter just for a mushy place to lob their dick. But not that many really.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I am the least bogan man on Earth who is guilty of this.

11 05 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

9 05 2011
Blueballs

True to a certain extent, Every hole is a goal, but on one is a behind…

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Second guy down is on the prowl for cougar! mmm mmmm!

http://datingprofilefail.tumblr.com/page/5

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cougars bring you back Viv, interesting?!

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Back from holidays and overwhelmed by work, that’s why i’m back! And why isn’t there a sitcom about a trophy wife who gets so long in the tooth she has to become a cougar – Brynne for example – imagine that tangerine silicone beast on the prowl… There’d be no cat like stealth that’s for sure. Or escape.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Didn’t Sex and the city do this?

Keen to hear reports on bogans in Vegas Viv. Welcome back dude.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

Vegas was appalling. It was spring break and a weekend while we there. This translates as drunk college girls with yard glasses of frozen margaritas stumbling around like pi$$ed slappers all day. Not far behind them were drunk college guys in much the same condition, except with their tits in. Scattered throughout the date raping grounds were middle aged, middle classed (therefore ‘blessed’) obese Americans with names like Ron and Marilyn from Wyoming cluttering the footpaths and $8 buffets.

The pluses include seeing really tragic middle aged men get horny at the “Pussy Cat Dolls” theme poker tables, complete with dirty b!tches gyrating around semi naked. So sad, but funny. Other good aspects were getting my new tattoo of a 1950’s good-time girl kicking her heels up in a martini glass, and the Liberace Museum, which although closed , was worth walking for an hour down a dirty, dusty freeway without a footpath just to see the building signage and plaza.
Like Venice, I’m glad I’ve been, but wouldn’t bother going back.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I liked Venice. It was Feb when I visited and Freezing cold but once you wandered off the highway to the square there was great stuff to see, and eat.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I wanna go back to Venice in spring or summer. Going when it was freezing cold and wet the whole time wasn’t really the right vibe.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

If only it had more carnival mask shops , oh and glass shops……. Good seafoo
d though.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Ouch. Back when I was in high school I was supposed to go see my cousin over holidays who was in uni in the States – he and his mates ended up taking me with them on their Spring Break weekend to a charming Florida location called Panama City Beach, or as it’s commonly known the Redneck Riviera.

Just like my Schoolies experience, I remember nothing of that week and I have my doubts I would want to.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I’d watch the shit out of that show. And I don’t watch any TV that doesn’t involve two teams of big blokes in multi-coloured outfits playing with a ball.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Oh, and Jersey Shore. That’s must-see TV in Casa Ash.

9 05 2011
Vviv2

True V’v, but she’s only 26….or is that over the hill? 😛

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Viv, thank you so much for that site. It is pure genius. Whoever created it needs a medal.

I couldn’t love you any more right now.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The first one has date rape written all over him.

9 05 2011
p'bee

how do you discover these things, v!vi? i’m a little worried about your mind.

9 05 2011
Vviv2

That’s done it for me….I’m moving out of Victoria as fast as I’m able!!
Three of the first four were from here 😦

9 05 2011
Brimstone

Various websites tell me that Cougar Town is actually a good sitcom with an unfortunate name. Haven’t had the courage to check it out yet.

I always thought that the show came way after the trend.

9 05 2011
Gorey

Those websites lied.

11 05 2011
AlyssaKT

They did lie. Unless you have Brimstone’s taste in television – then it has everything he wants –
*is American
*is screened on a major cable network in the States
*is full of cheap jokes
*is predictable
*is “popular with a certain set”

Perfect.

9 05 2011
p'bee

from what i heard it had the potential to be good if it was well written, but ir went the safe and predictable cliche route.

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Brimstone, some of the wine bars over at North Sydney used to be worth a visit.

11 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you’re an expert on North Sydders wine bars? Do tell…

17 05 2011
Give a toss

maybe The Stoned Crow in the late 80’s? We didn’t refer to any older ladeez as Cougars – they were just divorced and much richer than us young blokes.

9 05 2011
Pendant

This is the only thing I know about it

10 05 2011
Dgusten

It’s not a completely terrible show – it’s by the creator of Scrubs and is quite similar – friends who do and say quirky things, lots of sniping, although not so much of the imagination sequences…

As with many sitcoms, the more you watch them the more you appreciate the characters. Unless watching more of the show confirms that you do not appreciate the characters, as is the case for Two and a Half Men.

I like Scrubs, so I don’t mind Cougar Town. Courtney Cox’s character is a bit of a female JD. Her best friend is played by Christa Miller, who played Dr Cox’s wife in Scrubs, and she plays a very similar character here…

Apparently the producers don’t like the name much either, but they can’t think of anything good to change it to… “The Courtney Cox Show” was one of the working titles.

9 05 2011
DuxLux

I hope you all made it to International Cougar Week. Judging by the comments of this guy, it sounds like it was an extremely tasteful event – high on the dignity stakes.

“MidLife women are victimized by our youth-oriented society,” says Rich Gosse, Organizer of International Cougar Week. “They are regarded as ‘non-sexy’. Supposedly guys are only attracted to nubile 20 year olds found in the centerfolds of men’s magazines. The truth is that there are many millions of men who find older women attractive. We will prove that during International Cougar Week.

http://www.24-7pressrelease.com/press-release/international-cougar-week-at-hedonism-ii-176136.php

EWWWWW!!!

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Mr Gosse is right, but he ignores the reason why men are attracted to said nubile 20 year olds.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I forsee myself breaking the TBL server on this thread. So many stories, so much potential.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Is the male version a Tiger or a Paedo?

9 05 2011
chris - live from the bogan heartland

Good point. Big ole double standard there.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

The gays don’t have a cute term for it – usually just Troll. Unless he is good looking, then he could be a Daddy.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I don’t think there’s a specific male version. Double standards would be about right.

The difference is that younger women aren’t drawn to older men the way younger guys are drawn to older women.

Unless, of course, the man is rich.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Case study – Hugh Hefner, Madonna.

9 05 2011
p'bee

the sugar daddy, which probably is the closest male equivalent.

9 05 2011
chris - live from the bogan heartland

The “cougar” (god how I despise that term) can make lewd remarks about Justin Bieber in the company of other women and get a round of “you go, girl” approval. If a man makes similar comments about a teenage girl, he’s lucky to escape with his genitalia still attached.

9 05 2011
p'bee

nobody gets a ‘you go, girl’ nod of approval for making lewd remarks about justin bieber. that’s just creepy.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

…p’bee, you need to spend more time around other women. It happens. Trust me.

9 05 2011
p'bee

actually, that’s a good argument for not spending time around other women.

10 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Knowledge is the most important thing in the universe.

9 05 2011
Vviv2

Chris, any female that regarded Justin Bieber as anything other than a revolting child is seriously in need of help, (not to mention a good dose of maturity!)….& their opinions should therefore be ignored, just as their male counterparts are ignored by anyone with a brain….

10 05 2011
MeAgain

Lewd remarks about Justin beiber??? That is SO wrong. Bleeeeugh! He doesn’t even have pubes yet!

11 05 2011
AlyssaKT

Miley Cyrus? Plenty of guys openly admit to fancying her. Ew

12 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Really? I don’t know any.

If you had said Taylor Momsen on the other hand…

12 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have it from a good source you are a Rebecca Black man Ash!

15 07 2011
Ash - I Don't Want To Glass Carnts But The Guvmint Controls My Mind

Stop casting nasturtiums on me character now! I ain’t no pedo and shit!

9 05 2011
laurenbee

The Male equivalent is the Rhino – wrinkly, horny & charges at anything.

9 05 2011
p'bee

brilliant.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Rhino, that’s good, very good.

9 05 2011
Vviv2

Love it! 😛

10 05 2011
Nelson

The males version is called a “Rhino”. Big horn you see…

9 05 2011
chris - live from the bogan heartland

My experience with these mutton-dressed-as-lamb slappers is that they are the same snotty-nosed little madams from my high school days who all thought their sh!t didn’t stink. I confess to a bit of schadenfreude when I see their ample tandoori-pasted frames squeezed into their ridiculous LBDs, tottering around in heels on their way to the local Grab-a-granny.

9 05 2011
martin

I don’t think I’ve ever seen any cougars. I must be too sheltered. I’ve seen a few princesses in their mid 30s whose millionaire prince hasn’t yet turned up. A lot of gen x’ers absolutely wasted their youths on pretentious shit like doing the uk thing or like me partying too much. 😀

The only sad sacks of shit I’ve seen were 3 girls who sat down to play the pokies and got the jackpot straight away, something like $1500. It was a bit of a dissapointment for them because they had to do the sensible thing and walk away and couldn’t spend an hour or three playing the pokies and getting maggot.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Photo change, did her son complain. I liked the first photo, it was truly tasteless.

Also RECENT COMMENTS WIDGET!!

9 05 2011
p'bee

the picture changed. why’d the picture change?

Personalised things a little bit…TBL

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

and it should say “Wanna root sweetcheeks?”, not “In the wild”….. Just my opinion though. I do like the picture.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Viv,

Have a look at at the link JH provides on the Friday post. He cooks a Sausage on National TV, via electricity conducted through his nipples! Bet ya didn’t see that in Vegas.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

I’d have been more impressed if the woman beside him ate it afterwards. Still, very nice effort from JH – who knew he could cook??? JH, Next time though, I want a roast chicken.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

mmm mmm , nipple cooked chicken!

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

There’s a whole new cookbook here. Perhaps he can do Austrian Cabbage a la Nipple.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

The smokiness and the crunch would really make the Austrian Cabbage a la Nipple a delicacy. perhaps served with a side of grilled cod – can JH fire up a grill with those nips?

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I reckon he could power a small Austrian village at least. God knows what would happen if he got his nuts involved as well.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Maybe not an Austrian village, but definitely an Austrian cabbage farm or two.

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Viv and Simon,
all this talk of cabbages, we need Antosha for the genuine recipe. When stuck for supplies we have cooked other things. Bacon and one night a chicken thigh filet with pleanty of salt on it to improve conductivity. The sodium in the salt is realy cool, lots of bright yellow flames.
Must be some serious energy involved as the tines of the forks suffer erosion from the arc and on occasions we have tripped a fuse ( at the venue,not mine ! ).
Did this one time for a breakfast radio show and when the fuse went the whole studio was off the air for about 10 minutes while a techie found what and where . Bloody Hilarious.
It is amazing though just how many people saw the show and recognise me . {Even here in Dogpatch, lower Hunter . ( I hope pete babe doesnt mind but I think Dogpatch is cute.) My Beagles like it !}
Bunnings, Home Hardware, Doctors surgery, Newsagent,Aldi ,JB HiFi.
Thank god I’m not a famous Cougar !

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

My Beagle would have eaten your sausage JH!

Have you been propostitioned yet?

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
i havent been, at least not that im admitting ! Though there was a lovely waitress at the hotel in Milan where we all stayed for Guinness. Very Rubenesqe !!!!!
The Beagles though, well what goes on tour stays on tour !!!!

10 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, more like Lower Slobbovia!

9 05 2011
Vviv2

Simon, would you be kind enough to post that link again please? I was interstate & missed it.
I was so looking forward to seeing James’ talent!

10 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
10 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And – if you click on JH’s name you will see far more than just his talent. You have been warned.

10 05 2011
Vviv2

Thanks Simon
OMFG!
LMAO….My admiration grows in leaps & bounds! 😛

9 05 2011
Blueballs


Credit where credit is due, but I think the Kiwis beat TBL to the punch on a few points.

9 05 2011
I'm Married. I'm Beautiful.

What a shame that a post that includes the following classic analysis; “But while the nanny state is making the bogan survive for longer, it has so far failed to make meaningful progress on making the male bogan mature mentally as it ages. As a result of this, the female bogan realised that in order attract a bogan alpha male, it had to look and act like a 20 year old throughout its lifespan. So, like an already haggard hatchling emerging belatedly from a discoloured egg, the cougar was born.” is followed by a bunch of sexist, slut shaming reader comments.

Not even TBL is safe from the sort of weak-chinned window lickers who make use of the news.com.au comment function.

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Your married and beautifull ? wow you’v done well !!

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I’m not shaming sluts. I like sluts.

I’m shaming sluts who haven’t quite realised that they’re too old to get the guys they want anymore and who still live in a sense of delusion that they’re hot.

But hey. Window-lickers unite.

9 05 2011
V'visexxxion

I’ll cast stones on this topic, I used to behave like the whore of babylon before I settled into my current relationship. Had a wonderful time at it too. Anyone with slut pride like mine wouldn’t be shamed by any of these comments. An old flatmate and I actually devised “A Slut In A Million” contest many moons ago where we awarded ourselves points for f#cking strangers according to strict criteria. Cab driver 10 points, Russian Commies 15 points, Amputees 20 points (Stump F#ck double points) etc. It was like the best parts of Girl In A Million pageants, Eurovision and The Kardashians. The best part was anyone could play. It was pre-internet days, I’m sure it would make a brilliant online international competition. mmmm , I may have my retirement plan…

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Viv, If you need advice on how to add high voltage to you gig then you know where to go (come)..

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Viv, if the prize is good enough I’ll enter.

Can there at least be a secondary contest – the highest-scoring straight guy? Cause believe me I’ll do anything for some cash.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have set up a website to log your conquests on.

http://www.willrootanythingforkudos.com.au

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon I just logged on to that ammazing site , loved it.

9 05 2011
V'visexxion

Ash, there is no cash prize, that would be turning pro. No a Slut in a Million is amateur ranks, the prize is a sash, tiara and use of the title Slut in a Million for 12 months. However if you need cash fast and can find the good in everybody, go pro. Just make sure you invest the money wisely, looks begin to fade after 30.

9 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Going pro it is. Luckily I have 9 and a bit more years of being ridiculously hot.

9 05 2011
Mel

Read this with a David Attenborough voice – very funny or even better – Steve Irwin

9 05 2011
Davo

I’ve stopped shagging the cougars and fatties. The mornings just got to wierd. And dangerous.

9 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://www.dateacougar.com/
Try this.

Also putting Cougars into your google images, with the safe search off, will bring up interesting results

9 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon, which one was your date ?

9 05 2011
Ohtheboguehorror

Off Topic – for the love of all that is sane in the world, TBL can you please do a post on the bogan fodder that is kiddie beauty pageants – the bogans are going to loose their fake tans tribal tatt minds over this!

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/private-sydney/americas-prettiest-little-girl-20110509-1efac.html

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/princesses-of-the-pageant-prepare-for-protests-20110430-1e2ak.html

(the woman’s kids in the second article are called Bri-Anna, Jada and Kendra – need more be said????)

10 05 2011
daniel green

TIME FOR A POST ABOUT NESPRESSO COFFEE MACHINES – consistently stale and expensive “high end” coffee…. perfect.

10 05 2011
James Hunter

DG,
I must have no taste at all as I find coffee with preground Africa Blend from Aldi made in a Plunger style coffee maker is just as nice as some wank from say a Mc Caffe or Gloria jeans.

10 05 2011
chris - live from the bogan heartland

I’ve never had a drinkable cup of coffee from a McCafe and I refuse to drink Happy Clapper coffee. If you don’t mind slumming it, the “On the Run” servos often do a half-decent espresso, surprisingly enough.

11 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, this harsh and boastful note of your caffeine intake is not required. It is widely acknowledged that standards of taste in Lower Dogpatch are the lowest in the country. Inhabitants of the locale, who are, incidentally, also unchallengably hideous, do not encounter the ferocious competition of talent that takes place in Sydney. Still, as it’s difficult for you to keep working or even to stay awake, coupled with the fact that your recent TV appearance made The Des O’Conner show look like alternative comedy, your efforts should be likened to the works of the early Jesuits.

10 05 2011
daniel green

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8246952/bikie-charged-over-perth-pub-death

nuf said – thats the ultimate glassing – straight through a plate glass window…

sad.

11 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

This is the hotel which had bequeathed many a bumper sticker on any B & S Ball (an event for rurotard Muresk Agricultural College uni students which involves too much beer, Bundy and banjo sex) bumpkinmobile ute, reading “OBH [Cottesloe’s Ocean Beach Hotel]: Ain’t nothin’ like a country crowd!”

10 05 2011
mrsynik

The author clearly has not banged any Japanese cougars. Get one or two of those below your belt and come back with a different article.

10 05 2011
Shmeeg

“under the assumption that they all look like Courtney Cox. They do not.”

No they do not! No….they….do….not….

10 05 2011
Liam

No matter how many articles on cougars that Cosmopolitan publishes, these women all claim to be non-conformists.

11 05 2011
chubbybloodfart

“not content with sexualising their children, bogans want their Nannas to be smokin’ hotties too.” Edna Focke-Witte. some time last year.

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Just leaves the household pets, don’t it?

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You mean your poodle does not have a brazillian?

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Eeeeuuu, of course not. But my gerbil has a King Albert.

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Does that scratch when the gerbil……. well we all know where gerbils go!

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Fitting the gerbil is fine. Finding room for the little wheel he runs around on can be tricky.

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Chris,
Maybe what you need is a ferret (or two).Give yourself a whole new outlet.?

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

BOOOM!

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Chris, I thought maybe a BOOM TISH ?

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

….TISH.
I ain’t starting something with a man who cooks snags with his nipples.

11 05 2011
Mick

Actually, King Albert is a great name for a gerbil.

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Good suggestion, but he answers to “Richard”.

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*er excuse me, can you please get dick out of my anus*

Yeh, that works.

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Er, that’s “Mr Gere”, to you.

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

My, My, Mr Gere where have you been? Your coat is quite matted!

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon
“and your mat is quite coated ” !!

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Waxing will help with that JH.

11 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

double-boom tish, JH

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Chris,
Thank you , and, now ladies and gentlemen,and those I am not so sure about , we get to the part of the show where the children will have to leave the audience. Those who routienly need parental supervision to watch M+ TV should also leave.

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

ffzzzztttt- Blown fuse.

11 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Was that Chris’s fuse or the Gerbils ?

11 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Mine. I have a very delicate disposition.

11 05 2011
Jolene

My other half was in L.A. recently having drinks and eats at a posh venue. The bar soon became inundated with a horde of mostly well-honed and well-dressed “older women”. Approving glances were exchanged, but the distance wasn’t breached and no actual conversation was had. The next day, back at the office, his colleagues roared when they heard of this experience. Innocently, he had entered one of L.A’s most upper-crust cougar dens. However, his colleagues also reassured him that at the age of thirty eight, he was far too old for any “cougar”, so he need not worry. (p.s. the food there was excellent)

12 05 2011
13 05 2011
Pendant

Perhaps I’m reading this wrong, so can someone please enlighten me: Can you get government support (in the form of cash monies into your bank account) in a family with combined income of 150k? (pre-budget, obviously)

12 05 2011
p'bee

tangentially related to glassings (ok, not really, but watch and you’ll see the bit i’m referring to) eurovision is almost upon us! i think this is the year of sweden:

12 05 2011
p'bee

damnit tbl! not letting me embed again. maybe it’ll work this time…

12 05 2011
p'bee

i guess not.

12 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I imagine Boganomics tomorrow is gonna have a bit to say about the budget.

12 05 2011
Vviv2

Oh gods! I hope so! 😛

12 05 2011
James Hunter

Foney Rabbit has been dribbling shit all day on it. Pity he could not take out a loan and buy himself a life. Joe Hicky makes as much economic sense asa football coach. They just both mouth the conservative mantra and either presume we are all idiots or hope that we are. That of course is why conservatives do not believe in free education. They do not want people to be able to think that way they would get found out.

12 05 2011
Vviv2

Could not agree more James! There seems to be a distinct lack of any common sense, or real ideas at all in either party….

13 05 2011
Jonno

Before we imported the word ‘cougar’ from across the Pacific (where it is a native cat) we had our own term: ‘mutton dressed up as lamb’.

13 05 2011
Mr Q

No Bogan is going to miss a chance to import a term from America.

15 05 2011
Danny

Courtney Cox. Whenever I hear that name, I am reminded of the Stephen Fry interview I once saw. He was struggling to remember the aforementioned actress’ name. When the interviewer said, “Courtney Cox?” he replied, “No, not lately.”
Brilliant

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