Friday Bachelor of Bogan (BBo)

1 10 2010

With the Deni Ute Muster kicking off today, it’s set to be a big weekend for the old school bogan. But other things of interest to the bogan have been happening this week, too. The Parklife music festival has been working its way around the country, luring bogans with the opportunity of ruining their first music festival for the 2009-10 season. Now, onto some issues:

Trained security monkeys have been called in by:

Eva Grace Scolaro’s decision to go to a party in make-up designed to mimic her glassing attack on Roxanne Stacey Hemsley’s months earlier was:

The Gold Coast bikini race has been called off due to:

Sarah Murdoch’s gaffe on Australia’s Next Top Bogan was:


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74 responses

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Dave.

“Whilst i find it quite amusing myself, I am somewhat by undertones of elitism evident in this website. I could write a similar blog entitled ‘things pretentious inner city yuppies/aspirationals like’ and i’m sure the reaction of readers on this blog would be somewhat different. Would it be because much of that trendy group actually overlaps with your much derided bogan.”

Dave is Bogan of the Week. He thinks he could write an amusing blog but battles to construct a sentence. We have not had a dude come up with the Stuff White people like idea all on his own for a while and for this he deserves the award.

I was going to nominate the Gold Coast Turf club but TBL beat me to it.

1 10 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

The pic today is painful to look at. I love you TBL

1 10 2010
Benny Hill

What’s wrong with it?

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Hey Pinkster!

1 10 2010
James Hunter

Good to see you back Pinkey. Hope you are well.
The pic … well it gave me a nose bleed !

2 10 2010
Tombarina

Me too. A little bit of vommy came up.

But super-happy you’re up and about, Pinkmeister!

1 10 2010
hel

that duckfacing chick in the photo needs glassing.

1 10 2010
Tone

You just know that later on that day, those two snuck into a random tent and had a lovely spot of #124.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

If that photo hurts then you certainly should not look at these.

1 10 2010
martin

Why is it that so many if not most good looking people are douches? I assume the male in today’s pick is good looking from a female perspective. The female, whilst having a body and face that I’d kill for, well not so much the face, is definitely an idiot as well.

1 10 2010
pb

he’s not good looking, he looks like a moron.

1 10 2010
martin

Physically I think he is good looking. He might even be a pleasant chap on occassion.

1 10 2010
pb

hard to tell. first he’d need to stop dressing like a moron and pulling that dumb expression. as it is, with just that photo, not good looking.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is it the bare arms Martin?

1 10 2010
Shirley M

Coupled with the tight pants. Ooh la la!

1 10 2010
pb

and the deep v neck.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

Though, I have to give it to him, he has nice hands. I like hands.

1 10 2010
martin

He’s tall, slim, got the germanic facial structure that’s popular in Australia, got a good head of hair, and he’s got those lovely african earings to show off his really unique and original faux libtardness. Combined with the I don’t give a fuck therefore I’m cool attitude it’s quite the package.

I’d still prefer her though, but only just.

8 10 2010
Lord Charos

The earrings are comical at best. I just hate people that give you that ‘I don’t give a f*ck therefor I’m cool’ look. Sometimes I just feel like re-educating them with a blunt instrument.

I wouldn’t even want either of those obvious fools as a slave.

1 10 2010
martin

I think it’s a tactic to oppress us by the NWO via the media. They turn the good looking people into f$cktards and demoralise us.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think either of them are good looking. They can both go and get anal farked.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I think they are all f*cktards. I point at them and laugh.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

Even though you’re unco, I bet you’re way hotter than that clown shoes, Simon. And I’m totally hotter than that moll slut.

You see, they put all their cheap merchandise in the window. No intrigue. Vapid, hideous ornaments.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m hot as Shirl, and I know you are. I bet Martin is way hotter than those two as well. And we know PB has far better taste in clothing and is scorching.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

There’s no doubt in my mind.

1 10 2010
pb

tbl’s combined hotness, if all brought together, would undoubtedly be more powerful than the sun.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We could power the country and save all that carbon, certainly.

3 10 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Your are incredibly hot Shirley. I don’t know why I am telling you this! 😉

3 10 2010
Shirley M

It’s because of the spell I have cast on you.

1 10 2010
Nelson Esq

If you cross a douchebag with a bogan, do you get a douchebogue? Do we have a new sub-species?

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That would be a yes Nelson. Whilst not all bogans are douches, certainly all douches are bogue.

1 10 2010
brad

Is douche a septic word for bogan? Is Gary Ablett a douche and if the Pies lose tomorrow are they douche’s

2 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Pretty much I think Brad. Gazza is a Douche and no matter what happens today Collingwood are always BOGANS.

Just for context, at least one sixth of our number support the mighty Magpies. Collingwood is as excellent team. Kind regards, Chas (on behalf of the TBL team). TBL

3 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

So that’s where you get you bogan insights from huh.

3 10 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Oh Si, so much orange…so many ‘tatts”…ewww

Non of those dudes are good looking and chicks look like they have been pushed and pulled by Dr Nick Riviera that when they smile a fart slips out their ears! 😉

Big hellos to all my lovely TBL buddies. That idiot Peter isn’t around is he? I don’t want to “scroll down” if he is…LOLz

4 10 2010
missbiatch

Some of those guys look quite constipated… or maybe they are still a bit tender from the back, sack & crack wax?

1 10 2010
Gavin
1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
3 10 2010
Beeb

“Duck faced”: collage with accompanying song:

3 10 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Oh…my…dear…sweet…

1 10 2010
Shirley M

What happened to my comment?

1 10 2010
Wiggum

Oh Simon, you just want to be a nay sayer. Truth is the deconstruction of the Bogan has been long over due. It is not only the whim of the inner city yuppie etc as you describe it is also the educated and the “socially aware” and those interested in anthropology… I mean, the fact that you apparently can construct a succinct “argument” in one direction, and still use the word “dude” in the same breath suggests to me… you may in fact be a secretly offended closet Neo Bogan.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

Oh dear.

Perhaps you should read Simon’s post again Wiggum. I think you may have missed some crucial elements.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We may have a runner up Shirl.

1 10 2010
Shirley M

Let’s call it a draw. In keeping with current themes and all.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Certainly.

1 10 2010
martin

I think libtards need some deconstructing. I’d do it but I can’t be bothered because I’m too much of a bogan.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Go on Martin, we need a bit of your dancing around the fringes.

1 10 2010
martin

Nah I got too much work to do. Even if I didn’t I still couldn’t be bothered. It’d be too un pc and I’d probably get lynched.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We love your un pc, might draw out some more angry bogans.

1 10 2010
martin

Who is non-bogan of the week? I vote for the RBA for wanting to raise rates even though it will supposedly prick the bubble and make housing affordable.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good call Martin. Except for those of us that already own homes, we just need to pay more?

1 10 2010
martin

Yeah you can just get an equity loan.

1 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cool, can I gamble with the loot at the TAB.

1 10 2010
martin

Sure. Get yourself a new maloo while you’re at it. If you’ve got kids get one of those 4WD prams.

1 10 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Probably a necessarily painful dose of chemotherapy to the metastatic cancerous growth of asset inflation: I too will have to wear it as a homeowner with a mortgage. Diddums, woe is me!

That’s the insidious aspect of having had sustained historically low interest rates, whereby people expect them to remain that way and then allow themselves to get complacent about them, thus providing ideal conditions for speculators to dictate the market. Combine this with the deregulation of banking (with its concomitant lower borrowing standards), the halving of the capital gains tax in ’99 (flooding the market with investors with newly-liberated capital) and the disappearance of broad-based public housing, you have a perfect storm brewing and I for one would welcome this, in spite of the short-term pain of having to scrounge $20 a week to accommodate the rising repayments.

We been bingeing on the sweets for too long and we’ve now got cancer, bloated and presently choking as a consequence of the exponential unchecked cell growth. Time for radical intervention, or we’ll aspirate on our aspirations.

1 10 2010
pb

which bogan billionaire will be buying one of these?: http://www.smh.com.au/executive-style/accessorise-your-superyacht-with-a-picasso-on-the-poop-deck-and-a-sonic-cannon-on-the-hull-20101001-16014.html
because everyone needs a yacht with lasers.

1 10 2010
lol-plates

The timber cigarette boat is a lovely machine. I have a softspot for timber speed boats. I just like boats in general, but some of those yachts are so obscenly expensive and oppulent they are characatures.

1 10 2010
SD

Off topic but did anyone watch the Gillian Armstrong doco yesterday on ABC (I think)? I guess those girls could be considered bogans? Are they fairly representative of the demographic?

Anyway it was quite interesting though a bit sad in parts.

1 10 2010
lol-plates

No, but I watched the penguin one nerrated by Rolf Harris! “The males are scoring left right and center” Best doco line EVAR

1 10 2010
brad

Is that Adelaide’s finest?The woman who had a kid with “Fury” is pure genius,have a sprog with the one you lust and get your pay-packet man to raise him(and he agreed!)It was like 7-UP gone feral.

1 10 2010
SD

Yes that was the one. That bit was appalling for sure! But also felt sorry for them – kind of like not being able to escape one’s upbringing and milieu.

The sprog looks like he might get up to trouble too.

1 10 2010
john scott

Bikini race ban? Political correctness gone mad!

1 10 2010
Nelson Esq

TBL, you’ve mentioned that old school bogan favourite, the Deni ute muster, which actually happens in my street nearly every week-end. There are 2 lads in their early 20’s living across the street from us, both of who have flash looking utes. All their mates have flash looking utes too, many decked out with fat 20inch mags and doof doof. I often say to Mrs Nelson, “The Deni ute muster is on again tonight.” when they all arrive. What gets me is this:
1. Being P platers, surely it must be illegal to be driving these high-powered vehicles, they all near new XR’s or SS’s.
2. There is not a bomb amongst them, all of them are pretty new, so how do they afford them?
3. Why they choose to drive utes is beyond me, as they’re not tradies utes with ladder racks, tools and dogs hanging off the back. The only tool in these utes sits in the drivers seat…

Several years ago, before kids, Mrs Nelson and I jumped into the MG for a lovely romantic week-end away in the country. On our way home, we arrived in Kilmore on the Echuca-Kilmore Rd and could not turn right onto the road to Melbourne due to the huge train of utes on their way home from Deniliquin. The amount of boganity that passed us by was rather scary. It would have been close to 100 utes, packed to the brim with bogans, Bundy and beer.

The utes that made me laugh are covered in stickers, giant mudflaps, bullbar, huge spot lights and have so many aerials that they could pass for an echidna…except that the ute has the pricks on the inside…

1 10 2010
lol-plates

Ah ‘performance’ utes… does a more pointless thing exist? They have no real load carrying capacity and they do have no capacity to deal with mass transfer when the power goes down. Anyways 20s are not good for racing either.
Being P platers shouldn’t they not be allowed to have v8s and turbo’s registered?
Country boy’s utes are a different animal, less about paint and rims more about poles and ‘hopper stoppers’ and mad flaps.
As for the money question, they spend almost ALL their income on them. I had the same choice, but I got married instead and shelved hotted car till later.

1 10 2010
lol-plates

EDIT: not shouldn’t rather not allowed to have them registered? Isn’t that Vic Roads laws, thats the case in NSW.

3 10 2010
Beeb

LOL :))))

28 10 2010
Jack

Excuse me, but i happen to know these people , and i am actually half cut out of the photo itself. I think its pretty sad that all of you are degrating people you dont even know and have never met , is it because you have nothing better to do or self conscious about yourselfs, none of us are bogans we all work and make money, we dont drink VB or XXXX, why is it so bad to get dressed up for a festivals that we attend on a regular basis, its so sad to sit here and watch you pathetic morons putting shit on my freinds wen you know nothing about them or us or the life we live. and when i find out who posted this and or the owner of the websit i will be taking legal action unless it is taken down.

Ugh. Other parts of this blog are pretty emphatic that the modern bogan is generally employed, and enjoys drinking things such as pre-mix cans and foreign-label-domestically-brewed beer instead of just VB or XXXX. Now, the other bit. What sort of legal action are you proposing, exactly? Do you honestly think that bogan justice-dispenser Slater & Gordon will take on a case about non-notable people at a music festival posing ridiculously for a Fairfax photographer, and subsequently appearing in a blog entry that has not and will not ever generate a cent in revenue (we’d also likely have workable defence avenues on a number of elements of the Defamation Act 2005, such as triviality, implied consent, and fair comment)? Your other option at this point is to make an idle threat about running to alternate bogan justice-dispenser A Current Affair. Someone like you turns up on here any time we get mentioned in a newspaper. Hurrah. TBL

28 10 2010
SD

Jack here clearly thinks people run a popular blog and write a book without any kind of legal advice. Jack also thinks *his* friends have been personally attacked when no identification is provided for duckface and groper.

Slater & Gordon are going to make a few easy bucks today.

28 10 2010
vivisection

So Jack, is your friend in the pic actually part duck / part milkmaid? And the she-bogue in the background, is that a fascinator on her head? Do tell us more about your friends. I want to learn, but couldn’t actually hang around toss pots like these long enough.

28 10 2010
InnerCityGirl

Jack, its people like you that prevent me from ever attending the races. It makes me embarassed to be Australian. Get a sense of humour mate.

28 10 2010
Jack

innercityslutgirl, i have never bin to the races bahaha to bogan for me darl, maybe u should try mmmm lets see maybe parklife where everyone gets dressed up, wen we had our photo taken we did not expect to be ridiculed and made out to be some low lifes, so actually i guess all of u can go fuk yourselves as im not even going to bother with any of u, everysingle one of u guys obviously have nothing better to do so enjoy ur sad miserable lives all ur life , ps….. see you guys at stereosonic, where we will be there to ruin yet another festival as u say pffffffttt

Once the bogan realises that nobody is taking its unrealistic threats of maxtreme legal action seriously, it will pretend it has suddenly become disinterested, lean back on its trusty schoolyard technique of hurling profanities, and then scuttle away to another part of the interwebs. Safe travels, TBL

29 10 2010
vivisection

OMG, they called that dressing up…..Daisy Dukes, a tank top and the beginnings of a gunt aint dressing up.

1 11 2010
p'bee

and a top that doesn’t cover your bra isn’t really dressing at all.

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