A New Initiative

25 02 2011

Hello, reader. You may have noticed that the constant stream of posts on this delightful hub of boganic discourse has dwindled to a trickle. The major cause of this has been that we’re busily in the midst of completing a second book, and that there are only so many Things that Bogans Like. Along with this is a new initiative that we, the authors are engaging in. We’re teaming up with the august collective of brilliant minds at the MacroBusiness blog to give a weekly wrap up of the economy and the business world through the eyes of the bogan. This will be our Friday post from now on, and we’ll endeavour to keep some content flowing on at least one other day of the week.

So please check out our first post: The Bogan is Doing it Tough.


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71 responses

25 02 2011
Tone

I am a Boganomics enthusiast, and believe this school of economic thought needs further coverage. With that in mind, I don’t think Boganomics will hit the mainstream until either Kochie or The Barefoot Investor come out and start subscribing to Boganomic theory.

25 02 2011
chris

Could be a problem as Kochie will be off chasing ambulances in Christchurch. I’m happy for Alan Kohler to pick up the baton.

25 02 2011
Mick

Alan likes graphs too.

25 02 2011
Mick

Nope, I want to change my vote.

Alan is on the ABC. The bogan won’t stand for that. My tip would be Paul Clitheroe. Already well known to the bogan because of his regular appearance on channel nein, he’s also very non-threatening when discussing stuff the bogan can never hope to understand.

Paul and barefoot Scott. Them’s the two for boganomics.

25 02 2011
Mick

Well, that’s embarrassing.

Next time I ask a question just delete it. Okay?

25 02 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
dont worry my wife does that all the time !

25 02 2011
Mick

I’ve tried to point more than a few workmates in the direction of macrobusiness, hoping they can learn something.

But the doing it tough thing, geez that annoys me. One fellow there, a guy who earns $200k+ a year, was complaining that he’ll never be able to pay off what he owes. I was appalled. Those Pilbara clowns may be top dogs now but in a couple of years I’m gonna have to give them charity so that they can afford a coffee.

I try. They won’t listen. I really don’t belong there 😦

25 02 2011
shakPower

ah you read my mind TBL. i was looking for place to learn about Boganomics seeing that i’m constantly surrounded by them and keep hearing things like ‘Doing it tough’ all the time. Great work.

25 02 2011
Coffeesnob

You guys are harsh. Those McMansions, plasma tvs, HSV Utes, jet ski, boat and weekly dosage of Jim Bean do not pay form themselves. Life is hard. Especially when the Bogue has to give so much to the Government to pay for whining Queenslanders and paying for all those lucky boat people who get flown all over the place (you know for all those sightseeing funerals) and staying in 5 star hotels (at Christmas Island).

25 02 2011
spewy

Harvey Norman reports a 17% fall in profits.

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/green-light-for-health-insurance-hike/story-e6frf7jo-1226011938557

The scum is awash with complaints about doing it tough, what with levies, carbon tax, health insurance etc.

Who would have thought Labour would spend and raise new taxes?!

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And I just want to say Powerfoxxee right here.

25 02 2011
martin

F$ck off. The bogan is OWED a first class lifestyle for a second, or third, or five hundred and 88th rate job.

27 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Coz they deserve “A fair go” on account of being born white, “rool” Aussies.

27 02 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
good to see you agree with such an obvious truth.
We could of course have left australia to its indigines to discover steel making invent the wheel and become a modern industrialised nation on their own ?
Unfortunately most all of “civilisations” growth and expansion into new territories has been by invasion and war.
That is the Humankind way, as a territorial , possive, hunter.
Some of us dont like this but we are what we are.
Doesnt mean that we cant ,as most people and nations do, behave differently. But it does give cause and fact for us not to feel shame for things long past. Things that were the norm for their time.

27 02 2011
brad

are all bogans white?

27 02 2011
James Hunter

Mostly, some are first and second generation immigrants and a few are indigines. Most native Australians are unfortunately way below Bogans but a large number are way above the normal bogan, very few have I observed in the bogan class.

25 02 2011
Mick

Tell the bogan that it’s health insurance is going up by 5-6% and there be outrage. Doin’ it tough. Tell it that the cost of housing has increased by the same and there is dancing in the streets. Livin’ the dream.

Yet, for the bogan, health insurance is a far better investment than a poorly built McMansion 78 km from the CBD. After a lifetime(38 years for the average bogue) of neglect and abuse, the bogan body needs much medical attention. This costs dollar. Dollar they won’t have when their hovel 78km from the CBD proves to be unsellable.

But no, tomorrow they’ll give up the MBF to keep the Delfin. And when they get sick later in life they can always rely on little JhaXXsyon and Byreehanna to pay the bills out of their centrelink payments. It might be six to a bed in ward 10H but hey, they still have the piece of paradise out at Forest Glades…formally known to locals as Butcher’s Swamp.

A piece of paradise that they can’t live in because there’s no hospitals built out that way. No medical facilities at all. Bloody Guvmint should do somethin’ about it. Bullshit they got no money left. Doin’ it tough out in the suburbs.

25 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

NEWS FLASH

Two and a Half Men production cancelled for the rest of the season.

http://thedailywh.at/2011/02/24/instant-karma-of-the-day/

Channel Nine share price index set to drop to below “Doing it Tough Threshold”

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And my joy ratio has just improved to 2002 Basket Press shiraz.

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Who can they replace Charlie with? Perhaps Nick Nolte or Tom Sizemore.

25 02 2011
Mick

Bring back Ryan O’Neal.

25 02 2011
chris

Oliver Reed

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Granted with the script they probably don’t need to be alive but it may help. They may need to punch the fat kid or something.

25 02 2011
chris

Even I’d watch that. 1/2 hour less ads worth of random strangers just whaling on the fat kid. Pure genius, Si.

25 02 2011
chris

Ollie would be so well preserved in alcohol he’d still be in better shape than Charlie. Prolly got more of his own teeth left as well.

25 02 2011
Mick

The old sketch comedy series Alas Smith and Jones did a great Ollie interview. Lots of bottles if I remember correctly.

I’ll go see if I can find it.

25 02 2011
Benny Hill

Tony Danza

25 02 2011
shakPower

OH NO! What singularly unfunny show will channel 9 (the home of laughter) show now?
OH wait reruns of course

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It can’t be Ben Elton coz he is gorn.

25 02 2011
Pandabater

Get Mathew Perry back on the gear & throw him in. It was the only reason to watch Friends, to see how smashed he was if he turned up at all.

27 02 2011
Danny

Why did no-one ever tell me there was a reason to watch “Friends”?

27 02 2011
James Hunter

You call that a reason ??

25 02 2011
Will S

This entry requires a modicum of knowledge about basic economics to enjoy 😦

I liked it better when they made fun of bogans for purchasing shiny things

25 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

A modicum is a very small amount…

25 02 2011
Pandabater

I’m with Will here, I’m used to only being occasionally confused by a word in TBL posts, not whole paragraphs. One thing though, I thought that the RBA met every 3 months to plan their bogan bashing not 1 month. 😉

25 02 2011
Mick

Nah, they meet on the first tuesday of the month, except for january.

It’s a full time effort to keep up to such demands.

25 02 2011
Pandabater

Thanks Mick, you’re right, not having any debt at all lowers my care factor by a considerable margin. 🙂

25 02 2011
the beef

I put it to you that should the economic climate arrive into positive “doing it tough” territory for the bogan, the trash media would only be able to provocate the bogan with:
– alarmist articles on the inevitability of future rate rises;
– the likelihood of a future contractionary budget;
– boat people being the root cause of all evil.
Which would only eliminate any chance for the bogan to enjoy its prosperity.
Poor old Mr & Missus Bogan!

25 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The trash media always wins. Either the bogan is doing it hard or about to do it hard.

25 02 2011
Davo

Followed up by a story on “cashed up bogans”. Just to balance it up so they keep buying shit.

25 02 2011
Mick

Nah, it’ll be a story on how cheap plasma tellies have become.

25 02 2011
Davo

The bogan can never have enough plasma screens. I know some that have them in their sheds, toilets even the walk in robe.

25 02 2011
Mick

Yes, the bogan considers missing 47 hilarious seconds of Charlie and the gang while it changes it’s pants as doing it tough.

Perhaps a walk-in robe levy will ease the hardship?

25 02 2011
Vviv2

Well, the new carbon tax should have them crying into their Jack Daniels for some time to come! ALL their pleasures will cost more now….. 😀

27 02 2011
brad

i think it will have everyone crying-kamakazi economics ):

25 02 2011
Pandabater

The funny thing is, Bogans have this love/hate relationship with debt. They would love to be able to use their “cashies” to pay for all of their toys but it isn’t enough so they can’t go 5 minutes without boasting/whinging about how much they owe on their toys.

25 02 2011
urbanreverie

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to attempt to rectify the recent shortfall in TBL posts with another episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

(THE SCENE: A small office at the council chambers in the district centre closest to BOGUE and BOGUETTE’s McMansion. The room is very plain with white walls, Venetian blinds and brownish-blueish carpet. The room is illuminated by fluorescent lamps laid within the false ceiling and some sunlight coming in through the blinds.

In the centre of the room is an oval-shaped pine veneer table. Seated behind the table are LORRAINE, PETER and AGATHA. All three are middle-aged and dressed respectably in standard no-nonsense public-sector attire. In front of the table is an empty chair.

A JUNIOR OFFICE WORKER opens the door and waves BOGUETTE through the door and then closes the door as she enters the room. BOGUETTE is chewing gum and is dressed in jeans, plastic sandals, a yellow tank top featuring a coral motif and the slogan “Port Douglas”, and far too much glitter eyeshadow with purpleish-blackish mascara.)

LORRAINE: (gestures at chair) Please, please do take a seat.

BOGUETTE: (chews loudly) No worries! (sits down) How’s it goin’?

PETER: Umm … quite well, thanks. I’m Peter, I’m the head of human resources at Council, and this is my assistant Lorraine, and over here is the manager of the branch library where you’ve applied for the position of library assistant, Agatha. (extends hand across desk)

BOGUETTE: G’day! (shakes hands with each of them)

LORRAINE: And thank you for your application for the library assistant position, it’s much appreciated. Now, we’d like to discuss your application further and ask a few questions about you. So Agatha, would you like to get the ball rolling?

AGATHA: Yes, indeed. Now, on your application form, and the letter you sent addressing the advertised selection criteria … (flicks through papers) … Yes. In the point number three of the criteria, where you were asked to demonstrate familiarity with and knowledge of contemporary and classical literature. You stated that you enjoyed reading Who magazine and New Weekly. Is that correct?

BOGUETTE: Yeah, I love them mags. Me and me girlfriends always read through old copies while waiting to get our manicures done at ProfessioNail!

PETER: (scribbling on notepad) Hmmm … yes. Now, can you give us examples of … perhaps, other literature that you enjoy and are familiar with?

BOGUETTE: Ummm … yeah, I’ll read Marie Claire instead whenever I take me kids to the doctor’s. That’s only because me doctor’s missus never buys Who or NW.

AGATHA: (looks at other interviewers) Hmmm. OK. Well, let me put this another way. Have you ever enjoyed the works in Shakespeare, whether as a text or upon the stage?

BOGUETTE: (brows wrinkle) Shakespeare? Is that sumfint to do wiv what just happened in Christchurch?

AGATHA: OK. Perhaps anything more recent. Perhaps some contemporary Australian authors like Tim Winton or David Malouf?

BOGUETTE: David Malouf? Isn’t that one of them wog guys from Acropolis Now?

LORRAINE: Hmm …. OK, we’ll address one of the other selection criteria now. Let’s see … how about criteria number five, where you were asked to demonstrate – and I quote – “demonstrable and practical skills in communicating with children and adolescents”. You replied – and I quote – “I know how to handle kids. I have four of them, and whenever they act up in the supermarket, I give them a clip around the ear and scream at them and they behave quick smart. If I don’t, I just double their dose of Ritalin when we get home and that calms them down.”

BOGUETTE: Yeah, too right! Them bloody kids drive me crazy and stuff. Nuffint like a clip around the ear or a smack on the backside to get them back into line. It ain’t my fault or their fault they act that way though. I mean, they all caught ADHD and crap.

LORRAINE: (ever so briefly rolls eyes up to the ceiling) Uh-huh. Now, as you might be aware, Council’s library service often hosts activities for children and adolescents throughout the year. For instance, groups of primary school pupils will go on excursions during school term, and during school holidays each branch library will run literacy workshops and diversionary activities for adolescents, particularly adolescents from at-risk groups. Can you think of more … how can I put this … appropriate ways to deal with young people?

BOGUETTE: Yeah. I suppose I could give them Diazepam rather than Ritalin whenever they act up!

PETER: (furiously scribbling on notepad) OK. Now, we’d like to get to know a bit more about you. Tell me, in your own words, about a time when you’ve faced adversity in your life and how you’ve overcome it.

BOGUETTE: Umm … er … yeah, I know! Yeah, there was this time a coupla years back, and me hubby kept buggin’ me to get his name tattooed on the back of me neck. And I didn’t want to and stuff, because I was scared it would be painful and that I wouldn’t be able to delete it later an’ shit. Anyways, he tells me that if I really truly loved him I’d get the tattoo no matter what. So I go down to the tattoo parlour, I was scared out of my wits, I’m tellin’ ya! Anyway I imagined me hubby standin’ there tellin’ me to stop being such a big crybaby and that if I didn’t get the tatt that would mean I wouldn’t love him any more. So the tattoo hurt, but thinking about that, that’s what got me through that adversity and .. umm .. yeah. hahaha. Yeah.

(all three interviewers are looking at each other, jaws slackened, speechless)

PETER: So … any more questions, Lorraine? Agatha?

AGATHA: Yes. I have just one. Now, assuming you are successful in this position – your main duty to begin with will be to ensure that library material is placed back on the shelf in the correct order. Now, are you familiar with the Dewey decimal system?

BOGUETTE: Is that sumfint to do with Donald Duck’s nephews?

AGATHA: Umm, no. It isn’t. And … any more questions? Peter? Lorraine?

PETER: Umm no. That’s quite OK. I think we have enough to go on. Now, I must admit that Council is looking for an applicant who is more … ummm …

LORRAINE: Experienced in information services?

PETER: Yes, that … and a little more ….

AGATHA: Literary?

PETER: Yes, that too. But we have a few other applicants as well to interview. So … well we can’t give a definitive answer yet. But we would prefer someone a little more interested in Australia’s literary culture and someone with experience in a library. In any case, we’ll give you an official answer within the next fortnight or so.

BOGUETTE: (still chewing) No worries! Cheers! Great meeting youse all! (shakes interviewers’ hands again and leaves room)

(BOGUETTE walks out of the office and signs herself out at the front desk and walks out the front where BOGUE is waiting in his electric blue Ford Falcon XR6, which she gets into)

BOGUE: Howdjya go, honeybunch?

BOGUETTE: Terrible. Oh, just terrible. They want someone real sophistimacated an’ that. And with experience in libraries too and stuff.

BOGUE: Yeah, it’s always the way, isn’t it! I betcha, they give that job to some curry who landed here yesterday who can’t even speak English proper, or some hairy-legged schizo lezzo or sumfint. We ordinary Aussies are always discriminated against!

BOGUETTE: Yeah, tell me about it! By the way, have you ever heard of Shakespeare, darlin’?

BOGUE: Shakespeare? Is that sumfint to do with African tribes or crap? (car pulls out of car park and onto road where it drives off into the distance)

THE END

25 02 2011
Mick

The only Shakespeare they know.

26 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I was just having a quick refresher about William Shakespeare (a.k.a. John Cave), knowing that if he were to apply for that library job, he might’ve had a hard time, given that he had a conviction for carnal knowledge with a fifteen year old girl back in 1975.

But I only just found out he died in October last year, more-or-less destitute, but with secure accommodation and in a better state than he was a decade ago, when he was homeless and alcoholic. He also had a spell at the notorious Chelmsford Private Hospital, a psychiatric facility that practiced deep sleep therapy, which often did more harm than good to the patients.

He was only 61, but the recent photos of him were a portrait of a man whose spirit was long broken.

When one wishes for fame, be careful what you wish for…his life was something akin to a cautionary tale as penned by his namesake.

26 02 2011
Edward

And yet, it must be remembered that when Vanda and Young were looking around for a front man for a band to perform the material they had been writing after the Easybeats finished up, William Shakespear made the short list (along with John Paul Young and the ultimately successful Bon Scott).

26 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

It was actually the Young brothers Malcolm and Angus who were auditioning those guys for the gig of lead singer of AC/DC.

Their older brother George, along with his collaborator Harry Vanda, didn’t write for AC/DC, though they did produce their early albums up to Powerage. Nevertheless, all those songs stockpiled from their years in London post-Easybeats of the early 70s did provide a heck of a lot of hits for a multitude of local singers, including of JPY and William Shakespeare.

Between 1973 and 1980, Albert Productions—with Vanda and Young in the producer’s chair, as well as sometimes composers—released an assembly line of hits, from teeny pop to hard-blues rock, as well as those of their own studio project, Flash And The Pan. This was about the only time Australia had anything resembling a hit factory like America’s Motown or Britain’s Chinn-Chapman and Mickie Most.

27 02 2011
Edward

Thanks for the correction. I was going on recollection of an A.B.C. documentary series “A Long Way to the Top”; of some years ago now. I didn’t allow for the unreliability of pop and rock stars recollections, motives or method of story-telling (Harry Vandas in this case)

I did look up the wikipedia article for John Cave/William Shakespear (a similar caution regarding authenticity applies) and the same version appears there. Sorry. I was rather tickled by the idea of J.P.Y. out front of AC/DC at the time. Damn musicians, they’ll say anything.

28 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I think that the information I’ve regaled about AC/DC’s considerations for a vocalist to replace Dave Evans is in fact sourced from that marvellous ABC doco on Australian Pop & Rock, Long Way To The Top.

Seems plausible to me, given that Squeak was a Scotsman like the Youngs were and Bon Scott was (I’m unsure if William Shakespeare was born in Scotland either).

26 02 2011
Kate

Love it!!!

26 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Brilliant as always Urban. Thanks!

26 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The Boguette may also know this steaming pile.

26 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

This one may just be the best yet. I can find no flaws.

27 02 2011
Tombarina

…and yet again, Urb, I’m reminded of why I love you so.

Champagne stuff. I shan’t call it comedy, however, on the basis of my fear that it’s a little too anthropologically close to the bone.

27 02 2011
chris

Awesomeness, urb. The Librarians meets Fat Pizza. Paulie Fenech should call and make use of your talent.

2 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I like the script. Keep em coming!

26 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Let me share my bogan tale of the weekend.

Best Mate and Godson’s X Chromosome are preparing for their wedding, despite my best efforts to ensure it doesn’t go ahead (I told them straight up that if it was in a church I wouldn’t show up and I would only be best man if I got to sleep with every and as many of the female guests/bridesmaids as I possibly could). Either way, I wound up watching their spawn this morning. He was sleeping, so I took the time to watch my DVD of the 2008 NBA Finals.

Halfway through Game 4, Godson’s X Chromosome and her mates show up without my knowledge. I’m right now yelling obscenities at the screen as Lamar Odom is grabbing rebounds left right and centre, but as soon as they all show up they recognise him as “the guy who’s married to Khloe Kardashian.” At this point, we get a courtside shot of Staples Center featuring various A and B list celebrities. Naturally, there went any hope I had of watching one of my favourite series ever in peace.

I swear to God, bogans can sense celebrity presence. They had to show up during the one game where Mr Kardashian played well, didn’t they.

27 02 2011
Tombarina

It’s harsh to mock the bogan for “doin’ it tough”.

Just look at ever-rising utility prices (no, not the Maloo – the other ones).

A bogan bitched to me the other day about how their power bill just kept going up’n’up’n’up – more than double the same time last year.

I speculated that perhaps some of the bill hike could be as a result of additional usage, rather than simply increased prices? The bogan informed me that he worked “@(&^in’ hard” and no one was going to tell him not to run an entire McMansion’s worth of ACs when he got home, plus a couple of plasmas, the pool pump, the double-door beer fridge, the Wii, X-Box and other sundry items. He’d earned this privilege – and the gummint should subsidise him because he was “a Worker” (deliberate use of capital W, there).

Had he considered installing a solar array which attracts substantial gummint rebates, offsets consumption, feeds back into the grid and can actually help pay for itself? Shit No! That’s all greenie propaganda. The gummint should PAY him to install one, then pay rent for his roof. Cos he’s a Worker.

Then came usual rant about how Family Payments, baby bonus, subsidised health insurance, etc weren’t enough, and Other People Should Pay More and reffos and abos get everyfink. But never mind – he’s off to Bali with the gummint’s flood payment money. No, he wasn’t flooded – he lost power for two days, thus (factoring in the brood) is entitled to $3200.

I despise these people with a white-hot, pointy hatey thingie.

27 02 2011
chris

What a wretched pair of douchebags. May they be attacked by rabid Balinese dogs and may exotic, maxxtreme-sized parasites violate every orifice in their horrid bodies.

27 02 2011
Rob

Hey urbanreverie, can you do a piece on Bogans In Bali? Staged through there yesterday coming back from somewhere else, and observed 300 of them gathered in front of the Ramayana Sports Bar maxtreme plasma screen, watching AFL.
I wanted to go inside and scream at them WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN BOTHER COMING HERE……but was afraid of a IDR1,490 glassing

27 02 2011
Will S

He’ll be thrilled about the carbon tax…

28 02 2011
Vviv2

You don’t think the gummint will subsidise him? 😮

28 02 2011
Pandabater

Depends on who he votes for. 😦

1 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I like it, TBL! Boganomics has long been one of my areas of interest, especially since some visits to a third world country where they really are doing it tough- it’s funny, they see my white skin, ask me where I’m from, and when I tell them, Australia, they say, “Wow, such a good country, and your government really cares for the people”. Now the bogan would disagree because the baby bonus isn’t high enough to put a second xtreme tv in the formal lounge room. Heck, the rest of the world can hardly feed their kids!!

A friend of mine in Myanmar told me about how a local woman she knows has to work 12 hour days 6 days a week to feed her kids, and one of her kids has a disability on top of it. So one day the woman is sick and can’t go to work to earn the 50 cents to feed her kids that day…and then some random benefactor came to her door and gave her 50 cents. THAT is doing it tough. She was lucky to get 50 cents that day.

Ok, that’s my anti-bogan rant for today…

1 03 2011
Vviv2

I think most of us are guilty of that Goldcoaster….We remain the ‘lucky country’.

16 03 2011
BoganBusterMoss

Things Bogans Like? Selling out and joining the mainstream. That is why Bogans love this site so much, you guys have sold out, made your books (which are reprints of what this site has for free) and become a laughing stock. Keep following Charlie Sheen on twitter.

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