#222 – Walking Between Train Carriages

18 04 2011

Unlike you, the bogan has important things to do. Because of this, the bogan is aware that many cautions and guidelines present in everyday society are directed exclusively at non-bogans. Sometimes the bogan has to utilise its unrivalled powers of maxness to get things done. Instances of necessary and logical bogan maxation can range from running red lights, to attempting to muscle in on bar queues in the event that its Mexican beer supplies dwindle. But during TBL’s thorough study of bogan behaviour, one of the most fascinating examples of forbidden bogan behaviour has been the bogan’s need to walk between train carriages.

Many modern trains in Australian cities now feature doorless walkways between carriages, which enable free movement of all passengers along the train. The bogan does not wish to walk between these carriages, and will instead loiter in a doorway attempting to look huge, or kick back on a seat, grinding the dirt on its Nike ShoxMax into an adjacent seat while it tells its friends about how many cunts it glassed the previous night. But, like an idiot cat that wants someone to let it out when it’s in, and then in once it’s out, the bogan, upon boarding a train with emergency doors between carriages, feels an uncontrollable urge to be in the carriage one along from the carriage that it is currently in.

When moving between carriages, there is a need for all other train passengers to be aware of the bogan’s unparalleled power to operate a door handle and walk forwards. The door will be loudly slammed behind the bogan, punctuating the maxtremity on show. Surveying its domain, the bogan eventually discovers that its new carriage is eerily reminiscent of its previous carriage, and that the initial impact of its arrival has abated. The dilemma then arises: does the bogan return to its old carriage, or does it progress to the next one along? Confused, the bogan retreats to the walkway between the carriages to ponder its next move over a cigarette.

In the event that a train employee attempts to do their job and introduce the bogan to the clearly signed consequences of its actions, the tone of the bogan changes remarkably. In an instant, the bogan knows its rights, and the importance of rules. It will demand to see the employee’s badge, and lean back on its constitutional entitlement to simultaneous freedom of speech, silence, and free lawyers. As the employee exits the carriage, the bogan clutches its $200 fine in its fist, and vows between gritted teeth that Slater & Gordon and Today Tonight will be hearing of this grave injustice. If anyone is making eye contact with the bogan at this point, they will receive maxtreme violence. While the bogan scans the carriage for someone to bash, it spots the next carriage. Bewitched by the carriage’s immense nextness, the bogan digs itself out of its seat and slithers towards the forbidden door.


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96 responses

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Not that important in the greater scheme of things, but Bogan Train Behaviour deserves an entry all to itself.

Everyone knows the delightful Train Trip Girl – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nQdS88O66w – but I see this sort of thing on my train to the city every day.

18 04 2011
X

This post has been a longtime coming. Agreed on the need of a detailed analysis of Bogan Train Behavour, and its offensive spawn ‘station rats’.

18 04 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

Well, she does live in a mansion…

18 04 2011
Simon

Wow, she has a tick in every box…

19 04 2011
Willard

Don’t youse mean she f**kin’ has a ‘f**kin’ tick in every f**kin’ box? Jeez, and to think I was concerned I swore too much.

29 08 2014
Bob

I saw something similar but slightly less extreme in swearing few weeks ago on Brunswick train – girl screaming on mobile for 20 mins about just getting in from Brisbane & needing place to stay all while simultaneously getting changed from bag into full blown makeup & skimpy gear. Result was a sort of sweaty homeless hooker aesthetic.Not pretty. I think in US they call ’em ratchet.

18 04 2011
djm

This is one of the rare habits that spans both paleo- and neo-bogans.

18 04 2011
I'm Married. I'm Beautiful.

You’re still got it TBL.

19 04 2011
Benny Hill

You’re haven’t.

18 04 2011
laurenbee

Ah the train, proof of the Bogan inability to sit still, be considerate of others & maintain appropriate hygiene/noise levels for a length of time longer than 5 minutes.

19 04 2011
Phil S

Five minutes?? Bondi to Central, make that 30 seconds!

18 04 2011
Ian

There is a major unanswered question here. Why is the bogan on the train in the first place and not hooning around in their wankermobile?

Impounded. Or the night’s designated driver pulled out, most likely. TBL

18 04 2011
Vviv2

Or some idiot needed to show his MAXXTREEMNIS by using his own car in order to be a you-tube star….

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

Or too young.

19 04 2011
Willard

Bigger audience.

19 04 2011
laurenbee

I always thought it was because the Bogan was never altruistic enough to volunteer to be the designated driver…..

18 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have not used a train regularly for years now but on the occasion I go to another city and am too tight to spring for a cab I observe that everything written above is 100% accurate. Be they young, old, povo, cub, white, yellow, brown, male or female this is the hallmark of the bogan. I sit there in wonder at these tools as they wander through trying to attract maxxtreme attention to their awesomness.

Also – What do we call a tramp stamp on a male?

18 04 2011
Mick

A stupid bloody tattoo on a fooking retard.

Is that too long?

18 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The sentiment is good Mick but it is a bit unweildy for common use.

I’m not sure dag is the best description for these arse clowns though Ash.

Crack Sticker?

19 05 2011
M-Pathetic ... NOT!

Craque Plaque?
Brawl Scrawl?
Dic Pic?
Hoon ‘toon?
Duudle? [dude + doodle]
Manograff?
Manogram?
Mastur-piece?
Gay Spray?
Bumbnail?
Gitmap?

29 08 2014
Bob

whilst bit dodgy my immediate thought was fag tag

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I call it the dag tag myself.

18 04 2011
hel

you’ve seen men with tramp stamps??????? This is possibly the most incongruous example of bogan tattooing I have ever heard!

18 04 2011
kk

arse antlers

18 04 2011
Werdna

Dick Stickers.

18 04 2011
Samri Chris

Dermal Rat’s Tail

19 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I like that Samri!

18 04 2011
Lucas

A Bogan Slogan I think….

18 04 2011
Gorey

As a guy who commutes two hours to work, I see this almost every day, especially on the way home (I leave for work at 6am, far too early for the bogan). They’ll get on an already full train, usually with people trying to have a relaxing, quiet journey home, be stupidly loud like they’re in their living room, and proceed to wander the full length of the train, from car to car, only to return to the very end one again within minutes. Again and again and again, for the duration of the trip.

18 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Commuting 2 hours! That would f*cking suck dude.

18 04 2011
urbanreverie

It’s quite common in Greater Sydney, Simon. A huge army of people catch the intercity trains from places like Wollongong, the Blue Mountains, Newcastle because there are less employment and educational opportunities in those areas and housing is cheaper there. The trains are packed from 6am onwards.

There are some long-distance train commuters who travel 2 hours each way from the Sunshine Coast to Brisbane each day too, but not as many as in NSW. Be grateful for Adelaide – it may be Sleepytown and the serial killer capital of Australia, but at least you can spit from one side of the city to the other 😛

19 04 2011
Willard

But not from end to end my friend… and that’s the direction Adeliade’s only trains go.

19 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I am Urban, used to commute 1 – 1 1/2 hrs in Perth for 4 years and it is soul sucking. In little old Adelaide I am at work in 10 minutes tops. There is 650 hours per year of my life back.

19 04 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Gorey, some years back I would catch a bus around the same time and it always had a good handful of OSBs, most on their way to the Mitsi factory. They were always hung-over and would sprawl across the back few rows, unshaven, mouth agape, snoring and reeking of stale beer and bourbon. It got to the point where I would wake them up a stop before they had to get off otherwise they would have gone straight thru to the end of the line. These were the blokes who built the Magna.

21 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

No wonder why the Magna was a shocker in execution, if not in idea (they were, from the onset in 1985 until around 2002, a better car, in being well ahead conceptually than anything else locally designed or built).

Poor build quality and longevity (compared to their local competitors) is part of the reason why those automotive workers no longer get off at Tonsley Park, in addition to Mitsubishi in Japan lagging behind in design, starting a vicious circle of underinvestment, leading to substandard products, leading to lack of sales, ending in lack of revenue. The delay in the successor to the TE-TL Magna should’ve appeared in 2001-2 (the Magna was replaced roughly every five years from 1985 in 1991 and 1996), but the 380 (Magna’s successor) was hopelessly out-of-date in late 2005. Motorists voted accordingly and that sealed the fate of Mitsubishi manufacturing in Australia, as it was no longer viable to maintain this with such low sales.

We cannot be taken seriously as a global car designing and manufacturing nation (only one of 15 in the world with an indigenous industry) if we cannot come up with designs that follow changing tastes of car buyers with innovation and flair, and built to a high standard (which requires a truly skilled workforce trained accordingly: that’s why German and Japanese cars are so deservingly well regarded).

If, as a developed nation, we do not maintain a skilled workforce at the leading edge of manufacturing (after all, we can no longer compete at the low-quality volume-selling model), then this makes a mockery of our First World status and we may just end up another Argentina, which was rich early on mineral wealth, but was undermined by a lack of a sophisticated and diversified economy, bring all of its attendant social problems.

We are seeing that manifest in the new bogans, the CUBs and the NaBs: a rampant anti-intellectual yob culture tainted with a sense of white entitlement, which is an element of the decline of the Global North (a.k.a. the West).

18 04 2011
hel

Over a few drinks with friends on Saturday evening, I produced my copy of TBL and proceded to read a few of my favourite posts. This new one has me giddy with excitement for a TBL 2.

Stay tuned, Hel…it’s with the publishers now. Although we have a snappier title than that. TBL

18 04 2011
hel

Things Bogans Like But Cannot Articulate Or Comprehend On Any Sort Of Cerebral Level?

Things Bogans Love Sic?

18 04 2011
Tone

Did someone mention bogans on trains?

18 04 2011
Tone

Damn, Ash beat me to it. *glasses self*

18 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*joins in the fun and glasses Tone*

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

*glasses for copying me*

20 04 2011
Tone

To make amends for this faux pas, I wish to submit this example of Things Tone Would Like To See Happen To Train Bogans:

18 04 2011
jaydyn

been posted before… a laugh everytime

dooonseyyy!!

21 04 2011
Whistling Nixie

If only commuter trains were still divided into several compartment, with each having a fully-manual swinging door on either side… might raise the IQ average a few points.

18 04 2011
Son of Duane

Don’t forget having a smoke between the carriages because their nicotine addiction could not wait until they get off at the next station.

18 04 2011
Son of Duane

Oops, should have read the article more carefully next time before I post a comment.

18 04 2011
urbanreverie

Try catching the overnight XPT from Sydney to Brisbane, Son of Duane. The train is often late arriving at Roma Street Station … why? Could it be signalling problems? A broken down freight train blocking the line? Ice in the points?

No! It’s idiot bogans who are too f#$%ing stupid to buy nicotine patches at the chemists before they board the train who smoke in the on-board toilets and set off the smoke alarm! Either that, or they get off at an intermediate station like Maitland or Taree, light up on the platform two metres from the doors, then when the guard is given the all-clear signal each individual bogan has to be herded back onto the train with much muttering along the lines of “Oi haven’t even finished me durrie yet, ya fargun kyurnt!”

Thank Christ I have a car so I don’t have to ever catch that train again on my trips interstate!

21 04 2011
Whistling Nixie

On the last ever Xcruciating Pleb Train I dared use, from Sydney to Brisbane in October ’05, at least one passenger on the opposite side of my carriage tried climbing up into the luggage rack to sleep. That wouldn’t have been the first time anyone did that, it’s safe to say.

18 04 2011
Moo Cow

As for the reason why those doors shouldn’t be used while the train is in motion: http://www.vicsig.net/photo/20100504-cgb-570mtm-310mtm.jpg

18 04 2011
Peter

There is a common misconception that walking between train carriages is illegal or inappropriate behaviour. It’s only an issue in Melbourne, where some confusingly worded signs got stuck above the doors in the older trains.

The only thing that is illegal or inappropriate is travelling between the carriages. Actually using the doors to promptly walk from one to the other without loitering on the gangway is perfectly normal behaviour.

The gist of it is that if a bogan decides to urinate or have a ciggy on the gangway, and there is a collision, the carriages are designed to concertina in that very spot. Just have a look at the photos of the Footscray collision a few years back, where the carriages all squashed up against each other. Some bogan taking a stash would become an instant bogan pizza.

However, just walking from one car to the next is perfectly safe so long as at least one of the bogan pizza flatteners, err, doors, is open.

18 04 2011
Vviv2

We can only dream of this happening on a regular basis Peter…. 😀

18 04 2011
simon

I’ve always assumed it is to draw even more attention to the shitty r’n’b track they’re playing on their phone. Without headphones.

18 04 2011
Snag

I’ve had the pleasure of many train rides with bogans (actually, bogan spawn) deciding that the entirety of the carriage needs to hear exactly what they are listening to, which is always awful modern RnB or Rap. It’s a shame there are laws against forceful insertion of phones into bogan arses.

18 04 2011
Jason

I saw the most peculiar thing recently. I was on a long train trip reading quietly when an unholy trio of larval bogues (2xM, 1xF) appeared and, between swearing loudly and playing maxtreme mobile games, one kept listening to Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose” at obnoxious volumes on his mobile. It is now my go to example of a social non-sequitor.

18 04 2011
D

Haha,
Nice song choice.
usually it’s 2pac.

18 04 2011
clipper

The funny thing about 2pac is that he studied ballet and appeared in a few Shakespeare plays – what would the bogan make of that!

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

Tupac is awesome. The bogans are too thick to get his lyrical references.

18 04 2011
John

“The door will be loudly slammed behind the bogan…”

If there’s one thing I hate about bogans more than anything else, it is their propensity to make, and be oblivious to, about 1000% more noise than is required in any given situation.

Slamming doors, yelling, letting their goddamned dog(s) bark ALL night, revving their car aggressively, talking loudly, letting their feral kids play with skateboards outside your bedroom window at 2:00 am – there is no situation in which a bogan cannot impinge upon your peace and quiet with their stupid and loud opinions and actions.

19 04 2011
Willard

For some time now John I have surmised that bogans are scared of the dark -hence their desire to increase noise levels after the sun goes down. Every bogan must have a dog, a radio tuned to mindless commercial FM shite or a V8 Commondore that must be warmed up every time it’s started. But what gets me frothing at the mouth is the need to check that every f**king door on the Commondore opens and shuts in the middle of the night – twice if possible!!! Carnts.

18 04 2011
Huggies

This is why we need ghost stations in certain areas.

18 04 2011
mitty

Relax folks. It’s perfectly fine to let bogans ride inbetween carriages on some of the older trains, because in the event of an accident, this can happen.

18 04 2011
Pmaxtreme

“the bogan digs itself out of its seat and slithers towards the forbidden door”
That is gold! TBL – you make my day on a regular basis. Thank you.

18 04 2011
ShoulderChip

Three Billy Bogans Gruff

18 04 2011
ShoulderChip

This happened to me the other day when three extremely ‘tasty’ bogues boarded the train at Sunshine on their way to Melton (the bogan heartland).

After swapping carriages they propped themselves in a doorway drinking cans of VB.

Amidst all their swearing and bravado the extremely crusty baguette announces to her two male companions – “I don’t like to no-one on my level. But to anyone else with authority, I give them em heaps.”

Good to see that she was not discriminating. Those harsh parameters did not rule out many.

18 04 2011
Mr Q

You get all sorts on trains though. I remember being on the 2am train out of Perth city one night and having these two (fairly hot) chicks come sit next to me – and then start prosletyzing some fairly extreme Hillsongery Christianity at me. At which point (having five minutes to my station), I decided to tell them I was a Deist, and what that meant. I’m not entirely sure their heads didn’t explode.

18 04 2011
Davo

Why do bogans think that their bag needs a seat?

18 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The wife has to sit somewhere.

Boom tish.

18 04 2011
Blueballs

I’ve said it once and god damn it, I’ll say it again, for a social anthropological field trip never to be forgotten get on the V-Line train from Warrnambool to Melbourne. I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ a couple of times. Each station en route unearths a slight different sub-specis of bogan with their own dress and pre-mix preferences. My advice is get a ticket either near the dinning car (Bogans can resist a microwaved chicken roll) or the rear carriage designated for ‘unreserved’ seating (Bogans obviously can’t manage a train booking prior to departure)
Get on at Warrnambool, that way you can steadily lose you faith in your fellow man before the shock of hitting Colac, from what I’ve seen is Bogan ground zero, The majority tend to get off at Geelong but a few go all the way to Melbourne, lured by the DFO on Spencer St, where they proceed to remove their designer pig dog puppy from their Rip Curl backpack and disappear into the city.

18 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

My train line (Cronulla to Bondi Junction) is pretty good for bogue behaviour as well.

From Miranda to Como you get all the Shire scum spilling in (interesting observation – despite my neighbourhood’s reputation, I’d wager that at least a third are at least a quarter wog, normally Italian or Greek), Hurstville you get all the Boguesians (they exist, trust me, and are no less annoying) and Rockdale and Arncliffe adds a load of fully sik boiz to the route.

I just sit in a corner and watch. Occasionally you might even get a fight or two.

18 04 2011
urbanreverie

Thank you, TBL. All those people who keep saying that you guys have jumped the shark can go and get stuffed.

Going off on a slight tangent here, but I think the bogan’s behaviour with respect to public transport is worthy of further study by the eminent boganologists here assembled. Here are some of my thoughts on the matter.

(1) “Aspirational” bogues (and God, how I detest that word in this context – as if aspiring to a better life for yourself and your family is a bad thing – but what other word should replace it? “Materialistic”? “Consumeristic”? “Greedy”?) hate public transport. Hate hate hate hate HATE it. They wouldn’t be caught dead using a form of conveyance which involves having to share said conveyance with your fellow man.

There is a certain “aspirational” bogan relative of mine who used to live in Sydney’s outer western suburbs and worked in Parramatta. She whinged to me about the traffic jams and the cost of petrol, parking and tolls on the M4. So I went to 131500.com.au and printed some journey planner itineraries up. “Listen, I’ve found the answer to your problems. There’s a bus that leaves from the end of your street every 30 minutes, much more often in peak hour. It meets nearly every train at your nearest station. The journey will take no more than 40 minutes, and it’s something like $5 each way, cheaper if you buy a weekly – far cheaper than the parking let alone tolls and petrol.”

Did she listen to me? Nup. 😦 Didn’t even thank me! Other “aspirationals” I’ve known are the same, I’ve found. I think it’s snobbery. Driving around in your own car, despite the massive cost and the existence of viable public alternatives, is a way of saying to the planet “Look at moi, oi’ve arroived! Oi don’t need to catch trains an’ stuff any more!”

(2) Teenbogues love public transport. Well they probably don’t love it, but they’re dependent on it. But not buses for some reason. Or ferries, for that matter. But they use trains a lot. Especially on Saturday nights, where they can engage in the behaviour described by TBL today to the absolute maxtreme while being complete wankers.

(3) The feral bogans – the old-school ones who are typically reliant on social security and may have a substance dependence issue, who wear hoodies and have only five rotten teeth left – don’t necessarily love public transport. But boy, do they love railway stations! “Station rats”, I think a previous commenter so adequately described them. “Scuse me, mate? You gotta dollar? Ya fargun kyurnt! I’ll fargun’ roll ya if ya dun gimme a dollar!” The welfare bogans use public transport extensively (often without paying their fares then wonder why they owe the State Penalties Enforcement Registry $3,000 in unpaid fines), but only because they’ve little choice.

(4) The least bogan form of public transport would have to be ferries. This applies in both Sydney and Brisbane. I have two theories – being on water calms people down; and ferries typically serve affluent inner-city waterside suburbs with a very low bogan quotient. Perhaps these two theories are both correct.

Anyone else have any bogan PT observations to add?

18 04 2011
p'bee

your point about aspirational bogues is spot on. they really do see public transport as beneath them. trains may be acceptable on special occasions, but buses, never.

19 04 2011
Nelson Esq

Other bogan PT behaviour:

The rotting teeth, hoodie wearing feral bogans always choose to sit on the floor, blocking the doorways even if there are seats available. They drink cans of VB or Jim Beam & Coke and don’t bother moving when the train stops at a station, making people step over them to get off the train. They complain and shout abuse if they accidentally get kicked by someone.

In Victoria, smoking is banned in the covered areas of train stations and bus/tram shelters. From what I have observed, this law does not apply to bogans.

Bogans love trains to go to the footy, especially if they are a Collingwood supporter. Imagine a whole train load of bogans being 1000% maxtreme by yelling out loud and swearing (because that is sooooo funny!), and putting their feet on the seats…it happens every weekend.

Bogans love the last train home. Being on the late train says that they were out as long as maxtremely possible. Being on this train while pissed also gives the bogan the licence to do whatever it wants, including vandalising the carriage with either graffitti, by scratching the glass or slashing the seats. However the only time you will ever see a bogan behave on a train is when a transport officer is aboard. The bogan doesn’t like this and is suddenly in control of their ADHD.

21 04 2011
Whistling Nixie

“Driving around in your own car, despite the massive cost and the existence of viable public alternatives …”

Viable? That would be true if you lived in Paris, Berlin, Seoul or Toronto, but generally, public transport needs massive improvements to attract people who already own cars, and who want to get “value” for the high fixed costs of their vehicles. Having already shelled out a fortune for registration and insurance, even if they just bought a car to get to and from work (and an overwhelming number of job ads stipulate “Must have own transport”), they figure that the petrol to make a shopping trip on Saturday won’t cost much more in the scheme of things. (I’d like to see registration fees slashed to one tenth of their current levels, compensated for by a hike in the fuel levy to compensate.)

There are some parts of the major cities which have reasonable urban-level public transport, with good frequencies and operating hours (such as premium bus routes in Brisbane https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/aqYmJ6ppH4xTFZEgXKg6JtXud7RjdJ_NHlq7gkLKW5s?feat=directlink), but they only cover selected (generally more affluent) areas. Entire metropolitan areas need to enjoy the same levels of service, thereby creating a “network effect.” As for bogan behaviour on buses and trains, I’ll confess I’m a subscriber to the New York-style “zero tolerance” approach (although the NYPD baulk at that actual term).

21 04 2011
Mr Q

“Aspirational” in terms of the bogan doesn’t mean a better life, it means more things. ie, “I aspire to have a 70 inch 3D LCD TV”.

19 04 2011
POMMIE MICK

Having to commute to work from the Central Coast I have experienced all the Bogan habits.

Arriving at the station if the wind is in the right direction you can smell the ciggy smoke wafting over the platform

Early morning train is a sleeper to Bogans. ie spread across a set of seats and screw anybody else

Stink of smoke or stale beer

At the weekends a whole tribe of bogans will take over an area of seats complete with pillows and duvet.( And for some strange reason they stuff all their belongings in those big tartan plastic bags)

All phone conversations are loud and sprinkled with swearing

Buying a ticket is not compulsory

I stick my headphones on and hope for the best

Oh and forgot to add at the moment the train home is full of bogans who have wasted huge amount of money at the Easter show on crap bags and cheap sweets (or lollies as you call them). The female of the clan will have a tattoo on her boob and the sprogs will be let loose to wander the carriage. The male will be in the toilet having a smoke

19 04 2011
urbanreverie

Ugggh, don’t remind me of the stench in the toilets on those V sets, Mick! Bad memories that I thought I had repressed long ago …. *curls up into foetal position in the corner and rocks gently back and forth repeating to himself “I want my mummy, I want my mummy …”*

21 04 2011
Whistling Nixie

At least on CityRail’s interurban lines, you know there’ll be toilets – unlike Sowff East Queensland’s Sunshine Coast line.

22 04 2011
DH

I get the train from Broadmeadow to Central or Redfern three times a week for uni, and I’m astounded by the low-lifes that visit the Sydney Royal Easter Show. Yelling on the phone is compulsory for the ‘adults’, the kids scream almost constantly, and the conversation plumbs the depths. eg This arvo, what would have been a 10yo kid said to one of the young adults he was with, “I wanna get my ear pierced, but my mum won’t let me.” Her reply?

“Yeah, it’d get ripped straight out when you start having fights.”

19 04 2011
Benny Hill

This post should be mounted in between the carriages on all trains for bogan’s to read. It should be in small writing with a button at the bottom that reads ‘when you have read the article push the button for a free ciggie’ whereby they are sprayed right in the fucking face with pepper spray.

This will also extinguish the cigarette.

18 11 2014
kg2095

You think bogans read?

19 04 2011
Graeme

Gold this one!!!!!. One only hopes that they take the chains from the sides between the carriages, allowing a bogan cull. Love that sort of manners of opening the door (waltzing through without a scintilla of a thought to close it) on a cold winter morning.

19 04 2011
mrsynik

Read this thread on the Australian Transport Discussion Board – all you need to know about bogans on public transport. Notice how many responses its had since the start!

http://www.busaustralia.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=22052

19 04 2011
Davo

I’ve noticed alot of hostility on this blog about smokers. Just remember that when your sitting on your arse for 20 years not working, smokers like me will be dead. The health care i receive will be for a short time, while non smokers will burden the system for years.
Enjoy life as you decay in your nursing home.

19 04 2011
Pendant

:notsureifserious:

24 04 2011
Phil S

You are of course dead right – in the UK the Institute for Health Economics came to this conclusion in the mid 1990’s – although smokers do have a worse “health record” it is generally over a shorter lifespan. Add the costs of pensions, and treatment of chronic (non-smoking related) illnesses, and it’s actually CHEAPER for Society to ENCOURAGE smoking as a habit, especially if the level of taxation revenue is maintained.

P.s. we don’t smoke (so maybe we too will becoma an added burden on Society in the future, IF there is a habitable future for Australia, that is!

25 04 2011
Davo

I’d also like to know why some people get so angry when a smoker lights up within 100m, but dont care about sitting under a dirty air conditioner all day and night, or breathing in car and truck exhausts fumes whenever they go outside?

19 04 2011
qwerty

Thanks TBL. Came home depressed about living in the western suburbs of Melbourne and being reliant on public transport. I had an inkling that dropping by TBL might be a salve of sorts, and it worked a treat. A perfectly timed post.

19 04 2011
Alex

A pet hate of mine is bogans jumping the fence/of the end of the platform just to get out of the station quickly. Today I saw someone jumping over the fence, the exit being a mere 5-10 metres away!

19 04 2011
Tankasaurus

As a bus driver, I can assure you that bogans do in fact catch them. Mainly the 25 year old pensioner types, covered in tatts that try and smuggle pre-mix onto the bus, and spit all over the floor at the back seat. There’s quite a few in my area that I simply drive right past. Such as Uber-Mullet, who likes to smoke down the back. Like no-one would notice. Or there’s the pension couple, who get off the bus then ask each other “where the i-Pad is”. Money well spent.

20 04 2011
Danny

#223 Riding a pushbike whilst keeping your hands off the handlebars

24 04 2011
??

waiting for this entry. currently in italy. lots of this goes on here, too. there’s the wogan for you

28 04 2011
James

ummm…. those aren’t emergency doors, and it is perfectly fine and legal to use the open walkways on the older style silver trains to move from one car to another. It’s only illegal the travel on the walkways. Honestly, is this site even about Bogans anymore?

Yes. TBL

29 04 2011
Matt

I like it when these grubs wait until the last second to get on the train — running for the doors even as the “door closing, stand clear” beeper is announcing their imminent closure.  The door closes on the bogan, who forces it open, breaking it in the process.  They then stand in the doorway and holler “Come ON, Kiara!” at their giggling friend.  Then the guard has to come down the carriage and manually reset and close the door (if it’s not completely broken).  Thanks guys, well done.

20 05 2011
Dave

Aspirational is a phrase that non bogans give to bogans, i doubt a bogan has ever uttered the word, its got too many syllables. Also i have noticed that bogans find it impossible to not leave the current carriage at every stop via the doors, walk to the next one along the platform, then before the next stop after that, they will walk back through, sometimes leaving the door open, for no other reason than they think this demonstrates their disdain for authority. Non bogans just think they look like dickheads, which they are.

20 05 2011
David

Yes! I noticed this as a quintessential bogan trait many years ago when I commuted in and out of the city for uni for an hour at a time. When I saw this website some time ago, I wondered whether you would describe this bogue phenomenon, and now you have. Excellent.

4 01 2012
Johnny

If you want to watch bogans in their natural habitat, take the Blue Mountains Line. Almost every trip on that line you see some bogan (usually teenage) who goes into the vestibules/between carriages to smoke or graffiti. Add that to the teenage mums who yell every swear word under the sun at their kid(s), the mullet wearing bogans drinking VB and talking about how they’re going to “f–kin’ smash that c–t. and the teenbogues who play their godawful death metal or rap music so the entire carriage can hear.

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