#191 – Angus Beef

8 11 2010

To the modern bogan’s ancestors, the mention of the word Angus was likely trigger a mental image of a small man dressed as an underage boy, grinding out blues-infused Oz rock. But to the Young Modern bogan, Angus means so much more.  Despite often being the beneficiary of a comfortable suburban upbringing, the bogan instinctively knows a lot about agriculture. It knows that lamb is Australia’s finest native animal for eating on Australia Day, it knows that it once joined a facebook group about mountain cattlemen or John Brumby or something, and lately it also knows that Angus beef is the best beef by heaps.

Angus Young was developed in Scotland and exported to Australia in order to fleece money from the bogan, and Angus beef has followed an identical path. Longtime bogan sustenance vendors McDonald’s and Hungry Jacks, in partnership with industry lobby group Certified Australian Angus Beef Pty Ltd, have managed to convince the bogan that the breed of a cow is the only thing that influences the taste of beef (with the possible exception of putting flame grill markings on it). While non-biased meat experts will tell you that the age, diet, and condition of a cow is much more relevant to how its meat will taste, the hungry bogan has no time for listening to these ivory tower academic intellectual arseholes.

In August 2009, McDonald’s launched two different Angus burgers at a 30% price premium to its standard beef burger fare, and mounted a $10 million advertising campaign informing the bogan that it should purchase something “a little bit fancy” containing 35.7 grams of fat. The bogan, by then accustomed to the fanciness of the plastic sparkling dragon-tiger thing on its Ed Hardy t-shirt, needed little convincing in order to incorporate additional fanciness into its life. A month later, total beef sales at McDonald’s were up by around 20%.

Witnessing this impressive new method of creating value in the mind of the bogan, Hungry Jack’s was predictably not far behind. In November 2009, they launched their own Angus range, also at a hefty price premium to the normal range. Don’t let it be said that Hungry Jack’s was merely imitating, because the company incorporated two additional bogan-catnip factors. First was the proven bogan truism that more is always more. In addition to a single patty option there was a double Angus option, so that the bogan could take it to the max. Second, in case the max wasn’t quite max enough, the burger was called the Angry Angus, featuring “angry onions” and 56.5 grams of fat. The bogan loves being angry, and will unflinchingly pay whatever it takes in order to demonstrate its ability to conquer things that also claim to be angry.

After the initial flurry for newly-unlocked additional bogan bucks, the burger chains have once again found themselves in an uneasy deadlock with each other. It is understood that Hungry Jack’s is currently employing structural engineers to discover whether they can advance beyond their Quad Stack (71 grams of fat, and available with diet coke) burger of 2008, while McDonald’s is rumoured to be attempting to source a reliable supply of pythons for its forthcoming Snake Oil Max Burger.


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333 responses

8 11 2010
RobertL

I’m not sure, but I heard that there has always been beef from the Angus breed in these burgers. So the only difference now is in the marketing.

I think maybe that the comedy Scottish accent appeals to the bogue in some way as well.

8 11 2010
Shirley

My grandparents have been farming Angus cattle for a long time. I am very pleased they are making some coin out of the bogans, and hardening their arteries at the same time.

8 11 2010
weshead

pork roll, egg and cheese on a kaiser bun – that’s my usual diet

8 11 2010
Shirley

I see what you did there. 🙂

8 11 2010
1/4 cast Bogue

I don’t 😦 What happened? Is this some sort of hipster courting ritual?

8 11 2010
Sten

Love the avatar, Shirley. All hail The Boognish!

8 11 2010
Shirley

Thats Sten! All hail indeed.

8 11 2010
Shirley

Ahhh, that should be ‘thanks Sten’.

8 11 2010
Sten

My pleasure, Shirley.

8 11 2010
Jacqui

I haven’t laughed this much in a long time! I’m paying a visit to the bookshop tomorrow.

8 11 2010
Boganista

Angus for more grunt

8 11 2010
amr

Or more gunt for the femme bogue.

8 11 2010
vivisection

Shirley, how did you change you picture? I think bogans are also obsessed with Wagyu beef, I have family members who buy it off some guy who sells it off the back of a truck, they still pay a fortune for it, still burn it to a crisp, but feel uppity because it’s “Wagyu”, a word they like. No doubt it’s locally produced, foreign label beef….

8 11 2010
Shirley

On Turnips advice, I signed up for a WordPress account to avoid having to type my name and email every time I posted. Once you have an account you can choose your own avatar.

You’re pretty much right on the Wagyu thing. Wagyu cattle are used to create Kobe beef. Kobe beef is kind of like the champagne of the beef world. It must come from Kobe, where the cattle are raised in a very particular way under strict guidelines to produce superior quality beef. Because of the association, Wagyu is now sold at inflated prices, despite the quality being far lower compared to true Kobe beef.

8 11 2010
pablo

@Shirley… not to mention the phenomenon of wagyu ‘burgers’;

Obviously, the marbling and presence of more fat within the meat = great for keeping a whole steak tender and juicy but mince that shit up with some herbs and/or spices to make a wagyu burger and you’ll more or less get the same result with Coles’ 3-star mince (which has a higher fat/meat ratio) at around 10% of the cost.

Prediction. By 2012, both Maccas and HJ’s will pump out a wagyu burger (51% wagyu/49% Angus) for a $15 ‘experience’ that the bogan will be more than pleased to part with his hard-earned. Mind you, they’d probably fuck it up and put teriyaki sauce on it because it’s Jap food.

8 11 2010
JimmmyMick

That would be a “Wangus” burger?

8 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Certainly right Jimmy M, a friend of mines parents own a Wangus farm just outside of Golburn. Well, it was Angus and Waygu cows, but I just put the two together and made it a Wangus Weekend when I went to stay for a weekend. And to top it off, they’ve got section of farm cordoned off for growing truffles where you have to get through the bull pen in order to access it…talk about a security feature…disappointingly no truffle hunting pigs though…

8 11 2010
Brimstone

isn’t Waygu actually better though?
my fave ‘weird’ burger is the Ostrich burger. sooooooooooo good

8 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I couldn’t care for a burger featuring any type of fur, fin or feather. The lips & arseholes component of ground “meat” was one of many degrees that steered me towards vegetarianism nearly four years ago. I don’t miss meat nor any of the health risks associated with excessive meat consumption, of which far too many Australians (read: bogans) put themselves in danger through.

I have no problems with others eating meat, or even preparing it for others to enjoy. However, in saying that, I believe that anyone who has the privilege of eating it should at least for once in their lives participate in the killing, slaughtering and butchering of an animal they wish to eat. Even if it is as humble as catching a fish and then slitting, scaling, gutting and filleting it prior to preparation for human consumption would imbibe a sense of responsibility and gratitude to the living creatures that afford them sustenance, if not having previously being grossed out by the whole process in its Technicolor gory. Nowadays, with fewer folks being so close to the action in the food production cycle and thus so sufficiently removed, many have little appreciation of the whole process involved, thus barely battering an eyelid to the inhumane practices of factory farming, i.e. feeding lots, mutilation, monocultures of livestock and battery farming, all of which are going on right under their noses and tacitly approved by implication, via consuming mass quantities of these franken-foods at artificially lowered prices, via subsidies.

Phew. What a rant. I know my faeces stink too, but my stools are probably more nutritious than their Anus arseburgers.

8 11 2010
SD

BoT I don’t eat meat of any sort so I get where you are coming from.

But I am not sure I want to eat a McDonald veggie burger.

Beacuse it seems to me the entire philosophy of food has changed – e.g. all the veggies here look huge and glossy and feel vaguely Franken (in less developed countries they don’t look like Hollywood versions of vegetables but of course they are still industrially farmed). In so far as possible I avoid Woolies etc. but it’s hard to opt out altogether.

8 11 2010
hel

well with such nutrious stools, you best be the first segment on the Centipede

8 11 2010
brad

BOT -Soylent Green is coming!

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

“Soylent Green is people!”

8 11 2010
Tone

Are you sure that the beef off the back of a truck is really Wagyu, Viv? I didn’t think the typical bogan would go anywhere near ‘jap crap’, even if it is locally made.

8 11 2010
vivisexxxion

Thanks Shirley, I’m trying this out. I had to change my name, as Vivisection was taken, would you believe? I bogued it up a bit 🙂

8 11 2010
p'bee

your new name is fantastic, vivi. it will go well with the various kids of yours we’ve named in recent weeks.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Thanks p’bee, there maybe tweek sto come….And i’m not sure if my photo is flattering??? I look a little orange.

8 11 2010
Shirley

It’s noice.

8 11 2010
p'bee

just the thought of a burger with those sorts of percentages of fat makes me feel sick.

8 11 2010
Tone

There’s a reason why the burger in the picture is coloquially known as the ‘Angry Anus’.

8 11 2010
p'bee

i really didn’t need to be informed of this particular eewiness, tone.

8 11 2010
Shirley

I’d say most of you have seen this, but just in case you missed it:

http://tinyurl.com/35vgd2f

8 11 2010
chris

That’s a cracker, Shirly. Apologies for the Homer Simpson reference: “without all the grease, alI I can taste is the hog anus”.

8 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

If Anus Beef were a dish at the local diner, it’d surely be known as the number one-twenty-four, with special sauce.

8 11 2010
Sten

Where’s Simon? I thought your comment would be right up his alley… he must be busy with his Foods For the Arse project.

8 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry Sten been a bit busy but a receipe idea.

Angry Angus sausage a la Hopoate.

Lose the “g”?

8 11 2010
Sten

Sterling idea there, Simon. Any joke about good ol’ Hoppa is bound to be funny.

8 11 2010
martin

It’s also ‘a little bit fancy’. This appeals to the CUBs right to make a fortune knocking down houses and creating ghettos to sell at an obscene price to all those gooks and curries who are doing all the poofter white collar jobs.

8 11 2010
Nelson Esq

Yep, because they think that splashing out an extra 30% on a burger at McDonalds will make them look really effluent! Ya know, clarsy and all that!

The bogan, thanks to John Travolta in ‘Pulp Fiction’ knows that you can buy beer at McDonald’s in Europe. If the bogue could buy a locally produced foreign beer in a cup with their Angus ‘Royale with Cheese’ in Australia, the trip to Maccas would be perfect!

8 11 2010
martin

Guilty. Whenever I watched that movie, I saw it about 5 times, I always had to go and get a burger!

8 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Remember, despite the fact that Australia had one of the most comprehensive, swift and effective metrification programmes during the mid-1970s and being in everyday use since, the metric system seems to be elusive to the bogue, though they’d honestly have no clue how many centimetres to the inches they wanna lose ’round their love handles, nor how many pounds to the kilogram (or kilos to a stone, for that matter) when they brag about gettin’ towards their fightin’ weight. S’pose it makes ’em sound cool ‘n’ sh¡t to talk like Americans, while the only other countries not to use metric are the transparent beacons of democracy and economic powerhouses of Liberia and Burma.

Another thing, a slight tangent OT, I know: why on Earth do new parents (especially bogues) still insist on displaying their loinfruit’s birth weight in pounds and ounces in the notices? C’mon folks, tells us in dollars-and-cents…when was the last time you functionally used imperial measurements? The last generation of people who learnt that system of measures en masse (i.e. at school) were born in the mid 1960s (metric started to be incorporated in the primary school syllabus around the beginning of the 1970s), they being old enough to now be grandparents themselves!

8 11 2010
Mick

If you ask them for the dollars-and-cents version of their babe-bogue’s weight they’ll invariably answer “5000 bucks”.

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

@ Mick

Heheheheheh! Too much!

8 11 2010
Spoonman

Grrrrr….Pet peeve. Give me Murray Grey or Charolais over common scum Angus any day. Get yourself up to the Riverina – every man and his dog farm bloody Black Angus.

8 11 2010
Nelson Esq

I know of a few farmers who cross-breed Angus bulls over Murray Grey cows…the result tastes quite nice!

8 11 2010
JimC

I’m not proud to admit that I did buy one of the McDonalds burgers when they first came out just to see what the big deal was.

Nothing, as it turns out. The patties are probably still made from the lips, ears and assholes of the cows, no matter how fancy.

8 11 2010
Tombarina

Spot-on, Jim. Patties are made from ground tertiary cuts and offcuts – skirt, shin, lips and bums – whatever can’t be sold as a primal or secondary cut.
Based on 20-plus years’ involvement with the beef industry, I can assure you that when it comes to mince, it makes bugger-all difference if it’s from a marble score 9 fullblood Wagyu, or a 12yo Brahman-cross cracker cow. It’s only the fat content that may vary – well, HELLO Heart Foundation tick for low-fat, bottom-of-the-barrel beef!
BTW, my brother breeds Wagyu and laughs hysterically at what morons will pay for the offcuts that he feeds his dogs.

8 11 2010
martin

Mince meat is like anal sex. It being dirty makes up a lot of the appeal.

8 11 2010
Brimstone

i prefer Burger King (Hungry Jacks)

8 11 2010
martin

Me too. It’s just that there isn’t one near me. I really liked how maccas brought back the McFeast, but then they took it away again. Fuckers.

Maybe they should have a burger with extra anus. Instead of angus. Maybe in the future you’ll be able to know what is in your mince, sphincter, balls, tripe, kidney.

I’m stinging for a burger now.

8 11 2010
James Hunter

Brim,
Abso bloody lutely.

9 11 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, you gourmet you…

10 11 2010
Brimstone

i’m not saying it’s what i’d prefer, but given a choice the advertising slogan is right. i’m not sure why, but the burgers really are better at Hungry Jacks (than at McDonald’s)

8 11 2010
Lola

I still want to know how they get 53g of fat into one of these things. I mean, the cheese would be around 15-20%, the lettuce (what limp remains there are of it) zero, and the tomatoes 0.01%. That leaves the bun, the onions and the meat. Can bogan obesity have spread to this extent to the humble cow? Are the cows being fed angus beef burgers in an Eschereseque escalation of lardness. “Help me out here” (common bogan refrain).

8 11 2010
Spoonman

A veritably Human Centipede-esque chain of digestion

8 11 2010
Sten

Oh dear… I think that movie actually causes brain damage. I certainly felt a good deal less intelligent after watching it.

8 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

It helps if they order it via Drive Thru…

8 11 2010
Who is James Bogue?

Coming soon: the Angus & Julia Stone Burger (TM)

8 11 2010
T-Mac

I LOLed at that.

Actually, come to think of it… would their success last night increase the bogan’s knowledge of them, and lead to them becoming the subject of a future TBL entry?

8 11 2010
chris

Only after the David Guetta remix.

8 11 2010
Brimstone

nah, they’re too wimpy for bogans. or for anyone, really

8 11 2010
Mick

Probably, but I’m sitting here listening to The Sundays so who am I to speak?

8 11 2010
p'bee

someone with great taste.

angus and julia stone would have some bogan fans, but overall i think many bogans would find julia’s voice too weird.

8 11 2010
Loftie

I believe that the cows are grain fed…
By that – I mean grain fed – as a unit of measurement…

They must have a bucket of lard, mixed with bacon, and a suppliment mixture of Xtreme awesomeness…

Otherwise they would not be able to meet the required saturation of fat…

Reminds me of the burger that was featured in “The Simpsons Movie” called the Clogger…
“If you can find a fattier burger – you’re in Mexico!!!”

8 11 2010
Spoonman

See, grain fed = feedlot cattle. Like battery hens. You’re better off with grass fed cattle that run free…like the buffalo (sorry, Cows with Guns moment).

8 11 2010
p'bee

or the good morning burger: “We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and then soak it in rich creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham and a fried egg. We call it the good morning burger.”

8 11 2010
t'Ohmb'rina

Yeah. “Good morning, Packer Whackers”…..

8 11 2010
Sten

Heh heh… another pertinent quote, p’bee would be “Butter up that bacon, boy. Now bacon up that sausage!”

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I see the angus tag popping up in the supermarket from time to time too.
Aussie Angus. natch
when you’re on to a good thing – flog it to death. It’s hysterical that anything could derive it’s “cachet” from Mc Donalds.
Maybe KFC can respond with the Spangled Wyandotte meal.

personally I’m a Brahman fan.
I like the dewlap. and think how much fat you could get in a pattie if you ground up all those big shoulder humps!
BrahmaxXx Burger – 107% fat.

I had Lamb “rump steaks” for dinner.
I don’t know what breed, but it gave me a hangover.

8 11 2010
Snag

At 71g of fat per burger, I’m guessing Hungry Jacks is feeding it’s cattle with Quad Stacks in an unholy attempt to create a burger of 100% fat. Or maybe 110% fat; the eXtra fat would be more appealing to the bogan.

8 11 2010
Cam

My favourite quote from the Maccas ad is ‘lettuce with a fancy name like iceburg’ which is the least fanciest lettuce that they have been using in all the burgers forever.

I also find the current trend towards Wagyu interesting, it’s beef with a high degree of marbling which is fat. The Japanese generally eat it in thin slices and it tastes fantastic melting in your mouth however I’m sure the average bogan would only except it as a 300g steak which would take a week to digest and cost a fortune.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

funny stuff Shirl.
I remember a top notch vandal job on a billboard at the river end of wickham st Valley back in the late nineties.
It was hacked up to read “coming soon – homes for c@nts” or somesuch.
I noticed when I was last in bris. that it had turned out to be prophetic

8 11 2010
Benny Hill

Can’t believe a reference to the Angus Four n Twenty meat pies was missed.

http://www.angusaustralia.com.au/News/FourNTwenty.htm

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

Brumbys do an angus pie too.

8 11 2010
James Hunter

sounds like something you find with a fring of grass behind a cow

8 11 2010
Bondiboy66

My third son is named Angus. And he is sick to death of the comparison of his name and a breed of bovine…it doesn’t help that he lives in a rural location. I’m bloody glad I didn’t name him ‘Wagyu’.

8 11 2010
Sten

Leave it to the Bogues to name their son “Wagyu”… after all, the horrible little boaglet would probably have siblings with names like “Versace” or “Syennah” or the old classic “Jaiyeddhinnnnnnn” (notice how with every iteration the name sounds more and more Arabic? I bet the Bogan doesn’t).

8 11 2010
Tone

Instead of ‘Wagyu’, they could name one of their kids ‘Kobe’. That way, if Kobe/Wagyu became unfashionable, they could lie and say they named their spawn after an NBA player.

8 11 2010
Sten

Hmm, not too sure about that, Tone… Basketball has never been a clasically Bogue sport…

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Explain the shedload of fans that used to follow the Perth Wildpussies back in the first half of the 90s, filling the 8000-seat (and soon to be demolished) Entertainment Centre regularly.

9 11 2010
Tone

… and given that fashion works in 20 year cycles, expect basketball to be the hottest sport among the bogan masses come 2013.

10 11 2010
Sten

I can’t, Turnips, not being a basketball fan myself.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

a friend of mine’s son inadvertantly shares a name with an popular TV character.
Better to be likened to bovines than kieffer sutherland.

8 11 2010
dee

My 2nd son is also an Angus and likewise pissed off at the constant Angry Angus teasing…
Funnily enough when my husband suggested the name Angus before he was born I vetoed it because of the cow breed. Wish I’d stuck to it.

8 11 2010
loftie

Dee – you need to teach young angus how to Glass a c#nt…

That will fix em good…

8 11 2010
martin

Are all comments, or is it just mine, being modded now? I thought mods were for bogans.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

they all seem a bit fruity martin.
They go away for a while sometimes for no apparent reason.
then a batch appears at once…
but just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean theyre not screening you.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

where can I get Angry Onion seeds?
I like the idea of a sort of ill tempered vege patch: truculent raddish, curmudgeonly zuccini, acerbic tomatoes.

(cool! I did it with absolutely no references to growing marijuana at all.)

8 11 2010
Pandabater

Triffids Nursery 😉

8 11 2010
urakur

Perhaps I am just to Oz and old school…a big ‘ol fat T-Bone off the carcase of a Poll Hereford steer comping away on green pasture all the way to the bank……….Hmmm did they not come from the US of A originally ?

8 11 2010
urakur

sidenote.. traveling through the good ‘ol Us of A most reputable burger joints give the option of 1/8 – 1/4 and 1 pound burgers then you can go the double patie option….that’s 1 kg of ground beef on a bun.

8 11 2010
Brimstone

yeah, we have proper tasty burgers. not a little slip of meat and a bunch of bullshit toppings

8 11 2010
martin

So you have a big slip of meat and a bunch of bullshit toppings?

I want to go to that burger place that was featured on John Saffran’s race relations where you order your meal and you’re supposed to abuse the fuck out of the workers. It was in Chicago.

8 11 2010
JimmmyMick

I had to laugh when I looked at the initials of the industry marketing group behind this:

“Certified Australian Angus Beef”

aka C.A.A.B — now just say that with a long “a” sound, and …. oh noes, CARBS!

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

hereford is english.
not?

8 11 2010
urakur

Yes they (hereford) did originate from the UK, however it was the yanks that introduced the Polled variety.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

The healthiest burgers are made on donuts. It’s a Paula Deen fact.

8 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Jesus Christ, and I thought protection from cruel and unusual punishment was protected under the US constitution…

Something disturbing about their voices too, like they know something I don’t, but in reality it’s the opposite…

8 11 2010
p'bee

that is a hideous monstrosity.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

My favourite part is the last line – “coming up a parfait, sure to delight your front butt”

8 11 2010
urakur

My bloody God that is disturbing.

8 11 2010
Dgusten

Sadly, most American bread is so full of sugar that if you cook yourself bacon and eggs you feel like you’re eating it off a donut anyway.

Having said that, it feels like you’re eating it off an old skool donut, not a Krispy Kreme pile of lard as above… that is truly hideous.

8 11 2010
ch'bee b'lud frt

ooh can I have Ice Cream on mine?

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Just don’t forget the ice magic.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

And youtube search “Paula Deen Lasgna Sandwich” one day to see a true american fat f#cker eat some calories.

8 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I just watched it Viv…my virgin eyes will never be the same again…

Classic comment from the comments section of that video:

“I’m starting to wonder if Paula Deen smokes pot, because all the shit she comes up with seems like total munchies.”

8 11 2010
Benny Hill

Google or youtube ‘Bacon Explosion’ if you wanna know what seppo fat f#ckers really eat.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

God, I can’t wait to get to America – I am going to feel so fecking thin and superior. I can taste the virtue and smugness in my lentil dahl that i’m having with brown rice tonight!

8 11 2010
James Hunter

v’v
living on all that veggie vegan blah youl be lucky to last til you get there.
The human body cannot get all the essential amino acids from anything except great chuncks of quivering flesh.

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Is Sam Neill a hero of yours?

Is that the best the meat marketers have got? He presents a compelling cause for turning vegetarian…

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I’m not a vegetarian. Save your rant guys. I eat vegie meals about 4 nights a week, because i enjoythem. Other days i eat chicken or lamb. I dont like beef much. Just a taste thing. Off the high horses boys.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Vivi, lose the new avatar – it’s seriously freaking me out. Although I should probably just harden the %*@& up, grow a set and have a teaspoon of cement, princess…..

9 11 2010
martin

It’s because you’re a closet Hindu.

9 11 2010
SD

Because all Hindus are vegetarians.

I would reckon about 20-30% are. Most however don’t eat beef bar some Hindus in a few states.

Boring fact but historically its Buddhism and not Hinduism that forbids meat.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Beef not meat !

9 11 2010
martin

I know they’re not vegetarians, they don’t eat beef because of their love for cows. Vivisection also eats lentil dahl, sounds Indian to me. Therefore Vivsection is a Hindu. I bet he even has Indian decorations up in his house.

18 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

This. I was raised Hindu, my mum is a vegetarian but my dad isn’t. I ate meat when I was a kid but gave it up once I watched a documentary on slaughterhouses, given that I’ve always been an animal lover.

13 11 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, your spelling would give a fasting anorexic indigestion.

9 11 2010
spoony81

You’d enjoy http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com then?

11 11 2010
8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

hey panda,
we went to Triffid’s
but the staff were all Cuckoos.

8 11 2010
denocide

Hey, don’t forget that Burger King had their Angry Angus burgers out in Europe in 2007. I had one in Sweden, and it was shhhhayyyt 😦

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

hey Tomba!
how was the hossie?
did you see Mrs Hunter?

8 11 2010
Tombarina

Hullooooo! Hossie was super. Home – and the sudden dearth of pain-numbing, time-passing, mood-enhancing pharmaceuticals – not so. But I’m learning to live without a drip mainlining fun stuff into my veins….dammit. Love to Edna. x

8 11 2010
bee

stuff white people like is funny because it is about laughing at oneself… your website is about laughing at other people. it’s not funny, knowing social satire, it’s just unfunny mean-spirited snobbery.

8 11 2010
Shirley

Explain why laughing at oneself is any funnier than laughing at someone else? Funny is funny.

8 11 2010
p'bee

anyway, bogans love laughing mean-spiritedly at others, so why can’t we laugh at them a bit?

8 11 2010
lolplates

http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20051117235936974

It is an oldie, but a goodie. I wish I was that awesome. Sadly I never had the drive to do anyting like that.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

i was hoping to be able to post a picture of a Spangled Wyandotte.
couldn’t find one.
Sedgwick Hens in the UK have some splendid examples of a Speckled Dwarf Cock though.

*snigger*

8 11 2010
Brimstone

this probably isn’t the place to plug my dad’s steakhouse

and fuck Aussie burgers. anemic little strips of meat beefed up with salad, eggs, and fucking BEETROOT. somebody needs to teach you how to make real burgers

8 11 2010
travisty

big fan of beetroot in burgers, prob makes me boge but dont care love that shit. as the old proverb goes “you can beat an egg, but you can beet-a-root.”

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

My grandmother used to say that every time we went grocery shopping . dirty old Bitch. I agree though, beetroot is essential on burgers.

8 11 2010
Mick

I was always of the impression that beetroot on a burger was a Queensland thing.

Has the one thing I held over the rest of the country been a myth?

8 11 2010
James Hunter

I grew up early days Blacktown /sydneys west and even then1950s there was beetroot in the burger so as usual Queensland misses out.
Beetroot,
Rugby League (winning teams)
The extra hour of daylight in summer(just think of all that solar power you could have had)
Mind you the dlack rubbish from the bottom of the vats at the Bundy factory is tha base for Vegamite so all is forgiven

8 11 2010
Mick

Another illusion shattered.

Next you’ll be telling me that Old Stan who lived next door to us when I was a kid didn’t love cats. That he didn’t have a shed full of them and that all those unwanted kittens my brother and myself had to cart up there were actually knocked on the head.

Say it aint so.

8 11 2010
James Hunter

MICK,
Old Stan ?
I recall he is the one used to work the truckie shift at the local dirty spoon cafe. So you figure where the cats went !

8 11 2010
Mick

When I was an industrious little tacker I used to sell newspapers for my frogger money. One of my regular customers was the local chinese cafe.

I know this is a disturbing generalisation but there were lots of cats in that kitchen. I never ate there when I grew up.

13 11 2010
Peter

Try and make at least a bit of sense, pops!

8 11 2010
p'bee

bah. our burgers are more than just a heart-attack causing amount of unidentified cow-ish meat on a sweetened roll. agree with you on beetroot, though.

9 11 2010
martin

I can get over the beetroot. What annoys me is a place near me that puts grated carrot in their burgers. Now that’s just wrong.

8 11 2010
Steve

You can really taste the rat love:

8 11 2010
chris

I’m Fungry….

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I’d honestly love to try their All-Pickle Burger, me both being a vego and loving dill pickles, gherkins and polski ogorki…

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

un funny mean spirited snobbery is still good too though.
right?
I still bet she hasn’t read the rationale.

8 11 2010
v'visexxxion

The She-Bogan was probably too busy to read the rationale. And couldn’t laugh at herself. Too soon after the realisation perhaps. Poor pet (I’m enjoying mean spirited and condescending snobbery today).

8 11 2010
Brimstone

best burger: the ‘Dark Whopper’ Dark Knight tie-in. because millionaire playboy superheroes eat a Burger King

8 11 2010
YB

Please tell all the Angus’ that they should remember it could be worse.

Your Sincerely,

Bart

8 11 2010
Lord Boofhead

Tut, tut TBL you forgot the most important thing in the Hungry Jack’s approach, something else Bogans love. Bad ethnic stereotypes…

8 11 2010
Will S

“it’s a 4000 year old culture, on a sesame seed bun!”

8 11 2010
travisty

small side note, i saw on a “news program” (it was a commercial station so i use the term loosley) over the weekend that fast food establishments are now stating the kilojoules on each of their menu items, to help people make “health choices”, the talking head on the tv said that i will help the obesity epidemic and that people will now know what they are eating. I commented to wifey that it will do bugger-all, to emphasis my point i asked my 5 year old. “What would happen if you ate maccas everyday?”, Answer ” you would get fat and die”. So if a 5 y.o. know that this shit will kill you then stating kilojoules will to nothiong as as people re too stupid/lazy to change their eating habits.

8 11 2010
Jarrod Boyle

More wankers.

What is it about people who need to put someone else down – an invented ‘minority’ at that – to make themselves feel good?

Shame, wankers; shame.

8 11 2010
travisty

makes us feel warm and fuzzy that we are better than a majority of the population.

8 11 2010
Mick

Is it my imagination or are there more and more coming on here to defend their mediocrity? Has the book launch stirred up the already vocal majority?

8 11 2010
James Hunter

Mick,
Wrong it is the Minority that ara Vocal.
The Majority are too F$%^#&g lazy to bother to make themselves heard.

8 11 2010
Natlee

Oh god how I wish bogans were an “invented minority”

8 11 2010
martin

Because they started it, and they perpetuate it for all of eternity, and they deserve it. Seriously, you have to take the bogue into account when you have children. You have to think of everything. You can let them become a bogan, which to me in this country isn’t all too bad, seeing as you can become a millionaire by fixing dunnies, but what if they are above that? What if they become a person who is more humane and broad minded? You have to protect them and culture them. It’s like having a bonzai in a sea of lantana.

8 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Jarrod, you’re kind of lonely huh.

It’s because you are a f*ckstick.

8 11 2010
James Hunter

Sales idea for Maccas.
An Angus maxtreem burger with a bo it yourself Bulimic kit. a tripple layered enviro bag and two plastic fingers on a stick.

9 11 2010
chris

The last couple of times that I have, in a moment of weakness/stupidity/maxxtreme hunger, scarfed down some McDonalds I had to repress the urge to hurl the lot back up again afterwards.
You could keep the plastic fingers as a kind of happy meal thing for the kiddies, you know, start ’em young.

8 11 2010
hel

I have never been so proud to be Scottish.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I think Mick gets the prize.
Good On Yer Mick!

8 11 2010
Mick

oooohhh…a prize!

What is it? A triple angus with artery hardening on the side?

8 11 2010
travisty

that would be A triple angus with artery hardening “the fuck-up” on the side

8 11 2010
Mick

It might be my old eyes but that comment looked quite obscene at first glance.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I always thought you were West Australian Hel.

8 11 2010
Will S

Great entry today, one of the funniest/most pointed for a while!

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

the wittiest jape of the season

8 11 2010
Mick

The Angus burger is the choice of bogues away from the fine dining areas. The Waygu is for when the bogue dons a pair of shoes and a shirt with sleeves.

There’s a couple of places in Perth that charge $100 plus for a waygu steak. One is at the noted bogan den Burswood Casino. I’m sorry, I like my beef but to pay that much to show off? Bloody idiots.

9 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

In Perth, as well as throughout this vast indifference called Australia, there’s a chain of steakhouses with the rather jingoistic name of Outback Jack’s. A veritable vegan’s nightmare, with a fridge display of various choice joints and cuts primarily of varietal beef. Yay.

Anyway, amongst this orgy of carnivorous excess, stands alone the challenge that any self-respecting Aussie Pride bogan vows to succeed in as a test of their patriotism: The 30 Minute 1 Kilo Steak Challenge. The deal is that if you eat this monstrous slab of cow, plus wedges and a token amount of carrots and beans, in its entirety within half an hour, you get not only a t-shirt commemorating this heroic feat, you also only pay half-price for your rump, $20 instead of $40. No matter that you’ll get indigestion, followed by constipation, not to mention a sh¡tload of cholesterol, not to mention greatly shortening the odds of developing bowel cancer, you still proved what a rool Aussie you are for scoffing a maxxtreme steak, ay!

9 11 2010
Mick

I like those odds.

8 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

electric six

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

…um,
Turnips.
where was that 1Kg steak challenge thing at?
strictly for research, of course.

and the T- Shirt.

10 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Outback Jack’s is the name of the chain.

Try at your own risk!

9 11 2010
p'bee

all this talk of horribly lardy burgers is making me a bit queasy, so here are some guinea pigs eating a cucumber (i hope this embedding video works properly):

9 11 2010
p'bee

woohoo! it worked! i’m slightly less technologically inept!

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

aaawwww.
guinea pig is a delicacy in parts of south america.
Seems more like desperate survival measures to me.
kapibari is just a giant guinea pig innit?
that would make a good burger.
if you fed it up and got it reeeeal fat first.

9 11 2010
SD

Off topic but in the interests of my education….are the ARIAS always this bad?

I don’t normally watch awards show but it seems to me that the American ones are hollow – but have a superficial slickness and put together look.

The ARIAS in contrast seemed such a mess and it seemed to somehow combine people who thought themselves celebrities but tried to pretend they were bored and couldn’t care a stuff and a whole lot of others who seemed to be trying to conform to some faux idea of how they were supposed to dress and behave at an awards show including some over the top archness and “wit”. I gave up half way through.

I was a little surprised that it was so appalling.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/arias-go-to-ground-after-car-crash-show/story-e6frf96f-1225949601456

It would appear the world agrees with you SD.

Ronan Keating thinks the awards suck because Guy Sebastian won nothing and he is clearly the best artist in Oz.

Tomba – kill him with a splade please.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

*spork*

Done. And as an added bonus, we’ll never have to hear “….you say it best….when you say nothing at allllllllll….” again. Hurrah!

9 11 2010
p'bee

i always thought that song smacked of a controlling and emotionally abusive man. i mean look at that chorus – he’s telling his girlfriend/wife to shut up. he’s telling her he doesn’t want to listen to her. that really doesn’t sound romantic to me.

9 11 2010
Mick

I’d like to see Viv host next year. Tomba can be script editor.

For maximum effect Chubby should be director.

9 11 2010
p'bee

i’m coming up with viv’s costume right now.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

P’bee, Do i need to go on lemon detox for a few weeks first? Trick question, of course i will, and then some shakes. Make it tight! I’ll have to decide if I will lip sync all of the announcements, or just the ones where i break into a “spontaneous” dance. Decisions, decisions….

9 11 2010
p'bee

there’ll be a series of costume changes, of course, but for your first grand entrance look, it will involve a sequinned corset and frilly hotpants. i’m yet to decide on colours or shoes. and there may be headwear, or i may leave headwear for the finale.

9 11 2010
Mick

This is getting out of hand already.

I only suggested it so that I could go and get drunk with Molly. I have the feeling everybody should do that once in their lives.

9 11 2010
Shirley

You don’t get drunk with Molly. You snort insane amounts of cocaine with him. Everybody knows that!

9 11 2010
Mick

Bother! i have to pee into a cup at work so a session with Molly is out.

Surely there must be some music identity that I could drink with.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Mick, Just go down to DT’s pub in Richmond, he’s often there.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I want a Maaaaxinator – the mother of all headwear, and at least one outfit that incorporates peacock feathers, pasties and a cheeky smile.

9 11 2010
p'bee

i can do that – in high school i used to draw ridiculous hats complete with ferris wheels and fountains on them, so i’m sure i could come up with something like that for you. i think the ferris wheel would be good, particularly if the arias are at the opera house forecourt again, it will be a tribute to luna park across the water.

9 11 2010
SD

Wow, I was like polite about the whole damn thing compared to that report!

9 11 2010
Tombarina

SD, it never crossed my mind to watch the ARIAS – not when there’s a new Hercule Poirot on ABC (yep, welcome to to Crazytown; population: me) – but I find it difficult to believe that these warrant the title of “worst ever”.

Surely this lame-ar$ed event hit its nadir in 2000, with the truly woeful performance from the unlamented Madison Avenue? I’ve seen more tuneful dugongs.

9 11 2010
SD

Tomba I only did it in the interests of my education. Otherwise Poirot wins any day.

Eww, Madison Avenue (what’s that, is there also a band called Champs Elysses) sounds alarmingly bad.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

I’m not judging you. Not really…..

Seriously, watch the clip – you may want to have a vommy bag ready as you gaze in pie-eyed disbelief. It’s truly that appalling.

9 11 2010
SD

Appalling indeed – my eyes grew as wide as that of Romola Garai in Emma.

I hope that confirms that I am so dedicated to period films that I went out and bought a DVD of Emma – ABC has become lazy in the bonnet drama department of late.

Best Poirot : Death on the Nile.

9 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I tuned into the ARIAS on Sunday just as Jessica Mauboy phonetically pronounced “debut” off the autocue…I thought she was talking about French derierres rather than French inaugural performances at first…

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

didn’t see the ARIAs.
but we can smell it from here.
I say you can’t polish a turd.
Oz Music is in a bit of a state, just now.
I mean Angus & Julia.
and Megan Washinton.
I didn’t hear any other results, but if that’s indicative of the talent pool, then I don’t need to.

If you do want me to direct next years awards, please let me know ASAP.
I’ll need some very specialist equpiment if we’re going to make the whole thing look like a genuine accident.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Seeing as musical director has not been allocated I am grasping the mantle.

Here is the opening act

Chubbs, Sten can help with pyrotechnics and flame throwers.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

This is the second act. We will probably have to lock the doors to make them stay for the finale.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I had two friends who used to recreationally (sic?) spank that lead singer many years ago – they should have beaten the shit out of him. Awfulness.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

V’v,

I was bracing for someone to howl me down on this, may still happen. Awful, derivative, tennage girl emo lite crap.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I would like nominations for the closing act. I think you can agree I have set an astonishingly low bar so far. Anyone who nominates Farnesy or Powderfinger gets glassed.

My nomination – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbovKqsJPc4

9 11 2010
Mick

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

This one is specially for you Mick!

9 11 2010
Mick

That’s it, I’m outta here!

*grabs beer and Neil Young collection and storms off to pool*

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

To soothe you Mick, my love for Neil is well known.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Cockroaches were the first band I ever saw back in 1984-5? when I was a wee child.

9 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

The drummer for the Cockroaches was my PE teacher in Primary School!

9 11 2010
Tombarina

I have a closing-act proposal – a super-group or, if you will, a soaper-group.

Toni Pearen, Melissa Tzautz, Bruce Samazan, Stefan Dennis, the Blakeney twins, Natalie Imbruglia, Holly Valance, Danni Minogue, Tammin Sursock, Craig McLachlan, Abi Tucker, Emily Symons, Sophie Lee (and the other Freaked-Out Flower Children) and Paul Capsis, warbling an unholy medley of We Built This City, Ring My Bell, Sussussudio, Stuck On You (the Huey Lewis monstrosity), Centrefold and Sylvia’s Mother. Shite, overplayed pap for shite, careerless ninnies.

(Kylie, Danni, Delta, Jase and Natalie don’t get a guernsey on the basis of excessive sales success, however unwarranted. They are, instead, backing dancers )

This extravaganza is merely the curtain-raiser to Bec Cartwright belting out all of her platinum-selling hits. A nanosecond later, when she’s finished, out trundles Rusty Crowe for a winsome duet with a holographic Belinda Emmett. Something suitably tasteful, inspiring and aspirational – Warrant’s Cherry Pie, for example.

Backing dancers wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care, mobile phones rain from the ceiling, striking ARIA-goers on the noggin….fade to black.

Just a thought…..

9 11 2010
Mick

Awesome…absolutely fully sik.

Will everybody be dressed like Hercule Poirot?

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Oh, Mick – you’re being silly.

Only the MEN will be dressed like Poirot. The women, in time-honoured ARIA tradition, will be dressed like slutz.

9 11 2010
Mick

Splendid. It’s about time men started dressing like men instead of vagabonds. I take it the ladies will be dressed like Collette?

There’s nothing as classy as a well dressed man with his skank.

9 11 2010
p'bee

as that song was released the year i started school i’d never seen it before. weren’t people then confused by the use of braces to hold up bike shorts like i was watching it now? i know 80s fashion was pretty terrifying, but bike shorts and braces? who thought that was a good look?

9 11 2010
Tone

All wonderful suggestions for musical acts, but I have no idea how this one flew under the radar:

9 11 2010
Tone

Argh … HTML fail.

Well, just go to YouTube and look up ‘Supernaut’ and you can thank me later. Their track ‘I Like It Both Ways’ is the track I was thinking of.

9 11 2010
Pandabater

Tomba, I have had a truly frightening thought,
you’re erm.. soapy-group would probably get a run
if the right/wrong person suggested it to the
right/wrong person. Either at the Arias or for
the opening number at the Logies.

BTW I flicked over to the Aria show & it
looked like it was held in a pub,
but with an audience, just weird.

9 11 2010
Tone

All wonderful suggestions for the musical finale, but I’m disappointed nobody has given these guys a shout. They probably haven’t had a gig since 1977, so they shouldn’t cost too much to hire.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
I will give one small set from my show ?

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JH,

You may get on stage as long as you take something sharp with you. Also you are in charge of the black helicopters.

I have recently been diagnosed hypoglycemic so I am forced to eat more protein. Mmmmmmm meat!!

How tasty are goats. With a nice herby, spicy crust, and shiraz. No effin beetroot.

Tomba, you go too far, I have always loved Centrefold by The J Geils Band.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Spit roasted goat basted and stuffeds with lemon (juice and zest in the baste,all the left over lemon bits inside),rosmary salt black pepper and olive oil.
To die for

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Si, I’d forgotten what groundbreaking lyricists The Cockroaches were. To wit:

Hey let’s go, let’s go, let’s go (x4)
She’s the one (x6)

Makes ‘Dorothy The Dinosaur’ look like Wagner’s Ring Cycle.

On the subject of vintage moosic, just got given a kick-arse free ticket to see the Crowdies tonight. Could not be more chuffed if you rolled me in chuffypowder, ran me through an electofonic chuffifying machine and renamed me Chuffulous.

I’ve always had a serious Jones on for Neil Finn. Mmmmmm…..

9 11 2010
Shirley

I sang ‘She’s the One’ in the car once for some inexplicable reason, and now my offspring sings it EVERY TIME we drive anywhere. EVERY time.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Time to get yourself a new kid. Seriously.

Mind you, could be worse. Could be 1927’s mawkish faff “If I Could”, a sentence usually completed by the phrase “slice my ears off with a cheese grater”.

9 11 2010
Mick

Simon, back in the early 80’s I had quite a thing for Sharon O’Neill. The thought of her kept me warm on many a cold winter’s night.

Do you think you could book her and maybe introduce us?

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Mick,

I think we will put her in the Hall of Fame. That is still a cool song. She was on Spicks and Specks (or was it rockwiz) this year is is still a bit hot!

10 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Mr Viv tell me about the time he had afternoon tea with her in 1980-whatever , every time he hears her name. She makes a goo d afternoon tea it would seem….

10 11 2010
Mick

Excellent, it seems that everyone loves Sharon. That makes me happy.

I wonder if my neighbours will after I crank up Foreign Affairs ( loved that album cover as a young fella) while I wash my car…

10 11 2010
Tombarina

Love Sharon O’Neill. I think she still holds the world record for Tightest Pants Ever from the video for Maxine – which I also lurve.

10 11 2010
Mick

I would say tighter in ‘Power’.

I spent a bit of time youtubing Sharon last night. It’s always nice revisting lost loves *sigh*. I wonder if Simon has made the call yet…

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Of course I have Mick and she is quivering with excitement to meet you. I am also reforming Vspy Vspy for the event. Probably the first adult band I saw and I still drag them out from time to time.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did you notice I have sussed out embedding.

P’bee you and I are cutting edge dude!

10 11 2010
p'bee

we are. i’m sure we’re now on the verge of the greatest technological breakthrough mankind will ever see.

9 11 2010
v'visexxxion

That’s enough. You must all be punished.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

vv,
go visit my site befor you cast me asside

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You asked for it ya farking carnt.

9 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Oh, the love sent from the clifftops of Kiama…that awkward 90s feel really eminates from this song…

10 11 2010
chris

Oh thanks a lot. Now I’ve gotta go delete my browser history.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Here to help!

9 11 2010
martin

What about the John Butler Trio and we can always get whats his name to sing “Amazing”.

Youuuuuuu were amaaaaaaaazing, weeeeeeee did amaaaaazzziiiing things.

AMAZING! So heavy. And John Butler always makes me want to become a vegan and give a toss about ‘climate change’. Not.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
Becomming a veggie/vegan wont save the earth. That is a warm and touchy idea drempt up by hippies living on comunes where they couldnot afford the yummy meat Ok so ruminants give of methane from converting things we cant eat like grass into yummy steak. But if you try to feed us beans and lentils our gut is not designed to digest cellulose so guess what we then make with the blazing saddles. Mind you we become unhealthy from lack of esential amino acids so end up too lethargic to care.
Just gos to show … nature gave us the teat and gut that we have to eat yummy mounds of quivering flesh as well as fruit and cooked vegatables.
that s what we were given so thats what we gotta do.

9 11 2010
SD

I still have great grandparents with active lives who have yet to visit a doctor. They don’t eat meat or eggs.

Please do have your meat and I don’t think its unhealthy by the way. But its a canard that vegetarian diets are insufficient or make you lethargic.

9 11 2010
martin

Bloody oath! I had a vegetable pasty yesterday and felt kind of sick and wondered how the hell do they live like this. They usually look pretty weak and pasty those vegy people.

9 11 2010
Shirley

I’ve never understood why people give a shit whether people eat meat or not.

9 11 2010
SD

Um, comment got swallowed but here goes again.

BTW JH my great grandparents don’t eat meat or eggs and have active lives and have never been to a doctor. They look pretty fit and not in the least bit pasty (maybe its all the coconut oil, who knows)

I don’t honestly care if people eat meat. But its a canard that being vegetarian is somehow ruinous to health or makes you lethargic.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

SD,
You jest sir !
It’s a “canard”
boy I’ll” duck “that one. lol

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, I should have put Alex Lloyd on the glassing list Martin.

9 11 2010
martin

I saw him on some sort of acoustic live show thingy late at night on the ABC I think. He wasn’t too bad, shame about amazing really. Because it’s really annoying and lame and he sold out with it for ads so quickly, not that I really blame him, it must be near impossible to become a proper artist these days.

9 11 2010
Jay

Thought I’d share this gem with you from today’s edition of, what else but, the “Toowoomba Chronicle”. Read it and weep, boys and girls…

http://www.thechronicle.com.au/story/2010/11/09/mcdonalds-wedding-4gr-radio/

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Oh Christ, and all his little minions.

The worst part is, I’m not even a teeny-weeny bit surprised – only that it’s taken this long.

Mick, hit Jay’s link above, and remember again why you fled.

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I was going to send in a joke entry but I only have work email and well you see the problem. It would have been fully sic explaining how on my 4th marriage little Oii Ninja and Brx-aldralshx just need a Macca wedding to make them feel better since their last dad died of obesity and how they go to maccas every morning for brecky and the morning crew is really funny with how the chick giggles annoyingly at the blokes innuendo and can they play some Phil Collins for me and will there be a strech hummer coz that is my dream.

Something like that.

9 11 2010
Mick

Let’s stop mucking around. Just nuke the place. For the love of all that is sacred, burn the f*cking place to the ground.

9 11 2010
Jay

I’ll bring the kero if you bring the matches, Mick… meet you at the Top of the Range 😀

9 11 2010
Mick

We had out high school formal at that restaurant. I can still recall the tears and sorrow at the thought of finishing school and moving on with our lives.

Not me…I just saw an opening to escape. Some of the girls asked me why I wasn’t all emotional. I put on a few tears of joy for them. Good times.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

9 11 2010
Jay

The comments section is worth a look… My favourite:
“Posted by SAMMY13 from Mount Isa City, Queensland
09 November 2010 9:28 a.m. | Suggest removal » | Post reply »
My husband and I were married in McDonalds 15 years ago. Table service and an ice cream cake were included. This isn’t a new idea.”

9 11 2010
Mick

Jay, how did we miss this one?

http://www.thechronicle.com.au/story/2010/11/09/hawaiian-tropic-model-competition-start/

Offer a Toowoomba girl a few laps of Ruthven St and a burger from the Lunch Basket and their legs would be in the air before the interior light went out.

9 11 2010
Jay

Oh for the love of God and all that is good. There’s not a day goes by that I’m not glad I escaped from the pox-ridden, pustulant, reeking, toxic cesspool that is Toowoomba.

You’re right – nuking is the only answer. Just burning it might mean that something could be left standing.

On another note – ahh the Lunch Basket… haven’t thought about that place for years. Dare I suggest that their hamburgers would have given even the Angry Angus a run for its money 😀

9 11 2010
Mick

Damn straight…nobody has ever produced a soft and confident poo after eating at the Lunch Basket.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Jay,
You are so quaint, refering to us all as “girls and boys.”
Me ,I prefer , for whatever it is worth ,” Ladies and Gentlemen and those about whom I am not yet sure.”

9 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JH – are you hamming it up?

Also beetroot is a travesty.

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

in order to make an ethical statement without compromising my exceedingly bland palate, I, henceforth, will only eat meat which has been shoplifted.
That’s about as vego as I can get.

I do believe if Baby Jesus didn’t want us to eat the animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

Rejoiceth, Chub – here’s a group for we like-minded kids: The Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat-Eaters. http://www.freewebs.com/avsme/

Motto: MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!

Position: “(Vegetarians) want to force steamed broccoli down our throats and snatch away our rib eye steaks. For shame, fanatical vegans! For shame. You will need to pry our meat from our cold dead hands.”

Philosophy: What would Jesus do for bacon?

Music: The Meat Song

9 11 2010
James Hunter

What would Jesus do for bacon ? Hmm Is that how he became Sir Francis ?

9 11 2010
Pandabater

JH, JC would make his own bacon,
out of anything he fckn likes.

9 11 2010
Tombarina

True. Like tree-bacon. Or laundromat-bacon.

Or dugong-bacon. Mmmmm…..dugong……

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Wonder how JC would go making mince meat?
Or rissoles?
or doughnuts?

wonder what he might have done with a few thousand dead Roman slaves ? something like a cold platter ?

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

SD.
with all due respect, how would your grandparents know they were fit & healthy if they’ve never been to a doctor?
hmmm?
they may well be at death’s door (God’s forbid! My esteemed co-commenter btw)
best they just pop in for a check-up.

9 11 2010
SD

Its my great grandfolk. They are in their 80s and doing well, thank you. If at any time they were at death’s door, obviously they got better without intervention.

Normally people do know if they are not well. Or are we reliant on an instrument to tell us so?!

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

sorry about the superfluous possesive apostrophe

don’t know what came over me

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

McWedding.
pah!

Things Bogans Like

#714 The Morning Crew.

G’day you’ve got it locked on WANK FM with Smutty, Funny and Jane…

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Simon Me hamming it up?. Well Id be telling a porky if I said “not even a little bit”
You got a beef with that ?

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

tombarina I believe your extravaganza proposal is even more offensive than my constipation remedy and demand TBL take it down at once!

9 11 2010
SD

Is Mr. Enron Hubbard, esteemed co-author of this blog, hiding from you meat lovers here?! I mean I would certainly hide from JH and Martin!

“Enron Hubbard: Since his arrest for civil unrest while defending battery hens, militant vegan Ron lives as a hermit, fearful of reprisals from angry bogans who value their low-cost, high-quantity egg and poultry goods.”

Come to think of it is Turnips Hubbard?!

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

Tombarina that group makes me
so f#cking HOT!

I’m going to cook a porterhouse and have a lie down.

my chest hurts…
and my arm,
just the left one

9 11 2010
Pandabater

“You don’t win friends with salad.”

Insert File: [conga]

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Pandabeater,
you sure win more with a bit of sausage

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Pandabeater,
In the wurst kind of whey

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

hey,
we have this dish liquid that was blue, but has mysteriously lost all it’s colour over night.
I am completely NOT kidding!
it’s just this clear gel now.

is that a miracle?
to whom should I attribute it

9 11 2010
Pandabater

Stolen by the boat people chubby,
they don’t have Blue in Afsrilankastan.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
you are old enough to get away with this so “Dial A Priest”

9 11 2010
brad

Bit off subject,but i think we should all reflect on this day the tenth anniversary of george Bush’s insane war.

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

…they must have escaped from Northam, we’re not far from there…
And the neighbour’s throat’s been slit!
Edna! where’s the car?
Edna?

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Chubster,
How far is that from Wolf Creek?
Maybe time ti load a few spare mags for the .243 ?
Mind you a 9 street sweeper could be useful

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I prefer shotguns for my short game james.

9 11 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
one of the most useful guns iv ever owned ; springfield bolt achion .410 sho gun with magnum solids in it was the best for pigs . used to leave it with mrs H. two bird shot in the top and solids underneath. up country if she was alone “if two pellets does not convince the bad guys to go then drill hole in their engine block.
yea way to goooooo.

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

you would not believe how effing hard it is for me to do this.
21st Century My Arse.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chubs,

Nice, with Pearl Jam. Thanks, have a steak.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl, just for you.

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

OooEeeeeee!
got me some Hogget!
Loin Chops.

Hogget just does not get a fair rap!
methinks

9 11 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Sweet as, you finally heeded my pesky Angus Beef suggestions!! MUCH YAYNESS. 😀 This does not disappoint, guys. 😀 Exxxcellent stuff, kunts. Hehe.

Now for my next article suggestion: TBL #192 — Beef In General. Scratch that, Meat In General.

As a staunch vegan, I peer down my nose at all meatos, yup, mm-hmm, and pretty much deem them bogans, irrespective of how many other boxes they do or don’t tick. 😉

Insufferable…mayhap. But justified? Hell yes.

Don’t believe me, then watch the documentary, Earthlings. It will change your life….if a heart actually beats in your chest.

Animals exist for their own reasons. They are no more made for us than blacks were made for whites, or women for men. Watch Earthlings. 0r die.

9 11 2010
Pandabater

Do you like fishing?

9 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

To quote the song “I Wanna Spill The Blood Of A Hippy” by the Doug Anthony All Stars:

“We’re sick of farting vegetarians, open up their mouths and feed em
MEAT, MEAT MEAT!”

9 11 2010
Wot, Kunt?

I’m VEGAN, not vegetarian. Mere veggos are worse than carnos. Claiming to be animal lovers, and yet contributing to their deaths and torture anyways. Pfft.

10 11 2010
$hruglife

Shut your bong hole, hippy

9 11 2010
James Hunter

WotKunt,
If you realy believe that you are probably also a creationist.
Oh by the way the world is not flat.

9 11 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Hehe, nah. I’m just smart enough and compassionate enough not to have been brainwashed by a world bent on brainwashing people into believing that it’s just hunky dory to use, abuse and exploit fellow sentient beings.

I think you’re the party more likely to buy into creationism, hehe…an individual who’s presumably been brainwashed without second thought about dead animal muscle being a normal and ethical thing to eat in the same vein as god fearing creationists are brainwashed by the bible thumpers in pinstripe suits on the telly. 😉

I on the other hand prefer not to contribute to unthinkable and astronomical suffering when it isn’t remotely necessary. Myself and my vegan buddies are ZEE healthiest people you’ll ever meet. 😀 True story, kunts!

Eating animal products is unnecessary, and all thinking to the contrary is a myth. Bottom line is that since we can be fully, maxtreeeemely healthy (and H0T…you oughta SEE some of the vegan men I know 😉 ) on plant based foods, everything else is just pleasure food, and an unnecessary, unconscionable thing to support.

I prefer not to treat my body as a graveyard, at the very least. 😉

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

watch
wot kunt?

9 11 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Hehe, nah…I don’t feel like it. Sorries!

Go vegan! 0r die! 😀

9 11 2010
Wot, Kunt?

No.

10 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

but seriously
my life is my Art.

“there is nothing so excellent as wearing clothes and eating food”

10 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

wot kunt
anthropomorphic.
sad
religious mythology.
there might be an economic argument,
but you already lost me

10 11 2010
James Hunter

Chubby and Edna
Seems like wi itched wotkunts scratch.

sensitive little critter , what ? But is he worth eating ? Hmmmm
Probably taste like vegetables after what he eats. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 11 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Wot Kunt, are lions and tigers going to hell?

Horse is nice.
So I’ve heard…

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’ve never met a quail I didn’t want to eat.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
10 11 2010
v'visexxxion

I have a friend who is probably still grieving to this day over the death of Blake on Home and Away in 1990. And no , its not me. The upside was, he left Home and Away, did that film where he got his bits out, and was never seen on television again. Silver linings.

10 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Noooo , it wan’t Blake, it was Fisher’s son Alan who had an aneurism on the beach…. What is wrong with me?

10 11 2010
chris

When they finally kill off Amy Pond on Dr Who, I’m taking a month’s bereavement leave.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

They can’t kill Amy, she’s real.

10 11 2010
p'bee

i’ll do the same for the current doctor too.

10 11 2010
Tombarina

Apparently, Facebook is abuzz with halfwits mourning this ficticious fatality….ubertools.

Yet another example of the bogue’s inability to distinguish between reality and bollocks – up there with the AbMaXXX7000 which will apparently give you a siXXX-pack in 90sec/day, tatts automatically bestowing toughness and the notion of Bec Hewitt as a celebrity.

Si, you’re a man who knows how many beans make five, so riddle me this. I’ve been offered two free, very good tix to see Powderfinger’s pen-penultimate concert tonight.

If I go, am I irretrievably a bogan? I’m hoping that accepting another free, very good ticket to see the Crowdies last night will act as a sort of bogue-innoculant. I want to go, but I don’t want to completely cross the Rubicon. Perhaps I could wear a Kerry O’Brien t-shirt as a kind of talisman to ward off boguevil?

Please help.
Love
Tomba

10 11 2010
v'visexxxion

Tomba, ask yourself, would Lleyton and Bec go? And there’s your answer.

10 11 2010
Mick

Were Powderfinger always bogue? I went to a few of their gigs in the mid 90’s and thought not. Did some sad event change them for the worse?

Or did I just out myself again?

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry Mick but always bogue in my opinion. Others may dissent.

10 11 2010
Mick

Probably right. Coming back from overseas I was appalled to here them doing power ballads that REO Speedwagon would have been proud of.

They lost me then but I always thought that there must have been some sort of musical glassing for them to go that bad.

10 11 2010
Tombarina

I first saw them as a pub band gigging around SEQ, too, Mick – loved ’em long time, back in the day.

I think they became bogue once they started winning loads of ARIAs, and Bernard started getting a touch of the Pontifical Bonos about him.

Last saw them at the Tiv in the Valley two years ago, and it was a heinous seething mass of aggressive boguemanity. Did not like the vibe.

10 11 2010
p'bee

i think the problem is they got a bit too bland and samey. i wouldn’t say they’re entirely bogan, more of a crossover artist.

tomba, i think you’re fine to go with free tickets. i got a very good (i.e. <5m from the stage) free ticket to u2's last tour, so i think accepting free tickets is fine. if nothing else, it will be a free night out. or you could think of it as fieldwork.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Just to finish this off I saw Finger at the BDo mid 90’s. I thought they were just ok and them You Am I came on afterwards (around the release of Hifi Way) and just made them look like amatuers, or Nickleback take your pick. You Am I smoked em.

Soundgarden played as well. Possibly the best rock voice around has Chris. And they were angry young men. And The Prodigy sucked mightily as usual.

10 11 2010
Mick

You Am i did that to lots of bands. I watched a young Jebidiah play their hearts out one night. Tim came on, thanked the kids for having a crack and let loose.

Poor young fellas had no idea what hit them.

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I just heard a song off their new album which sounded like a bit of a return to form for the boys. They had gone a bit 60’s ish for my taste but the new track sounded like The Rock had returned to Tim and the boys.

10 11 2010
chris

There’s a new bogue product right there: Coloured wristbands with WWBALD on ’em.

10 11 2010
Tombarina

Oh bollocks. I’m doomed.

*Googles nearest tattoo parlour, changes Sole Offspring’s name to t’Homme, signs up for Be A Smokin’ Hot Property Baron In Two Easy Steps workshop, turns orange*

10 11 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Tomba,

It’s ok as long as you view it as a field trip, don’t hold up your phone or sing along to these days. We expect a full report. With grubby details.

How were the Crowdies. I have never seen them.

10 11 2010
Tombarina

My first Crowdies concert, too, and they were sen-bloody-sational. Master craftsmen at the very top of their game. I love Neil Finn with a passion bordering on the obsessive….

Re tonight, I’m going to try and forget V’vi’s disturbingly accurate Lleyton analogy and approach this as research. While wearing a protective suit made entirely of Kerry O’Brien.

10 11 2010
JimC

No Hessie, No Crowdies.

Sorry, Neil… You may be a genius songwriter but without Paul Hester it can never be called ‘Crowded House’.

10 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

if you miss the powderfinger farewell tour, you could always catch them on the powderfinger reunion tour, or the reunion farewell tour, or the double allergic twenty year tour, or the I can’t believe they’re sixty tour, or the bernard fanning sings the hits of powderfinger tour, or the powderinger final reunion final farewell tour tour or just wait for the “rising stars” powderfinger tribute album tour.

10 11 2010
JimC

I saw Powderfinger at the very beginning, when they were a heavy grunge band. They supported Pantera for God’s sake!

Now, of course, they disown that early start. So now rthet pave the way for unspeakably boring, genreric Aussie pop-rock bilge like Eskimo Joe.

11 11 2010
BCo

Well done on getting a mention in The Weekly Times TBL. It seems the CAAB chief executive doesn’t mind bogans eating Angus, as long as ‘the product remains high quality’.

Ha, really? Got a web link? TBL

11 11 2010
BCo

Since WT has not put the article online, the best I can do is direct you to a Facebook link of the page: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=297290&id=611286390&saved#!/album.php?id=611286390&aid=297290

Amazing! Thanks! TBL

11 11 2010
Will S

Angus beef marketing has hit a new low with the breed being crowned the meat of choice of the bogan.
But brand heavyweights have welcomed the dubious honour, despite the industry plugging millions into marketing it as a premium beef.

The claim was made by a website, thingsboganslike.com which takes a comical look at what bogans are, do and buy.

The website puts Angus in the same boat as fad diets, Brendan Fevola, plasma TVs, fake tans and Channel 9’s A Current Affair.

The blog says, “”.
The website goes on to mock the premium price of Angus burgers and Hungry Jacks’ Angry Angus marketing.
, the website says.

But Cornfed Australian Angus Beef’s chief executive Phil Morley says he was glad bogans enjoyed Angus Beef.

“I don’t think anyone in marketing would be worried that their brand is being talked about… so we’re not worried about over-exposure, as long as we endure the product remains high quality, Mr. Morley said.

ok my eyes are dead now

7 12 2010
sumguy87

i didnt know where to post this but its related to burgers so here i guess.i work at grill’d this upmarket burger franchise where the burgers are actually really great.so anyway i was on register and said bogan appeared with full arm tattoos,not sure if tribal but very close to.when i asked him whether he would prefer a seeded wholemeal roll for his burger or a sourdough panini he proudly exclaimed to me and his freind
“NAH FUCK THAT SEED SHIT.SEEDS BELONG IN THE FUCKING GROUND” GIVE ME THE ONE WITHOUT THEM SEEDS SHIT.SHOULDNT BE ON A FUCKIN BURGER NAH.”NAH SEEDS ARE DIRTY THEY COME FROM THE GROUND”.
i didnt have the heart to tell him that the lettuce,tomatoe,onion,tomato sauce,and grain to make the bread and well as the potatoe fries he ordered all originated from the ground too and not from thin air.

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