Friday Boganomics – Cyrano de Boganac

8 04 2011

During the week, Woolworths announced that its CEO, Michael Luscombe, was stepping down in favour of some fresh blood in Grant O’Brien. The local media, desperate to get into a flurry over something other than Kevin Rudd telling the country what it already knew, began flailing wildly for an angle, settling on one of two narratives: that this may mean a ‘change in strategy’ for a company that is well entrenched in a loss-leading price war with an encroaching Coles and is committed to a long-term expansion into hardware with Lowe’s to take on Wesfarmers’ Bunnings, or that he’s a ‘shelf stacker’ made good.

Both of these narratives are flawed. The first, because it is wrong. The second, because it is boring. We here at Boganomics, however, have the real scoop. Woolworths has long had little need to actively court bogan bucks, primarily due to the epic incompetence of Coles Myer, but also because bogans had little other choice. While bogans will avoid ALDI upon learning of its kraut roots, the emergence of a functioning, competitive Coles, and Costco allowing the bogan to purchase cheap things in maxtreme quantities, means that it now needs to take the bogan seriously. If you consider this a change in strategy, then perhaps the media got it right.

Below is a confidential memo that was leaked to Boganomics from the highest level of the Woolworths executive – Chairman James Strong, clearly articulating the task ahead of the new CEO. This is not information that Woolworths wishes to become public.

To read the top-secret memo, head over to our weekly column at the Macrobusiness Superblog.

 


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79 responses

8 04 2011
chris

Behold the sleeping behemoth that is the bogan demographic. Fear and tremble. Funny, but I remember reading a motoring mag, years before TBL, that described a blinged-up Holden ute as “catering to the office bogan market”.
As for Gerry Harvey: pfffttt. No one ever lost money shovelling cash into something with “.com” on the end of it, right? What a douche.

8 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ Never Been to Me – Rebooted for modern Australia.

Hey boguette, you boguette, cursing at your life
You’re a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I’ve no doubt you dream about the things you’ll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you…..

Oh, I’ve been to Kuta and Caboolture and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a tradie man and we f*cked in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I’ve been to a glassin barn but I’ve never been to me

Please boguette, please boguette, don’t just drive away
‘Cause I have this need to tell you why I’m all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won’t you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies….

Oh, I’ve been to Phuket and Mackay while I’ve sipped Breezers on a jetski
I’ve moved like Britney at the Goldy and showed ’em what I’ve got
I’ve been undressed by moiners and I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see
I’ve been to a glassin barn, but I’ve never diddled myself

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It’s a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we’d like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It’s that screaming baby you’re holding, it’s that fat loser you fought with this morning
The same one you’re going to try anal with tonight
That’s truth, that’s love……

Sometimes I’ve been crying for the Pandora bracelet that might have made me complete
But I took the brazillian, I never knew I’d be sore from the wax
I’ve spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady……
I’ve been to a glassin barn, (I’ve been to a glassin barn)
But I’ve never been with Fevola

8 04 2011
RobertL

Simon – that’s just beautiful. Not a dry eye in the house.

8 04 2011
Gold Coaster

Agreed.

8 04 2011
chris

So it’s song parody ye be after.

Sung to “Anarchy in the UK”

I am a pugilist
Broken beer glass in my fist
I work down the moines and I go real hard
I make more cash than that bitch Gillard
Cos eyeeeeeeee
Wanna Beeeeee
A C.U.B.

Is this Double Bay
Where every second bloke is gay
And drinks double-soy latte
No, its mutha-f*cking WA
God’s owwwwnnn
F*ckinggggggg
Countreeeeeeeee….

8 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Genius!

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Brilliant. So brilliant I wish I’d thought of it.

For being better than me, *glass*

8 04 2011
chris

I am humbled by praise from such luminaries; even a glassing. Ash, you glass because you care.

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Tell me you’re going to start your own commune?
You need to pass all that wisdom on to the masses…. 😀

8 04 2011
urbanreverie

Thanks, Simon. That’s gotta be the best rejig of popular song lyrics on TBL since Ash reworked Coolio’s “Gangsta Paradise”.

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Speaking of myself, your guest-written episode of this week’s Bogue and Boguette Show will be dropping by this afternoon.

8 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Thanks for the guest spot, Ash…a fine effort that, given your self-confessed inside working knowledge of boganic behaviour! Well done.

8 04 2011
Mr. Eyesore

…who, in turn, reworked Stevie Wonder’s Pastime Paradise (from Songs In The Key Of Life, released in 1976).

It’s all one big infinite loop, people.

11 04 2011
chris

Patti Smith does a pretty cool cover of it as well.

8 04 2011
Graeme

I realise there’s probably not a lot left to lampoon as it’s been done so well….. but am I alone in finding this new stuff boring and rather convoluted ? Was fun while it lasted.

8 04 2011
Gold Coaster

Maybe it is on it’s way out. All good things must come to an end.

8 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

No chance of that happening, until the undifferentiated multiplying bogan hordes are brought to their day of reckoning, which given the current paradigm at the Government and business levels, isn’t going to change anytime soon.

However, when the impact of peak resources (oil, gas, minerals, phosphate, etc.) or massive global financial depression begins to have an unavoidable effect on the masses at a personal level, the bogan will then not have the motivation to modify their consumption behaviours, with their penchant for all that’s pointlessly novel that satisfies their base desires. Until then, the bogan will still provide much grist for the mill that hasn’t even been thought of by marketing gurus yet, ergo TBL will still be providing many thought provoking critiques for a long time to come.

Also don’t forget that they’re also busying themselves preparing a follow-up to their first book cataloguing their likes. Far from dried up, I say.

9 04 2011
urbanreverie

I agree, Turnips. The bogan is not like phosphate on Nauru or even iron ore in the Pilbara. Bogandom is truly an inexhaustible mine. Because as soon as they get tired of some latest fad, they just move straight on to the next one.

If you ever want to get a firm grasp on just how many things bogans like, get a job working in directory assistance (if this grabs you, Turnips, I know there’s a massive call centre in Joondalup which is contracted by Telstra to provide DA to its customers). Honestly, I can write down twenty things that bogans like off the top of my head which haven’t been mentioned even tangentially by the good folks at TBL.

9 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I actually rather like, no, love, my work in disability services. I’d only change my current job once I return to uni to gain qualification as an occupational therapist, and further to that, I’d probably train in building or housing design in order to marry those skills together in order to be able to design housing that is not only ergonomically sound (i.e. building in accessibility to accommodate the entire lifespan of any occupants), but also environmentally, economically and perhaps most overlooked by most designers but most critically, socially sustainable, as to allow better psychosocial integration both within the home and with the immediate community, which is lacking in almost any new development: this is where most new planned communities fail, as they have the right idea at a meso (intermediate) level, with parks and gardens and the like, but at the micro (immediate) level, they’re mostly still the one-size-fit-all 3×2/4×2 designs of the last 40-or-so years for nuclear families that doesn’t do anything to encourage socialisation beyond (or even within) the home, which is part of the problem of community breakdown due to isolation.

10 04 2011
Vviv2

I thought less socialisation was being actively encouraged by many commerce-led western world powers?
Divide & conquer….. separate the majority of bogans from too much serious (sober) contact with their peers, distract them with sports & inconsequential pap in the media, & they won’t do more than whinge a bit when they’re taxed/fleeced/over paying to within an inch of their gullible souls.
Surely to encourage socialism, would be to risk the malleable masses to THINK? Is that really a wise move?
Once thinking turns to realisation, retaliatory action may possibly follow…. In short, the masses might refuse to be easily led.
How can anyone make a profit from that?

10 04 2011
urbanreverie

I’d like to quote George Orwell here, Vivv2: “What I have seen of our governing class does not convince me that they have that much intelligence.”

I’d hazard a guess and say that the breakdown in community life in the western world in the past 50 years has multiple causes: the advent of television and, latterly, the internet; the shift from stable, life-long jobs in workplaces with many hundreds of employees to less permanent roles in smaller workplaces; the popularity of the motor car and inadequate provision of public transport; lower population densities in our cities; less people working 9 to 5 and more people working odd shifts and weekends; the death of the local corner shop with retail now centralised in fewer, larger establishments where it’s impossible to get to know the staff members and other customers.

I doubt there is some evil cabal sitting in a gentleman’s club in Washington DC or London rubbing their hands in glee and saying among themselves “Bwahahahaha! I know! We’ll reduce the buses to an hourly service so nobody will use public transport and get to know their neighbours at the bus stop; shut down that friendly little corner shop at the intersection of Park and Queen so everyone will have to drive fifteen minutes to the Safeway; flood the airwaves with puerile crap like Big Brother and The Force: Behind The Line – that’ll show them commies in the working class!”

I’d say it’s mostly just the result of the laws of economics and the unforeseen impact of technologies such as broadcasting and the internal combustion engine rather than some conscious decision by our leaders to oppress the masses – as much as they’d like to keep the working classes down, I doubt they have those kinds of co-ordination abilities or foresight.

And the reason why the masses don’t think is because they don’t particularly want to think. The average person is happy going through life without having to exert their cerebella too much. Good on them. I’m kind of jealous of them.

If people want to think, they can always start watching the ABC, go down to their local independent bookshop, go to the theatre, buy Quadrant or Quarterly Essay or the weekend Sydney Morning Herald. And hey, it’s a free country – you can’t make people think if they don’t want to. 🙂

10 04 2011
Vviv2

No Urban…I wasn’t thinking of mysterious cabals, more greedy multi-national companies who seem to have an ever greater ability to garner the co-operation, (or inaction) of our ostrich-like government.
There is very little to protect small businesses, farmers etc. from their greedy tentacles – the ACCC is a joke!
I don’t think we ever quite lost the “Dig it up & drag it back to Mother England” attitude prevalent when this country was first colonised. We simply continue to sell this country to whomever wants it, for whatever purpose they want it for, with no thought to our own future.
I agree though, the break down of society is moving ever faster….
kk….NOW I’m depressed! 😦

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Oh, Not ‘oppress’ the masses so much as ‘dumbing them down’….very successfully too!

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Why can’t we learn to live together?

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Well, maybe we didn’t need to wait till the afternoon, for here’s this week’s episode, guest-written by your favourite Glasser of Carnts, of…

THE BOGUE AND BOGUETE SHOW!

(A/N: I don’t have UR’s skill with HTML, so youse carnts will just have to imagine it where it should be).

(SETTING: The headmaster’s office at the Holy Redeemer Of Sacred Light Biblical Christian College. The headmaster sits behind a large, imposing oak desk while BOGUE and BOGUETTE sit opposite him. BOGUE is wearing his work clothes, topped off with the requisite fluoro vest, and looking particularly irritated.)

BOGUE: Mate, how long is this going to take? I’m a busy man. The boys on the road crew can’t do without me for long.

HEADMASTER: I understand your situation, sir, but this is a serious incident. Your son Aiden was involved in a fight with another student at lunchtime today.

BOGUE: That’s why you called us here? Bloody hell, mate, boys get into fights all the time! I remember when I was a kid…

BOGUETTE: Shhh, honey, let the headmaster speak. What happened?

HEADMASTER: Apparently, Aiden confronted another student in his class named Maxx at lunchtime over a rumour that he had been spreading in class over a girl.

BOGUETTE: Was it that Mattyilda again? Bloody hell! I told Aiden to stay away from her! Her mum’s such a bitch, honey, remember what I told you how she cut me off a few days back when I was dropping the kids off? Slut! You hear she’s on…

BOGUE: Shut the hell up, will ya? Let’s hear the man speak. (turns to Headmaster) Sorry about that, mate.

HEADMASTER: Yes, well, eventually the confrontation became a fight and Aiden bloodied Max’s nose.

BOGUE: Fark yeah! Just like I taught ‘im. That’ll teach that little prick not to mess with my boys!

HEADMASTER: Mmmm, yes, while we understand that boys will be boys and incidents like this will happen, unfortunately with Aiden they seem to happen too frequently. I called you in today because this is the fourth time this term he has been involved in a fight with another student.

BOGUE: Whatareya tryin’ to say, mate? That my kid’s a little prick? (BOGUE stands up) You lissen here, mate! My boys, all four of them, they gots to battle that ADHD every day! You think they got it easy? You think we got it easy? I gotta pay for their Ritalin!

HEADMASTER: Sir, we understand that this is a difficult situation, but would you please sit down?

(BOGUE, chastised, sits quietly.)

HEADMASTER: Our school chaplain and psychologist have been working with Aiden since the last incident, and they both seem to agree that he has, at best, a mild case of ADHD. His behavioural issues appear to be more a case of what is commonly called, “acting out.”

BOGUETTE: Whatareya saying?

HEADMASTER: How much time do you spend with Aiden?

BOGUE AND BOGUETTE TOGETHER: Well…(lengthy pause).

BOGUETTE: We watched A Current Affair together a few weeks back.

BOGUE: I took Kaiden and Jaiden to the footy last Saturday, but Aiden and the other kid didn’t come. They were playing Xbox or sumfink.

HEADMASTER: I see. Well, while I do not like to criticise parents or question them, might I suggest that Aiden’s behaviour might improve if you spent more time together as a family? That would certainly go a long way towards mitigating his tendency to behave badly to try get attention.

BOGUE: Farkin hell, mate? You calling us bad parents?

HEADMASTER: Well, no sir, but…

BOGUE: Urrrgrggrhrhhhkarnt! (stands up) I work hard, bloody hard, every farkin’ day of the week so I can afford to get me kids the best and send them to the best school so they can learn values and education and that! And you got the nerve to call me a bad parent? Fark off, mate! You can take your school and your hippie feel good “parenting” bullshit and shove it up your arse! Aiden, Braiden, Jaiden, Kaiden, we’re pullin’ ‘em all outta this politically correct hellhole!

BOGUETTE: NO! Honey, think about it! Where’re we gonna send the kids? To public school? They got gangs and drugs and all them dirty reffos at public school?

BOGUE: I don’t care! I went to public school, I turned out fine, didn’t I? Fark it.

BOGUETTE: Lissen here! Maybe we could go to public school and it was all sunshine and rainbows for ya, but it’s changed since we were kids! Nowadays, public schools ain’t safe! There’s no values and that! I don’t want me kids to grow up to become junkies and dole bludgers!

BOGUE: Fark it. (calms down) All right. We’ll keep the brats here. Guess you don’t want to go on holiday to Bali then…

BOGUETTE: Thank you! Finally you see it…wait, did you say Bali?

BOGUE: Yeah I did, I was gonna take you and the kids to Bali with the money I saved from the school fees! Help you get over not having a job and that cause I been such a bastard lately.

BOGUETTE: Oh my god! (starts weeping for joy and throws herself around BOGUE, and leans into his ear) I got somefink special for you too when we get home.

(HEADMASTER clears throat. BOGUE and BOGUETTE turn around).

HEADMASTER: So, what would you like to do with your sons?

BOGUE: Keep ‘em here. Me wife wants it.

BOGUETTE: But what about Bali?

BOGUE: We’ll go anyways! I get paid tomorrow, we can put off some stuff for a while. We need a holiday.

HEADMASTER: Well. In that case, I’m sorry to inform you that we have no choice but to suspend Aiden for three days.

BOGUETTE: Suspension? But why?

HEADMASTER: School policy. You can pick him up on your way out. Maybe that holiday you mentioned will help. You know, spend time together as a family.

BOGUE: Hell yeah. (shakes hands with HEADMASTER). Sorry about that incident, mate. We’ve had some marital problems lately.

HEADMASTER: I understand. Have a good day, sir, and you too madam.

(BOGUE and BOGUETTE depart the office, with BOGUETTE’s arm around BOGUE).

8 04 2011
Gold Coaster

You are a literary genius Ash! That could have come from where I used to teach. Parents always got awkward at parent-teacher interviews when I asked them how much time they spent with Lorykah or Tameika.

Thank goodness I never had to deal with suspensions, or I would have ended up meeting Bogue and Boguette. I met Aidan, Kaidan, Jaidan and Braiden though.

How come you have so much insight into Bogue and Boguette meetings with the Principal? Just curious. Is it from observation, research, or extrapolation?

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

A combination of all three, GCer. Coaching junior footy gives you an insight into how bogan parents interact with rival authority figures in their kids’ lives. (I almost got punched once by one particular simian who took offense to my suggestion that his son could use some extra fitness training, namely a bit more running).

8 04 2011
urbanreverie

Good, Ash. Bloody good. Neither Bogue or Boguette were out of character at all. I imagine the headmaster though to be a fundamentalist Christian nutjob who drives a Volvo, wears a tweed coat and has a salt-and-pepper beard who would have banged on about how Aiden’s behaviour is so heathen or ungodly or something

And also, the first-person singular possessive pronoun in Boganese is almost always “me”. So Bogue would have said “that ME kid’s a little prick? …” and “ME boys, all four of them …”

I’ll give you an A-. Well done. You’ve made a great guest playwright this week. 🙂

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Haha, I forgot the “me” pronoun in places. An oversight on my part 😦

As for the headmaster, while I thought about making him a happy clapper Jesus freak I figured that it made more sense to make him normal, making our Bogue/Boguette look even worse by comparison.

8 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Great work Ash, you have set it up nicely for perhaps an Xmax rated episode next week.

8 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

That will be up to UR. I might drop by as a guest writer again in the future, but I have three assignments to do this week and I’m going up to QLD this weekend with my aunt and uncle visiting from the US.

11 04 2011
Tony

Queensland. The Bogan’s spiritual home.
You should be able to pick up some great ideas just by interacting with the locals

11 04 2011
Vviv2

Jeeze Tony! That’s a lot to ask of Ash.
The things we do for art….. 😀

11 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

With Ash probably not so much interact as intercourse will be his modus operandi.

11 04 2011
Vviv2

Excellent point Simon.
Isn’t he ‘On the wagon’ looking for a serious relationship?
Or was that last week?

8 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#6969 – Throwing their filthy stinking cigarette butts on the ground

It’s littering you illbred dipshits!

Also when did the legislation go through saying everyone over 65 has to buy a Camry?

8 04 2011
chris

Bogan marketing strikes again. The ashtrays and high beam switches are optional extras that CUB passes on in order to get the mad paint job and 19″ wheels.

8 04 2011
Pandabater

Camry drivers are the new Volvo drivers.
Leave them room, lots of room.
As always look for the hat.
It is your early warning device.

Free Hat!!!

8 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

So who drives Volvos now, except mums in SUV’s?

The other driver to give a wide berth is the Impreza driver (not the WRX).

8 04 2011
martin

I was going to say subaru people annoy me a bit. They’re slightly pretentious like they’re trying to say they’re outdoorsy aussie people.

Old people probably buy the camry because as a retiree money might be a bit tight and buying anything non toyota is a risk with reliability.

10 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Except fully sik kunt Impreza drivers.

They don’t annoy me a little. They annoy me a lot.

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Very new Australians, who still think it implies wealth & prosperity?
Never forget the Peugeot driver!

8 04 2011
urbanreverie

You forgot Magnas too, Panda. Magna drivers are just as bad as Camrys.

8 04 2011
Pandabater

Agree urban, although Magnas have regressed downward into the welfare market. Oldies love Toyotas, the sequence is (whispers) Cressida, Aurion, Camry. (I whispered Cressida as I used to own one, great car by the way if you can keep a head gasket in them)

8 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Toyota Cressidas—to wit, the last two series X70 and X80— were something of a Q-car, in that they used the Supra drivetrains, thus having some limited cult appeal with tuners, being a subtle and practical option for those for whom the Supra was too outre or impractical.

I admit to rather liking it when this is done, for it appeals to my appreciation of the perverse…imagine, a car synonymous for being something of a grandad’s choice being able to pull off some top drifting moves with its rear-drive Supra mechanicals warmed over with a ready aftermarket performance parts bin to work from! Even better when it’s in a beige car with standard 15″ alloys.

But this is coming from someone for whom a Subaru Impreza WRX or Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution with their body kits removed, quieter exhaust pipes fitted, finished in a base-model colour and having the smallest alloy wheels with an unassuming design would be a great step; to do the very opposite of what young people do when trying to hot-up their rear drum-braked (and in the case of Lancer, carburettored) base-model riceburners, with their hideous jewelled taillights, Milo-can mufflers and oversized wheels (which show how pitiful the basic brakes are).

8 04 2011
Pandabater

I always giggle at cars with 18″ wheels & 8″ drums, I can’t help it, its going to get me glassed one day.

9 04 2011
chris

If you want a real belly laff, check out the rear wheels of the dealer-pimped out Swifts that a lot of young boguettes are scooting around in. Those drum brakes look like they came from a 1960s Vespa.

9 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Hey, who needs to stop when you can go rooly fast…well, at least have a fully sik muffler noise!

10 04 2011
urbanreverie

On Gympie Road in Brisbane today – a silver Mitsubishi Lancer, probably about 5 years old, with a huge hot pink Playboy bunny sticker on the rear windscreen, which had a tint job of such poor quality that everything behind it appeared blurred. The Lancer was making a lot of noise; more noise than a crappy four-cylinder ricebox ought to. I wondered why it sounded so bloked up, then I saw the exhaust pipe – an aftermarket job which looked exactly like a trombone. WTF?

I also noticed that the boguette in question spent an inordinate amount of time flicking her hair back and admiring herself in the mirror rather than watching the bloody road. Me, I was busy watching the Lancer and giving myself plenty of room in case she did something stupid.

She is what Tomba’s son would call a “skankara”. BTW, Tomba, will your son let me borrow that word from him? And “gothapotamus” too. I love those words and wish that I possessed the genius to have thought of them in the first place.

10 04 2011
Davo

I love my mates car. It’s an old VL turbo station wagon. He took the turbo badge off 10 years ago so that it looks like a normal burgundy wagon.

11 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Smart fellow, he is, doing that. VL turbos were something of a revelation in their day. And you could get one in any ol’ anodyne colour (solid beige included) on an otherwise innocuous and solidly middle-of-the-road Berlina wagon. Ultimate late eighties Q-car.

The very opposite of getting a Conformadore SV6 or SS with a lurid colour, optional bigger wheels and all the badges to announce your upped power…bonus points for an HSV badge on a non-HSV model, though the uniquely-shaped-to-HSV LED taillights have made faking a garden-variety VE all too easily discerned, though I predict a surge in E3 Series front bumper assemblies grafted onto them to score the daylight running LED lamps.

Though, like xenon lamps, they are great for safety if OEM and well-designed (QED Audi, who pioneered these and also happen make the most effective car lighting bar none), they just look outright wanky when they’re the cheap aftermarket ones, which still burn at night, even when they’re not meant to.

8 04 2011
Pandabater

I had the MX83. I always thought they were a copy of a late 80’s BMW. 3ltr twin cam injected straight six, inward & backwards angle mcpherson struts, fully independent rear, the only problem was the limousine style auto gearbox, built for comfort not for speed. But a great touring car with full stealth capabilities, especially in pensioner maroon. Perfect for going around the outside of surprised youngsters in their poofy doofmobiles.

9 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

They were a direct competitor to the AR31 locally-assembled Nissan Skylines, which though not aesthetically pleasing to most, had a nifty drivetrain in their day.

As a matter of fact, in 1997 I nearly bought a 1989 Series III Ti, which had low kilometres and one owner, in white with navy velour trim—probably would not have been a bad car. But I’m glad it went to a good home, for I did see that one-and-same vehicle around a few months ago, still in good nick.

Well, it certainly would’ve been better than getting a similarly-powered Holden VL Calais in many respects, bar collectibility.

8 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

That’d make a great bumper sticker: “Bloody Volvo Drivers didn’t die, they now drive Camrys!”

Volvos are now coveted by what people would call libtards—particularly those who have families—insomuch as that they’re still excellent for safety, but have that element of prestige, and nowadays in the case of Volvo, style, that modern European cars have. As their marketing now suggests, the utilitarian ethic those Swedish conveyances formerly had has been largely consigned to the dustbin, except where it does have an attractive element, such as their exceptional ergonomics and storage features, such as integrated convertible child seats and multitudinous storage pockets.

8 04 2011
Pendant

Because these days it’s all about buying new (used cars? what the hell are they?) and Crown’s are too expensive.

8 04 2011
Pendant

Ha, I fail at youtube as well. Take 2:

8 04 2011
Pandabater

Love it Pendant, Crowns rock.

9 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

“It’s time to bring out…the Toyota Crown!”

The “Elderly Operations Centre” sketch is one of my favourite D-Gen sketches of all, with plenty of classic lines delivered by older actors, who all clearly revelled in the opportunity to deliver some comeuppance on the old fogey stereotypes, really hamming them up with glee.

They certainly showed the young tyros a thing or two here. Let’s hope that when they get a little bit older themselves, they too can be irascible in the same devilish manner!

10 04 2011
Tone

“You forgot the bad language? SHIT!”

11 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

“Bingo! Jana Wendt has just said ‘bottom’!”

“Hello, hello, Channel Nein? Yes, I want to complain!”

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Pure gold Pendant!
How do you find this stuff? 😀

10 04 2011
Pendant

This particular clip is featured on “The Best Bits of The Last Show” which if you haven’t seen yet you should run down to the nearest ABC shop and pick it up.

As to where I first came across it, I’m a bit young to have caught the original broadcast, but when I was a wee lad I used to get dropped of at my Aunty’s while the folks where at work, and she had “The Best Bits” on VHS, among other D-Gen/Late show titles and all many of things I should never have been viewing at that age.

10 04 2011
Vviv2

Thank you….I loved D-gen!
I just found & purchased it online….:-D

11 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I’m old enough to remember it first time around—I was 17-18 at the time—and me and my mates would never go out until after 11 PM on a Saturday night, after we had our fill of Champagne Comedy.

I had also recorded most episodes of the show to, which I have slowly digitising…better get cracking, though, as my VHS videotapes are nearly 20 years old and will fast deteriorate in quality from hereon in. But there’s been a private compilation project underway to salvage all these episodes, sadly of which the original ABC 1″ master tape reels have been accidentally lost or wiped. Big kudos to these people on managing to get everything, even resorting to tatty VHS on-air recordings where gaps were present, as the majority of footage was sourced from a fan who recorded onto superior Betamax tapes.

12 04 2011
Gold Coaster

%$#@*&!!! cigarettes! I think smoking itself is a TBL. There is no excuse in this day and age to take up smoking with all the proof of how bad it is for you, but that does not deter the bogan.

8 04 2011
Cuppa

If you want to help deboganise and push the ABC to return to its charter, please vote and comment on the petition.

http://suggest.getup.org.au/forums/60819-campaign-ideas/suggestions/1684971-petition-for-abc-to-return-to-its-charter

8 04 2011
Pandabater

Bloody hell, I’m in moderation for p00fy, FFS.
Get with the times TBL, daylight saving finished last week.

9 04 2011
ripa

I’m all for the bogan bashing, but where is the line drawn between Bogan & Yob?
They are similar but not quite the same. Is it financial? Or if B is dumb is Y dumber?
Keeps me up at night this…..

9 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

What nationality is Les Murray, is the question that keeps me up at night…I couldn’t help throwing in the TISM reference, as there was a confluence of pointers to that in the last few posts, namely identifying a “yob”, as well as the mention of the dumbing down of the ABC, which pales in comparison to the complete desecration of SBS (again, ties in with the song about Les Murray and “Lose Your Delusion” (version one or two, doesn’t matter), which decries the numbing effects commercial TV and that to fight it is pointless, thus exhorting us to “turn off SBS” and “forget Mary Kostakidis”.

Back to the original query. The differences of yob and bogan are rather nuanced; to my view, a yob is more the CUB or NaB, those being the type that are wilfully bogan, as opposed to the original garden variety bogan, of which we now dub as “old school”, whereby they were slightly rough around the edges and lowbrow in taste, but really did no one any real harm, almost typically lower blue collar working poor or in the welfare trap.

The yob is all about being maxxtremely belligerent, capricious and conspicuous, almost always at the expense and amenity of others. once again, TISM come to the rescue to elucidate, with their 1997 song, “Yob”, of which the lyrics are here.

9 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Actually, BoT, I always thought the opposite – the yob is the old-school bogan. The bloke who drives a ratty old Commodore, leaves tinnies out in the front yard and swears a bit much, but he’ll also help you start your car whenever you need it, help you up when you fall off a bar stool and is generally a top bloke.

9 04 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Put it this way, Boonie is a yob, Warnie is a bogan. Does that help?

9 04 2011
ripa

Got it now. Ta.

10 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

That’s how I imagined it.

I’d have a beer with Boonie any day (I’d probably even be stupid enough to try drink him under the table).

10 04 2011
AnotherJess

No one can drink Boonie under the table. It’s a scientific impossibility.

10 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I know, but my mother taught me to always give everything my best effort.

10 04 2011
chris

I have a good mate who is utterly bogan in his taste in music, movies, clothes, etc etc; the list goes on. However, as he is also a teetotaller pacifist who I don’t think has been in as much as a heated argument since primary school I struggle with calling him a yob. It ain’t always black and white.

11 04 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Maybe just an updated old-school bogan, nothing too much wrong with that.

I just wished that all the NaBs and CUBs didn’t catch affluenza and just stick to living within their means, economically and socially.

11 04 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Sounds like a guy I used to play footy with. Tribal tats on both his arms and his daughter’s name on his neck, drove a green VY SS ute, worked in the moines and everything…but didn’t have an aggro, racist or pretentious bone in his body. He just did the stuff he did cause he liked it.

12 04 2011
Gold Coaster

Good on him. I sometimes meet those types, and it’s easy to draw all sorts of stereotypical conclusions, and then you find them to be totally awesome people.

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