Despite having little to no interest in soccer (which they will never call football), the bogan has a serious interest in winning. Winning anything, really, so long as it doesn’t involve the bogan itself competing for the thing that it wants to win. Rather, the bogan will hunt around and attach itself to other groups or individuals it believes likely to win and/or considers representative of it, then loudly proclaim its support for this thing. Tennis players, who travel the world playing only for themselves and their personal success, become ‘ours’ every January until Hewitt or Stosur are knocked out in the fourth round.
Indeed, while most bogans actively state the merits of their preferred football code over soccer, the hazy memories of the recent World Cup remain freshly hazy. There was lots of beer, and there were countless opportunities to screech “oi, oi, oi”. Not that the bogan is racist, but it was also heard gleefully detailing what it perceived to be flaws with things that weren’t Australian. So while Australia’s soccer history has lurched from local ethnic rivalries, to the defunct NSL, to the somewhat shaky A-League, the bogan had seen all the evidence it needed in order to convince itself that ‘we’ ‘deserve’ the World Cup.
When the bogan caught wind of the fact that ‘we’ were a decent chance to snare hosting rights to the 2022 World Cup, it was a bandwagon few bogans could resist jumping on. Competing against other countries in a contest to prove how genuinely awesome Australia is in a process that involved putting together videos with animated kangaroos, Elle McPherson, a drawling PM and a Paul Hogan who is simultaneously being pursued by the ATO under fraud allegations was simply too good an opportunity to pass up. After all, living in Australia is the bogan’s crowning achievement.
The bogan, however, conveniently overlooked the fact that the FIFA bid process is, was and likely always will be, irretrievably corrupt. Until ‘we’ lost. This morning, instead of discussions about the bulk piss that will be sunk while watching Ghana play Uruguay in Western Sydney, bogans nationwide are lamenting the corruption of a process that did not result in it winning. For Australia to have lost, in the bogan’s eyes, can only be the result of a system that is so rotten to the core that a bunch of towelhead Qatar Heroes could rob ‘us’ of the event ‘we’ so clearly deserved. Had Australia won, of course, the bogan would defend the bid process to all those who would question it, as any system that results in an Australian (read: bogan) victory is, by definition, proper.