Friday Boganomics – March 25th

25 03 2011

While the bogan has spent the past few years variously coveting foreign-looking domestically produced beer, Mexican beer, and low-carb beer, what has remained constant is that the bogan has continued to enjoy getting the more traditional Australian beers on the cheap. With this in mind, the bogan has been incensed by the revelation this week by Fairfax that Foster’s cancelled beer shipments to Coles and Woolworths because the rival supermarket chains has plans to sell beer for really, really cheap.

This is not the first time that the Australian supermarket industry duopoly has resulted in product price wars that raised the ire of producers; the bread wars of a decade ago have been more recently followed by $2 bottles of milk. But with Coles finally making good ground on its pursuit of Woolworths, the stage was set for a large scale retail battle on the grocery product closest to the bogan’s heart. For the bogan’s liver is located mere millimetres from its heart, separated only by the diaphragm.

Read the rest of the article over at the Boganomics blog!


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35 responses

25 03 2011
Pendant

That graph infuriated me alright, but mostly because LoBI is a function of Price, and should therefore be on the y-axis, which would also handily solve the problem of having multiple y-values for the same x. Some good observations in there otherwise

25 03 2011
urbanreverie

Wow, I think TBL have discovered the Holy Grail of modern microeconomics – the Giffen Good.

Stuff those esoteric theories about the price of potatoes during the 1840s Irish famine – if TBL is right, beer is the only thing demonstrated to generate more demand the more expensive it gets, turning two hundred years of conventional economic theory on its head. 😛

25 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Ah, but it’s boganomic theory. Boganomics is an entire new field. There should be a degree in it, or at least the option to RPL because so many companies have been succeeding in it for so long.

25 03 2011
GoldCoaster

By the way, bogans don’t like RPL because they have to pay for it, even though they don’t actually have to go to TAFE. They don’t understand that RPL assessing actually requires for people to be paid to do it…

25 03 2011
martin

Wot. Fark off. Beer is a rip off.

Is that because of a duopoly or because of the tax on it or both?

We should have a nationalised beer company that sells a case for ten bucks.

25 03 2011
martin

Imagine how much power the libtards could have if they did that.

25 03 2011
martin

I’ve got another TBL idea. “Becoming a CEO”. Like Mark McInnes.

25 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

That’s too much work for your average bogan.

Since I personally love that beer is getting cheaper, I won’t say anything.

25 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

West End Draught $39 for 30 cans. Cheap as sh*t. Give you a hangover the size of Oprah’s gunt.

25 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Jesus, Simon. Have some standards.

And thanks for the mental image.

25 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I would not drink it, just saying is all.

25 03 2011
martin

We haven’t really given a title to the yuppy kind of bogans. I don’t think bogans are necessarily afraid of work, so long as it’s straight forward and simple. I wouldn’t know for sure but I would think being a CEO in retail would be fairly simple.

25 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Yugans? I thought that CUBs were inherently yuppy bogans.

I see your point, but it would also mean long hours – hours that could be spent drinking locally brewed foreign and glassin’ carnts.

25 03 2011
Pendant

Just because you’re a CEO doesn’t mean you can’t spend your working hours glassing carnts. Ref: Kerry Packer

25 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

There has been a title for yuppy bogans, right here on this blog: New-age Bogans, or NaBs in short.

These are the obnoxious types who are generally white-collar bogues furtively engaging in white-collar crime, often found in spivvy industries like property development, real estate, car sales, financial services, human resources consultancy, sales, marketing and juice bars…for none of these require university study if you get in at the lower levels, which suits their anti-intellectualism just fine and while not as maxxtremely remunerated like workin’ in the moines, they still pull enough of a salary to fund a habit of conspicuous consumption, or at least gain enough credit to indulge in this. These industries also are a good fit with their morals, of which they are utterly bereft of.

You’ll see the male NaB cruising about in his BMW or Mercedes-Benz coupé, with his over-styled hair gunked with ridiculous quantities of product, an ill-fitting lairy suit with fluorescent tie, oversized sunglasses and Club Med Chernobyl orange spray-on tan; the femme-NaB will be seen cruising about in a luxury marque SUV (think Lexus RX350 or BMW X5), with her cookie-cutter Toni & Guy/Maurice Meade hairdo wearing too much makeup, an ill-fitting power-suit with cleavage spilling out, oversized sunglasses and Club Med Chernobyl orange spray-on tan.

You can see them in vast numbers in the totally redeveloped (as opposed to slowly gentrified) areas close to the CBD (think Docklands for Melbourne, Pyrmont for Sydney and East Perth), often where they work, root, rest and play; despite desperately seeking the patina of cool that the inner city areas appear to impart, they’re still not quite able to shake their outer-suburban NIMBY sensibilities, in not being able to get their cloddish skulls around the fact that these areas have “vibrancy” every night of the week and not just Friday and Saturday nights, when they can be seen waiting at the velvet roped entry lines of “exclusive” bars, the ones inside sipping locally-brewed foreign-label beers and cosmopolitans.

These are the ones who aspirate to be effluent. These are the NaBs, the yuppy bogans.

Die Yuppie Bogan Scum!

26 03 2011
martin

I thought the NaBs were the ones with the ed hardy atire, full arm tatts and so on. Given the complete absence of morality and social conscience the yuppy bogans have, it is still apt and fitting to call them NaBs. Calling them yuppy bogans to me infers some sort of respect, that they have a reasonably high level of intelligence, patience and character, of which they have none. Because yuppy means young urban professional. Professional they are not. So imo there needs to be another title for these types, one that is sufficiently derogatory and scathing.

Spiv Bogans. How about that? It could be a start.

26 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Cause I love putting words together, I suggest Spivgans.

Although when I use the word yuppy, I mean it as an insult.

27 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

When going to the footy the NaB will wear a suit, so you know he is a business man, lower the tie and get plastered on Crownies. Wankers.

27 03 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

The ultimate dream of the footy-going NaB?

Corporate box.

Nuff said.

25 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
25 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

The scary part…that’s exactly how I always picture Martin in my head. Although I also imagine him in a castle looking down on the rest of the world as well.

25 03 2011
Pandabater

The Gay Naked Cowboy?

25 03 2011
martin

I have skill and work so therefore don’t have time to get a body like that. Nor would I want to as I would be joining the ranks of the douches.

So, do hot chicks still like douchebags? I think so, there’s a very young hot chick who works at a shop near me and I caught her giving a sultry smile to a dreaded, shirtless douche the other day.

25 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Sadly, it’s the truth. The only time I ever get attention from hot chicks is when I’m behind the wheel of my car, and anyone who didn’t know better would mark me as a douchebag for my ride of choice.

This is why I actually believe in PUA stuff.

25 03 2011
hindustan

very good read, factually accurate AND humourous…

it reminds of what this FOB (Fresh Off the Boat, for those who don’t know…) mailman i used to see. after getting to know him a little, he spoke of his big plans to get rich by, and i quote “selling beer to australians”…

…i wonder how he’s going now…

25 03 2011
chris

Fosters were apparently concerned that Woolworths and Coles were cheapening the brand of VB by attempting to sell it at below cost because it’s a heaps classy brew.

26 03 2011
urbanreverie

And, for those who are wondering where this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

is … do not fret – it is coming, I have the storyline worked out in my head. But I’m up to the gunwales in uni stuff, and simply have not had the time to put pen to paper (or, fingers to keyboard as it were .. you know what I mean). I’ll try and get it out over the weekend.

Anyway, a sneak peek …. Boguette continues her job seeking efforts, and in the process finds out Bogue’s dirty little secret …

Until then – Zzzzzzzz!

26 03 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I was waiting all night for it as well. You’re lucky I won’t glass ya.

26 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hate waiting, I have all the patience of a knat.

26 03 2011
urbanreverie

Ash, you’re a student too. You should have a bit more sympathy. 😛

In any case, here’s this week’s belated episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

(THE SCENE: A sunny afternoon in the kitchen of BOGUE and BOGUETTE’s McMansion, on the top storey. BOGUETTE walks in after fetching the week’s edition of the local newspaper from the letterbox. The only noises are from the massive double-door stainless-steel fridge with an ice dispenser on the front which is groaning from the strain of having to cool two whole cases of Jim Beam & cola premix cans, four Chinese containers of pre-cooked basmati rice from Coles and eight large tubs of pasta salad bought from the deli counter also in Coles, and also from the backyard where AIDEN, BRAIDEN, JAIDEN and KAIDEN are jumping on the trampoline beating the living daylights of each other.)

BOGUETTE: (walks over to window, opens it, sticks her head out and screams like a fishwife) Aiden! Braiden! Jaiden! Kaiden! Didn’t I tell youse dickheads to stop yer bloody carryin’ on? Aiden! Don’t you dare bash that tricycle over Kaiden’s head! Did you take your Ritalin before like you promised you would? Go to your bloody room right now, you little arsewipe!

(AIDEN just sticks his middle finger up at his mother and assaults KAIDEN’s skull with the tricycle anyway)

BOGUETTE: (sighs, closes window, sits down at the dining table and opens up the local newspaper) OK .. now let’s see … positions vacant …. oooh, “Sales Whiz wanted for an up and coming firm specialising in home solar power systems” … I’ll give them a call later. Now, let’s see what else is in this week’s rag … (flicks to front of paper) Hmm … more boring council crap …. primary school choir wins regional competition …. hmm .. what’s this? (eyes wide open) Huh? What? (gasps) Oh my … oh Christ! OH my god! Oh …..

(The front door slams shut and BOGUE stomps up the stairs like a rogue elephant, wearing his high-viz fluorescent orange polo shirt, King Gee shorts and steel-capped boots. BOGUETTE has her arms folded, and is staring at BOGUE stonily)

BOGUE: (walks to fridge, fetches a can of Jim Beam & cola) Oi! Where’s me dinner? You said you was gonna have it ready for when I get home … what? Why are you looking at me like that?

(BOGUETTE stares at BOGUE, unblinking, arms still folded)

BOGUE: What? Cat gotchyer tongue or sumfint?

(BOGUETTE continues her Easter Island statue impersonation)

BOGUE: Well? What’s wrong wiv ya this arvo, ya silly bitch?

BOGUETTE: (reads from newspaper) Magistrate Throws Book At Drink Driver. Local Court Magistrate Paul Edwards sentenced a 33-year-old roadworks labourer to 100 hours’ community service last Monday and suspended his licence for nine months after he was found guilty of driving with a mid-range blood alcohol concentration. Mr Edwards also imposed a $1,000 fine and took into account the defendant’s lack of remorse …

BOGUE: Umm … err … umm … it wasn’t me!

BOGUETTE: So that’s why your name is shown in the next paragraph!

BOGUE: Naah, must be someone else!

BOGUETTE: How … how dare you! You told me that I had to drive you to work because you said your eyes were really blurry and stuff! When I dropped you off on the main drag on Mondee, you weren’t goin’ to the eye doctor’s at all, were ya? You was goin’ to court!

BOGUE: Naah, I was goin’ to the doctor’s! Promise! Well, maybe I was going to the courthouse as well …

BOGUETTE: (throws rolled-up newspaper at BOGUE) How … how could you be so … so CRUEL! I hate you! You only wanted me back because you wanted someone to be your bloody taxi driver. Go on! Admit it! Stop yer lying for once in your paffetic life!

BOGUE: I just didn’t wantchya to get hurt an’ stuff! You know I’d never do nuffint to hurt ya!

BOGUETTE: That’s it, we’re through! I’m moving back in with Shevonne! This time for good!

BOGUE: And how am I supposed to get to work if you don’t drive me? How am I going to afford to buy ya your Bacardi Breezers then? I saw ya! When you came back from Shevonne’s, you missed yer Breezers. Admit it! You guzzled two sixers of them in sumfint like an hour!

BOGUETTE: I don’t care! I don’t care if I have to live on baked beans and drink cask wine the rest of me life! At least Shevonne don’t lie to me all the time! That’s it – we’re through!

BOGUE: Carn darlin’, don’t be silly! I won’t never lie to ya again! (sings) Every breath you take … every move you make … every smile you break, I’ll be watching you …

BOGUETTE: Oh, puh-leeze! That shit don’t work wiv me any more!

BOGUE: Yeah, and who’s gonna satisfy ya in bed at Shevonne’s? She’s a man-hatin’ lezzo, her place is a bloke-free zone!

BOGUETTE: I don’t care! I don’t care if I have to use Shevonne’s toys, I don’t need you in me life any more! (storms out of kitchen and starts packing once again)

BOGUE: (follows BOGUETTE down hallway into bedroom) C’mon, the kids missed ya, honeybunch! They missed ya like crazy! If you ain’t gonna stay for me, stay for the brats at least! I didn’t mean to hurt ya! It’s just that … well … I love you! And I didn’t wantchya to fink bad of me and stuff. I’m sorry … I’m so sorry I lied … I’ll never lie again.

BOGUETTE: (collapses onto bed and weeps) Oh … sniff sniff … I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. You’re right … Shevonne’s place is a bit uncomfortable I guess … and … she’s so povo that she has to cook her own rice, instead of buying it from Coles already cooked … I dunno … OK. I’lls tay here. But promise … you’ll never hurt me again.

BOGUE: All right, I promise. You know I loves ya! I wouldn’t pay for your tanjobs and stuff uvvawise! I love ya so much, I’ll even cook tea tonight. (walks to window, opens it and sticks his head out) AIDEN!!! Didn’t I tell ya never to hold Kaiden’s head under the water in that Buddha fountain?

THE END

26 03 2011
The Quote Train

Very good, but I feel you should have made mention of a ill fitting pin stripe suit from Man to Man, worn with white Billabong logo pattern belt and fake white crocodile shoes.

26 03 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I have no sympathy when my glassin’ paw is twitchin’. Luckily a trip to Penrith for a footy game has cured my urges.

Excellent post, although I still hope that my future idea for a Bogue/Boguette encounter with Aiden/Braiden/Jaiden/Kaiden’s principal will happen. I can even imagine it now.

27 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Great work as always Urban. I am looking forward to an X rated episode?!

29 03 2011
Tombarina

Boganicus Rex hasn’t heard the end of this, I’ll warrant.

I await the next documentary installment with bated breath!

28 03 2011
Grantley@Bogan-air

Thank goodness for beer such as MOO BREW!
Its rated NSFB (not suitable for bogans!)
I have the plastic cup with the warning!
It also comes in plastic bottles so glassing is ineffective.http://moorilla.com.au/moobrew/index.php

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