Like anything that always attempts to take things to the max, a year is a long time in the world of the bogan. The proliferation of different sizes and brands of energy drink have meant that the bogan has been able to pack more than ever into its 12 months. Let’s take a look at some of its many achievements.
To its immense delight, the bogan was able to ignore the federal election result of 2010, and focus on entendre. As we progressively analysed in our Bogan Bribe Watch series, the tight budget made it very difficult for the major parties to offer suites of inefficient bogan bribes, such as a “breathing bonus”, or “reprobate rebate”. Accustomed to voting on the basis of these bribes, the confused bogan horde scattered randomly, and failed to elect any party outright.
The bogan, after a fashion
Due to its crippled attention span and need to be max celeb, fashion can be a highly turbulent area in a bogan’s life. Without a rudder of good taste to help it to navigate through the swirling waters of gimmick marketing, the bogan will unload its dollars onto anything that has a critical mass of celebrities attached to it. But the love affair is often short. Two companies that have experienced this in 2010 have been Ed Hardy Australia, and Power Balance. All of the celebrities in the universe could not save these companies from falling out of favour. Ed Hardy Australia is under administration due to imperial over-reach and ADHD, while the four letters that crushed Power Balance was the rather more bureaucratic ACCC.
Hey Hey, My My
Once you’re gone, you can never come back. Unless, of course, the bogan remembers you with rose tinted glasses. This is the bogan mind trick that renders farewell tours such as David Strassman’s profitable, but it caused a bigger problem in 2010. The return of Hey Hey, It’s Saturday to the bogan’s (triple the size of the 1990s) television screen was initially heralded the bogan getting its way, until it remembered that it didn’t want the show when it was axed a decade prior. Once the honeymoon concluded, even the bogan realised that its plasma screen could be better used for something else, such as UFC. We can only hope that the bogan remembers what it learned.
Leak and destroy
As covered just last week, the bogan’s general indifference to Wikileaks (it would much rather Schapelle coming home than Julian, due to Schapelle being a bogan) is in stark contrast to the bogan’s acute interest in Dickileaks, the process of a 17 year old girl revealing pictures of penises. The bogan had mainly limited its internet experience to porn, joining moronic facebook groups, and writing poorly thought out comments on News Limited articles, but the horizon was broadened in 2010. Expect to see the bogan transform into a truth-seeking internet vigilante in 2011, until it gets bored 5 minutes later, and returns to its standard diet of face-stalking and trawling YouTube for conclusive evidence of Lady Gaga’s ladypenis.
Just letting y’all know that we at TBL are taking a brief break over the next week as we recharge the batteries in preparation for a 2011 in which we continue our quest in opposition to the bogan scourge; hopefully via book #2, if we get our arses into gear.
Thanks to everyone for reading through 2010, and we look forward to doing it all again.
Michael, Intravenus, Chas, Flash, Hunter and Enron