Friday Boganomics – March 18th

18 03 2011

After last week’s last-minute avoidance of maxtreme litigation from a certain vindictive mining magnate, we resume our regular broadcast schedule. Please check out this week’s contribution to the excellent Macrobusiness Superblog, in which we take a close look at the thought process and actions behind the development of Myer’s MyFind website.

It used to be so easy. In recent decades, controlling the bogan’s retail habits was as simple as spending a few million dollars on an advertising campaign on commercial television, and inviting television cameras to film other bogans trying to kick the front door of the shop in at 5am on Boxing Day. Even the advent of discount airlines and the associated rise in Phuket-sourced fake clothing and DVDs didn’t crack a mention at the boardroom tables of Australia’s largest retailers. But things have indeed changed.

They’ve changed to the extent that Gerry Harvey and Solomon Lew had to disrupt their drowsily symbiotic relationship with current affairs television, and use the medium as a key weapon in their battle to remain the bogan’s pathway to consumption. As has been adequately covered by columnists elsewhere, the PR campaign by the “Retail Coalition” did not go well, with the bogan correctly deducing that being asked to fund Gerry Harvey’s ongoing status as a billionaire did not represent a good value proposition. The debate about the GST is primarily a decoy designed to milk extra years of high margin shopfront duopolistic profits out of the bogan.

Read the rest of the article here.


Actions

Information

58 responses

18 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I’m really sorry to hear about the litigation, TBL! People just can’t take a joke anymore, can they?! Maybe that should be a TBL – Seriousness. But only as it applies to the bogan’s concerns. Everyone else’s issues or feelings are trivial and they need Full Body Rigidity.

22 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

http://whitewhine.com/ I am in love with this site.

22 03 2011
Pendant

Man this sh¡t makes me depressed. Whenever I feel like having a whinge I try to keep things in perspective, then BAM!, someone comes along a regales me with how tough their life is because the TV signal was weak during their favourite show (or some other banal bullplop). I think you just made me angry enough to shorten my life by a few days. Grrrrrrrr

22 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Anytime.

22 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Put it into perspective, Pendant! Others’ petty grievances aren’t going to shorten your life.

That’s a great site though. All those people should be sent to some genuinely poor country to learn what tough lives are.

22 03 2011
p'bee

that site is addictive.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Here in Adelaide it is Boganfest 2011(aka Clipsal 500). And there are 20,000 identically uniformed bogans, team shirt camo shorts etc, roaming around my place of employ.

This leads me to think that the next entry need to be Lanyards. Bogans f*cking love wearing lanyards. The more the better.

18 03 2011
chris

Glad I don’t work in the east end any more. The upside is that all the people who give me the sh*ts at work are away for two days.

18 03 2011
Pandabater

Should anyone over 13 or 14 wear cammo?
I think not.

Lanyards are way funny.
Look at moi, look at moi,
I’ve got a TICKET.
Aren’t I special.
Yes you are, get back
on the special bus.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Do they think they are roadies for Chisel?

18 03 2011
Davo

Even 13 and 14 year olds shouldn’t wear camo. It’s a uniform for soldiers, anyone wearing it that isnt in the ADF should be captured and sent to G bay.

18 03 2011
AnotherJess

In principle I agree with you, though I am tempted by Draggin’ Jeans camo in shades of pink…

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I saw a bit of Ali G the other day and you guessed it, dayglo camo!

19 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I admit I find camo sexy if on the right woman and right place.

Don’t ask why cause I don’t know myself.

18 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

You know what to do, Simon. Glass away.

19 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Serendipity hey Ash, the order if the comments. You probably saw Demi too many times in GI Jane.

21 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Yeah, stupid Mrs Ashton Kutcher. It’s his dumb dummy fault.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Re internet shopping, well I don’t really shop anyway but I get my bike supplies online. For eg the tyres I use retail at about $100 but getting them from the UK costs $35. Given they only last 5000km that saves me $250 per year right there without tubes, cassettes, derailers etc.

18 03 2011
martin

Yeeeeaah.

I’m looking for a new laptop power supply as mine is being sporadic in it’s functionality. The first one I got lasted about two years, died, then I got one from dse for $100, granted it’s designed to fit every laptop in existence, but a year or so later and it’s playing up.

So I look on ebay and I can get one for $11. Yay.

Oh and btw I just bought a new bed and it was $500. Wasn’t even made in farken Australia. Wtf. Can’t even knock a wooden bed together in this farken country and sell it for $500. Fark.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Martin, wine is great to buy online. You can get good stuff cheap from some of the clearance houses. I reckon Anotherjess got hers from one cheap.

18 03 2011
AnotherJess

Hey, I resemble that remark! Actually, i should start looking for a new, faster computer. This one is getting me down, by Toutatis.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Got to respect an Asterix fan.

19 03 2011
chubbybloodfart

ditto that. Asterix taught me french
and
http://www.graysonline.com/

but sshhh.
no-one else knows.

19 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I wanted to take Latin in high school cause of Asterix. Mistake.

What’s you guys favourite one?

19 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Roger that Chub, by the way Brookland Valley @ $13 is outstanding value. I got married there.

Favourite Asterix? The Village chief of course. Who does not want to be carried around on a shield!

19 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Roger that Chub, by the way Brookland Valley @ $13 is outstanding value. I got married there.

Favourite Asterix? The Village chief of course. Who does not want to be carried around on a shield!

22 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Asterix rules.

18 03 2011
AnotherJess

Black text on a dark grey background? You just failed web design 101.

18 03 2011
p'bee

it isn’t black text on a dark grey background – it just takes a second to load. patience is really helpful.

18 03 2011
AnotherJess

Patience? I’m a hard real-time software geek (think fire control systems – steel mill controls have too much free time to be a challenge). If a delay is noticeable, it’s unacceptable. See also my reply to Simon.

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#473 – Friday Whinge

18 03 2011
GoldCoaster

We all like that, not just the bogans!

18 03 2011
p'bee

yes, but ours are informed whinges.

18 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

‘Avin a whinge is an Orstralian tradition, ya carnt, and if ya don’t love it loieve!”

18 03 2011
urbanreverie

If it’s Friday, it must be time for another edition of …

THE BOGUE AND BOGUETTE SHOW!

(THE SCENE: It’s Saturday night on a Housing Commission estate in the outer suburbs, consisting of 1970s two-storey townhouses with beige weatherboards and yellow bricks clustered around a concrete cul-de-sac. The concrete is covered in graffiti, as are many of the brown timber fences. Many of the street light covers are smashed.

A Premier Cabs taxi turns into the cul-de-sac and stops outside one of the townhouses. BOGUE, carrying a sports bag, pays the driver and gets out of the car. He marches up to the door of the townhouse and knocks the tattered screen door violently.)

BOGUE: (knocks again) Carn, open the door ya slowcoach bitch.

(SHEVONNE, a frumpy, sour-faced, bespectacled young woman who is BOGUETTE’s cousin, opens the door)

SHEVONNE: Oh, it’s you, is it? Look what the cat dragged in!

BOGUE: Where’s me farkin’ missus, ya fat dyke bitch?

SHEVONNE: And who do you think you’re talking to? She doesn’t want to talk to you. Ever again. Now go away!

BOGUE: You listen here, you fat nutjob, and you listen good! You ain’t got no right to tell a bloke that he can’t even talk to his own bloody missus! I’ll get me lawyers at the Family Court to force you to let me talk to her if I have to!

SHEVONNE: Oh, is that so?

(BOGUETTE runs down the stairs, flustered)

BOGUETTE: How dare you call Shevonne a fat dyke bitch! I heard ya from upstairs. She’s me cousin and me best mate! Which is more than I can say about you, you cheatin’ bastard! Do I ever talk about your dickhead bloody family like that?

BOGUE: I’ll call yer stupid cousin anyfint I want, thank you very much! So, Shevonne, been in the nuthouse again since I last spoke to ya?

BOGUETTE: You – you pig! Shevonne’s got depression and stuff. It ain’t her fault that she’s gotta go into hospital sometimes and that! Now go away, you ain’t welcome here – I told you, things are through with us!

SHEVONNE: (looks wounded) Christ, I can’t handle this. Me cousin and I really, really don’t need to deal with you right now!(goes to close door)

BOGUE: (jams foot in front of the door) Shevonne, don’t you dare! You shut up, roit? I got the right to speak to me own wife whenever I bloody well want to!

(SHEVONNE exits stage left, into her lounge room)

BOGUE:Now, darlin’, won’t you please please pretty please come back? I miss ya, babe! I can’t live without you!

BOGUETTE: Well, you shoulda thought of that before you cheated on me.

BOGUE: But it was twelve years ago and it wasn’t anyfint serious and I ain’t never cheated on ya since!

SHEVONNE: (calls from lounge room) So that’s why the bird next door whose friend is a prostitute at that brothel on the industrial estate reckons you and all the boys from your construction company went around there when you got your Christmas bonus last year?

BOGUE: Didn’t I tell ya to shut up, ya dumb f#$kin’ suicidal lezzo bitch? Anyway, I just went into the foyer and sat and watched the telly while all the other boys got their end in, I didn’t root no whore or nuffint. Honest!

BOGUETTE: It’s over! There ain’t nuffint you can do to convince me to come back! You’re like a cancer, I’m glad to get rid of ya. Just a shame there isn’t the space here to have the kids with me. They’re probably starvin’ to death right now. And you probably haven’t been giving them their Ritalin either so their ADHD is probably really bad and stuff and they’re probably all about to get expelled from school.

BOGUE: Carn darlin’, I’ll do the right fing by ya from now on! Serious! Where would you rather live, in a disgusting hovel like this full of houso scum, or in a farkin’ mansion like with me?

BOGUETTE: I don’t care if you live in the Taj Mahal! I ain’t comin’ back! Never! I got Shevonne, I got me folks helpin’ me out, I don’t need nuffint else. Just me kids, which I’ll get back as soon as I get a job and me own flat.

BOGUE: Carn honey, fink of all the good times we’ve had together! Think of all the money I spent on ya, all the money I’ve given ya to to the day spa and get your spray tan and your manicures an’ shit. The holidays up in Port Douglas and Coffs Harbour! If I was some f#$kin’ selfish pig, would I do that kinda stuff for ya? Naah, I wouldn’t! That means I must love ya!

BOGUETTE: Oh, this is just paffetic. Get over it! (goes to close door)

BOGUE: One last fing! Just one last fing! Don’t close the door!

(BOGUE picks up sports bag, and pulls out a portable stereo. He presses the play button, and the dulcet tones of Sting’s Every Breath You Take emanate from the speakers.)

BOGUETTE: Oh .. oh wow … it’s our song!

BOGUE: (grinning) Yup, it’s our song. Just like on our wedding day!

BOGUETTE: (weeps) Oh … it’s so .. so romantic! Our special song!

BOGUE: You know I’d never do nuffint to hurt ya and stuff. I’m sorry, honey! See, I do love ya! I remembered our song!

BOGUETTE: This .. this song means so much to me …. it’s all about love and how we’ll never be apart and stuff …. yes! Yes! I will move back in with you!

(BOGUETTE rushes out the door and embraces BOGUE enthusiastically, weeping into his arms)

BOGUETTE: Oh, I was so wrong to ever doubt that you didn’t love me and crap. I’m so sorry … I’m ever so sorry … I never meant to hurt ya … Honest! Please forgive me …. boohoo … boohoo…

BOGUE: That’s all roit. I missed ya so much, honeybunch! By the way, you reckon you can drive me to work tomorrow morning, starting at 6am? It’s a long story, I’ll explain while we’re in the taxi on the way home …

THE END

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I love Fridays Urban. Thanks dude.

18 03 2011
urbanreverie

Thanks, Simon. 🙂 Sorry to disappoint your hopes of Bogue being on the receiving end of a bit of jailhouse man-on-man coitus 😛

Tomba will be disappointed too … but there might still be a chance of Boguette going haywire and painting the town red when Bogue finally fesses up! How will she react? Will Bogue even come clean? Stay tuned until next Friday … same bogue time! Same bogue channel!

19 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I sense a Vajazzling coming up.

18 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I bet she’ll spit chip, but there’s always a silver lining: I’m sure boguette will just lurve prowling ’round their outer suburb and getting to monster other motorists down the local megamall carpark…much easier to do in a Falcadore than the swift. She’ll feel like the Queen Baitch of the road.

Perhaps until the repo man comes, after their missed repayments…

18 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Oops: I meant “Swift”, as in Suzuki Swift.

18 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Quality as ever, UR.

One question – do we get to meet the Boguespawn soon? I’m personally looking forward to when Bogue and Boguette get called into the principal’s office at St Martindale’s Cross Of Christ School because Aiden punched out Maxx because he was like totally pashing Mattyilda when everyone knows she’s his.

19 03 2011
p'bee

i think you’ll find it’s spelt aydynn.

19 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I’m just going by UR’s spelling.

And one thing I find is that the extra y’s tend to be more common in she-bogue names than he-bogue. Y’s are less hard and that and the bogue wants his son to have a hard name.

22 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I’m sure I’ve seen an Aydynn. I’ve definitely seen Haydyn, Braydyn and Jadyn.

18 03 2011
Edward

Thanks, Urban Reverie. I’m just an occasional interjector on this blog, but I look forward to these.

22 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Love it!

19 03 2011
Davo

I fucking hate bogans. Why do they come to my local pub, they know they cant afford to get home in a cab, and the “sluts” that go there arn’t looking for cheap, stranded dipshits. So they hang around the front of the kebab shop, looking for drugged out bogan chicks or a taxi without a screen. Or both if it’s a lucky night. They pretend to be connected to the underworld because they drink in a pub that happens to be located near the site of some shootings years ago.
The more that come, the more i want start glassing. I could handle them fucking everything else up up, but not my local pub.

19 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Glass ’em, Davo. A good preemptive glassin’ is good for the soul.

20 03 2011
Davo

My ex-girlfriend left with a guy that beat up a disabled guy. I feel so sad that i went out with a girl that has such low standards. Surely the fact that he couldn’t speak whould be enough to convince the bogan that something was wrong, but no. He kicked him in the head while he was on the ground.
An alliance has been formed so the next time this weak shit shows up he’s fucked
The truely sad thing is, iv’e got a chick rubbing herself less than a meter away and i’m bitching about the bogan my ex is with.

22 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Your pub is suffering from a major bogan-infestation. Maybe it’s time to start your own.

22 03 2011
martin

Half the pubs in the world are just simply no go areas because they’re filled with bogan mongs. Well they are where I live.

22 03 2011
martin

You know it must be quite an effort to make a TBL thread. I’ll give them that. I’m sure they have to do some sort of real work and shit. But there’s still heaps of stuff that bogans like. Like this:

http://images.domain.com.au/img/201133/17618/2008861689_1_FS.JPG?mod=110316-141208

See what I’m talking about. I’m referring to those wanky pretentious words that people put in their houses in order to make it look like their piece of shit hovel is worth more than it is.

22 03 2011
p'bee

can’t say i’ve ever seen a beach that looked like that.

22 03 2011
Tombarina

Excellent point, Martin. But I will see your stupid ‘beach’ sign, and raise you:

http://www.domain.com.au/ore/Public/Gallery/Photo.aspx?adid=2008814122&pic=4&st=1

This, I $hit you not, is allegedly a “tropical Bali hut” in the real estate marketing.

I’m off now to glue-gun some cotton wool ‘snow’ to my Brisbane ski chalet…

23 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

…And I too shall evoke the lush tropics of Polynesia and fit a waterfall feature with water-hungry palms and ferns surrounding in my dry-arsed Perth (we’ve just had one of the driest and hottest summers on record) Tiki bar entertainment area.

Damn, I’m gonna need bore water, like every other mother’s son has here to irrigate their assorted useless verdancy to give their home “added vibrancy” for the real estate market and dry out the nearest wetland to achieve this…

23 03 2011
chris

Just make sure you stick up the little “Bore warter in use” sign, like so many feckineejuts do in also-dry-arsed Adelaide

23 03 2011
chris

*bore water*. Mea culpa. The cold and flu tablets are kicking in.

1 06 2012
Jheferson

**Please Note The Sunday Quotable is simply a quote from sooemne in Southern Baptist life. Some quotes may be considered by some readers to be controversial. Since the quote is brief, it may often-times be out of context. In all cases the citing of a quote on this blog does not imply that any of the contributors to sbc IMPACT! endorse or agree with the text of the quote, or stand in agreement in all issues with the one being quoted. It is merely cited, without commentary, to stimulate conversation and/or debate.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: