#205 – Dickileaks

22 12 2010

TBL Disclaimer: We apologise for the AFL-centric thrust of this post, but it’s too bogan to ignore

While the bogan reserves the right to be sneaky and dishonest at all times, it demands utmost transparency from others. If at any time the bogan feels it is not experiencing this uniquely boganic form of ‘fair go’, it is aware that either political correctness has gone mad, someone needs to be sued, or some cunt needs to be glassed. Despite this maxtreme quest for the freedom of other people’s information, the bogan has failed to truly embrace Wikileaks. The bogan’s finely sculpted media consumption needs fitted poorly with the story of a grey haired renegade computer geek, and abstract diplomatic and military revelations on matters for which the bogan cares little, such as decade-long wars.

A literal uncovering of notable football players leaked by a renegade sexy schoolgirl, on the other hand, is a cause that the bogan can really get behind. We now know that if Julian Assange was a cheeky, bronzed teenage girl in a bikini, the bogan would have been on the first flight to London to post bail. In contrast to nerdy dweebs in dark rooms performing unfathomable computer wizardry, the bogan can actually relate to dickileaks, as its friend’s sister knows someone who went to school with the girl, and it is certain that she’s “like, totally smokin’”. Thanks to the irresistible blend of sex scandal, celebrities, sports stars, facebook, and nudity, the male bogan diligently set to work on justifying its compulsion to view the penises of other men. The end product of this self-reflection to temporarily bypass its homophobia has generally been “haha, he’s got a small dick”. This allows the male bogan to seem both masculine and uninterested.  It also allows the bogan to tangentially refer to the superior size of its own manhood, something evidenced in photos of a similar kind that nobody will ever want to look at.

Tantalisingly for the bogan, the renegade sexy schoolgirl assures her twitter fans that she possesses an additional 18 photos of naked footballers from a variety of AFL clubs, and will dripfeed them in an Assange-esque manner. The bogan can gleefully speculate on whose penis it will be able to view next, in a totally heterosexual way. Also, now that all the facts of the story are available (courtesy of witnessing a footballer’s press conference and seeing an interview on A Current Affair and Today Tonight) the bogan can begin to opine on who is at fault. This tends to fall into a single category: she’s a slut. The bogan is preternaturally predicated to assume that in any he said-she said situation, if he or she is famous, then that particular he or she is telling the truth. QED.

What this reveals about the bogan is not that it is interested in looking at leaking penises, or even that it is interested in what hot schoolgirls have to say. What it tells us is that, when faced with a choice between real news of global significance, and news generated for maxtreme sound and fury, but signifying absolutely nothing, the bogan will choose the latter every time.


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204 responses

22 12 2010
JimC

Is the sexy schoolgirl Asian?

If so then that might actually cause bogans heads to explode from boganic sensory overload.

22 12 2010
Pendant

I have absolutely no idea what that was all about. It does make me thankful for not owning a TV though. Thanks for keeping me up to date, I guess?

22 12 2010
MeAgain

Hahaha. Who cares if there’s a picture of his little peeny out there?
Slow news week!

22 12 2010
Douglas

That photo is brilliant!

Was waiting at a shop for some food before and glanced at the Herald Sun, cover and first four pages dedicated to this hot story.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I loved how the Herald Sun was refusing to give the girls name so people couldn’t see the pics. So instead, they published a screen shot of her twitter page, blocking only her name out. Unfortunately they forgot to block out all of her followers names. So within 10 seconds, i was able to find her twitter page and name. Within 3 seconds of scanning her twitter page, i was able to ascertain that it was about as riveting as listening to the loud teenage girls at the back of the school bus.

22 12 2010
SD

Its way easy to track.

Her twitter page is dreadful – on the other hand its a language these guys will understand and its about time these entitled prats got their comeuppance?

22 12 2010
martin

Give us some links vivi? Please? I’m curious now because I’m bored and I don’t want to do any work.

Anyway this is all Simon’s fault. For watching these idiots and contributing to their ridiculous salaries.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Oi, leave me out of this Bono.

22 12 2010
martin

F#ck you and you’re stupid aerial ping pong shit Simon.

I found this:

She looks like Chk Chk Boom 2. I’d do her, but then I’d want her to go away immediately. Ok, maybe after an hour.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*Your* f*cktard.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Martin if you’d do Jolie then you are clearly not fussy. That being said she is better than I expected.

I was stupid enough to click on that twitter link of Shirls. I can’t make head or penis of what is being written there.

22 12 2010
SD

🙂

Pendant should be pleased with her spelling being fairly on track though!

22 12 2010
bellastarkey

Ok that video, she isn’t one of those over developed teenagers you usually get these days, she looks really young…

And reminds me of my least favourite sister.

22 12 2010
p'bee

she doesn’t seem to know how to turn her phone off the poor dear.

22 12 2010
Shirley
22 12 2010
martin

Getting pregnant at 16, very bogan.

22 12 2010
p'bee

the four year old photo (so she was what? 13? 14?) with her holding the bottle of some alcohol is very bogan too.

22 12 2010
Shirley

It’s as boring as f*ck. Amazes me that you can have access to millions of photos of penises on the internet, yet some school girl believes people will be hanging out to see the cocks that happen to belong to footballers. What’s even more amazing is that apparently she’s right.

22 12 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
After one conciders the tight shorts the AFL ponces wear it is easy to understand why they all have shrunken mishaped dicks and shrivelled nuts.

22 12 2010
martin

She’s a nice girl. She only f#cked two of the St Kilda players.

http://www.formspring.me/ItsKimDuthie/q/1906963779

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

2 More than I had when I was 17.

23 12 2010
Emma

The Mercury described her as “beautiful, articulate and intelligent”. Practically a role model for all young girls.

23 12 2010
p'bee

if they think she’s ‘beautiful, articulate and intelligent’ are they normally only surrounded by grunting banshee witches?

22 12 2010
Simon of South Yarra

so sin kilda players like showing their dicks and having mates take photos of them and keep said photos on their flaccid drives – sounds a little bit non-straight to me

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’ve seen the pic accidentally via some six degrees bullshit and I’m certain the guy on the left has half a bar. it looks like quite a nice dick.
Why else would you want someone to take a pic?
It’s obvious he wasn’t caught by surprise.
“Check this fuggin thing fellas! who wants a prostate exam.”
we’ve all done it.

(I give up. I’m just hopeless today.
busy busy (trying to buy a house)
no doobie)

22 12 2010
bec

Hope you find a better real estate agent than we had when we bought ours, Chub. Fucking CUB to the max – spray tan, cheap suit, spiky hair, started every sentence with “yeah, right, so”. My mother said she couldn’t trust a man who looked like he repaired his shoes with black nail polish.

22 12 2010
SD

Anyway the mainstream wikileaks reporting is no different. The recent BBC interview was like more Assange’s sexual life less his political life.

Because we totally need to know how many people he slept with.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

salacious celebrity

if I take pictures of my dork no-one bats an eyelid.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Post them up here Chubs and we will score you out of 10!

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The girls of course, I won’t look that would be bogan.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

My tool is subject to private caveats now and has resigned from all public appearances.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I can see a Shirley Mullet – Semen Detective coming out of this.

The case of the fallen saint?

22 12 2010
Shirley

Shirley Mullet Semen Detective: The leaking of the leaky cocks that belong to cocks.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirley Mullet Semen Detective and the case of Nicks cock being nicked.

Will she be able to find his cock and get it back in it’s garage or will she be undone by leaks.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Shirley Mullet Semen Detective and the Case of The Knocked Up Nasty Who Nailed Our Nick

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

the Nick’s Nicked Cock Cock Up.

22 12 2010
p'bee

i can see the nobel prize for literature already.

22 12 2010
SD

I am thinking a kids book.

This is Nick

This is a cock

This is a girl

This is a photo

This is a photo that the girl took of the cock that belongs to Nick.

Etc.

22 12 2010
p'bee

just maybe avoid making it a pop up book. all kinds of creepy there.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

3D, or Where’s Nicks cock (apologies Wally).

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

See Nicks cock leak
Leak Nicks cock leak

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

See Nick
See Nick’s Dick
See Nick’s Dick Spot
See Nick’s Dick Spot Run
See Nick
Run

22 12 2010
SD

Also all new bogan schoolyard games:

Here we go snapping nuts this day,
Nuts this day, nuts this day,
Here we go snapping nuts this day,
On a cold and frosty morning.

And so on.

22 12 2010
James Hunter

In that littles book I recall that it was spot the dog that ran. so instead of see spot , see spot run we have see cock. see cock run. cant say if we hade the boys at soccer. see cock . see cock dribble migh t be something. or cock at pool hall. see cock see cock sink the red ball ? or even see cock sink four balls in a row?

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nick, Nicked in the Nick.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

cock

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

CSI – St Kilda

Quick call David Caruso so he can remove his sunglasses in a dramatic fashion.

22 12 2010
Nelson Esq

Which scenario is more wrong? Being outed for having an underage girl take a picture of you naked or having your team mate take a picture of you naked.

Both seem very bogan and very wrong…

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I think the chick confers more bogan cred.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

the girl took the photos???

oh that’s wrong.

22 12 2010
hel

Everyone seems to be bypassing the biggest question! Why the hell does Nick Rewoldt shave his pubes? !!!! And yes, as uttered earlier, kudos on that photo! Hilarious! I am printing it for my white board at work.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

#168 Hel.

22 12 2010
hel

I thought that was just the femmebogue? Men with no pubic hair look even more hideous than femmes sans all pubes.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
15 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

To be fair, non bogans do this as well.

(OK, fine, only I do.) But it makes the ol’ junk look bigger when looking down.

22 12 2010
Mumfy27

because the the fembogue likes a clean dining room……….(theres my dick joke for the day)

22 12 2010
James Hunter

The shaved pubes are not shaved at all . lack of hair is just normal for immature boys.

22 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Both physically and emotionally.

22 12 2010
Dgusten

I think it’s interesting if only because it shows a massive gap in our privacy laws.

I mean, the Privacy Act (and other legislation) is ridiculously over the top in preventing companies from giving the slightest bit of information about you to someone else.

But it doesn’t apply to individuals at all, meaning that some narcissistic fame and money hungry psycho can post what she likes about you, and you have to rely on obscurities such as copyright law (but only if she didn’t take the photo) or defamation (because she’s imputed that he’s allowed his naked photo released and that false imputation is defamatory to his reputation) to have any recourse.

When it really should be a simple question: Has he been subject to what an ordinary and reasonable person would describe as an invasion of privacy? Answer yes, so he should be able to sue the pants off her (so to speak). And here, her maliciousness make me think she should be subject to criminal penalties too.

22 12 2010
James Hunter

privacy laws or laws on privates ?

22 12 2010
XXX

I’m just a bit concerned as to why the players were (being careful here) hanging around with a girl who was 16 at the time. She was supposedly dating one of the St Kilda guys (the one who she lifted the photos from his computer). Listening to 3AW this morning, Andrew Dimetriou said that the girl was being handled by the AFL since April (along with her family) which certainly indicates that they fell some type of responsibility for her in some way. Surely they would not help her out of the goodness of their hearts. I really believe that she feel genuinely victimised and they have not handled her properly and they are now reaping what they have sown.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

16 Year olds, what’s the world coming to. Back when I played we would never hang around with chicks that old, never know where they have been.

5 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I was rooting 16 year olds when I was playing league…

…in my dreams.

22 12 2010
p'bee

and max markson will be on the scene in 3…2…

22 12 2010
SD

You mean Maxx Marxxon of course.

22 12 2010
martin

Maybe if you libtards did more nudie things like showing your cocks, doing sex videos, doing shoots for FHM and stuff you’d get somewhere.

Maybe Geraldine Doogue and the ABC staff could do one of those sexy oldies calendars.

22 12 2010
SD

let’s see so far Chubby has promised the nudie thing-can you promise us your Ms. Jolie sex tape in return?

22 12 2010
p'bee

and then there’s your children’s book. we’re covering the nudie thing quite well today, i think.

22 12 2010
SD

True!

Martin, Ms Sales may not comply but your sex tape with sexy oldie Doogue will do.

PS: Just realised, the post pic is from Crikey.

22 12 2010
martin

Well they seem to have made a few of them around the world. Those pictures of them with pot plants in front of their bits. It would adorn the wall of every abode in the Inner West of Sydney.

22 12 2010
martin

Sure. If I ever conquer the enigmatic libtard Angelina Jolie I would be proud.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, Kerry O’Brien, Maggie Beer, Anthony Green, Drew Morphett will sell like hot cakes Martin.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Don’t forget Virginia Trioli

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Mmmmmm or the dude who sits in her lap.

22 12 2010
p'bee

pulling her interviewing barnaby joyce face?

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Virginia Trioli. the sexual man’s thinking symbol.

22 12 2010
martin

They could bring Maxine McKew back, she’s a bit of alright for an old duck, make her lick her lips a lot like when she won Howard’s seat.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Martin, you need help!

22 12 2010
martin

It’s my public school bogan education, I’m f#cked for life I’m afraid.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

It’s a pity Ruth Cracknell’s “Crossed Over”

there’s a thought.
Things Bogans Like

# 744 – Psychics
I’ll bet it’s already in the pipeline.

22 12 2010
p'bee

tony jones gets his own special calendar.

22 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Just make sure he doesn’t wear the same tie twice, ’cause that’ll be the only attire allowed him!

22 12 2010
James Hunter

BOT,
Should nt that be “at tire”

22 12 2010
hel

Can we tie this in to our Chiliean Porn venture Simon?
Mining Footy Gold?
Goal in the Hole?
Pionts for NIcks behind?
Aussie Chile- handle the heat (metaphorical and literal…. nice)

22 12 2010
p'bee

when an exotic end of season footy trip goes wrong, all the boys have to pass the time is a digital camera…

23 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Maybe she is Tunnel Kunt, seems experienced enough?

22 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

There was also the Chaser sketch (can’t be arsed right now finding which episode or season) with the ABC personalities nuding up for a calendar, with a full-frontal Red Kezza (albeit a fake)…so, that’s closer to reality than you think, a calendar with the wizened features of older Aunty personalities in tasteful monochrome, taking the piss out of those said calendars.

If perhaps one of us in Sydney were bold enough to raid the Chaser’s props store, then you’d have your very own copy, limited edition of one (or maybe one each for both those rapscallions and their subjects). Or approach one of the lads very nicely and beseech them to furnish you with a copy, just updating the year pattern to 2011.

22 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Oh, she already has garnered controversy, as seen on Chaser:

22 12 2010
kymbos

Two things:

1. Everyone likes dickileaks – the bogan is no stand out on this.

2. The conclusion reached that ‘she’s a slut’ comes from the bogan’s knowledge that in any conflict, men are always right. There is a dispute between and AFL footballer and a woman, ipso facto, she’s a slut.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

True Kymbos, however I think the point is that the bogan has ignored a much more significant international event – i.e wikileaks, in favour of a cock out shot from a footy star.

22 12 2010
Dgusten

I’ve seen many newspaper website posts from bogans reaching the conclusion that “they’re a footballer so they deserve whatever they get”.

Different side of the same bogan coin.

22 12 2010
p'bee

one or other but never something in between.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, lots of bogans happy to see footballers in the poo. Kind of sad for both parties really. Nick is one of the less offensive ones (if it was someone from Collingwood I would be cheering for the chick). What is so wrong with being good at sport and being paid for it? I would if I could. Beats working for a living.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

He was once asked to say the first thing that came to his mind in response to random words. When the word given was “gay”, his response was “dead”. Inoffensive my arse.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ok, I’ll give you that one, f*ck him. Go chick!

Seriously, that is just wrong V’v.

22 12 2010
SD

These are the guys who have naked pics taken by team mates who then store and distribute it to the team as a sign of how totes heterosexual they are.

Seriously, its a disturbed culture.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m surprised I had not heard that, being a bit of a sports nut. All respect in the dude has gone right out the window. I probably shouldn’t be surprised really.

22 12 2010
martin

Because any idiot can play sport. Well most people can.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

True, like music most can give it a bash but few are actually any good at it.

22 12 2010
martin

Music is way harder, even being a lipsinking dancer is way harder.

22 12 2010
martin

syncing, carnts.

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ahh, if Madonna can do it how hard can it be. And she is nintyeleven.

22 12 2010
SD

and without any performance enhacing drugs too.

22 12 2010
martin

22 12 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Who would cum at that?

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Off topic, but still genital related, we’ve just had a staffroom chat about the various objects discovered in genitals/orificaces (orifii?) by doctors and nurses.
Top 4
An entire manicure set inside a female patient secret jesus spot
A shower tap in a guys arse
A piece of rubber tube inserted up a guy into the bladder – broke off
A $5 dollar note inside a sex worker getting a pap smear – she asked for it back.

I love my job.

And I saw a male stripper in Prague give change out of his arse – coins only though

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

#615 – Disinfectant

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

what a fascinating life you lead V’v.

was the manicure set still in its case?
or just loose items?

I dont know why I care.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Loose items I believe.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

“Curiouser and curiouser!” cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

And the guy with the rubber hose up his bits, was just quietly doing his tax, and was sick of getting up to go to the toilet, so he thought he would make a catheter like they gave him in hospital a few years earlier. Could happen to anyone really….

22 12 2010
hel

Jokes aside, on a practical level, unless that was a VERY large or chunky nail file and scissors I can imagine that would be about as fulfilling at Nicks flaccid member.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Who knows, maybe she just had storage issues at home? It’s not always about pleasure hel!

22 12 2010
hel

I will stick to Ikea thanks. I am actually waiting for them to start selling budget sex toys, or knowing Ikea, maybe sex toys that double as manicure sets, clearly there is a market.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Ikeas New Swiss Army Dildo – pleasure yourself, do some filing, trim your bush. Perhaps a little fork for eating your meatballs. Good thinking hel.

22 12 2010
hel

I want a Swiss Army Dildo, mind you Ikea would probably manage to name it something like “The Kunt Dooble” or “Kuntfoon”, no matter the name, I wish for one.

22 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

maybe if you jumped around a bit…

22 12 2010
bellastarkey

My mum told me about when she was working in a women’s hospital and a couple came in because the woman was having pain during sex and had become all infected down there… turns out they were trying to do it in the urethra… how small does your cock have to be…

22 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

There are some things I wish I didn’ know.

22 12 2010
hel

when my Mum commenced midwifery in the late 50s she recalled a very sweet couple who owned a quiet little farm in the highlands of Scotland who had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and no luck. Upon examination, the morbidly obese bride was a virgin, he had been plugging away, they assumed amongst the staff, at a roll of fat.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

That would be awkward to explain to the patient.

22 12 2010
hel

on the plus side she was not cheating! Us Scots are good like that!

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

The real plus side is that the pair of fools didn’t manage to breed 🙂 If i’d been the Dr I wouldn’t have told them just encouraged them to keep trying.

22 12 2010
hel

probably why Scotland has such a small population, it’s got nothing to do with the shite weather, we just canny f*ck.

22 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

What do you do with the stuff, Viv? Chuck it in the “Free Stuff” box? Or do you have to pay to keep it?

On topic, the girl’s not that bad (better face than the chk chk boom girl) but I can understand older/wiser/less hormonal male members’ reservations.

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I believe a certain urologist in melbourne has an excellent private collection of found objet d’art… I work in a GP clinic, so we don’t get them come in here, but these tales come from dr’s who have all done their time in the hospital system, usually casualty depts.

I think it should be raffled off for a children’s charity – Variety, Make a Wish, or Starlight perhaps

22 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Nice. My parents are both doctors. I’m now worried about where all my childhood toys came from.

23 12 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
I heard tell from a doctor friend of the old lady was taken to her doctor and then to a gyno as she had a foul smell comming from her Vagina. the specialist removed a complete set of dentures !!!
Had apparently been there a long while. Make one wonder about “Snapping Pussy” what ??

23 12 2010
Nelson Esq

My brother always says that you have to be wary of vagina’s with teeth…I didn’t think they actually existed…until now, that is!!

22 12 2010
johnnydrama

In my workplace a few years back (sadly not on my shift), a guy came in with one of those rolls of strasburg up his arse. Not a small one. The surgical notes made mention of the smallgoods including adding ‘Don variety’ as if that made a difference. I didn’t think the arrogant dick had a sense of humour.

22 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Is Don. Is fooking good!

24 12 2010
lola

In a similar vein (?) I know of situation where a guy presented to A&E with plaster of Paris up his arse. It had started to set. The quick thinking registrar called for an obstetrician (!) who carefully and gently got the hardening anal cast out. His notes were hysterical: ‘Plaster cast: anal delivery’ like it was newborn baby, only made out of plaster, and arriving out of an arsehole.

22 12 2010
johnnydrama

Oh there was this other youngish guy and his girlfriend who presented a little embarrassed because his girlfriend wanted to ‘experiment’ and encouraged him to let her put one of those bullet vibrators in his arse. I guess with all the lube she couldn’t hold on to it burrowed on in. To make matters worse he didn’t have private cover and had to be transferred to the public hospital to have it dealt with. His misadventure was handed over to a whole new bunch of staff 🙂 I wonder if they’re still together? I bet it’s all missionary position and lights out now. Definitely no kinky hijinks!

22 12 2010
Bellastarkey

How long did it tak for the batteries to die?

22 12 2010
hel

then there was the man who drove from Broome to Derby (210km) with a sex toy stuck in his bottom cause he didnt want to go to Broome hospital since he lived in the town, got to Derby, no one opened the hospital doors (this was the early 80’s, don’t ask and it was the middle of the night) so he drove back to Broome and had to get help there…….. he later wrote to the hospital and thanked them for their understanding treatment and how he was not made to feel ashamed. Well, apart from telling their kids……..

22 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I think the drive was all part of the pleasure, all alone on that bumpy dirt track. As one of my Drs said today, the background story they give is the most interesting part.

22 12 2010
bec

How many times can you trip and fall on a well-placed coke bottle though, Viv?

22 12 2010
23 12 2010
Pendant

“ACCC gets another major scalp. What about the petrol companies who rip us off daily??? Do something!!!”
Those crazy Herald Sun commenters! What are they like?

23 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

daniel saul of perth Posted at 1:17 AM Today
they really work for bogans… things bogans like website pointed them out ages ago

Comment 21 of 62

22 12 2010
23 12 2010
SD

Its the time for lists.

Things I learnt in 2010 thanks to TBL:

1. The existence of vajazzling
2. The existence of the V lick
3. The replacement of X by V
4. #124 is a word of its own; TBLers are remarkably proficient at making 124 jokes
5. TBL is quietly putting each entry out of business (Stone, watch you back)
6. The most common bogan cry on this blog: You all are losers
7. Bogan variations of names are endless. Ditto bogan interests
8. I can’t speak bogue and thus cannot contribute to Viv’s blog 😦
9. Shirl is held to be the coolest person on the TBL planet
10. The rest are awesome, you know who you are!

Please do not speculate on why I chose 1-4, its the company I keep 🙂

Merry Xmas one and all, I am sure like me most people are taking a break. Chubby, Panda, Simon et al shall of course present us with a holiday koan/limerick.

I have immensely enjoyed your company. I walk around with a strange smile thinking of things you said.

That’s all.

23 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Hey SD, I hope you have a relaxing break over the new year! And the rest of ya’ll too! I’ll check in from time to time to see if anyone’s about for a natter. 🙂

23 12 2010
SD

You too, Viv!

23 12 2010
p'bee

nice list sd, but you got number 6 wrong – it should read youse is all just jealous losers, possibly with the addition of something about being beaten up in high school.

23 12 2010
SD

Stand corrected, I need to put learning bogue on my NY resolutions!

23 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I’d be happy to teach for an appropriately maxxtreme fee.

Don’t worry if you can’t pay it now – No Interest, No Repayments and No Deposit for 12 months!

*when I say months I mean seconds*.

24 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Say the fine print really fast, akin to the voiceover guy who does the Harvey Norman ads and you’ll have maxxtreme cred in spruiking your services of slovenly slang!

23 12 2010
XXX

The Knox Leader Newspaper is an endless source of amusement if you want to see the latest in bogan baby names. Just go to the page that shows the new arrivals at the local hospital. I love it when they announce the arrival of ….insert bogan name…. brother or sister of …..insert another bogan name…….Sometimes you get two or three bogan sibling names.

27 12 2010
hel

SD you are awesome! Bask in the boganity like a fat femme bogue basking in her $3 pedicure on kuta beach……………….. no it does not make you look classy! Thats why it only cost $3! Eat a salad. Merry Christmas

23 12 2010
James Hunter

All you TBLers , Power Balance Wristbands have been BANNED by the ACCC Yea.
Wonder how much TBL can be credited with this ?

23 12 2010
XXX

I had quite a robust discussion about the wristbands at a recent gathering with the in-laws (hubbys side, not mine). Many of them were wearing them and I was quite adament that they were useless and they were telling me that I was wrong and all the “top sportsmen” were using them. It will be interesting to see what they have to say when I have to endure the bogan-in-laws on Christmas Day!

23 12 2010
XXX

And how long did it take??????????? I could have worked it out the day those things were first put out for sale!

24 12 2010
Will S

I just can’t grasp any of this stuff about Power Balance. What was there to even work out? There isn’t even any plausible way they could work, how could anyone possibly think they did?

24 12 2010
p'bee

you’re forgetting the vehement anti-intellectualism of the bogan. trying to explain how completely crap these are requires some basic science which is, of course, anathema to the bogue.

24 12 2010
XXX

I wish you could have sat in on the conversation I had with these intellectual giants! I was expressing the same sentiment as you. Bogans think that if they give an explanation really loudly even though they are talking complete shit, then somehow they will sound credible.

23 12 2010
p'bee

tbl clearly have powers beyond their reckoning – ed hardy in receivership, power balance bands pounced on by the accc, what will be next?

23 12 2010
v'visexxxion

You forget Krispey Kreme biting the dust!

23 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Hey, that one hurt non bogans as well. (Well, me). I gotta get my sugar hit somewhere, and donuts taste nice.

23 12 2010
James Hunter

Ash,
The only good part of a donut is the hole ! Possibly also the only part you can use with out putting your health at risk !!

23 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

JH, my health ship has long sailed. Now it’s just a race to see whether my liver or heart goes first. I’m hoping for liver cause then I have more control over my own death.

23 12 2010
James Hunter

Ash,I would realy ask that you reconsider that. Liver failure is not a pretty way to go. The only control you have is in the causing of it which to my mind might be great but worth the end result. Heart attack is quick , well , mostly although congestive heart failure would be a miserable end.

I tell people that the good thing about getting old is that we only have to do it once !!(James Hunter)

I also keep telling people to remember that the only person that they have to live with for the rest of their lives is themselves. (Oscar Wilde)

23 12 2010
James Hunter

but”not” worth

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

JH, my fear of heart disease is that I get a stroke or something and that it doesn’t kill me, but leaves me a vegetable with no control over myself. If I get liver disease, I can just get a bottle of vodka and some pills and drift away before it kills me.

23 12 2010
Nelson Esq

It was funny reading about this the newspaper this morning, especially after hearing an ad on radio featuring Jason Akermanis saying that the Power balance bands really do work!

Thank God I’m not a bogan, because if I was, after hearing contradictory news like this, my brain would surely expode!

23 12 2010
Andrew

Examining the dickileaks saga couldn’t help but remind me of the classic Frontline episode where they ‘outed’ the lesbian netballers, but baulked at Emma’s news a prominent member of the cricket team was gay. While I have next to no respect for Lara Bingle, it seemed quite okay for the Sun God’s commentators to have a field day showing her facebook moment (and rationalising it as news) but have jumped to the defence of Riewoldt. Even more disgusting have been the comments after his smoothly executed press conference. “Nick’s a man, a leader, showed he is a class act”. Wrong. A man, a leader and a class act wouldn’t allow himself to be in that situation in the first place.

24 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

More like a crass act, or a glass act?

I’m not sure which, most likely both.

23 12 2010
Magpieboy

If they want to know who took these photos all they need to do is get Sam Gilbert’s laptop hard drive and professionally recover the photo’s if they were there to begin with. Unless he has used a program that destroys files entirely or has fully format his whole hard drive they will still be recoverable.

23 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Merry Christmas all. Thanks for a year of fun, frivolity and pornography. My you all enjoy much wine, food and good company (and hopefully some bogans to point at and laugh). And don’t stick anything sharp up your butt (Christmas tip #1).

24 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

And kids, also remember never to stick anything bigger than your elbow in your earhole, either.

23 12 2010
DP

Here’s a thought… Can Reiwoldt and Del Santo sue Gilbert for workplace harassment? Let’s examine the facts: (1) It was a St Kilda player that took the photos and (2) it happened on an end-of-year team trip. What sort of tool takes photos of their teammates in the nude for a good time? I suppose it makes for interesting post-match showers in the locker rooms…

23 12 2010
distinguished gentleman

We really are an isolated, naive bunch, us who live on this distant continent. Why is this news? Does not everyone realise that young kids you can play sport are not automatically fine upstanding citizens. they do what every other person their age gets up to……meanwhile world events go largely ignored. perhaps ignorance is bliss……..BTW, the local Melton paper had a new arrival by the name of “Diesel”. WTF??? mum looked like she was eligible for adult social benefits in a few years time…….and thanks for ruining Xmas all you antler and red nose wearing drivers……thanks for a great year TBL and everyone here!!

23 12 2010
Tombarina

Happy Christmas, TBLers. Have loved reading your comments and witty repartee even more than the original topics, which is saying something.

With much love
Tomba
Parking Man
The Sole Offspring
x

24 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

my christmas gift to all of you.

I swear, I hadn’t had a decent conversation for ten years before this particular Sandpit was built. I sincerely endorse this product or service. It has brightened every day of this year for my beautiful wife and me. It let us expunge dormant creativity, it let us know we were not alone, It gave us many larfs on and offline and kept us up to date with the News. When I am emperor (in a purely populist and titular role), I will install TBL as Cabinet. All the rest of youse will be advisors and Senators. We will save Humankind.

either that or in a thousand years Self Aware Trees will discover The TBL book and see it for one of the Skulls of The Ancestors and know that these men; The Authors, were the chroniclers of the End’

OK. Here’s yer pressie. Probably don’t open it until you’re ready to eat the whole thing. I always like to get augmented, but that’s up to you, put this on your cans or turn it up as loud as mum will let you, shut your eyes and ride that big fat Cock Rock Guitar all the way to fucking Valhalla. Or wherever the fuck you go. Feel that big inchohate silent, screaming lyric in your head at the end there? Feel Better Now?
Trust me. The third and fourth time I heard this, I cried. and wrote this.

you must listen to the whole thing. Or it won’t work. Don’t let the break beat at the start scare you off it’s like The Chemical brothers, Deep Forest, The Crystal Method, Metallica, Primus, Metronomy, Faith No More, LCD Soundsystem, Guns and Roses, Devo, Hawkwind. Depeche Mode and the Flaming Lips all on a mild Endone and Ritalin overdose… Sorry, No Sixties Garage.

Dogen tells us There is Only This. Now.
If, at the end of this tune, in that Moment you don’t think it is the best piece of music ever I will give you your money back.

Greetings and Felicitations of The Season Fellows!

24 12 2010
Phil

Great – what’s the album like?

24 12 2010
lola

Chubbybloodfart I’m cringing just a little bit. That psy-attempt at epic rock is embarrassing. They did it better in the 70s, but it’s better left there too. I always LOL at the name Infected Mushroom too – kind of lame and cute at the same time. Gimme the banging stuff you’ve put up previously any day.

26 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Yeah. I must have been off my face.
Interesting though. The new Mushie album is full of guitar.
Phil loves it. Anyway it worked for me at the time.
here’s a consolation prize.
a bit downbeat, but pretty fat.
Sounds like Donna Summer being chased by robot dogs.

26 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

oops!

24 12 2010
Tone

Infected Mushroom is arguably the greatest Israeli electronica act ever.

26 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Yeah. Infected Mushie are the corporate face of Psy Trance. Probly the biggest artist of the genre.
I don’t usually dig on them. Bit too “full on”
I would generally prefer really brutal downbeat.
Antix again.
get yer headphones.

24 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Every time I see that painting I want to say “pull my finger.”

24 12 2010
Blueballs

The poor thing just does not get it, Alex Fevola needs to tell this girl how a real AFL Groupie should act!

24 12 2010
martin

Merry Xmas/Festivus/Holidays/Whatever to youse all. For me it’s just exchanging presents, having a good feed, getting maggoted and hoping a few of my bogan relies don’t piss me off too much.

Well done to TBL, hope the book makes some good money, this seems to be one of the few or only forums I know where you need an iq over 120 or so in order to fit in.

One of the good things about Christmas Day is that it’s finally f#cking over. 🙂

24 12 2010
Shirley

Merry Christmas to you all and thank you so much for the laughs, insights, links to weird shit and your generally cracking company. I hope you are able to celebrate in whichever way you choose with ease and happiness. Here is a video of my favourite (sort of) Christmas song for your optional enjoyment.

Be excellent to each other punks. x

24 12 2010
hel

I also want to say to every one of you, Merry Christmas! The discovery of and subsequent involvement in this blog has been a highlight of my year! I am not sure if that is a positive or a negative but it’s been wonderful! Bring on 2011 (but no one buy me a Power Balance Band for Chrissy please) and now I am off to smash some lamb on the barbie, fry those c*nts til they turn black and enjoy a tinnie of VB sitting in the sunshine out the back of me McMansion.

24 12 2010
ManishMuse

haha yesss the homo-centric nature of the pics that no newspapers will mention but everyone is wondering! but it’s all well and good to be all superior to the bogan that is interested in this issue over wikileaks and other breaking news (it’s been a big week [Russia deal, getting rid of ‘don’t ask don’t tell’]) but I still think this issue is very significant, and much prefer supporting this nutty teen that has done more than any other man or woman to challenge the AFL’s misogynist treatment of women, than Assange who is trying to escape his sexual assault charges in Sweden. Have you checked out his dating profile from 2008? guys a douche. Wikileaks would do well to get rid of him, so no i’m not gonna be a crazy lefty that rallies in HIS defense – but I hope it doesn’t make me a bogan because i’d join a rally for this girl.

24 12 2010
Phil

Chubby, T, S, J, even F, all of the rest of you, I bought thre Infected Mushroom’s CDs this afternoon. Many a story to tell….
Thanks I wuill tell a gfew in 2011

24 12 2010
Phil

that needs some editing…

24 12 2010
Phil

That is, I am listening to Infected Mushrooms [great driving musoc] and I hjadnt heard of them,m yesterdays

24 12 2010
Phil

Something wrong with this connection……..

26 12 2010
john

#206 Baby on board stickers? Who gives a fuck who is on board, Bogan breeders breeding bogan offspring, in bogan breeder suburbs, buying a bogan 4WD placing that stupid sticker and we are supposed to care? 206 is overdue!!

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

And then they bitch about being full.

27 12 2010
James Hunter

John,
you missed the point. The baby on board is ment to explain the dangerous driving on display.

27 12 2010
john

@james, oh, you mean the bogan display where they can enjoy watching their new reverse camera screen display, showing themselves running over their bogan child riding the plastic trike in the driveway? Well at least now they can’t complain they never saw their mini mullet haircut bogan being reversed upon.

meanwhile are intellectuals aware there is a surge coming……

WARNING stop Intellectuals everywhere take note stop bogan surge breeding program stop launch date 1/1/11stop potential darwin award hazard exists nation wide stop expected to skyrocket in coming decades stop Intellectuals everywhere take note stop further details stop bogan universal paid parental leave breeding scheme commencing 1/1/11 to create more bogans stop speculation more bogan hummers will be joined together to make new stretch hummers stop more ‘bogan on board’ stickers required stop ….end transmission.

27 12 2010
ptiffany

OK, this site generalises bogans and not in a kind way. Yet the very people who have flocked to this site since it began are bogans but only the ones without girlfriends to beat up.
Do you really get the internet in jail or are you using NetCafe?

27 12 2010
hel

is this woman and idiot or a bogan? Oh is ptiffany some nouve bogue spelling of ‘epiphany’ as a name for the young, yet to be sexually indiscriminant femme bogue? Do tell!!

27 12 2010
hel

and bogans don’t use netcafe you silly thing! Too many asians, arts students and hipsters sipping lattes.

29 12 2010
john

ptiffany, I bet you thought whale watching was out in the ocean? Those bogan kankles are readily recognisable anywhere!

29 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Depends on what you’re in for. If you’re in Long Bay for glassing some cunt, then yes.

30 12 2010
Hel

“like”

29 12 2010
Will S

The site isn’t even about bogans, it’s about things. That bogans like.

30 12 2010
Hel

Bogans like things……. These are them 🙂

30 12 2010
Kaos

Hey I have some more topics for TBL which are keeping in spirit with their other hilarious topics.

1. Water – The bogan loves to drink water and use it for other activities too, such as hygiene and washing things. So greedy!

2. Air – The bogan loves to breathe in air without any consideration for the environment or other people. So selfish.

3. Food – The bogan just loves to eat food! Who would have thought they bogan would need to eat.

4. Money – The bogan loves to spend money on things. TBL tards never spend any money on anything.

I think you get the point. EAD.

Haha, you say don’t like it, but you keep coming back. Bless you, my child. TBL

20 02 2011
XXX

I am amazed that no one has posted on the latest dikileaks scandal – Ricky Nixon! WTF??????????

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