#213 – Other People’s Backyards

14 02 2011

The bogan staunchly defends its right to access middle class welfare schemes such as negative gearing, in order to create a highly geared and lowly diversified investment empire. Apartments, units, houses with big backyards – investment properties equal big, odiferous bogan schmackos. But while the bogan wants to own all properties, it also insists that other people retain them too. It wants other people to have backyards to adequately house things the bogan finds unpleasant.

While the bogan will reluctantly acknowledge the need for undesirable things like sewage farms, landfills, and non-franchised coffee shops to exist somewhere, it wants the consequences of its own rabid behaviour to be entirely borne by other people, far far away. The crucial problem here is that the bogan and its interests have colonised the majority of the nation. Very few locations exist where something such as a hospital could be built, due to an avalanche of bogan complaints that the sound of the ambulances would ruin the peace and quiet during their routine viewings of Grey’s Anatomy. That said, if an ailing bogan is not instantly cured by the medical system, the bogan’s family will simultaneously phone A Current Affair and Slater & Gordon to extract maxtreme revenge justice. The bogan wants to eat its cake, be given an unlimited free supply of additional cakes, and to never get diabetes from the staggering volume of glucose contained therein. Or else.

The bogan considers proposed airports and nuclear dumps unacceptable, and medium density residential developments near its McMansion even worse. While the McMansion occupies 98% of its block of land, any development that proposes to do the same without a third rumpus room in its floorplan elicits intense existential fury in the bogan. The bogan fears that townhouses and apartments may attract latte sipping intellectuals or ethnic minorities to its neighbourhood, placing the commercial viability of the local Megachurch under threat. Hordes of infuriated NIMBY bogans will descend upon the local municipal offices, declaring that the entire layer of government needs to be sacked immediately. They will drag the proposed development through an extended and costly planning appeals process, offering an array of excuses entirely ineffective at masking their own self-interest. Eighteen months, four lawyers, and six architectural redesigns later, the now utterly compromised development will proceed. The bogan will claim a Castle-esque victory over “greedy developers”, and gear up its negativity to resume complaining about how housing affordability is atrocious, making it unable expand its negatively geared empire at the desired velocity.


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303 responses

14 02 2011
Shoulder Chip

Would you want a bogan in your backyard? Not a chance

14 02 2011
jaydyn

I had a few trying to sneak their bogan tractors into my backyard (apartment block carpark) yesterday, for St. Kilda Festival, after their brethren had already blocked up the street.

pricks.

10 09 2011
1

That’s what you get for moving into a gentrified bogan neighbourhood.
Yes i know that St Kilda was occupied by wealthy people when it was founded; therefore, one could consider it the natural order of things if wealthy people, or middle class people move back in.
But hey, they where the ones who deserted it in the first place.
LONG LIVE THE GATWICK PRIVATE HOTEL!

14 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

what about if you could throw bottles at it?

14 02 2011
Shoulder Chip

Nothing to do with NIMBYs, but something to get off my chest.

I work for a local government on Melbourne’s fringe. It is bogan heartland. And a scary one at that.

At one end of the Shire you have the dyed-in-the-wool country bogan, with their dyed-in-the-wool country grasp of the English language.

And at the other end of the Shire is more refined bogan. Ed Hardy attired, flash bogandores, McMansions, and mega breeders. Each week the local paper is a delight as to the new additions to the family that already boasts Jaxson, Dyannah, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Typhannee.

The bogan here, as Australia-wide, believes that it has a voice and if that voice is not adhered to goes to a power that will make local governments quake in their steel-capped OHS workboots – to A Current Affair.

The latest example of this has been with a lollipop lady who is being moved from her regular post for one week for some new training. She mentioned it to the parents and the parents are now up-in-arms that they are to lose their much-revered lollipoper.

So now they have gone into bogaction with a petition and then the ultimate threat that they will take it to ACA.

I could go on and on, and may one day in my local government memoirs. But that is for another day.

14 02 2011
Clairebbbear

I so hear ya, Shoulder.

I used to work in complaints, and a lot of that was people complaining about local government. I could always spot the bogan by what they were prepared to do to sort out their problems. Non-bogans understand that you may need to write a letter, get professional advice, maybe fork out for legal action down the track.

The bogan, on the other hand, wants you to help them immediately but is not prepared to do anything too thought-out themsleves. On being told that they will have to write a letter or lodge an objection in a particular way, the bogan will get annoyed and threaten to go to ACA or TT, thinking that a. that will somehow impress or frighten the staff member they’re dealing with and b. ACA or TT will give two hoots about their petty neighbourhood dispute.

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The sad thing is, judging by their ads ACA/TT do care about petty neighbourhood disputes. They can charge in, kick down some doors, find a roughnut to interview (better if they swear) and pretend they have fixed it.

14 02 2011
Lucky Star

I think my father is turning into a bogan. He never used to be. He used to be a quiet tea-totalling country man, but in recent years as he’s gotten on he’s become a Beam and dry drinking, ACA watching, ACA threatening grumpy old bogue.

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

aaah..
what you have there is Boomerism.
don’t worry it’s quite common. I does appear to be very similar to boganism, the subtle differences are that Boomerism seems only to affect white people, and it has many more wrinkles.
and a caravan.

20 02 2011
dirksnews

Heh! Nicely coined

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Indeed, A Current Affair is a horrible show. However, I have made it mandatory viewing in my house ever since I caught my son Winston running with a crowd from the North Shore. I do this in the hope that he will realise the error of his ways and embrace his station in life.

I can only imagine what it must be like working for a council of the lesser people. Clearly while you are of the same economic station as they are, you have the intelligence to see above it as do most of the commenters on this site.

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Kev!

18 02 2011
??

how nice to see you post here, mr kevin of double bay

18 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

you do it much better than fiona.
it just smells more real.

14 02 2011
Pendant

Oh man, I just put a huge rant in the last post and now no-one will see it 😦

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I read it Pendant but I won’t pick on structure or spelling. Some stuff just needs to be got out. Good luck with this. Are you Wikileaks?

14 02 2011
Pendant

I really wish it were something cool like that. It was just some trivial crap that from where I’m standing broke no laws. But once a warrant is carried out like that what odds do you have?

14 02 2011
Antosha

Wow.. that’s some read. Good for you for sticking it out the way you did.

And stay in Central Europe… it’s much nicer! (although bloody cold)

14 02 2011
ohnobogan

I read it – my rant ended up in that post too. Random!

14 02 2011
Carz

The worst of the NIMBY bogans who move to an area then demand that existing infrastructure be removed. There seems to be a plethora of these living near Williamtown Air Force Base/Newcastle Airport. At least once a year they start bitching about the noise from the airport, which has been there for decades. But at the same time they love being able to fly to their bogan holiday destinations without having to battle the Sydney traffic.

14 02 2011
chris

I hear ya. The worst of the worst are the ones who move to a semi-rural area on the fringes of suburbia. Up goes the dinky mud-brick hobbit-house; they start swanning around it alpaca beanies and pissing and moaning about urban sprawl when anyone else has the sheer gall to move there.

14 02 2011
Legless on Thalidomide

That tends to be the same in Sydney.

I reside in the bogan heartland of Penriff and get a good laugh when the locals whinge and bitch ad nauseam about the proposed second airport at Badgery’s Creek, but will insist that it’s “fuckin’ bullshit” that Mascot airport has a curfew which doesn’t allow their plane to take off at the desired hour to get them to Bali/Thailand/Fiji/any-other-bogan-tourist-hotspot-in-south-east-Asia before 9AM, and will often refer to the locals around CKS airport as “fuckin’ whin-jas.”

The hypocrisy is outstanding.

14 02 2011
Vviv2

AND they bring at least three oversized (american, NOT ever to be called pit bulls) staffies with them! They piss & moan about the dangerous trees on their block, de-foliage the entire property, then move out because there’s no shopping center to dump their obnoxious offspring at come the weekend.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

You do know American Staffies and Pitbulls are different breeds right? Though dodgy breeders will sometimes advertise Pitbulls as Amstaffs to avoid the breed specific restrictions placed on Pitbulls.

We have an english staffy and she’s lovely with kids, other people and other animals. It’s a shame that they’re all tarred with the same brush, just because they have the word “bull” in their name.

14 02 2011
AlyssaKT

It’s common practice to register your Pitbull as a Staffy…

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Yeah i know mate, that’s why Staffys get such a bad name 😦 Almost every Staffy i’ve ever met, both English and American, have been absolute teddy bears.

14 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Also, Pitbulls can also be lovely animals. Unfortunately their ownership determines their behaviour – and they attract a lot of dickheads.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Yeah, they do attract a LOT of dickheads, as do Bullies, even though Bullies are generally quite pleasant, outgoing and great with kids.

14 02 2011
Kate

I’ve met some absolutely gorgeous Pitties…one of the sweetest was an 80+kg female, who truly thought she was born to be a lapdog…and took great delight in attempting to mother her owners kittens. She didn’t quite know what to make of kids, but she had the sense to remove herself from situations that made her feel uncomfortable rather than be aggressive.

As it is, my dogs vet told me that he’s more wary of small dogs then big ones, for whatever that’s worth.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Yeah, a lot of the time, when it comes to aggressive dogs, the blame gets placed at the wrong end of the lead.

I’m not surprised that he’s wary, poodles and other small or otherwise friendly dogs are renowned for lashing out when they’re scared.

14 02 2011
AlyssaKT

small dog syndrome!
My uncle’s chihuahua was always trying to attack every dog that went past, and hoped our Bull Terrier would back him up. But the bully wasn’t interested unless they came in his yard. He was happiest catching rides on waves with strangers on their surfboards at the beach. Funny dog.

18 02 2011
XXX

Just get pugs. I own 2. I haven’t met a bad one yet! I don’t think pugs even know how to bite a human and it wouldn’t even occur to a pug to have a serious fight with another animal. My two have tried fighting each other and just get all huffy and upset after about 30 seconds. It’s funny to watch two pugs trying to fight because they can’t latch on to each other due to the shape of their snouts. They really don’t want to fight anyway, so they just huff and puff at each other and then sniff each others bottoms and get over it. I have had four pugs (all rescues) and none of them liked to fight and none of them ever had a mean bone in their little bodies.

15 02 2011
Sybil Ince

Four factors determine a dog’s approach to the world: genetics, temperament, personality (yes temperament and personality are two different things) and handling. Observed from breeding and training large/giant breeds for over 30 years.
Any dog in novice hands *can* be an event waiting to happen.

14 02 2011
Edward

I too have heard that territorial cry. Perth has an urban satellite called Mandurah, in which the plaint “Everyone else ruined it” is frequently heard.

Back in the 60’s it was a pleasantly shambling resort town, with a small number of beach shacks, clapboard weekenders, a general store and dirt roads. An aerial photograph taken (in 1961) of the township appears on the album cover of “Borny Sandy Devotional” by the Triffids.

The place has changed a great deal.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

I was looking at property around there the other day, Coodanup actually. What’s the deal? One of my mates from Perth laughed when i told him i was thinkin about buying there, but he didn’t explain what was wrong with it.

14 02 2011
Edward

Where to begin. It has been the fastest growing populated centre in recent years. When the holdouts who are still holding onto rural properties (which their forebears probably bought from John Peel) finally cave in and sell, the only thing to prevent the space between Rockingham/Safety Bay filling up is a Defense Ministry range in Baldivis. Cookie-cutter housing estates with with cookie-cutter garden installed by landscape contractors during the development. Mortgage-belt austerity. The old locals are long gone. The places history has been bulldozed and paved over. They have changed the whole land-contour, infilling a bay with material excavated from elsewhere to create a marina and canals. Even the hydro-dynamics have been altered, since the Dawesville Channel was cut and dredged out. It’s all very synthetic.

On the positive side a melting pot of diverse immigrants who found they couldn’t afford to buy (or buy anything with comparable block sizes and square footage) in Perth.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Lol. Yes, that’s what was attracting me, the massive blocks of the older places and the reasonable prices. I had a feeling there might be a lot of crime, given all the security screens i saw in the photos, but i guess that’s just any big city….

15 02 2011
Edward

The long-term socio-economic outlook for the Mandurah satellite isn’t necessarily good. Antisocial criminal activities like vandalism are already common.
Entrenched lack of opportunity could see the place stewing in it’s own juices. In this case severe endemic property crime could become a significant issue there.

18 02 2011
XXX

Sounds like Rowville in Victoria. No public transport. No infrastructure. Super expensive houses full of young families. They already have major problems with vandalism and drugs!

14 02 2011
Cheeseburger

Hmmm… or the flood plains of the Brisbane River

14 02 2011
AlyssaKT

True. Such a long meandering river that couldn’t possibly have the capacity to take the deluge that it did without the water taking the path of least resistance. i.e. right down the middle, including all the suburbs along the way!

Bring back the Queenslander home – that’s a big reason why it was invented.

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Some of the Modernist design with skillion or split-pitch roofs with deep eaves and solar-passive orientation are good here in Perth, as they are designed with the Mediterranean climate in mind, especially with light-toned double brick or reverse veneer, i.e. brick walls inside to contain thermal mass and insulated lightweight exterior cladding to accommodate the wide diurnal temperature differences.

Still, in this day and age of heightened energy and design awareness, there are still eedjits who insist on building houses with a roof with dark matt cement tiles without eaves…needless to say, these monstrosities are the selfsame McMansions as favoured by the NaBs and CUBs who populate the outer suburbs of one of the sunniest places on Earth. There is no excuse for that sort of sheer bloody-minded wilfulness nowadays.

Those sorts of dimwits really ought to be subjected to an idiot tax, whereupon having a house with those features (which necessitates the mandatory power-hungry multi-room refrigerated air conditioning units) would incur a 100% surcharge on the electricity bill. That’d change minds pretty bloody quick, as it’ll pinch the nerve they respond to quickest near their hips.

14 02 2011
Pandabater

Our local Green member was crowing
in the local paper last year about his
private windmill he had in the front
yard of the 2 storey eaveless mcmansion
he had just built, for him & his wife,
his adult children having left home.

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Gilding the lilly is what that’s called.

As a perverse desire, if I were in a situation whereby I came into a significant amount of money, the first thing I’d do is buy the most gauche, ostentatious McMansion in Dalkeith (one of Perth’s tonier areas, with no shortage of nouveau riche style-free oiks) and have it demolished, replacing it with a far more modest nine-star energy rated monument to both sustainability and erudite good taste.

I wonder what the local council would make of those plans…they’d have to put their lip service of greenwash to work there, possibly encountering opposition on the account of decreasing the amenity of the area.

25 05 2015
Powerlounge

The nerve!

You’d also be the type of person that would also dare to have their sprinklers directed onto the lawn instead of the roadway too I bet 😉

I swear that West Perth, Dalkieth and Matilda Bay would have to have the best watered paths in the nation.

14 02 2011
Nelson Esq

The ‘Close Essendon Airport Action Group’ is full of those sorts of idiots. Had them knocking on my door wanting to sign me up. Told them to piss off and that if they didn’t like the airport noise, they should not have moved to Essendon in the first place.

Last week, as I was moving out of my now exhome in Essendon, I had a conversation with the 2 old-school/country bogans who worked for the removalist company I used. One mentioned he lived in Pakenham (bogan country town now being infringed upon by the NaB McMansion urban sprawl) and that people in his area were complaining about a petrol station being built near to where they lived. Quite rightly he said ‘ What do you expect in a fast growth area like Pakenham, ya gunna need stuff like that. If it wasn’t being built, they’d complain about not being able to get petrol anywhere near to home!’

Exactly…And what bogan doesn’t like buring a heap of petrol?

15 02 2011
Davo

Now there’s a group that wants to change Airport West to Essendon Fields.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

TISM reference this area in “Kate—Fisher OF Men”:

…And come with me to Airport West, we’ve got a brand new shopping mall and an eight-cinema multiplex…”

16 02 2011
Nelson Esq

I reckon Essendon North should be renamed Airport South

14 02 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The only bogans in my backyard are the gardening staff.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Hi Fi,
This is what truly sets you apart (by a long way ) from the bogan. Your back yard is large enough to both warrant and utilise the services of a gardener
By the by, good to see you on form.

14 02 2011
martin

Wot? I’m not saying Fi is a bogan but money has nothing to do whether or not someone is a bogan James.

14 02 2011
jaydyn

I would of thought, you’d only hire gardeners that come with references from shaping and moulding the gardens of chateaus and estates in Europe. Not the guy with the Jim’s Mowing badge!

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Jaydyn,
I just want to make it clear that “Jim’s Mowing” is not connected to me in any way.
I also make the point that I have never trimmed Fi’s hedge.

14 02 2011
jaydyn

=)

14 02 2011
Shoulder Chip

If you keep the hedge nice and think then you don’t have any unwanteds peering in

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Shoulder Chip,
You should go backa and ponder on my words then re comment ?

16 02 2011
Linda

Oh no! why have you allowed bogans to venture onto your property???

14 02 2011
Shoulder Chip

Surely Fi, you would not hire bogan staff??? I knew standards had slipped to Tooraktor, but really

14 02 2011
Kris

“The bogan will claim a Castle-esque victory over “greedy developers”, and gear up its negativity to resume complaining about how housing affordability is atrocious, making it unable expand its negatively geared empire at the desired velocity.”

I do declare I spot a grammar mistake.

Well done. It should have been ‘grammatical’. TBL

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

I have just been made aware of your site through a mutual acquaintance. While I must say that many of the topics you tackle are indeed exemplary, I must raise my objection to this particular point. If it were not for the backyards of other, lower classes of people, I would have to put up with the infestation of these horrible, tattooed “bogans” as you call them in my suburb. And I simply could not have that.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Kevin,
Is it still true that Double Bay is the one suburb that offers easy access to the drugs and hookers of the cross while costing 20 times as much to live there ?

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

I am not aware of such behaviours amongst myself and my chums.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Hmmm,
You don’t sound like the stay at home type.

14 02 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Many years ago, on the feedback section of “The Herald Sun”, someone commented: “you’re not a patch on Kevin of Double Bay”.

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Competition huh Fi.

Whilst perusing The Advertiser this morn there was brief mention of a $1mill fire in a 200sqm mansion in Toorak over the weekend. Surely not you?

14 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

That brings new meaning to the term ‘fire sale’…

14 02 2011
Vacuous

Awww, you remembered 🙂 How lovely that the upper crust acknowledges the work of the lessers.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Oh dear. Does she post here too?

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Hear tell there are no “Bill Posters” in Double Pay. Only “Posters of Invoices” ?

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

I have my staff scan the main every day and they inform me of what is important. Naturally, trifles such as bills go straight to my accountant.

15 02 2011
Othello Cat

Kevin old chap! ’tis indeed both an honour and a pleasure to find you here. You will find TBL’s forum is a refreshing change now you are among like-minded folk after your many years of graciously offering your pearls of wisdom to the great unwashed (of literacy) on the News Limited readers’ comments blogs.

10 09 2011
1

Someone has to be the lower class. Reason being, you need someone to rip off to support your lifestyle.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

This whole “not in my back yard ” thingy is the reason (unreasoned) why we face a difficult future if we wish to both maintain our lifestyles and at the same time reduce emmissions.
We are supposed to be trying to use less coal. The answeres include more wind power and more hydro power. EVERY time a new dam or a new wind farm proposal gets up all the locals cry “NOT IN OUR BACK YARD ” We all want water for our showers baths and car washing but EVERY time a new dam or a desalination plant is proposed its the same “NOT IN OUR BACK YARD ”
We want religious equality (As long as it is a religion we approve of ) .EVERY time someone proposews a Mosque or a Muslim school its the same.”NOT IN OUR BACK YARD” . We say the sex workers need protection and prostitution is better legal and we need to keep things regulated to keep the use of illegal immigrants in brothels. Yet EVERY time a council recieves an application for a brothel its the same thing.”NOT IN OUR BACK YARD”.
Seems that if the bogans want to have a hot shower befor going to church so they can prepare for a nice session in the air conditioned brothel to give them the motivation to go home and wash the car then they are F%$#ed.
Send them to freeze in the dark in a cave in Tasmania.

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

JH, are you ok dude, or is it just that your typing talents are on the improve. That is a great distillation of the post.

I also agree with Chris. Whilst not all bogans those newly transformed tree huggers are the pits.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Hi Simon,
Not sure buddy, could be something(body) that I ate ?

14 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

The standards of my girlfriend’s suburb. Not her standards personally, but quotes like “minarets don’t speak Mosman to me” sum up the North Shore pretty well.

14 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

I guess the point I was trying to make is that this “not in my backyard” sentiment isn’t endemic to just bogans, but the Australian psyche as a whole. It transcends all social and economic boundaries.

14 02 2011
ohnobogan

‘I wouldn’t like to see that in Mosman’ = NIMBY. BOGAN!

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Serious question:

I’ve been reading a lot lately about a push to end negative gearing of investment properties. If this happens, will i finally be able to afford to buy a house?

It will increase affordability, because it will put an end to people purchasing unprofitable investment properties to use as tax breaks. However, NIMBYism to higher density development, along with the implementation of urban growth boundaries, is contributing to what is called ‘the housing shortage’. A long term decline in the number of persons per dwelling, strong population growth, and the increase in the size of houses is creating a situation where we need more houses than we used to. Having said all of that, I believe they’re still currently overvalued, but perhaps not by a massive amount, given the supply constraints. Hmm, I don’t think this has clarified things at all. TBL

14 02 2011
James Hunter

No

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

It depends. If you seek residence in one of the lower class suburbs, then possibly. Certainly if negative gearing is phased out then house prices will naturally decrease and you will be able to afford mortgage payments on your limited income.

However, if you wish to live amongst the moneyed classes such as myself, then unfortunately there is still a way to go that no baby bonuses and home buyer grants will help you with.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Lol. I don’t know that i’d describe my income as “limited”……i certainly don’t like the thought of paying $5-600K for a first home though.

Also, if negative gearing was abolished, would that lead to rent increases from people with investment properties?

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Possibly. The one way around it is to limit negative gearing (or something else, like a concession in the form of a tax or levy break) to properties that serve the entry-level and social housing ends of the market…that might ease the plight of shortages of accommodation for those renters who’d live in such quarters. It would have be subject to stringent controls as not to be rorted or loopholed.

But I think the real estate, finance and developer lobbies would scream blue murder at such a proposal, as this would eat into their profits.

10 09 2011
1

Yes money classes.
All the real money i know would never refer to themselves as money people. Hence why they probably shop at Kmart.
No sir you are not money, you are just a part of the aspirational class who buy the higher priced goods, which are produced by the people who shop at Kmart.
P.S. I hate full stops and semicolons =)

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Thanks TBL, clear as mud lol.

14 02 2011
martin

It’s the money supply that is the biggest factor. In the old days you used to have to have a 20% deposit, now you only need 5%.

Say a bogan saves up $20k. They can buy a place for $400k, in the old days they’d only be able to spend $100k.

So if deposit requirements go up to merely 10%, then that $20k becomes a deposit on a $200k place. So property would crash. It’s a ponzi scheme that constantly needs new entrants to take bigger and bigger mortgages to feed it.

About 40% of the money that’s lent out for mortgages comes from overseas so it is also pretty vulnerable to the overseas economy.

All the other factors like “shortages” do have a little truth but they’re mainly used by the spruiker scum to scare the shit out of first home buyers and to get “investors” in.

I think we’re on the verge of a substantial downturn, you’d have to be a major bogan to buy property at the moment.

See http://www.refindhouseprices.com to see if there’s any price cuts in your area.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Cheers Martin, that clears it up nicely. Thanks.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

TBL, To comment at length with out making anything clearer is the sign of literary genius.

14 02 2011
urbanreverie

G’day Berra,

I hope that I am qualified to comment – I’m doing an Urban Development degree and my coursework has included a property economics component which required a research paper; and housing policy and other town planning issues have long been a casual interest of mine.

What TBL and Martin said in response to your post appear quite valid to me and concur with publications I’ve read, but I’d like to add some more insights of my own.

If negative gearing were to end, yes, that would place less pressure on house prices, so housing costs would likely be more affordable than if the whole neg gearing rort were to continue.

But there are so many other factors combining to make residential property prices as high as they are. In other words, it’s the perfect sh!tstorm – anything that could go wrong is going wrong.

First, there are supply constraints of residential land, especially greenfields sites. This is particularly a problem in NSW, where the Wran government in the 1980s introduced a policy of “urban consolidation” – new greenfields sites in the Sydney basin are being released in a drip feed (when compared to the sprawl of the post-war era), and the number of new developments on urban infill and brownfields sites simply can’t keep up with demand.

Then there are very high rates of population growth for a First World country, fuelled principally by immigration. Immigration is needed to help remedy labour market constraints (i.e. the skills shortage), but every new immigrant needs a place to live – and there simply aren’t enough tradies, brickworks and the like to build these things quickly enough to satisfy demand.

Then there are the fiscal policies. Apart from negative gearing, you have (at the federal level) the first home owner’s grant, subsidised first home owner’s savings accounts, and more generous capital gains tax concessions than in the past. The federal govt also grants many social security recipients Rent Assistance – which helps low-income people to bid the price of rents up, and therefore rental yields, and therefore the price landlords are willing to pay for investment properties, especially at the lower end of the market.

At the state level, some states have stamp duty exemptions for first home buyers. There’s also the shrinking stock of state-owned public housing which adds heat to the private rental market.

And at the local government level, councils charge developers what are known as “headworks charges” or (in NSW) “section 94 contributions” to pay for infrastructure on new housing estates – drainage, street lighting, roads, community centres and the like. The cost of these levies is passed by the developer directly to the home buyer. In many other countries, such new infrastructure is paid for by regular property rates rather than an upfront lump sum levy.

There are monetary / banking policies too – historically low interest rates (compared to the 17%+ rates in 1989 and 1990), less stringent lending regulations, the explosion in the number of non-bank lenders starting in the mid-1990s, low-doc loans and the like.

And then there are record high incomes, particularly among the blue-collar sector of the labour force. If you have more disposable income, you would be more willing to spend more on mortgage repayments as you try to outbid other equally cashed-up potential home buyers in the property market.

So in short, ending negative gearing will help – but probably not too much! The government won’t do it anyway. The majority of us still own or are paying off our own homes, and nobody likes the thought of having your assets decrease in nominal value!

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I too have had a theory as to why property prices have surged in the last decade-or-so, and I have put it down to four main factors that didn’t exist in previous decades to the extent they do now:

1. The deregulation of the financial sector during the 90s has opened up many more avenues for borrowing, as urbanreverie has mentioned: this has increased the pool of people able to secure finance to loan money against a property with less stringent conditions, and thus has ignited a bidding war as borrowers can access greater sums of money with less qualification than has been the case before—until deregulation, you couldn’t borrow no more than 2.5-3 times your annual combined income (and until the early 80s, only the breadwinner’s income, at that same ratio, was factored in), but now you can borrow up to a multiple of six times the combined annual income. Also the loan periods have been allowed to run longer: whereas they’d be capped at 25 years, 30, 35 and even 40 year terms are now considered acceptable.

2. Sustained low interest rates since the mid 90s (which were used as a means to stimulate economic activity at the end of the early 90s recession) have not only bred a false sense of security, but also a culture of entitlement to that state—most of the people who had to endure the 17-19% rates of the late 80s have paid (or almost paid) off their loans, so there’s a whole new generation who have not endured such privation. It may seem onerous that number, but it did have an effect of moderating housing prices to within a reasonable level…remember housing prices were about 16-25% in 1988 of what they are now, so when those rates were applied, the servicing costs were in the same proportion to income as they are now with 8-9% rates. Therefore, if rates go up, even incrementally by 25 basis points, mortgage stress becomes an ever-more present reality. Woe betide if interest rates hit 11 or 12%…you’d have whole streets out on their ear.

3. Taxation breaks have been another source of stimulus in the inappropriate level of property investment: capital gains tax (CGT) was introduced in 1985 as a means of gaining revenue from those who had the means to invest in multiple properties, thus targeting the truly affluent, yet there was still negative gearing available if a property was running at a loss. However, the CGT rate was halved by Peter Costello in 1999. This had the effect of making investment into property by regular schmoes a lucrative proposition and with the aforementioned conditions present, the was a swarm of mum ‘n’ dad investors for whom the lure of a substantial bricks & mortar “rental” that could be negatively geared was irresistible, which led to a decline in affordable entry-level properties released to the rental market, which also adds to a housing crisis for the less well-to-do.

4. One that gets criminally overlooked is the lack of a broad-based public housing programmes: the ideological drive of the Neo-Liberals meant that governments were less willing to be involved in areas that they thought would be better served by private enterprise, and housing supply was an easy target. Until the late 1980s, it wasn’t uncommon for first homebuyers on lower incomes to purchase their home through their State’s Housing Commission or Trust (both my grandparents and parents did just that). This served as a benchmark for entry-level housing, both with units and detached structures. Instead, pursuant to the mantra of “choice”, the governments instead offered grants to those people, which the unintended consequence is that the developers and builders simply jacked up the price by the amount of the grant and with the new situations as previously elaborated, and then some and how. Instead, we have a whole generation of new homebuyers wedded to punishing mortgages at levels not considered safe or acceptable in decades past with a bugger-all margin of safety and having those in more invidious socio-economic situations who may have managed a State Housing loan confined to either a lifetime of insecure tenancy in poor-quality dwellings or relying on the tender mercies of waiting for a State house for many years, to which only those at the very lowest level of the social totem pole (single parents, refugees, Indigenous Australians and the disabled) would qualify.

Sure, one can bang on about land not being released as frequently or that young people want all the mod-cons that their parents or grandparents had—as much as those factors may be relevant, they’re just a furphy, a distraction from the manifold systemic dysfunctions of modern financial policies. There are many vested interests involved and it’s not just the business end of town, but it’s the whole corrupted culture of greed that has been normalised in Western society at work, where it has ensnared and enveloped the mainstream, who have become complicit in this Ponzi scheme, which unfortunately now involves one’s own private dwelling; this affects anyone—even those, who although having a mortgage, want no part of the whole property investment culture and simply want secure shelter.

All it will take is for one of those elements to falter for the whole edifice to become undermined and it will be a painful but ultimately necessary correction. It’s just a shame that many ordinary folk will be dragged along as a corollary for their acquiescent collusion in the notion of getting rich on their homes.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Wow, thanks for the responses guys. I’m kind of starting to understand. There really is no one element that has sole responsibility is there? Also, while i was looking around, i noticed that Aussie are offering 97% loans…..guess we didn’t really learn too much from the GFC did we?

Meanwhile, the negative gearing bonanza/binge continues. Read the property description of these places. I haven’t heard anything about this scheme before, but maybe you guys understand it a bit better than i do……

http://www.domain.com.au/Property/For-Sale/Apartment/WA/Armadale/?adid=2007723905

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

My parents bought became one of these mum n dad investors, and the reason was this: they knew the property would run at a loss, but they wanted it to sell off when they retire, because they believe there will be no pension available to them as the government of the day, the Howard government, seemed to be slugging the old every which way. There must be a lot of mum n dad investors who are just trying to provide for their retirement, what with people living longer and that.

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The definitive urban boundaries of Melbourne have been pushed back farther afield in the last five years, which seems to be absorbing its phenomenal growth (there are something like 1500 people per week permanently moving there); at this rate, there is a likely scenario of the Melbourne agglomeration overtaking the population of Sydney within fifteen years. This has been in response to intense lobbying by development interests.

Yet this increase in yielding urban deferred area hasn’t lessened that city’s housing prices one jot; if anything, all it does is encourages further speculation and unsustainable sprawling, which Melbourne already has one of the world’s greatest (people not familiar to this should, upon their next visit, take a drive down the Nepean Highway, which starts at St Kilda Road from the city centre and just keep going for another 50-or-so kilometres to Mornington. That’s unrelenting suburbia just along the coast. If you really want a nightmare, don’t merely turn around and return, turn back up towards the Moorooduc Highway and hook a right on Cranbourne-Frankston Road and keep going until the Narre Warren-Cranbourne Road, then onto the Princes Freeway and exiting onto the M3 Eastlink, heading North. Again, keep going onto the Eastern Freeway until Burke Road North, following lower Heidelberg Road, Rosanna Road and slip onto the Greensboro Highway until you turn West onto the M80. (If you wish, you can take a northern detour up the Hume and back down Mickelham Road, but only if you’re keen) Keep going due West and take the exit swinging right onto the Calder, which will take you to Melton Highway. Turn left at Gourlay Road, continuing as Caroline Springs Boulevard until you get onto the Western Freeway, which should eventually bring you onto the M80 again and connect to the M1 over the West Gate Bridge, back into the city.

No idea how many kilometres off the top of my head this run around the periphery of Greater Melbourne is (I’m sure it’s about 200 km), but I do know one thing: running up and down the full length of the Nepean is bad enough, but to get a truer picture of the extent of the sprawl and see bogans in their natural habitats from the safety of your automotive capsule, take the time to do this for a sobering reminder as to why we should not be mindlessly advocating growth, for this growth is a cancer that though spreading outwards, also eats in. The soullessness and despondency witnessed in those outer areas is saddening to the spirit.

15 02 2011
Mr Q

You don’t have to go all the way to Melbourne to get unrelenting sprawl – I just got directions from Butler to Dawesville – and the short route (by distance) was 121km – over two hours – of Perth suburban hell, including fun roads like Marmion Avenue and Mandurah Road.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Indeed, there is a nasty incessant sprawl that teems along the coastline. And nearly 130 kilometres of it at that (technically, Greater Perth stops at Singleton and Karnup, thus Mandurah isn’t incorporated into Perth’s population, but continues as an unabated conurbation).

At least a number of those areas only go back about two suburbs on the peripheries, though once you approach Warnbro (just south of Rockingham) it spreads inland in an almost delta-like shape following the rivers up to the Hills, only receding once you go north of Wanneroo.

Still a testament to the rapacious expansion of this city: to get an idea of its growth, Perth’s population has doubled within 30 years, on top of doubling the 30 years prior: in 1950, only 350000 lived here, whereas now it’s 1.7 million. And not including Mandurah, which someone stated previously here, has had some of the fastest growth anywhere in the country.

In a place so dry—until 1970, all the city’s water supply was from surface catchment, i.e. dams. Since then, we’ve dried out numerous lakes and wetlands with ground water and have supplemented those with desal since 2006, a second coming on line soon between Mandurah and Bunbury. This growth is not at all sustainable and there needs to be serious consideration to decentralising populations to the northerly regions, even though realistically this cannot be pursued with the current infrastructures in place, not to mention some of those regional centres being both geographically isolated and climatically inhospitable. There needs to be serious investigation into feasible scenarios in either accommodating the swelling population, or capping the growth and business doesn’t want to know about dealing with either, should it hurt their bottom lines.

16 02 2011
Mr Q

Yeah, I know Mandurah’s technically not part of Perth – but once it got half hourly suburban trains running there I thought we may as well embrace our boganic satellite city as part of the metro area (especially as we already had uber-bogan Armadale-by-the-sea – aka Rockingham – to its north as part of Perth). After all, Mandurah has a thing bogans really like: McMansions on canals!

Of course, I could have started in Two Rocks and added another 20km…

16 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Quinns Rocks (which has crept north to Jindalee and Alkimos has just begun development) hasn’t linked up with Yanchep and Two Rocks.

Not yet. But wait another ten or fifteen years…

14 02 2011
ohnobogan

you forgot, Macmansions don’t have big backyards – they have big ugly ‘entertainment areas’ and sometimes a filthy spa (shudders).

Yes, it’s the big, ugly, shameless, tasteless house that means you’ve ‘made it’.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Do not forget the swimming pool with the gaudy water feature.

While they may have “made it” in their minds, sadly they miss the point that any truly successful gentlemen or lady would abhor such a chintzy display of credit-based wealth.

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

That’s why the nouveau riche would plump for a BMW or Porsche (preferably an SUV version of either) over an Audi or Jaguar saloon.

It’s all about “look at MOI!”; elegant understatement doesn’t for the CUB or NaB.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Indeed. I have seen a couple of those oversized Porsche’s myself around Double Bay. Horrible things.

14 02 2011
Mick

The 4WD Porsche is the four wheel equivalent of the harley.

It just doesn’t make sense.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

I would add the Audi Q7, BMW X5 M series and the VW Touraeg to that list as well.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Would you include the Range Rover…though never as utilitarian as the Land Rover Defender yet similarly capable, but it is become such a luxo-barge SUV, it is of much doubt anyone with the means to own (and run) one would even consider performing any serious four-wheel driving with it, lest the upholstery get soiled or have dents and chips on the pearlescent duco.

And for the ultimate Get Fücked experience, there’s the Lexus LX570, which is basically a current Toyota Sand Bruiser with another litre of displacement to the V8 petrol donk, another 130 kg of added luxury kit (and added complexity) to break the scales at 2.74 tonnes (or does 2740 kilos sound worse?) with an equally up-yours combined cycle fuel consumption of 14.8 L/100 km (likely close to 20 L/100 km in city driving). Which renders it an even-more grotesque caricature of the SUV, which the regular Toyota 200 series version has morphed into…many now argue the current 150 series Prado has assumed the role of the old FJ80 series, and that it has become nothing more than a status symbol, for there’s no basic version (the previous 100 had its live-axled 105 series).

And then there’s the myriad Mercedes-Benz SUV tanks: the X5-competitor ML-Class, the R-Class (a roomier alternative to the similarly unique-but-pointless BMW X6), Range Rover/LX570/Q7 baiting GL-Class and the Hummer-esque G-Class, the current iteration of the Geländewagen…their fuel consumption varies between frugal diesels and petroholic AMG variants (16.9 combined for the ML63 AMG! More like the ML63 OMG, WTF!) and they too have many niches filled, but honestly, there are far more appropriate, economical and tasteful cars (i.e. saloons, coupés and estates) people can swan about in, rather than these bejewelled dancing elephants, which of almost none will see serious dirt, despite some actually being quite capable off-road.

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

I’d put pretty much all of those on the list of “ridiculous things to drive”. The Discovery gets a reprieve, because it is still useful off road, but the rest of the Range Rover lineup, especially the supercharged V8 Sports model, serve no purpose except to provide a bigger engine bay to fill with a bigger engine. Kind of like building a massive house, so you have to fill it with tasteless shit from Fantastic Furniture.

The Lexus and the Landcruiser 200 series Sahara model for that matter are particularly stupid. The poor landcruiser keeps getting bigger and bigger each year, but getting less and less capable off road through the removal of live axles etc. I did notice that if you have the $120K plus to spend on this thing, that you can also option up for a twin turbo V8 dieso. I can only imagine that this engine would probably be the undisputed king of fuel consumption in Australia.

Why does anybody need a “high performance” 4WD anyway? Why do we need a Merc AMG, Porche Cayenne turbo or BMW M series 4×4? How quickly do you need to get the kids to soccer practice?

For anyone who hasn’t seen them before, here’s the perfect example of two of the vehicles:

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

The Toyota LandBruiser does have a 3.5 tonne towing capacity…perfect for towing the bogans powerboat for waterskiing holidays on Lake Eildon or the Murray.

15 02 2011
Pandabater

The Wake boat nearly deserves its own entry. They encapsulate everything that is bogan. They are much bigger than most ski or fishing boats & they have the maxtremely cool overhead rollbar where the ropes are attached & the “quiver” of boards is displayed prominently. These boats are the pimpmobiles of the water with massive stereos, fully sik interiors & noise to match. Wake boarding never occurs. Cruisin & flexin are the most popular disciplines displayed. Oh & attempting to drown the girlfriend on the biscuit.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The only off-roading they’ll be doing is mounting the kerb to sit inside their beached whales to watch their sprogs duke it out during school soccer at their private school’s playing fields.

On the other hand, if you want both serious off-road capability and towing prowess, seek out a Toyota 70 series Land Cruiser, the only variant to earn the name…these are no-frills, vinyl-upholstered, part-time 4WD manual-only workhorses that go absolutely anywhere and sort the real four-by fans from the fey posers in them Toorak Tractors. And by the way, the 4.5 L V8 turbodiesel uses considerably less fuel than the 4.7 L petrol V8, something like 4 L/100 km less, and is the staple motor in the 70 series. In addition to having a 3.5 tonne braked towing capacity, they lug around nearly 500 kg less than the 200 series, thus are far less complex and more economical, relatively speaking.

15 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Point of order, why do Porsche make the ugliest cars on the road. Cayeene, Panamera, Boxster, Cayman, need I go on.

15 02 2011
Mick

In defense of the good people at Porsche, the 911 is the one car that I have promised myself that I shall own before I die. I’ve been in love with them ever since I had the poster of a SC coupe on my wall as a kid.

This may make me bogan, but I can live with that. And the pleasure of a 911 makes it easier to deal with.

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

If Porche were a family, the Cayenne would be the red-headed bastard stepchild.

15 02 2011
James Hunter

TBB,
Look and you will find one in most families

15 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I respect the 911 but I don’t want one. The Lamborghini is the car of desire IMHO. Or a Veyron…

15 02 2011
Pendant

It’s the Lexus LF-A that does it for me. I’d be happy to settle for an IS F though, at least that’s in the realm of possibility.

15 02 2011
V'visexxxion

I want a Delorean.

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

with or without flux-capacitor and time-travel abilities?

15 02 2011
v'visexxx!on

Well, using the bogan anti-vaccine lobby style of logic, it’s obvious that time travel causes Parkinson’s disease, so I’ll opt for the regular version.

15 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Ah Porsche, just a flattened VW Beetle with the same platform of design for 70 years…and that includes the Cayenne!

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The Cayman is about as close to a Porsche as I’d like, for they are closer to the ethos of light and nimble as the old ones, whereas the current 911s are bloated conveyances still as preferred by yuppie scum stockbrokers (the less successful or aged ones plump for the Boxster roadsters). I don’t mind its slightly odd stance, for I find them strangely attractive as I do the BMW Z3 coupé (the rare hardtop version of the standard convertible).

Don’t get me stared on the Panamera or the Cayenne…not only are they max fugly, they have no resemblance to the spirit of what a Porsche should be.

15 02 2011
martin

As far as 4WDs go I don’t mind the cayenne so much. It has the least amount of “f$ck you I want to murder your children” about it to me. Those massive range rovers are the most offensive to me because they are quite substantially bigger, the front of them is massive and straight and square giving a pedestrian f$ck all chance in a collision. The BMWs and all the others somewhere inbetween. The other day there was some rinsed out pretentious c%nt of a soccer mum parked down at my local shops with one, I gave her a filthy look and she went “pffft”, or “ergh”, or some such in response. I’ve noticed it’s a little skill that the yuppies have. To be able to go “pffft” or “ergh” in a manner that is quite malicious and arresting. Maybe Kevin can enlighten us on that one.

I am the biggest libtard in the world regarding 4WDs. Tax the living f$ck out of them I say, and no tax if one has a farm or a property big enough for a horse.

As for my dream car I’ll have a BMW 335. It’s got guts, about 250kw or so, it’s not too ostentatious like a 5 series and it’s practical. Otherwise the Jag XK or XF or whatever it is.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The Volvo XC90 is perhaps the most sensible (in relative terms, of course) of the Toorak Tractors, given both its high level of pedestrian and occupant safety.

But I agree with martin about choosing an elegant car-based version of a luxury marque…for mine, it’d be either an Audi RS6 Avant, for the sheer perversion of having a superlative supercar drivetrain pinned to a station wagon form amongst the other that marque’s other virtues (exterior is subtle enough for only trainspotters to know what this Q-car actually is), or similarly perverse but more enviro-minded, an Audi (there’s a pattern here, I think…) A8L with a 3.0 L turbodiesel V6; an airport lounge on wheels of which has more than enough grunt (186 kW/550 Nm), but has a combined fuel consumption of only 6.7 L/100 km, which puts most small cars to shame (even the stonkin’ 4.2 L TDI V8 only uses 7.8 L/100 km, still less than my Mazda 3 SP23!).

A plutocrat luxo-barge with a social conscience that runs on tractor juice is almost as fücked-up as a supercar family wagon (or even a 1000 Nm V12 diesel stump-pulling torque-monster of an SUV, though it’d rate stone motherless last on the list of favourite Audis, though the 11.3 L/100 km economy is commendable), and they’re part of the reason I love the Four Rings of Ingolstadt.

16 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

Oi Simon, the Boxster is a thing of beauty. Cayenne and Panamera, on the other hand…the Cayenne is the fat ugly sister, and the Panamera is the insecure middle child who got too much plastic surgery and looks worse for it.

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

Boxster, HaHaHa, nice try there Ash but I am on to your jokes.

16 02 2011
chris

You guys can stick your Boxters and nancy-boy Cayennes.
I wants me one of these:
http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http://gaz20.spb.ru/modif_m72.htm&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&sl=ru

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Snarling, bad attitude, chain smoking CuB who lives a few doors up from the house I just moved out of likes to churn his cars over fairly quickly. What they all have in common is a V8 engine and the same aftermarket 22″ wheels with licorice straps for tyres. Previously there have been M3 and 5 series BMW’s. Current rides are a Cayenne and an SSV Holden ute (which finally got its Chev badges only 2 weeks ago!). He’s also got a 200decibel Harley which he likes to ride up and down the street 17 times before putting it away, just to annoy the neighbours. The guy is a knob. Love thy neighbour? Me thinks not. Thank God I moved…

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

That’s quite a lot of $$ in vehicles. Do you know what he does for a crust?

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

He owns a cafe in the food mall at Knifepoint shopping centre. I only know this because his opened mail and bank statements have ended up flying around my front yard on several occasions during the time he moved out of his house to fully renovate it. I reckon someone might have been stealing his mail for identity theft reasons and then throwing it over my fence.

The cars must all be leased and most probably through his business. Funny thing is one business bank statement I saw had no money in it and he was actually transferring money from a personal account into it.

He would regularly go to his house to check on the progress of the reno’s and the same week I saw the new Cayenne for the first time, I found in my front yard a final demand notice from a kitchen applicance supplier. They were threatening legal action if he didn’t settle the $10K debt that was 6 months overdue.

Cashed up…nah, all on tick!

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

Good Lord. What a mess.

14 02 2011
p'bee

there’s an enormous fountain in the front yard of a house near me – it’s almost the height of a single storey house. it looks completely ridiculous and completely incongruous in a largely bogue-free suburb.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

My in-laws live in the NAB heartland of Morisset Park, on the way to newcastle. Their NAB neighbour’s monolith of a house takes up so much of the block, that there’s no useable lawn left. Instead, they have a padded floor in the garage and the kids play in there. They’re also planning to shoehorn a pool/spa in somewhere.

14 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

In addition to NIMBY, I’ve found another acronym that’s quite suitable:

BANANA: Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything (or Anyone)

14 02 2011
Vviv2

Personally Kev, I think you may be missing the fact that boganism is a state of mind (?) rather than something that’s based solely on income. Many bogan’s are extremely well off, but they still shine the bogan light at a huge amount of wattage…..

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

In fact the more well off the more they can afford the power for the light.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Perhaps, but there are certainly no bogans in my suburb.

14 02 2011
Legless on Thalidomide

Willie Mason is your posterchild, is he not Kev?

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Who is this “Willie Mason” that you speak of? While I believe that the Ingelby-Smythe’s next door may be Masons, I certainly do not know anyone named “Willie”.

14 02 2011
Legless on Thalidomide

Used to frequent your lovely “unspoilt” area. He’s a serial knobhead and wall-pisser.

14 02 2011
martin

Most rich areas are filled with conceited inbred mongs because the only people who can afford to live in them are trust fund kiddies and those that get their jobs where they don’t do any work within the old boys club.

Oh, and overpaid bogan sports people like Willie Mason.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Thankfully, I never had to make his acquaintance. Times are a changin’, as Mr Dylan so eloquently put it, even in suburbs such as mine. Nowadays any fool who can kick a rugby ball can afford to live in my suburb. It is a bother, but what to do?

14 02 2011
martin

You sound like a big poofter neo con spiv Kevin. That makes you a bogan.

14 02 2011
Kevin of Double Bay

Ahem, let me break down the fallacies of this statement that go beyond the childish and insulting tone.

Poofter – I can assure you that my wife Prudence would disagree with this assesment.

Neo con – Hardly. I do not support the Bush Doctrine, nor do I believe in the hegemony of anyone other than the ruling and moneyed classes. This is not a distinction limited to a particular nation or ethnic group.

Spiv – I am unaware of what exactly this term means, so I will simply assume that it is some form of derisive insult. I do not pay attention to name-calling from lesser people.

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Kevin,
A person of your breading and sheltered existance most likley would not recognise one unless you had it pointed out to you while passing through Kings Cross on your way to your stock broker to pick up you dividend cheque from “A Touch Of Class”?

14 02 2011
Pandabater

Don’t feed the troll.

15 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Maybe he’s genuinely better than us, just like Fi of Toorak! The random circumstance of one’s birth is obviously a determining factor of one’s worth to these people, because it’s all they’ve got, not having achieved anything on their own.

15 02 2011
Pandabater

Even a rudimentary google search will reveal much.
Apparently “Kevin” has an Facebook Apreciation Group.
Fi does it much better, the alleged “Kevin” is just
an arrogant pr!ck.

15 02 2011
GoldCoaster

I agree. Fi has wit.

15 02 2011
Legless on Thalidomide

With that logic, one would hazard a guess that Kevin and bogans have a lot more in common than he originally thought.

Kevin = Bogan name.
Double Bay = Bogan paradise.

It makes sense.

14 02 2011
Mick

The average bogan thinks that it is well off even though it’s 2 mil worth of property corresponds with 1.9 mil of debt.

I call it soon to be bankrupt.

14 02 2011
p'bee

i love the phrase about shining the bogan light with huge wattage. i may just steal that.

15 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

I do too p’bee, but they missed out on a great opportunity to use “MaXXXtreme” instead of huge…

14 02 2011
bruce tyler

This post simultaneously made and ruined my day. My cynicism is way too easily encouraged as it is..

14 02 2011
shakPower

It certainly loves ‘expanding’ its wild parties to other people’s backyards. The bogan teens are the worst of the lot. The hardest part is to find a place to live where you wont find any bogans,,,,,
still remember that corey kid who just wont take off his shades or say sorry for the mayhem he caused, needs to be punished i say… they all do… spare the rod spoil the child!

14 02 2011
James Hunter

Shack Power,
You realise that a cuff round the ears wont do it any more? They need a cuff round each wrist ! Probably each ankle as well.

14 02 2011
shakPower

Yes i’m afraid your right.. Maybe we can lock them all up in a zoo titled ‘Bogan zoo’ so the rest of the world can view and do research on them…

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Isn’t that Melbourne?

14 02 2011
James Hunter

9,8,9,6,9, straight to the centre podium. Pause for Australian Anthem

14 02 2011
shakPower

aaawww dude! i was hoping to move to melbourne as queensland seems to be full of bogans. i might as well give up hope of every living bogan free…..

14 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Have to find a non-bogan enclave. They do exist, in my experience, in both Melbourne and Perth, but you cannot help the odd bod wandering who thinks they can have some of the cachet rub onto them.

But worry not, for they realise that once the novelty wears off, being the dilettantes they are they’ll meander back to the safety of their undifferentiated sprawls and put it down as being lost for a brief while, slagging off the regular habitués while they’re at at it as “out of touch [insert bogan pejorative term as applicable]”.

14 02 2011
shakPower

ah a beacon of light! so there is hope. time to put down the vodka bottle and find me some non-bogan enclave.

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

No place is totally bogan free, even the expensive places. Bogans will infiltrate and ruin every area. Brighton (Melb) is an expensive and exclusive suburb, but Shane Warne lives there, therefore ruined. Toorak (sorry Fiona) has also got bogan residents with Eddie McGuire and the Fox family. Also the likes of Lillian Frank don’t help the place, who (IMHO) really is trash with money and her ‘style’ is often copied by wannabe nouveau rich from suburbs like Moorabbin who like to get big hair-do’s and wear noice leopard print clothes… Uuuuurrrrggghhhhh!!!

Even when the bogans don’t live in an exlusive suburb, they travel there for entertainment purposes and ruin the place by fighting, vomiting on footpaths and their loutish behaviour. Just look at Toc-H in Toorak Village and Chapel St.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

At least with those areas that have a low bogan quotient, you are more likely to find kindred souls on a similar wavelength in your daily interactions, in spite of the odd bogan lost soul wandering aimlessly about, for they are the aberration. One can take refuge that they are the minority, thus rendering those areas (not always blue-rinse or old-money, but also the inner areas that haven’t got cachet but remain largely tasteful) as relative enclaves.

On the other hand, if I, for example, moved to somewhere along the northern coastal suburbs of Perth like Joondalup or Clarkson, I’d be the stranger who doesn’t quite fit within their moulds and be laughed at (if not met with outright hostility, as it the bogan’s wont) for my attitudes, style and deportment.

15 02 2011
Shoulder Chip

Couldn’t that be – spare the child and spoil the rod?

14 02 2011
urbanreverie

Another excellent expose of the hypocrisy of the modern Boganicus Rex, TBL.

BTW, something that occurred to me the other week during one of my thankfully infrequent journeys to the outer suburbs – I realised just how loud everything is in Boganland.

You’d expect inner cities to be louder, with their greater population density, buses every few minutes and commercial properties in close proximity to residential areas. But no.

Bogans don’t talk to each other, they SCREAM at each other in the fast food joints and the shopping centres. Bogans aren’t happy with merely driving, they have to drive in the noisiest way they can with aftermarket exhausts and squealing rubber. They can’t listen to music at a civilised volume; the whole neighbourhood has to hear their tastes in Nickelback or Blink 182. And walking down one of these McMansion streets, every house has an air conditioner buzzing away, leading to the aural illusion that there is a swarm of particularly angry wasps lurking somewhere just waiting to sting the living daylights out of you.

Yet they then claim that (insert controversial development here) will ruin the amenity and character and peace-and-quiet of their wasteland? Puhleeze.

14 02 2011
shakPower

HAHA well said indeed. the bogan has to make sure everyone round them knows and acknowledges its existence , positively or otherwise…

So no bogans where you live huh? Where is it dude, i need to get my ass over there asap!

14 02 2011
urbanreverie

Well, I wouldn’t say where I live has NO bogans at all. I live in an (on average) affluent area at the edge of the inner city. Many of the people are too stuck up and insular to get to know their neighbours, and there’s no place where you can socialise over a coffee or a beer or get stuck into some community-minded activity.

There are a lot of spiv-like creatures too who could be classed as borderline bogans of the more sophistimacated type ‘n that – real estate agents with pointy sideburns and lime green ties driving SAAB convertibles; self-made female gym bunnies who have a massive chip on their shoulder and treat customer service staff in the local businesses like crap whenever something doesn’t go their way. People like that.

There are some old-school bogans; middle-aged unemployed alcoholics who have a long-standing agreement to rent a room under their landlord’s house at an affordable rate (as long as they do the lawns and keep their drinking to themselves and don’t cause trouble), or four young unmarried labourers who pool their resources together and rent a four-bedroom house which becomes Empty Beer Can Central, with a whole lot of paspalum and uncollected rain-damaged junk mail thrown in for good measure. Of course as rents increase and tenants’ databases become more strict and comprehensive, these people are becoming less common.

But still, compared to the vile cesspit of bigotry and hatred of the truly bogan-dominated outer suburbs, I’ll take this place any day. It’s such a shame that the inner cities of Australia have become so thoroughly wankerised over the past couple of decades. But still far better than the McMansion wastelands.

15 02 2011
shakPower

HAHA ‘wankerised’ . classic stuff

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

That sounds like my neck of the woods, Morley…once a new middle-class whitebread suburb in the 50s and 60s, is now a melting pot of various middling types of different persuasions (including some bogans of all stripes) who can live without all the thin veneer of bling that new outer suburbs possess and realise the benefits of living somewhere relatively inexpensive within under 10 km from the CBD, which means both a shorter commute to the city (15 mins off-peak, under 30 min in peak hour, ride in 40 or walk in 90) and being in easy distance of the more hip (and hipster-infested) inner city areas that make up the Beaufort Street strip, better known as Teh Arrondissement in The Worst Of Perth.

Mind you, drive North or East of this suburb and you’ll be met with the ferals and OSBs of Beechboro and Kiara. So I suppose Morley is the nether land that isn’t quite hip, but isn’t totally stupid either.

16 02 2011
Mr Q

Well maybe, but given Westfield Galleria in Morley is like the bogan equivalent of a mosquito zapper (without alas the end result), I reckon you’ve got little chance of avoiding them in the area.

Though since I live in Innaloo, and thus halfway between the insanity that is the Karrinyup shopping center and the slightly lesser insanity of the Ikea car park, I know the pain.

16 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

At least the bogans at The Gonorrhoea don’t tend to “aspirate to be effluent” to nearly the same extent as the CUB and NaB scum that putrefy the consumption wastelands of Hateside Joondalup and Worstfelt Whitfords Sh¡tty.

Wall-to-wall philistinism on display at those malls.

14 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Nickelback and Blink 182? You sure? None of the bogues in my clique (lol) listen to that sort of stuff. Strictly top 20 for all of them.

16 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

Nickelback is pretty much top 20. Blink, not so much, and I’m not just saying that because I like them. 10 years ago, maybe.

14 02 2011
Pandabater

Simon quick, your prayers have been answered.
You & Shirl get started straight away.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8210872/chilean-miners-smoked-cannabis-underground

14 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

However, according to the book the greatest desire of the trapped men was sexual, with the miners requesting blow-up sex dolls be sent down for relief.

Dr Jean Romagnoli, who helped look after the health of the miners while they awaited rescue, said he turned down an offer from a donor offering ten inflatable dolls for the miners.

He said he was concerned that sharing the dolls would lead to jealousy amongst the 33 men.

See truth is stranger than fiction. We never thought of dolls!
Strangely no mention of Tunnel Kunt in the article. Obviously an oversight.

14 02 2011
Vviv2

Were the dolls male or female?

15 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I would think Antonio Banderas blowup dolls would be the most appropriate.

15 02 2011
James Hunter

Probably Bi to make them go further.
Remember they have had to squeeze them through a long hole to get them there .

15 02 2011
Pendant

Just watched Mediawatch, finally got to see the fuss about Shane’s Love Nest and “shit happens”. Sometimes I really wonder

15 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Yeah, I watched it on iView. The classic was the newspaper using a picture of rail line to compliment a letter emphasising the importance of rail transportation. Bit of a problem when it was taken from the entrance of Auschwitz…

15 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I love that show! I’m so glad it’s back, and with Jonathan Holmes – funny bugger he is.
I haven’t watched last night’s yet but it sounds like a good one, as usual!

15 02 2011
chris

The Talking Pictures segment on Insiders did a great treatment of Shithappensgate.
http://www.abc.net.au/insiders/content/2011/s3137451.htm

15 02 2011
daniel green

yesterday was valentines day.
I cant believe the topic wasnt valentines day … so much could be said about $100 a bunch roses, tiffanys and the rest.

15 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Maybe bogans don’t like valentine’s day?? I find that hard to believe – she wants the roses and the Tiffanies, and he’s hoping to get some in return. Very bogan.

16 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

She’d probably ask about having breakfast at Tiffany’s too…my girlfriend’s aunt made that mistake when she said she was going to New York on some voyage of self discovery…probably should have self discovered the book/film first rather than rely on some 90s one hit wonder as a reference guide:

The 90s: equal parts awesomeness and shite…

15 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Thought I’d buy the wife a rose for Valentines Day whilst on the way home from work. The florist at Southern Cross station had 6 short stem red roses with small buds for $77! They weren’t even a nice bunch with all the extra sh1t (more green stuff and those tiny little white flower things you normally get to pad out the bunch), just 6 small plain roses in celophane. There was another bunch of larger roses for $110. I couldn’t believe it. The guy out the front was spruiking and had a bucket of single roses for $10. “You gotta be kidding, $77 for that!” I said.
“Yeah, it’s Valentines Day! The one day of the year we can charge that. Would you like to buy them for your girlfriend” he replied.
“Mate,” I said, “I am going be f*cked tonight and I can tell you it’s not going to be by you!”

15 02 2011
i hate the hills district (Sydney)

Great post but you give the bogans too much credit. They own macmansions but very few actually smartly invest. Most have everything risklily tied to their big house that they use to look rich and impress the Joneses and have two or three credit cards maxed out. (and of course working two or three jobs and being exhausted to play this charade) Then, in turn they’ll laugh at uni educated doctors, lawyers etc. who live in “little terrace houses in Paddington and Bondi” and how they just did an “apprenticeship” and live in a “big house in Kellyville/Bella Vista” etc. Well when the GFC happened and interest rates went up i began to wonder who was laughing then…the “tradie” in the Hills District…or the uni educated person in Bondi whose property was increasing in value and who also had diversified investments. Food for thought for these NABs.

15 02 2011
James Hunter

IHHD,
Interesting thing though is that the actual disposable income is almost certainly higher in the Tradie Suburbs. The Aspirationals that live in the expensive house in the exclusive burb with kids in private schools and two benzes in the drive way are usually mortguaged to the hilt and live on maxed out credit cards. Fact. Marketing surveys of disposable income show places like Blacktown can out spend Double Pay hands down.

15 02 2011
Vviv2

LMAO!! Don’t tell Kev!!!

15 02 2011
James Hunter

Kevs a wannabee. Fi though always makes me think of Oscar Wildes words “Wit contains an element of truth.Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.” She is good.
Kev, reminds me of something else the great scribe said that Kev would do well to ponder. “The only person that you have to spend the rest of your life with is yourself”
ROFL

21 08 2013
Anywhere but northwest sydney

Not true. There is no survey which shows such a thing. You’re obviously another hills district bogan trying to convince us that you’re smart and successful. As always, those efforts are pathetic and futile. Just embrace your inner mediocrity. Let the truth set you free.

15 02 2011
martin

I’m not anti McMansion myself. They’re just bigger and better versions of cookie cutter homes most of us grew up in. Personally I’d rather something bigger out of the city than some pissy terrace closer in. I mean I’d rather live closer to the city but you need at least a couple of million for anything of a decent size. So for your standard middle class price, or what is considered as such these days, about $400k-$800k, give me a mcmansion.

Libtards think something like this is better than a mcmansion. Which I think is silly.

http://news.domain.com.au/domain/real-estate-news/renovators-hit-the-jackpot-20110214-1at82.html

It’s tiny and it’s about a million years old. You’re closer to the city and it’ll be easier to find someone to talk about nietzsche with. It’s probably a quicker drive to get onto the set of Q&A and have a self righteous spew about “global warming” and “climate change” and how with carbon pricing we can make a 1.4% difference to it whilst endangering our economy and forcing pensioners to go without electricity.

15 02 2011
martin

Anyway, if you libtards weren’t such a bunch of pussies we could have nuclear power. France does. And I know libtards love France.

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

LMAO. What a shithole. You could buy a 3/4 beddy in the western suburbs for less. It would also have somewhere to park your car.

15 02 2011
AlyssaKT

there are many reasons to loathe McMansions, and they’ve all been covered here on TBL.
However, those terrace type homes are ridiculous. I have seen some nice ones, but overall they make no sense.
Antiquated designs from the mother country.

15 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I’m, architecturally speaking, a Modernist, for I believe form should follow function and that it is better to build something that is best suited to both the environment it is set in and to the needs of the household. I appreciate the aesthetic value of fittings and fixtures that are not superfluous, for there is beauty and elegance in simplicity and economy; unnecessary ornamentation is pointless to me.

@ martin: I can understand the allure of having a bigger and newer home for a lesser cost, thus outer suburbs exist. Yet the most pertinent compromise for many is the hideous commuting time, which is one of the lesser-mentioned hidden costs, both in time and money.

But if that is a compromise you can accommodate, then for God’s sake, if you must build a McMansion, build one that is reasonably resource efficient, for that’s where much of the vitriol towards them lies, as the ones in question with dark roofs and no eaves that require whole-house reverse-cycle air-con are really not suited to anywhere on the Australian mainland. So build something that has good insulation, shade and reflective qualities using sound solar passive principles…your putative neighbours may get peeved at your lack of compliance with the prevailing Tuscanstrosity or faux-Georgian look, but you’ll have half their energy bill and a house that won’t look so ersatz ten or fifteen years down the line.

16 02 2011
Linda

650K for that?

15 02 2011
Me

After seeing the atoll pic and the opening about the bogan wanting the results of its own behaviour to be housed elsewhere, I was sure there was going to be at least some mention of offshore detention centres.

15 02 2011
p'bee

i spent last week in new zealand, and fortunately barely encountered anything bogan. other than personalised numberplates. they love them over there. among those i saw were ‘over 40’, ‘utmptd’, ‘sexy 1’, ‘chaotc’, and ‘mxmadd’, as well as lots with the person’s name or job. there were others but i didn’t always have a pen and paper to write it down. i did overhear one fantastic comment from a stumbling drunk femeebogue, though – she said (while being helped to walk by her friend outside one of the pubs in wellington) ‘if i vomit it’s because the place disgusts me’. i thought it was a hilarious rationalisation of her obvious drunkenness.

15 02 2011
AlyssaKT

haha
” ‘if i vomit it’s because the place disgusts me’ ”
that’s a great excuse!

I’ve encountered many Kiwis with such fun senses of humour. All here.

15 02 2011
chris

Damn. I’ve based my opinion on NZ largely on those cheesy “Worlds Naughtiest Drivers Caught on Tape” shows that Nein pump out. So, what you’re saying, pb, is that they may be playing a bit fast and loose with the truth? Say it ain’t so.

15 02 2011
p'bee

my lack of exposure to the nz bogan owed a lot to the fact i was there for a conference in wellington, so didn’t spend so much time with the general populace.

16 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

p’bee – I lived in Auckland for a year. While bogan behaviour isn’t as widespread there as it is here (bogans there are still of the old school variety) it’s spreading. Auckland’s North Shore is fast beginning to rival west Sydney when it comes to McMansion belts.

15 02 2011
Pandabater

A work colleague has started The Lemon Detox thingy.

Friends I tellya I have been reborn. Let me explain what we are missing out on.

Experience is the mother of science

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

Lol. A girl at work did that a few months ago. She ended up having to take the week off and she said it was mandatory to be in close proximity to a toilet at all times.

15 02 2011
Pandabater

Oops, hit the wrong button,

Experience is the mother of science

“During the lemon detox diet program, sensitivity towards your surroundings may also increase.
Make the most of these new horizons that will open up to you. Many people in the first days of the detox program open their minds and take pleasure in classical or religious music; spontaneously they discover the beauty of nature, peace with oneself and the rest of the universe, self-confidence, and the pleasure of being alive. It is these moments that problems often lose their importance and a new intuitive perception can become a way towards internal freedom.”

Or hunger induced delirium, which ever you like.

15 02 2011
The Bogan from Berra

Well, sounds as though maple syrup, cayenne pepper, lemon juice and salty water combine to give the effect of last year’s designer drug.

15 02 2011
Pandabater

And thats only page 17, the book would have to be 120 pages. You probably come out at the end a Scientologist.

15 02 2011
AlyssaKT

a friend of mine attempted that diet last year, roping her husband in with her… despite his physically and mentally demanding profession as a senior police officer!
She was outraged at me for sending her a doctor’s article about the negatives.
They lasted 20 hours.
I asked if half of that time was sleep and got no response.
haha

15 02 2011
chris

Yup. Gotta love the holier-than-thou religious zealotry that comes over these sad cases whenever they get into a new fad.

15 02 2011
AlyssaKT

yes, because she’s thinner than me I evidently have no idea about what is healthy and what is not. Ha! What a joke.

15 02 2011
James Hunter

Alyssa,
Rember to tell her that people who get sic, like seriously sick dont last long if they are realy thin to start with.a standard height woman should be a size 12 to 16. size 10 is minimum and size 8 borderline. Size 6 is clutching at straws !!
Any one wants to argue refer them to Ruben. His works feature Real Women.

15 02 2011
p'bee

please never use the term ‘real women’. it belongs in the trash media kraken and on aca/tt only and is a completely insulting term.

15 02 2011
James Hunter

Unreal !

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Normal women then.

17 02 2011
p'bee

what does ‘normal’ mean? it’s just as much of a veiled judgement as ‘real women’. sorry, but this is something that really pisses me off. i’m built like a 12 year old, but that doesn’t mean i’m not ‘real’ or am ‘abnormal’.

17 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Good point. Women come in many shapes and sizes. The problem is that only the thinnest are recognised in the media as attractive. Anyone size 12 or above is always touted as “loving (their) curves” – until they lose heaps of weight and have a “sexy new body”. That shits me.

17 02 2011
James Hunter

Pee Bee,
Well well, what a conundrum. How to refer to women in the presence of a women that has an immage problem.
How about “Women that any man would find attractive” ?

17 02 2011
p'bee

excuse me james? what the hell! an ‘image problem’ simply because i point out that the term ‘real women’ is insulting to all women? and yay for you for having a go at the attractiveness of women simply for wearing what you deem to be a too small dress size.
i don’t have an image problem, and i don’t have an unhealthy body shape. take your pathetic judgements elsewhere.

17 02 2011
James Hunter

PeeBee,
Asside from the Question of what gives you the right to comment on behalf of all women I have to point out that at no time have I critised women for wearing too small a dress size. Only for having scraney gulag type bodies to put in the small dress. Totally differrent thing.
Am realy glad to see that you take yourself so seriously. Wonder how many others do ?

17 02 2011
p'bee

why are you so vehemently anti anyone happening to be thin? i mean really? the reason the ‘real women’ term is insulting to all women is it is deliberately exclusionary to those deemed ‘too thin’ (and ‘too fat’) and it’s also quite a patronising term. the whole purpose of it is to make one group feel better by putting another down – in so doing it insults everyone.
and thanks for that ‘gulag bodies’ comment, that’s just charming.

17 02 2011
martin

Kylie Minoque is a size 4 or something. She looks great.

Anyway I think James is talking about those catwalk models who are like 6 foot and 40kg or some shit. That’s not right.

17 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I am with P’bee on this. Real or normal is bullcrap. Try healthy instead. My wife is a 6, very fit and totally appropriate for her. Too fat or skinny is something else and applies equally to dudes as dudettes.

17 02 2011
Pandabater

Since we haven’t heard from devils advocate for a while I will jump into the lions den. (Stop you fool)
There are a hundred words for describing all people big, small or whatever.
p’bee you say you are built like a 12 year old. 12 year olds can be any shape or height.
I can only assume when you say you are built like a 12 year old you mean you are
short & thin for someone of your age, but if you are the right weight for your height
then I reckon you would be considered normal. I don’t think it’s an insult. I am about 15 kg over normal.
Normal is my goal.
James, Real Women is a marketing term & is used to sell sh!t. It should not be used to describe anyone.

Peace 🙂

17 02 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
You are a voice of sanity and reason !
Exactly what I have been saying Thank You.
If Pee Bee would get of her high horse she may see the wood in the forest.
Gulag bodies is an apt and accurate description of the emaciated catwalk models that Simon refers to. PB please remove the scales from your eyes and look at the “Models” that are held up as examplars for women. They are disgusting. Not all of them but certainly many of them and many people view them like Martin and I do. .

15 02 2011
Will S

TBL’s Law

every time there’s a new blog post, I will immediately notice whatever the Thing of the day is in the world somewhere

http://www.portstephensexaminer.com.au/news/local/news/general/corlette-residents-protest-at-telstra-tower-plan/2064817.aspx

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

anyway.
this seems like an appropriate forum.
we are seeking feedback on a potential baby name.
it’s a bit “classic” and has strong family connections.
Molly Rose
anyone?

16 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Oh that is a sweet name 🙂

But won’t you consider changing the spelling to Mo’lee Rowz? 😉

16 02 2011
martin

Lose the Rose. Molly is ok. Unless the Rose is just a middle name. If I had to call someone Molly Rose it would piss me off.

16 02 2011
AlyssaKT

It’s not hyphenated so I should think it’s not Molly-Rose. Hyphenated names are pretty bogan – and annoying, like Martin said.

16 02 2011
martin

Neither is Ruby Rose. She’s one of the most annoying lesbogans in the entire world.

I think Rose is pretty pretentious, unless it’s for an Italian girl.

16 02 2011
AlyssaKT

but Ruby Langenheim didn’t have quite the same ring about it

16 02 2011
martin

So she should have stayed out of showbiz so that she wouldn’t annoy me. I prefer langenheim. It goes well with her being the tool that she is.

16 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I thought this was sorted. Nimrod Gympie Bloodfart-FockeWitte!

Are you having second thoughts on this?

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I like the idea of boganising the spelling.
Rose is a middle name, not hyphenated. they’re the Nanna’s names.
MaxXxtreme brownie points. 😀
Mo’Leighya R-o’s Nimrod Gympie Blood-Focke.

ooh sounds like a celebrity!

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

Good work, see we are useful here Hundred.

What do you think of Contador being cleared overnight?

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I rest my faith in science Simon.

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I do personally believe that whatever makes it easier to get your pushie up the hill is all good.
poor buggers

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

I use DHEA, ok with a script but busted if you test without consent! I have a good reason though, it just brings me up to normal levels.

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

Also I would really love to think he is telling the truth. Our sport has been tarnished for too long by cheats but at least we find them and punish them unlike sports like baseball which cover up and put them in the Hall of Fame.

16 02 2011
chris

Simple fix. Make the pro team’s DS accountable. If a rider in your squad tests positive then both you and the rider get a 6-month ban. See how quickly the likes of Riis and Bruyneel get their house in order if they are held to account

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

Hard on the DS when a rogue rider does it without their knowledge, punishes the whole team. Look at that Ricco d*ckhead, hard to hold other people accountable for that sort of behaviour. Just keep testing and punishing. I think they are getting on top of it but someone is always going to try it on.

16 02 2011
chris

Agreed, Cookie; it would be hard on the first few who were caught and punished. Harder still on the subsequent ones too stupid to get the message. I love the sport, more from the armchair these days, but you can’t deny there is a long history of institutionalised cheating that extends beyond rogue individuals. Anything that gets the team directors on the case and the riders looking out for their teammates and policing each other is worth a go, imho.

17 02 2011
Spoonman

See, clenbuterol is one thing, but it was the plasticisers in the blood that bothered me – implies he’s been tranfusing his own blood back in (like Ricco almost killed himself doing recently). Smacks of Spanish governmental interference if you ask me.

17 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Agree with the interference. The plastic has not been mentioned recently. Was this cleared up? I believe the blood levels were all normal, densities etc so no evidence of transfusion that way.

16 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

CHARLIE SHEEN UPDATE:

Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre makes a statement about his leading man in his signature vanity card last night (you know, that text that comes on screen after the show has finished that takes way too long to read in 2 seconds).

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #329

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.
<>

http://chucklorre.com/index.php?p=329

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

I’m praying for an overdose. F*ck Charlie, me love cookies!

16 02 2011
martin

Can you OD on cocaine? I’ve never had coke. I’m too much of a bogan pleb.

16 02 2011
16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

Yep, could happen.

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

gives you a heart attack. I heard.
chance would be a nice thing,
I wouldn’t mind trying for a mild arrhythmia…

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

oops sorry. didn’t see that link akt.
anyway I was rite.

ever seen ppl do that vibrating jaw thing on coke?
it has a name…

16 02 2011
AlyssaKT

happens with most “party” drugs.

It’s called “obvious”

16 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

@chubby

Bruxism, which is medical jargon for grinding teeth.

16 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot
16 02 2011
chris

Vanity Card? End credits? you mean the stuff that the idiot commercial networks scrunch into the bottom 1/5th of your screen so they can tout the upcoming season’s hit “So you biggest losers think you can morris dance”?

16 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Yes.

16 02 2011
Pendant

Nice find. I think the subsequent card is more telling though:

He felt dead inside.

No matter how hard he partied, he could never escape that simple fact – inside, dead.

And that was his life.

Running from a feeling.

At least until he could run no more.

Exhausted, spent and beaten, when the end finally came, he welcomed it.

With life ebbing from his wasted body, he was suddenly swept up in a transcendent state of joy that was pure and complete.

Moments later he felt dead inside.

16 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

Ah yes, one of the most annoying bogan traits right here.

For some reason, quoting Mike Patton in Epic seems appropriate – “You want it all but you can’t have it; It’s in your face but you can’t grab it.” The bogans want it all, but they don’t want it in their backyard, they don’t want to pay for it, they don’t want the guvmint to use their taxpayer dollars to pay for it…glass them all.

Guitar tutor stories of the past few days:
– Spent one whole lesson with Brayden 1 trying to teach him a G chord. Still wants to learn Sex on Fire and that “mad P!nk song”.
– Brayden 2 showing some potential – he’s already learnt G, D, A and C chords in two lessons. I’ve given him the job of finding the tabs he wants on the internet and trying to learn them himself – if he struggles I’ll help him, but he’s got a hint of talent.

16 02 2011
martin

Tell Brayden 1 to f$ck off and play guitar hero.

If Brayden 2 wants to waste his talent playing Nickelback, or anything like that, glass him and cut off some of his fingers.

17 02 2011
lolplates

Just like every other kid who learns the guitar, learn him some Metallica, Iron Maiden and NOFX.
Then start him on the Jazz music, he’ll quickly learn that Jazz is awesome but playing in a hardcore band gets you ‘places’ (pants of similar aged females) in highschool.

16 02 2011
martin

Libtards can be nimbys too.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/residents-call-time-as-another-pub-planned-for-surry-hills-20110215-1av7w.html

Or at least bogans who take over libtard areas. Surry Hills is in the middle of the city, it was always a haven for night life and artsy people and shit. Now these bogan f$ckwits are expecting people to buy their sob story because omg, a pub has opened up. In the middle of the city, where there’s meant to be culture and shit.

Also, in Marrickville a proposal to build public housing has been met with a tonne of complaints from bogan mega mortgage scum.

16 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

they’re the NaBs who migrate to the inner-city areas, hoping that by having an abode in that part town (any capital, we’ve got Northbridge) will confer bragging rights.

When they realise that it isn’t just party-town for Friday and Saturday nights, they tire of the noise and commotion of an entertainment precinct, they expect peace and quiet the rest of the week…to those carping plods, I have zero sympathy for their plights and protestations; if you want to live in those sorts of areas, that’s a part of the deal.

16 02 2011
Cookie Monster

I think Libtards are probably more Nimby unless it is a new scented candle shop that is being built, then that is ok. Libtards hate development even though they want everyone to have a house.

16 02 2011
martin

I don’t think they’d be true libtards then. I think they’d be more like Chardonnay Bogans. Some sort of bogan who has a surface level interest in all things libtard but none of the conviction.

I mean look at that tosser in the picture. He’s done the classic bogan thing of hiding behind his child and using his child as some sort of holier than thou thing.

TBL #whatever – Hiding behind children.

16 02 2011
GoldCoaster

What is a Nimby?

16 02 2011
chris

Not In My Back Yard

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Oh yeah. Thanks!

16 02 2011
Pandabater

You can feel sorry for the oldie nimby sometimes, I know I wouldn’t be happy if a Matlock freeway was built over my house, but the newby nimby can get f^cked. Some dickhead moved next door to a mate who lives in a semi rural area & he was petitioning to do something about the noisy rooster up the road . He was lucky to get out of there with only swearing following him.

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

What…if you don’t like roosters, don’t move to semi-rural suburbs…what a nob.

17 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I agree – but why do people have roosters though? Are they chicken breeders?
I prefer my eggs unfertilised.

17 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Roosters make babies which grow up so you vcan eat them.

17 02 2011
Pandabater

The whole area is cut up into 25 acre blocks. So there are chickens, cows, horses, dogs, tractors you know all the stuff you get when you have a bit of land. I don’t know if the complainer was still there when the guy with his own helicopter moved in, gee I hope so, give him something to really whinge about. 🙂

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

I was loosely acquainted with this bogan about a decade ago, and he moved into one such area. His neighbours had a rooster, and he wanted to go shoot the thing because it crowed. I said, “What! It’s got a right to live and it’s not even your rooster, and it was there before you.”

Bogan, “I don’t care, it annoys me.”

Typical, in-depth, bogan reaction.

18 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Our neighbour complained to the body corporate about us having a dog. Not that the dog barks or anything, just that we have one. Meanwhile her daughter makes more noise than most dogs ever will and all her visitors park right in front of our bedroom window. Asshole.

17 02 2011
James Hunter

Most women I know prefer their eggs unfertilised !!! ?

17 02 2011
AlyssaKT

which is why I said it JH 😉
that’s the joke!

17 02 2011
James Hunter

Alyssa,See now youv made me take you seriously. bugger. Problem is I immediately thought of an aunt of mine who if given farm eggs always used to break them into a saucer to check that they were not fertilised! True. WTF difference. nothing happens till they are incubated but nope she’d throw half of em away.

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

there’s a lewd joke lurking there… something about cocks and your aunt not liking the taste… but I’ll leave it alone. haha

16 02 2011
AntiPajero

If we could entice them onto the other side of this fence, all their back yard problems would have no choice but to stay in their own backyards.

16 02 2011
Linda

Isn’t Valentines Day a boganista holiday? My facebook newsfeed was flooded with peoples “photos” on single cheap roses, choccies and a teddy bear. I’m disappointed that we did not have a TBL v-day addition.

17 02 2011
the beef

Another thing bogans like: uniting as one against anybody that should dare to speak out against knuckle-dragging misogynists (footy players), and the perils of footy culture. Especially in Melbourne!

17 02 2011
p'bee

another instalment of bogans on trains, but just a little short one. some graffiti in the carriage of the train i got home yesterday – seven hills crow. i’m guessing they meant crew, but i’m not discounting the possibility that there’s some fantastic crow in seven hills with its own fan club.

17 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Off the topic, but some bogans just got arrested at my work for stealing stuff from students. And get this, the one who’s shirt came off in the scuffle had an AUSSIE SWAZI tat!!

Too good not to share.

17 02 2011
p'bee

kill me now.

17 02 2011
Pandabater

Is that ironic?

17 02 2011
martin

Lol. Ita is a lady. Good on her I agree manners are too often ignored these days.

17 02 2011
Pandabater

Agree 110 %
But is it the right way to spread the message?
Will the target audience buy it?
Or tell it to get farked?

17 02 2011
martin

The rude people probably won’t see it nor care for it no. She’s bringing out a book.

I don’t see what’s wrong with a silly rap video.

17 02 2011
James Hunter

only as you infered, maybe not many of the target audeance will ever see it let alone listen to it.

17 02 2011
Pandabater

I had to put this up. When Jimmy used to sing.
Cold Chisel were fckn awesome.

This song is about prisoners worshiping Ita.
Her son is in prison for coke dealing.

Irony?

17 02 2011
martin
17 02 2011
Pandabater

I reckon in 10 & 1/2 years Aunty Ita will be looking pretty good. For Richard of course not for me.

18 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I think it’s terrible. So naff.

18 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Speaking of backyards, did anyone see the beat-up on ACA last night about the new Paul Fenech comedy “Housos”? ACA were claiming that it is a documentary poking fun at people in govvie housing. Idiots! I say it looks hilarious and i’ll definitely be tuning in.

18 02 2011
Victory

Remember when they wanted to build a Muslim school out at Camden NSW ?
All the Camden Bogans were out in force telling to “Go back to Lakemba” because “Camden didn’t want them” The Bogan achieved glorious victory over this matter.

19 02 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

I was with the bogans on this one, but I’m opposed to all forms of religious schools including Christian ones.

19 02 2011
i hate the hills district (sydney)

@James
Good response to my original post but I wasn’t just talking about disposable income. You were right about the families in exclusive suburbs but what i was referring to was the smart professionals/dinks etc (or even those with kids) in Paddington, Bondi, Balmain, etc. or are smeared because they live in a smaller house than “a tradie in the mortgage belt)” Those in the first group are way smarter.
1. A bigger house (whether in Bellvue Hill or Baulkhm Hills or Bella Vista or Blacktown) costs more to run in terms of power and time (cleaning etc.)
2. The first group are closer to the city and spend less time commuting or paying the toll or petrol…some may…gasp even walk or use public transport!
3. I don’t care how many “business parks” are built in the aspirational suburbs…even if not for work, the Hills crowd have to go into the CBD eventually and will have to pay for petrol and the tolls and pay with their time. btw i hate the implied thought in the term “aspirational” I can see be aspirational without having a 4WD, a mcmansion and being conservative.
4. The hills and outer suburbs and i assume their Melbourne equivalents are still Siberia. Infrastructure is lacking, services are hopeless and are catered mainly for people who drive.
5. And the houses are a very poor quality. They are rushed out and in 20-25 years will almost resemble ghetto housing.

21 02 2011
Michael Whyte

Great article. Keeping house prices up is like keeping planes up in the air. In a battlefield environ, controlling the air above it and making sure the fellas that lob things, don’t meet the fellas that fly things and that the fellas that fly things slowly don’t hit the ones going really fast. Alongside Arty, Tankie, Naval gun. Overseas Strategic: Making sure the flying thingies that dodge the critters trying to shoot them down don’t meet those critters nor each other. Domestic and Overseas tactical: What I do now but with pointy fast stuff. Served in all locales in Australia. All continents except Antarctica and South America. Two overseas attachments to foreign military, one NATO contractor gig, two ANSPs. Great life for a while (until you come home from time away and realise that your society has gone backwards, hijacked by greedy property ponzi bastards from the Zetaboards Australian Property Forum). Along the way I worked with many bright (geeky guy that wants to fix a holed runway) to dark (special forces and intel). All the while, house prices kept rising. Dammit! Cheers, Tinpusher.

2 03 2011
Jim

Australia is so backwards. Ten years behind North America on many things, and this is not exclusive to bogan activities (although that has a big influence on it).

15 03 2011
Victory

I grew up in Bringelly which is right next door to Badgerys Creek. I lived there from 1969-1982. In the late seventies the residents started to panic about the proposed airport being built at Badgerys Creek. “No Airport” signs were appearing on every telegraph pole and every weekend a rally or protest was being organised. Come 2011 there is still no airport but the threat is still there and the residents still panic about it.

15 03 2011
GoldCoaster

LOL at least it keeps them on their toes.

2 05 2011
David

It’s easy to judge people that live in the western suburbs of Sydney for opposing new infrastructure but, because the fringes of Sydney are less well established, they bear a disproportionate brunt of that kind of development.

I doubt you’d hear about a proposed nuclear reactor being planned for Chatswood or Lindfield on the north shore. There’s just no where to put it. The residents of those areas can be comfortable in the knowledge that they’d never be placed in that position.

Residents in the more affluent Moore Park complain about noise from the Sydney Cricket Ground where day-night cricket was first played 34 years ago.

Residents in inner Sydney complain about aircraft noise from an airport that’s been in existence since 1919.

26 05 2011
Alexander turnbull

also yuppies are worse, seriously in Redfern they have actually tried to destroy local institutions for low income (and often aboriginal) families, actually predate their residence by decades.

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