#199 – Decrying Corrupt FIFA Executives

3 12 2010

Despite having little to no interest in soccer (which they will never call football), the bogan has a serious interest in winning. Winning anything, really, so long as it doesn’t involve the bogan itself competing for the thing that it wants to win. Rather, the bogan will hunt around and attach itself to other groups or individuals it believes likely to win and/or considers representative of it, then loudly proclaim its support for this thing. Tennis players, who travel the world playing only for themselves and their personal success, become ‘ours’ every January until Hewitt or Stosur are knocked out in the fourth round.

Indeed, while most bogans actively state the merits of their preferred football code over soccer, the hazy memories of the recent World Cup remain freshly hazy. There was lots of beer, and there were countless opportunities to screech “oi, oi, oi”. Not that the bogan is racist, but it was also heard gleefully detailing what it perceived to be flaws with things that weren’t Australian. So while Australia’s soccer history has lurched from local ethnic rivalries, to the defunct NSL, to the somewhat shaky A-League, the bogan had seen all the evidence it needed in order to convince itself that ‘we’ ‘deserve’ the World Cup.

When the bogan caught wind of the fact that ‘we’ were a decent chance to snare hosting rights to the 2022 World Cup, it was a bandwagon few bogans could resist jumping on. Competing against other countries in a contest to prove how genuinely awesome Australia is in a process that involved putting together videos with animated kangaroos, Elle McPherson, a drawling PM and a Paul Hogan who is simultaneously being pursued by the ATO under fraud allegations was simply too good an opportunity to pass up. After all, living in Australia is the bogan’s crowning achievement.

The bogan, however, conveniently overlooked the fact that the FIFA bid process is, was and likely always will be, irretrievably corrupt. Until ‘we’ lost. This morning, instead of discussions about the bulk piss that will be sunk while watching Ghana play Uruguay in Western Sydney, bogans nationwide are lamenting the corruption of a process that did not result in it winning. For Australia to have lost, in the bogan’s eyes, can only be the result of a system that is so rotten to the core that a bunch of towelhead Qatar Heroes could rob ‘us’ of the event ‘we’ so clearly deserved. Had Australia won, of course, the bogan would defend the bid process to all those who would question it, as any system that results in an Australian (read: bogan) victory is, by definition, proper.


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153 responses

3 12 2010
Gorey

I want the government to give me $45m to support my bid for some event in the far future we have no chance of winning. There must be plenty of it just laying around, ready to fun the next fool’s venture.

3 12 2010
p'bee

can i join your executive committee? i’ll only ask for a small 10& fee.

3 12 2010
Gorey

10%? Are you nuts? 8% or get out and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

3 12 2010
p'bee

8%, and i’ll offer my skills to design the uniforms as long as i get a cut of the merchandise profits.

3 12 2010
Gorey

As long as they have boxing kangaroos and Southern Crosses on them!

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

I would hope for come corks dangling from the hat rims too.

3 12 2010
p'bee

they’ll be bedazzled in an ed hardy-type way.

3 12 2010
p'bee

of course – would you expect anything less?

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thank Christ we lost. 12 years of listening to world cup crap, soccer this soccer that would send me postal. The reason there are so many riots at the game is that it f*cking sucks.

3 12 2010
martin

I agree it does suck. I was sort of into it before the last World Cup, I think it was because there was one exciting game, the Australia vs Japan game at the 2006 world cup. Every single game I’ve watched (for about 5 minutes) since then has been boring as bat shit.

3 12 2010
Keithy

Just how boring is bat shit Martin ?

3 12 2010
accidental

The A league is horrendous. I’m so sick of seeing stories about Alex Brosque and Sasho Petrovski or whoever who are apparently superstars in the A-League but have never made even a slight impact overseas in their decade long careers.

3 12 2010
T-Mac

Loved the Qatar Heroes line.

Any guesses as to the subject of #200?

3 12 2010
p'bee

oprah

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m still hoping for Harley Davidsons.

3 12 2010
Mick

Simon, this is something I wish for too.

I also have a theory about the extinction of the NaB in line with the Mayan calendar.#200 shall be the time to share.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Angela Bishop – someone must like her she wont go away.

3 12 2010
chris

And her swamp hag mother. And the broomsticks they rode in on.

4 12 2010
Shazza

Angela Bishop — concrete evidence that success in the television industry is not always dependent on physical attractiveness.

3 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Hoping it’s those blasted “my family” stickers.

3 12 2010
Tombarina

My Family stickers, or the irridescently-fanged Shane Warne.

Both are worthy contenders for things bogans of BOTH genders like. Oprah’s more up the alley of the middle-aged boguelet-producers.

3 12 2010
SD

Wikileaks. And how it is unpatriotic and a terrorist group.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Well SD, It’s true, an Australian, in Europe, publishing documents about the US is clearly committing an act of treason against the US govt….. or is he the next albino Ned Kelly…. I see some big bogue moral dilemma’s and indepth analysis in the near future.

3 12 2010
SD

Albino Ned Kelly – awesome!

It all depends on what the radio shock jocks say-sock it to the man or this is killing our soldiers in Afghanistan.

Then again wikileaks reportage thus far is No Idea for the nerds.

3 12 2010
p'bee

what’s hilarious is how much of it is so childish – barely a step above calling someone a poopoohead.

3 12 2010
SD

World Leaders: Even more stupid than you thought.

To borrow from Hannah Arendt, all we are seeing is the banality of power.

8 12 2010
v'visexxxion

http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/politics/julian-assange-is-the-ned-kelly-of-the-digital-age-20101207-18ob0.html

Somebody is stealing my mind ideas *puts on aluminium foil hat and glances furtively around the room*

8 12 2010
Shirley

Except you were being flippant and The Age are apparently being serious.

8 12 2010
SD

You wuz ROBBED!

Can’t see bogans making him a Ned Kelly. There are no guns for one, just pages and pages of written matter which no self respecting bogan will ever look at (unless it is made into a movie with Tom Cruise).

4 12 2010
James Hunter

So thats why Ned wore that tin suit , to keep the sunlight of his tender skin ?

5 12 2010
Edward

Here’s the thing, I don’t think that there is even a case of espionage to answer. No-one has suggested that anyone who is identifiable with Wiki-leaks went and stole the information. The presumption seems to be that someone in the State Department sent them outside the organization. That’s why they are leaks, I would imagine. Wiki-leaks has done no more than disseminate them, apparently. Sedition doesn’t fit the bill either. Neither does the equivalent of the Official Secrets Act, since this would require having been a party to an agreement regarding the proper use of classified documents. I don’t know what this could be called. Jurisdiction also seems unclear (except to the extent that junior partners in defense alliances are willing to co-operate with the United States of America).

4 12 2010
Rod Blaine

Those “My Family” car stickers. Often positioned on the rear window of the 4WD in close proximity to the “F### OFF, WE’RE FULL” sticker.

3 12 2010
Bill

So, uh…Qatar has never qualified for a world cup.
Clearly, they’re qualified to host a display of exemplary football.

(inb4 it’s not team qualification but how much money you’re willing to spend on it)

3 12 2010
johnnydrama

The best campaign they could mount is Elle, Hoges, Joolya and a reanimated Matilda the Kangaroo?¿! Have I time travelled back to the 1980’s? What an embarrassing, yet comedic, tragedy.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

The only things missing were Jenny Kee and Ken Done

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Pro Hart?

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

and Ossie Ostrich

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Our Theme Music, introduced by Dirty Dave Grey.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Ahhhh, Molly’s Indecent Obsession- where are they now? Probably working at a Borders somewhere (about 8 years ago Mr Viv and I discovered the keyboard player from Kids in the Kitchen working at a borders – so it’s safe to assume that’s where all 80’s aussie rock stars end up)

3 12 2010
Lola

‘Indecent Obsession’ – sounds like the bogan’s fantasy du jour: – anal sex, a desire germinated in its tiny little mind by classics such as ‘Ass Wide Open’ and ‘Sick Degrees of Penetration’. Speaking of anal, wasn’t the lead singer of this band a vege driller of the highest order?

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

?? Viv?

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Vege driller is a new one to me. One of the few things I haven’t been called. Are you insinuating he slept with coma patients?

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Or someone from Townsville
*sideways peace sign*

4 12 2010
Shazza

Add Prue Acton and obvious theme music from Men at Work.

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

This is the sort of person who likes soccer. His name is Zyzz (true) and he is from Australia.

Caution – do not view with coffee in mouth

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/12/mecha-hineyho/

3 12 2010
p'bee

there are no words.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

He should have been in the bid promo video.

3 12 2010
martin

Why are so many mediterranean immigrants such hideous bogan scum? Sad. Sometimes life being short is a good thing.

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The roids kill em quick Martin!

3 12 2010
Sybil Ince

What a cute little romper suit. What is she, 3?

3 12 2010
Mitch

We put a crap bid together, but Qatar didn’t deserve it. A lowly rank, with tiny population, oppression of women and most importantly, no beer.

I feel for England, the home of football. They refuse to partake in bribery and (albeit foolishly) expose corruption in the game only for the post-Soviet Russian obligarchs to buy the Cup.

3 12 2010
brad

Actually Qatar was the first middle Eastern Emirate/State?Country ? too grant the female vote in the 70,s and is probaly the most progressive of the oil soaked states,however you’re correct on the corruption angle Mitch-base game ,base scruples.

3 12 2010
Steve

It was 1999, not that there’s much voting going on in an absolute monarchy. Also, being one of the more progressive Middle Eastern countries isn’t saying much, you still can’t be gay there.

3 12 2010
Shirley

I love that Quatar (sic) is trending on twitter. Proof positive football fans can’t spell.

3 12 2010
Steve

Goes to show how well known the place is. Having said that, Al-Qaeda are pretty well known, and they still get the u treatment.

3 12 2010
martin

Love it TBL. So many truths. I thought you might talk about U2. But this is better.

I’m glad we lost it. That spiv Lowy can go jump. Spend the money on trains you lame government(s).

3 12 2010
Rudimentary Stoudamire

Ahh, our taxpayer dollars!

3 12 2010
Steve

I thought most bogans would be happy we didn’t win it.

3 12 2010
Steve

Also, aren’t homosexuals banned from going? Bogans would love that.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Please, there would be no more need to ban homos from attending than there would be to tell Dolly Parton it’s easier to sleep on her back.

3 12 2010
Gorey

They wanted us to win, even if they didn’t know why. That’s why they’re bogans.

3 12 2010
Stereotypical Stereotyper

Only the Old school bogans

3 12 2010
Gavin

I’m most impressed at how quickly you guys got this out, great work tbl

3 12 2010
Tone

I think TBL’s real skill is being ahead of the curve. No doubt they had this written up weeks ago in readiness. Heck, they may have even had an alternate version in the unlikely event that Kangaroo Jack and The Three Stooges proved more compelling to FIFA than a great big eff-off brown paper bag of currency.

3 12 2010
Kat

Have to agree – there’s little in the sporting world more irritating than listening to a country that really has little to do with a sport go on about how it should have hosted its major events. It’s like Ireland being upset that they never get an afl grand final.

3 12 2010
Kat

Or Sydney being upset the AFL grand final isn’t played there

3 12 2010
Gorey

Don’t tell the AFL that. They just started a new club here and spent millions on a guy who can’t play.

3 12 2010
p'bee

so is australia going to campaign to host the world curling championships here next?

4 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

At Smiggins Holes, where Roy & HG were wanting to get a campaign rolling for an Australian bid to host the Winter Olympics.

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Off topic but this caught my eye. The ABC has announced its plans for next years shows.

“Unveiling the broadcaster’s line-up at a dinner in Sydney yesterday, ABC director of television Kim Dalton says 2011 will mark the ABC’s return to the “drama stakes”.

“We’ll be screening 32 hours of drama in 2011 … we’ll also have another 36 hours of drama in production,” he told the gathering.”

So if my maths are correct the ABC will be screening 5.2 minutes of drama every day. Will we be able to bear the excitement. What will screen for the other 1435 minutes per day? Soccer?

3 12 2010
3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A fourth Underbelly series to screen in 2011 promises to lift the lid on the birth of organised crime in Australia.

Based in Sydney in the roaring 1920s, Underbelly Razor tells the story of the bloody battle between “vice queens” Tilly Devine and her rival Kate Leigh.

From this description I will suggest the show will be littered with Tuts and Butts.

Perhaps Jo Beth Taylor got her new ones so she can play the lead?

3 12 2010
p'bee

you could be right, there, simon. and because they’re setting it in the 20s they can pretend to tuts and butts are all burlesque and clarsy.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

So they are making a local version Boardwalk Empire, with chicks and razors instead of Steve Buscemi. We’ll probably get Rhonda Burchmore instead Bound to have legs and tuts and teeth galore

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Who is Australias current pre eminant tuts? I’m not sure Rhonda will work coz she tends to keep them covered and Underkelly calls for Tuts out for sure.

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sh*t, it’s going to be Sophie Monk isn’t it.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Ricky-Lee Coulter??

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Dude, you’re sick.

3 12 2010
p'bee

maria venuti?

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Dame Edna Everage.

3 12 2010
p'bee

considering the requisite nudity in underbelly that’s a scary thought.

3 12 2010
3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

F*ck a duck. Maybe one of the old tarts from Prisoner, isn’t Bob dead? Even in her younger years she would have looked like a rugby player.

3 12 2010
3 12 2010
JohnnyDrama

Perhaps Shane Jacobson could pull it off. I mean he’s still riding the bogan popularity wave of that hilarious ‘Kenny’ movie. (even typing it makes me dry wretch)

3 12 2010
JohnnyDrama

What about Meshel Laurie. She like Kate Leigh has a face like a dropped pie.

3 12 2010
martin

Even the requisite nudity couldn’t keep me watching it last time.

Scumderbelly. Can’t wait.

4 12 2010
James Hunter

definitely Dame “Megastar” Edna who has the most superior make up and wardrobe

5 12 2010
Pipergirl

Underbelly 4’s going to feature Paul Hogan as Paul Hogan decrying corrupt Australian Crime Commission executives.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/12/05/3084901.htm?section=entertainment

5 12 2010
Pipergirl

Underbelly 4 will feature Paul Hogan as Paul Hogan decrying corrupt Australian Crime Commission executives. And still find plenty of reasons to go to strip clubs.

3 12 2010
wayne

Flicking through the morning news, I caught a few minutes of Kochie throwing a tantrum that would make a retarded monkey seem reasonable.

The animated kangaroo (the one from Dot & the Kangaroo was more life-like) & the old leather shoe (Hoges) really put the nail in the coffin.

5 12 2010
AntiPajero

Ha! I originally stumbled upon this site by googling “stupid bogan retarded monkey tantrum”, in reference to the bogan GF of a friend of mine. I thought there would be a litany of her exploits, instead I found TBL. Which seems to be a litany of just about everything about her.

3 12 2010
Dan

After reading Simon and Martins early comments, It felt like bogans were commenting?
A thin line some of you walk.

Tournament football, Read: The World Cup etc, is usually cagey and defensive affairs, yet all you guys do is tar the whole game with the same brush…

Just because you watch a game or two every four years does not mean you will understand it, thus meaning you won’t enjoy it. It’s not action packed enough, or physical enough for the bogan in you.

Invest some interest in the game first, watch a Premier League campaign (and not the FA Cup, remember that is “Tournament Football”, then we can stop hearing how much you all hate the ‘boring’ game of ‘soccer’

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Boring.

3 12 2010
martin

I don’t hate it completely. I enjoyed playing it when I was a kid. I enjoyed playing it when I had an XBox 360. Actually I enjoyed playing most sports as a kid. But as TBL says “so long as it doesn’t involve the bogan itself competing for the thing that it wants to win.”, that’s the sort of thing that annoys me.

No I’m not convinced that it’s the beautful game and that there’s some sort of deep art to it. I think it’s just what the spankers say to justify watching some shit boring sport and to give it the snob factor along with having to call it ‘football’.

Face it, you’re a spanker, and so are people who love soccer to the point that it becomes a religion.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

My parents made me play as a kid. I played for two years and to this day I still do not know what is gong on. I ambled along the sideline and only ran when the ball came near me – in the opposite direction. All I recall is having a ball thrown at my head repeatedly in the name of training. Training for what??? My bullsh!t radar was finely tuned at the age of 8.

3 12 2010
p'bee

sounds a bit like my brother – he’d be goalie so he could just sit in the grass.

3 12 2010
Mick

I think this could be my most bogan trait.

I was an awful, horrible, competative bastard on the sporting field.

4 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Me too Mick, I’d race a one legged centipede give a chance.

4 12 2010
Tombarina

Me too, Mick – horribly competitive at swiming, track and field, tennis, netball, softball, basketball, et al. Problem was, I wasn’t much chop at any of them.

More annoying were my two sports-gifted brothers, one of whom had as much competitive instinct as a wombat and the other to whom athletic ability, coordination, timing and repeated selection in every representative team imaginable came so easily that he couldn’t be arsed continuing, due to lack of a challenge.

Bastards.

3 12 2010
brad

Premier League what a joke four clubs awash with dirty money dominate for 20 yrs while the rest fight it out to avoid relegation.No finals series either so the four clubs never get truly tested and sometimes the winner is known weeks before the end of the season.A shit concept brought to you by the same country that thrust the tedium of test cricket on us all.

3 12 2010
Will S

The whole thing is all the funnier given how hard News Ltd and Ch7 have tried to stomp on football/soccer in Australia.

4 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

There was a popular bumper sticker that Perth Glory fans had on their cars back about seven or eight years ago, “Nobody Screws Soccer Like 7”, which paraphrased their advertising slogan for their nightly news (“Nobody Knows News like 7”).

4 12 2010
Will S

It was in response to when they bought the rights to the old National Soccer League then deliberately buried it to suck up to the AFL (they even admitted as much).

3 12 2010
martin

All those photos of bogans face palming and wincing in pain. It amazes me how entitled to it they thought they were.

I wonder what our average iq is in Australia. It can’t be more than 80.

3 12 2010
v'visexxxion

That’s very optimistic for you Martin.

3 12 2010
Tone

Methinks that’s a typo. Surely there’s a decimal point missing..?

3 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

No bribes, no cup. We never had a hope. Lucky we are all here to boost up the nation’s average IQ.

4 12 2010
James Hunter

by definition it must be 100 but if you want the most common score, well thats a whole different question

3 12 2010
Lord Charos

*Sigh* Off with their head!

3 12 2010
Dgusten

The good news is that once the outrage dies down (I reckon there’s a maximum of 2 days before some other boganic outrage takes over) we shouldn’t have to hear about World Cup Bids for at least a few years: once a continent has hosted the World Cup that continent is ineligible to bid for the following two World Cups, and Australia and Qatar are somehow part of the same continent.

Of course, there’s a good chance someone will decide that we should start preparing our 2034 bid sooner rather than later…

3 12 2010
Lord Charos

No, the Bogan can’t even comprehend that many years ahead.

3 12 2010
urbanreverie

Not so fast, Dgusten! Australia can always move back to the Oceania Football Confederation, thereby not being on the same continent as Qatar any more! So we might still get it in 2026 or 2030, worse luck.

Oh, Qatar hosted the FIFA Youth World Cup back in 1995. I watched a few games on SBS when I should have been asleep before going to school the next day. There was an average crowd of something like seventeen people per game. (That’s even less than what the Brisbane Roar home games get, Tomba.) The playing style was so languid and uninspiring due to the oppressive weather.

I’m not upset that Australia didn’t get to host the World Cup; there are better things to spend our money on and I’m not a huge soccer fan. I’m just amazed at the stupidity of FIFA. I wonder how the local mullahs will handle the reaction of a herd of fifty thousand sunburnt Euro-bogues when they learn that they can’t even buy a beer after the match?

3 12 2010
Tombarina

Couldn’t.
Care.
Less.

Yet here in Brisbane, where the local side (whose name I can’t recall because soccer bores me $h1tless) couldn’t pack out a walk-in wardrobe, there are suddenly sp@nkers galore walking around saying we wuz robbed.

And, in news just to hand….it’s apparently some sort of Muslim conspiracy. Just heard this here at work.

Bugger this – I’m going on hols. Byeeee.

3 12 2010
p'bee

have fun.

3 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

chastened.
I have been championing the “soccer is bogan cause” all these months and TBL just throw it back in my face.
*sigh*
elated.
as outlined by so many above we are spared the tedium of this insipid spectacle first hand.
I am spared having to endlessly point out Soccer is a primitive and simplistic game best suited to children and most popular in the least advanced societies on earth (such as South America and the UK) and how it’s so simple that even my dog and four year old neice can imitate it, despite both being completely incapable of anything remotely resembling a spiral pass or a decent long putt and how it’s so insipid and simple they can create a reality TV show to choose players, giving the alleged game all the credibility of Australian Idol and also having to listen to soccer fans spout knee jerk reactions to these arguments instead of considered responses, for example pointing out that the absolute facility of the game and consequent extraordinary skill of elite players is what makes it an entertaining spectacle despite the fact that these factors frequently render the possibility of a clear outcome virtually mpossible, which is why passionate fans are driven to riot..
david beckham.

6 12 2010
USA

So your sports of choice are American Football and Golf? Wow. Just wow.

8 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

That’s sarcasm right?
I’m never quite sure.

where on earth did you get the idea I like American Football?
On the continuum of world football codes, whilst Soccer lies at the “simple” end of the scale, American Football lies at the “ridiculously complicated” end. Rendering both Tedious. I find the middle ground is occupied by Rugby. Both Codes. File under sophisticated.
don’t bother with the usual attacks on rugby. I have learnt that soccer fans are bamboozled by the subtleties of Rugby and can’t get past the physicality in either their estimation or appreciation of the game. you needn’t reiterate.
I’m not saying soccer is crap. millions love it. it’s simple and unsophisticated, anyone can do it…. good stuff.
enjoy.

3 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

my tip for #200 – Quiz Shows.
or possibly Insurance, the Insuranceline “infomercial” type with the sincere “genuine aussie” actors which play on bogan fear and insecurity. “If Gavin overdoses on Meth how are you even going to keep up the payments on the Senator and the McMansion, let alone pay for a funeral?” what kind of moron gets sucked in to that?
leave your money in the bank fool.

4 12 2010
Lola

You know those insurance product advertised via the infomercial medium are a total ripoff when they tell you “No medical or blood test necessary and we instantly insure anyone from age 18 – 80” ie. you need to subsidise the all the sick and old and fat people who apply. These products are fascinating though: unashamedly pitched at the bogan, but all about foregoing immediate consumption. As we all know, bogANUS australiANUS contains this trait in trace amounts only.

4 12 2010
Lola

PS. Chubbybloodfart: I love the Antix song you posted here recently, to the point where I actually forewent some of my own money to buy it on iTunes. Keep ’em coming.

7 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

sweet.
this is nice.
don’t let that big doof beat put you off.
this thing swings like God’s Dick.
(ignore the clip)

3 12 2010
Shirley

Can you all please shut up? I’m trying to be high here.

3 12 2010
Shirley

While I’m high I’d like to announce that I love this equal parts bitter and hilarious community.

I especially love Viv and Simon (even though they hate The Beatles. And Simon cycles AND worships Neil Young! Love them anyway). I’ll cook you dinner one time and we’ll talk about sticking things in arses.

Stay tuned for more declarations of love as the evening unfolds.

Oh yeah.. and don’t suck too much cock while I’m gone.

3 12 2010
p'bee

oh shirley, did you hear pulp are reforming? currently they’ve only announced a couple of festival billings in europe, but still – pulp reforming.

3 12 2010
Shirley

I know. *swoon*

By the way, I love you too, mainly for your amazing style and fashion thing you’ve got going on, which I am jealous of.

3 12 2010
p'bee

thanks, shirley. you’re definitely tbl’s shining musical light.

4 12 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks Shirl, it’s nice to be loved considering how little I have going for me!

I get great pleasure from interacting with everyone here and the odd misguided bogan. Keep up the good work.

5 12 2010
v'visexxxion

Shirley, you are a brick! Bless ya little Beatles filled heart xxxx

3 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

hey f#ck you Shirley!
my biscuit tin is empty.
and Mushrooms in W.A. Is a f#cking MYTH!
😀

3 12 2010
Shirley

Come on over, punk. You are Edna are always welcome. I’ll sort you out. I’ll sort you out good.

4 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Blame the lack of rain due to climate change, caused by knuckleheads scrooming about in pearlescent green Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) utes bought with moolah from the moines (or failing that, a high-interest car loan), doing 25 L/100 km. OK, it’s more than those neanderthals and their wheels

Trying to grow my own vegies and herbs while attempting to minimise tap water use has been hampered to some degree by the poor rainfall, meaning the mostly sandy Perth soils dry up much earlier, thus I have to use more water and earlier in the dry summer season.

If these extended dry spells continue for several more years in the South West, we’re screwed. But the bogan will still continue their profligate ways—with water, alongside any other resources they voraciously consume—and berate the Gummint for not piping water down from the Kimberleys, as if it were some magic pudding that could forever facilitate their sense of entitlement to be good little Aussie consumers. Which feeds festering sore of urban growth of not just Perth, but the whole South West coastal strip, with towns like Mandurah, Bunbury, Busselton (which is fast becoming almost a contiguous urban corridor connecting to the south of Perth) and Margaret River growing well ahead of the pace of the ability to provide reliable infrastructure.

Water shortages may yet become the Achilles heel of the WA South West’s prospects for growth. But we cannot rely on either desalination (which costs a bomb and wrecks marine environments) or the North West for a solution. The business types who push continuous economic growth will have to come to terms with this reality, not lest they want to completely upfück everything chasing that goal according to their mantra.

[Shakes head vigorously] Aww, merde: just went off on another tangental rant…all stemming from why certain fungi appear to be in scarce supply, itself not related to the celebrating the failure of Aussie Soccer.

Which I guess answers why Barnett Rubble and his rabble in the State Gummint would be less likely to pony up taxpayer’s money in funding a stadium, now we don’t have to worry about hosting a game for, as ascribed by bogans once again from next week on, men with possible questionable sexual proclivities…those selfsame men who’ll knock the roundballers will now continue to redouble their lobbying efforts to get a new stadium, justifiably sponsored by all Sandgropers (federal grants welcome, too!) for their far more manly ovoid ball pursuits. And then their proponents in aerial pingpong will still have the cheek to slug the wage slaves who continue to watch this bought sport extortionate admission to watch their games, all the while stumping up approximately 86 percent of sweet Fanny Adams to the construction of that edifice of extra-lowbrow culture. And what’s more, they’re the type who’ll heartily beat upon those already way down on society’s totem pole for being on welfare, but bleat balefully when they themselves (and their adjunct interests) are denied access to suckling on the government teat.

Oh, sh¡t-a-brick. I’m going on a rant like some prat calling Howard PrSattler on AM882 6PR (Perth’s shock-jock venue, sometimes known as 6PRacist), but in some strange parallel universe or during an opposite day. Better go to bed and rest my raging mind.

Bloody bogans. What more can I say?

3 12 2010
Mick

Ok, I’m back from the bogan west and have just read the punch article.

When did TBL go from ‘cult website’ to ‘wildly popular’? And will there be an addiction followed closely by the rehab that usually goes with sudden success.

Will bogans forgive TBL? It would tear them apart hating TBL for exposing them as cretins yet have to forgive them because of their fame.

I was hoping that if I was ever described as “wildly popular”, someone would do my dishes. Sadly, this has proven to be untrue. TBL

4 12 2010
Mick

There was a top 5 film list somewhere that i cannot find so this will do here. Sorry.

1. Fargo
2. Das Boot
3. This Is Spinal Tap
4. A Greek murder/whodunnit I caught on SBS 15 years ago and have never learnt the name or seen it since. It was intense. I’d love to know what it was called.
5. Death In Brunswick. No one can accuse me of ignoring Australian cinema.

5 12 2010
Andrew

Thanks for reminding me Mick. Read that post on the run and urged myself to get on later and add my list. And then promptly forgot.
So here’s mine:
1. Millers Crossing (Still the Coen brother’s masterpiece for mine)
2. The Godfather (1&2, forget the part 3 crapola)
3. High Noon
4. To Kill A Mockingbird
5. Lawrence of Arabia
So many more, but I could probably live with a choice from those five only for the rest of my years

4 12 2010
Pendant

“After all, living in Australia is the bogan’s crowning achievement.”

So much truth in so few words
:tearofanemu:

4 12 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

I couldn’t care less about the World Cup, FIFA corruption or any other bullshit relating to organised grass diving…sorry, soccer.

Now if you will all excuse me, I have to go get laid.

4 12 2010
p'bee

organised grass diving – i like it.

4 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

awesome rant Turnips.
awesome list Mick
awesome Ash!

4 12 2010
Bag O'Turnips

No worries Chubbs. Thought I needed the fire extinguisher for a moment.

Commiserations re the ‘shrooms though 😦

4 12 2010
James Hunter

since Qatar were the winners, maybe we shouls get Woollongong to have a go. make as much sense.

5 12 2010
Pandabater

The Sunday cycling parade.
It’s like a rolling nightclub.
Tight, bright clothes, sweaty people,
all hyped on stimulants.
Still carrying on conversations
even though they’re out of breath &
have a 180+ heart rate.
Plus the occasional terriotrial dispute.

5 12 2010
Pipergirl

I’m trying to recover from yesterday’s double dose of Boganity – my local town’s Christmas pageant featured a float for the local Pole Dancing club! Oh yes, there’s nothing better at a family event than women in naughty Santa’s helper outfits handing out lollies and club fliers to children!

Then I had to try and drive through Adelaide in the aftermath of Stereosonic – stuck in traffic reduced to a crawl (because ya just walk across the road and call the driver a c**t if they look annoyed) I created my Bogan Bingo.

I thought I’d clean up having spotted three stretch hummers, but I lost because surprise of surprises, there wasn’t a single Aussie flag cape to be seen! Are they all tucked away in Space Bags for the Big Day Out?

5 12 2010
5 12 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubby and Edna live from a donga at Ceduna (we’re pretending we’ve Gone To The Mines. Mick understands)
Today we crossed the Nullarbor and bought a cheesy sticker to commemorate it. But that’s not important right now.
Last night in an alleged motel room in God Knows Where we saw something possibly EVEN WORSE than Celebrity for a Day.
I was just stepping in and out of the shower and admiring myself in a large mirror at the other end of the alleged en-suite bathroom when I heard a loud thud and muted sobbing from the bedroom. Bursting naked into the room in what I assumed was a Manly and Threating (though still slightly erotic) pose, I found my beloved collapsed on the floor at the foot of the alleged double bed. She was almost catatonic, but managed to point weakly in the direction of the television. I turned my head to look and was almost overcome myself, if not for our beloved Bully pup distracting me by licking my nuts I too may hae been struck down!
She’s really growing into a fine dog.
But that’s not important right now. There on the screen was some tuneless bimbo caterwauling the lyrics of an old John Farnham standard. Karaoke style, the lyrics were scrolling up the screen of he television but selected words were removed and it appeared the object was for the poor deluded bimbo to fill in the missing words whilst giving the impression of “Singing Along”. Now I am an astute Cat, and it was immediately apparent to me that this whole vile production was, in fact, some new sort of “Game Show”!!! When the bimbo had finished a whole crowd of other bimbos applauded and cheered and some vacuous idiot with a microphone wheeled out Vince Sorrentti!
Pausing only to let the dog finish with my nuts and to admire myself in the bedroom mirror, I dived for the power cord and tore it from the outlet and then revived Edna from her torpid stupor with gentle nuzzling at her earlobes.
Fortunately we were able to soothe our bleeding eyes with an old Attenborough documentary on the lap top and our wounded spirits with a generous libation of Tanqueray No 10 and no-one was seriously injured.
Surely this is the Nadir?
Whatever that means.

6 12 2010
London Chav

‘loosing’ the World Cup is a bonus it seems…
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/02/why-losing-the-world-cup-bid-is-a-big-win-a-guest-post/

not that bogues would give a shit..

7 12 2010
right and proud

“Winning anything, really, so long as it doesn’t involve the bogan itself competing for the thing that it wants to win. Rather, the bogan will hunt around and attach itself to other groups or individuals it believes likely to win and/or considers representative of it, then loudly proclaim its support for this thing.”

– Explains why so many people worldwide follow Manchester United and, more recently, Chel$ki.

7 12 2010
James Hunter

So thats it ! Tha explains whyy so many people still follow the Liberals and the Nationals !!
‘course there had to be a reason, well doesnt there ?

20 12 2010
24 12 2010
LLP

Bogan football (soccer) fans really care more about their EPL teams and hating Italy, Serbia and Uruguay than Aus football and how it develops.
The fortunes of Liverpool and Tottenham mainly seem to take importance.
Hating countries and communities that have contributed to Aus society and being good little colonials.
Typical Aussies.

25 12 2010
wut

Do you know what you are talking about in the slightest LLP?

27 12 2010
LLP

Do you know?
Follow football? See how Aussie football fans are and who they support?
Looks like you dont.

26 10 2015
Jimmy

So Qatar is still happening? That’s kinda depressing.

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