This week, partners in rage Tony Abbott and Matt Newton proved themselves to be far too intemperate to love, Eddie Maguire stated his distaste for Mediterranean cuisine, and AFFPM took a leaf out of Bob Hawke’s book, giving bogans a very real Prime Ministerial Tear. In news most titillating to the bogan, a certain “sexual Everest” of a celebrity hurled herself into the plump arms of Australia’s best cricket bogan. This caused nationwide panic amongst the bogans, as they attempted to come to terms with the fact that someone only slightly less famous than Russell Crowe was being mounted by Warney. In other news, political correctness continued to go mad in Egypt.
Results of last week’s polling indicate that the news which drew most attention from the bogan was ‘the terrifying news that Weetbix and bananas are no longer an economically viable breakfast option,’ which really hit close to home for the bogan. At the other end of the spectrum, responses suggest that the bogan’s concern for the sanity of political correctness does not apply to North African or South Asian countries, with ‘political correctness going utterly apeshit in Egypt’ proving least popular, just behind news of increasing sanity regarding the correctness of Nepalese politics as ‘Jhalanath Khanal elected Nepalese PM, breaking 7 months of political stalemate, after the Maoist party withdrew their candidate.’