#207 – Cheap Petrol

12 01 2011

It emerges from its cave. Primed for a successful hunt, the patient bogan is aware that it can sometimes take hours to find its desired prey. It searches down in the valleys and up on the hilltops, eyes alert, scanning the landscape, limbs supple, ready to spring. Despite countless potential distractions, the bogan remains focussed. By now the sun is high in the sky, and the bogan is becoming thirsty. Up ahead, it sees something, half-obscured by a bush, shimmering in the heat haze. Could it be what the bogan has searched so hard for? The bogan reaches for its weapon, and with adrenaline coursing through its veins, it sees that its 4 cents off fuel docket is still in date. The bogan pounces.

Petrol is more important to the bogan than anything else. A one cent rise in the price of petrol will cost the bogan numerous cents per week. Cents that could be used purchasing a vehicle with a more maxtreme fuel-swigging engine, or on upgrading to an even more grotesque McMansion 10km further from its workplace. While the bogan is perfectly happy to spend alarming amounts of money on anything Harvey Norman is offering interest free, domestically produced foreign label beer, or whatever Christian Audigier is foisting on it this season, subtle movements in the price of fuel induce a level of horror equivalent to that produced by multiple current affairs program segments running on multiple channels simultaneously.

The field of Boganomics is a landmine-strewn paddock with no defined boundaries, no farmer, and a mob of rabid beasts head butting each other intermittently. While the bogan has a vague awareness that petrol prices are the Arabs’ fault, it also knows that it’s the government’s fault. The greedy oil companies also get a healthy slice of the bogan’s blame. It’s certainly not the fault of the bogan’s penchant for energy consumption, or the economics of the earth’s geology. All that the bogan needs to know is that it’s getting ripped off, and wants justice. The kind of justice that delivers unto the bogan an endless stream of awesome, whilst simultaneously ensuring there are no consequences for its cretinous actions.

After idling in a queue for ten minutes, the bogan’s patriotic Chevrolet contains an extra 30 litres of fuel. As the proud bogan strides towards the counter, it knows that its financial prudence, along with its lengthy suburban hunt, has saved it over a dollar. But pride leads to complacency. The bogan’s previously steely focus is scuttled by the drinks fridge to the left, and the magazine rack to the right. It is reminded of its thirst. 90 seconds later, it waddles out clutching to its chest the massive cans on the front of a $6 lad’s magazine, and two massive cans of Mother.


Actions

Information

235 responses

12 01 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And a bottle containing 0.3c of water that it paid $5 for. PS: “… greedy oil companies”.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

Hi Fi , and greedy Coke Amatil, the drug company that profits everywhere

12 01 2011
SD

This totally describes my relos who waste litres of petrol looking for the cheapest outlet. Their immense joy on spotting a marginally low price for petrol used to alarm me when I first arrived here.

They alos get some strange booklets, I think these list slashed prices for groceries or something and it pretty much constitutes all of their reading.

12 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

(Wow! deja vu.)
TBL you haven’t realised that by picking up Boobie Digest and the Massive Mothers It gets an extra 4c/litre off.

(sincere Best Wishes to SEQ Un Bogues)

13 01 2011
Xavier

At Woolworths, the overall transaction is often cheaper when you spend $5 on cans to get the extra 4c off.

12 01 2011
Gorey

I love pulling up beside bogans in their Chevs and Falcons, and filling up my own Falcon for less than half what it costs them, with LPG.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

Gorey,
I admit to leaving my Citroen diesel to idel down longer then realy necessary then commenting ” Nah mate the engines not “F%$#ed” its a diesel. “Still I cant complain get about 6.4 ltrs on a trip”. That is often enough to cause a massive burn out when they leave. wankers.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

@James Hunter

Fine choice of car there for the dedicated Francophile motorist; I’d love to have a Citroën C6, just for the sheer perversion of having a diesel luxury car that looks the goods!

Can’t go past the DS or the SM for beauty and innovation, in my humble opinion. Very anti-bogan indeed.

13 01 2011
James Hunter

BOT,DS certainly was something thats for sure well that entire ID/DS series.SM OK if looked after properly. The C5 I have now is my second Citroen ,second C5 and we scored one of the few 2.2 ltr Biturbo diesel. goes like stink if you ask it the question but just as happy crusing along at 1800 rpm in 6th on the freeway.
One thing for sure at 500,000 km my engine will still have pleanty of life left while simial chevrodores will be trash.
95% 0f the body work is galvanised and many body panels are aluminium so the body work lasts as well.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Modern Citroën vehicles seem to have inherited the positive virtues of Peugeot, such as ruggedness and general reliability, thus the newer ones aren’t such scary propositions for those who aren’t on first name terms with French specialist mechanics, as for a time from the 70s until only the last decade, they were almost as fickle as Alfa Romeos in both quality and esoteric servicing.

The double chevrons become a bit staid in the late 90s and early 2000s, but huge advances in quality made them relevant once again and now that they have their design mojo back again, they’ve become deservedly popular once again in Australia.

I’m partial to diesels: I once did own a Mercedes-Benz W123 series 300D from 1980. Though it did sound agricultural (ergo my nickname of “Der Traktor” for it), had a grandfatherly image and was no better specified than a similar-sized contemporaneous Holden HZ Premier, it was unbreakable and could cruise all day long at speed, as well as tow very well with all that torque, having more pull than a fourteen year-old schoolboy!

13 01 2011
James Hunter

BOT, They are now part of PSA and share powertrains and platforms. The reliability is not a ploblem but with the proviso ,like most euro cars do need some servicing by people that know the vehicles. Not saying that aussie mechanics are stupid but lack of famililarity and lack of the compatible fault readers fot the diagnostics can all be a problem
Those old 300D mercs were bloody tanks. great cruisers and van tugs. way back when I bought a second hand 403 Pug as my first car tyhe local cabbie had a 190FD in Armidale. only diesel cab in town and he got heaps for it. Mind you he was still collecting fars with it ten years later after many many holdens and falcons had bitten dust.
You mention ficle alfas. FIATS were known as Fix It Again Tonys !!!

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I have an acronym for Alfas: Always likes Falling Apart.

My Dad, who was Italian, had three Fiats over the years: two 125 sedans and a 128 Sport coupé. The first 125 predated me, but the 128 was both fun and fragile in equal measure.

14 01 2011
lolplates

I’ve always like the 2Cv and the and the fiat 500 Abarth. There is something wholesome about those little cars.

15 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I believe that Citroën are looking to resurrect the 2CV, suitably brought to modern safety and emissions.

In recreating that, I hope they maintain the utilitarian ethos of the original, unlike what’s become of the New Beetle and BMW-backed Mini, whereby they’ve now been pitched as premium products with minimal resemblance to their progenitors. Besides, these days Citroën already have a spiritual successor in the form of the Berlingo people mover (not available here).

19 01 2011
stumanchu

I think you guys should take your car talk to the Wheels or Top Gear forum… tisk tisk

12 01 2011
michael

Arabs, the government and greedy corporates. The bogan doesn’t stand a chance!

12 01 2011
lolplates

I have to do the petrol station hunt too 😦 I need to get 98RON minimum, other wise my car pings and gets all upitty. Damn wogan chariot…

I remember having to do the search for leaded fuel back when the switch happened and lead replacement petrol and additive were not avaliable for Dad’s Austin Healy.

But I will not search for the cheapest, the cost of hunting around will negate any marginal savings at the bowser.

12 01 2011
hel

I also must only use 98 ron, just always go to BP. First time ever I used one of those fuel vouchers (my pensioner mum insisted) the other week. Filled up, the discount, a wopping $1.70. I would rather pay the extra $1.70 and not have my car fukll of sh*tty old bits of paper.

12 01 2011
Bogue-tastic

Foistering?

Just had to check that didn’t make it into the hard copy! Eep. – TBL

12 01 2011
Tone

They also like tax avoision.

12 01 2011
Jason

Avoision is a perfectly cromulent word.

13 01 2011
hel

yes, you’ve embiggened this chat with that comment Jason

12 01 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

The only thing the bogan loves nearly as much as cheap petrol is blasting the kid (or fucking Indian!) behind the counter when petrol prices go “through the roof!” The culmination of economic ignorance, racism and the smell of petrol is a volatile mix for the bogan. Lucky for Rajiv, those cans of mother arent glass…

12 01 2011
Andrea

I’ve been correcting the bogues who call my station co-worker a “f#!%$ing Indian”. Chath happens to be Sri Lankan and wears deodorant, unlike some of the locals…urgh.

12 01 2011
Common man

Wow,yes we understand the plague,
But written so preteniously really is no different.(superficial apperances)
Where’s the counter about hipsters clogging up our cities with one person
per vechile.Don’t they also use petrol to get to there entertainment?

12 01 2011
Clipper

Yes, it’s almost as bad as the plague of the broken spell check and the wrong use of there.

13 01 2011
hel

snap!

12 01 2011
bec

I thought the problem with those hipsters was that they all drove trendy little European cars that are especially fuel-efficient? Or that they’re all wanky cyclists or pedestrians? Or (quelle horreur) they’re just arts student bludgers on public transport?

I just don’t know anymore.

12 01 2011
Mr Q

Hmm. I own a (new) VW Polo, and have been known to cycle to work or catch public transport when the weather doesn’t suit. Does that mean the average bogue won’t like me?

12 01 2011
Pandabater

If you get in their way, yes.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You are the hipster poster boy Q. You are lucky no bogan has glassed ya ya carnt.

12 01 2011
Tombarina

If you dare venture into the path of Boganicus Rex, you’re a dead man.

The mere sight of a Polo, let alone a treadily, is indisputable evidence to the bogan that he, keeper of the Keepin’ It Real flame, is in the presence of a leftie treehugging intelleckshual poofta who’s never done a real day’s work in their life and wouldn’t know mad skillz if they bit them on the arse. Ergo, the bogan knows it is his job – nay, duty – to kick yours.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, what Tomba said.
Mad skilzz dude!

13 01 2011
The Court Jester

So true, Tomba.
Not to mention that if you’re an intellecksual poofta cyclist, then you’re ripping off hard-working true-blue ‘Strayans by not paying your fair share by way of registration fees.

The fact that your modest pushie is incapable of shredding up the road to anywhere near the extent of the V8 Bogan Chariot (especially when doing a fully sick burnout), the fact that you are reducing the demand for petrol (albeit slightly), and the fact that you are emitting less pollution are all inconsequential.
The bogan will continue to bay for your filthy left-wing blood as they howl about the injustices of not getting a ‘fair go’ because ‘them bloody cyclists who’re bludging offa our tax dollars’.

13 01 2011
Mr Q

Hmmm.

I wonder if I did agree to pay registration for my bike, if the average bogue would actually accept that I’m then allowed to use the roadway?

Actually, I don’t wonder that. I know they’d still try and run me over. Especially if they own that Hummer below.

Oh, did I mention that my Polo is diesel? So fuel dockets are useless to me – I’m sure if you told the average bogue that they’d have a tantrum in the petrol station.

13 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Not just the bogue Q. It has been well established that the only people who don’t hate cyclists are

Cyclists, the rest of the road going population would rather we f@cked off really.

13 01 2011
The Court Jester

I’ve noticed this phenomenon too.
And out of the 4 major cities that I’ve lived in, in my experience it’s motorists of the Crapital that seem to display the most hostility towards cyclists (reason #463 to hate Canberra).
On the rare occasion that I venture from the cycle paths onto the road, it’s only a matter of time before some corpulent arsehat clips me with their sideview mirror (or nearly does), honks at me for no apparent reason and/or bellows something inaudible as they scream past.

Also, you’re right Mr. Q. If cyclists paid rego then the bogan would merely select another reason from their arsenal to justify their hatred.

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Adelaide is wall to wall Lycra at the moment with the Tour Downunder starting Sunday. I just passed the Lampre boys. The bogan is outraged.

20 01 2011
Davo

I dont think the bogan understands the concept of left-wing or right-wing. They only know what suits them at that moment. I wear work clothes when i ride and still get abused. And it doesn’t matter if your on the road or a shared footpath, the bogan will always give you shit. I have a straight ride to work(with a bike lane) that takes me 15 mins, but i take a longer route that takes 25 mins just so i dont have to deal with fuckwits. The monster truck drivers picking kids up from school are the worst.

11 02 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Nah, NAB’s don’t get into fist fights. It messes up their hair.

If they can’t intimidate you with their fully huge guns, then they glass.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

CM, good to see you. Their vehicles ASRE their entertainment !!

12 01 2011
Miss Canada

“Did you know if you bring a Coles 4 Cent fuel discount to shell and spend just $2 in store, you can save an extra 2 cents per litre. Thats a saving of 6 cents per litre! Go well. Go Shell.”

Just scrolled down to that on facebook, weird.
Seems that fuel saving is all the rage.
Glad that I don’t own a car, personally 😀

12 01 2011
lolplates

I remember doing some number crunching a while ago with the whole shopper dockets and fuel savings.
Say a common fuel tank is 60L? At $1.20X 60= $72
with the 4cent discount it is 1.16/L *60= $69.6
saving of $2.4 but you spent what $100+ at the super market to get it? (I think it was this for a while)
With the extra $2 spent to get that extra 0.02 it is $68.4, which is around $3.60 saved but you had to spend $2, which bring it down to $1.60 lol. Maths is correct yes? Please correct if wrong.
Then there is the reduced fuel efficiecy of e10 and the increase in food stuffs from through ethanol production.

12 01 2011
AnotherJess

I tested this in my little four cylinder car (probably beneath Bogan contempt, BTW) and found that although 95 RON gave better fuel efficiency than e10, it wasn’t enough better to warrant the extra price. YMMV – hey, that’s the first time I’ve been able to use that in the correct context! My bike, however, requires 95. It’s expensive keeping a high class Italian mistress…

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

I recall reading in a car mag a couple of years ago a fuel economy / value comparison between 92, 95 & 98 RON fuel being run in 3 Ford cars; a Fiesta, Focus and Falcon. All 3 cars were filled with each fuel and then run dry. Given the mileage achieved on each tank and price differentiation between the fuels, from memory think it was the 95 RON that gave the best value per km on at least 2 of the 3 cars. 98 was the best on the other.

I’ve attempted similar comparisons in my Commodore and came to a similar conclusion. I avoid using 92 RON fuel; it gives the worst mileage and the car runs roughly on the stuff. And given I choose to paying more for either 95 or 98 fuel, a 4c docket does ease the pain by a few bucks a tank!

12 01 2011
lolplates

There are a few problems with e10 etc. You get less milage from e10 due to the fact that ethanol has contains less energy per mole than its heavier cousin Petrol.
As an aside in the effort for v8 supercars to go “green” they switched to E85,if I recall correctly they ended up increasing their fuel burn by 30 odd % to get the same power!!! Green my ass!
I dislike ethanol as a fuel from a social standpoint, purely as it is produced from crops which can be used as food stuffs furhter inflating costs of basic grains.
Wasn’t there problems in Africa due to this? Or am I imagining things again?

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

Ethanol can be made from almost any food crop. In Brazil they use corn. In Australia ethanol is sugar based. However the sugar cane used is already a by-product for sugar production from consumption. So ethanol production here actually recycling something that would otherwise be thrown away, burned or just gone to waste. No extra land is used to plant sugar cane solely for fuel production. That in itself is pretty green.

You’d hope the ethanol made in Brazil is made used corn left over from making corn chips, fajitas or something!

12 01 2011
Benjamin

They use sugar cane in Brazil too, but all of the cane, not just the by products:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethanol_fuel_in_Brazil

An interesting read…

12 01 2011
James Hunter

cars with “alcool” on the back everywhere over there.

12 01 2011
XXX

It’s laughable really! I have had this argument time and again with various people. The dockets are a scam. That is the reality of it. Bogan mother-in-law has a purse full of the damn things and it just makes me really angry that the supermarket chains take advantage of the stupidity of people like her.

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

They are a scam put onto the masses by large corporations *cue bogan rage*, but everyone is caught up in it whether you like it or not. We all buy groceries and petrol.
Near me there is a Safeway, a Coles and a not very good IGA. We have no preference between the big 2, but some weeks we do our shopping at Coles, other weeks at Safeway and we get the dockets. There are 3 petrol stations near us too, a Coles/Shell, Safeway/Caltex and a Mobil, all within a stones throw of each other and all advertising the same pre-voucher price for petrol. Where do we go to buy petrol? To the one which we have a discount voucher for. Have I bought into the con? Yep. Could I ‘protest’ by buying petrol at the Mobil. I could, but it’ll cost me an extra $3 a week everytime I pour 70 litres of fuel into my car!

Why do you knockback your M-I-L’s discount vouchers when she offers them to you? Unless there is no convenient Caltex or Shell, you’re basically you’re saying ‘I like to pay 4c per litre more for my petrol’. It’s not your $30 she’s spent at the supermarket, it’s hers. You’re looking a gift horse in the mouth!

12 01 2011
XXX

I live in Boronia. There are dozens of petrol stations near where I live. There is always somewhere that sells the petrol cheaper, even taking into account the 4 cents per litre discount. I refuse to be part of the huge commercial scam that is responsible for closing down so many independant retailers. You can be part of it if you like. I refuse to be a lemming.

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

Unlike me, it sounds like you’re spoiled for choice. Lucky you!

Years ago (pre-vouchers) I used to buy from an ‘independent’ near where I lived whose prices were usually 2c a litre cheaper than the big retailers…until I had to spend a small fortune to get my fuel system flushed and carburettor rebuilt because of all the muck in their holding tanks mixing with the petrol. I’m sure not all independents sell dirty fuel, but I went back to the majors after that.

12 01 2011
Kate

Actually my parents were dudded by a BP selling contaminated fuel. It’s the one on the corner of Burwood Hwy and Blackburn Rd, opposite 24 Hour Kmart. Their underground tanks were apparently contaminated with sand in them. It caused car problems…what exactly I can’t recall but it had to go to the mechanics. I don’t recall if they ever paid compensation to my parents for the repairs, but I think my parents complained about it.

So you can’t trust the majors either.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

In WA, there has been a Fuelwatch website, run by the Department of Consumer Protection, and prices must remain fixed at the day’s price from 6AM, until that time the next day. And it seems to work quite well.

I must confess that I do use vouchers. But they are from my local IGA store I usually go to and fill up at a small local chain, Peak, who both usually are cheaper than Coles-Shell and Caltex Woolworths, and also sell 98 RON petrol, which I use as it can be utilised well in my car, which has variable cam phasing and senses the higher octane fuel and runs correspondingly more economically (instead of an average of 8.6L/100km, it returns 7.8L/100km on my Mazda3).

12 01 2011
Andrea

My condolences. I’m in FTG and that’s bad enough. Worse is that I work weekends at the independent petrol station and put up with idiot bogans trying to give me Coles and Safeway dockets. Morons.

13 01 2011
XXX

Thanks Andrea, I happen to believe that there is no place in Australia that is more bogan than Boronia. A good day’s entertainment is watching the bogans at Boronia railway station,especially when they bring the drug sniffer dog along. You get a great view from the local gym. Kmart Boronia is pretty entertaining as well!

13 01 2011
lolplates

Or at a festival when the little beagles and labradors come out. Some people get so agro about being caught in possesion. Then they think it is the police’s fault when they od because they ‘have’ to drop them all at once so they don’t get caught.

I always get into trouble from the dog handlers from patting the sniffer dogs.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

I prefer to buy fuel at the local privately owned “National” servo. family business cheap fuel and most important i am not shlping woolies or colays to take over more of the market share.
same for groceries. I shop at Aldi, Franklins, IGA Foodworks. Anywhere but the big two.If we do not support tyhe smaller operators then soon therre will not be any then the prices realy will go up.

12 01 2011
Will S

When I used to work in retail, I once recall a gentleman getting angry at me because his total purchase price was only $28 something. He was mad because he “only bought them to get the fuel voucher” (you needed to spend $30). Yeah people are REALLY that dumb.

12 01 2011
shakPower

the bogan likes discount deals in general, hence the chaos boxing day brings. i used to work in a resturant offering half price dinner menu before 6:30 . ah the bogans come running in (even queue up before 5:30 to get in), and confirming its still half price about four times before ordering. then they used to tip me about 50 c and walk out with pride.
maybe TBL can explain this bogan phenomenon, tipping less than a dollar and beaming with pride, with a post?

12 01 2011
XXX

Ah yes! Not to mention half price cinema tickets on Tuesdays. My hubby used to drag me down to the cinema regardless of what shit was showing on that day!

12 01 2011
shakPower

HAHA, ah yes the good old cheap tuesday movies. i NEVER go to the cinemas on tuesdays. NEVER! they turn into absolute bogan paradise that day. once i did go when i was innocent and unaware of the bogan habits, felt like that chick in resident evil must feel, only human with zoombies all around. yes , my mates who dragged me there are bogans too unfortunately, still in denial though. i’ll break them someday……

12 01 2011
AntiPajero

Lol@zoombies

12 01 2011
lolplates

You should have seen the traffic jam on the way to DFO at homebush on the Dec 27th. Damn, all I wanted to do was to get to Forster!

12 01 2011
martin

Going to the movies is bogan. Non bogans acquire their movies off the internet or just don’t watch crappy hollywood movies at all.

12 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I will keep my email from Sony telling me off for downloading films as evidence that I am not a bogan. Even if i am the new Digital Ned kelly.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cripes Martin, I love going to the movies but avoid the Megaopolis like the plague. Is it ok as long as I don’t have 5lt of coke and a bucket of popcorn bigger than my head?

12 01 2011
martin

No. You’re feeding the propaganda machine and all that other bogan stuff like all that celebrity shit. May I ask what is this Megaopolis?

I can’t remember one single movie last year that was worth paying for, except maybe Iron Man 2. Black Swan was good but I think that is this year’s movie.

12 01 2011
SD

We watch stuff at Palace – its hardly a hollywood mecca.

Sometimes we go watch obscure films just to keep Palace/obscure films in business!

12 01 2011
SD

Blue Valentine is good but maybe not the best film to see with your partner 🙂

I hear Life During Wartime is – umm – interesting.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A Megopolis is attached to a Westfield like a bogan to a fuel bowser. You see Pirates of the Caribean 33 there.

Iron Man 1 was nuclear grade shite so would not see 2.

Last movie I saw was The Kings Speech seen at the Palace Nova (famed libtard hangout).

13 01 2011
hel

For us, it must be The Luna in Leederville, excellent art house films, well made coffee on sale as well. I am surprised more bogans do not actually frequent the place as there is also a bar and you may take your beverage of choice into the cinema. A bogue magnet if ever I saw one.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Nah mate, they flock to Gold Class or La Premiere at the multiplexes, so they can have their alcohol in the recliners there, plus have bragging rights when they tell their bogan friends about seeing the latest Hollywood merde in the posh section.

13 01 2011
hel

Good point Turnip, hence the reason the Gold Class Cinemas are in the bogan enclaves of Innaloo and Cannington.

17 01 2011
Rusty_Gold

LOL @ LibTard.
Thats worthy of a whole “Things LibTard Likes.com”.
Also Im going to break someones “……” fingers oneday!!

12 01 2011
XXX

Bogan mother-in-law loves to give me her left over Coles fuel discount vouchers. I never accept them as I know the real cost of those vouchers. Astounds me to think that people still believe they are getting a bargain with those bloody dockets!

12 01 2011
BlindSquirrel

I can see where you’re coming from, but people need groceries and assuming there is not all that much price difference between grocery chains, you may as well patronise one the one of the ones that’ll save you a couple of bucks at the pump seeing as you’ll be spending over $30 anyway.
It’s the old “mind your pennies and the pounds will mind themselves” adage.

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

Exactly! The vouchers are a scam for the Coles & Woolies to load the ptrol prices up by an extra 4c per litre. With the docket, you are paying the price of what the petrol would be if the voucher scam did not exist!

12 01 2011
SD

Also it means you are locked into solely shopping from Coles and Woolies in pursuit of the docket. Perhaps it’s unavoidable but there is a whiff of evil about them much like Gerry.

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

some IGA’s have got a deal with BP…problem is that there are stuff all BP’s unless you’re in a rural area

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

In WA, the independently-owned franchises of BP (easy to spot, as they are the outdated sites that have the small shop layout with an adjacent workshop, straight out of the 70s) accept IGA vouchers.

There’s quite a few of them in the Perth metro area, for the fact that BP is the dominant chain in this state by virtue of them having the only oil refinery here and that they bought all the old Mobil sites back around 1986—incidentally, Mobil reappeared in the mid 90s, only to disappear again about five years ago and have those new sites absorbed by the local Peak chain and the nation United discount chain.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Oops: I meant “national” discount chain, rather.

12 01 2011
XXX

I prefer to shop at IGA anyway. They often stock items that you cannot get at Coles and Safeway. The service is friendlier and the prices are getting better all the time.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

Gerry, mainly joyce and radio rentals are all evil

12 01 2011
Nelson Esq

Even without the extra 2c off a litre for buying the titty mag and can of Mother, the bogan thinks it is getting itself a bargain on its by handing over the 4c Supermarket docket. What they don’t realise is that the Supermarket duopoly has already inflated the price by 4c before the discount docket is taken into account. Basically, anyone without a 4c docket end up being ripped off the most.

The bogan also loves Shell V-Power for it’s HSV Chevrodore. “Can of V for me, tank of V for the Clubsport! Sweet!”

12 01 2011
lolplates

Then they limit you to a maximum of 120L and No diesel. I have a feeling that is the cut off for where it stops becoming economical for woolies/coles.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I recently purchased a maxxscreen tv at Good guys and there sure was some boganomics going on there. One particular couple were running around like headless chooks, salesman in tow comparing everything with what Harvey had for sale and trying to get an extra $50 off, then tried the what if we buy two line. Which astounded me coz they could not even afford a washing machine or shower for their house.

12 01 2011
Coffeesnob

Is it wrong of me to feel a slight hint of elation when I saw an SS ute being washed away in the Qld floods? One less petrol hungry cock-extension…

12 01 2011
AnotherJess

Yes, but I forgive you my child. Say three hail marys and glass two carnts..

17 01 2011
Rusty_Gold

Or is that three Mothers and glass two carnts……….?

12 01 2011
martin

No. I don’t mind standard commies and fords but when the spoiler goes on the back and it’s turned into a massive egomobile it makes me angry. They have to be some of the ugliest cars in history.

12 01 2011
XXX

It costs me no more than $40 to fill my Hyundai Getz from empty. The most I have ever paid is $45.

17 01 2011
Rusty_Gold

You are still subsidising private yachts and helicopters on Sydney Harbour .Go back up to *lolplates(12:04:19),he explains well.

12 01 2011
Will S

Yeah it’s still wrong, and you should feel bad.

12 01 2011
Pendant

Yesterday I paid $1.98/L to fill my tank 😦 To where should I direct my complaints?

12 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

To whom Pendant, to whom.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

and pendant. …. viv is of course, as always , correct but the other question is “whyfor “

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You got ripped off dude. Quick to the ACA mobile.

12 01 2011
lolplates

It is a secret goal of mine to be chased down the street by either an ACA or TT hack. So I must practice my dodgy landlording skills, my deadbeat dad abilities, make serial love rat scandals and think up a how to lose weight without excersise scam. Mix it all together to provide the tastiest treat for those reporters.

I also need to think how to get nudity and a pet gimp into the mix too.

12 01 2011
Will S

Or you could be this guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XSB4sQGT_4, see 0:20

14 01 2011
Dom

Fabulous piece of journalism. Incisive and thought provoking. Worth watching just to see the boom-mike operator who, at about the 20 second mark, appears to be fighting back laughter as he chases the pedophile around the nature strip.
The joy of impending justice pack style? Or has he seen the farce of it all?
More tellingly, the highest rated comment on Youtube for this news article was “kill the f*****g c**t”.
Just not in my back yard. Or nature strip.

12 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Go to Qld and do some looting.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

great idea, pleanty of water(?) stained mattresses.
God but Gerry, mainly joyce, fantastic furnature(sic) and others must be rubbing their hands togeather at the prospect of all the re furnishing to come ? Them and GE Credit ! Who will double their money over two years on the back of the suffering of countless thousands.
EVIL

12 01 2011
martin

Bogans hate corporations and monopolies/duopolies but if they can save five bucks on filling their tank they’ll give their money to the duopoly.

12 01 2011
Louie

A true elitist drives a diesel. We even get our own section of many service stations to segregate us from bogans and their petrol swilling falcodores in mad caaant red, radioactive frog shit green or cadbury’s purple.

Also are those LEDs on the front of HSVs supposed to look good? They resemble the cheap Christmas rope lights bogans like to decorate their houses with from October to January.

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I love those colours Louie, you should call Holden and patent the names.

12 01 2011
Louie

Good idea. You can pick up a sample pot at Bunnings and see how the water feature will look in either SS Mad Caaant Red or Hoilux with 22 Inch Bling Towing a Jetski Blue.

13 01 2011
The Court Jester

Trade mark, Simon GAA. You would trade mark the names, patents are for inventions or methods of doing things.

But I agree, Radioactive Frog-Shit Green should definitely be on Holden’s list of colour schemes. As should ‘Toxic Snooki-Tan Orange’. Or possibly ‘Jagerbomb-Spew Bronze’.

12 01 2011
lolplates

The LEDs are to make them look like Audis… I would have considered buying a clubby for a racecar if they didn’t have those damn leds.

12 01 2011
Louie

You will have to get the previous one that lacks them and about 17 kilowatts. Those lights look gimped on the Audis too.

12 01 2011
lolplates

Then sanity took its grip on me once again.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Audis are cutting-edge for innovation, build quality, safety and style, not to mention the fact they have a strong name for especially efficient fuel consumption, having multiple diesel variants across their range and using turbo technology on most of their petrol models.

Audi is far less likely to be desired by the bogue motoring hordes, given their understated elegance and the lack of badge snobbery that is afforded to BMW or Mercedes-Benz…not many A4 1.8 RS4s around, compared to the respective 318i M3s or C200 AMGs that proliferate.

When it comes time to replace my Mazda3, I’ll most likely plump for an A3 diesel…you could say that I could save $10k and get a Volkswagen Golf GTD (which share both the drivetrain and floorpan), but the Audi takes the already-exlemplary competence somewhere else and the benchmark-quality interiors (and no mass manufacturer betters them in this aspect) are something to behold.

13 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bag’O, you could save even more and get the Skoda. All the same stuff, quality etc just no badge kudos.

13 01 2011
James Hunter

Simon, dont disillusion the lad. mind you the Skoda is “Superbe”
Must be the best value quality euro car around at the moment.Makes a Berlina look a bit sus and a Falcon, well why bother. As you say compared to Audi and VW then it is same technology and shitloads cheaper. Looking at one recently I think the build quality was better then VW.
Mind you I do remember the old Skoda built Renalut ten. Did not look flash but you could not kill them with a stick !!

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Those were the original rear-engined, air cooled Škoda Octavias! Before the Lada came along to make jokes about Iron Curtain automobiles their sole province, they were seen as a bit povvo and a bit iffy to boot. Well, the Octavia nameplate has come a long, long way since then!

Nowadays, Škodas are something of a rare gem for the smart car buyer, so nothing fundamentally wrong with them at all, now as you’ve said, their quality is well-and-truly up to snuff, with stunning value thrown in to the bargain. But I’m certain there’s some residual ill-will towards that marque, owing to its chequered past. I too would sooner pony up for a commodious Superb (that’s the correct spelling) wagon over a Berlina or Calais Sportswagon any day, and they also share platform and drivetrain with theVW Passat, no slouch either in quality, or value for that matter.

However, the other issue that could face resistance with potential buyers is the fact that most Škoda cars won’t win any beauty pageants, still looking a little too 90s mainstream Euro (think Vectra or Mondeo), thus not so aesthetically pleasing—the Roomster people mover, which is derived from the VW Caddy van architecture, can be quite polarising in its looks. Finally, Škoda tends to be the last in line in the downward trickle of innovation from (in order) Audi, Volkswagen and even Spain’s SEAT. While this may upset the early-adopters (of which I can be, never for its own sake—I like to embrace truly innovative concepts and stay ahead of the curve), for many potential purchasers, Škoda is more than enough…maybe even too much for the utterly unimaginative masses who drive Camrys and Corollas, which though unstintingly reliable, do nothing else very well at all, and in that context, the Škodas sh¡t all over any comparable Toyota vehicles…you could actually enjoy taking the Škoda for a punt, whereas there’s surely a safety risk of somnambulism when tilling a Toyota, such are their uninspiring dynamics (which is why I’ve had Mazdas as my last two vehicles: they are involving to both drive and look at, also proving economical reliability and driving pleasure aren’t mutually exclusive concepts).

Then again, they are a damn sight better to the eye than pretty much anything weirdburger from either USA (all those hyper-masculine, blocky Dodges come to mind) or Korea (especially anything by SsanYong!).

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good work Bag’O. I recently purchased an Octavia VRS wagon. Whilst no Lambo in the looks dept it is better than alot, Cayeene anyone? JH is right, the quality is better than VW. Much more space than most Suv’s, and great driving dynamics. The thing with Audi’s is I think they are overpriced and they depreciate horribly. But I drove an A4 and it was a really good car.

15 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I would agree that Audi are perhaps a tad overpriced, however the build quality is first-rate and there is greater scope for customisation upon ordering (i.e. a greater variety of interior trims and exterior finishes).

The depreciation on Audis such as the A8 and A6 are eye-watering, but make for a fine bargain used for the discerning buyer. Mind you, the A3, A5, Q5, Q7 and TT appear to have quite acceptable retained value. The depreciation relative to the Beemers and Benzes is less in Audi’s favour, mostly due to nothing more than badge snobbery by those types that Paul Keating ridiculed many years ago (namely, the types he described as “towing their mortgages on the back of their second-hand Mercs”), who are now the CUBs and NaBs, for whom an Audi is not conspicuous enough. However, an Audi will less likely date in its clean, almost timeless design—I mean, the Chris Bangle over-styled BMWs already look a bit dated for mine.

12 01 2011
The Bogan From 'Berra

The LEDs on the front of the new HSVs are a safety feature that i believe will be made mandatory on all cars over the next few years “daylights” or something like that. I think they look great, can’t wait to buy a new Maloo ute after i start my job in the mines.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Daytime running lights, which these high-intensity LED light strips are, do indeed improve daytime visibility to other motorists; shame they are being seen as a gimmick and thus being appropriated by bogues on their cars.

Then again, LED rear lights were also copied in rather shoddy aftermarket lamp assemblies, thus seen in a similar light (no pun intended), but now they are becoming quite mainstream as original equipment, due to their vastly superior capabilities (long service life, light intensity, ruggedness, low power consumption and short firing times, all of which add safety).

12 01 2011
John from (Upper) Campbell

One wonders why one’s authors have used a photograph of a street in Harare to illustrate this piece. Wouldst thou that Zimbabweans become part of bogan culture now, forsooth?

12 01 2011
Mr Q

It was probably 4 trillion zim dollars a litre off with a voucher that day.

12 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Its weird, I don’t drive, never have, so i pay no attention to fuel prices. I remember outrage a few years back when it hit a buck a litre, and i have clear memories of it being 20cents a litre when i was a kid. But if you asked me how much it was today, i would have no idea?

12 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fark Viv, gay, non driving lefty commo. You need ya arse kicked pronto.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

On your bike.

13 01 2011
hel

Completely unrelated but I wanted to let you know Simon, I am leaving tomorrow for two weeks in Bali. To our credit we are not staying in Kuta (Seminyak) and are volunteering in an orphanage as well as doing some cultural things, however we will be in Kuta on the 15th and this time (as my camera now works) I will be creating a pictorial documentary of boganity which I shall send forth to Viv to share 🙂

13 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at arms

Look forward to it Hel. I am off next week to the Victorian Alps for the Alpine Classic cycle event. The fact that it involves riding your bike for 200km up and down the Alps ensures it is an entirely bogan free event and one of the best ways to spend a week I can think of. Oh except it really hurts alot going up Mt Buffalo when you have already done 150km in the saddle. But the beer tastes sensational when you finish and there are few things more satisfying than meeting a challenge like that.

12 01 2011
Abudhabilist

Ah yes…

The joy of the hunt. Much discussed while utilising a shopper docket from the flip-side of the receipt to get a 2 for one deal on a Parma/pot and a frog in the pond for the young bloke.

Which creates its own problem.

Utilise the receipt to claim the astounding 2 bucks off a tank…? or KEEP the receipt for it’s Parmagiana/Pot or “Free nail painting with any bikini wax at Michelle-Ray’s Nails” bounty?

The receipt company is to blame.

They’ve gone mad.

Should be named and shamed.

12 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

It’s like that film, Sophie’s Choice.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The Shop-A-Docket firm landed themselves knee-deep in the palooka when they featured one of those erectile dysfunction “services” on the backs of some of their receipt rolls, with people (quite rightfully) indignant about that, saying “keep your dongers off our dockets”.

Nothing is sacred. There is a fine line separating clever iconoclasm from brash marketing exercises, and they fell across it.

12 01 2011
hel

In case it has not been said, can we have a post on Donating to Charity? My facebook feed is full of vitriolic bogans decrying the govt for not giving enough money to flood victims in QLD (along with lots of comments about how we need to “help our own first” and ill researched figures outlining how much we gave the “bloody paki’s”) yet everyone I ask has not yet “got around” to making a personal donation. Very bogan!

12 01 2011
p'bee

i’ve read a lot of comments like that on news sites. the bogans are up in arms that tim costello dared to write an opinion piece about haiti (given it’s exactly a year since the earthquake) where he said that we should care about and give towards tragedies here but not forget those overseas. according to bogans it is a one or the other issue.

13 01 2011
lolplates

Although it was the aniversary of the earthquake, it can seem a little callous to the people with short memories.
On a similar topic, my nextdoor neighbour wrote on facebook something along the lines of ” where are the F%^$ are the countries that we helped? F%^&% Indo, ect…” Are people that stupid? Most of those nations that we helped after serious devastaion are still rebuilding!
The gall of the bogan upsets me.

13 01 2011
p'bee

and indonesia has given $1m, east timor has offered support, a few pacific islands have as well, i think. of course, bogan news sources haven’t reported any of this so bogans keep repeating this crap.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

The bogan does indeed see things as one-or-t’other – not so much black-and-white; rather orangeywhite-and-brown.

Good, decent, hardworking Aussie bogans are orangeywhite. They’re excellent. Other alleged people from the land of “overseez” are, by and large, brown. They’re generic, and nowhere near as excellent.

The bogan is happy to explain to you that the Brownies’ tragedies aren’t as impactful “because they’re used to that $hit”. The Orangewhitey folk, however, are ill-equipped to be parted from their petrol-powered toys, energy-guzzling mega-maXXXi-screen TVs, inefficient aircon and magpie-pleasingly bright and shiny clothing.

So a Brownie losing their entire family, village, crop and future – probably for the third time in two years – pales into insignificance compared to the suffering endured by an Orangeywhitey sustaining damage to the faux-sandstone driveway in front of their McMansion, particularly once you factor in the $1000 excess they’ll have to pay before their insurer kicks in for the rest of the repair bill to their ridiculous property carefully built on a floodplain.

The Orangewhitey “couldn’t have known” that such suffering could come its way. The Brownies, however, “should know better” and can “just move” if they wish to avoid such repeated lifestyle hiccups.

13 01 2011
Penguin

I love that Sri Lanka are sending 250 000 cups of tea. Their current floods have killed 18 and displaced roughly 200 000 people. Where is our aid to them?

13 01 2011
hel

this is the cutest thing I have ever heard……

14 01 2011
Will S

Right now, like RIGHT NOW, catastrophic floods in Brazil have killed over 400 people. With our news media you wouldn’t ever know.

14 01 2011
p'bee

floods in sri lanka and the philippines, too. but bogans don’t like these countries – even if they knew about their floods they wouldn’t care.

13 01 2011
p'bee

on a related note, is anyone else as sick as me of the dissection of bligh’s and gillard’s media performances? the number of comments about it is ridiculous. the fact people seriously think that because gillard has a monotone voice (just like she always has) means she’s a failure who doesn’t care is depressing. whatever anyone’s politics, all three levels of government and emergency services have handled this situation exceptionally well.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Agree wholeheartedly.

I’m not a fan of the Bligh govt, but I think her performance throughout this crisis, as a single, strong, sympathetic source of truth has been outstanding. She’s worked her arse off, and is clearly gutted by what she’s seen.

And we haven’t evolved very far as a nation if we rate PM performance on vocal lilt or inflection. Mariah Carey’s voice goes up and down like a bride’s nightie, but I can’t say that I’d feel happier with her in the top job.

13 01 2011
SD

I think Gillard did a good job of being appropriately sympathetic and letting Bligh handle the show. It wasn’t the time for her to wrest the microphone (Rudd might have well done it tho).

I am also over the words eerie and surreal, even if these are true.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

The reality is that everyone is loving Bligh today, but let’s fast forward 2 weeks when people still can’t get into their homes, and the people who weren’t flooded still can’t get their grocery brands of choice on demand, and businesses are still not operating. Then it will become the usual bloodbath of blame for whoever (or is that whomever?) is in charge on the day. She should enjoy her day in the sun, because no human on earth is going to be able to meet the demands and expectations of the frustrated bogan who is emotionally drained from engaging in the disaster porn fest of this week. Especially if they have no shopping centres to distract them.

13 01 2011
p'bee

true. i’ve already read comments likening this to katrina. apparently the fact that new orleans was all but wiped out and 1500 people were killed bypassed the bogan.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Are we sure they were comparing Qld’s flooding to Katrina? Or simply aspiring to be as maXXXtreme as the US of A?

The bogan appears to slavishly worship any and all things American. One wouldn’t be surprised if some bogues harboured a slight sense of disappointment that Qld couldn’t have tried just a little bit harder to get itself completely $(&*ed, so that it could hold itself tall alongside Uncle Sam.

I mean, geez – Katrina’s casualties were precisely one THOUSAND times bigger/better/worse than ours (to date).

This morning, I overhead a dickhead opine that “our floods” were a bit of a letdown. I’m sure the 15 dead in SEQ, the 10 drowned earlier elsewhere in the state, the 70-plus missing, and the thousands of people who have lost the lot would be chastened to learn that they’d failed to impress some loudmouthed shiny-bum.

13 01 2011
p'bee

the katrina comparisons have been about the government’s response. which is really perplexing, seeing as the premier and pm are both in brisbane, along with numerous other leaders, and the city hasn’t been abandoned. but some people won’t let facts get in the way of hyperbole.

14 01 2011
Danny

The population of the US is roughly 10x ours, so if 150 Ahstrayuns die, it’ll be as f**kin’ horrendous as Katrina, pound-for-f**kin’-pound mate.

12 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I’m guilty to a point. I know a place which always has cheaper petrol and only ever go there – I don’t go searching for a 2c discount for hours.

12 01 2011
Tombarina

The bloke who owns my local family-run independent servo tells me he gets ripped a new one a couple of times a week by lantern-jawed freaks who crack the $hits because he doesn’t honour their crappy 4c/L-off Coles dockets. (This despite a large sign out the front advertising the fact.)

He long ago gave up trying to explain that his fuel was already cheaper than the mega-station a five-suburb drive away, and that his margins were wafer-thin.

Apparently, such temerity – and logic – only resulted in further bogan angst, demonstrated by them tearing up their crappy docket (ooh! That’ll learn ‘im!) and witty repartee along the lines of “no wonder youse pricks are goin’ out of $#*(in’ business – garn git #(*&ed ya kaaaarnt”.

I really do hope our current flooding flushes some of these tools out into Moreton Bay, where they’ll get run over by someone else showing off their maddd skillz on a jetski or three.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

Tombarina,
If not a jetski then a 16 ft tinney with a swivel mount chair and more aerials then a prawn trawler. Probably some realy meangful name on the side like “gone fishing”

12 01 2011
Tone

You see, this is why I don’t have an awful lot of sympathy for those caught up in the Queensland floods. It’s just nature’s way of trying to flush excess bogans from Brisrael and surrounds.

12 01 2011
Tone

*apart from the non-bogans, who no doubt prepared early and took responsibility for their own situation by insuring themselves for flood damage, etc. Sucks to be you right now, hope you’re able to get back home with your families/pets asap.

12 01 2011
Andrea

I was recently called a “f!#%ing liar” when I told a customer that we made practically nothing on fuel. Most of our profit is from cans of V and the autowash. To hear such profanity from an elderly lady really took me by surprise and I live in Ferntree Gully!

Oh, and I told her not to come back.

13 01 2011
brad

Was your place of employment in Bayswater perhaps?,lot more “honest types” there compared to The Gully.

14 01 2011
Andrea

I think she may have been passing through from Boganville/Boronia. I’m used to the locals here, and most of them are fairly old and very very sweet, especially if my husband pops in with our son – you can’t move for drooling nanas then!

14 01 2011
XXX

Boronia actually has a reputation for being full of cheapskates. Unusual for bogans to be so cheap, they usually like their brand names, etc.. I guess they have to cut corners somewhere. Every second shop in Boronia is either a waxing salon or hairdresser and they are cutting each others throats for bogan business. If you want a cheap haircut/spray tan or wax, come to Boronia!

12 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Yeah, that’s one missed point – bogans love cheap fuel, but they hate independent servos cause they aren’t fully sick brand names and that.

12 01 2011
Will S

If I had to design the ultimate, perfect bogan triggering machine, it would be one of those Shell/Coles servo/mini-marts (they just edge out the Caltex/Woolies version in the same way TT edges out ACA).

Petrol consumption, massive cans, ZOO, false illusions of savings, and someone to hate/blame for their problems, all in one grotesque little package. And the layout and things they highlight just get more and more bogan designed every time I see one. Not to mention how everything in the whole shop is “2 for…” and if you don’t buy anything but fuel they’ve started trying to sell you chewing gum or something else.

Some of them are even forming symbiotic relationships with mini-maccas/burger kings!

13 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

The latest partnership i saw was Eagle Boys pizza and i think Mobil at Morisset Park, just off the Pacific Highway, near Newcastle. Gas and guzzle. Yum.

13 01 2011
Loftie

I’ve always been puzzled why they don’t put mini-LCD’s on top of every bowser… for extra advertsing (the bogue has to look somewhere when he’s pumpin all that petrol)…
Or they could at least have an AC/DC medley of film clips…?

P.S. Gas & Guzzle – that is a potential trademark if I’ve ever heard one….

13 01 2011
right and proud

They have mini LCD screens on top of the bowsers at the BP up the road from me.

I would happily support the Independants more often if there were more close to me, plus I avoid ethanol fuel if I can. Here in Qld we have this small chain of servos called Matilda, but apart from E95 and E98, the only ‘normal’ fuel they sell is premium.

I work for a company owned by Woolies and have the Staff Discount card, but I get all my fruit and vegetables from the green-grocer, get all my meat from the butchers and would shop at IGA more frequently if it was closer. It does make me laugh when bogans insist on supporting the duopoly for the sake of a miniscule discount, without thinking of the bigger picture.

I hate to sound like a leftie but you should support your independants wherever you can!

13 01 2011
lolplates

There was an independant down the road from my old house, they did dodgy things to their fuel. In the end I needed to drain the water out of my fuel tank :S

Most Indies are salt of the earth type, like most small business owners. But it only takes one or two bad eggs to ruin the whole thing.

12 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

the mobil down Marion road from me is consistently about three and a half cents cheaper than the “discounted” price at the woolies/caltex 300 yards further on. I happened to be out and about today and noticed this was pretty much the case all over town. It just so happens that I have also just recently finished circumnavigating Australia (did I mention that previously?) by Motor Vehicle and also found the same to be true. If mobil can sell it at the same price as your “discount”‘ then it aint no discount. This (alone) should be obvious to the most casual observer. And yet…

My Occam’s Razor for free market economics; nothing is free.
If it’s metered or under plastic or glass they already have your money irrespective of what the leaflet says.

12 01 2011
James Hunter

chubby, it is the problem we all have under the capitalist model. everything makes way for profit ethics,morals,product standards,convience for shoppers, nothing matters except profit.
Karl marx said ‘from each according to his capacity and to each according to his need.” The golden rule of most religions is in essence” do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
Not much room in a profit first economy. It is worse then that though as our whole social system is predicated by our econonic model.
To me it is about time we found some politicians who could enforce the economic model that we all feel social justice deserves.
Sorry for the rant but greed driven “captains of industry and retailing” realy make me puke.

13 01 2011
Nelson Esq

All these people living in areas with local independents being cheaper than the majors. I must be living in the wrong place. We’ve got 3 majors peddling fuel at the same price (no Liberty or that other large independent) and then a couple of kms away a BP branded indepenent who sells at 6c more than the majors. However, Mr BP Indie does offer forecourt service and his main business is his mechanics workshop, rather than fuel retailing. A km away in the other direction was another BP independent who was also dearer than the majors but he eventually closed down.

12 01 2011
brad

JH im sure you are aware that “law of jungle/do as you want-as long as its my way/i agree with those who agree too me” type mantras are the order of the day in these enlightened times this is why i will polish off me old 4/10(bent as it is-good for close quaters) and go safaring with your ilk,i shant need a spotter though this is my field of expertise!

13 01 2011
Tombarina

TBL, I regret to point out that you’ve glossed over a side-benefit of the lads’ mags available en masse at mega-maxi-servos – entertainment.

The Sole Offspring and I have a running competition – before we near the inevitable magazine display, we have a go at guessing the precise wording of at least one screaming front-cover pointer – you know, “KRACKER KANS!”, “MASSIVE MAMMS!” or the nautically-themed “BAPS AHOY!”.

Although nothing – EVER – will top a recent favourite. Blaring out next to a pic of a chestily-bumpy orange personage, incongruously dressed in a cowboy hat, Tex-Mex jewellery and a pair of undies: “GLAND CANYON!”

And people say those publications are without artistic or literary merit….

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I have an advertising poster for Picture magazine – 1992 which a friend liberated from outside a newsagency for me. Headline: “Shock Nude Lady Di Pics” with a picture of a Lady Di ‘Look Alike’ in a tiara with her knockers out. Next heading “Daks Down In Dumpty Doo” – an article about an outback short order chef who can’t keep her knickers on… I can’t remember the other headlines and it is a t home, but it’s my pride and joy – I have had it framed because for 18 years i had it blu-tacked up and it was starting to wear around the edges. Lady Di would be proud that I am protecting her legacy.

13 01 2011
lolplates

I have a soft spot for the big bacon busters “babes” and boars calendar. Every year me and the wife trapse up to the news agency to have a gander and a snicker at it. Now the term babes in this instance is open to interpretation.

Nothing like a calendar of women in bikinis of “rustic charm” holding a gun and posing next to a dead pig.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I put a Bacon Busters magazine in our Clinic’s waiting room for a laugh and the patients loved it. I think some sneaky lezza stole it eventually – the Home Babe pics were priceless – “Here’s Sharelle straddling a 250 pound hog that she bought down herself – she enjoys exotic dancing, piggin and partying hard”. It’s liek crack that magazine, i can’t get enough of it.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I even thought about buying some of the armour plates they advertise for putting on dogs so they don’t get gored whilst piggin. I couldn’t see Schnoodle size though.

I spent my teen years in a ‘piggin’ town and all of my friends fathers used to invite me to go out piggin. One friend’s father wasn’t allowed to own a gun ( due to some domestic violence issues) so he used to head out to the scrub with a bowie knife and a a few poor dogs that had no choice int he matter. While I appreciate the menace of feral pigs in the rainforest ecosystem, i did have issues with the fact that this guy used to toss his dog off to keep it loyal and stop it fleeing the scene when he was lunging wildly around with a bowie knife…. Farked up in my opinion, and i never took up the invitation to join the piggin or the hound wankin afterwards.

13 01 2011
Pandabater

Viv, Doggybater.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Muttabater

13 01 2011
Tombarina

I most heartily adore mags devoted to the mighty grunter hunter, and never more so when one of them, years ago, ran a…wait for it….wedding pix special.

Nothing – NOTHING – says “matrimonial bliss” like two fools, their seven spawn from 13 previous relationships, a crossbow/rifle/shooty thing, and a large dead feral animal. These same asshats will then dismiss gay marriage because it undermines the “dignity” of the blessed state.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I hope the National Library is archiving these periodicals.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

When we moved to this Piggin Hub of Humanity, we were pleasantly surprised that there was a bathtub in the garden, underneath the orange trees. That whole first summer we fought over and took turns soaking in the tub in the shade throughout the heat of the day. And then after a year , the neighbours finally told us that it was the previous owners pig slaughtering tub…. No wonder i have issues.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Why wouldn’t they, V’vi?

They’re a priceless historical record of the family values and sporting pursuits of modern Australia. Otherwise, future generations might not be aware of the precise degree of sophistication of the average 20th century bogue.

14 01 2011
Edward

Actually, I think there is a legacy from the British National Library (and a British Act of Parliament) which requires that a copy of every publication originating in Great Britain possessing an I.S.B.N. or I.S.S.N. be lodged with the B.N.L. which also applies, by convention, in Australia (with respect to Australian publications).

So, yes.

The French have something similar and so does the United States of America (thus the Library of Congress cataloguing information in the front of American books). It’s an alarming thought, cast ones mind over the possible breadth and depth of periodicals.

13 01 2011
brad

I use to mail hard-core porn to selected friends if i was-a-traveling wilbury.Said dear aqaintances would eagerly rip open sent packages from exotic locations(Normanton,Borroloolaa,Bundaburg,Mandurah) expecting some special trincket or such.The knowledge of their disgust when they were confronted with “Big Mama’s and Dirty Dwarfs” or “Ramthrusters”,warmed the cockles of my heart when curling up in a dusty tent at night.The more bent or bizarre,the better(those crazy Germans never sell themselves short).I recall one freind opened up his special delivery in front all and sundrie family members at dinner time-after being exposed too images of urination underscored with teutonic musings,things were pretty tense around the family hearth(they were pretty pissed off too).I always saved the gay porn for alpha-type mates,usually with a return address to equally serious bloke and vice versa.Home-made pics were strictly reserved for love sqeeze at the time (i wonder if she kept them?-i wonder if her flat mate kept hers?-ha ha i wished!)

14 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

The writer Augusten Burroughs describes how he and friend used to drive around with hard core pornography pictures and flash them at other drivers who breaking the law – hoping that the experience of being confronted by the image of a nun rooting a german shepard would forever be psychologically associated with the traffic misdemeanor.

14 01 2011
Danny

I remember one German porno mag a workmate bought for another workmate: Faust Fockers

13 01 2011
hel

Oh my lord, I remember as a kid sneaking into the newsagency in Derby (v bogan outpost in WA) with a friend, we would have been about ten or eleven, and finding a Playboy with a Lady Di look alike, hilarious! I still distinctly remember her pubic hair was styled and coloured almost identically to her signature hairstyle!

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Once a month she could do a good pubic impersonation of Diana in the car crash.

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Too soon? Sorry

13 01 2011
Tombarina

eeeeeUWWWW!

*vommies*

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

sorry again!

13 01 2011
hel

you didn’t cross the line Viv, you threw up all over it!

13 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Still sorry!

13 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Viv, you have a sick mind. Keep it up!

13 01 2011
brad

What did Dodi Fiyad say too his driver?
“Do you want too come with me and Di?”

13 01 2011
p'bee

reminds me of the steve irwin one i heard the day after his death:

steve irwin should have worn more sunscreen – it would have protected him from harmful rays.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Or who would provide music at the funeral – word on the street was “Sting”.

13 01 2011
Benjamin

Spotted recently: “Bed Zeppelins”

13 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

In keeping with the theme of petrol consumption, i bring you the ultimate bogan mobile. Note the Winchester sticker on the windscreen, monster antenna, ridiculous numberplate, seller’s name and location….Having said that, if i had the cash, i’d buy it in a second lol.

13 01 2011
13 01 2011
Loftie

Wow – that really has had the BOGAN treatment….

*(now it just needs a sticker that says)*
“I wish my wife was this dirty”

And it is complete….

13 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Just looked at the rest of the photos. I missed the longhorns on the back windown and bundy bear on the side the first time i looked at it……wow, that’s a little bit too bogan, even for my good self.

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Luv a duck! It really is for the bogan who has everything – except for an adequately-sized willy.

Particularly like the “I’m so tough I can partly get over artfully arranged of dead wood” posey shot. All it needs is a gun rack.

13 01 2011
p'bee

did everyone notice it was parked in a disabled parking spot?

13 01 2011
Tombarina

No! Says it all, really, especially since most of the other pix are in front of vile McMansions.

13 01 2011
Nelson Esq

Did you see the name of the bloke selling it? Jayden. Ha ha ha ha!!!

13 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Unfortunately for the seller, they’re not McMansions, they’re a strange townhouse/terrace hybrid that the property developers down here seem to love for some reason. Most of them only have one garage, a lot of them have no garage at all lol. I’m guessing that’s why he’s selling it.

13 01 2011
Loftie

I do love the way that Bogans will flock to save 2c, 4c, and 8c a litre – despite the fact that they have been gauged already to receive the discount…

Above there were some maths regarding the discount… but I have another way of explaining the ‘phenomenom’

Lets say that the average bogan uses 50 litres of fuel a week (most of which is burnt with needless acceleration from the lights in his chevadore ute).
At 2c a litre he is saving $1.00 a fill, 4c he is saving $2.00 a fill…
Work it out over a year… ($52, $104 saving)
WOW… thats enough for a slab of Jim Bean cans or a Carton of Winfield Blue?

But Wait… The bogan has had to spend a minimum of $30 at each establishment in order to receive the discount ($1560.00 over a year) to save that $52 or $104. Now with my maths – it equates to between 3% and 6% saving… (or about the same alcholol content as a VB can – for the Bogues)…

The bogue would save more money if he remembered to fill up with petrol on the cheaper days of the week (at any servo) given that there is a weekly variance of around 10-15c…

The Gimmick is of course to get the Bogue to make 2 x transactions with the same business… So he can buy his groceries, as well as his fuel, Zoo mag, and cans of mother from the servo…

Brilliant….

13 01 2011
brad

speaking of VB cans;The Hun here in melb had a “1 free can/stubby of VB give-away” ,voucher was available in last Sat paper and could be redeemed at any Dan Murphys or BWS.On Monday did a Fi and LOL when i overheard a a deadset goose tell his work-mate how he bought $30 worth of papers on said day(retail $1.50) and tried to redeem them all at the one store(all 20 vouchers,not even a slab) and was refused as the fine print stated only 1 voucher per person,per store.At this point of the story i had too interject as my curiosity was killing me,i asked him in my most sympathic voice if he ended up having to drive to every bottle shop in the outer east(would have only taken an hour if that) and he replied “na fuck that told the c@$t behind the counter to stick his vouchers and a bottle of Galliano up his arse.”
I couldnt resist and i asked this poetic young bloke,”did you get your $30 stubby at least?”
“like i said i told her to stick-it,f$%kin scammers,f#^k newspapers bunch of square c$%ts” he replied.
By this time there was a small audience and im sure the laughter echoed and bounced around the vastness between his ears for the rest of the day.

13 01 2011
Loftie

What a champion… wasted all that money… and one can only assume that he disposed of the 20 papers in a sensible manner…
Only to not even get one ‘free’ beer because he couldn’t control his temper…
That – my friends… is Boganinity at it’s finest…
A king amoungst men…
It would have been cheaper for him to by 6 long necks and get half cut…

13 01 2011
sixleggedspider

Wow. Judging by some of the comments here, one would be led to believe that there are only 2 types of people in the world: Bogans and Hipsters.

Bogans are generally unimaginative, conformist, racist, homophobic, apathetic morons. But let’s not forget that many Hipsters are insular little 19 year old rich kids ( often with just as much genuine social awareness as a Bogan) in carefully selected $90 vintage ( anything secondhand, generally acquired at a flea market for $5, then placed in trendy inner city shopfront with ridiculous mark-up) cardigans, and OOAK customised skinny jeans ( generally acquired at a flea market for $5, slashed up a bit, then placed in trendy inner city shopfront with ridiculous mark-up) and obligatory nerd glasses ( sans lens, of course), as a means of expressing their “individuality” and creative originality.

I do not own a car- never have, never will- but the public transport I use guzzles fossil fuel, and should I decide to buy a bike, I can only assume the materials used to manufacture it were mined from the earth somehow. It’s noble to at least TRY to lessen our footprint in this place, but we are ALL destroying this planet just by being alive, so let’s try to have a good look at ourselves, and *gasp* perhaps even have a laugh at ourselves before we go wriggling too far up our own arses, yeah?

P.s. I do like this blog, and the book made me laugh. But all too often the comments section makes me puke. Too many people in a desperate bid to ingratiate themselves with the authors, and thus prove their undeniable UNboganness. Maybe I should’ve just had a quiet read, a quiet laugh, and just kept these thoughts to myself…but I’m feeling trendy today.

*cue- a new comment thread with accusations of my obvious posession of a massive flatscreen TV and children named Jessykah and Jaydin.

13 01 2011
p'bee

actually, i think most commenters here dislike hipsters almost as much as bogans.

13 01 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Adbusters, the apogee of antibogan periodicals, have dedicated an entire magazine to lambasting the hipster, in the context of contrasting Western and Eastern culture and the slow death of the former in relation to the ascendancy of the latter.

Nobody but hipsters like hipsters. They take post-modernism to a new low in their overzealous appropriation of irony, to the point where it becomes ironic of itself.

14 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx Self-Titled Assistant Glasser at Arms

Adbusters are a hipster magazine. That article was the idea of hipsters hating being called hipsters taken to the max.

For a better deconstruction of hipster culture, check out Soren Bowie’s article on Cracked here – http://www.cracked.com/blog/deciphering-the-hipster-revolution/

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ash, good to have you and your mad skilzz on board. Keeping the carnts honest.

14 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Simon you will love this, I had a staff member call in this morning telling me she would be late because her pussy got covered in lubricant last night and has to taken to the vet for sedation and a good scrub down. She tried to clean it herself but it was hissing and clawing back at her!

The non-Mrs Slocombe version of events is that her cat slept under the neighbours car and got covered in oil. But that isn’t smutty enough.

It’s going to be hard to keep a straight face when she gets in. We are all snickering in the office today.

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That is just a gift from heaven. I expect lots of Mr Humphries impersonations. A staff gift of KY? You are in for a fun day.

14 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

I know! I expect she is at home with her drenched pussy laid out in front of the fire as we speak!

14 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Her pussy will be quite slippery and hard to handle. I wonder if all the hair will need removing or simply fall out? I’m glad I don’t have a pussy, they sure are a handful.

15 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Simon, what a day it was! With nearly a straight face I managed to enquire the following:

What did the vet say when she your oily pussy?

How much did it cost to get your pussy professionally cleaned?

Do you think you should keep your pussy in the bedroom at night from now on?

Do you think you should get a neighbour to pop in and look at your pussy today?

Did your pussy leave oil stains on the furniture?

What type of oil was it? baby oil?

I lost all hope of displaying managerial professionalism completely on the baby oil completely.

15 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks for the update Viv. Good times, good times.

15 01 2011
chubbybloodfart

“Less a subculture, the hipster is a consumer group – using their capital to purchase empty authenticity and rebellion.”

JJJ
QED
“the music of comfort and indolence”
Chubbybloodfart. some time last year.

13 01 2011
Loftie

Wow….

Bogans or Hipsters will both struggle to be ‘noble’ as you state… given their ignorance and lifestyle…

Well done to your tree-hugging ways… Perhaps you can help this planet last another day longer from your ‘lesser’ footprint…

No matter how you look after this place… there will always be more bogans out there to rip donuts in there SS ute and trash the place with their empty cans of Mother…

While your ways are ‘noble’ they are also pointless… but so long as you enjoy the journey… you’re not hurting anyone else…

PS – If you had have named your kid “Jayden” and not “Jaydin” then I would have squarely pointed the finger at you for the X-Treme Hummer above…
But as you have been original (read:followed the Bogue trend) you’ve mixed it up to make it awesome…

Bravo…

13 01 2011
Tombarina

Jeez, 6LSpider – I don’t, and will never, ride a bike, I greatly enjoy driving and despise public transport.

So I must be the bogue in this relationship – which makes you the hipster?

Actually, I’m OK with that – I’d probably rather be a cock than a wanker.

13 01 2011
martin

I put shit on libtards all the time on here.

13 01 2011
martin

I’d ride a bike if it wasn’t so dangerous with all the cars on the road and I didn’t live about 10km from the city and anywhere I needed to go. Actually, nah I wouldn’t. Not seriously anyway.

I guess if you wanted to start a shop with kitchy items in it and take the risk of running your own business, paying massive amounts in rent for something like Newtown, then good luck to you if you can make a go of it. It’s probably nicer than going and buying a poster from the rack at Target.

13 01 2011
martin

I mean what do the f$ckers at Target do? They go on holidays to China and buy cheap shit that would cost them $5, bring it back here and sell it for $50.

15 01 2011
sixleggedspider

Totally true what you say about Target, yes. I’m not suggesting for one moment that everybody should start shopping at Target, just pointing out the idiocy of the hipster purchasing a slashed up pair of $5 jeans for $90, when he/she could actually go to Vinnies, buy a pair of $5 jeans and get creative and customise them himself/herself. But then there is the problem of actually doing something creative as opposed to just giving the impression of it, plus the added annoyance of not being able to casually mention that he/she bought them at *insert name of trendy inner city shop*. Y’know?
As for people running a business in a location that requires them to push up the prices of their wares to ridiculous levels in order to pay the rent- well why the hell not.. There is money to be made via the stupidity of people. It’s what makes the modern world go ’round.

13 01 2011
The Bogan from 'Berra

Sixleggedspider, You need to calm down a bit old mate. I’ve been a massive bogan pretty much my entire life, but i still like reading the list and the comments that people post up. Relax, have a beer, punch a cone, you’ll give yourself an ulcer if you keep carrying on like that.

13 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I hate hipsters far more than I hate bogans. Bogans deserve a good glassing, but hipsters deserve a fucking good kicking.

14 01 2011
AntiPajero

Where did you get that picture, TBL? It looks too appropriate to be true.

14 01 2011
sixleggedspider

@loftie and Tombarina- You’re such flirts!
Also, congratulations for taking my comments personally and completely missing the point. I’m not really surprised though. Your reactions only confirm my original viewpoint, and have given me an extra giggle.

@bogan from berra- My beef was that people here are taking themselves too seriously and being too self congratulatory- believe me, I’m feeling quite calm- just highly amused at the irony of some of the comments- particularly the lovely ladies I adressed above. The tone of my comment was no less satirical than any of the other comments made here- the biggest difference I can see is that I dared to use my own brain instead of regurgitating the same old crap over and over again. If having a differing opinion to the majority, and not being desperately worried about fitting in to the elite TBL commenters club is “carrying on”, then my ulcer will be well deserved.
Nobody needs to force me to drink beer either, believe me.

14 01 2011
Maria in Kalgoorlie

Speaking of spurious discounts – could you do a post on the subject of “getting the money back on tax”?

Young bogans I know are very keen on this – ie they pay for a weekend holiday or piece of electronic equipment, invent a connect to their job and say that the expense was no problem as they are getting the money “back on tax” when they do their their return in July.

It became clear chatting to one that they believe that the ATO simply looks at all your receipts, adds up the total and writes you a cheque for the full amount. I nearly got a migraine trying to explain the concept of taxable income to one of them recently. He just looked completely baffled.

14 01 2011
v'visexxx!on

Its called boganomics! I knew one who thought he could buy whatever he wanted with his cash in hand job money, register a business name, and then claim all of his purchases against the tax he paid on his dole money!

16 01 2011
distinguished gentleman

I don’t give a sh1t about petrol prices when fueling up the Statesman. I only put 40 litres in as anymore than that creates a leaking petrol smell from the tank somewhere…..It’s very liberating watching the litres readout, not the price. It costs what it costs, not going to affect my standard of living.

BTW, I love my VS Statesman as it has huge floorspace in the rear. Great for carrying my expensive carbon fibre bicycle around in the safety of the cabin. Also great for loading up my guitars and amps on the rear floor.

Simon, I should give up the Salt n Vinegar chips and do the Alpine Challenge one day. The beer would indeed taste great after that.

17 01 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms

See ya there DG!

19 01 2011
Julie

In the city where I live, petrol prices are all very similar. Almost, if not, the same. Having noticed this over a period of time, I simply fill up my car at the petrol station on my way to work…meaning that I don’t have to deviate from my path or engage in actively “looking” for cheap petrol. I am okay with this.

15 09 2011
greg

I love all the comments on the observance of bogan (culture?). I work in the local servo and I am privlidged to interact with 2 types of bogans, (the touro bogan, and the local type). Tourist bogan pumps $100 diesel into BMW Suv thingy, grabs 2 Litre milk from fridge and asks for 3 packets ciggies ($64), presents coles discount voucher. I tell him that we only do local IGA voucher, he calls me a carnt. Total up purchase, he complains about cost of milk ($4.20) says I can get that for $1 per litre at coles, I say as I grab milk off counter, so you dont want that then. He: I’ll take your rip off milk. Leaves store gets onto suv, wife lowers window and gives me a mouthfull whilst flicking ciggie but onto forecourt of servo, 2 kiddie bogans in back seat give me the finger. What wonderfull people these are. Local bogan: pumps $20.02 petrol (lost voucher but still wants discount) presents debit card, I charge $20.02, he complains that if he paid cash it would be only $20 rounded down so he goes to instore atm withdraws $20 plus $2 charge and pays cash because its the principle of the thing. At least the local bogan has principle(s).

8 12 2011
Billy Bob Buckshee

Hmm all good but me I have a big fuel guzzling fourbe that is great in the city for barging Euro shit out of the way, dick heads on push bikes and has enough metal that if some fuckwit runs into you minimal damage is done. Working in the moines means I don’t have to give a rats about the price of diesel and comes in handy for towing our 2 stroke powered boat and other toys that the inner city wanker can’t afford.After all the only shortage of fuel is for people who can’t afford it! Truth be told there are bogans and wankers most fit in to one or the other.

27 08 2014
Bob

We all know one – a mate who drives a 4 wheel drive – hell, he may even work in the (not quite) country, but for the love of God, the dude will just not fucking shut up about the price of fuel and how much it costs to get from A to B. Every time you catch up it’s there straight out of his mouth, fuel prices…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: