Hello and Merry Christmas. As we take a week or two break and swim in our enormous coin piles that have resulted from record-breaking book sales (apparently we’re HUGE in Denmark), content yourself with the weekly dive into the nether regions of the bogan psyche with B(Bo).
Cheers and, again, Merry Christmas from the TBL team. May all your travels be safe and your beers imported.
- In the lower section of the Southern Stand of the MCG, heavily intoxicated after smuggling in a hip flask of bourbon and voice hoarse from repeatedly chanting “you’ll be going home in the back of a divvy van” and “you are a wanker” all day. It will not watch any cricket.
- At its local Westfield shopping centre, battling it out with other bogans to buy things it does not need and cannot afford.
- At home, trying to operate its new 3D LCD LED HD HDMI WTF TV. The bogan will not, under any circumstances, read an instruction manual.
- At their local book store, trying to exchange the copy of ‘Things Bogans Like’ its grandma gave them for Christmas.
The ACCC this week forced the manufacturers of Power Balance bands to admit that their claims about the product are baseless. The bogan believes this is due to:
- A government conspiracy designed to prevent the bogan from becoming mega powerful and flexible
- A government conspiracy designed to strip Brendan Fevola of his boganic powers
- A government conspiracy designed to stop a company from making an honest living
- A government conspiracy designed to ruin Christmas
The worst thing that happened to bogans this week was:
- Discovering that more attractive bogans agree with them that they are superior humans and should not be addressed
- Discovering that 24-hour shopping is not permanent
- Discovering that dozens of asylum seekers perished trying to reach Australian territory
- Discovering that Megan Gale and Andy Lee broke up
Since the government has cruelly taken away the bogan’s ability to derive max power and flexibility from its power balance band, the bogan will have to resort to: