#203 – Being Smart

15 12 2010

The bogan will tell you that it doesn’t like intellectuals. Intellectuals are poofs because they think they’re better than the bogan, despite the intellectual having no track record in train surfing, Jager Bombing, or quoting from Two and a Half Men. But regardless of its dislike of critical or abstract thought, the bogan has an inexplicable need to see itself as very intelligent. However, having never done anything especially intelligent, the bogan finds itself faced with a deficit of proof in this regard. So the bogan embarks on a search for evidence of its own intelligence; a process that intrinsically involves a thorough disregard for the amply available evidence that it is not intelligent at all. But after a while, the bogan realises that beating five year old Mavrik at basic maths problems on its Nintendo DS will not be sufficient.  After an aborted attempt at trying to unwrap its newly acquired Rubik’s cube, the bogan turns to online IQ tests. IQ tests have been popular for over 80 years as a pleasing way to quantify a narrow measure of mental potential, and the idea of a simple test to substitute for tangible life achievement is immensely appealing to the bogan, who just hasn’t got around to starting its own online business empire or solving cold fusion yet.

Typically, IQ tests are conducted by accredited psychologists to ensure some degree of credibility, but due to most psychologists being somewhat intellectual, this environment is unacceptable for the score-hungry bogan. The other problem with clinical IQ tests is the difficulty of posting the outcome to a Facebook page for the purpose of boasting and adulation. Fortunately, the bogan is aware of the capacity to score 137 on a highly legit online IQ test, cheerfully completed in only 5 minutes. The bogan is initially puzzled at the term “percentile” in the accompanying “Your IQ score is…” e-mail, but is relieved to read the word ‘genius’ next to this obvious typo. Some seconds later, its status update reads “OMG. OMG! Just totally did one of them IQ test and I’m like a totally genius. ROLF”. A few more seconds later, the bogan is pleased to find that 18 co-bogans have pressed ‘like’ on this.

IQ tests form a convenient, highly quotable measure of a bogan’s alleged intelligence. However, should it perform unsatisfactorily and its score be regarded as intellectually retarded, it will rapidly disregard the test as stupid. IQ tests, the bogan will tell itself, don’t measure character, charm, wit or the all-important knowledge in the ‘Real World’.  The National IQ Test, conducted once in 8 years and hosted by MENSA president Eddie McGuire and Livanilla Nixon is thus a formidable day of reckoning for the bogan. On this day, it pits its mad mental skills against the rest of the country, but mainly against WAGs, tradies, Boost juice franchisees, Elvis impersonators and sports fanatics. With the help of a little bit of corner cutting, collusion, and amending, the bogan’s eventual score will possibly be enough for it to sink smugly back into its wallow of Zoo Weekly, fad diets, and red carpet specials.


Actions

Information

347 responses

15 12 2010
Shirley

Shirl likes this.

15 12 2010
bec

Smart like this guy, who wins a fight by telling an elderly lady that she has a bigger dick than him?

Oh, South-East Queensland. You’re the reason the terrorists hate us.

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

ha! Couldn’t be the Indian bashers in Melbourne and the Cronulla Riots in Sydney that give anyone the impression we’re dickheads

15 12 2010
bec

I hate his cold dead eyes.

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

I can’t watch it at work. But I took offense to your SE Qld comment – surely all of Australia has dickheads who should (and can) be judged as harshly!

15 12 2010
bec

Not as much as Logan, Caboolture, the GC, and the cesspool of McMansions around Springfield Lakes and Northlakes. It’s like concentrated *evil* here.

That particular little ditty was filmed on a Logan bus.

15 12 2010
RobertL

My parents built a house in North Lakes back when it was first opening. Ironically, NL was pitched as being a bit exclusive back then, and my folks thought that they might escape the bogan element. As an example of its “exclusivity” they had some fairly strict rules about car parking – you couldn’t park a work vehicle with a business name on it in public view, for instance.

Not long after they moved there, the developer sold out to whichever developer runs it now, and the whole place nosedived into boganity. Or maybe the original developer could not stop the bogan tide that was engulfing it.

Anyway, my folks moved out to Redcliffe, where they are in a much older house, in a very diverse neighbourhood, where any sign of boganity is firmly of the old school style.

15 12 2010
bec

The youth violence and delinquency problems they have up at North Lakes is pretty stunning. I guess when you move somewhere with the specific goal of secluding yourself from “undesirables” (uni students, reffos, immigrants), you just make a delightful little petri dish in which to nurture the worst of a culture…

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

We have that in Perth too: pretty much the whole Northern Coastal suburbs, bounded by Beach and Wanneroo Roads. Completely vanilla, with the aftertaste of cashed-up bogan. And the further North you go, the more McMansions there are, most with dark-coloured roofs, of which are totally ridiculous in one of the sunniest cities in the world…go to higher ground overlooking such suburbs like Mindarie and Currambine, there’s a vast vista of a desolate sea of such rooftiles, unrelieved by any pesky trees.

But they look good ‘n’ sh¡t, especially without the eaves!

15 12 2010
Sandgroper-in-exile

“….in one of the sunniest cities in the world”

Shhh! *whispers conspiratorially*

The Queenslanders think that their state has the monopoly on the light from Sol. How dare any southerner (yes, the Rest of Australia is “southern” according to Queenslanders) usurp the title of “Sunshine State.”

Next you and your fancy book lernin’ will be tellun’ uz that the Urf is round and the sun bathes hald the surface in light at any given time. Aye.

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

LOL it’s been pouring in SE Queensland!! Flushing away all the bogan southerners who amass here for the holidays…

15 12 2010
hel

You could take a flame thrower to that stretch of our Coast Turnip and it would be a vast improvement. Either that or just wall the area in and forget about it. I’m happily esconsed well away from that miasma of poor taste, having a pint at The Scotsman or purchasing a book at Planet. Sh*t, I think I am a beatnik.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

yay Planet!
we were in planet the other week.
it’s really grown!
but 78’s has really shrunk.
😦

15 12 2010
hel

Chubs, Planet is so many levels of awesome. I have friends who refuse to buy there as they say it is too expensive but I say it is about the experience, Borders has no soul, you leave Planet feeling embued and happy (though that could be from the beers at the Scotsman) I work around the corner from 78’s and yes, it is depressingly reduced in size. People tell me I could sell my house (Bedford) and buy a McMansion in Bogueville but I can’t give up Planet, good public transport or Magic Pizza

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I lived at Mt Lawley about 10 years ago. Planet was just a video store, but super cool.
I saw so many good films, it changed my life. and the cinema at leederville… Luna?
or was that a supermarket at scarboro?
And Jumbo Chinese Restaurant on Gt E Hwy up from burswood. Gone now. but it was awesome. There is a tiny italian place near there. Mia Casa or something? blink and you’ll miss it, but Go There. The Gnochi Amatriciana could bring on world peace. There was an awesome mexican over your way too…
I hated perth when I lived there, and missed it when I left.
and hated it when I came back.
I’m a fickle cat

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

It’s not that bad. I just hide in my little old property with its trees and birds.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

that reminds me of a Facebook status I saw yesterday by some bogan I used to work with a long time ago who recently requested my “friendship”;
“needs a gun for the fucking birds out side shut the fuck up”
and her friend’s comment “then ill borrow it for the exact samme fuckin thing… they fucking shit me big time”

I commented “charming…”

I wonder how they’d feel if someone came to where they live and shot them because they were sick of hearing their shit?

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Or a Hipster, natch…they do indeed lurve Teh Arrondissement 😛

But being one of either of them is a vastly better proposition than being as bogan, especially the newer stripes.

Agreed re using a flame thrower to improve the landscape. Walling would just further their sense of broad-based exclusivity, an oxymoron if there ever were, and turn that stretch into Aussie version of the white gated communities in South Africa, hotbeds of fear and xenophobia. We really don’t need to encourage the Northern Coastal Suburbs types!

15 12 2010
hel

oh and Turnip, I do not think there are any trees from Karrinyup Road to Butler that are higher than about 150cm, don’t want them affecting the views n stuff ey??

Boguettes from Joondalup visited out house and questioned why my children did not have their own games room……… I told them we liked going to the Museum, these kids had never been, they were 9 and 13.

15 12 2010
Matthew of Mount Lawley

The north coastal strip of Perth is gross, mainly north of Marmion (Sorrento and north).
The people live in their own bubbles.
Street after street of houses which are remarkably similar, with no distinct local culture. Each weekend the families move en masse to the nearest Westfield shopping centre.

In the new and ‘exclusive’ Harbour Rise Estate in Hillary’s you will find a sea of colourbond roofs, all in the silver- beige spectrum. Where I have heard a number of residents actually say “I live in Harbour Rise”.
No you don’t, you live in LOL-GAZMIC Hillary’s.

16 12 2010
hel

Hillary’s is a world unto its self in terms of boganity. My son was once bounced off a tramp there at a kids party by a group of marauding bogan teens who were all clearly high on something and playing in the kids fun park. Their requisite thin, pointy faced femme bogues with tramp stamps on display sucking down winnie blues and trying to look cool. There is nothing cool about hanging out, off your head on drugs, in a kids playground, in the middle of summer. ARG! There are so many things wrong with that situation reliving it is making me so mad!!!! Hillary’s Boat Harbour, pfffft, anything that detached from culture and decent public transport should be bombed. AlyssaKT, maybe we can get that gun off your facebook friend and go postal out there?

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Only if we guarantee we’ll only shoot the noisy fuckers!

16 12 2010
hel

Fark yeah, blow them carnts right out they nests n shit, farking canny hear me Chisel ova em farking singin n shit

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

hahaha – who invented birds anyway – useless fucking creatures!

16 12 2010
hel

I’m going to Mt Lawley tonight to have dinner and bask in the collective unboganity. Way too many alternative musicians, gay men, book shops and arts students in Mt Lawley to attract the bogues. I may even purchase a book from Planet to cement the wonderousness of the evening. Or I could go to Hillary’s Marine, get smashed at Bar 101 (or whatever that sh*t club is called) and glass some c*nts

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I did notice the surprising dearth of dark, heat-absorbing roofs in the last section of Hillarys, so was at least grateful for that.

Still didn’t improve the tastefulness of the rest of the decor of the homes there, still edifices to maxtreme energy use and conspicuous consumption, looking dated and daggy in about fifteen years hence.

Maybe the culs-de-sac by then might turn into c-anals, to enjoy more waterfront living than they bargained for.

And Hel, yes, all those Beaufort Street establishments rock my socks…I might live at the wrong end of Route 53 in Morley, yet I can still walk into town within 90 minutes—but I agree, that sure beats the hell out of living in some shadeless Tuscanstrosity with a 602-or 603-something postcode, deep amongst the Aussie Swazi-adorned SUVs.

3 06 2014
the big red one

Your parents are the bogans. Bogans love anything exclusive.

3 06 2014
James Hunter

Bogans do not need parking spaces. They just park where they like usually partly across an exclusive driveway !!

15 12 2010
bigger person

Ipwich speaks for itself.
I also get offeneded by hysterics,
but thats neither here nor there now is it

16 12 2010
Chef

Hey, let’s get something straight here. There aren’t any Indian bashers in Melbourne. Those immigrants are just victims of random, opportunistic attacks according to our police commissioner and magistrates. The fact that 408 out of 409 bashing victims were all Indian is purely coincidental and that we shouldn’t conclude that Indians are being targetted. No, it’s all just random and opportunisitic.

16 12 2010
hel

The other guy was a Pakistani…… 😛

15 12 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I am, of course, “genius” level on any reputable IQ test. What else would you expect from someone who has a higher degree in the Classics?

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

a secretary
or P.A. or something?
you really shouldn’t be doing this yourself
really

16 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is the needle stuck on the record?

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Being able to quote Thucydides, Livy and Seneca? Yeah, I studied the Classics too. They’re actually quite boring, except Suetonius, Ovid and Josephus.

15 12 2010
Shirley

Thucydides is NOT boring!

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Dang, I must have got the boring bits. I’ll put him on my list of holiday reading.

15 12 2010
Shirley

There’s some fabulous characters in there. Alcibiades is my favourite.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

abcde is my favourite, oh hang that’s the name of a kid that a friend of a friend had. Sister to L-DA.

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

This is true: where I work we had a student called Thalia-Star and another called D’ne. Bogans should not breed.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Josephus is a (proto)Catholic Hack!

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Huh, there were no Catholics then! He did sell out to the Romans though.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah.
gammin.
but christians love to quote josephus as historical evidence of christ?
or was that another josephus?

I’m more of an Aristotle sorta guy.
“Ethics”
was gr8.
imo

15 12 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
Baha’i Faith is the only one which make any kind of sense at all.
To lead to world peace start by banning the pope and his hangers on then the mad mullahs of the extreem type and most of those god for profit usa neredowells.

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

True. But people will never get it together for world peace. Not while people are vicious and where nationalism and religious extremism exist.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

don’t know anything about Baha’i.
I don’t got no truck with religon.
redundant proto science and superstition.
I do like Tao and Zen philosophy.
and science.
Zen says “it is what it is because it is what it is. that is one thing we can be completely uncertain of.”
Science says “we are completely uncertain about everything we are certain we know and we become more uncertain of that the more we find out”

the hallmark of the seeker after truth is the holding of opinions and ideas lightly.

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

That’s what I live by. Question everything and take what is most beneficent of what I encounter.

16 12 2010
johnnydrama

Any belief in religion/faith/god (sic) is ignorant, ill informed and uninsightful. Any discussion or acceptance of alternative faith (because it’s cooler than others, or whatever) is wank. it’s like “oh I’m not just a vegetarian I’m a lacto-ovo or a vegan” pffft!!

16 12 2010
James Hunter

well well johnny dramaqueen,
firstly I dont subscribe to any of them but if comparing relative evilness of them all then comparisons are relavent . similarly if comparing either the usefullness to society at large orthe degree of disconnect with reason then comparisons are very useful.
I stand by my remark that the Baha’i Faith makes much more sense and has much more laudable ideals then any other religion.
I would sugest that you do a quick bit of comparative religion study and consult your navel fluff for advice on future comments.

16 12 2010
johnnydrama

Settle Jimmy petal 😉 I would prefer johhnydiva! I don’t care to undertake a supermarket snatch and grab style analysis of religion/faith. Now a religion that involves consulting naval fluff might actually have some more conclusive scientific merit than is historically, or currently on offer!

16 12 2010
johnnydrama

Settle Jimmy petal 😉 I would prefer johhnydiva!

I don’t care to undertake a supermarket snatch and grab style analysis of religion/faith. Now a religion that involves consulting naval fluff might actually have some more conclusive scientific merit than is historically, or currently on offer!

16 12 2010
johnnydrama

Ooooops.

3 06 2014
James Hunter

do The Liverbirds and Senna Pod count ??

17 12 2010
dystopeon

IQ doesn’t measure intelligence, only obedience & acquiescence. I’m sure you would score quite high 🙂

15 12 2010
Davo from sydney

You should see bogan kids at university… ‘but why do I have to read?’ ‘Why can’t I use wikipedia – it’s all there…’?

(sigh)

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Or when I was a Senior English teacher- “Why do we have to do English? I can already read, write and speak English!” Yeah, they were so crap at it. That distinguishes the bogan from the non bogan child- the concept that, hey, maybe I can learn something useful here and get somewhere…

15 12 2010
bec

I still *am* a Senior English teacher. The entitlement of the boguelets is remarkable. They’re the ones who insist that immigrants *must* speak English perfectly, without an accent, upon immediate arrival into the country, and yet they speak and write in their only language so poorly that I can barely read the work of some of my students when they start in my classes.

15 12 2010
SD

I normally wear Indian clothes so I have people speaking like real slow to me (but with a basic vocabulary of 10 words) and then I reply with lots of big words in a nice English accent and all and the slow spread of alarm across their faces is classic.

15 12 2010
hel

eh bro that makes you a bit racialist

15 12 2010
SD

pourquois?

15 12 2010
hel

It’s a quote. I just love “racialist”. I think if we said that enough Bogans would start to use it believing it to be a word of actual relevance.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

“the slow spread of alarm”

a nice choice of words.
The Bogan can’t comprehend that many “non whites” are native english speakers. Despite that fact that many irish or scottish accents are incomprehensible, a rich accent with dark skin and an obviously superior intellect might well be terrifying.

15 12 2010
Sandgroper-in-exile

That’s a Thing That Hate Groups on Facebook Do.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

is there a generation of teachers who have no idea what the hell they are teaching?

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Hopefully through my studies at Uni, as a future teacher, I can help to rectify this situation…my fellow students I can’t speak for; in some cases it’s going to be alright. In others, some still need to be taught before they start to teach…

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

It was my experience at Uni that the other students in Primary Education didn’t know much about spelling or maths or science – but they “love kids!” and think that’s all that matters… A lot of the best teachers leave the profession to other careers once they’re tired of hitting their heads against the proverbial (or literal) wall – for very little incentive and recognition…

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Yep, I was one of them. I lasted two years and burned out bigtime. The consolation about the dumb under grad ed students is that half of them won’t make the 4 years and will go on to work in retail.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Some of the smartest people I know in retail are working in retail.

16 12 2010
Chef

hey CBF, I agree that some of the smartest people are in retail. Just look at Gerry Harvey.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

ding!

16 12 2010
Liam

Are schools there to educate people? I thought that they existed to boost kids self-esteem.

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Apparently not. I tried to teach them and help them out.

17 12 2010
dystopeon

I agree, It’s mostly anglo women who perpetuate core racism in this cuntree 🙂

15 12 2010
p'bee

love it. and of course, while getting some answers right on the national iq test and millionaire hotseat proves the bogan is smart, anyone who corrects them on something/knows more than them is deemed a smartarse.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

If I had a dollar for every time someone had noted my intelligence, by stating, “Wow, you’re so intelligent! Have you ever considered going on to Sale Of The Century/Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?“, I’m sure I’d be a millionaire on that alone…OK, maybe not a millionaire, but certainly have at least somewhere in the vicinity of $7,429 extra to my name.

As for going on Millionaire, I’d go only to remind Eddie what a prat he is and then glass him. Nope, come to think of it, I wouldn’t bother at all, for not only would it be highly likely I’d end up cooling my heels at Her Majesty’s pleasure, they at Channel Eddie Nein would edit out all the highlights and send them instead to their nightly entertainment before A Current Affair that masquerades as news, bleating about the wrongs perpetrated against St. Eddie, whipping up self-righteous bogan indignation.

No. Not worth the hassle. I’ll just reply, as I usually do, that I’m not interested on going on TV.

15 12 2010
Shirley

I would have gone on ‘Sale’. Loved that show. I was pretty shit at the ‘who am I’ questions though, which were the ticket to big winnings.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I get a lot of that.
Bogans are very prone to mistaking a short attention span and proclivity for trvia as “intelligence”
the Hotseat thing is an insult.

“which one of these things is green?
a)blue,
b)purple
c)green
d)tony abbott
Thirty Seconds Madge.
Well I’m pretty sure Tony Abbott is a Liberal, Eddie. so I dont think it’s d)….”
ditto Shirley for $ale.

15 12 2010
Tombarina

A local moron who knows everything once boasted he’d “scored off the charts on the Menstral Test”.

True story. He really was too dumb to live.

15 12 2010
Shirley

My partner scores very badly on the Menstral Test, and never improves no matter how many times he is forced to take it. I wonder if it’s culturally biased?

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My wife also fails the menstrual test. She never knows when it is going to be held and can’t work out why this makes her grumpy for a few days.

15 12 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Tell her to take it when she can because it wont be all that many years and she wont be able to !!

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

or go on the pill and miss every 2nd..

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

i am writing this just so it doesn’t look like the next comment is suggesting simon shouldn’t breed.
ChubbyBloodfart.
Prettying up your Literature since 1995.
“I thoroughly endorse this Product or Service”

17 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chubby – Gentleman and scholar.

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Hopefully he won’t breed.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

You can only hope that he can be in the running for first prize in the Darwin Awards.

Tell them that, most likely they’ll think that it entails taking a Jetstar yobbo bus up North to sink some piss.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

…and catchin’ Barra!
eh.

19 12 2010
DP

Was it the reptilian part of the brain keeping him alive?

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Livanilla Nixon. V’visssexion likes this.

15 12 2010
MeAgain

Lavinia is such a horrible name. Sounds like a vaginal disease. OOOOOh my Lavinia is back again & it’s soooo itchy!

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I like to hear about their high EQ , which is more important than IQ.

15 12 2010
Tombarina

They demonstrate their EQ everytime they glass a kaaarnt.

In fact, interesting point you’ve touched on here – is lack any discernable EQ THE single defining underlying indicator of boganity? Discuss.

15 12 2010
bec

Yes. The rapacious consumption of high-end consumer goods and pre-packaged food is all there to fill an empty void.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

No, I think hair is an important indicator too.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

though lack discernable EQ probably is THE single defining indicator, so i change my mid. Yes

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I always thought it was wearing trainers with jeans.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I don’t care how much you paid for them.
If you’re not actually running – They Are Not A Fashion Choice.
…actually, just leave them on. it will make you easier to spot.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

sorry. I meant to say what is EQ?

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

A measure of Emotional Intelligence and your ability to coerce others into drinking the coolaid and join you on the mothership

15 12 2010
p'bee

and to see if you fit into the happy happy all the time ‘right’ way of thinking.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

is there an on-line test?
I’ll put it on my resume.

15 12 2010
Tombarina

Better do the short course first. So you’re, like, really good at it’n’$hit before you do the test.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Better make like Kieren and Samantha and get onto the Nintendo straight away…

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

sucks.
they should make it for XBox.
how am I supposed to get smarter now?
oh!
is it on Blu-Ray?
we have Blu-Ray.

15 12 2010
SD

And put the sprog on baby Einstein and have IQ Test Junior .

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I have a low EQ of about 85, which makes me a basstard.

My brain hertz!

(BTW, EQ can also mean equalisation of frequency, so the above was an in-joke for sound engineers and musos 😛 )

15 12 2010
p'bee

see, that is what a bogan would call being a smartarse.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

If I didn’t explain it, they’d probably believe me, correcting only the bit about being a basstard, saying, “no, you dumb cünt! It’s ‘bastard’; no wonder you got such a low EQ!”.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

If the bogan had a high EQ, it would emotionally manipulate the Caaarnt into glassing itself. It would be like a Stephen King novel

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Yes. Anyone with any iota of EQ does not feel compelled to swear at other motorists and clutch vainly at external things by which to define themselves- or is that self-actualisation?

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Ahh ROLF TBL, I see what you did there…

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Last I heard from a participant in the National IQ test was “It just said it was off the scale. 160+ or something.”

I’ve done IQ tests I’m sure, but never had a result.
but you know I am totally gonna go and get one right now!

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

done yet Chubby?

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

your go.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

122?
that’s bullsh!t mate!
where’s the bogan one?

15 12 2010
bec

Where did you do your test, Chubs? I wanna go!

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

http://www.free-iqtest.net/

it was the first hit on google

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I dud out on number sequences.
“what is the next number in this series?”
they never have a “Not A Fucking Clue” option.
Numbers get into my head and dance around and mock me.
really.
it’s like a numerical dyslexia

15 12 2010
Shirley

I did the test. 142 apparently. Think I’ll give mensa a call.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

well
yeah.
I just did it real quick but.

15 12 2010
bec

130. My real IQ is nowhere near that high so it has to be full of shit.

15 12 2010
Shirley

You’re just saying that because I’m smarter than you. 😉

15 12 2010
bec

Youse don’t know what your fucken talken about! It’s fucken FOOL of shit cos the one I took on me mobile phone sez I’m like 190!!!

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

116. I’m outraged. and borderline mentally retarded it appears.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

116 is 1.0667 standard deviations, so puts you in the top 14.3% of gullible prats Viv…

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Actually, given that i was practically raised by woolves, i think i may be the victim of a cultural bias. There wasn’t any questions about wolf things and the like.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

See I cant even spell wolves proper and i was raised by em.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

all wolves are crap at spelling V’v.
good with engines though…
apparently. if you get then young enough I suppose.

16 12 2010
Davo from sydney

The one given to me by a trained psychologist (which took 2 hours) said 158. The internet one said 113. …

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It’s catching the gay that done it V’v.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Admittedly, I could have been more careful…

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

130 is two standard deviations above the mean. Congrats Bec, you’re in the top 2.275% of geniuses (or gullible prats, you can decide)

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

If enough people do them, you will be able to give us an IQ data set for Regular Non Bogues and we can all rank ourselves.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

The equation is pretty simple.

Take the test, get your score. (e.g. I was 123)
Subtract 100 (mean) from your score (e.g. 123-100=23)
Divide your score by 15 (one standard deviation of a standard IQ test) to get your Z score (23/15=1.53)
The next step involves knowing the percentages for a normal distribution of Z scores, so just follow this link to calculate your score:

http://www.measuringusability.com/pcalcz.php

Remember to select “One Sided” and enter your Z Score. It will show a nice graph showing where you sit on the bell curve.

It’s that simple people!

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I’m top 6.3% if you were wondering…

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

la la la…
see those numbers dance!

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Prince is 123
and mine is 122,
why me baffled?

15 12 2010
p'bee

136. very short test, though.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I studied mathematical statistics this year at uni and it opened up my world to standard deviations and all that jazz. It’s quite interesting stuff once you get into it and the real world applications put things into context.

For example, you take Don Bradman’s batting average of 99.94 and place it in a normal distribution (i.e. bell curve) against all other averages in first class cricket. His score in that curve is 4.4 standard deviations above the mean (average), which means he’s in the top 0.0011% of total scores. Considering the next best batting average is Graeme Pollock at 60.97, this is a phenomenal score.

Compare it to a world sporting context, for others to emulate that score n their respective fields, a baseball batter would need a career batting average of .392, while a basketball player would need to score an average of 43.0 points per game. The respective records are .366 and 30.1.

If it were an IQ test, where the standard deviation is 15, his IQ score would be 166 (4.4 x 15 + 100 where 100 is the mean score).

So while the common Bogue can wax lyrical about Bradman being the best ever based on the fact that her was Australian, I can prove otherwise.

Chubster, I guess that IQ test participant was the next intellectual Bradman; they’ll be making commemorative coins of their likeness in no time.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I do remember doing stats & prob at high school and really digging it.
I think anyone will be able to have a coin in their likeness for any menial mediocrity soon enough anyway. everything is for sale.
bogans love a statistic.
some lotto goose was trying to tell me that each time his numbers didn’t come up it was increasing the probabilty that they would come up next week. it was obviously, apparently, inevitable that he would win. “people lose out because they don’t stick with it or they change their numbers” it seems.
when I tried to explain that, No, the odds are the same (80,000,000 to one or whatever) every time he thought I was a Moron.
“how come you can’t get this?”

(the same guy also told me that if you look at when the aliens seem to be appearing, it always seems to be at a pivotal moment in history (e.g. Atomic Bomb Tests), ergo they are “Space Tourists” (sic) and just fly by to check us out when there’s something interesting on.)

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Ahh yes Chubster. Trying to explain Mutual Exclusivity and Independent Events in the context of Lotto to the close-minded observer is like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone…

You’re best bet is to just keep the same set of numbers and play them every week. Even better is to just not spend the money buying a ticket and throw it in a high-interest term deposit account…or pay off your debts, or go out and study…

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I buy one system seven in saturday lotto each week and use non birthday numbers.
less than five bucks.
and on the off chance it does win, you share the money with less people.
and systems pay more. bogans also can’t comprehend this.
people tend to play with birthday numbers.
statistically.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

My father has played 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 for as long as i can remember. This is the man who repairs washing machines with picnic plates mind you.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Just as good as any other set of numbers Viv…statistically speaking of course!

13 01 2012
Meow

Actually, Statistically speaking, your better off choosing numbers above 31 because most people chose numbers below 31. chubbybloodfart had the right idea.

Although TheBattlersPrince had an even better idea.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I did buy a random ticket once which printed out my Mum’s lucky numbers.
and I won 26 packets of tobacco on the Lotto in gaol once. true story.
(I recieved a six month sentence for posession of 900grams of Marijuana in 1987. I was 20 years old. A lot of people must have slept easier in Townsville for those six months)

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

fiend.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I remember moving to NSW and people could not believe that we would hoik our bong out of the nearest window if there was unexpected knock on the door in QLD.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

it hasn’t changed much.
with due deference to present company I’m sure, we found queenslanders to be a pretty mollified bunch on the whole.
“if the crims don’t getcha, the cops will”

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

That’s what Barnett Rubble’s Wiberwal rabble are doing to WA’s cannabis laws in such a retrograde way.

Not that it’d make one iota of difference, except crowd even more the already overcrowded prisons in this state with small-time pedlars and users, of whom are really no business at all being in the slammer.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Sorry an addendum to my last post.

To put it in better context, the overall mean (average) for all Test batting averages is 25.61. When you compare that to Bradman’s 99.94, that’s just insane!

15 12 2010
Storbz

All IQ tests are good for, is demonstrating your proficiency (or lack thereof) at performing IQ tests.

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Exactly! And I am. Ha

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

(proficient)

It proves little else.

15 12 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

My younger brother is a very, very smart bogan. He didnt need university. Why would you need to write 1500 words in an essay? The worlds problems can be summed up into a sentence or two between bong hits. “Nah mate – women shouldnt be cops because they have physically smaller brains,” “Nah mate – Iraq is a problem because they dont speak Australian,” “Nah – you dont know mate – I didnt get the job because that supervisor was gay, not because I didnt wear a suit to the interview.”

15 12 2010
bec

Ah, the perpetual victim complex of the bogan. I’m yet to meet a non-bogan who has used the phrase “white middle-class straight men are the most oppressed group in society” without irony.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I hear that a lot!
it’s all part of the great conspiracy to infringe on the entitlement of people to be ignorant self interested pigs.
wtf do you think you’re missing out on?

15 12 2010
MeAgain

Fiona, you’re a moron.

15 12 2010
Shirley

I was at a wedding just after the National IQ test aired. My aunt and her partner had taken the test, she had done quite well, he had done quite poorly. As I discussed the problematic nature of standardised testing with them, he agreed IQ tests were no true measure of intelligence, while she argued that ‘they must be good for something otherwise why would they put them on TV?’

The prosecution rests.

15 12 2010
bec

From my understanding, a low IQ is a more reliable indicator than a high IQ in terms of determining life outcomes or success.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Providing you aren’t facing a cultural bias. As they say, how can a tribal person raised in round huts complete on the same terms as a person raised in square houses when it comes to testing spatial skills? In a western culturally biased IQ test they would come out with a lower score, not because they are any thicker, but because their life experiences has shaped their spatial concepts differently.

15 12 2010
Shirley

Very true. I completed various culturally specific IQ tests at uni, and the variation in scores was tremendous. The most commonly administered versions are created by white Americans for white Americans.

15 12 2010
Shirley

White American men, to be more precise.

15 12 2010
hel

I think most boagns would like to do the IQ test that was developed for the black Americans, seeing as they feel a connection to many of the aspects of their culture, however incongruously they actually fit in with the bogues dislike/distrust of anyone or anything not born here.

15 12 2010
Sybil Ince

So the maximum score possible was 6?

15 12 2010
SD

Though more often than not its Asians who top these tests.

15 12 2010
Shirley

True, but the idea of what is intelligence and the imagery and concepts used to measure this are generally western skewed in the most widely used tests. Westerners would likely perform badly on a test skewed towards asian culture, which I guess says something about the pervasiveness of western culture.

15 12 2010
SD

Can’t say about the cultural aspects but IQ tests are also quantitative in nature – and there is a huge emphasis on this in Asia which IMO is not due to the pervasiveness of western culture. The reason Asians do well on these tests (unfortunately used for spurious race theories) is due to cultural notions of education in the region.

I don’t take them as any indicator but psychometric tests like Mensa etc are a little more rigorous than the National IQ test and Who wants to be a Millionaire etc which are hokum. I guess TBL is talking about the latter.

Also note that if Asians do well bogans instantly whinge and insist that everyone be evaluated for sport 🙂

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

or penis size.

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Hey Chubs,

Tell Edna “Guntoxen” from me.

16 12 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

GUNTOXEN Simon!

Gold.

You rock Sir!

15 12 2010
SD

Not that I am endorsing IQ tests. Just pointing out that the cultural bias is not purely white.

There was also a recent piece on Shanghai topping Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) tests.

15 12 2010
Dgusten

I would have thought that by now the most commonly administered versions are created by the internet savy bogans for facebook loving bogans.

15 12 2010
bec

Very true. But by “more reliable” I mean to a degree which is the lowest statistical figure that anyone can actually measure and verify.

15 12 2010
Tombarina

Guilty!

*bangs gavel*

15 12 2010
Anon

I can’t help feeling a little disappointed that TBL brought up the bogan’s vaunted ‘real world’ knowledge without mentioning that it is invariably acquired at ‘the school of ‘ard knocks’.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

“The Rool World, I’m tellin’ ya! The fucken Rool World! Would’n ‘ave a fücken cloo, mayte!”

15 12 2010
martin

The bogan takes pride in it’s ‘street smarts’, a term which means lying, conniving, bitching, backstabbing, threats of maxxtreme violence, threats of completely stripping it’s enemies’ dignity, and generally having zero respect for anything or anyone.

15 12 2010
bec

Two nights ago I overhead my bogan neighbours brag about their elite street-smarts in being able to steal one of those commercial glass-fronted fridges from a local Chinese cafe.

Their street-smarts didn’t extend, sadly, to them realising how stupid it was to loudly brag about committing a crime within ten metres earshot of a criminal prosecutor. Such n00bs…

15 12 2010
martin

Did they get caught?

15 12 2010
bec

We are biding our time. Needless to say, given that the neighbours are extremely violent and loud (with an extended network of violent and loud bogan nephews) and we are only new to the neighbourhood we need to be slightly… er, diplomatic.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

You always have to tread on eggshells with these sorts, for their implied threats of violence are not worth the hassle of finding out whether or not they will follow through with them, which unfortunately sometimes they do.

15 12 2010
bec

Given that this household was involved in a stabbing incident nine months ago, I am very delicate with broaching any matters with them.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It’s even more difficult when it’s either members of your own family, or friends or significant others of your own friends. I find that I steer well away from those people who bridge those sorts and me, sometimes to my regret.

But I’m not prepared to have my sensibilities constantly trodden upon wilfully by those sorts of people; I kind of feel some sympathy to those who suffer these fools, as I too used to suffer them. However, now I have no emotional currency to waste upon such persons that are rapacious upon one’s spirit, so unfortunately those who allow themselves (or fell compelled) to host these parasites, I have drifted away from, as I had my own problems dealing with (and duly extricating myself away from) such types when I was not much younger, where now I don’t quite have the faculty sufficient to inure myself to them anymore…I quite enjoy not having threats, implicit or explicit, levelled at me anymore.

I may hope I become strong enough one day not to worry about them, but until then, I just walk well away from them. And sadly, some of those I do admire, of whom put up with these trolls, thugs and drunkos, I can only handle their mixed company for a short time.

15 12 2010
martin

Beautifully put Turnips. Same here. I hung around some bogans for a while, I thought that they were just temporarily stupid, immature, a result of bad parenting and would just grow up, but they never did, well into our mid-late 20s. I was very naive and stupid for thinking so, I figured because my parents hung around a few good ocker types that they would grow up, but the new age bogan is a whole other creature who seems to remain deranged for life. Now I am strictly a bogan free zone, I see any friendship or potential friendship with bogans as seriously dangerous and a serious waste of my life.

15 12 2010
Tombarina

*applauds*

BoT, your ethos is the very antithesis of Boganicus Rex – ie, self-awareness, dignity, compassion and a keen sense of personal responsibility.

Boganicus Rex, in contrast, is all about conspicuous self-importance and their precious “rights”.

I’m sporking the next ar$ehole who starts banging on about their #*^$ing rights, when they clearly have no corresponding sense of obligation, reciprocity or responsibility.

15 12 2010
hel

Martin I hear your pain. I was involved with a group of young Bogues due to a daliance with one of the members, so to speak, and I can honestly say that with each passing month I thought “OK not long now and they shall grow out of this idiocy” Alas I was greatly mistaken. I got sick of being told I had my head up my arse because I dared use words with more than four letters, knew what grammar was and had an open and tolerant view of migration. I remember watching in utter horror when I was shown some You Tube footage of a gang of drunken youths brawling and smashing cars in a street, only to be told, proudly of course, that this was their “crew”. One of them almost wet himself when he appeared in frame kicking in a car door……….. For the WA dwellers here, they were Carine Park Local or “CPL” (not to be confused with TBL) so for the rest of my days I shall carry the shame of having fornicated with a member of CPL. No Douche can remove that level of shame.

15 12 2010
p'bee

as soon as anyone talks about having a ‘crew’ the only smart thing to do is run a mile. i hope you learnt from your experience.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

the smartest thing i’ve heard all day.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

@}—

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I just follow my Dad’s advice:

“Stay away from idiots”

He repeats it ad infinitum, but I know it’s for a good reason…served me well so far…

15 12 2010
hel

would you believe I was under the misguided impression that he owned a boat?

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

no, nice try though Hel!

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

bravo.
I’m a pussy.
too polite.
I grin and bear too much just because I want to avoid confrontation.

16 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

It’s also horrendous to be living in share housing, and have some apeling move in and throw his weight around. Not long ago, someone had just moved in. I went out for the day, and when I got back, the TV set was blasting out on some music channel, audible from across the street before I even got back! So I asked him politely (but in a raised voice, purely in order to be heard above the din from the TV speakers) to turn it down. He grunted and (obviously reluctantly, as I was soon to realise) turned the volume down to a reasonable level.

So I go into my room, thinking everything’s cool, when he calls out “Hey… you… come out here!” Orders me to stand right in front of him in the living room, and harangues me in an intimidating manner (“Ya got some sorta problem or somethin’?” etc).

A number of times after that, I have to put up with him playing the TV up loud for hours on end, spewing out gangsta rap or other macho-posturing degenerate filth. Not only that, but he was constantly verbally abusive to his girlfriend (both in the flesh and from his mobile). And when he first arrived, everyone else in the house had a get-together downstairs, and I joined in merely to avoid appearing “anti-social”. But a few times he commented on how fast I was going in and out of my room; as if it was any of his business. My response was that I was in a hurry to catch a bus (true, as they’re not very frequent in this area, a typical outer suburb). Of course, what I didn’t dare tell him was that I couldn’t stand that racket from the idiot box (that made it literally impossible to think).

Thankfully, a middle-age female housemate from downstairs eventually gave him a good talking to because of the way he’d been loudly verbally abusing his girlfriend. She then rushed into my room and said she didn’t think I was safe with him in the house. So I lay low downstairs for most of the day, and was quite relieved when he voluntarily scarpered that week. It really is a traumatic experience, having what is supposed to be HOME turned into Cell Block H, for all intents and purposes.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

why is it you have no choice in the matter regarding living with this buffoon?

16 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

Well, my landlord lives in another area, and has the say in who moves here. Htnakfully, there are now two pretty good people living on the same floor as me. My landlord had a friend of hers, who’s worked in real estate, vet potential tenants. That’s worked really well, it seems.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Can you and the other residents not say “unless he goes we go”?

Failing that, I’d move.

16 12 2010
James Hunter

you could try tripping the earth leakage in his meterbox if you can get to it. best done late at night so his alarm wont go off in the morning .after about 3 or 4 times he will go nuts trying to find out what he owns that is tripping the power.other thing that is cruel to be kind is to unscrew an inspection point on his sewer pipe and stuff it full of plastic bags .only possible in older places where the plumbing is all nailed to the outside walls but it works.may have to do it three times ,but hey what the?For desparate situations let the air out of two tyres on his car if there is access. again two or three times should work.

For realy stubborn cases please consult me privately !! Or Simon, he could sort it.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

It’s a share house – with shared power and shared bathroom – presumably…

16 12 2010
James Hunter

Oh well only way to go is the car. maximum event is , get a can of instant gap filler spray foam from the hardware store and about 800/900 mm of garden hose. insert hose up exhaust pipe insert nozzel in hose and give it about 10 seconds.. remove hose and dispose of with the canwell away from the scene of the event.
foam sets car wont start and it is a tow away job.

15 12 2010
hel

I have deactivated my facebook account in the past week because I am sick of the fluff and crap going on around me, now I fear I must reactivate in order to spread word of this post to all the pseudo intellectual bogans I know. Hilarious.

15 12 2010
James Hunter

asside from fiona and myself did anyone else get more then 100 ?

15 12 2010
SD

Almost everyone.

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

I am proud to say of my sister-in-law, that although she was raised by Bogan parents, she broke free of boganity at a young age and is is a happy, well adjusted young lady with good taste who contributes a lot to society and my family. That is true intelligence in my eyes- to free oneself from the shackles of generations of bogandom and take a step into the unknown.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It’s hard. And not without a great deal of personal cost.

But it can be done and I am living proof of this, even as a work in progress.

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Well done and keep up the good work!

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I really did stand to be a candidate to become a bogan—more likely the CUB or NaB type, being from a middle-class blue-collar provenance—given that, plus a lack of intellectual background (where did I land that, I know not where!) and contending with mental health issues, I feel that I could well have ended up worse (and far worse) than where I am today. It’s not quite where I’d like to be, well yet anyway, but it is because of this self-awareness and desire to rise above that has prevented me from turning into just another apathetic, selfish and ignorant yob, be it either as a CUB tradie, NaB property spiv or a methed-out thug.

So thanks, GCer! I might be somewhat of a fück-up, but thank goodness I’m no bogan.

20 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

My best mate sounds similar to your sister in law, GC.

His dad is a typical Shire OSB, his mum is more of a NAB and had we never become friends, he would definitely have become bogan scum.

While he does occasionally fall into bogan traps (knocking up his 17 year old girlfriend at 19, Southern Cross tattoo, typical bogan language a lot of the time but I fall into the same trap often) he does it all with a degree of self-awareness that no true bogan posesses, and he’s also far more broad minded than any true NAB (although he’ll never let me cook curry for him again – let’s just say he prefers my mum’s).

15 12 2010
Venetian blind suntan

“generally having zero respect for anything or anyone” – a badge of honour amongst bogans and also translates into boganspeak as “I don’t give a f*ck”. This broad little statement is proudly (and loudly) verbalised by bogans at opportune moments particularly when needing to impress small children and gullible teens, justify social indescretions or prove to themselves that they are ok – but it is everyone else that isn’t. Apparently peppering one’s statements with ‘i don’t give a f*ck” is like an ‘access all areas’ card and a ‘get out of jail free’ card rolled into one. It is also useful for easy bogan identification. A possible TBL category of its own.

15 12 2010
jaydyn

I believe there’s a facebook group for all these people

DILLIGAF [Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck] – always interesting to see your FB friends members of these groups. They’re also members of
“youse flew ere, i grew here, stop getting my taxes and speak strayan ya karnts”

15 12 2010
RobertL

I saw a book called “DILLIGAF”

15 12 2010
RobertL

Sorry, I borked that. I meant to say that I saw a book called “DILLIGAF” the other day – in a book shop. Apparently it is the latest by Rodney Rude…

18 12 2010
Davo from sydney

Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson… Rodney Rude has retired…

How do I know this stuff?

19 12 2010
brad

no he hasnt i saw him at “The York” in Lilydale just the other week.

20 12 2010
Davo from sydney

Oh, ok. Corrected.

20 12 2010
brad

understandable mistake,after all you are from Sydney.

15 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Yet they want, natch demand, respect.

the desire to be “respected” has an inverse relationship to the ability to confer others respect with the bogan.

15 12 2010
p'bee

everyone else must earn respect, but the bogan demands it no matter what.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

thats because of the way they are raised
“Respect your elders!”
“Why?”,
“Because”.

So Bogueling grows up and expects to be respected, why?, because he grew up.

15 12 2010
bec

See, that would have meant something back when attaining old age was a sign of achievement – to have done so meant some sort of skill or merit in the face of a dangerous job or rampant plagues.

Now that there’s worldwide vaccination, safer workplaces and a startling shortage of land-based predators, any old dickhead can make it to a ripe age without having anything that resembles life experience or hardship.

Fuck respecting the elderly because they’re older than me.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

True, once upon a time as soon as you had gotten too tall to go down a coal mine or up a chimney, you were considered mature. Now the biggest risk they face is butter popcorn lung ( http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/06/health/main3239379.shtml) and their own driving.

15 12 2010
p'bee

the scary thing is reading the top comment, saying that two bags of popcorn is ‘only’ five servings (american serving sizes are huge, after all) and that therefore this could happen to anyone.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I remember reading an article about another hefferlump who caught butter popcorn lung – so it could happen to anyone! (who eats 5 servings plus of chemically flavoured butter popcorn a day).
I’m contacting ACA. The gummint should be doing somethink

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

we totally need more land based predators.

16 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

Another classic is “I dun nuffin’ wrong, ay?”

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Coffee eh?
“If You’re not shaking yet, You need another cup!”

15 12 2010
bec

P’raps someone can handle this one for me.

What is with the bogan’s tendency to use “elite” as a sneer? It’s never used for people who actually earn squillions or who come from Fiona’s particular class of noblesse. Why is it that people who are university educated, or who don’t listen to loud music, or who for whatever reason don’t have the sort of brain injury that would excuse using “gay” as a pejorative, are called elite?

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Maybe they think the word is another perjorative? Or synonymous with “gay”? Usually they say such people have their ‘heads stuck up their a***s”.

15 12 2010
Shirley

I got called elitist the other day by a lawyer because I said that it was a travesty that Warnie had his own show, and I was sick of everything being sold to the lowest common denominator. In this sense, elitist was used as a synonym for arrogant. That’s ok though, I am arrogant, and happy to believe that I am better than the lowest common denominator.

15 12 2010
GoldCoaster

So if you don’t go in for the bread and circuses you’re arrogant. Anyone who does not think the media is great and sees it for the sensationalist cheap rubbish that it is must be arrogant. Well, call me arrogant!

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I f*cking hope I’m better than the vast majority. If not I’ve been working on my superiority complex for nothing.

I am not arrogant, I just have a good sense of the worthlessness of others.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Simon- Semen Detective Shirley Mullet in the Mysterious and Brief Case of Dry Crackers is ready. enjoy

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cool V’v. I am looking forward to it. Today is jammed but tomorrow I will peruse.

20 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

“I am not arrogant, I just have a good sense of the worthlessness of others.”

I want to get this tattooed on me. Very bogan, I know, but it sums up my worldview perfectly.

15 12 2010
p'bee

in that situation, being an elitist is a badge of honour.

15 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I was called a snob a couple of weeks back by the checkout chick in my local IGA – I can’t get enough of her. She is Italian, mid 30’s has big 80’s Italian hair, way too much eyeliner and is hilarious. She hollered out across the supermarket “Hey Snob” because I didn’t say hello to her when I entered the store. I normally do say hello, but didn’t see her that day. If she sees me walking my dog, she beeps the horn and the young casual employees that she drives about all hang out the window waving. I wont shop anywhere else. She kills me.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I was once called a middle class mongrel by some crazy old man when I was working in a pie shop back in my teens…

This old guy comes into the shop and asks for 6 meat pies. So I went out the back to grab a box to put them in and then started to pack the pies in. Suddenly he stops me and goes “What are you doing? I haven’t told you what i want”. Slightly puzzled, i responded that he had ordered six meat pies. Then he said “Well, i want three plain and three curry pies”…it then made sense to me and the message was lost in translation, so i apologised and proceeded with the order.
Once i had done, he grabbed my attention once again and proceeded to berate me, questioning my intellectual capacity to understand the order.

He continued with assuming i was the son of the owner on the basis that I would only be able to work here via that premise and that if HE had a business, he wouldn’t employ me because of my supposed inability to extrapolate the meaning from his words.

The classic quote was that he labelled me a “middle class mongrel”, probably because i was looking quite casual, as one of my workmates pointed out to me later that day; the jeans and sleeveless jumper probably gave that impression. I had destroyed a set of work pants earlier in the week from bending over to pick up a milk carton, so had to resort to jeans. As for the sleeveless jumper…it was a phase…

16 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

That lawyer didn’t live in Albion, did they? Whilst living there in the middle of last decade, there was a bogan couple next door who were constantly F-ing and blinding at each other at full volume. Imagine my shock when the owner of the house where I was living says they’re both lawyers! Maybe they took pride in appearing “real” and “human” to the pond-scum they tended to represent in court?

15 12 2010
urbanreverie

When it comes to using “elite” as a pejorative, I believe bogans take their cue from their favourite News Ltd columnists such as Piers Akerman, Andrew Bolt and (for the more literate right-wing bogue) Janet Albrechtsen.

In the modus operandi of these luminaries of rational debate and respect for divergent views, anybody who is smarter than an earthworm, has aesthetic tastes more highbrow than a toenail, who has a social conscience or who even dares to question the conservative, suffocating suburban orthodoxy prevailing in this country is labelled an “elite”.

Bogans read their columns or watch their hysterical screeching on Q&A (that’s if they even watch ABC1 at all) and, lacking all ability to engage in original thought, parrot the insults emanating from these teeth-gnashing Murdoch shills. Hence why bogans use “elite” as an insult.

It’s quite an effective insult too; it taps into Australia’s rapidly-becoming-dormant tradition of egalitarianism and historic class emnities. The fact that many so-called “elites” are on quite limited incomes compared to many blue-collar bogans and the News Ltd columnists is irrelevant, it’s still effective and forces the recipient of the insult to prove that they are indeed not elite.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

absolutely everyone thinks I’m a feral.

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I was tested years ago for a job. Took about 1 hour and my score was in the 130’s somewhere. Can’t remember the exact number now. That’s ok isn’t it? Puts above bogue level I hope.

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

2 Standard Deviations above the mean Simon, which means it puts you in the top 2.275% of your test…

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m going for a retest. I should be in the top 1%, at least.

15 12 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Over the years I have done three IQ tests (ones where I was able to obtain the score) and they were 137,142 and 139. which must put me above bogan level.
Unfortunately it never translated into income
Maybe because I often worked for bogans with IQ’s about the same as their hat size. ! Still they had the mone so being a boge must do something.
Beats me so I realy cant be all that smart !

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

roger that.
I must be smarter than shirley.

15 12 2010
Shirley

I guess it’s possible. I don’t even know what the Dow Jones is.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

is it part of a boat or something?
sounds nautical…

15 12 2010
Shirley

Could be. I’m not terribly knowledgable on boats either.

15 12 2010
Phil

This whole IQ – EQ thing shites me. I worked in human resources development some years ago when EQ became all the rage. So, I asked “If IQ is short for Intelligence Quotient, why does EQ stand for Emotional Intelligence? Wouldn’t that be EI?” Of course, but then it wouldn’t sound like IQ would it? The people who used to prattle and trade in this crap would look at me like “Hand me a glass!”

15 12 2010
Sybil Ince

Well I reckon the TBL authors are, like, totally dumb and shit for missing the perfect opportunity to use the phrase “University of Life”.

15 12 2010
Anon

On a totally unrelated note, I guess we’ll now be seeing scenes of bogan jubilation now that a ‘bucha farking for’n’er refo kaaaarnts’ have drowned off Christmas Island. ‘Serves ’em right, mayte, we should be torpedoin’ those karnts anyway, scare the buggers off’ etc.

If you had to guess, what percentage of the population do you think are bogan?

15 12 2010
p'bee

the comments on fairfax – before they shut them down and deleted most of them – were pretty bad, i don’t even want to know what hun and terror readers are writing.

15 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

90%

15 12 2010
Shirley

I did the maths on this a little while ago and I think I came up with 78%

15 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Definitely not represented on a normal distribution bell curve, I can tell you that much!

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Depends on the level of boganity needed to become officially “bogan”. I think we all have a touch of bogan, it’s just whether that becomes us or not…

The percentage of racist bogans would have to be 85%, in my opinion.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

most?

15 12 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT
“it’s just whether that become us or not..”
lets keep “us” out of this and make it “becomes them or not”
!

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

well if anything I think I’m becoming LESS bogan… but you never know with some people… 😉

15 12 2010
James Hunter

AKT,You are too self aware to be much of a boge

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Ah, but now and then I have flashbacks of my younger self. Although always self-aware, I was unaware of some behaviours that would definitely bogify me. Luckily I’ve always had individual taste – so at least that saved me from the majority of bogan crimes.

15 12 2010
SD

My musical tastes are hopelessly twee and cringe making but wow this list of top ten looks pretty bad to me.

Jet, Adam Lambert, Muse, Powderfinger, John Mayer…….

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/the-most-played-song-on-australian-radio-is-20101215-18xqh.html

15 12 2010
Shirley

I don’t know a single song on that list, therefore I win. What’s my prize?

15 12 2010
SD

The knowledge that IQ is inversely proportional to knowledge of these songs.

Contragulations your IQ is now 180!

15 12 2010
Shirley

Woohoo!

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Facebook!

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

that must bring me up to about one forty odd!
yay!

15 12 2010
p'bee

saw that. i didn’t even know jet still existed.

15 12 2010
JimC

The bogan is a mathematical genius.

It can tell you how many litres of Bundy and Coke it can consume before some cunt gets glassed.

15 12 2010
Mick

I need a ruling. I did sit down and attempt the tv IQ test with a ladyfriend. And a few Boag stubbies. Pretty soon I had more interest in the beer than in Eddie and his stupid questions. I’m fairly certain that I missed quite a few yet still scored 128 while I was smashed out of my skull.

Does this make me a superbogan? Being hopelessly drunk and the smartest man around must…oh wait…

15 12 2010
Shirley

OMG I can’t believe when we were talking about books that I didn’t mention Catch 22. I LOVE Catch 22.

15 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I haven’t read it.
I want to see the film first.

15 12 2010
Shirley

Don’t. Just don’t. The film portrays the awfulness of the book really well, but fails on the comedy. If you see the film first you may not want to read it.

15 12 2010
Shirley

Is it a popular penguin? If not, it ruddy well should be.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I think it is.
might see if I can find it today.
it used to be one of those books you’d always find in second hand shops.
I was joking about the movie.
https://thingsboganslike.com/2009/10/22/7-books-%E2%80%93-but-only-after-the-movie-comes-out/

16 12 2010
Shirley

Yeah, I realised after I replied. Too much wine, you see.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

that’s why I only drink wine in the mornings.

16 12 2010
Shirley

I thought the mornings were for smoking doobies.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah.
you got me on that one.
I was trying to be funny.

(that’s funny. I missed your comment ‘cos I went out for a doobie. it’s like you’re psychic man.)

16 12 2010
Shirley

Not psychic, just in tune.

15 12 2010
AlyssaKT

I thought he was joking about that?

15 12 2010
p'bee

how could i forget such a brilliant book? the first passage about major major major is one of the funniest things ever written.

15 12 2010
Shirley

How cool is Orr? So cool.

I considered calling my son Yossarian, but my beloved would have none of it.

15 12 2010
SD

Pity about his other books though, Good as Gold was virtually unreadable.

Its OK we will refer to the offspring as Yossarian. Its totes and emphatically non bogan.

15 12 2010
Shirley

I haven’t read Good as Gold. I like his short stories. Catch 22 is a hell of a book to live up to though. He really set the standard high for himself. Still, if I did anything in my life that was a quarter as good as Catch 22 I’d be superchuffed.

My offspring ultimately got a cooler name than Yossarian so it’s all good. I still have the name earmarked for next time.

15 12 2010
Shirley

To Kill a Mockingbird!

15 12 2010
SD

True that.

Not a huge fan of Mockingbird but yes I see what you mean!

Just remembered A Good Man is Hard to Find.

15 12 2010
SD

And also Carson McCullers for more Southern Gothic!

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

and Pete Dexter’s “Paris Trout”
poor Rosie Sayers.
(dennis hopper in a great film too)

15 12 2010
p'bee

not a huge fan of to kill a mockingbird? that’s close to heresy, in my opinion.

16 12 2010
Pendant

I can get my heavy handed moralising from the TV, thank you very much

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

shouldn’t you be in bed?

16 12 2010
Pendant

Posting from +1GMT. As it happens I’ve got to wait for Mrs. Pendant to be ready to be picked up from the pub

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

aaah…

16 12 2010
Shirley

I agree p’bee.

16 12 2010
SD

Heresy is a good thing at times!

16 12 2010
Phil

Yes, Catch 22 is a great book, I thought that “Something Happened” was pretty good too.

16 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I tried to read God Knows by Heller, he should have called it God Awful. It sucked big time.

A famous quote from him when an interviewer said that he had not written anything as good as Catch 22 subsequently he responded “Who has?”

15 12 2010
James Hunter

chubbyand shirl,, catch 22 was a popular penguin (well ,paper back anyway)while I was at high school !Mind you the film was awesome for its time and still I think holds up well.
Mind you as someone who the like of Wilde, John Wyndham, and George Orwell
I suppose im a natural to love the way this work take the micky. It is so cool.

19 12 2010
brad

We read Chrysalids in yr 8 and i remember having already read it when i was 11,Dad was a fan of the old penguin paperbacks and Wyndham always figured in his constantly shifting mobile libary,I recall being on edge for a week after reading Triffods as a youngster,his writing had a way of tapping into just below the surface fears.

16 12 2010
Pipergirl

In honour of Jacki Weaver’s amazing success playing one in ‘Animal Kingdom’ (boring poncy intellectual stuff but at least there’s some Underbelly-style killing), we should celebrate the Bagan – or Aged Bogan. They’re older, the tats are wider and lower, but they’re still out there in force with the wisdom that comes when you’ve been a grandparent since your early 30s.

They’ll happily use their hard-earned pokie money to bail Shane out of yet another drink driving offence and let age be no barrier to sinking the VB and wearing stuff that’s just a bit too short and tight.

(In fact, the Bagan is pretty hard to pin an age on – you can’t go by teeth or skin tone or whether they know what words to scream during ‘Am I ever going to see your face again?’ That is the true mystery of the Bagan.)

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

…I even had one share some pot with me in Mt Isa. true. the guy was nearly 70 and he pulled out a tin of grass at evening drinkies in a Van Park.
90% of those who would call themselves Grey Nomads would be your Bagans.
Ignorant. Entitled. Xenophobic. Opinionated. Cashed Up. Drunk.
Travelling in great packs of three to seven, they will roll into the beautiful little bush glade you found off the main road, spend an hour moving their caravans and fourbies back and forth until they’re “just so”, fold out the chairs, charge their drinks, fire up the generator, and bellow at each other about where they’ve been, what they’ve got and How Much It Cost. Later on they will turn up anything from Vera Lynn to Bon Jovi and The Greatest Hits of The Seventies and The Eighties (3cd) and laugh their bitter, nasty, skinny laugh.
Oblivious.

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Instead of “bagan”, what about this for a neologism for that type of bogan: “fogan”, a portmanteau of “fogey” and “bogan”?

18 12 2010
Pipergirl

I like the “fogan” – as opposed to a “fauxgan”, someone “boging” it up in order to fit in and not get glassed. Some fauxgans are quite good, until you discover they don’t have any tattoos on their calves.

24 12 2010
XXX

I must admit to doing it, but I was a complete failure. I was private school educated (girls school) from Prep to Year 12 and married a man who is bogan through and through. His entire family and in-laws are the biggest bogans you will ever meet. I had to behave bogan to fit in and it just became exhausting and it really didn’t work. It’s hard to be that stupid! I just look forward to the times when I can be with my own family and have a decent conversation.

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

we note with interest Baby Jesus has passed judgement on South East Queensland overnight.
Balls of Judgement “the size of cricket balls” at logan.
hope youse are all OK.

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Did you laugh when they renamed Woodridge Logan Central? Like Logan’s name is any better…

16 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

Not quite. The suburb of Woodridge still exists, but part of it became Logan Central in the ’80s or ’90s. Still, if I’m ever on a train to/from the Gold Coast, it’s always good to know the train won’t stop there.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

There’s a joke a comedian tells; “A cop pulled me over the other day speeding through Woodridge – he asked me if there was any reason I was speeding. I said, are you kidding, we’re in Woodridge: I’m trying to get the fuck out of here as fast as I can!”

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Also, it’s funny that “they” tried to make Logan part of the Gold Coast for a while and there is still a sign on an overpass on the M1 saying “Welcome to the Gold Coast” much too far north, then another 50m after saying “Gold Coast 34km” (or something) – haha

16 12 2010
James Hunter

just shows how smart Qlders are. They have invented time travel !

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Now now, JH, no need to be a smart-arse. Just because you have daylight saving and are in the future already! haha

16 12 2010
James Hunter

must play havoc with the female commuters that have to cross the boarder. Immagine, make up on make up of or was it make up on make up on ?

17 12 2010
johnnydrama

@ alyssaKT clever repartee 🙂

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

That sign has been gone for a while now, thank goodness. It bugs me when they refer to Schappelle Corby as a Gold Coaster when she comes from EAGLEBY, one of the State’s biggest bogan colonies and NOT part of the Coast, and never has been. It’s closer to Brisbane, but she went to GC Institute of TAFE.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

“she went to GC Institute of TAFE” for about ten minutes before she got arrested in Bali – and yet everyone insisted on calling her a “Gold Coast Beautician / Beauty Therapist” (despite not being qualified as anything of the sort).

16 12 2010
James Hunter

A tafe at the GC ? OMG surely that would lower the tone of the place? all those would be tradies, chefs and future hair knotters/ nail grinders. Surely they should be bussed somewhere appropriate ? Like Macksville

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

lower the tone?

the TAFEs largely exist to teach English, allowing maxxxtreme foreign visitor visas.

And GC TAFE is conveniently located in Southport, near Centrelinkand one of Australia’s worst hospitals.

16 12 2010
James Hunter

well we have THE worst Australian hospital …Maitland Hospital. Even the staff would rather go to the 24/7 vetrinarey clinic which is loads faster and the staff are used to patients that can not tell them what is wrong !
Only down side is they stick a thermometer up your bum at the start of your visit.

16 12 2010
AlyssaKT

A lot of Veterinary students drop out and become (human) Medical Doctors.

16 12 2010
JimC

I worked at Maitland Hospital for several years.

In that time I met some really wonderful, professional staff members across the clinical and non-clinical areas.

I also met a whole lot of lazy fuckwits who, for me, clearly defined the popular term ‘public service mentality’.

There’s good people there. And they’re easy to spot. As are the miserable bludgers.

16 12 2010
James Hunter

JimC
A large part of the problem is the bullshit from Admin that the frontline troops have to deal with . That and unsupervised trainee doctors that think they know everything. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

17 12 2010
GoldCoaster

I work at GCIT and we’ve been consistently voted among the top RTOs in Australia. We have the highest TAFE audit pass rate in the state, and while private RTOs are going under we are doing better than any other RTO in the state due to the excellent staff and management. Sure, we get some bogan students, but we also get a lot of internationals and ex-bogans who want to become productive members of society. We also excel in creative industries and produce many musicians and graphic designers who go on to great things.

Don’t diss it, it’s the best place I’ve ever worked and we are an instrumental part of De-boganising Australia.

17 12 2010
James Hunter

com Goldcoaster, turning out zillions of nail grinders and hair loppers and spray tan squirters is hardly something that approaches education ?

17 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Don’t forget creative writing courses that enable people to believe they are ready for publishing – or photography courses so that they can create a Facebook fan page!

17 12 2010
AlyssaKT

(because Harvey Norman “gave” them a camera 48 months interest free – and they are now totally professional and shit)

17 12 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT,
Dont you just hate that. I do, as someone who has had a 35mm since late 1950s and an SLR since very early 1970s and has done numerous balls for Apex and for ALP and weddings ect I realy listen with rapt attention to boge explaining the maxtreem virtues of their fully automatic subcompact piece of crap,or those explaining that you dont need a camera as their phone has a 10mp camera that does it all !!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

17 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Not to mention no concept of colour, tonal range, composition, depth-of-field, lighting and shading or appropriate focal length.

As for judging for which film would be appropriate (mono, colour neg or colour trannie) and printing (or projecting) a successful image from it, well, um, what’s fillum?

It seems to coincide that the bogan’s ascendancy to becoming a “pro photographer” is parallel to the rise of digital cameras and easy image manipulation software…gone are the days when you had to invest heavily both in money and time acquiring the craft to the extent to make a living from it. Digital has democratised many artistic endeavours, which in itself is a double-edged sword, both allowing many access to good quality economically, but increasing the pool of competitors vying for business, many of whom aren’t much chop, against those with the technical skill but no marketing nous.

When digital arrived over a decade ago, I saw the writing on the wall. But when, a mere few years later, it got to the point of people calling themselves “photographers” with EOS 300Ds and “graphic artists” using Arial and Comic Sans and eking a living from that, I knew it was time to flee.

16 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

So since (Bloody Yank) Mark Zuckerberg won TIME Magazine Person of the Year, will Bogans be up in arms that (Aussie) Julian Assange didn’t get it, even though he looks “shifty”?

Will “national pride” kick in to support the underdog Assange or will discretion be taken because The Ranga’s (PM) knee-jerk denouncement of his actions have influenced Bogan opinion?

Thoughts?

16 12 2010
Shirley

Bogans don’t care who TIME’s Person of the Year is. Neither do I. Does anybody?

16 12 2010
SD

No.

I don’t care about the Globes or Oscars either.

16 12 2010
Venetian blind suntan

didn’t adolf hitler get TIME person of the year in 1938? and didn’t sandra bullock get the best actress oscar in 2010? and didn’t Qatar get the FIFA world cup for 2022? why would anyone put any stock in those ‘organisations’?

16 12 2010
p'bee

to be fair, the awarding to zuckerberg is ridiculous as he and facebook haven’t done anything special this year.
not sure how the bogan will react – on the one hand, it likes facebook, on the other, assange is australian. competing interests.

16 12 2010
Pendant

Same winner as 2006 really (it was ‘You’)

16 12 2010
GoldCoaster

That was a cop-out.

16 12 2010
p'bee

but we’re all winners!

16 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

yay yay yaaaay!

16 12 2010
p'bee

your super special ‘i’m a winner!’ badge is in the mail, chubby.

21 12 2010
dystopeon

assangel leads to wikileaks…. yeah the whole wikileaks things is complete bs, you have to be bogan to believe such mainstream tripe.

16 12 2010
p'bee

and while the bogan might like to say they are smart they definitely don’t know and wouldn’t watch sleek geeks.

19 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Dr Karl gets a seat at the Fantasy Dinner Party

16 12 2010
SD

Jazzling Alert!

http://tajazzle.com/

17 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The baby Jesus will get them for that.

21 12 2010
Lord Charos

Too true… I weep for our futures.

4 02 2011
pjc

Heard the word “unindated” uttered by journos and victims after qld floods.

8 12 2011
yeah

Intellect =/= intelligence.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: