#197 – Bonus Friday Post: Toolies

26 11 2010

Seeing as the venerable Schoolies Week ends tomorrow, this seems fitting. We haven’t even had time to discuss Warnie’s new show. The bogan surge is never-ending.

Schoolies Week began in Queensland almost 40 years ago, and has become Australia’s closest approximation of “Spring Break” in the United States. Schoolies is now a truly national phenomenon, a migration of tens of thousands of young Australians to coastal regions for 168 hours of binge drinking, sunburn, and dodgy sexual antics. For many of the attendees, it’s their first real opportunity as an adult to get truly maxtreme. Some of these people grow out of their maxtremity months or years later, others do not. Indeed, it’s often too early in the piece to determine whether or not a schoolies attendee will go on to be a lifelong bogan.

But like blowflies to a particularly succulent turd, this event for 17 and 18 year olds also attracts older, card-carrying bogans. For wherever large numbers of young, drunk Australians gather to be maxtreme, you will find the bogan. “Toolies”, as they are known, can be as old as their early 30s, seeking to impress rookie bogans with their advanced levels of tribal tattooing, shinier vehicles, and superior access to last year’s designer drug. Indeed, Schoolies Week fills an important gap in the bogan calendar, following on from the footy trip and Melbourne Cup Day, but prior to New Years Eve and Australia Day. The Toolie is often a local resident to the Schoolies venue in question, and one whose concept of achievement has completely failed to evolve since it itself was in high school. In a bogan-declared incident of political correctness going mad, around 500 Toolies have been arrested in Surfers Paradise in the past two years. All of them were bogans.

The Toolie bogan generally commences its day in the mid afternoon, forming a small pack with other Toolies, and driving to the café strip near the foreshore. The Toolie will drive past the same set of outdoor tables approximately 15 times whilst playing its Ministry of Sound preliminary mating call at spoiler-rattling levels. Its reconnaissance complete, it will park its car in a foreshore carpark, and spend the time until dusk variously leaning on its vehicle’s bonnet, or strutting nearby.

It is not known what the Toolie does between dusk and 11pm. Shortly before midnight, the Toolie pack re-emerges onto the scene, moderately intoxicated, and efficiently scanning the foreshore for a cluster of drunk 18 year old females who do not already have other Toolies hovering. The Toolie pack will spend the next two to five hours ensuring that it is more maxtreme than any of the genuine Schoolies, and therefore highly suitable for impromptu coitus.

If a Toolie is able to avoid fists, the police, and unconsciousness for the evening, it will employ the skill that it hones on Melbourne Cup Day – intercepting a nubile (and younger, in this instance) female during the narrow, morally murky time window between “hammered” and “will press rape charges”. If this quest is unsuccessful, the evening will end with the Toolie performing the stranger on itself prior to passing out alone in its bed. It will then wake in the early afternoon and form a small pack with other Toolies, driving to the café strip near the foreshore. And for any Toolie bogan who doesn’t meet its self-set KPIs for the week, well, there’s always next year.


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165 responses

26 11 2010
RobertL

“a particularly succulent turd” – fantastic stuff. Love your work, TBL.

26 11 2010
GoldCoaster

Urrrrrgh yes, I have the dubious distinction of living at the schoolies’ mecca and having grown up in this city. There are bogans, bogans everywhere! It’s skanks and their male equivalents in tight shorts as far as the eye can see. And girls wearing clothes that are way too tight for their chubby bodies, ie sausages shoved into cheerio skins. There are boys with rattails, boys with tats, and P plated cars from NSW filled with these grotesque tadpoles. It’s the ultimate training ground/rite of passage for the boguelets of Australia.

As a Gold Coaster from the age of 5, ie I was educated and grew up here, I’m proud to say I never went to my own schoolies. Even back then before I’d even heard the word bogan, I had a consciousness that I just didn’t fit in with that crowd or take any interest in its little games.

I forgot that all the southerners are 18 when they finish high school, unlike the 17 year old queenslanders: and just yesterday I was wondering how all these 17 year old boguelets could buy alcohol. It’s the southerners, damn it!

Do you know that many hotels in Surfers will no longer rent rooms to schoolies? Or that some charge a $1500 dollar bond for the week? They are trying to bogan-proof themselves, but what will they do when the majority of the world becomes Bogan?

26 11 2010
accidental

Not all NSW high school finishers are 18. I was 17 when I finished high school 8 years ago, as were about half the other people in my grade.

26 11 2010
p'bee

i was 17 too, but i think it will get less common because more parents seem to hold their kids back from starting school until they’ve turned 5. i actually demanded to start school at 4 and probably would have driven my mum mad had i stayed home another year.

26 11 2010
Shirley

It all depends on when your birthday is. I think if you’re born after July, you start when your 5. If your birthday is before July you may start at 4.

26 11 2010
p'bee

yes, but less kids with january-july birthdays are starting at age 4 now. there’s this idea that younger kids will be ‘left behind’ by their older classmates, so kids are held back so that they can be the older kids in the class. as a july birthday who started at age 4, though, it was great for me, because i was ready for school.

26 11 2010
Shirley

I have a May birthday and started at 4. Kind of sucked not turning 18 until half way through my first year of uni though.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

End of December child here. My class mates were dropping out in year 10 to work on the farm and I was only 14.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Likewise I stared College as a 17 y old who looked 15. Luckily I went an Ag college with on campus bar with an extremely loose interpretation of legal drinking age and lots of keg parties. How I graduated is anyones guess.

26 11 2010
Shirley

We had a great many college ‘functions’ (read: keg and rocket fuel parties) too, so it wasn’t that bad. The local bottle shop thrived on student patronage so never carded anyone, just in case they missed a sale. I only really cared about missing bands at the Uni bar.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Being an Ag College we had an endless procession of Chisel and Angels cover bands. One day we had Austentatsus. You can imagine how well that went with a groups of 17-21 y old country people slaughtered on beer, rum and ouzo. Probably Austen’s shortest set ever. He called us all c*nts as the third rubbish bin sailed onto stage and the cries for play some farkin Chisel got louder.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

We always has Spy v Spy and an REM cover band at our uni, due to cheap jugs of beer being consumed all afternoon and copious amounts of rangy leaf being smoked breakfast onward, I never made it to their gigs though.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I would have loved to have the Spy’s. Those boys knew how to put on a loud show.

26 11 2010
SD

I briefly attended an awful uni in a small town in India before being whisked away by concerned parents. Anyway they had “home brewed” liquor there (known as country liquor) with vile virulent colours and the bottles were ordered on the basis of colour – yellow, orange, mint and coffee. This was all we could afford (a bottle was 10 Rs aka 30 cents) and the “bar” had tables covered with cheap formica. Many sessions later one of our party spilled some liquor on the table and the table started peeling and discolouring before our eyes. Maybe it was just far too much liquor at work but I haven’t consumed any licit or illicit intoxicants since.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

One of my friends “discovered” a supply of Sweet Medium Dry Sherry, this seemed to have about the same effect if spilt on furniture or bowels.

26 11 2010
Shirley

Sweet medium dry sherry? WTF IS that?

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It comes in flagons, is made by Mc Williams and even if you have no money and are desperate you still would not drink it. It causes dementia, shifts in the earths magnetic field and abortions.

26 11 2010
SD

Sounds just like country liquor. But without the “protective” effects of butter chicken.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, we would eat a lamb kebab instead. Equally ruinous for the bowels.

26 11 2010
Tombarina

That sounds horribly familiar. I’m quite serious – my ag-college-grad brother (read: three years of rum’n’rugby, with honours in circlework and nudie-dashing) tells a similar tale.

Any clues as to which esteemed hall of farm learning to which you refer?

26 11 2010
Tombarina

sorry – earlier post was re SGAA’s comment.

Stupid reply function. Stupid Tomba for not checking first….

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I went to Roseworthy in SA.

26 11 2010
Tombarina

Poor old ‘Tayshus had a bad run, then – I gather something very similar occurred to him at Gatton Ag (home of the mighty Bush Pigs – says it all, really….)

26 11 2010
albert

I worked as a bartender in Tennant Creek about 10 years ago and Austen in fact did his shortest set ever there!
The pub hadn’t advertised the gig, and there was only three people in the bar that night – three people who has absolutely no interest in listening to Austen’s gig.
He starts up and the three patrons start telling him to piss off, shut up and heckling him.
While I felt a bit sorry for Austen, having spoken to him earlier and seeing what a wanker he was (really arrogant but kind of hopeless in a ‘The Wrestler” kind of way) it was sort of funny too.
Anyway Austen yells back at some old guy in the bar how he’d slept with the old guy’s wife…the old guy responds with how his wife was dead – and rushes the stage and attacks Austen.
Pretty much that was the end of that gig….ah the life of a has been comedian!

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I was 16 at the end of year 12, not because I was a child prodigy, but because my parents couldn’t wait to see the back of me.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I drank like a 25 year old though. No blue Vok, stoens green ginger wine, Nikov or casked fruity leg opener was safe in my presence. Which was hilarious until my liver nearly fell out a few years ago. I’ve since grown a new one.

28 11 2010
StKildaGirl

Thank you for the detailed description of the Gold Coast.
It reminds me why I would never go there.
Enough bogans in Melb anyway.

28 11 2010
StKildaGirl

PS: I was replying to Goldcoaster’s comment, don’t know why my reply eneded up down here!

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I saw on tv last week that New Zealand is trying to lure our junior bogues over with schoolies holiday packages complete with maaaxxtreeme sports/fast boat rides… The gummint should be providing scholarships for them to go. One way tickets only. Only rule, every schoolie must take at least 1 toolie with them.

26 11 2010
GoldCoaster

Heartily agreed!!

26 06 2014
franz chong

I didn’t know that.I thought with the exception of Adelaide they all did Queensland or Bali although I did see advertised at the STA Travel Marion recently a flyer for Club Med for School Leavers.I wonder how many South Australians will take that up instead of their usual Victor Harbor event.

26 11 2010
Shirley

‘…during the narrow, morally murky time window between “hammered” and “will press rape charges”’

What a f*cking sentence. Good show.

26 11 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Indeed. I am beginning to suspect that one or more members of TBL has a higher degree in the Classics…

9 12 2010
rilla

LOL. hons art history prolly 🙂

26 11 2010
hel

I agree Shirley, thats gold

26 11 2010
Brimstone

have you seen Piranha 3D? has a whole pack of Spring Break assholes getting eaten

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Best movie of the year! Bulimic knob eating piranhas!!

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Welcome back Viv, See previous post and please submit your movie list.

26 11 2010
hel

movie list? what did I miss?

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

See previous post and please contribute Hel.

26 11 2010
p'bee

you also missed the glory that is the best/worst album cover of all time, ken’s by request only so here it is again: http://i285.photobucket.com/albums/ll45/neverrmindd12/kenbyrequestonly.jpg

26 11 2010
26 11 2010
26 11 2010
Bill

Hipsters have terrible artwork as well as evidenced by Ariel Pink’s haunted graffiti.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Oh dear, she should be savagely beaten for that.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Repeatedly.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

It looks like it was drawn by the girl at school who was proudly going to marry her horse in year 7/8

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Her body parts scattered to the ends of the earth.

26 11 2010
Bill

Correction: It’s a he.
Yup.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

F*ck, that is even more tragic. I sort of feel sorry for him except not really. I would push a hot poker up his nose to both cauterise and lobotomise.

28 11 2010
StKildaGirl

Bill, that is effing disgusting!

26 11 2010
Shirley

I own Ripsnorter. Brilliant.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

So do I! And I’m trying to get another copy of Full Boar which I lost along the way – it has that Space Invaders song on it which I need to own on vinyl again.

26 11 2010
Shirley

Full Boar is in my Dad’s record collection, so someday it will be mine.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I should check my dad’s next time I am home – I wouldn’t be surprised. Though it may his copy that I lost…. I did find Plastic Bertrand’s album in his collection, tucked away amongst all the Beatles, Beach Boys, Linda Ronstadt and other crapola.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl has stopped biting on The Beatles Viv. I sent a cracker to her on The Beatles and U2 the other day and she let it go through to the keeper. Remember when Shirl was fun?

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Maybe she has seen the truth at last.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Could be.

26 11 2010
Shirley

I see what you two are doing.

You have both been removed from my christmas card list.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Should we discuss bums instead?

26 11 2010
Shirley

At least we can all agree on bums.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

So John Lennon had a pretty saggy bum huh?

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I don’t want to talk about that lazy bum….

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bumty bum bum
bumty bum bum

*to the tune of Helter Skelter*

28 11 2010
XXX

I find this quite disturbing.

26 11 2010
SD

That girl with a cat gravatar appeared as a huge poster in one of Frankie magazine’s offerings-I now think of it as the Viv poster.

Please keep updating your site with imaginary boguette conversations, none of us can do it as well.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Time is of the essence, I have been busy at work lately, will get back to it soon. You all should try though, it’s therapeutic!

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

The girl with cat picture is a photo of a framed print I have on the spare bedroom wall, much to Mr Viv’s dismay

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I did think of painting a naquib on her, just little letterbox eyes and a kitten against a frill pink background. But I dont have mad painting skillz….

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Burkah, not naquib. I think? fridayitis

26 11 2010
SD

Naqaab is a veil that leaves your eyes open. It can even be transparent.

The hijab is the one that covers the head, the burqa is all enveloping.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

SD, thanks for the refresher! I was close, but no cigar for me today today….Ooh and SD, I think you would like this. Its a Chap Hop call to arms from Professor Elemental to Mr B.

26 11 2010
SD

Thanks-awesome!

26 11 2010
SD

LOL!

The Mr of the girl who had the poster also seemed a bit dismayed:-)

I like it. Goes with the whole vintage vibe.

27 11 2010
v'visexxxion

More boguette conversations added to blog today – just for you SD. Be kind, it was hastily conceived and written..

28 11 2010
SD

Reply fn seems stuffed but here goes. Good work Viv. The genius lies in that it could be a NIDA short film or one aimed at bogans, the latter starring Rebel Wilson as the phone girl of course!

BTW Vera Goldwyn seems scarily accurate.

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Cheers SD, I do love to write about people who totally lack self awareness yet confidently parade themselves for the world to judge without inhibition… I’ve only known a few, but they are a rich vein to tap!

28 11 2010
SD

Keep mining the vein!

Sh’riah reminded me of this movie!

http://www.moviecritic.com.au/her-whole-life-ahead-tutta-la-vita-davanti-film-movie-review/

26 11 2010
Shirley

I’ve just been inspecting your blog Viv. I’ll compose some haiku for you later.

26 11 2010
laurenbee

The Schoolies are mostly just stupid kids, but the Toolies really bother me.

Why go out with the sole purpose of invading & ruining someone elses good time?

Bloody Bogan Ruiners….

26 11 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

You dont understand the bogan toolie. The thought that they might be ruining the event never once enters their mind. In fact, they are convinced that the event needs them, like as if some promoter called their agent, begged them to come up and he finally relented. He is needed at schoolies to protect the weak girls, to intimidate and be loved by the weak boys and to tell the coppers “nah, its all good here – I’ve got this one”. The toolie leaves the fringe of the party as a hero and knows that next year – he and his tattoos will be needed even more.

28 11 2010
XXX

Nailed it!

25 06 2014
franz chong

Don’t get me started on what a Toolie Is.I have been down that road before.Three things You don’t take on a School Leavers week even a belated one of some type are your Uncle,Auntie and Female Cousin.It bothers me to this day.Invaded and Ruined a perfectly good holiday for me I won’t even go into details about what they did.

26 11 2010
martin

I was a toolie. I had to go back again when I was 19 because I didn’t get none the first time. The most interesting thing I did the first time was that I dumped acid.

26 11 2010
Brimstone

yeah… i can, hypothetically, see the attraction…. especially if you were, hypothetically, not that popular with girls growing up

26 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

That’s the sole idea I went with my mates – I figured that if I couldn’t get laid at Schoolies, I couldn’t get laid anywhere.

Unfortunately, all the drugs have pretty much removed that week from my memory, although friends assert that I did indeed stick my nether regions inside some boguette’s private parts while she was as intoxicated as I was.

28 11 2010
StKildaGirl

Ash, you are a true romantic.

28 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

What can I say. I’m flattered.

26 11 2010
bogansgivekidsmullets

When I worked in Comms at the Dept of Communities in QLD, they had another word for the even older toolie, the ‘foolie’. They are men in their forties and fifties that hang around this event too, yes it is true, bogans never die, they just grow old…

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Are there Droolies? – senior citizens and cougars on the prowl….. I hope so.

26 11 2010
bogansgivekidsmullets

ha ha!

26 11 2010
brad

I think there is Toolies,foolies and droolies as there are milfs,gilfs and even ggilfs- hope this clarifys things somewhat.

26 06 2014
franz chong

Watch an episode of Cougar Town and you’ll find your answer.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did the Toolies go out Wednesday night or were they at home watching Warnie?

26 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Schoolies hit the coast
Toolies hit on the Schoolies
Foolies hit themselves

26 11 2010
Shirley

An educational haiku for all the toolies out there:

Um, ‘rite of passage’
does not mean violating
a virgin’s passage.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A toolie patrols
Dreams sweet anal penetration
The police step in

26 11 2010
Shirley

Reflections of a Toolie:

I’ll hold her hair back
while she spews. She’ll repay me
with one twenty four.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That, is funny.

A Toolie Weeps

That F*cking school girl
She played me for a fool
Have to grab a granny

26 11 2010
Pandabater

So very hungry
colonoscopy today
dreaming of T-bone

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/11/inflatable-fred/

I had to post this link of a toolie and his grandma.

26 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Oh Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Here’s a clip showing the Inception of all Thanksgiving meals…

26 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

I remember the Toolies from my Schoolies week. Not very well, though – my mind is kind of hazy. I needed something to dull the sound of shit music and screaming carnts – a lot of beer and drugs did it (and I don’t mean last year’s designer drug – I mean acid and mescaline).

26 11 2010
Edward

I went down to Yallingup in 1986, unfortunately I didn’t know the word ‘bogan’ at the time, despite being surrounded by them. As another poster has previously mentioned , if they called themselves anything, it was ‘rocks’.

I accept that during leavers week, anyone who doesn’t have a good reason to be there should stay away, and wouldn’t consider doing otherwise. There are occasions which exist solely for the purposes of those who are a part of the event.

This causes me to ask, is there such a thing as a toolie who isn’t a bogan ? Some other socially regrettable species ? I ask because I have no idea, but I am curious.

26 11 2010
GoldCoaster

No, taking advantage of intoxicated teenage girls and trying to win the admiration of teenage boys would be a distinctly bogan thing. Surfer’s Paradise draws bogans. Pure and simple.

26 11 2010
GoldCoaster

It’s the most maxxxxxtreme place to go, so bogans flock like crows to a bloated carcass.

26 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

To be honest, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the first should the opportunity come along when I’m in my 20s and 30s – but I definitely won’t bother with the second.

I’m going to read some Charles Bukowski now to wash that bogan admission out of me.

30 11 2010
GoldCoaster

Hm, I’m sure that’s rape if they’re passed out or too blotto to consent.

26 06 2014
franz chong

Didn’t know that.That Rules out the Gold Coast for me.I don’t know what I was thinking doing a trip there due to those September 11 attacks my family wanting me to have a safe holiday.I would have paid to go to Malaysia instead.

26 11 2010
Aimee

To me this list is skewed, and has a whole lot of things that aren’t really that much to do with bogans, their mentality and culture.

To me the main bogan things are as follows;

Poorly educated
high school drop out/poor marks at high school
having babies young and lots of them
spending big on luxury items, rather than saving with just necessities
having a mentality of needing the biggest, best, newest item on the market
wanting it means having it now, at all costs
saving is a foreign thing to a bogan
university is almost always an alien thing to a bogan

Being a bogan generally means having a lack of foresight, and believing they deserve the best of everything, no matter the cost.

26 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It would help if you read all of this first.

26 11 2010
martin

Bogan’s aren’t just the stereotypical ones. For instance I like U2 and The Beatles which makes me a bit of a bogan. Or even a lot of a bogan. 🙂

To put a broader definition on what a bogan is it would mean for instance having elements of liking things that are hypocritical in nature, such as Bono’s hypocrisy in being filthy rich, avoiding paying tax in Ireland, yet preaching about saving the world. Personally I don’t think it is that great a hypocrisy because being as successful a band as U2 means he’s famous as hell and needs every cent to protect himself and his family from the masses. If you see what happened to George Harrison when that guy broke into is house and stabbed him I think it’s a reasonable point. But other’s seem to disagree quite strongly and I can respect that.

30 11 2010
GoldCoaster

That whole “world owes me a living” mentality seems to be common, as well as that myopic worldview. Add to your list that doing what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it- mindless conformity- is pretty bogan. I also think having bad taste is bogan.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Just in, had 4 not-hot tradies come in to the building to look at the roof. One young bogue (job = ladder carrying, income approx$230,000) has not 1 southern cross tatt, but 2!! One on the arm and one on the legs. Talking about team with the theme!

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

And just now I walked into the waiting room at work and see a patient drinking directly out of a cask wine goon bladder, on the couch, in front of the kids corner. Clarse. Fark me.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

is it inappropriate to ask for a swill? I need it.

26 11 2010
SD

Not at all.

Too bad they are non-hot. The only good tradie is a hot one.

26 11 2010
Tone

I thought that hot roofing tradies died out when the Home Insulation Program did.

26 11 2010
Barbara

Didn’t know that they were called Toolies, but they fit the description of the type of drunks and louts roaming suburban streets lately.
When I was in Oatley with my real estate agent one Friday evening, at about 6 pm, we saw two cars of ‘Toolies’ drive past who yelled and screamed obscenities at us and everyone else in the street. Earlier on, a smaller group of them walked past the office and as we sat there with the front door open one of them walked up to the door, lifted up his bottle of beer, yelled out something which we didn’t understand, turned around and pulled down his pants. Who knows what all that was about but he came back a bit later to yell out that Oatley was crap, to which the wich the real estate agent replied “Well leave then”. I suppose we were lucky he didn’t get violent.

26 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

They were just garden variety bogans.

Toolies are the special kind that hang out around Surfers Paradise/Byron Bay/other Schoolies hotspots during the event.

Me, I’m just pissed I’m gonna be out of the country this next week. I always enjoy the “SCHOOLIES OUT OF CONTROL!” headlines that dominate the trashmedia during this time and all the tough-talking pollies.

26 11 2010
p'bee

just heard an ad for channel nein’s saturday lineup – not only is there laughtrack home videos and hey hey it’s lobotomy day, there’s a ‘celebration’ of nein’s melbourne studios. for two hours.

26 11 2010
Tombarina

Two hours? What, it’s in slo-mo?

And yet there’ll be muppets and nuffies who’ll have Sat night pencilled in as “must watch” TV. I really hope their 3D home cinema thingie falls on them.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I saw ACA had a special 9 studios tour with tracey grimshaw – no doubt two hours of Graham Kennedy hilarity and repeats of the same 20 mins of footage they forgot to throw out during the day.

26 11 2010
p'bee

i’m sure there’ll be a montage of changes to the studios over the years – the different colour backdrops, the hey hey desk in a slightly different spot, all of those zany memories.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

See Bert and PAtty raising their delinquent wife beater on camera…

See Kerri-Annes tuts get frecklier and more leathery over teh years

Find out how many outfitss Jeannie Little can make out of a chux and bin liner…

It’ll be just like the logies, but without a purpose.

26 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Tits, not tuts….

27 11 2010
Chairman Miaow

altho tuts has a certain ring about it.

Indeed, I shall be whipping it (them) out on every occasion. Muchabliged Viv. Nice work on the blog btw.

27 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I imagine New Zealand lasses would have tuts.

27 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m also thinking as well as Rebecca /gibney that Tunnel Kunt has tuts

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Tunnel Kunt starring in the Curse of King Tut’s Tutties. Whoever raids her tomb will die!

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That sounds choice eh bru.

6 12 2010
Danny

There are literally tears running down my face, I’m laughing so much at this thread.

28 11 2010
StKildaGirl

I wish the whole Newton family would just disappear. Can’t stand Bert (head like a busted arse) the mother, (old turkey) or the daughter (younger more bogan version of old turkey)

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Maybe they’ll get left behind in the old nein studios. Now is the time for Nine to lose track of a few of the old nags left in their somewhat diminished celebrity stables.

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is that a cue for a Sarah Jessica P

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My reply is all wrong today.

Here is the rest

arker joke?

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Neiigggghhh, but it can be.

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A horse walks into a bar…….

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Did you see this in the papers. Classic. “My V@gina has something to say”.

http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/movies/sex-and-the-city-2-carrie-on-capitalising-20101126-189g2.html

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That is gold Viv. Must shuffle off to work now.

26 11 2010
Tone

Is it time to start running a book on which topic we think will be the subject of Blog #200? I’m backing ‘My Family Stickers’ for this prestigious honour, as they are clearly the progeny of two of the all time TBL classics: The Frangipani Sticker and the ‘Fuck Off We’re Full’ sticker.

Ha, we just decided on this about 4 hours ago, after realising it was coming really soon. Looking forward to writing this one! TBL

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I am voting for Harley Davidson escort with your wedding car party. Certainly a bogan phenomenon that is on the rise here in Adelaide/

28 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Driven by an investment banker who got too carried away in his Ned Kelly fantasiesduring last Movember and since decided to capitalise on his hard as cement new look and the sudden discounts available at Ed Hardy outlets…

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I saw one yesterday. 5 Harleys escorting no less than 7 Monaros (1970’s version) They all looked a bit old school bogan to me on this occasion.

29 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Old school, unmolested (i.e. original spec) HQ/HJ/HX Monaros are totally cool, if only in a typically gaudy 70s way. The one that was stranded with its front wheels dangling precariously off the edge of the Tasman Bridge in January 1975 after a shipping accident—a dark green 1974 HQ GTS coupé, of which the original owners still have in their possession in mint condition— is a fine example. Muscle car cool that both car collectors and old-school bogues can dig, but still too subtle for a nu-skool bogan.

On the other hand, the early examples that have been hotted-up, or new-gen versions with a (non-original) liquorice-strap tyre-polished wheel combo are maxxtreme bogan chariots of choice.

1 12 2010
GoldCoaster

Yes!!! I vote for “My Family” stickers!!

4 02 2011
XXX

“My Family” stickers are on just about every car in Boronia now. Every time I see them I get a surge of blood to the head. I really don’t care how many people there are in your family and how many dogs and cats you have. It isn’t cute. It isn’t clever. It reminds me of the red nose phenomenon of yonks ago when every second car had a red nose attached and some people wouldn’t remove them even when red nose day had finished months prior.

26 11 2010
Chairman Miaow

… and in a lovely moment of serendipity a movie I should have put in last night’s list starts on SBS 2 in 30… Fitzcarraldo . If you’ve nothing better to do on a Friday night, this is your deal.

26 11 2010
Pandabater

Or Blazing Saddles, both classy I’m sure.

26 11 2010
Stapler

Both classics, i’m positive.

27 11 2010
Tone

Brilliant! Brilliant!

26 11 2010
Maggie

The bogans are never going to “get” Klaus Kinski, at any level. Not even in ‘Nosferatu’. What am I talking about!?! – least of all in Nosferatu.

Was there a ‘best movies’ riff back there somewhere on this or another thread? ‘The Third Man’ and ‘The Tin Drum’ are on my list. These and certain other Germanic classics are probably bogan proof.
That’s not why I like them but it certainly helps that they haven’t been co-opted to some brain dead end. I s’pose Neo-Nazism is just a bit too maxtreme for your average herd animal.

27 11 2010
Edward

I don’t know, some of them might appreciate Aguirre, from an ultra-violence point of view. I still flash on the image of the ship stranded up in a tree by flooding, so memorable was the scene. And the one of a conquistador struck in the cheek by an arrow as he waded across a river.

27 11 2010
Chairman Miaow

See somewhere near the end of Farewell Tours maggie.

26 11 2010
chris

Meh. Anything that gets both schoolies and toolies together in the same tacky seaside dive as far away from chez chris gets my yes. Now all I need is a C130 and a big ole MOAB to kick out the back, but shucks, wishing won’t make it happen.

27 11 2010
spewy

I saw a Bongo van the other day during what they call leavers in WA with ‘pedo bus’ painted on the side and some comment on the back like ‘you want a lift we want a root’. Charming.

28 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Whilst cycling this morning I spied a Vietnamese restaurant simply called A Dong! Genius.

28 11 2010
brad

i had yum cha at one in Spring Street Melbourne its called Hung

i saw one this

28 11 2010
brad

I had yum cha at one in Spring Street Melbourne its called Hung

29 11 2010
Pendant

Gettin’ some p srs TBL withdrawls here, jt sayin

29 11 2010
p'bee

https://thingsboganslike.com/2010/11/29/a-public-appeal-to-richard-wilkins/
not a numbered entry, but still an entry for today.

30 11 2010
chubbybloodfart

schoolies
that explains it.
we thought it was Fresh Young Whores Week at Dunsborough.

2 01 2011
Damien

go to the coast and you”ll find toolies all year round.

12 05 2011
franz chong

Toolies are those people mostly men who are too old to attend schoolies.I didn’t get the chance to attend due to being close to a year too old at the time I finished high school back in 1996 so went straight into the workforce and just over a year later compensated for that with a week in Singapore.Only one serious issue there went wrong The presence of the three things you don’t take to a Schoolies week with you Your Uncle,Auntie and Cousin otherwise spoilt a great holiday.

25 11 2012
franz chong

This is most interesting.My Eldest Cousins didn’t have a Schoolies Week as they Graduated High School in the late 80’s and it was straight to work.It’s mostly Nineties Kids that had these events.Instead One Year after The Girl Cousin Graduated they all did a family trip to Europe and America.Needless to say the memories and experiences will last a lifetime.The Year After She went to Europe with a Friend having worked with in my Aunties Business and doing University since graduating from Wilderness in 1986.They all now live split between Hong Kong,Beijing and Sydney.

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