Friday Bachelor of Bogan (BBo)

10 12 2010

It’s Friday. And the formidable frontal-lobe dominator that is the Bachelor of Bogan is back. The week has been surprisingly devoid of mind-boggling acts of boganity, with the media instead preferring to indulge itself with nonsense such as the issues surrounding Freedom of Press, international law and political accountability. And of course, Oprah. Please observe:

The bogan supports Julian Assange because:

The bogan is foolishly excited about Oprah’s visit to Australia because:

The bogan believes which journalist to be more deserving of the Gold Walkley than Laurie Oakes:

The bogan is under the mistaken impression that low-carbohydrate beer:


Actions

Information

92 responses

10 12 2010
MeAgain

Why do all the Americans worship the big fat thing that is Oprah? Anybody would think she was God… well I’m sure she thinks she is.

10 12 2010
chris

Why do bogues worship the big fat thing that is Laurie Oaks? Just sayin, is all. 😀

10 12 2010
MeAgain

Haha. Why do bogans worship that big, fat, head like a busted arse Bert Newton?

10 12 2010
chris

I just don’t get the guy, that’s all. He’s obviously a competent and experienced journo, kudos to him, but the way Ch. Nein try and make him out to be some deity is beyond me.
Guess they need someone to boost their cred as a current affairs station, which imho is all but nonexistent.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chris,

You managed to get Nein and credability into the same reply. Good work to use such disparate elements together

10 12 2010
chris

Yeah, I know. I feel dirty. I’ve scrubbed my hands, but the dirt’s not coming off.

11 12 2010
chris

Whoops… *Oakes* Mea culpa

10 12 2010
Brimstone

love the herd of anti-Americanism in the wake of Oprah coming out here. i don’t watch her show but she’s massivly influential and apparently helps out her audience. plus she made it big from a horrible background
so you’ve got Tall Poppy Syndrome and anti-Americanism in one hateful stew

10 12 2010
SD

Brimstone, you are mistaken – its not her Americanism but her mediocrity.

I am sure folks here have expressed their admiration for plenty of Americans – hell this culture is soaked in American pop culture.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nailed it SD. Americanism has nothing to do with it. Just how something so damn ordinary can become so popular. Sure she loves giving stuff away but don’t think for one minute Oprah is writing out cheques herself.

10 12 2010
SD

That slipped my mind. Given Australian tax payers are funding this jaunt they should at least be allowed to gripe!

Also saw a pic of Ms Orpah wearing a blindingly yellow Gold Coast top and a bemused anti-American koala with claws out 🙂

10 12 2010
p'bee

if she wasn’t closing half of sydney to film her show and whoring out the harbour bridge with her corporate logo i wouldn’t care in the slightest. the offensive thing about is we are treating her as some kind of superior life-form. i’m more than happy for her to film shows and bring her audience and promote australia, i just think the amount of disruption being caused in sydney next tuesday is completely unjustifiable.

10 12 2010
MeAgain

I agree p’bee!

11 12 2010
Bag O' Turnips

Where’s The Chaser when you need them?

At least Aunty are giving this spectacle minimum oxygen and that during the Summer break—when the usual hosts go on their very middle-class extended breaks—Fran Kelly’s chair will be occupied by the more-than-competent Julian Morrow for ABC Radio National’s breakfast programme.

At least that’ll give me an excuse to be up early on non-work mornings, which normally with breakfast radio want to make me stay well under the covers, or throttle some chipper arsehat or inattentive motorist who stalls on the green arrow in peak hour.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

bravo.
why isn’t someboddy absolutely shredding this?
Why can’t Safran get into her suite and jack off on her smalls or something?
(I tried, but no-one wanted to film me.
and then I couldn’t get it up anyway.)
A bloody smirch on the very character of our inherent national cynicism. Rod Quantok is rolling in his grave! Norman Gunston! Norman Gunston is actually that bloke from Mother and Son. That’s who Norman Gunston is.
did you read that Tony Martin?

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

I am ashamed to be australian in the face of this snivelling forelocking response. she’s just a great big mobile shopping catalog, like that paper trash people let rot on the lawn.

10 12 2010
Shirley

So I’ve been drinking low carb beer for nothing? That’s totally farked.

10 12 2010
hel

Yes Shirley, looks like it is back to the sugar free Lemon Ruskis.

10 12 2010
Shirley

Nah. I’ll just drink real beer now I know the truth and reinstall my ban on pasta.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

is Pizza a Pasta?
just wonderin’
is all.
I know it’s a Food Group.
but is it actually classified as a Pasta?
As such?

10 12 2010
Tombarina

Julian Assange really is a tosser.

But today is a day for bogans to rejoice, especially those of the Qld persuasion. For behold – a new Bris-Bali air carrier is about to take to the skies, shuttling intoxicated football teams and from one bogue-preferred stomping ground to another.
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/strategic-airlines-to-fly-brisbane-to-bali-route/story-e6frfku0-1225968866085

10 12 2010
martin

I tend to agree I’m not sure that the goings on behind the scenes, all that bitchy shit like what they said about Rudd and what Rudd said about the Chinese is helpful.

10 12 2010
hel

I am surprised the bogan has embraced Julian to such a degree, I mean, he is the LEAST Aussie looking bloke I can imagine and Assange is such a foreign name, I would have expected the Bogue to be glass at the ready lest he enter “our country”, I guess it really does come down to the fact he stuck it to some b*tches bareback………………………… Surprise Sex? Well I must admit, whenever I get it I am surprised

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The bogan admires bareback. What do you need permission for, just stick it in.

I posted this before but not sure if you saw it Hel.

http://ourlatinamerica.blogspot.com/2010/11/chilean-porn-to-focus-on-rescued-miners.html

10 12 2010
hel

They fully stole our idea! We should show ACA or TT our original chats, compare dates then maybe we can sue them, we will surely have full Bogue support on this! Bastards

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And we had better titles!

10 12 2010
martin

I’d say it’s because Rudd has been copping most of the sh1t because of wikileaks. The bogan hates Labor because 2gb, News Limited and so on tells them to.

10 12 2010
hel

actually, Kevin Rudd/Julian Assange……… same insipid palor, effeminate features, lank, washed out hair……….and you just know Ruddy loves it bareback. I think there is a greater conspiracy at hand here.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

we are quite certain Kevin Rudd and Penny Wong are the same person.
check it out.
Clever Wig.
Switch out the glasses…

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

This woman is bogan of the week. She has spent $80,000 stalking Oprah so she can thank her for changing her life, unsuccessfully, even sold her home. And she has 4 kids. And she is boasting about it. FFS.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/special-reports/melbourne-woman-wants-oprah-winfrey-to-give-her-second-chance/story-fn795l53-1225968533838

10 12 2010
Shirley

What a stupid c*nt.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Clownshoes even Shirl.

10 12 2010
Shirley

I think she’s too dangerously stupid to be a mere clown shoes. Perhaps a stupid clown shoes c*nt.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I bet Martin will still want to do her though.

10 12 2010
martin

Aw yuck. No way.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Lifting your standards Martin?

10 12 2010
martin

Angelina Jolie is better than her.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Splitting hairs I reckon.

10 12 2010
hel

If she had not blown all her cash she would not need a second chance, what a dumb f*ck. Spend the 80,000 on therapy you psycho bint.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Hel, don’t tiptoe around things so much.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

c*nt shoes.

10 12 2010
MeAgain

Absolutely tragic. Also proves my point that any moron can breed more than once or twice. How can Oprah inspire anybody to lose weight? She’s big as a whale.

10 12 2010
Shirley

Even if Oprah ‘inspired’ her, she was the one who lost the weight. Why doesn’t she owe it all to herself? The celebrity worship culture shits me to tears.

10 12 2010
Brimstone

People need inspiration. Heroes. Role models. No matter how big a wanker you are you’ve got some artist or writer or parent you admire. Australia’s hatred of anyone who rises above the herd is disgusting

10 12 2010
Shirley

I’m inspired by Bob Dylan, but if I wrote a folk song that became hugely popular I’d know it was me who did it, not my inspiration.

10 12 2010
hel

Oprah annoys me with her “weight struggles”. The woman has access to the best dieticians, cooks, personal trainers and psychologists to help her and still she’s up and down more than Paris Hilton in a dodgy night vision video. For f*cks sake Oprah, put down the fork! Think about it, with all that help at her finger tips, and she is still overweight…… People say they relate to her because her weight struggle makes her “human”. No, it means she needs to exercise more and eat less! What they are saying is they relate because she is a fat karnt.

11 12 2010
Blueballs

You’ve got it all wrong Brimstone. The essence of Tall Poppy Syndrome is publically humiliating our much-loved celebrities for being lazy, mediocre or just plain wankers. Take of instance, one K Minogue. In the early 90’s she was the target of ridicule (The Singing Budgie) and her career was stagnant. Any criticism was seen as TPS, but low and behold, she got the hint, pulled her finger out and become a national icon.
On the Flip side, behold the abomination that was 90’s soap star, Bruce Samazen. He rose to prominence off the back of some pretty shit skill-sets, culminating in a rapping Pepsi commercial. Naturally he was target of the TPS, but unlike Kylie, he lacked the talent to rise above his falsly elevated station and promptly faded away into obscurity.
TSP is Darwinism for celebrities, they reach a certain point and either have to do better or fade away. It’s a natural cycle. If we didn’t have the TSP we’d be overpopulated in has been celebrities living of past glories. Which brings me to my final example. The Singing Abdominal Muscle himself, Peter Andre. Rising to prominence after becoming Molly Meldrum’s rent boy on New Faces, Pete was huge in this country for a brief period of the 1990’s. He displayed all the hallmarks of a wanker, was in a musical sense mediocre and his choice of musical styling’s could well be considered lazy. Naturally, he was the target of mock and derision, but he didn’t get the hint, releasing the same formulaic shyt. Then he bucked the system and moved to England where, in the intervening years, he has contributed little to the musical landscape, and to humanity, even less. If there were a global appreciation of the TPS, he would be an obscure trivia question, not tabloid fodder.

Viewed that way, is it the disgusting trait you claim it to be?

11 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*Gives Blueballs a round of applause*

12 12 2010
Blueballs

Its a theory I’ve been trying to formulate in a coherent fashion for a few years… I’ll get there with it one day.

11 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

To quote the great John Lennon, “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me”…

People really should have more faith in their own capability rather than attributing it to some teapot flying around space…

15 12 2010
Edward

That’s just awful. I can answer the question where she would be without Oprah. Probably in a home she owned, rather than renting, presumably.

10 12 2010
SD

Oakes.

I am not sure I get “genial pangs”.

And I want to desperately know what Richard Reid said so can someone fix the link.

– Pendant Temp

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Richard Reid said

“Ding Dang, Britney’s got a new lover and you’ll never guess who. I’ll be right back.”

10 12 2010
Shirley

Ha! I love you Simon.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Back at ya dude. That was a pretty good impression huh.

10 12 2010
Shirley

Most impressive punk.

10 12 2010
hel

I initially read it as genital pangs and was most anxious as to where things were going.

10 12 2010
p'bee

just wanted to share this with everyone: http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cool. Stops him feeling ronrey.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Our favourite curry bashing dwarf is back in the news. Sadly not visiting the big house.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/teen-thugs-avoid-adult-jail-after-random-attacks-on-indians/story-e6frf7kx-1225968923240

10 12 2010
chris

Shit. Shit, shit shit. And I was so looking forward to hearing about some 22-stone lifer called “Bear” using him as a sock-puppet.

10 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We all were dude. I may start early on my Cab merlot.

10 12 2010
chris

Won’t be far behind you.

10 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

this ’06 Coonawarra Cabernet is working out really well.

10 12 2010
SD

The sentencing guys missed out on the opportunity for torture by Bollywood. Hours of punji songs later, the two would have relocated to an island for two.

That or departed for Mumbai to be an extra shaking a leg with Brett Lee.

Win win either way.

10 12 2010
hel

They will probably celebrate by going out and bashing some other immigrant group. Seriously, their fathers should have just jerked off that night all those years ago.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

nice.
shoulda left ’em on the curtains.

10 12 2010
TW

Just to prove how ludicrous Melbourne is getting, I was at a boghaven yesterday and saw a car with a southern cross sticker, along with one saying bum sex means no babies. I admit I am from that haven of culture SA, but I have yet to see anything that funny in a long time.

11 12 2010
Bag O' Turnips

Sighted a similar scene in Perth on some cock sandwich’s rear window: both stickers as you’ve mentioned, along with the ever-charming “fück off, we’re full” inside a map of Australia. I’m not given to violent tendencies, however this odious cretin certainly wishing I would pull them over at the lights and give the cünt a broken glass of their own obnoxious medicine.

But all is not lost: I also did witness another vehicle on Perth’s roads which also appropriated the outline of the country, but instead of the usual bellicose tosh within it (I’m truly surprised no one has yet used the logo from Se7en’s Border Security to adorn their vehicles), it had “you’re welcome”; that subtly peaceful guerilla mindbomb made my day, someone humane at last!

10 12 2010
what a disgrace

i agree hel they are less than a waste of space, they are the load their mother should have swallowed

i always thought that bogans was a reference to people who liked cars and wore flanno shirts and ugg boots not wanna be gangstars (yes its misspelled, its a play on words) committing hate crimes

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

…then be enlightened.
https://thingsboganslike.com/about/

10 12 2010
v'visexxxion

So Channel 10 “News” just showed a scrubber, senior boguette, with a spiral perm loitering outside Federation Square hoping to give Oprah a set of personalised Victorian NUmber Plates……..FFS

10 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

…anyway.
I’m watching a Morgan Spurlock thing I never knew existed, (which is pretty funny BTW) called Where is Osama Bin Laden. anyway…
I am reminded they sell Holdens in the “Middle East”, I read that somewhere or something, and anyway I keep seeing old Commodores in the background of this show, (he was stepping out of a circa 2005 Statesman a minute ago) and I’m wondering “wonder what they call a commodore in Saudi Arabia?”,
And Then It Hits Me.
Oh My God, the Fu#king Badge on it would be in
ARABIC!!!
How f#cking Cool would that be to have an Arabic Commodore logo on your Commodore?
HUH?
I’d get it in Gold!

how can I do this? hands up who speaks Arabic?

10 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

“What’s that? You grew here? Yeah? Well I turned up fu#kin sideways in my red hot Arabic VEII V8!!!”

10 12 2010
Whistling Nixie

What do they call the Commodore in the Arabian Gulf? Chevrolet Lumina…
http://forum.grrrr8.net/showthread.php?t=10523

11 12 2010
Bag O' Turnips

What we know as the Holden Commodore is known around the Gulf states as the Chevrolet Lumina, as Nixie mentioned.

What Morgan Spurlock stepped into and out of is known there as the Chevrolet Caprice, which now, believe it or not, under that same moniker, is also being sold to various police forces throughout USA; this a classic case of taking coals to Newcastle, for nowhere—except Cadillac—in their domestic GM range are there long-wheelbase rear-drive sedans beloved by the constabulary at this time. So the Aussie Caprice steps up to the mantle to fill in the void left when Chevy stopped building those cars with that marque in 1996, thus leaving the market almost solely to now-antiquated Ford Crown Victoria. Given that the current Holden Caprice and Commodore are surprisingly adroit handlers and the latter with its own local police pedigree, with its extensive customised features for pursuit and cruise work, not to mention room to spare and a menacing presence, they should be well-received, in spite of the fact that it ain’t Detroit metal…and most Americans probably don’t realise that most of GM’s global rear-drive engineering takes place in Melbourne, Australia, including the well-regarded Chevy Camaro, which rides on the same but shortened Zeta platform of our Conformadore.

So all you Americans, I put a call to you: show your national pride, acknowledging the tradition of outsourcing to other countries, by peeling off the bowtie (or shield for you Pontiac G8 drivers) logo and slapping in its place a lion-and-stone on your true Chevadores!

11 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Hurrah!

thankyou for your informative precis Turnips.
I do recall someone recently linking to a US forum where a bunch of Yogans were admiring and craving GMH logos.
I am a proud owner of the local product and am certain it represents about the best bang for one’s buck in the current (economic )climate.
Spending more would have only netted me “cachet”.
And I don’t need any more of that.

11 12 2010
Neil Reilly

It’s Oakes. And “genial pangs” is a nonsensical phrase. By and large, the TBL house style makes Dickens and Austen look like exemplars of concision. At least they could occasionally write worth a good god-damn; you lot don’t even know when or how to use a fucking hyphen. Some of your posts are accurate but most of them remind me of a (perhaps apocryphal) story about the Joey’s boy who was dared by his circle-jerk buddies to catch a train to the Druitt and take a photo of the station to prove that he’d done it. You’ll never properly characterise the modern bogan because you’re too (unjustifiably) shit-scared to observe him in his natural habitat. Take it from a former Penrith boy who’s now a post-doc at the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics.

Thanks for demonstrating that concision thing. TBL

11 12 2010
Neil Reilly

Well, you appear to have devoted some 200 unnecessarily verbose posts to hating on your straw man concept of a bogan, and I’ve expressed my thoughts on what an insecure and inarticulate bunch of pussies I rightly perceive you to be in a single paragraph. So don’t mention it. There are some intellectuals with street-cred who’ve earned the right to hate on bogans with impunity. I’m not for the merest fraction of a second suggesting that I’m one of them, but fuck, you wankers aren’t even close. For one thing, you’re all fuck-dumb as a shit in a pant.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

hansonesque plaintif;
critique, insult. no output.
Where is your blog Sir?

12 12 2010
SD

Neil Reilly, TBL is not above criticism. Unfortunately every person who comes along cannot make a sensible case for their criticism, deteriorating soon to name calling. You sir, are no exception and I do believe that using the crutch of insults to make a case is umm, well let’s see – bogan?

12 12 2010
p'bee

you ‘rightly perceive’ what all of us are like? really? where’s your proof of that? love the suggestion that ‘intellectuals’ need ‘street-cred’. blah-di-blah-di-anti-intellectual-blah.

12 12 2010
Mick

Never observed the bogan in it’s natural habitat? I grew up in Toowoomba, lived for 20 years in Nth Queensland and work in the mines.

I challenge you, Neil Reilly, to find any individual on this planet who has spent more time observing bogans than I have.

11 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks for demonstrating that anyone can rise to the station of f*ckwit.

11 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

. نزوة, هوى مفاجئ, ميل إلى التقلب في الرأي

apparently that says Caprice in arabic.

it would look good across the back of the Stater.
eh?

11 12 2010
chris

Looks like a mouthful. Too bad because the translation for the “Fuck off we’re full of cashed-up bogan expats thank you very much” sticker is obviously going to obscure the entire rear window.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

nah,
when the window is full
you could have part of it on the spoiler as well,
and then finish it off along the bumper
Bro.
that would be sick.
match it to my rims.
eh.

12 12 2010
Steve

Assange is a modern day Al Capone. “Sex by surprise” is the tax evasion of the 21st century.

12 12 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Try telling that to Wesley Snipes…

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

Wil Anderson:
“Is there anyone else who suspects Julian Assange might just be one of Chris Lilley’s more elaborate characters? #heisverygood #wilkileaks”

12 12 2010
p'bee

getting back to oprah and how she’s not just harmless ‘believe in yourself’ fluff, there’s her advocacy for that crap the secret, written about in detail here: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2007/03/05/the_secret/

and this really depressing story: http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2010/12/a_horrifying_breast_cancer_testimonial.php about a woman who saw oprah’s show about the secret and refused proper treatment for her breast cancer, and even got invited on oprah and talked about how she was using the secret rather than medicine to try and cure herself. she died a few days ago. oprah’s website, of course, now has no mention of her.

12 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

has anyone given any consideration to bogan of the year?
What if a former footballer who married a news reader and founded a charity was found to be porking the wife of a hells angel in backplay and had to quit the foundation and split the country in fear of his life?
gossip has it that he knocked her up, stripped the foundation for 200 large to pay off the bikies, and now has brown hair and big tits and lives in Thailand.

strange but true
http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/tony-mcguiness-parts-ways-with-chris-mcdermott/story-e6frea83-1225906398189

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: