Friday Bachelor of Bogan (BBo)

24 09 2010

The bogan doesn’t want the Australian team to go to India for the Commonwealth Games because:

The bogans think the Newtown ‘Burqa’ mural is:

The rising cost of food is:

A knife wielding mother was recently arrested in an Ipswich 7-11 because:

“Harry the Croc” has picked a Collingwood victory in the AFL Grand Final tomorrow. The bogan knows this means:

US entertainment channel E!’s new show Bridalplasty is about:

  • Brides getting plastered to win cash
  • Men getting plastic surgery to become women, and thereby become brides (and win cash)

Actions

Information

63 responses

24 09 2010
Shirley M

Ipswich: Where children are protected from soft-core porn, and encouraged to solve problems by brandishing weapons at innocent strangers.

24 09 2010
chris

As a rube out-of-towner, I once took a wrong turn during a torrential downpour and got hopelessly lost in Ipswich. Oh the horror.

24 09 2010
Ash

If Ipswich (and Canberra) aren’t hell on Earth I don’t know what is…and I grew up in The Shire.

24 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

Kawana Waters.
I have expounded this at length in the past in this salon of civic discourse and shan’t do so again.
But the most bogue place in australia is definately Kawana Waters.
and I grew up there.

26 09 2010
brad

yeah what a real shit-hole?

24 09 2010
Bogan In Laws

Ipswich: Where, if you get into a domestic with your boyfriend, running him over is the next logical step.

http://www.qt.com.au/story/2010/09/14/woman-driver-tried-to-run-over-partner/

That woman is my mother-in-law.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

F*ck a duck. Check out the Ipswich nightlife box at the bottom. Talk about swimming at the shallow end of the gene pool.

These boguettes are contestants in a beauty contest!

http://www.qt.com.au/photos/galleries/ipswich-nightlife-sept-18/#num=1&id=ipswich-nightlife-sept-18

24 09 2010
Bogan In Laws

Ah, the Ipswich Nightlife pics – not enough garlic, silver bullets and Dettol in the world…

This photo contains my aunt-in-law, cousin-in-law (mother of Tanisha) and brother-in-law (who at 18 is about to become a father).

http://www.qt.com.au/photos/galleries/ipswich-nightlife/#num=6&id=ipswich-nightlife

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

What are they drinking? They are large but not cans. Some sort of Ipswich only beverage.

24 09 2010
Bogan In Laws

Well that was taken at the opening of our ‘classiest’ club – Cocktails. So I would hazard a guess that they are promotional cocktail shakers.

In the spirit of all Ipswich grand openings, the night ended in a 20-30 person brawl on the footpath. Good times, good times.

24 09 2010
Pellegrino

Oh, for the love of Christ…

I, stupidly, went through the entire gallery. It’s put me off ever wanting to visit Ipswich (not that the urge to pop by was an all-consuming one in the first place).

Later photos show that the pub/club was giving away free shakers with every Illusion cocktail, so I’d say that’s what they’re drinking from.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Also your moniker is apt, condolences.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did you notice when you click on the link your back button does not work to return to TBL. Kind of appropriate really.

Ipswich, there is no return.

See, the internet is self-aware! TBL

25 09 2010
pb

how have you managed to escape boganity? i’m truly amazed – you must have some sort of anti-bogue superpowers.

25 09 2010
Bogan In Laws

Well in my case, my parents are from Brisbane, and I didn’t come to Ipswich until I was 5.

In my husbands case, he is a genetic mutation. Seriously, he is extremely stong willed and used his family as an example of what not to do.

We don’t have a lot to do with them, seeing them only at birthdays & Christmas.

24 09 2010
Stevo

Ipswich, Canberra, can we add Launceston to that list of “Hells on Earth”?

24 09 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Don’t forget Toowoomba. Ipswich is where people go when Toowoomba is too bogan for them…

26 09 2010
Mandi

Seymour, if you don’t know where it is you have led a charmed life. and Darwin.

24 09 2010
SD

Commonwealth Games, finished with being embarrassed about it, now to be stoic about the brickbats (most deserved).

Burqa, a restrictive shroud masquerading as a choice. But I have already said enough about it before.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/afl/a-canvas-almost-complete-for-magpie-fan/story-e6frf9jf-1225928624731

Bogan of the Week – Collingwood fans in general (except Brad) A dentist’s wet dream.

Was there ever any doubt?

24 09 2010
vivisection

Dear Lord, if my tattooist had such ugly, tasteless tatts, i wouldn’t let her near me. You may be on the money for Bogan of the Week this time Simon. He named his daughter after a footballer’s daughter????

24 09 2010
pb

i clicked the link to look at the photos, and it seems (seeing as the name at one point is paired with his other daughter’s name) that he’s named his second kid myiah.

24 09 2010
pb

sorry, that’d be myiah tyson, and third daughter kaela.

24 09 2010
vivisection

Oh dear, I didn’t see that gallery link until you pointed it out PB.
My fav quote: under photo of his name tattoo.

RIGHT ARM: “That’s me name in case I ever forget.”

They are the most heinous tatts I’ve seen publicly displayed in along time.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

They are the saggiest boobs I have ever seen.

24 09 2010
Pellegrino

And the most appropriate URL ever for the gallery…

http://tools.geelongadvertiser.com.au/… etc.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

2 out of 2 Viv!

24 09 2010
vivisection

1 out of 2 – don’t get carried away.

24 09 2010
Shirley M

What a farking cockhead.

24 09 2010
vivisection

oh Simon’s alright…. boom tish!

24 09 2010
brad

thanks Simon these outlandish antics have jinxed us for the latter part of the 20th century and beyond,it is black and white mans burden(but you gotta love it!)

24 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubbybloodfart live from a secret location in the Top End. Top End means NT to the uninitiated. NT means No Telecommunications to me. NT means No Trashbins to Edna. The roadside rubbish is staggering. NT means N1gger Trouble to Baby Boomer grey gonads. NT means Nice Tits to the Road Train Trucker leering at my wife. NT means New Tinnie to the Bogan Miner we met at the Daly Waters Pub. And if you’re one of the local Indigenes NT means Never Stood a F#cking Chance With These Bigoted Morons.

anyway,
I keep getting tweets about the book!
where can I get one? and If I email it to youse can you sign it for me?

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chubs, good to hear from you. Been thinking about you guys, hope all is well. Say g’day to Edna for me.

24 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Hello Chubb and Edna!

Great to hear of your Top End adventures, no doubt grand vistas of bogan-spotting await you both.

As long as the feral pigs (of all three stripes) don’t interfere with your journeys there.

Always looks forward to your dispatches from the badlands many of us are too delicate to contend with (I can tolerate and manage them, but strictly in small doses!).

B O’T 🙂

25 09 2010
brad

Chubby,great too see you and Edna are back on the road,wait too you get too WA,then you’ll see some rubbish-ha ha,anyway try too see the good of our terriortory,its a harsh place,that breeds harsh attitudes,im sure Darwin will enlighten you too how it is up there,the indigenous capital of Aus,if you can go too Tiwi the locals are amazing people who have the most important ingedients for life-pride and self belief.anyway im off too watch the GF.

26 09 2010
Mandi

hahaha, go to Humpty Doo hotel (no, actually drive past it with the doors locked and windows up), its a concrete and breeze block pub that can be hosed out in the morning.

24 09 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

@simon.
*mwah*
see you in adelaide for christmas eh?

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’ll be here. The sun is out today for the first time in recent memory. You have missed nothing with this winter. Stay cool.

24 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

this being my first exposure to BBo I am stoked.
MaxXx Bravo TBL.
not content with a book TBL are pitching for their own TV show…

…again?

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Last weeks Bogan of the week was Lady GaGa. I’m sure you will agree with this choice.

24 09 2010
martin

What is this weeks? I vote for the Indians for screwing up the Commonwealth games, although it’s probably more bogan to not screw them up. Because then we might be spared having this country wank it’s dick over our swimmers and eventually we might be spared some annoying prat of a sportsperson doing some annoying uncle tobys ad.

So therefore Indians are non-bogans of the week.

24 09 2010
Ash

My Indian dad thanks you for this honour.

24 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

Martin when are you gonna take off the kid gloves and just tell it like it is?

24 09 2010
martin

I wouldn’t make much of a diplomat.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Martin,

See above for this weeks. Its Collingwood fans, represented by one particular outstanding example.

24 09 2010
martin

Fair enough. A bit localised though. I guess it’s a slow week on the bogan front. I can’t see anything on the news sites that would be worthy.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Martin, the world is full of Collingwood fans, and they all deserve mocking.

24 09 2010
24 09 2010
SD

What is it about Aussies overseas? When we lived in Singapore, it was like every other Aussie was a wanker stereotype. Then we came here and met loads of people who were utterly nice. Maybe the bogans are emigrating….

24 09 2010
pb
24 09 2010
martin

Maybe he was asked to resign coz he’s a ranga.

24 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

No more “Welcome to the programme” at 7:30 PM, Monday to Thursdays after December.

Perhaps he’s gone to join the green Pentel ballpoint pen he used to poke around with on Lateline and early in the $7.30 Port…or maybe he’s decided to go pursue his love of fermented grapes, which I have heard he is very fond of!

At least he’ll go out on a high, which is more than can be said of Uncle Ray.

24 09 2010
Sten

Kerry’s a green-inker!? Turnips, how could this be?

As for Uncle Ray, the less said, the better (unless it’s mockery of his awful rug).

24 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Not green ink as such, Sten: the barrel is green, but the ink was blue or black of the thin ink variety (can’t remember which exactly). However, I use the green ink myself on those BIC 4-ink pens for my diary and writing second/final drafts of my poetry, so yeah, I’m one!

As for Uncle Ray, I believe that Eric Bana’s best ever role was his lampooning of the said alleged journalist on Full Frontal, with his ever-increasing helmet of fibreglass hair, often pitched against Kim Gyngell’s droll Leon Kretschmar, who would decry everything as “that’s crap, Ray!”

26 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I’m sure Nobby Doldrums would be devastated B O’T!

26 09 2010
Sten

I loved those Full Frontal sketches… Leon was the best! The gangster fella was also pretty funny. “You’re a very cheeky boy, Ray!”

25 09 2010
Tombarina

My exceedingly-well-placed-albeit-cock-up-prone sources tell me that Australia’s most powerful left-leaning bloodnut will be doing something super-important with ABC’s new 24-hour news channel. Christ knows, they need someone to flog it into a coherent direction…..

Chub, Edna: great to hear you guys are living large in the top end. Drive carefully – between the 22yo Norwegians caning clapped-out Wicked vans and Tennant Creek truckies with a week’s worth of benzadrine down the hatch, it’s hairy.

24 09 2010
SD

Ooh new banner!

26 09 2010
Mandi

Bogan moment, suburban Kmart, “Bailey, Tia, shut up and get in the trolley”. $20 says Tia’s middle name is Maria. $50 says they are named after what Mum was drinking at the moment of conception.

26 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

$100 that said beverages are in the trolley with the like named ‘children’…

26 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Further $100 says the mum is unsure what contraception is.

3 11 2010
Caitlin

On the mural, that is not a Burqa. That’s a Niqab. I’m also pretty sure that it’s a copy of the stock illustration used by the BBC. Which is always clearly labelled, and is accompanied by a different illustration of a woman wearing a burqa.

That is the most retarded thing I have ever seen.

3 12 2010
Hamster Cages

having a regular nightlife can make your life a very colorful one, i enjoy having nigh outs ‘-~

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: