#214 – Complaining about Facebook

18 02 2011

To suggest that Facebook is important to the bogan is akin to suggesting that it has only a touch of Chlamydia. Facebook has rapidly become the Alpha and Omega of the bogan’s universe. It is the first thing a bogan engages with in the morning, and the last thing it gazes upon before it lays its head to rest. Within Facebook’s innocent-seeming blue layout and unassuming fonts lies a panopticon of bogan self-satisfaction, passive aggression, shattered relationships, blurry photos and shame. There is little grammar or syntax.

The bogan’s dependence on Facebook has grown so great in the brief few years that it has been aware of the site’s existence, that it now views it as a publicly available, publicly funded service, much like electricity or water provision. Without any serious consideration, and purely on the basis of its now entrenched reliance on the site’s validation portals, the bogan now knows it has as much of a right to Facebook as it does to freedom of speech and its fifth amendment rights.

The bogan does not like change. Facebook, however, like any growing company, is obliged to continually adapt its service offering to ensure its widening market is properly catered to. One of the consequences of this is that Facebook will periodically tweak the presentation of the site, subtly altering the ways its users interact with it and each other; a decision most likely based on the near infinite amount of data the company collects on user habits. Ergo, it stands to reason that any change to Facebook’s layout comes in an effort to enhance the bogan’s user experience.

That the changes are for the bogan’s ultimate benefit matters not to the bogan, for the bogan was comfortably ensconced in the nourishing cocoon that was Facebook’s old layout, seeing no need to go changing what is already a perfectly excellent site. Upon logging in to Facebook recently, the bogan discovered that Facebook’s photos feature had been changed. It spent several seconds staring blankly at the now-unfamiliar method of viewing photographs, before reacting like a toddler that woke to find itself on a distant planet. It cried. All over the book of faces, it cried. On its status, it cried. On the comments section of its assortment of duckfaced photos, it cried. It cried by joining a group of other bogans who were also crying about these changes.

It will furiously make a comment on the wall of that bogan-rage-collective, effectively re-working the group’s thesis statement, sans correct grammar and with at least one superfluous apostrophe, then proceed to familiarise itself with the new layout so it can efficiently upload photos of the previous night’s clubbing and post passive aggressive status updates about whichever friend it got into a fight with that night. Fifteen minutes later, the bogan forgets that the layout has changed.


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171 responses

18 02 2011
billiboy

What’s Facebook?

18 02 2011
Sybil Ince

Facebook, Twitter etc – it’s all shit for morons

Blogs, however, are excellent. TBL

20 02 2011
Linda

Blogs are awesome.

22 09 2011
Lachie

whats more bogan, complaining about facebook or watching so much US television that you don’t realise there is no fifth amendment in Australia

18 02 2011
Tone

Nice to see that TBL has been paying attention. We thought you’d abandoned the FB ship. Kudos to the TBL team for being professional enough not to sink the boot into its FB fans; most of which (at least the new ones) being dead set wastes of bytes. And don’t even get me started on the trolls and sock puppets …

Yeah, Twitter has been a more interesting venue recently, but it surely can’t be long until it too is overrun. TBL

18 02 2011
Jewel

Hi Tony.

18 02 2011
Tone

😛

@TBL: Yes, Twitter attracts a higher class of troll. They only have 140 characters to play with, so it involves considerably more wit and brevity to succeed. Or they just go and play those hashtag games instead.

18 02 2011
the beef

Twitter doesn’t elicit wit… trash-mags have been busy quoting Brian McFadden, Warnie and Liz Hurley among others recently (your “higher class” of troll). Twitter simply allows faster identification of the bogan, as you can’t hide in 140 characters. The great unwashed are well and truly on board already!

18 02 2011
Tone

You’re following the wrong Tweeters, Twits, Twats or however one chooses to address the population of the Twittersphere. 😛

18 02 2011
Shirley

I really don’t see Twitter being overrun by bogans. Sure, there’s some there already, stalking celebrities, but they don’t have the dedication, wit or attention span to make any real impact. There’s no groups to join, uploading the entire content of your SD card is not the done thing, and every Monday night everybody yacks away about QandA. I predict Tumblr, currently the domain of the hipster, will be conquered by the bogan in the not too distant future.

18 02 2011
Lola

Seriously? I’ve always found Q&A intensely bogan, particularly since those inane twitter comments come up on the screen. Soooo pretentious.

19 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I loathe those Twitter comments. They make me read them. And demonstrate a very bogan audience. Although I don’t think they show is bogan per se.

19 02 2011
AlyssaKT

the*

19 02 2011
martin

It’s a libtard show. There’s always a bunch of young, pissed off, self righteous libtards in the audience.

The twitter comments are extremely bogan. Idiots stating the obvious, lame attempts at humour, or some ignorant comment.

I wish they’d get rid of them. I always read them as well, it’s just an automatic reaction.

19 02 2011
AlyssaKT

who at Q&A has the job of selecting which comments to show? They are doing a dreadful job.

22 02 2011
Tone

Looks like we spoke too soon, Shirl…

http://twitter.com/#h2oaquarium

22 02 2011
Rebecca

NOOOOOOOOO!! I hope not. Although, there’s some funny tumblrs that parody the bogan. http://theagevsheraldsun.tumblr.com/ being one example.

18 02 2011
"cm"

@Tone,why the pedastool approach?
Im thinking they didnt see that angle,or did and ironically did it anyways.

18 02 2011
Tone

Aaron, is that you?

18 02 2011
Will S

lol, look at the facebook comments in response to the new blog post… just look at them.

18 02 2011
Shirley

It’s all so very, very boring.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The Facebook people give me the creepin jebus.

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

“sans correct grammar and with at least one superfluous apostrophe”

YES

or maybe ye’s? ha

18 02 2011
clipper

Your write there gramma’s’ and spelling’s owrful

18 02 2011
18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

ha, yes, I’m in that group…

18 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

“Fifteen minutes later, the bogan forgets that the layout has changed.”

Mind like a goldfish…you could arguably say their life is like a goldfish bowl too…

18 02 2011
Jemima

But you have to admit the new photo layout is crap…

18 02 2011
shakPower

Facebook is definitely bogan-land. I want to join just so i can make groups like ‘I dont care what you did yesterday’ and ‘Dont care if your dog has to go to the vet’ and ‘Nobody wants to see close up photos of your weird rashes’
I will never understand the very use of facebook, opening up your live to strangers you’v never meet.

Might have to correct TBL on the ‘Fifteen minutes later, the bogan forgets that the layout has changed.’ point, i still hear bogans talking loudly about groups on facebook like ‘Bring back the old layout’ or something like that…

They can’t really remember what the old layout actually was. They just remember that they didn’t like change, and this allows a good whinge. TBL

18 02 2011
Tone

I’ll just leave this here as well:

18 02 2011
"cm"

The old question?,When did you get so smart,
A:When you logged onto facebook of course!!!

18 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Forgive me TBL if I’m looking into this a bit too deeply, but I think today’s post has a self-referential subliminal message for us loyal readers.

Since your last few posts of the last week or two have been somewhat erratic in both timing and content, it may have ruffled a few feathers of the regular followers of the blog (not that they would openly comment on that too much for fear of bogan labelling). I take the second paragraph, first sentence:

“The bogan’s (TBL reader’s) dependence on Facebook (TBL) has grown so great in the brief few years that it has been aware of the site’s existence, that it now views it as a publicly available, publicly funded service, much like electricity or water provision.”

You could easily substitue “bogan” for “TBL reader” in this article, though the levels of rage in response to the recent posting nature of the authors are hardly comparable to the “lets make a facebook page to vent our rage against facebook”.

Do I make a strong case TBL/readers? I was expecting a Friday poll and got another thing the bogan likes. To be honest, I feel let down…maybe there truly is a bogan in all of us? Is that what you’re REALLY saying TBL?

You read us like a book! TBL the book, only $24.95 at a soon-to-be-closed bookstore near you! TBL

18 02 2011
Tone

I believe there may be a subliminal message. Not just for the blog followers, but for the old school TBL Facebook fans, many of whom have either abandoned the page or just refuse to post on there anymore. It could have been very easy for TBL to take a direct swipe at those at the core of the FB page’s current issues, but they didn’t.

Then again, maybe it just is what it is and we’re both buying our stash from the same dealer.

18 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The difference is that, like drugs (or anything else addictive), some of us can simply take it and leave it…y’know, time-and-place, that kind of stuff.

Then there’s the rest of us who once they get the first taste, have to keep chasing the high…maybe I might be generalising, but the number of bogans as ratio of the FB-addicted maybe disproportionately higher than the rest of the community. Or more likely, there are, like substances or behaviours, prevalence that transcends mere arbitrary socio-economic labelling and infects all levels of society and that it’s only those of means or talent that remain functional and able to hide their habit.

18 02 2011
ForwardSlash

Hey TBL why can’t I find the book in Ballarat? 😉

We were told the other day that the print run is more or less sold out now – some stores will still have a few copies, but I don’t think there’s a spare crate of them in a warehouse anywhere. The Readings website seems to be a good method: http://www.readings.com.au/product/9780733626692/jayfox-demilo-mcsween-hubbard-johnson-mckenzie-smythe-things-bogans-like. TBL

18 02 2011
Blueballs

Maybe because it’s a shithole and 99% of the population can’t read might have something to do with it….

18 02 2011
Lucky Star

Not quite Blueballs. Having grown up 1 hours drive from Ballarat, I can tell you it’s more because Ballarat is God’s waiting room, having a very large elderly population, with a high population in the medical profession and lot’s of churches to cater to the old dears. So it’s more a case that the Ballarat population in general just wouldn’t be interested in the TBL book because it doesn’t have Bert Newton or Dennis Walter on the cover.

21 02 2011
nauseated

I bought my book from Ballarat…via ebay…

18 02 2011
FowardSlash

One of the downfalls of the interweb in the past 6 years is the freedom is has giving the bogan to think it’s opinions are valid and relevant. I remember the good old days pre facebook and myspace when the bogan didn’t even know how to turn on a computer let alone use the interweb. Life was bliss. Oh how I long for those days to return!

18 02 2011
Shirley

As far as the bogan is concerned, Facebook IS the internet. Let them have their playground. The biggest downfall of the internet is that every self-important twat feels the need to have their own (boring and insipid) blog. I would like to see a separate internet created for these people, so that they’ll stay off my f*cking lawn.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

You should tell them to f#ck of because we are full Shirley! 🙂

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

maybe even “F#ck off….”

18 02 2011
Shirley

I do! THEY DON’T LISTEN. It’s because they are too stupid, I suppose.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

That’s likely it. Willfully stupid and deliberately trying to antagonise you with their irritating ignance. You are a saint for not lashing out more often Shirl.

18 02 2011
Shirley

Shirley Mullet: Patron Saint of Tolerance. That’s me.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I will be your first witnessed miracle – “ITs a miracuL thAT she d’iDnt bEAt Me wiFF a bAg oFF orRanGes as I ANnnoYeD THE LIVING F#CK OUT OF HER WITH MY CAPITIL LETTAS AND HooD SPELUNG n’ gramma

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

haha at “ignance”
Urban Dictionary “the ignorant way of pronouncing the word ignorance.”
Beautiful

18 02 2011
martin

I know of only one forum that isn’t infested with bogans, nogans and libtards.

But I got banned from it for being a bogan. But that was mainly because I was abusing bogans. Fighting fire with fire.

18 02 2011
caracal1788

I felt that I should hit the ‘Share this on Facebook’ button. Only seemed fair 😉

There’s also a subset of bogans, that not content with simply ignoring something they don’t want, have to ear-bash everyone regularly about how they don’t *need* Facebook and why they are totally right in their view because:

a. “Oh, I prefer real people interactions to online friends, it’s more… real… you know?” (the two are mutually exclusive)
b. “I already have SOOOO many friends, I just can’t keep up with all the invitations and people clamoring for my company as it is. Did I mention I have a ton of friends? Who invite me places all the time?”
c. “No, I’ve never actually looked at it, but why would I when I just know that as soon as I join, my bank account details will be available on the ‘net and pictures of my children are emailed direct to Paedophiles Anonymous?”

Yeah, good. Now don’t you have a pub to go to with some friends?

18 02 2011
William S

I am constantly horrified by the frequent misuse of ‘then’ and ‘than’ on social networking sites. “aww nah (insert bogan interest) is heaps betta ‘then’ (insert bogan interest). Surely it isn’t hard to learn the proper meanings of such simple words.

18 02 2011
clipper

William S – not only than and then – my bugbears are their/there/they’re and your and you’re, and of course countless others – it seems almost half the posters get it wrong time and time again.

18 02 2011
William S

There are indeed many, many more. What annoys me most about then/than is that I don’t understand how one is mistaken for the other. With the other examples mentioned one can see how the mistake, however simple, was made. Generally due to a lack of punctuation or similarity in pronunciation, the same cannot be said for two words which are different in meaning, spelling, pronunciation and don’t even have any punctuation for omission.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ar youse effluent people having a go?

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

My favorourite past time is guessing how long the “That’s it, I’m leaving facebook” people actually last. A friend and I have bets on one particular woman. She has given up facebook twice this year already and we are pinpointing down to the hour how long she will last. She managed 15 hours earlier this week and now she’s back with a vengeance, making up for every lost second. I am totally addicted to watching facebook – it’s like ACA and TT but on all day.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

This status update proves my point about the ACA / TT aspect

“u know when u shop too much when the check out chic says u had another 1 is that no 4 now gonna try for another girl?”

No it means stop breeding, not stop shopping……….

18 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Avoiding Farcebook is a fine way to minimise your chances of happening upon someone you’d rather not have known and then having them trying to be all familiar upon you all over again…

20 02 2011
Vviv2

Except it requires thought to shop….
· Like ·
Tanisha Jade likes this.
LOL

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I enjoy that too! Bye! See you tomorrow! haha

18 02 2011
Emma

The bogan forgets it has changed only when it changes again and they decide “the old layout was better”.

18 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I very rarely use Faceache, Forcebook, Book of Faeces…whatever you may call it…and just use it maybe as an online postcard whenever I’m on holidays, catch up with overseas relatives occasionally and that’s about it.

The attraction of catching up with once-lost acquaintances has long ago lost its novelty value; there’s usually a sound reason why that person and yourself parted ways. For instance, there was a woman I knew since high school I was rather keen on for a time when I reconnected with her about 12 years ago: she found me on Farcebook and after checking in (married with three rugrats), she invited me to become a fan of her and her husband’s real estate agency firm. No disrespect to them, but I am not under any circumstance going to pledge my allegiance to a branch of an industry where being a soulless spiv is a non-negotiable prerequisite. No wonder I didn’t get anywhere with her, heheh and thank goodness…I too might have literally bought into the franchise and made a Mephistophelean deal. I’m also thankful that I don’t succumb to temptation and trawl Fakebook for any of my exes; I don’t like it when old girlfriends harass me, so I do not do the same…again, one perceptive enough would remember that it’d be likely some of the foibles that drove you apart will likely resurface should you attempt to rekindle long-cold embers. For mine, when I part, I do it for good; only in the rarest of instances could some semblance of a respectful friendship that doesn’t venture into past intimacies by picking old scabs work.

And that’s the other thing that makes me want to commit Seppoku (online suicide by removing one’s profile): all those invites to join various groups and other virtual communities. C’mon, I have a hard enough time trying to keep in touch with reality with real communities with real people, ingratiating myself with virtual communities towards living a virtual life would just further send my depression into a lethal tailspin; it’d make one’s sense of depersonalisation complete, even if they were a kingpin or a hornbag in their Second Life, their First Life is so fücked-up, no better than a junkie or a compulsive gambler, insomuch as they still have to deal with themselves, particularly when the power goes down or the supply (or cash) run out or when the numbers continue not to fall their way.

Ha, another tangental rant, but in essence, there are some good things about Facebook, yet akin to other addictive activities or substances, caution must be exercised and perhaps, for some, it’s best to completely abstain, for even a small amount for the addicted will never be enough and start the whole sad process of compulsion again.

18 02 2011
the beef

i take back my previous comment re brevity BO’T. Well put, Sir.

18 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Please dispense with the “sir”, for one, I’m a republican, and secondly, only call me sir if I had a rifle and I don’t like guns! 🙂

18 02 2011
the beef

no worries cobber

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

a rifle is not a gun.
we’ll let it go this time.

19 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Semantics aside, both are firearms and I’m not particularly partial to firearms of any stripe.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who likes to indulge in a spot of pedantry 🙂

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

Imagine if they removed the ‘Like’ button – there would be a Egyption style revolution down at Norflands shopping centre.

18 02 2011
Cookie Monster

The Cookie Monster has a strict rule about Facebook that can be summed up simply.

Never.

18 02 2011
Guntal Queepage

me too.

18 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

and me

18 02 2011
Germane Riposte

‘nor I

18 02 2011
big mad boat man

never.

18 02 2011
big_fat_floppie_SemenBelch

nope.

18 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

I do not like facebook either

18 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

not me

18 02 2011
jane hancock

we didn’t even havefacebook in my day, and it didn’t do me any harm.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart BBo

that’s about all of them.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I agree Cookie.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

GR8 DAY 4 a Ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, tricky coming down Greenhill Rd though. Gets pretty slippery and foggy.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I was outraged when bogan’s started to learn about privacy settings. It makes bogan watching increasingly trickier.

18 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

No doubt made aware by some fear mongering ACA/TT exclusive report on Facebook privacy settings…

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I must be careful what i wish for.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

where the hell have you been?!

19 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

Hard at work. I got a kalzillion things to do at work before i go on my New York / Las Vegas holiday in 5 weeks – looks like I might have to set up a whole new feckin allied health medical clinic before i go….. And I still have to organise helicopter rides across the grand canyon and make a booking with a tattooist in Vegas. I’m going to arrive in Vegas and simply collapse into the first seat at the nearest titty show that i can get into.

21 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

stereotype.
😉

21 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

21 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

🙂 brilliant

18 02 2011
Tombarina

Do bogans actually the privacy settings?

I thought their entire reason for BEING on ‘The Facebook’ was so the known universe could see precisely how hot, cut, awesome, popular, witty and maXXXtreme they were.

Also, as one femmebogue confided to me at the top of her honking voice, “ya nevah know when a modelling agency will spot yah kidz on ya FB page”. Naturally. Yes. THAT’S gonna happen. Oh look – an airborne piglet….

19 02 2011
Tone

Oh, there are still plenty of opportunities for those to indulge in a little bogan voyeurism on FB. Marc Zuckerberg has an army of developers with too much time on their hands; some of which appear to have been deployed on a mission to make FB privacy settings as incomprehensible as possible.

The Great Unwashed can barely operate them, but for those of us with a Graduate Certificate in Facebook Privacy Settings or equivalent, it’s easier than ever to remain quite stealthy on FB. Assuming, of course, you don’t get sucked into posting on any FB groups or pages. Then you’re putting yourself out there just a tad.

20 02 2011
Vviv2

HOW to resist leaving your own comments on their page??
It’s a little like shooting fish in a barrel, ( sorry Turnips, figuratively speaking ). Not sporting, but SOOOOOO much fun! Of course you make certain your own privacy settings are such that you cannot be traced….. 😛

18 02 2011
Kris

There is a particular reason I am against the changes (as a professional interaction designer). It is irrational – there was no demand for it, no expectation, nor any continuous change of it during the years that Facebook had been operating. It is simply not necessary, and the Lightbox-esque gallery is gimicky and irritating.

18 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Ahh, but the newer flock of bogues—who’ve no memory of the past layout—will be seduced and still marvel at their ability to post pictures of trivialities that no one need care or know about.

That’s most likely a marketing-driven exercise…those hacks will pursue their frivolous agendas, even without any public demand, just to make their presence felt.

Come to think of it, most marketing gurus are probably NaBs of the spivviest stripe.

18 02 2011
ForwardSlash

I like lightbox and use it these days a lot when building sites. But the way FB has integrated it into their site is pretty terrible. And how long has LB been around and only now FB has decided to use it!

And FB developers need to be seen doing work, that’s the downside of having such a big core team like they do at FB. It’s not like the development team at FB are working on any other sites or creating new web apps like say Google.

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I’d like more attention given to the spam on Facebook – those things people click on that automatically change their status and post the link on all of their friends’ walls.
Most are too stupid to report and remove the link – and so it continues.

18 02 2011
caracal1788

Other thing about the new gallery format is that the ability to easily save a copy of a photo with a right click is no longer there. I thought that might be deliberate on FB’s behalf but I’ve not seen any commentary about it.

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Oh, isn’t it? I think that is a great thing! I don’t allow any photos of myself on my Facebook that I wouldn’t want the world to see, but many people do. And despite their privacy settings offering some protection, there’s* nothing stopping people stealing your photos with a right click…

*There WAS nothing

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I think you can right click from the album screen thumb print , but not the full size photo – at least you can set a desktop background that way.

18 02 2011
Emma

You can still save photos. When you see a link to their album you “open link in new tab” and the old way to view photos is still there.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

waaaaa

18 02 2011
DoctorG

This is a specific example of the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude. Don’t ever look to make changes or improvements to anything because that is the way we have always done it and I don’t want to learn anything new.

Back to Dark Ages with the lot of them.

18 02 2011
clipper

The more excited the bogan is, the more exclamation marks it will use when posting their latest endeavours on Facebook – and then to make it even more obvious, they use CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18 02 2011
Jewel

I think the not so subliminal message is “we are winding this thing down”.

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

How dare they? I, for one, will complain.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m Outraged.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey V’v, do you watch Farmer wants a wife?

18 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I watched the first season, but not since. Too much for this homo.

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I did not think your tolerence for crapola would extend that far!

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

my tolerance entends that far and beyond!
I even love The Bachelor! :/

Have you got a funny observation to share about Farmer, Simon?

18 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ummm it’s poo. No never seen it just saw tha ad yesterday an I wondered what V’v thought as he loves wedding shows.

19 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

I liked one wedding show! And i’ve never met a farmer I like.

19 02 2011
AlyssaKT

it’s not really a wedding show – it’s more a desperate hetero/breeder show. Not V’v’s cup-o-tea 🙂

18 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

The Bachelor is awesome. However, Jersey Shore (aka #189) is the ultimate in genius trash TV.

19 02 2011
AlyssaKT

isn’t it?! Reminds me of Big Brother Uncut. They’re all such absolute dickheads. I love it.

18 02 2011
GoldCoaster

“…with at least one superfluous apostrophe…” LOL that’s one of my pet hates!

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

that was my favourite part too!

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I wasn’t gonna bother…
but fuck it.
and I was gonna start with “Fuck Facebook” but fuck that too.
I’m pretty much indifferent. ditto previous commenters: “let ’em have it.”
note TBL first identified it’s facebook site as riddled with lametards back in January of 2010.
I facebooked briefly at the end of 2009. Initially it was cool. I found a bunch of old mates and caught up, found out they were completely bogan and was then subjected to a minute by minute update of every inane drop of gelatinous demi-thought which fell out of the radioactive, pickled, spongy morass of its collective crania. I then tried trolling for a bit and was crap at it and wound up in a murderous rage at some faceless, doubtless obese, spotty youth with a proclivity for talking niggrish.
everything else I saw was shit. just shit. drivel gibberish and shit. It nearly destroyed my faith in human nature. Seriously. If aliens find facebook first before making any other actual contact with humanity, they will put it down very carefully and back away
never to be seen again.
I did find TBL but.
So that was ok.
once I got away from the facebook part.
and due notice to those who draw the parrallel to the blog. I’ve been one of the worst offenders. human nature. about 75% of my world for 90% of the time was/could be filled with unmitigated fucktards of every stripe. as a result the blog is always a nice vent and a good laugh at the injusticeees I sees.
I twitter. it’s good, but…
twitter needs chat rooms or something…
I like getting a nice little feed of tidbits confined pretty much to things what interest me but there’s acres and acres of drivel on twitter too and I dont dig one individual clogging up my feed with shit about their hair or their cat ad nauseum…
I’d like to think twitter is more grown up.
I’d like to.
and there’s some thing tickling my brain about an akashic egg sort of thing which could be valuable to us. but that’s overprofounding it prolly.
yeah
Fuck facebook

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

and the other thing…
TBL makes me write. I actually like writing, but I’d never do it otherwise.
Not even on my own blog. I got one but, meh.
and I think it’s important that I write.
because I am unique and
sooooooooooooooo FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!
😀 :X 😛

18 02 2011
Tombarina

*like*

19 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

We regulars always await your missives of insights, wit and critique. OK, I really can’t speak for anyone else, but I certainly do.

Keep writing, chubbs you wicked raconteur!

19 02 2011
Tombarina

*like. again*

19 02 2011
martin

It’s good to talk about the nuances of bogan behaviour. That way no one can hide any behaviour behind seemingly normal or even classy veneers, even libtards can’t hide while I’m here. I think the government should pay the TBL writers.

Can’t TBL get one of those arts grants? Or are they only reserved for maxxtreme libtards?

19 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

But the guvmint has to keep paying baby bonuses (baby bonii?) and first home buyers grants for the bogue’s kids and family tax credits and other maxxtreme uses for money. Giving the TBL boys a grant is a waste of MY TAXPAYER DOLLARS!

19 02 2011
urbanreverie

Too right, Ash! Them TBL blokes get everyfint – while we get nuffint!

20 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
9,9,9,9,9
Don’t you just lurve the games they have on fb? one would be better brain dead then being part of them.
Serious note though check Peter of Thornton’s comment of this morning. It is possible to collect shit no matter where one goes.
There are some interesting comments on “Crikey” although it is a subscription site. also “The Drum” has some sensible contributors.
I feel this site has gone down hill a bit this last few months ? Wachya tink ?
Cheers and thank (Deity of choice) you keep up the good work.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

bogans fear change until they’ve had any one thing for too long and then they want a new one. and granted, after a bit they’ll probably say the old one was better anyway. and then go and get a new one again.
I reckon it holds true for everything from televisions to politicians to lifestyle partners.

18 02 2011
James Hunter

“Only a touch of Chlamydia ” ! Excelent Just like “Only a little bit pregnant”
Just the sort of language a bogan not only uses but understands.

18 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
Like they buy a new commodore every couple of years and yet it is the same old commodore bits all over again.
Bit like dressing mutton as lamb like the bougettets specialise in

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

them’s fightin’ words james!
I was raised by a Commodore and a Bull Terrier.

The VE commodore is a world class automobile.
made in Elizabeth.
that’s about all that need be said.

18 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby7,
I Guess to be fair the present one is getting to be not bad. They could catch up with the rest of the civilised world though with a diesel option ?
second point I designed and built some of the machinery in the EWlizabeth plant sothough,make of that what you will !!
third point: remember ther car is largly assembled by ex pat poms !! Oh I suppose Afgahans and Vietnamese to be fair. Maybe they even it out.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

dunno if there’s any poms left out there…
yr right though, it would be pretty funny if commodores were being made by refugees.

18 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
Thats right, Immagine the bogan explaining how his comformadore nad its Castsalloy wheels were all made by casmel drivers.
Hmmmm Brand new way to start a ruckus in a pub !!!!!

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I might go and surveil the gates one day.
gather data…
nah.
I don’t go north.
I’ll just make up lies.
say that 60% of the staff are black or muslim refugees, but they are only allowed to do night shifts…
So No-One Knows…

18 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby,
Maybe they are making “Cats Eyes” since that would be the only bit you would see.?

20 02 2011
Vviv2

Unless they smile…..

18 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

You’d see a glassin’ or five for sure.

18 02 2011
Alpha-Cock Turbo 6000

It’s futile.
They’re everywhere.

18 02 2011
Le-a

ahh, that overwhelming urge to type “Nobody gives a SHIT!” in peoples status updates!….Particularly the ones pertaining to whichever country the bogue may be inhabiting at present, surely as part of a 7 day Contiki tour of 32 countries across 4 continents, stopping only to spread some ‘ozzie culcha’….and maybe glass some c*nts!

19 02 2011
James Hunter

Maybe we could combine efforts with a tour company and offer “Glassing Tours” Send them to their choice,”Any five countries from a choice of 15 middel easte trouble spots”. Any luck they wont come back.??

19 02 2011
James Hunter

Forgot the Glassers cruise” 28 days on a Somali Pirate vessel !!!!

18 02 2011
urbanreverie

And now for some quality weekend entertainment, courtesy of your friends at …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!

(THE SCENE: One evening in the lesser TV room of the McMansion, and BOGUE is sitting on the sofa in front of the television wearing a baseball cap, a black Tapout t-shirt and three-quarter length camouflage shorts, his legs spread wide apart and a can of Jim Beam & cola resting on his ample gut. The ceiling above him is reverberating as AIDEN, BRAIDEN, JAIDEN and KAIDEN are running around upstairs beating the living daylights out of each other because BOGUE forgot to give them their Ritalin earlier.

BOGUE is watching The Force: Behind The Line, on which some handcuffed clubber being put away into a police van after an officer and a sniffer dog found three ecstacy tablets on his person.)

BOGUE: (takes a large gulp from his can of Jim Beam and shouts at TV set) Hahahaha! Suck on that, ya drug-abusin’ junkie scum! (takes another large gulp)

(The front door opens and loudly slams shut almost immediately, and a very distressed BOGUETTE with her mascara and eyeliner streaming down her face walks into the lesser TV room, collapses onto the sofa next to BOGUE and puts her head into her palms and sobs.)

BOGUE: (turns head to the left and squints) What crawled up your arse and died?

BOGUETTE: (sniffles) You wouldn’t believe but, but I’ve gotten the sack.

BOGUE: Well who’s fault’s that, ya bludgin’ bitch?

BOGUETTE: It ain’t my fault at all! We all got the sack. Some paper called the Herald has been running these stories and things about the mobile phone shop franchise I work for, and now the mobile company has cancelled its contract with the franchise and we all got immediately terminated today and stuff.

BOGUE: What the fark’s the Herald? I’ve only ever heard of the Tele.

BOGUETTE: Anyway, me and some of the other girls went to all the other mobile shops in the Westfield, and none of them are hiring an’ stuff. And the other shops ain’t hiring either, business has been slow and the floods have stuffed things up. And I don’t know what to do … there’s me cousin Shevonne who’s opening up her beauty salon with the money she won on Keno and she wants me to work with her, but her lease doesn’t start until late April or sumfint.

BOGUE: Well what good’s that? We’ve already got debt collectors calling us about our three credit cards in arrears. We got our rego on me XR6, your Swift and the boat all due next month. How we gonna afford that now, huh? All because you dun’ know how to do yer bloody job properly!

BOGUETTE: (groans) Well, I’ll keep looking fer stuff. I can’t go onto the dole ’cause your income’s too high. So I’ve been finkin’, maybe we should make some sacrifices until I can find sumfint?

BOGUE: Sacrifices? What does that mean?

BOGUETTE: Well, stuff we can save money on, like, until I get some more work. Like, how about we only turn on the air conditioner when we’re actually home, and not while we’re asleep and stuff?

BOGUE: (takes another gulp) How the hell am I supposed to get to sleep if the temperature’s over 22 degrees? I got early starts for the next two weeks, y’know. And I reckon a hard-working bloke like meself’s got the right to come home to a nice cold house when he gets home after bustin’ his gut all day! Naah, stuff that!

BOGUETTE: All right. Well, how about driving me Suzuki Swift to work while I’m not using it? We can save money on petrol that way.

BOGUE: If you fink that I’m gonna turn up in that poxy little black sh!tbox with pink pinstripes and a Playboy bunny sticker on the back in front of all the other boys on the motorway construction site, you got rocks in yer head, ya lazy slvt.

BOGUETTE: Well, maybe we can cancel our Foxtel? We’re out of contract now, and most of the stuff we watch is on normal telly and stuff anyway.

BOGUE: So what? I like being able to watch other channels if there’s nothing good on normal stations! And what will Jason next door fink if he finds out that we don’t have Foxtel any more? We’ll be the laughin’ stock of the whole street!

BOGUETTE: (snaps) Listen! I’m tryin’ to help ya here, so we don’t have to become bankrupt and have our house taken away from us and crap. And you just keep puttin’ shit on everyfint I say! It ain’t fair! You got any ideas, Mister “Oh, I’m So Cool”, Mister “Oh, I’m Too Good To Drive A Suzuki Swift Because I’m Such A Big Man”!

BOGUE: (crushes near-empty can in his fist) Urruuruhghruguhbggururghgkurrghnt! You wanna save money, you bludgin’ slag? How about you stop getting your Buzzilians all the time! And stop going to that day spa every friggin’ week with all the tarts ya hang out wiv!

BOGUETTE: (hysterical, leaps to feet and points finger at BOGUE) Listen! I never wanted them Buzzilians done! They hurt like hell and it’s embarrassin’ and stuff! You’re the one who forced me to go to Buzzilian Butterfloy! Actually, how does this sound! I move out, stay with Shevonne for a while, that way I can get the dole until I find work. And then you get nuffint! You can’t afford the mortgage all by yourself!

BOGUE: What? Live in her garage of her crappy little Houso townhouse? Won’t yer girlfriends just love ya then! Oooooh! Houso scum! Dole bludgin’ Houso scum! They’ll drop you like hot potatoes.

BOGUETTE: (collapses back on sofa and breaks down) Oh .. I just don’t know what to do …. sellin’ mobile phones is all I’ve known, ever since we had Aiden anyways. (sniffs) What else can we do ….

BOGUE: (gets up off sofa) I know what you can do. Stop bein’ such a whiny llittle bitch and get me another drink. Then stop yer bludgin’ and find some other job. I ain’t givin’ up MY rights, my right to air conditionin’ and a car with sick rims and spoilers and the right to watch Foxtel if I want to, just because you can’t hold down a job! (exits room to go to the toilet, leaving BOGUETTE there sobbing alone)

THE END

19 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

He’s probably in the lav, strainin’ his sphincter for a massive impacted grogan, caused by insufficient dietary fibre…watching them carbs, y’know, all the while suffusing his blood with maxxtreme quantities of fructose.

The utterances he makes whilst atop his throne in the smallest room of the house are akin to the belching vocals of Choad Grogan (OK, Chad Kroger of Nickelback for those who didn’t know—Grogan by name, grogan by nature and sound), which distracts him. Both in his process of elimination and from the aggravation he felt upon the bombshell dropped by his missus.

After fifteen unsuccessful minutes in attempting to launch a Mersey trout, he abandons any further attempts for this evening. “Fück this shit!”, he muses. “I’m gonna go back to the HD-LED-LCD-WTF TV and cut sick on the axe on Guitar Hero and sing a Nickelback tune! ‘Ken oath…a bloody maaaarvellous idea!”

Oblivious to the banshee commotion of his inadequately-medicated sprogs and to his wife’s stony resentment, he proceeds to cut sick, fully maxxtremely, on Guitar Hero…

[If I knew the lyrics to a Nickelback “song”, I’d then give a few bars to set the scene, but thankfully I’ve successfully banished any memory of prior exposure from my mind.]

19 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Noice! I’m also thinking Bogue went out to the shed, gave the Harley a few revs and himself The Stranger.

19 02 2011
Tone

Noice. Surely SBS should be knocking on your door looking to make this into a series, it would be a logical lead-in show for Houso’s (sic).

19 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

Sick UR. One suggestion – our Bogue should have made a pathetic attempt to comfort his boguette which failed miserably.

19 02 2011
p'bee

maybe he could have suggested boguette and friends come over and do their girly day spa stuff at their place, and boguette then screams at him that he only wants the girls to come over because he wants to root brea-ah.

20 02 2011
James Hunter

I know its off topic but you may find it interesting.Sue Hewitt in the Sunday Herald Sun tells us that BMW Credit took 220 to court last year and are going dambusters again this year.
The aspirationals are getting caught with big loans like 1000 per month for a car ! Some of the loans are ballon loans with the sting in the tail.
Poor puppies figured the job and they money would last forever.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and these are the smart people that will be running the country soon.

20 02 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, less and fewer or your wry observations on the inner workings of our Top 400’s financial undertakings. You’re on the dole and live in Newcastle. What on Earth could you possibly understand about such things?

20 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

I was not previously acquainted with Facebook until my son Winston introduced me to the site. I found it to be one of the most banal websites to inhabit the whole internet. Naturally, I was confused as to exactly why a son of mine should use it until he explained to me that it is a veritable haven for pictures of attractive women which can be viewed without their knowledge as they willingly put up such photographs on the internet.

Once again, the youth of today confuse and disgust me.

20 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

With ya Kev. Faceplant is toxic waste. I do not get twittering either. I see something on the side bar here, click on it and all I see are a bunch of unrelated twits about I can never be sure what. One announced he was going to dinner. F#CK off, really, going to dinner? Sign me up that is some fascinating sh€t right there.

20 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Indeed. I myself have never used either site, however I believe that my wife Prudence has her own Twitter account which she uses to keep in contact with her friends in Europe. I prefer not to interfere in her matters.

20 02 2011
Pendant

What confuses me is people who create ‘personalities’ for posting comments to internet articles. I can almost understand it as a one-time thing, but to keep it going for years…

20 02 2011
Linda

Facebook is the ultimate voyeurism for watching bogans lives pass by them also. It’s like watching the chimpanzee’s at the zoo.

Thanks to facebook – I am now able to keep up to date with fellow old school mates-turned bogans who have just recently got engaged after the birth of their 4th child, “Tamika”.

I also enjoy the cringeworthy updates worded in terrible TXT SPEAK. “omg sum1’s bday prty 2nyt n i don feel lyk goin to der prty coz shanquileesha is a total biotch n she will be der.”

TXT speak is very bogan – I’m sure it has already been covered by TBL. I’ll have to troll through the entries.

I love this blog.

21 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I don’t think it has been broached in any depth, as such, by TBL yet.

But ever so quixotically, I insist on using the Queen’s English (in spite of my republican leanings) for texts or tweets…that is my small stand in resisting the tide of mindless boganism; there’s fun for sure in bending and twisting the English language for the sake of furthering the literary canon and adding to the lexicon, but text-speak—which started life as leet (a.k.a. 1337) about two decades ago by geeks as a means of having an in-jargon, without quite the laziness that permeates it now—is a gross disembowelment of the written form. In texting, it may have been of merit in keeping economy within 160 characters, but for Faceache where one isn’t so encumbered by such restriction, there’s no excuse for this slovenly approach. Even worse still when this is applied to situations where correct spelling is mandatory, such as school or university assignments: haven’t these deluded arsewits sussed that out?

If they think that in doing thus that they’re just too kewl for skool, well they deserve the poor marks that blight their academic records. If, as possibly is more often the case, that they sincerely believe that this method is normal, then it makes a mockery of all their education and the waste of time that ensued in having them still functionally illiterate is a sad indictment on society.

I’m all for reforming the English language insomuch as eliminating all the ambiguities of spelling and pronunciation that exist and confuse those for whom it’s their primary tongue (never mind how hard it is for those for whom English is their second language, opposed to their primary one which has clear rules), but text-speak is not the answer, in my humble opinion.

21 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Well said. I have friends who only learnt English when they moved here at 10-12 years old and they are more respectful of it than those whose only language is English.
I have never liked textlish – I think anyone using it is lazy, stupid and trying too hard to be cool.
I’d much rather pay for another text than not write full words correctly.

21 02 2011
James Hunter

Alyssa,Texlish is trash and a sign of poor self immage.An attempt to be exclusive. All of that.
Mind you back in the dark ages we used to write telexs in similar fashion to save transmission time. Telex tramsmission was very slow and the long distance and international connection fees realy extraordinaly high by todays standards,
Asside from std abreviations a lot of it was simply deleating vowels. Try it. you can leave them all out and still read it. (well almost.

21 02 2011
Pendant

These days you have people who lengthen their messages to mimic their offline speech deficiencies. Txt speak I can deal with (barely), but writing ‘youse’ when ‘you’ would suffice – WTF

21 02 2011
AlyssaKT

and it’s been pointed out that saying “double-u double-u double-u (dot)” takes longer than “world wide web”

21 02 2011
AlyssaKT

JH, you can also mix around the letters in words and still read them;
Arocdnicg to rsceearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

http://dan.hersam.com/2005/01/27/reading-jumbled-letters/

21 02 2011
James Hunter

Alyssa, Perception is a great study. Like the way our brain assembles vision and sound into the same items even though our ears and eyes degrade with time. the processing does take longer though but even so to the brain on the revieving end we cant see or hear anything different untill a realy large degradation has occured.

Dsylexics like myself have particular problem trying to find words miss spelled like you refer. even if we are realy looking for them.

17 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, the only extraordinarly (sic) thing is that’s it’s actually possible to read and understand your crude, empty-headed, unrefined and uncultivated missives. Be grateful for small mercies, pops.

17 07 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb, You realy must be running out of ideas.
Still if there were not many in there at the start that would explain it.

21 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

933|{$ h4v3 b33n µ$1n9 £337 0n 1R( $1n(3 B4b¥ J3$µ$ $74r73Ð 0n $0£1Ð$.

21 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

don’t you drag the baby jesus into this you sordid wastrel.

21 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

b4(k th3n th3 1nt3rn3t w4$ jµ$t 4 $t1(k, 4nÐ ¥0µ w0µ£Ð (4rv3 m3$$4g3$ 0n 1t 1n £33t 4nÐ g3t ¥0µr $£4v3 t0 rµn 4££ th3 w4¥ 4((r0$$ th3 v1££4g3 4nÐ g1v3 1t t0 th3 p3r$0n ¥0µ w4nt3Ð t0 £0£ @. Th3n th3¥ w0µ£Ð (4rv3 $0m3th1ng £1k3 R0F£M40 0n 1t 4nÐ $3nÐ 1t b4(k. 1t 3nÐ3Ð µp (4µ$1ng th3 Ð3f0r3$t4t10n 0f 3g¥pt $0 th3 1nt3rn3t$ (0mpµt3r w4$ 1nv3nt3Ð 4b0µt tw0 th0µ$4nÐ ¥34r$ £4t3r.

21 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

y83r k&0#k&f#e 0v hdct%$y Iz @m@__)*g

21 02 2011
nauseated

I know a bogan who considers his FB page to be HIS and if he doesn’t like the person who posts on it he screams at them “Get the F*(K OFF MY PAGE!”.

He doesn’t up his security settings.
He doesn’t unfriend the person.

He considers the page to be his personal and private world.

Freak.

21 02 2011
Pandabater
22 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

LMAO. Does that make him an Egyptogan?

22 02 2011
Steve

Father? Shouldn’t that say the baby’s parents named her “Facebook”? Or didn’t the mother get say?

24 03 2011
Steve

Just to see what would happen, I think the next major change should be a “retro” early 2008 change. I predict riots, actually.

14 08 2011
Chris

Has anyone noticed the bogan’s penchant for including the term, ‘YEWWWWW!!!!!’ somewhere within their Facebook status update? Typically it will go something like this;
‘Gonna get loose at at Big Day Out tomorrow, can’t wait – YEWWWWWW!!!!’

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