#212 – Buying Australian Made

7 02 2011

As has been sufficiently covered hereabouts, the bogan likes things. Particularly compelling to the bogan are things it can buy. Big things, flashy things with mysterious properties, interest-free things, things powered by petrol, and even things that aren’t things. Following a concerted campaign by the Australian Chamber of Commerce and Industry, the bogan believes that it can also buy its kids a job. While the bogan has little interest in retraining itself or carrying out unpleasant tasks like driving taxis full of other drunken bogans, it nonetheless clings ardently to the idea that it always deserves a job, no matter what. As a result, it wants Indians to stop taking its job, and keenly awaits the invention of a driverless taxi.

To the bogan, buying Australian made is the retail equivalent of wearing a flag cape and punching on at the Big Day Out. That is to say, totally max true blue. It’s what the ANZACs would have done, had they not purchased British Lee-Enfield rifles for their victory at Gallipoli instead. In its generous attempts to buy its kids a job, the bogan will even buy as many Australian made houses as its pyramid-scheme-wary bank manager will allow it to, meaning that its kids will indeed have to work numerous jobs to ever be able to buy into the bogan-bloated property market.

With its canny, job-buying real estate investments in place, the bogan knows that it can add value to each property by making improvements to them. Off to Bunnings Warehouse the bogan will march, to buy as many water features, bathroom cabinets, and stainless steel splashbacks as its third credit card will permit. Thanks to Bunnings’ buying power, the bogan can secure more Chinese made products for its buck than ever before. As it turns out, while the bogan is fiercely vocal about buying Australian made, it is ultimately a short-sighted, self-interested cretin more interested in out-glitzing its neighbours.

This process was recently demonstrated by the bogan’s dear plasma provider Gerry Harvey, who dared to suggest that the retention of Australian jobs would require more of the bogan’s taxpayer dollars,  and, helpfully, more dollars to Gerry. The backlash was as intense as it was fleeting. But with the story of Australian manufacturing and retailing currently off the front page of the newspaper, the bogan is happy to leave the situation unresolved, and return to the process of determining whether Ian Thorpe’s gut is currently larger than its own. Any attempt to alert the bogan to its internal inconsistencies will result in glassing with a Russian-made Ikea tumbler that costs only $1.49 each.

Indeed, while the bogan seems quite content to have its personal purchasing decisions expedite the collapse of the Australian automotive, textiles, clothing and footwear, and tyre manufacturing industries, it reserves the right to complain. Whenever a factory closure is announced, it will demand that its Japanese plasma TV harangue Julia Gillard into “doing something”. Its national duty thus served, the bogan will change the channel in time for Two and a Half Men, thus buying Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife’s lawyer a job.


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283 responses

7 02 2011
Werdna

“…it will demand that its Japanese plasma TV harangue Julia Gillard into “doing something.”

Hehehehe. Nice work again TBL. I think I have an addiction to you now, busy counting down the days until the next post has become a daily task now.

7 02 2011
jaydyn

i long for the day to be glassed by an Ikea product… hopefully while in the Ikea Market Hall.

10 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

I still hold dear to the dream of running a paintball assault through an Ikea with a few mates (bolt thru and try and tag everyone without touching any wrinklies or kids) it’d almost be worth a glassin’

7 02 2011
The Quote Train

“While the bogan has little interest in retraining itself or carrying out unpleasant tasks like driving taxis full of other drunken bogans, it nonetheless clings ardently to the idea that it always deserves a job, no matter what. As a result, it wants Indians to stop taking its job, and keenly awaits the invention of a driverless taxi.”

This was most excellent.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

I agree, most excellent. I think one of the most defining traits of the bogan is that sense of entitlement they all have.

7 02 2011
James Hunter

Yet another example of the Bogans “Not in my back yard” principle. go green and save the world but dont put a dam or as wind farm in my district nor anywhere that I may ever want to visit. Govmint should do more ,give the bogan more, but to pay for it dont tax the bogan nor reduce the handouts it currently gets. The buy Australia is ecactly the same. Buy Australian so long as it does not interfer with the bogans lifestyle nor cost the bogan a peny more.
After all the reason the bogans kids cant get jobs is the fault of the government and imported labour nothing to do with the slack ass attitude of the child inhereted from bogan parents nor with the dirth of Australian manufacturing jobs still to be had.

7 02 2011
The Quote Train

Just made the fatal error of clicking on the website linked to your blogging account. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

7 02 2011
James Hunter

TQT, Now you know what keeps me sane. Aperfect distraction from a world of bogans and idiocy. The things that burocracy do to fuck with ones head. Example. I am a special purpose machine ,concept designer and we have to make all things we design safe. Fair enough BUT we also must make them so safe that people can not hurt themselves deliberately. Yep but it is perfectly OK for the bogan machine operator to go home and stick his paws under the lawn mower while its going of cut his leg off with thew chain saw.
And people wonder why I enjoy the entertainment world ??
By the way you dont happen to know of a musician in the Newcastle area ? we are looking for one for the show.?
cheers

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

are you the one with the stretched nuts, JH?

8 02 2011
James Hunter

AlyssaKT,
That would be me , but it is only the scrotum that stretches .Never the nuts !By the way I dont cheat. I never use “Lite” beer !!!Bhahahahaha

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

james, I have to ask…
does it all just, sort of snap back or…
um. is there some apparatus?
special undies?
😀
I can’t help visualising those indigenes with the stretched lobes.

9 02 2011
James Hunter

Well thats a very good question and Im glad you asked it !

Well actually Its like stretching any body part like lip ear labia it goes back unless you keep a lot of pressure /weight on it for long enough. even then things go back to some degree once the pressure is removed.
I only use the 12mm X 22 ID rings for shows. they are too heavy for day wear.Both from the comfort and modesty points of view. Afterall one can not wander down the shops with all the rings and half your scrotum hanging out the side of your shorts !!Normally I wear somewhere between 12mm and 16 mm acrylic rods 50mm long with an “O” ring on each wed as “Sleepers” they are light enough in weight not to cause too much permanent stretching. 12 mm normally and the bigger ones just before a show to stretch the holes up a bit. Makes it easier and quicker to get the big rings in.

Hope this puts your mind at rest, or in a turmoil !!!

10 02 2011
The Quote Train

I personally feel anyone stretching their ball sack with rings should probably reevaluate the direction their life is heading.

Can’t help you on the musician request, sorry.

10 02 2011
James Hunter

Quote Train,
No need to appologise, Your the one with the problem .

8 02 2011
RobertL

It always amazes me in this day of over-regulated safety, that anyone can buy and use a chainsaw. Shudder!

8 02 2011
Davo

Over regulated safety is fucking with gods will. Sometimes people are just meant to loose a hand or an eye, it reminds the rest of us not to fuck around with fireworks or jump off a pier into shallow water.

8 02 2011
Lucky Star

Exactly Davo. Darwinism at it’s best. My mother mowing the lawn in thongs and almost losing 3 toes because of it is a fine example.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

Lucky,
Tha was not Darwinism that was Boganism. !! There are other explanations but I do not want to even appear to be aiming at the intellectually and /or physically disadvantaged .

9 02 2011
Lucky Star

It was a bit of that too JH. That’s OK, I will happily admit that she’s a bit special, bless her. 😉

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

WOW I didn’t know safety had gone that far! I’ve heard it said they can’t legislate against stupidity, but nothing’s gonna stop them from trying.

Incidentally, I’ve spent some time in Myanmar (Burma) and found that in some ways, they have more freedom than we Australians of the progressive, free world, especially when it comes to legislation to protect idiots.

11 02 2011
Natlee

Agree GC. Over-regulation in relation to personal safety in Australia drives me crazy. I live in S-E Asia, where pretty much anything goes, and I love it.

A few years ago, I went home and took some of those electrified tennis racquets for killing mosquitoes. They didn’t have them in Aus at that time. They were confiscated at the airport. When I asked the officious bogan at customs why, I was told that “People could use them to hit their kids.” What the effing hell kind of logic is that? If people want to hit their kids, they can pick up a chair, a brick, a cricket bat, pretty much anything lying around. Naturally the monumental bogan had no interest in listening to reason, and not wanting to get arrested, I let it go.

11 02 2011
AlyssaKT

tell me more about these mozzie racquets, please, Natlee?

11 02 2011
natlee

Alyssa, they look like small, plastic tennis racquets, and the “strings” are made of wire, which electrifies when you push a button, and zaps the crap out of mozzies. So much fun, and makes a satisfying little exploding sound when you get one. I think you can get them in Aus now, but not 100% sure.

11 02 2011
AlyssaKT

How fun!

I’ve always found swatting mozzies to be a bit of a sport. This would work for me!

Thanks Natlee

7 02 2011
Mick

No room for manufacturing or…or…or anything else in this country while a tiny proportion get rich on mining and by selling houses to each other.

We got Dutch Disease bad and the cure is horrible.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

And we don’t even have the decency or brains to make “coffee houses” legal. That might ease the pain for some of us so inclined 😛

No doubt when we do come down (I agree there with your sentiments, Mick), no doubt there’ll be a race to the bottom for brutality in enforcing law and order, which will rouse the bogans’ self-righteous indignation and act as a distractive tactic, through victimising the least empowered in our society through scapegoating them…make the Guvmint look like it’s gettin’ tough ‘n’ sh¡t against whatever minority that lands the blame for the economic mess the bogan and their corporate overlords in fact caused.

8 02 2011
Mick

It’ll be the Chinese who get the blame. The bogan will never admit that it’s financial nous was compromised by anything inside the country. After all, they have a sixth sense for everything. No, it’ll be an outside source that did the dirty on them.

And those Chinese have always been sneaky bastards…

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

inscrutable.

I was reading in the Oz on the wknd that some strategic type folk are getting a little edgy about the Peoples Liberation Army. Back in my day the PLA was a bit of a clockwork and steam powered joke. Apparently not now.
(don’t tell the bogans)

24 02 2011
Yazd

Of course we need not fear China as military threat, since they already own a large slice of Australia and could easily cripple us through economic sabotage.

Without China, our mining industry (which is the only thing keeping Australia afloat financially at the moment) would collapse and we’d be bankrupt for decades.

The PLA doesn’t have the naval assets to threaten us just yet, but they’ll be there in another decade or two.

That being said, even Indonesia could wipe the floor with us if they so desired.

The ADF is glorified bomb-sight calibration device for the rest of the world.

7 02 2011
hindustan

Just another ‘thing’ to mask the fear/racism in the bogan…ask the bogan WHY we should buy aussie made, and it’ll be dumbstruck. Is the quality better? Is it more economical? Is it better for industry? Nuh. Dunno.

The bogan searches far and wide for surrogates for outright racism. Racism born out of, dare I say it, inferiority. The bogan then performs these sad, pathetic acts (Screaming “Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie! or “buy Aussie made!”, flag capes, Gallipoli pilgramages etc), as a cover, a McGuffin, if you will, for what must be galling; realising that the Orstralya it grew up in is being overrun by foreigners, who, for ALL intents and purposes are FAAAR more educated, worldly and ultimately enough, WORTHY enough of actually being ‘Australian’. Sudanese, Afghani and Iraqi war refugees, who’ve been in the country less than 5 years ALREADY have a better grasp of real English than the bogan has. No longer is the bogan railling against peasant wogs or nips “taking all our jobs”, it is now up against a REAL enemy; the qualified foreigner who, quite rightly, would be chosen for a job ANY day of the week over the slothful, unworldly feral bogan who solely relies on being Australian by accident of birth…

7 02 2011
Mick

Just a rough guess here, but I’m thinking hindustan doesn’t like bogans…

7 02 2011
Benny Hill

Yep and i’d say he is involved in immigrant job placement or is currently awaiting trial for smashing a boat into rocks and is attempting to justify the incident.

7 02 2011
Mick

or maybe he’s met a few bogans in his time. Sure sounds like it.

7 02 2011
James Hunter

Great people those that wreck boats on Australian shore line. They are Providing useful employment for Bogan Beachcombers.

8 02 2011
p'bee

the boats are only sabotaged by the people smugglers, not the asylum seekers.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

Often,Usually,orAlways ?

8 02 2011
James Hunter

“Allways”

7 02 2011
Rob

Crikey! Thats a bonzer unload, digger.

8 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Going to the dawn ceremony in Gallipoli is pathetic? You’re a disgrace.

By the way, Mr “FAAAR more educated foreigner”, you spelt “rallying” incorrectly.

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

It’s pathetic when the people doing it have no understanding of what went on, and all they do is disgrace themselves – and all Australians – with their loutish behaviour.
Have you seen what that field looks like afterwards? The litter across it is worse than Big Day Out. Yes, Pathetic!

8 02 2011
YB

I think he actually meant railling, i.e. ‘to rail against’. It is correct in that context as well.

8 02 2011
Rob

Yep, you’re probably right YB.
Hindi’s fair dinkum, cobber

8 02 2011
hindustan

Actually, the irony in all of this is that I’m 100% Australian. Born, bred and raised in this country, and I wasn’t talking about the ‘worth’ of foreigners as people or whatever, I meant entirely from a ‘hire-ability’ perspective. Hell, there’s bogans in EVERY race/ethnicity. It just seems that Aussie bogans feel more entitled than the others…

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I’d venture the bogan’s sense of entitlement is one of it’s primary defining characteristices. the bogan exists in a bubble of entitlement. impervious to any element except celebrity media rays and porn. attempting to breach the bogan bubble to point out the existence of other humans in the vicinity who may be variously offended, disturbed or damaged may result in the pointer being glassed. the size of the bogan entitlement bubble increases exponentially relative to the number of bogans in any given area or venue. as does the likelihood of aforementioned glassing.

8 02 2011
Balyndah the Bogette

Excuse Mr Hindustan, Mr Highly Educated foreigner….. the correct spelling of our great southen land is Ostraya. Just shows how educated you are!

8 02 2011
Davo

Do the Indian students living in western Melbourne feel the same about Sudanese?

8 02 2011
Lola

“the qualified foreigner who, quite rightly, would be chosen for a job ANY day of the week over the slothful, unworldly feral bogan who solely relies on being Australian by accident of birth…” Hindustan

True, if by job you mean one working in the fast-food or taxi industry. Like it or not, the boge’s still got one over the foreigner when it comes to non-lo-rent jobs.

9 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

There is a lot of them in fast food isn’t there. Down here, a lot of Indian families are buying fast food franchises and putting their families to work in the store. They’re really stingy with the salt on the fries too 😦

7 02 2011
DuxLux

Can we make Ed Hardy an Australian citizen then? That should close the loop.

7 02 2011
Mick

Ed renounced his Australian citizenship and ran away befor he ended up in Debtor’s Prison.

7 02 2011
Kylie

Because (and I’m aware this is contentious) but buying Australian rice and cotton is so OBVIOUSLY the right thing to do. I mean, rice and cotton are meant to be grown in dry, hot and artificially watered country…… The rising water tables and blue green algae blooms are no doubt just another example of scaremongering by climate change believers……..

9 02 2011
Legless on Thalidomide

I eagerly await the ACA/TT special criticising the chain supermarkets for purchasing overseas crops due to make up for the shortfall in destroyed crops in the wake of the floods/cyclone, oh will that ever stir up patriot fever.

I can see the bogue hordes articulately laying out their argument: “First thawse farkin’ carnts cum ‘ere and take our farkin’ jawbs, now they’re farkin’ stealin’ our farma’s jawbs and they’re not even in tha farkin’ cuntry! Farkin’ send ’em all home!”

7 02 2011
AB

I wonder if all the flags we are starting to see (mounted on motor vechicles) during the general period around Australia Day are Australian made. Are we starting to become a society of flag wavers like the yanks?

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Nah, they’re all true-blue, dinky-di, ridgey-didge Aussies, following the true tradition of outsourcing (nah, no wukkas with it made in China…cheap as!) and mimicking our betters (we used to all about (British) Empire, but when they were faltering, out new BFF are the Americans…let’s impress ’em with our flag-brandishing skills, with our very own red, white and blue!)

9 02 2011
Mr Q

I was (pleasantly) surprised by how few car window flags there were around on Australia Day in Perth this year.

Of course, it probably means that the Scumday Times didn’t have them for $2 with the previous Sunday paper this year.

10 02 2011
Whistling Nixie

In the Mt Gravatt area of Brisbane, you still see them everywhere, two weeks after Australia Day.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

ya gotta get ya money’s worth..

7 02 2011
HappyFriend

I once was admoshed by a “South Australian Rat -Tailed Bogan”, when I strongly suggested Toyota is a Japanese car company, that Toyota was indeed an Australian car. True story!
He stated quite assuredly:-
” Toyotas are made in ‘Strayah’, near my joint in Adelaide, carnt!!”
Showing him photographs of the Company Headquarters made no impact on this cretin.

7 02 2011
James Hunter

, Stranger and stranger. The Australian Toyota Factory is in Melbourne. The Car factory in Adelaide is Holden and they used to have Mitsubshi.
Just to round the information, Melbourne have the Ford factory as well.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

And for all their chest-beating, misplaced patriotism and citing that both the Commodores and Falcons are largely designed, engineered and built here, excepting those aspects, they are no more Strayan than the Toyotas built here; in fact, none of the companies are local and are merely branch offices of their American or Japanese parents.

That’s what galls me about Australia and some of the misdirected campaigns to buy locally: it’s this branch-office mentality, whereby in the wake of globalisation, many Australian manufacturing companies have not kept pace with the rate of change, relying on corporate welfare (i.e. subsidies and tax breaks) and cheap jingoism to keep them and their past-it products afloat, rather than fostering research and development to innovate and stay ahead of the curve.

All it does is succeed in displaying that we have not got much depth or sophistication in the diversity of our economy and that we only maintain first-world standards by sheer luck of a mineral bounty, of which we are increasingly prevailing upon. When the effects of a combination of climate change and peak energy (especially oil) begin to percolate to the surface and foul up our increasing dependence of imported goods, we will be screwed, for the fact we didn’t harness and channel whatever talents potentially existed via R&D in our manufacturing industries, for the transport and distribution of these imported products—a more economically viable proposition in the present time—will become prohibitively expensive or/and less timely, thus showing up how shallow our economy has become, in turn compounded by a lack of demand for our raw resources due to a more constrained freight system that comes as a consequence of peak energy.

I think that there is some merit in encouraging local industry, but it must be for a deeper benefit and without bellicose motives (i.e. jingoistic appeals to the consumer) to justify this support. Take for example the “localvores”, who attempt to eat in-season foods sources within 160 kilometres/100 miles, supporting both local producers and mitigating the “food miles” effect upon climate change. Much better than dogwhistling with thinly veiled racism.

I certainly don’t advocate the mindless subsidy of inefficient and ineffectual industry, yet there are many aspects of globalised trade that are really not at all sustainable, especially distributors and merchants who merely rely on their middlemen activities of turning and churning to make mind-boggling sums from this, i.e. not actually producing or even retailing, just shuffling stuff…that’s the real inefficiency that remains well-hidden, as not to upset their vested interests. And here’s the rub: we’ll need to readjust our consumption patterns and expectations if we are going to survive and thrive…this orgy of conspicuous consumption of cheaply-produced goods simply cannot be sustained, for whenever one of the links of this tightly-strung supply chain snaps—it might be a significant weather event, catastrophic over-pollution, a key manufacturing resource hitting peak and then dropping off sharply or mass social unrest born of inequity—then the party will come to an abrupt end when the charades are seen for what they are in the harsh light of a nasty hangover. And what a mother of a hangover this will be.

If we’re not careful, we may end up just another bonded client state even more vulnerable to manifold effects beyond a nation’s control, especially when we are squandering the opportunities to put in place new infrastructures that will make the transition to a new paradigm a more seamless affair with less damage, both social and environmental, in the long term.

But as long as we pander to the mass poonami of the bogan sense of entitlement and maintain that status quo with an apathetic “she’ll be right, mate” attitude, most of us who aren’t already adjusting our mindsets are going to get caught out, and then proceed to bleat that “somebody” didn’t do anything, though we do now have just enough warning and opportunity to make the changes.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

BOT,
zackerly,
Globalisation ,Free trade et al are promoted with the promise that EVERYONE will be better off. Crap. I keep comming back to my simplistic(Iknow) analogy.
World trad is like a poker game. At the start lets say everyone is given $1,000 to bet with. At the end of the night there will styill be exactly the same amount of money on the table except that one person will have most of it and one or two others will have none at all.
The lie is failing as more and more countries end up with too many people with education and thus aspirations that they cannot satisfy from the fruits of menial labour.
Everyone wants ot have high income ,high living standards.
It only ever has and ever will be there if there is a supply of cheap labour. No longer available at home then else where.
We are starting to run out of elsewheres.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

@ JH

For everyone on Earth live to the standard of your average American or Australian, you’d need the resources of four planet Earths.

The whole idea of going out to rape and pillage space is a fight of fancy. Let’s just try to make do with what we have and maybe reduce the global population while we’re at it…as much as one may (rightfully) ridicule The Eagles, one song of theirs I do admire, “The Last Resort”, at least in the context of America, sums it up very soberly: ”’Cause there’s no more new frontier, we have got to make it here”. Very true that.

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I like Red Hot Chili Peppers’ lyric “this life is not a read-through”…

8 02 2011
martin

Yeah it’s so sad. We’ve had all this money and where did we spend it? Bidding up the prices of houses. We’ve got next to no infrastructure like trains and stuff to show for it.

I agree with James I think globalisation is a massive rort. Our parents and grandparents lived great lives. Better lives imo.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

there are stats for the huge growth in the number of Ultra rich in recent times.
I’m with you on “the olden days”.
personally I would have had a go at setting out with an axe and a sturdy horse back when the world was sepia. probably would have died of typhus at 46 or some shit. but whatever.
the huge growth in mental illness since the forties is symptomatic of the pretty pointless lives most of us lead.
volunteering with sick kiddies can make it better, but by and large we’re just shoppers. buying plastic crap so china can inject some new blood into a weary old top heavy global financial system.
don’t get me wrong, I have heaps of fun here in the 21st century!
Dig it!
but it’s pretty pointless.

8 02 2011
Benny Hill

TLDR

7 02 2011
Blueballs

Although technically a British rifle (using an action designed by an American) the Lee Enfield rifles used in our sterling victory in Gallipoli were made in Lithgow under licence… oops, just outed myself as a bogan gun nutter, I’m going to have to kill you all now!

7 02 2011
martin

We made the Owen Gun! Much respected and coveted by our allies during it’s time.

8 02 2011
Blueballs

I just had an epiphany, a weapon that fire beer glasses at people. I’d envisage it to be a kind of belt feed number that you feed a washing tray of pots into (why pots? I’d imagine a Pot would have a better ballistic coefficiency than a Schooner or a Pint but would have more mass than a Pony or 7) Naturally it’d have a select fire mode, Wayne Carey mode (for less than lethal, crowd control applications, perhaps even replacing the pot with a wine glass) Skrag fight function (for targeted strikes against better looking and or designated foes) and Cunts setting (for multiple, indiscriminate fire) The mayhem such a weapon would cause to be spectacular, with the added bonus of the broken glass making it a area denial weapon as bogans in thongs would be less likely to walk over a sea of broken glass.

8 02 2011
Balyndah the Bogette

Maybe if we were more skilled at glassing, we could have glassed our way to victory against those wogs from Turkey and Italy in WW1.

And my great grandad fought under that flag….

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

haha about the flag ;D

9 02 2011
Edward

Mm-hm. Italy was with the Triple Entente during World War I, allied with Great Britain and France. They militarily contained and eventually brought about the (inevitable) collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The failing empire which started it all.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I have an idea…you could build an improvised—in the true Aussie backyard inventor spirit—glass revolver-cum-air rifle by fashioning an anodised aluminium circular beer tray, the one with about nine slots on the top of them, loaded with middy/pot glasses, with small holes drilled into the base directly at the centre at the base of each glass, using compressed air to punch them out into gleeful parabolae onto the foreheads and eye sockets of various deserving cünts, spinning them on a handle mounted to the centre of the tray for each 10 fl. oz. round on the spindle with a handle incorporating the air trigger.

Geez, I didn’t realise how sick and twisted I was…but I reckon I’d be a shoe-in for the finals of The New Inventors!

8 02 2011
James Hunter

BOT,
Take a butane powered nail gun remove the piston and screw a piece of tubing on the front .Then load and fire.
Cant give you too many details or your pub may run out of glasses ?

8 02 2011
lolplates

Knowing about fire-arms isn’t bogan, although they are designed for a nasty purpose they are examples of beautiful workmanship.
Neither is owning them, bogans do not have the required discipline and self control to maintain and safely keep one.

8 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Blueballs, please don’t shoot….
From my limited knowledge of military hardware, I thought the ANZAC’s used .303 Winchesters. The .303 calibre was deliberatley used for ammunition compatability with the the British Lee Enfields (also .303) Were the Winchesters and the Lithgow made rifles you mention one and the same?

8 02 2011
Blueballs

Not sure, a quick google reveals that Ian Skennerton is the man for whoms opinion you seek on this matter.
I did remember reading that one of the Officers from the Light Horse used a sawn-off shotgun at Gallipoli until the Turks complained that it wasn’t fair. WTF? Funny fact: One of the main components in the homemade grenades the ANZACs used was glass, so we do have a proud glassing heritage in times of conflict! On the topic of ANZAC’s, did you know that the Kiwis were also at Gallipoli? Who would’ve thought!

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

apparently not even many of them! I was selling ANZAC badges one year and was questioned by some Kiwis on holiday “why would we be interested in shit like that?”
I responded “how do you think they got the Nnn and the Zze in ANZAC??”
dopes.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

Think the Winchester used was the 1895 Winchester with the standasrd military type magazine ,not the tube kind. The Lee Enfield was I believe the first militery long arm made at Lithgow. It was esentially the same as the Mk4 that were made for the second war although during ww2 they were made in lots of countries .Australia,Canada and USA even all produced them for the British and Commonwealth troups. I have seen bitsas with american woodwork Canadien breaches and Australian barrels

Some one mentioned the Owen gun which Lithgow made very similar tio the Austen , the Ausie made variant of the sten gun

8 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Did a bit of Googling…you were right about the Lee Enfields being made in Lithgow for Australian troops. However, in 1915 the British commissioned the Winchester factory in the US to make Lee Enfield design rifles as well, as the British gun factories could not meet the demand during WW1. Can’t find any info to prove it, but there’s a chance that some Australian troops may have got their hands on Winchesters.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

The American parts tha ended up in ww2 Lee Enfield came from I believe many gun factories .So people generally refer to a Lee Enfield as such no matter who(singular or collective) made it because that is the design. Simmilarly Americas ww2 Garand was actually produced by a number of diferent companies but was always called a Garand. Rember though in some places like some Americans had old Springfields.

9 02 2011
Blueballs

Sorry for turning TBL into the Guns and Ammo forum…

Luckily work has been a bit slow this week, so I’ve googled a bit of info re the 303. The version Australia used was the Short Magazine Lee Enfield (SMLE) which was made at Lithgow during from 1902 until the 1950’s . All empire troops used locally produced versions of it (except the Canadians, they used something called a Ross Rifle initially but replaced it with the SMLE when they realised that their gun was not very reliable in the mud)

Prior to WW2 the Brits redesigned the SMLE to make it cheaper to manufacture resulting in the Lee Enfield number 4. The #4 was also outsourced to the USA to meet demand, but I didn’t read anything about Winchester making them.

They used that throughout WW2 until it was replaced by the SLR in the mid 50’s. Australia however persisted with the original SMLE. The Brits also shortened the Number 4 for jungle warfare and called it the #5 Jungle Carbine.

Here’s where it gets confusing , immediately prior to WW1 the Brit were in the process of replacing the SMLE with a Pattern 13 rifle which was a completely different design and caliber to the SMLE. when WW1 erupted, they simply re cambered the Pattern 13 to standard 303, called it the P14 and because the priority production was the proven SMLE, they outsourced production of the P14 to American companies including Winchester and Remington. To complicate matters, once the Yanks joined the war they didn’t have enough rifles, so they re chambered the P14 to their standard 30/06 caliber and called it the M17. Apparently there were more M17’s used than Springfield’s. The Winchester produced P14 was well regarded as a sniper rifle, so they were in common use in this role by Australia in both wars.

With regards to James Hunter’s reference to the aforementioned Winchester M1895. This was a lever action rifle chambered for a number of bullets, including the 303. A number were produced for the Czarist Russians during WW1, but they were not a general issue gun or common.
This gun is not to be confused with the Winchester M1894 which was a tube magazine feed gun (??) Movie goers would know this as the gun used by John Wayne in all his movies, even if the scene was 50 years prior to its invention… Curiously an early form of product placement as he was sponsored by Winchester!

The M1895 may be recognised by the casual viewer as the gun used by Hugh Jackman used to repel a Japanese hoards in the historically accurate and highly entertaining movie ‘AUSTRALIA’. For mine, I believe Nicole Kidman’s immovable forehead reflecting a deathray onto the invading Nips would’ve been more effective and historically accurate!

Back to the Glass cannon, who is up for a Youtube challenge to see who can produce such a WMD? I’m thinking that a proof of concept would be a Potato Cannon type device to gauge the effectiveness of propelling pots…

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I am soooo into that glass cannon.
but I’m not gonna do it. thinking of compressed air and a styrofoam sabot for the glass, think of Mythbusters Chicken Gun.
maybe some sort of small scale trebuchet, or crossbow arrangement (again w/- sabot). thinking of a clay trap arrangement too. dud for accuracy tho’

re: Lithgow Small Arms (I cant remember the name of the coy.) they made Stens under licence too and let’s not forget the mighty FN FAL released here as the L1A1 SLR. You know I can still remember that the muzzle velocity of a 7.62mm rimless NATO round (.308) is 823 metres/second. I bet I could still field strip an SLR, a Steyr, an M16(M203), an M60, a Minimi or a 9mm Browning blindfolded. Lithgow also produce and export the Steyr AUG as the Austeyr. And I think our Grenades and Claymores are made here too. Could be wrong on that. I love small arms. Fun and Fascinating! Nonetheless I surrendered them happily back in the ’90’s (That would have been a mini 14, an old Swedish Mauser, and a couple of .22s at the time). Respect for firearms should be taught at a military level. I think even Cops shouldn’t have guns, let alone every other pencil dicked moron with a credit card.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

and I reckon the poms had the brown bess from god knows when up until the SMLE followed by the FAL/SLR and now the SA80. they’ve always had a reputation for being a bit behind the game and australia followed suit. “Why, if we give the buggers automatic weapons, they’ll just use more bullets!”

9 02 2011
Edward

Prior to the Lee-Enfield, there was the Lee-Metford, which may have had some limited use at the beginning of W.W. I, was the issue weapon during the Boer War and was still in the armouries during W.W. II, and was used to equip the Home Guard. Before that there was a Martini-Henry rifle, I think, which was used through the Colonial wars of the second half of 19th century.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

of course.
unreliable memory.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I saw a piece on the Boer business in which they commented on the inferiority of the martini henry v the boers bolt action weapons. it may have inspired my line of thought that british & c’wealth forces were slow on the uptake of new infantry rifles. the martini was excellent for subduing savages, not much chop in a fair fight apparently.

9 02 2011
Rob

Don’t tell anyone, but a bloke I know has a Lee-Enfield .303 #5 Jungle Carbine, and aesthetically it’s just a beautiful, beautiful thing

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

gorgeous.
back in the late eighties the army offered us the opportinity to buy a fully working SLR in a fitted velvet timber case complete with bayonet for $1500 bucks. a man must have been an idiot for not taking that up. just thinking how pretty that would look on the wall in the pool room.
it was a legal weapon then. them was the days.
*shudder*

10 02 2011
Blueballs

Back to the glass cannon, inspired suggestion regarding the use of a sabot as I’ve had concerns about gas over pressure combining with loose fitting barrels breaking the glass before it leaves the barrel.

My concept is pretty nasty, a Tripod mounted 8 barrel contraption. The key parts will be;
8 barrels arranged in a circular layout (essentially 8 potato cannons) a gas regulator that feed equal amounts of gas into each barrel/chamber, a V8 distributor with a crank handle attached, a car battery, a coil and 8 sparkplugs mounted on the chambers. To work it you’d ramrod a glass down each barrel, flick a gas switch to charge the chambers, flick a safety switch to turn on the electrical system, then crank the distributor like an old school Gatling gun! It’d be a crew served weapon, a mutation of Bebgy from Trainspotting and a DFSW team.

I was thinking you could fire one pot per barrel, but I was researching ‘metelstorm’ yesterday and realized that if you stacked 3-4 pots in each barrel it’ll throw more glass.

Naturally you could mount a laser sight for precision glassings

10 02 2011
James Hunter

Blueballs,
Glasses have all the airodynamics of a house brick. Why not use longnecks ? Nice aerodynamic shape and much more Kinetic energy delivered to the target ?

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

but it’s not as poetic james.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I’ve seen metal storm on futureweapons.
an excellent idea. the visual of the PotStorm is delicious. especially deployed in an ambush mode. your eight shooter is genius. I’m still stuck on chicken gun variations. I saw some smallish bottles of nitrogen today and thought they might be ideal and got me thinking about portability; some thing a la the minigun arrangement in Predator.

a V8 (chevvy) block firing schooners like a mortar has poetic appeal also.

10 02 2011
James Hunter

Chubby Nitrogen is routinely used at and supplied at 4,500 to 5,000 PSI and man that sends things !! I have seen film of an industrial “D” size bottle that fell and the neck broke off. went through Besser block walls like they were not there !!

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

nice one. sounds like just the stuff.
it might actually be suitable for the metalstorm type application.
http://www.vincelewis.net/metalstorm.html
5000 pounds of nitrogen should be able to launch at least a dozen schooner glasses out of a vertical frame. using a crew weapon scenario, if you set them up in banks of three you could achieve a pretty steady rate of fire (one gassing one loading one firing) against targets such as bogan mobs. I’m thinking of vehicle mounted applications as well as the remote activated or trip wire ambush. we still need to come up with a man portable rig.

9 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Tube magazines are mainly found in shotguns these days; essentially they’re just a magazine within the gun that you feed each round into.

And I’ll take up that challenge THI regarding the Steyr field strip. Bit scratchy on Minimi, 9mm is just too easy for a challenge!

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

such a pretty weapon.

9 02 2011
James Hunter

The 1895 winchester was also produced with the small box magazine for militery use. This was so it would take the standard military pointed bullet as apposed to the blunt soft nosed civie round. I think you will find this was used bu the russians ans Australia also before the Lee Enfield.
Re country of origine of N4 SMLEs. As I have previously said the parts were often assembled into rifles with bits from Australia , Canada and USA . This depended on which factories could do what and I suppose what transport ships got sunk and which survived. We had Number 4 SMLEs right up till we made the change to the FN.

9 02 2011
martin

So we can all come to you to fit us out when the bogan hordes go mental James?

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

legend has it there are thousands of barrels of SMLEs in war stores. still in the grease.

7 02 2011
G

Having a strong manufacturing base and not relying solely on primary and tertiary industries is vitally important to a strong economy. The US and UK are learning this at the moment. The best way to achieve this is R and D spending both from Public and private sources and efficient infrastructure and energy production. Strong domestic demand is also vitally important.

P.S the writers of this website are quickly approaching 90% wankers!

7 02 2011
Venetian blind suntan

“the bogan will even buy as many Australian made houses as its pyramid-scheme-wary bank manager will allow it to”

In fact, it is typically the opportunistic and spineless bank manager/lending officer/mortgage broker who is mischeviously encouraging said (ill informed and easily fooled) bogan to “invest” in something, anything, as long as they can lend the bogan some money thus enabling these craven and gormless toads to Achieve Their Monthly Targets: the branch’s holy grail, using that seductively sweet elixir, “negative gearing”. This is where i actually pity the bogan, his base gullibillity is his achilles tendon in that world of spivs; his little equity pumped into some con scheme secured by the family home, destined to be lost when reality hits.

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Before the GFC I met a woman at a dinner party who worked for Westpac in the loans department. She shared that she was technically allowed to grant a home loan as long as there was $1 remaining on the calculator after all of the declared budget + repayments had been assessed. She claimed that she often advised them that the interest rates could, and probably will, go up (against her own benefit) and that they would likely be unable to repay their loans and may lose their homes… but that many still chose to go ahead.
Hopefully this is now a crime??? *wishful thinking*

8 02 2011
Mick

Some new laws designed to stop this rort came into play in January. The spruikers don’t seem to be very happy. Stuff ’em.

http://macrobusiness.com.au/2011/02/dear-prudence/

It’s too late now. The damage that the housing ponzi has done can only be undone via massive financial unravelling. And the bogan and it’s stupid McMansion won’t pay for it’s crime. No, the guvmint will bail them out. Banks get bailed too. The folk who have done the right thing all along will pay the price with increased taxes and austerity measures. That’s what sucks. The rest of us pay for bogan greed.

8 02 2011
martin

I hope not Mick they didn’t get bailed out anywhere else where there’s been a crash. The banks did, not the bogan f$cktard Donald Trump wannabes.

I seriously doubt there’ll be enough money to give the bogan a “my house price crashed” bonus.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/business/first-home-buyers-slowly-returning-to-queensland-property-market-after-historical-low/story-e6freqmx-1226000383914

News Ltd are so evil, putting up an re agent to pose as a fhb.

http://tasmanianrealestatetrouble.blogspot.com/

9 02 2011
bazza

At the risk of coming across a little news.com.au-commentish, wife and I paid off our modest unit and are now looking to buy a larger home for our family. I was also waiting for a nice little correction before the gubment boosted the grant.

Post GFC, my other investments corrected like they should have but now houses are more expensive. Because we have no debt on our current property, renting it out means that we get no gearing benefits, and doesn’t actually help us at all. Now that the market is softening, if we sell, we’ll lose out.

These austerity measures have basically screwed the prudent savers, and rewarded/saved the debt bingers who will carry on as though the GFC never happened.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

Leviticus 25:35-37 (King James Version)

35And if thy brother be waxen poor, and fallen in decay with thee; then thou shalt relieve him: yea, though he be a stranger, or a sojourner; that he may live with thee.

36Take thou no usury of him, or increase: but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee.

37Thou shalt not give him thy money upon usury, nor lend him thy victuals for increase.

u·su·ry (yzh-r)
n. pl. u·su·ries
1. The practice of lending money and charging the borrower interest, especially at an exorbitant or illegally high rate.
2. An excessive or illegally high rate of interest charged on borrowed money.
3. Archaic Interest charged or paid on a loan.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

Even Jesus had the sense to kick the money lenders out of the temple

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

That’s where too many Christians, particularly of the Fundamentalist stripe, come undone by conveniently forgetting these lessons taught by the same Christ they claim to venerate and emulate.

Some will try—like many Catholics are fond of doing—in using the get-out-of-jail-card of “we are but humans, thus we are sinners, but ask for absolution and I’m alright again!”. That is an admirable trait of Christianity, only so long as one then has the insight to say “OK, I muffed up this time, but let me learn as to sincerely try to never do that again, and change my ways as such”…the ones who actively avoid this important proviso are rank hypocrites and do unto their faith a disservice, making a mockery of all that was originally wise and noble about Jesus. Whether or not he indeed existed is open to speculation and really is a matter of faith, but regardless if he was real or merely a created fiction, the insights and teachings attributed to him—which are pretty much universally applicable to any beneficent belief or values system—are timeless and still hold, regardless of one’s belief, or lack or rejection of thereof.

I just find the whole idea of “prosperity gospel” evangelism and the notion that economic success is a divine reward utterly perverse and sickening. If Jesus saw all of this done in his name, I’m sure he’d be weeping, if not incandescent with rage, for all those fools who have bent and distorted his messages beyond recognition to suit their own ends.

8 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I reckon Jesus could out-glass most bogans.

8 02 2011
Will S

Jesus could glass a multitude with a single stubby of XXXX gold

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

and then heal them all and give them a fish sandwich!

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

And share a drink of wine together, after the ambulance had come for the glassin’ injuries!

9 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Wine? Nah, Jesus knows his crowd. He’d bust out the Woodies.

9 02 2011
chris

“Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. But only after the bogans are done trashing it”. Jebus c AD 33

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

Advice for parents from the god of love:
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (King James Version)

“18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”

italics mine

8 02 2011
James Hunter

BOT,
The caflick church is the true evil empire. how can they in times of dwindling finite resources refuse to allow birth controll ?
What morality encourages dirt poor people in undeveloped countries to breed like flies so that there will be millions more starving next year that the rest of us are expected to feed ?

The other pet bitch is the propensity of many of that ilk to sin all week without qalm because they can go and be forgiven on sunday. what a load of bolloks. If (Deity of choice) exists then shurely he would be more interested in how people lead their whole life?

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I might be a “cultural Catholic”, insomuch as people identify themselves as culturally Jewish, in that as much I can identify with the people and rituals I’ve grown up with, though also harbour strong disagreements about the dogma, teachings and mendacity of their hierarchy, of which I certainly do in regards to the Mother Church! Don’t get me started about Colonel Ratzinger Burger (didn’t they let a cross-promotion deal slip by, or what? Maybe wait ’til he pegs it and a burger commemorating his life could be released!)…we damn well need someone for Pope who’ll take the progressive spirit of Vatican II to its next phase, starting with lifting the bans on contraception and homosexuality, plus allowing the clergy to marry and admitting women to serve. I mean, what’s the greater sin? Methinks that encouraging people to have more children than they can feasibly sustain, ergo putting ever more pressure on Earth’s finite resources is a far, far graver sin than partaking in sensual pleasure with another consenting adult of either gender without the objective of procreation!

However, it has left an indelible positive legacy in how I live my life, thus I’ve taken all of what’s beneficial and closer to the core message of what Christ was. I am thankful that I have had some very estimable mentors amongst my dealings with the church who are true witnesses to the Gospel, living true to their creed and attempting to usefully make the world a better place. Also what has also helped is that I have read some small degree of theology, which questions the various positions one examines in a life of faith, which Catholicism has a noble tradition of, but unfortunately most of the laity do not glean any of the insights gained by these seekers; I sometimes wonder if the church’s pooh-bahs deliberately underplay the existence of this treasure trove, for becoming conversant with theology might just unsettle the masses, stoking them to query the party line, which in turn would undermine their rigid authority.

It’s such a pity that there are a cabal of charlatans masquerading in the name of God playing politics who are so lost in dogma and structure that they have well-and-truly lost their way in attempting to climb the ladder of the church hierarchy. The Evangelist fundies are the same with their lust for power, property and influence, except they lack any facility for intellectual rigour the Caflicks at least have amongst their tradition, begrudgingly accepted as it is!

Most Catholic theological scholars (not to mention most Protestant ones, too) can accept science as a miracle of human endeavour at its core and thus not dispute the resultant theories postulated (i.e. Catholicism has no beef about evolution; that’s all we learnt at the high school I went to). One the other hand, the Fundamentalist position is absolute re evolution and other scientific findings that seemingly contradict the Bible…biblical statements are considered literal truths, not as “Mysteries of Faith”, open to interpretation as per the Catholic theological position. At least there’s room for non-literalist recovering Caflicks like myself and the likes of Fr Bob Maguire.

No wonder why those bogans who aren’t hostile to religious endeavours flock to those meagchurches, because their anti-intellectualism directly appeals to them, as well as embracing the notion that it’s quite alright to be stinking rich as it’s divine providence, regardless of how many people they trampled upon to attain that wealth.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Oh, yeah, I forgot: Sunday Christians give me the sh¡ts too.

Being a good Christian is an all-encompassing everyday, lifetime proposition that should act simply as a conduit for living an examined life; it is not merely a shiny badge to be worn on Sunday mornings to curry favour with your deity.

Piety without good deeds and intentions is but a sham. Better to be a fair and decent atheist rather than being an insincere believer.

8 02 2011
the beef

Brevity is the soul of wit, bro.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

@the beef

Sometimes you just gotta let all hang out, well-formed as it may be, in order to prevent one from having a constipated mind.

There’s a time a place for incisive concision too—I do sometimes get in a pithy one-liner that speaks volumes.

8 02 2011
Rob

BOT – you are an intellectual.
For GODS SAKE (get it?) NEVER open your mouth near a group of bogans.
You WILL cop a $1.49 Ikea glassing.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

No risk pal, wouldn’t waste my breath on said anti-intellectuals and other assorted philistines. Not to mention saving some glasses from ruin, even el cheapo IKEA ones!

8 02 2011
Lola

Re Catholic Church:
“What morality encourages dirt poor people in undeveloped countries to breed like flies so that there will be millions more starving next year that the rest of us are expected to feed ?” (James Hunter)

Umm James checked the birthrates in Muslim countries? Birthrates have nothing to do with religion and everything to with other cultural norms eg. first world “Stop after Edward and Ruby”, third world “make alot, and preferably boys”. Same goes for wars, but that’s another topic!

8 02 2011
chris

Pithy observation, James. Jebus kicked over a few tables and bitch-slapped a couple of money lenders. I was only thinking the other day what he might be capable of if he showed up at a Hillsong gig. Something along the lines of running amok, Martin Bryant-style with an Uzi comes to mind.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

That’d get me back to church!

8 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Since I’m guilty here, I’ll say nothing.

I was wondering, however, if TBL would be looking at the Allan Border Medal as a future topic. I know you did Red Carpet Specials, but the AB Medal deserves a thread for itself. What should be a night for and about our cricketers (which some of the more hardline TBLers might see as bogan itself) has become another red carpet special wankfest.

I watched with my flatmate and his girlfriend – I didn’t really care about the awards cause I knew Watson would sweep it, but I thought I might get to hear a Doug Walters story or two. Sadly, none I hadn’t heard, but I did get to hear Miss Powerbitch (my name for flatmate’s girlfriend – she thinks she’s a corporate lawyer cum lingerie model when she’s not really close to either) dispensing advice on everyone’s outfit, pointing out how sexy Mitchell Johnson looked and that Clarke should have won because they need to promote the captain in waiting. I think. By that point I was a few beers and bong hits in.

8 02 2011
8 02 2011
"cm"

@JH. Are you the artist formely know as drongo?
Not that i can speak,just curios.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

CM,
No buddy, The only stage name I have ever used is “Baby Hanibal” with the one “n”. I started of with St Mathew who now works as Mathey Blabe.Or Matty Blabe , one or tother. Best known and fantastic freformer and Guy is Chayne Hultgren The “Happy Cowboy” from The Happy Side Show.If you go to the big fringe festivals like Edinburgh or Adelaide then you will meet most people eventually. cant help it.

8 02 2011
James Hunter

“blade” bugger

8 02 2011
8 02 2011
DuxLux

It’s a bit like the Great Wall of China Twin cab ute, being flogged by some faux tradie, who “got a great deal”.

8 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Ahh yes. The Great Wall ute with it’s 2 star ANCAP rating and recalls for failing seatbelts. God i hate those things.

8 02 2011
shakPower

The bogan will act in a way it thinks is ‘the aussie way’ or ‘doing the right thing by other aussies’ . it does not need a reason or need to justify its actions ever. The bogan is immune to question and reason.

8 02 2011
shakPower

Bogan walking on the street looks down at something that looks like a lump of shit. Bogan thinks to itself ‘i wonder if thats shit?’ Bogan bends down and gives it a sniff ‘It does smell like shit!’ , bogan puts a finger in it and licks it off to give it a little taste ‘YES’ it yells out with pride ‘It is indeed shit. i was right’ bogan walks away proudly claiming ‘Boy am i glad i didnt step on it!’

8 02 2011
clipper

Talking about ‘unpleasant tasks like driving taxis full of drunken bogans’ – when I drove a taxi many moons ago and had to perform this task, quite a few of the aforementioned bogans would exclaim with glee ‘thank f**k, we’ve got an Aussie driver’, without realising that I was born elsewhere. Of course what they meant to say was ‘thank f**k, we’ve got a white driver’, as when my nationality became apparent (sometimes before the exclamation), not one ever complained (of course it did help that I knew where I was going)

9 02 2011
lolplates

You should have turned around and said something in French or your native tongue if it was not English. 🙂

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

the campaign to buy australian strikes me as somewhat incongruous in the face of globalisation. the bogan might be better advised to buy foreign shares.

in other news, thank the gods the statue of Dickens has been restored to centennial park.

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

disapointed at the lack of rolling coverage of the WA fires. desperately wanted to see Kochie or The Stef standing in a circle of flames. I even would have settled for Grant Denyer.

on religon: Catherine Deveney (speaking on QandA) had an excellent suggestion on raising funds for disaster relief; cut or withdraw tax exemptions for religious organisations. after all it was God who caused the whole mess.
The Purest Gold.

8 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I appreciated that suggestion also. It’s a shame she didn’t speak with the same composure, clarity and wit for the entire hour…

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I might be a Caflick, but I’m not a Caflick cünt—I too believe that the tax-exempt status should be lifted…about time the Mother Church paid back some of its Mammon’s gains and put some credibility back into its mission of serving the underprivileged.

Oh, and while I’m at it, save some more cash by severely means-testing ALL the private schools in regards to qualifying for State and Federal funding…it’s criminal that these schools gain funding, even when running at a profit and boast of superb facilities, whilst state schools are left scrabbling for the precious little left, further undermining their role in the provision of quality education, which does nothing to stem the tide of kids being sent to religious schools by non-religious parents, they just doing so as a matter of perceived prestige and status.

@ Chubbs: as for the mess created by religious bigotry, it wasn’t the fault of God, Allah, Krishna, Shiva or any other name attributed as a/the Higher Power…it was man. (And yes, I’m being quite gender-specific here, as it seems to be men—as in males—who dominate the discourse and fevered rhetoric of religious intolerance, hiding behind the false pretences of committing vile acts in the name of faith…these fückwits wreck it for everyone, the good tarred with the same brush as the bad.)

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

I will continue to contend religion is proto science and irrelevant to a reasoning mind. Even to a layman the truth of what is being discovered is infinitely more profound than petty jealous gods and heavily embellished folk tales. In the face of these discoveries clinging to religion is willful ignorance.
Ignorance is fear and pain, hence the impassioned and frequently belligerent responses to any challenge.
Take a look at the pillars of creation in the Eagle Nebula
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap070218.html
comprehend just what it is you are looking at
and tell me the cat who allegedly made that really cares what kind of hat you wear.

9 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Oh my God (pun intended), the disparity between Federal funding to private and public schools is disgusting. In 2003 I discovered 70% of funding goes to private schools, leaving only 30% for public schools. That’s an odd discrepancy, considering the parents who can afford private schooling for their children are paying exorbitant amounts. I don’t think they should be penalised by removing funding, but fairness should be considered – 50:50???

9 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Note there AlyssaKT that it’s the FEDERAL funding you’re talking about. The reason non-government schools get 70-30 compared to government schools is because government schools are given more funding at the STATE level than non-government schools. The federal government actually gives more to the non-government schools to make the balance 50-50 overall.

Overall, governments, provide most of the funding for government schools. The majority of income for non-government schools comes from the parents. Student in government schools rely on state funding, while the main source of public funding for non-government is the federal sector. Therefore, when comparing public support between these two, it’s important to take into account the whole spectrum of funding and where it’s coming from.

To break down the stats for you:

Government school of 100% total funds
8% Federal
88% State/Territory
4% Parents (fees, levies. etc)

Non-Government school of 100% total funds
31% Federal
12% State/Territory
58% Parents (fees, levies, etc)

(Note, percentages have been rounded up, so may not equal 100% exactly)

So you see, even though there is a 23% difference in Federal funding (which equates to around the 70% you mentioned of overall Federal funding), the total funding from both State and Federal to non-government schools is about 42%. Compare that to the 96% of funding government schools get, it works out on a pretty even keel.

When 58% of your private school funding comes from parents paying god knows what, then they’re more than welcome to have that extra swimming pool or rugby field since they’re paying for it out of their own pockets more or less.

The important thing to note as well is that by giving more money to independent schools, the federal government is acutally SAVING money. In the last decade, enrolments in the private sector have increased by 43%, whereas government schools only grew 1% in the same time period. If non-government schools didn’t exist, the burden would rest on the government(s) to prop up ALL students. This actually happened on a small scale in Goulburn in 1962, and best illustrates my point.

An education strike was called in response to a demand for the installation of three extra toilets at a local Catholic Primary School. When the government refused to support funding, the local Catholic Archdiocese closed down all local Catholic primary schools and sent the children to the Government schools. The Catholic authorities declared that they had no money to install the extra toilets. Nearly 1000 children turned up to be enrolled locally and the state schools were unable to accommodate them.

The strike lasted only a week but generated national debate. In 1963, Menzies made State aid for science blocks part of his party’s platform, which subsequently led to nation wide funding for all non-government schools.

I hope it sheds some light on this ‘debate’.

9 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

In addition to my rant, you can compare funding on a student by student basis, based on their socioeconomic status.

The Australian government employs a method called Socio Economic Status (SES) funding model. It is a needs-based model for providing funding to an non-government school based on the measure of the socio-economic status of a school’s community. The higher the SES score, the less public funding its students receive. The lower the SES score, the more funding the government can give.

All students in non-government schools are eligible for some sort of funding. The minimum grant is 13.7% of the Average Government School Recurrent Costs (put simply, how much a government school student is funded by the government annually, which is $12 704 per student) whilst the maximum is 70%.

A high SES score of 130 entitles a student from that school the minimum grant of $1459, while a student with a low SES score of 85 is eligible for the maximum grant of $7453.

Note that is is well short of the $12 704 mentioned earlier.

These figures relate to 2009 sources, but these are indexed to help keep pace with the rising cost of education. These are averaged using measurements based against state/territory expenditure of government schools.

Because annual indexation is based on the continued increase of expenditure in government schools, the increases in SES grants for independent school can never be greater than or disproportional to this spending in government schools.

9 02 2011
AlyssaKT

thank you, fair enough 🙂

9 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

Glad to help. It’s good that some people ask those questions rather than go on some biased rant based on ill informed class and religious differences…

My tutor at uni brought me up to speed on that issue. Those “Public Education: It’s time to give it more” advertisements provoked a lot of internal questioning, despite myself being subjected to 13 years of Catholic education; which I thought would have naturally caused me to dismiss such statements based on my upbringing.

As my tutor said, regardless of where you put your children, they’re going to get the same basic education from teachers who all come from the same educational background.

9 02 2011
Mr Q

Ah yes, elite private schools.

I recently received yet another request for a donation from a Perth elite Catholic school I had the misfortune to attend because they *need* a new school hall. Now if I recall correctly, the school had a pretty good hall already back in the 80s that would still be better than most other schools.

What really pissed me off was that this was on top of BER funding. I felt like sending them back an email going “you’ve already got better facilities than most other schools out there, can you stop ripping more money out of the hands of poorer schools that need it way more than you do”.

Elite schools. A bigger pile of wank you will never encounter.

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

Suncorp bringing in US assessors to review flood damage…
what’s all that about.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Maybe they’ll use the ones with proven experience…from Hurricane Katrina.

Or recruit them from the their private health funds…they sure know how to withhold paying out on claims, minimising their cover.

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

…and if welfare is about to be cut, should we hurry up and have a little Gympie Bloodfart?
I’d hate to miss out.

8 02 2011
Nelson Esq

What TBL is trying to point out is the hypocracy of the bogan; screams ‘Buy Australian’ and then buys imported products. The problem with the post is that the products that are pointed out, such as the Japanese TV, is that there is no alternative Australian product and an imported one is the only choice.

I believe that most Australians (like myself) would prefer to buy an Australian made product over an imported one where and when they can and are prepared to pay a premium when their budget allows. At times the price differentiation is so great that it can be hard to justify for ‘working families’. Case in point: I was looking at buying a new doona a couple of years ago. The shop had 5 different brands, of which 4 were Chinese and 1 was Australian made. The Australian made doona was approx $30 more than the most expensive Chinese one. I bit the bullet and bought the Australian one, simply because it was Australian made and I want to support the local manufacturer. I suppose I’m lucky that I had the disposable income to be able to afford it at the time, but I can fully understand that some people simply don’t have the luxury of the extra $30 required to buy the Australian doona. And that principle applies to all Australian products with a foreign competitor; whether it be an everyday food item or an expensive luxury good.

Yes, I understand economies of scale, foreign ownership of Australian businesses, free trade agreements and competitive advantage and that Australia can’t produce everything it cosumes. I know I didn’t put a Chinese guy out of a job with my Australian made purchase and it may have only put off the inevitable closure of the Australian doona factory (sweat shop?) for another day, but at least that’s one more day the Australian is in a job and paying taxes and not being a recipient of my taxes by the way of the dole. That in itself is worth more than the extra $30 now not in my pocket. As an Australian I’m proud of my country and want to see it prosper, therefore I’m proud of my decision to buy Australian made when and where I can and by doing so, it does not make me racist.

China will continue to prosper without Australians buying some of its goods. However, Australia will not prosper if there are not enough Australians buying Australian made. You may hate the ‘Bev Marks Australia’ style jingoism that has to go on to promote Australian made goods, but it is needed to inform the consumer of it’s choices and the selling point of the product; that it IS Australian. Australian or Foreign? You make the choice.

8 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

This is what I try to do myself.

8 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Good on ya, Ash!

My ‘buy Australian’ bent has even extended to what booze I drink these days too. My beers of choice are from local microbrewers; support the little guys and stuff the big brewers with their chemical infused shit and locally brewed foreign beers which they have to pay licence fees to foreign breweries for the rights.

Being a Melbourne boy, I have jumped off the pretentious Marlborough NZ Semillion Sauvignon Blanc bandwagon and gone localvore with Yarra Valley whites and Heathcote Shiraz’s as well.

My spirit of choice is normally Whisky, but for a change I went bogue and tried Bundaberg Red a few weeks back. Not bad! Have to say, I do like my whisky and I’ll definitely have to go back to Scotch and Irish again, as the Tasmanian Whiskies are just too dear to drink in the volumes I have grown accustomed to. Having said that, I have a bottle of Lark from Hobart for a special occassion dram!

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I like the Ausbuy Guide to Australian goods: this explicitly only contains goods that are both made and owned in this country. No cheap jingoistic browbeating and shallow nationalism, just a simple motive to maintain local industry for the greater good of society (i.e. maintain employment and diversity of industry, emphasise quality and suitability of local product and improve competition via reducing the stranglehold of monopolistic multinationals).

This worthwhile campaign, whilst not as visible as the green-and-gold triangle, has more depth of credibility, as the latter allows locally-made goods under foreign ownership to qualify for the “Australian Made” sticker.

9 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

What sort of beers have you been getting into Nelson? Hard to find a decent beer these days that isn’t at least part owned by a foreign company. James Squire/MSB, Matilda Bay, Barefoot brewers, even Little Creatures are all at least part owned by overseas interests. Stone and Wood are probably my favourite at the moment, mainly because they’re from my hometown.

My uncle-in-law works in a club, he reckons the Bundy rep told him that the flavour of Bundy Red was intended to win over traditional scotch and bourbon drinkers.

9 02 2011
Nelson Esq

WA and Vic are where the microbrewing industry is booming. I think the market will become saturated soon and you’ll see some exiting as they won’t be able to be profitable.

I’m not sure what microbrews you’d be able to find in ‘berra, but Snowy Mountain Brewery comes to mind as probably being the closest and most likely to be sold there. They do some good brews. Their red ale is my favourite of theirs.

Good Vic Brewers (in no particular order) which you may find in a good liquor store- Mountain Goat, Jamieson, Bright Brewery, Hargraves Hill, 2 Brothers, Otway, Bridge Road Brewery.

On a recent trip to Tas, I tried MooBrew’s pale ale and wheat beer, which I have seen for sale in Vic. Also went to the Iron House brewery, which had some of the best microbeers I have tried in ages.

9 02 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Cheers, we’ve got one bottle-o who sell microbrews from all over oz, so i’ve tried a few of those actually. What did you think of the moo brew pale? I thought it was hideous to be honest, which says a lot, because i’m a big pale fan.

Have you tried the Bridge Road Brewers saison? It and their biere de garde are excellent. I’ve really been enjoying them on the odd occasions where we’ve had some weekend sunshine.

Also, if you like wits, 2 Brother’s trickster was very nice when i tried it, as well as Feral’s white.

8 02 2011
martin

I’m a bastard when it comes to groceries. The other day I bought the Chinese Coles plain branded canned asparagus, it was something like $1.80 vs nearly $4 for the Australian one. I don’t want to pay too much just for a bit of asparagus on the side of my plate when I eat chicken or steak and salad, and given how much the bogan, machievellian style part of the culture has pervaded this country, I just don’t trust anybody. For all I know the asparagus farmer has a porsche and 5 investment properties, maybe if they showed us their accounting books on internet and if they were truly struggling, maybe more people would be supportive.

But then again who knows when *you* and your job is going to be sold out. How will you feel if you bought Australian and you end up impoverished and no one gives a toss about you?

There’s a big demand overseas for wool and dare I say lamb. Lamb is really expensive, so I guess that’s just globalisation, the sheep farmer wins big and the other farmers get screwed.

9 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Tinned asparagus? Do yourself a favour and buy it fresh.

I doubt the lamb farmers make nearly as much as they deserve, considering what we’re willing to pay.

9 02 2011
martin

Paid about $16 for 8 lamb chops the other day. I reckon they’d be doing pretty well.

9 02 2011
AlyssaKT

yeah not too bad;

Fiona Myers | February 9, 2011

“SUMMER lamb prices have continued to spike, as buyers scramble to secure rain-depleted supplies.

Monday’s Bendigo market produced a record of $231.60 for a pen of 62 lambs, with an estimated carcass weight of 36kg, and a $26 skin.

The lambs returned an estimated 540c/kg carcass weight.”

http://www.weeklytimesnow.com.au/article/2011/02/09/292761_sheep.html

$5.40 per kilo from the farmer = $32 (?) per kilo of lamb chops at the supermarket?

9 02 2011
martin

Ok, you win most likely. Although I don’t know what overheads the farmer has and coles/woolies has. I guess for a start they have to pay some wanker to be CEO on $10million a year, or do they.

I guess having to live in the country would suck. My ancestors were sheep farmers, they sold the farm in Condobolin and were able to buy a pretty snazzy place overlooking one of the beaches on the northern beaches. But that was back when Australia had like 5 people in the 60s.

Anyway how hard is it to raise sheep? My grandfather did it and he wasn’t too bright.

Meh, about ten million variables.

I just think you’ve got to watch out for the romanticised mentality that traditional blue collar workers are so hard done by, because now we have cashed up bogans making more and sometimes heaps more than white collars who did the hard yards to get the good marks at school and to go through uni. Until such time as I see hard data I shall remain sceptical and shall stick with my cheap shit Chinese asparagus.

9 02 2011
James Hunter

Martin, You did not seriouslymean that? “It carnt be that difficult to raise sheep ”
Heres me thinking you were an intelligent comentator

9 02 2011
martin

What’s so hard about it James? I don’t know much about it. I’m not saying it should be paid minimum wage, it should be paid well but not overly well. It doesn’t look like rocket science.

9 02 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Not picking on you personally but so many,well,most, city people have the same or similar ideas.
First you need the farm and to grow lamb you need good land in an area with reasonable rain fall. so a few thousand acres of that is more then you will get by tradin a street full of McMansions.
Then you need water and feed. The water means dams and pumps and troughs .all require upkeep even the dams .
Then teh feed. The grass need to be planted and fertilised. The sheep need to be rotated into freash pasture and out of eaten down padocks both to spell the grass and as part of parasite controll.
All the sheep handling needs staff, dogs and motorbikes. Horses are esential for cattle but we stick with sheep hjere.
Then the breeding stock. Typical is a cross breed ewe from say a marino mum and a dorderlecister dad. that cros bred ewe make a great mum and often throws twins. The Rams for muttom some type of poll short coated thig worth stousands each.
The breeding has to be at the right time of the year and make sure you have enough rams to go round. Then the Lambing. Bring the heard closer to shelter and closer to the homestead so that you can check at least twice a day for mums in birthing dificulty. If you find one give a hand. If you foinf lambs abandoned as sometimes happens with multiple births then bring them back to the home for hand feeding.
Then the drenching for worms and liver fluke. regularly. Then the daily grind of checking for fly strike and on the spot treating out on the “run”.
Then eventually shearing. round up sheep under sheds overnight to make sure they are dry and clean into the shearing shed. shear, Brand each sheep before taking back to pasture. The wool needs classing and packing, labling then loading on transport. The shearers are contractors and need finding scheduling for your farm, feeding and housing while on the job.
The lambs need their tails cutting off while very young to keep them clean. Time for market the lambs need sorting into sizes and thos ready go to market in a hired truck. Agent sellsthem and after commission you get a cheque.
While all that is going on the normal farm things like cutting fire breaks eacjh year and maintaining fences. growing cutting and storing hay for winter feed and for drought contingency.
But never mind you have the benifits , pay for you kids to go to private schools because there is no high school where you live. Travel hours to get to a doctor and days for an MRI .You will need a big pantry and freezer cause the shops are a whole day out to go there and back . Oh you will have to spare the time to make your own bread cause there aint none. ditto if you dont like UHT milk get a cow. Which is what we all used to do as there was no UHT.
No mobile coverage and dial up internet. That is a sumary. hope it helps.

9 02 2011
martin

What happens to sheep meat?

Is mutton too tough for human cinsumption?

9 02 2011
James Hunter

Martin, Sheep meat, Good question. Mutton is not bad if you get a lean one and cook it slowly and long .
Generally it is too tough and has a stronger flavour then people are accoustomed to. The old sheep that are past useful ness,(typically when they start to lose teeth as that means they cant feed themselves) are sold of to canning works where they make them into pet food. Some older sheep are sent to overseas markets that like the strong flavour and the cheap price.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

Mutton’s alright mate!
more flavour.
you dont see it much.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

and I love saying Hoggett!

10 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I see mutton every day on the Gold Coast!

10 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I had tinned asparagus once – the colour was off, the texture was revolting, and the smell was putrid! Tinned asparagus is the stuff that makes people’s pee stink!
I never have issue with the fresh stuff – lightly steamed or grilled, a crack of salt and pepper. So yummy.

My research I thought proved you right, actually. Record prices for lamb…

I call blue collar workers “orange collar” now. Because they are.

8 02 2011
Lola

“As an Australian I’m proud of my country and want to see it prosper, therefore I’m proud of my decision to buy Australian made when and where I can and by doing so, it does not make me racist. ” (Nelson Esq)

Do people seriously equate wanting to buy Australian with racism? The R word has become almost completely meaningless now, encompassing everything from middle-class self-hate to genuine Hitleresque obscenity.

9 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I agree, Lola. People (both minorities and left-wing whites) have thrown the word around so much that it no longer has any meaning.

9 02 2011
Nelson Esq

Lola, you may be a little confused with what I meant when I wrote, ‘it does not make me racist’. It was written in accord with the actual TBL blog, in which TBL implies that the bogan is racist and cries “Buy Australian”, but its sentiment really is xenophobic and anti-everyone who is not Australian. I too cry out ‘Buy Australian’ but my view is not negative or anti-anyone else, but pro Australian manufacturers.

9 02 2011
martin

I find it pretty offensive the way the word racism get’s thrown about. It’s so often used like some magic word used to shut down an argument. Like an “I win” button in computer gaming parlance.

9 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

It’s the modern day Godwin’s Law.

8 02 2011
TheBattlersPrince

I’m surprised no one has mentioned Dick Smith yet…

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

and then there’s Dick Smith….

8 02 2011
Pandabater

If I may? This one is it. Gold.

8 02 2011
Gardening at the Edge of Doom

poor ‘ol Dick.
do we remember which year it was he responded to the Salvo’s announced shortfall in donations by making up the difference himself?
Over a Million from memory.
what became of his Ozimite etc?

8 02 2011
martin

I’m a big fan of Dick, but I think he kind of stuffed up by putting his face on the packaging. I don’t want to see his face when I’m eating.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

I get that Martin, but now and then we don’t mind sitting a jar o’ Ozimite on the bedside table…

9 02 2011
martin

You spread your ozimite on your toast in bed?

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

well that’s not all we do with it…

9 02 2011
Pandabater

Slogan Time.

“Keep a jar of Dick beside your bed, just in case”

“Bedside Dick, keep one close”

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

we love your salty yeast Dick!

9 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Dick Heads matches FTW

Dick Cheese = fail

9 02 2011
martin

I miss Dick Heads. Haven’t seen them for ages.

9 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Apparently Ben Elton did a show full of dick jokes last night and none of them were funny. Remember when he had talent. The 80’s I think.

9 02 2011
martin

Yeah I saw half of it it I didn’t mind Ben but the other comedians were kind of shit.

I guess we’ll all just have to wait for Chris Lilley to make something new.

9 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I saw the first 5 mins after Top Gear and it was looking pretty bad for Ben then. I went off to read a book in bed instead. (no vegemite)

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

drag.
I used to dig ben elton.
and you really should get a big black salty dick
smith vegemite simon.
double drag

9 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

There actually was (or there still may well be) Dick Smith Cheddar Cheese.

As for Dick-Heads Matches: “A barbeque is not complete without Dick-Heads!”

9 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Bag O,

Here is a nice Rickenbacker just for you. Song is about the dangers of Reality TV, very cool.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

hey simon this is for you. did you know, on the sonic youth demo for dirty this tune was called
“blowjob”? do you think we’ve been cut to Post x 1 + quiz?

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

damn. I always do that.

9 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks dude, won’t play on crappy IPhone so will view tomorrow. The boys have got real slack. Remember when posts went up at 9 no fail. Re the mattress assume you mean #124 with marmite?

10 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

certainly Marmite or possibly Bonox. she’s english after all.

10 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Idiot, a fact I did not know.

Here is one for you, very raw.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

excellent.
Adalita eh?
my beloved Edna was one of those hot little chicks in the skinny jeans we used to be embarrassed about perving on at the Magic Dirt gigs back in the day.
Big Fan.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

just to beat you to the pixies. this one reminds me of me and Edna in our courtin’ days. Where’s V’v?

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

did it again

11 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Thanks Simon! Pretty good that!

The Rick is a six-string 425 solid-body, one of their lesser-celebrated models, but a top rhythm axe, simple and neat in looks and sound.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I knew you would appreciate Bag’O.

Cheers for the Pixies Chubs.

V’v, Shirl, Hel, all AWOL it seems. Also waiting for Hel’s photo essay from Bali. She has got as slack as TBL with delivery. Cmon, need a smile today dudes.

10 02 2011
AlyssaKT

I know about the cheese… that’s why I said it…

8 02 2011
Pandabater

If the Bogan can’t buy Australian he will badge
it Australian anyway, hence imported cars with
Southern Cross stickers on them.

8 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Nothing says “Strayan” like a Conformadore, with both the Aussie Swazi on the window and a Chevy badge on the bootlid. Runner-up is the boguette also with the Aussie Swaz-sticker, but with the Holden-badged Daewoo.

(A rare—and most contradictory—combination, but I have indeed witnessed a couple examples motoring around Perth in recent times.)

9 02 2011
Rob

Hey BOT yer in Perth too-a town just heaving wiv bogans, reference TBL #60 Going To Work In The Mines.
Wall to wall SS utes towing jet skis and laying rubber up and down my street 24/7, living in 100% mortgage McMansions in McSuburbs a $150 one way cab fare from the fly in fly out airport. The flight to the mine leaves at 5:00am, so Shazza gets up really early, and drives Dazza there, and off we go, to spend two weeks driving a max big truck round and round in circles, 12 hours a day, minimal thinking required. Earns about what a tradesman would in town, for 40hrs a week.
However, Dazza gets 7 days off a month, to join the wall to wall SS utes towing jet skis and laying rubber up and down my street 24/7, a situation that gives him an immense bogan reason for being.
F..k it, I’m moving to somewhere third world, where the bogans aspire to a small motor scooter, and there’s no room on the roads for exceeding 40kph, let alone laying rubber.

11 02 2011
Mick

Tasmama?

11 02 2011
Mick

Tasmania. Damn.

Stupid bogan smart-phone.

11 02 2011
Rob

Was thinking New Zealand, Mick.
Anywhere away from this hot, dry, windy, ripoff expensive bogan central s!@#thole called Perth will do.
Maybe even Tasmania. Apparently, it rains there.

16 02 2011
GoldCoaster

In the third world they aspire to eat.

8 02 2011
p'bee

great stuff, tbl.

8 02 2011
Rudiger

Bogans like to use the term Un-Australian when they want to whinge and complain about something

8 02 2011
Lola

It’s not just bogans Rudiger. ‘Un-Australian’ like ‘racism’ covers so much shit now it’s almost devoid of meaning except: “I don’t agree with you so I’ll use an emotionally charged word to diss you personally”.

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

“One hundred idiots make idiotic plans and carry them out. All but one justly fail. The hundredth idiot, whose plan succeeded through pure luck, is immediately convinced he’s a genius.”

Iain M Banks – MATTER

Gold

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

pray that funky aliens come and give us all MDMA glands.

9 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Another bogan trait – Buying a Guitar.

I just started teaching guitar last week to help pay the rent. So far I’ve taught five students, two of whom are called Brayden or some variant, two others (one Brayden) have asked me to teach them “Sex On Fire” before they even know anything more than G, D and A chords, one of whom has a $2000 Fender Stratocaster that’s worth double what my guitar’s worth (and that was a 18th birthday gift from my dad, and a BIG present) and doesn’t have a clue how to take care of it…if I didn’t need the cash I’d never have started.

10 02 2011
martin

I hate those people. They’re probably the same types that get an $80k car while they’re on their p’s and are effectively bought the hottest girls on a plate.

Those bogan idiots, if they ever try to take doing the band thing seriously just want to copy what every other band does instead of doing something new and interesting. They take to it like it’s some sort of a mindless manufacturing job. No wonder people listen to techno when they go out these days, bands are shit because of bogans buying instruments.

10 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

specifically a Strat (copy)

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Strat or Les Paul, Chubmeister. All five of my students have some variant of them all. One (the least bogan of the lot) has an old LP that was a hand me down from his dad, another has one of those faux-gothic Epiphone LPs which I believe are about a grand, the rest all have Strats. Not even Squier starter packs – two have Fender Mexican Stratocasters and the last has the aforementioned $2000 Fender American.

My first guitar was a $200 starter pack, no brand model. I worked my arse off through school to afford a second hand Ibanez JEM copy, and Dad gave me a Schecter C-1 for my 18th.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

No BC Rich Warlocks or Fender Flying Vs?

My first was an LP copy the brand was BigSound.
If you squinted and shook your head you could almost pretend it said gibson. I put tape over it. Think it cast $200 as well with a 10 watt amp.

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

None yet, but don’t diss Flying Vs – while I agree the super pointy ones are uber-tacky, the classic Flying V design (by Gibson, not Fender) is a thing of beauty.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

corrected twice in one week!
I should google before I post.

not dissin’!
horns up!

11 02 2011
Bag O'Turnips

My first bass was given a present from a family friend nearly 20 years ago, a 70s Ibanez copy of a Gibson EB-3, which has a ¾ scale neck…not the most convincing bass sound there; never really learnt to play on it.

Next about for years ago was a no-name (Magnum) P-Bass copy, which I bought cheaply at Crime Converters: for a el-cheapo copy, this one plays surprisingly well and was finished with tobacco sunburst and tortoiseshell pickguard similar to a classic 1962 Precision (which now is a Fender reissue model of some renown). This is where I began to learn all about bass in earnest, not too bad a place to start…this, like the Ibanez, I still have, although almost never play it.

The third bass however I did not keep for very long: another Fender copy, but this time a Monterey Jazz, bought new in a translucent cherry finish. I was never much enamoured of neither the sound nor feel of this bass, although the thinner neck suited my smallish fingers: I sold that nearly two years ago after only six months of having it.

In November ’09, I decided to bite the bullet and finally get what I always wanted: no, not a ’62 Precision reissue…tasteful as they are (this is bass, after all, James Jamerson played on all those great 60s Motown hits), my heart and ears were always drawn to the Rickenbacker. Yes, they are a pricey guitar, but the hand-finished craftsmanship is worth it alone and they are tricky to get a hold of, especially in Australia, as there’s no local distributor and even if there were, you’d usually have about a twelve month wait (so no easy instant gratification one can get from an easily-found Fender or Gibson). As a consequence, this one was secondhand, but that’s seldom a problem with Ricks, as one almost never loses money on them and the one I stumbled upon was also a reissue model from 2000, a Mapleglo (i.e. natural maple finish) 4001 V63, which is basically a faithful reproduction of the ’63 model Rickenbacker bass like Paul McCartney, John Entwhistle, Chris Squire and Roger Waters played. Sure, I had to part with $3500, but it is completely worth it! Beyond the fact that it was in unmodified excellent condition (negligible wear) complete with a vintage hard silver Tolex roadcase lined with blue velvet, it has those true period Rick sounds that made them distinctive and famous, with the “toaster” pickup for the full resonant bass and the “horseshoe” for the almost-piano like detail highs when scaling high on the fretboard. Sounded even better when I restrung it with Tomastik-Infeld Jazz semi-flatwounds: gives added creaminess to slightly smooth off the otherwise trebly tendencies of the Rick bass sound and gives the already full bass tones even more of a gut punch.

These superlatives were somewhat academic to me at first, as I had no real purpose to purchase such an expensive professional instrument—heck, I didn’t even jam with others and wasn’t taking any lessons either! This, however, was remedied about seven months ago when I joined a community band. From this, my playing has a purpose and subsequently has come alive, plus I have made some new friends out of this; one of them later invited me to join a weekly garage jam session he had been going to and I’ve also kept on with that, where the format is a bit looser but much freer to experiment across genres (especially when we give it some herbs).

Now I feel that the instrument has been a justified purchase and has become a vital extension of my persona. It’s a delightful experience to make music: be it covers or improvising, when I get a groove going, I simply become carried away and get in the zone. And having a top-shelf instrument when you acquire the skills of playing lends a broader palette of musical expression and sonic texture, of which although not universally appreciated, the Rickenbacker’s is nevertheless compelling and unmistakeable.

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Rics are beautiful instruments. Not really my thing, mind you, but I can see their appeal for sure. I used to jam with a guy who had an Italia copy of a Rickenbacker 360 and that was mad enough.

My dream is a Fender Jazzmaster.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Bag’O, whilst I am not a musician I know what you are talking about in my experience with bikes.

I took it up 2 years ago and bought a piece of handmade Italian brilliance from a racer I know who had upgradeitis and treats his gear with kid gloves so I got topline stuff for secondhand value. As it was my first road bike I did not really appreciate it until it was in the shop and I got a loaner Giant cheap model. Then I could see where the money went. The ride experience is chalk and cheese.

The moral of the story is that if it is something you love buying great gear is always worth it because the experience is enriched.

11 02 2011
chris

Yup. They be a thing of beauty. And then there’s the LA tragics with their Livestrong bling wobbling around on a $15k Madone. Pffft.
Here’s some old-school p0rn, Si:

http://autobus.cyclingnews.com/sponsors/italia/colnago02/?id=bikes

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cool, a Colnalgo man huh.

This be me (diff colour and wheels though).

http://www.daccordicicli.com/eng/carbonio_grinta_bike.html

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And Chris, see entry 2010 A year in Review for my Cafe Racer rant if you have not already.

11 02 2011
martin

My first bass was a $200 or so Samick and amp package. The sound was dead and hollow and the frets buzzed from about 3/4 down the neck and onwards. What a piece of shit! I don’t think they even sell Samicks anymore. They were probably considered child abuse so it’s probably fair enough that all these little shits have good guitars. Or maybe they have parents who got burnt buying a rubbish guitar back in the 80s and 90s.

I eventually got a Fender Prodigy, they don’t make them anymore either, they had a short run, it was ok, good enough for playing grunge and alternative which was the flavour of the day back in the early-mid 90s. The neck was great, I could play a lot faster and depress the strings a lot easier, but it didn’t really give that warm and punchy sound that a proper bass does like a Fender Jazz, MusicMan Stringray or a Rickenbacker does. Being a bum student at the time $2k-$3k was well out of my league especially when I had more important things to spend my money on like pot and partying.

I hate music these days so I’ll probably never take it up again and get a good bass. I’d probably want at least $5k just for the bass and the amp, plus pedals, plus I liked to slap and so I was hard on the strings and they’re not cheap at $50 or so. Plus there’s not really anywhere to play, people don’t really go out to see bands anymore. I guess there’s nothing to say anymore, the left had it’s way, it got defeated and was quite futile in others, and you can only go so far left. I wonder if you could write a popular song about middle class welfare, like negative gearing, other stuff like overpopulation, euthenasia, peak oil, and all the stuff that might be considered at the forefront of social progressiveness today. It was just so much more sexy and easier to say “yeaaah let’s all love the non white people and capitalism sucks!”

11 02 2011
lolplates

When i was in High School playing in bands every one wanted Gibsons and Fenders, Ibanez RG 1750 Prestige (Sparkly Blue) with a Mesa Boogie Stack were my weapons of choice.

Those Mesa engineering amps are wicked, big sound and mixed with the Wizzard neck on an RG the shreads were fast, lound and sweepy.

Always wanted a Caparrison Horus so I could play Arch Enemy stuff to get those 27th fret sounds.
The other guitar I wanted was a custom shop PRS with the dragon inlay that the guys from cradle of filth had.

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I run a rack rig myself – a Soldano SP-77 preamp and a Mesa V-Twin power amp into a cabinet I built myself with Celestion V30 speakers.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I want Neil Youngs Old Black. That guitar just sounds nasty.

Jazzmaster – Is that what Sonic Youth use a fair bit?

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Yeah, especially the early days. A lot of 80s/90s alternative bands use them cause they were cheap as back then.

11 02 2011
lolplates

I love Celestions. Been ages since I have played my guitar. Ill get it serviced and get emg pickups on there, then it is time to harass my fellow unit dwellers with the earthshaking sound of a mesa at full overdrive. 🙂

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Yeah, that’s the reason I keep a small Epiphone Valve Jr around. Can’t afford to get evicted.

9 02 2011
Pandabater

A Current Affair is my new favorite show.

They described Warnies invite to Liz to
visit as a millionaires booty call.

Shazam!!

9 02 2011
The Hundredth Idiot

hysterical.
nine news reported he had a new mattress delivered.
new lows.
hey! guess what? they are doing it right now!
betcha.

10 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

The whole Warnie/Liz Hurley saga has me even more convinced than ever that Warnie fancies himself as Austin Powers.

10 02 2011
Matt

Australia, a society in which stupid people easily out-breed the intelligent. Stay tuned.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Thanks to the baby bonus, it’s happening already. Our society is gonna be unlivable in a few years when the baby bonus generation reach bogan crime age ie 12 +.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Or earlier.

10 02 2011
martin

We should can the dole for anyone called Brayden and Jayden and so on, then create factories and sweat shops for them to work in for $2 an hour.

10 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

preferably in Nauru.

10 02 2011
AlyssaKT

Stupid people out-breed the intelligent in every country.
The difference is that they are pandered to here, encouraged and accommodated.

10 02 2011
does my mind look big in this?

Tod Sampson on The Gruen Transfer: “The more people think, the less they buy.”
Idiots are pandered to, encouraged and accommodated everywhere I reckon.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Yes, poverty usually keeps stupid people quiet in other countries, whereas here it is what you said, Alyssa. In Australia, pandering to them equals votes.

10 02 2011
Blueballs

I cannot see how it benefits society to encourage the underclass to breed.

I’m a fan of a ‘Birth Tax’ basically household earning under a set wage (say 55k?) would be taxed $2500 per baby, same with households earning over a set income ($150k?) Naturally there would be no exemptions for welfare recipients. The scum would think twice about breeding at 16 if it meant their supply of durries would be financially restricted and their dole money reduced to a trickle.

Same with a death tax, an exemption if your under 20 or over 50, but between those ages, your family is taxed if you die of non-natural causes ( admittedly the term natural causes in a bogan context could mean ‘driving drunks at 150km/h…)

10 02 2011
Matt

Please breed responsibly.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

Oh My God!
this is just awesome!
for about two minutes.

http://gobarbra.com/hit/new-b1a0f3257f3d84aea6d29f37d336559e

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

Andrew Bolt- “Has Australia ever had almost every big news outlets parked outside someone’s bedroom, listening for groans? We cross to Channel 10’s Candice Wyatt outside Shane Warne’s house to court the press pack, and find that the ABC is about the only one missing”.

10 02 2011
GoldCoaster

Good on ABC. They’re off getting the real news.

10 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

who could have imagined Bolt would have ever said anything worthwhile.
Crazy Times Peeps.

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Throw enough shit around, something’s gotta eventually hit the target.

11 02 2011
Tom

Small correction – the Lithgow Small Arms Factory made Lee Enfield rifles for the Australian military since 1912, so there was a good chance that by Gallipoli the Diggers would have indeed been carrying Australian-made rifles.

11 02 2011
Pandabater

What’s goin on TBL?
It can’t take all 6 of you
to chase Warnie & Liz
all over Melbourne.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

This is bullcrap. It’s fookin unoozztraylian.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Warnie knows secret
To a good catch in his bed
Don’t snatch the Bonox

11 02 2011
Pandabater

Liz knows secret too
To catch & bed a spinner
Bonox in the snatch

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

OOOH, beefy!

11 02 2011
Pandabater

Surf ‘n’ Turf

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Dude – Best comment Evah!

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Warnie likes to eat
Pommie Surf & Turf to start
Sticky Date Pudding.

11 02 2011
Pandabater

That is the one Tweet
I don’t ever want to read.
Keep to yourself Shane

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Warnie thinks that
He’s Austin Powers. Liz Hurley
Is shagadelic.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Liz Hurley shagged
Every celeb in Britian
Australias turn.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Panda gets Lizzy
Glasser waits patiently for
Amy Pond to come

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Roses are red
Warnie’s true blue
Liz Hurley will
Never fark you…

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Liz Hurley slides down
Roots every celeb in town
The Glasser says no
Liz you must go
Peter Andre will be the next clown

11 02 2011
Pandabater

If Simon says no
Panda will be happy to
take one for the team

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Panda gets Lizzy
Glasser waits patiently for
Amy Pond to come

11 02 2011
Pandabater

Unfortunately
Amy only on tv
Simon needs to glass

11 02 2011
Mick

The top shelf selections on a CD display I spotted in a roadhouse in the middle of the Pilbera.

Essential Power Ballads.
Best BBQ Songs Volume 4
20 Years Of Kevin Bloody Wilson

Evolution took a rest up here.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Where is the Slim? When I was up there it was always Slim’s entire back catalogue.

11 02 2011
Mick

That’s old school.

New Age Bogans rule now.

11 02 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The grey gonads used to love their Slim to go with their f*ckin Macca all over *glass*

11 02 2011
chubbybloodfart

I will report that grey gonads will often bust out slim dusty to their own accompaniments on guitar and sometimes harmonica as the sun a-westers and the goon bags flow.
woeful.
then they all lemonparty.
probably.

21 02 2011
Mike

I find this humorous, because most bogans live on the dole. But if you are disagreeing with buying Australian made, then you are a complete moron, as we still do need to buy Australian made products more than anything at the moment.

2 03 2011
Jim

Protectionist Australia. There are so many companies here whose market dominance would violate U.S. anti-trust laws. Woolworth’s is a major example (owning not just the supermarket, but several other businesses as well), and the Fosters/Lion-Nathan duopoly (owning both breweries and bars) is another major case.

The so-called “quarantine” laws on food imports here are also a clear case of protectionism – safeguarding Australian agriculture my arse… more like artificially propping up Aussie farmers and overpaid labourers that can’t compete.

11 03 2011
Charlie Shrapnal

Youare a loser rambling on about absolute BS

It’s not about your kids job – it is where the profits go. To an Australian company that pays taxes and will aid your superranuation fund so you retire without driving a taxi yourself you dumb twat

Personally, 34% of the value in my superannuation fund is tied up in unhedged international shares. TBL

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