#175 – Car Parks

20 09 2010

Despite what it may tell you, the bogan likes to be stationary. Whether this is a product of simple laziness or if a deeper, more sinister objective lies beneath remains somewhat uncertain. What is certain however is that the comfort of securing a 10 square metre rectangle in an undercover car park fills its heart with the sort of glee usually reserved for P!nk concerts and post-Christmas sales. Wily property developers have long been au courant of the bogan’s love for a dedicated area of asphalt for its prized automobile, and many of Australia’s most successful retail outlets demonstrate that to get hordes of bogans through the door, the building needs to be ringed with irresistible rows of car parking for bogans to squabble over.

Better still, the bogan is often willing to pay multiple dollars per hour for the privilege. While the bogan hates being near vehicles on the roads, in car parks it derives a strange sense of calm from being surrounded by thousands of other steel cages committed to the maxtreme genius of the internal combustion engine. Public transport is rarely an option for the bogan, as its complete lack of self-awareness will compel it to sneer that trains “are full of annoying bogans”. The extent of this truth relates to the bogan in question taking the train when it is too drunk to drink drive.

Venues such as shopping malls and sport stadia offer “free” parking to its patrons, and the bogan has embraced such graciousness like a hyena that has been left a flyblown carcass by a compassionate lion. For instance, a female bogan will often spend upwards of four hours aimlessly browsing through a melange of stuff it doesn’t need, and then decide it cannot live without it. When it exits the mall $4,200 poorer, the bogan will console itself with the boganomic fact that at least it didn’t have to pay for parking, and drive off with the self-satisfaction of having stuck it to the parking man.

While parking lots serve to house motor vehicles at rest, the bogan has extended this functionality to also rest itself. While non-bogans may prefer to congregate at houses, bars, or parks, bogan clusters of both genders regularly accumulate in car parks. Many bogan males depend on the appearance or performance of their vehicle for their ego, and as a result are keen to use a public parking area as the location for their mating dance. The bogan will seductively switch between admiring its car, leaning on its car, and revving its car in a bid to lure a female into the back seat. All too often, the evening will end with the bogan performing “the stranger” on itself, parked further from the McDonalds than its earlier preening location.


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216 responses

20 09 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. I really must ask Chauffeur what he does with the cars when I am not in them.

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
One at a time I trust ?

20 09 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Of course. I can hardly be in more than one car at one time.

20 09 2010
devil's advocate

LOL. Of course you meant: you “must ask Chauffeur WHO he does in the cars when [you’re] not in them”.

20 09 2010
SD

my thoughts too DA, not to forget that a few Crash type paraphilia situations ran through my mind – the latter would make a good SBS doco.

20 09 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Of course, this means you have finally accepted the truth about me.

20 09 2010
SD

Touché!

20 09 2010
devil's advocate

The truth? What truth? That you’re pretentious/deranged enough to refer to that other homeless guy that sits at the front of the tram as “Chauffeur”?

Note to Fiona: automatic doors don’t qualify as “privacy glass”.

20 09 2010
hel

that is a maXtreme comeback. Sic.

20 09 2010
Glass 'em all

Car parks are also preferred areas for younger bogans where mating, fighting and glassing are concerned, heralded by the age-old cry: “You! Me! Car park, NOW!”

20 09 2010
Tone

I realise that only so much can be said in just 400 or so words, but you could spend all day in a car park in Attenborough mode and make some sort of doco out of it.

For instance, the bogan will circle around the parking bays nearest the entrance to whichever venue at which they need to park like vultures stalking potential prey that just hasn’t around to dying yet. The delicious irony of this being that in many cases, had they just decided to go and park in the outer perimeters of the car park – often with many vacant spaces available – even after factoring in a bit of a walk, they’d end up at the front doors of the establishment in question just as a space across from the front doors becomes available.

TL;DR – bogans are lazy pricks that are shithouse at time management

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Tone, the Femme ham beast can’t walk across an entire carpark without a Boost juice for fuel. Maybe we need to install travelators or something so they don’t need to exert themselves?

20 09 2010
lol-plates

I had this mad spot at Miranda Westfield which I doubed the “Parking Spot of Kings”” It was the furthest from the entrance as possible as it would annoy who ever was in the car at the time (it was even funnier in the rain). I then decided that parking down the road and big hill was a better Idea. 🙂

20 09 2010
vivisection

Are you my father??? He does that so the car doors don’t get damaged by other drivers. And to deliberately antagonise me.

20 09 2010
devil's advocate

I can see where he’s coming from. Invariably the denizens of the shopping malls are driving SUVs, and when they open the doors on these “off-road vehicles” (which of course have never been off road) the bottom edge of the door is just at the right height to put a massive dint in the top of your door.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

ooooooooooooooooooooooo just last weekend at chaddy i had a stupid bogan woman with her little drop kick kids dent my door! And the silly bitch had the gull to have a go at me!

Me: “Excuse but i just saw one of your kids open the car door and scratch my door”
Her: “Fuck off idiot it wasnt my kids”
Me:”umm i just saw him do it with my own eyes”
Her:”yeah as if da court is gonna believe ya eyes dick’ead…and plus ya got a shitty car anyway so doesnt matter”
Me:”What has that got to do with anything, you damaged my property regardless”
Her:”yer alrite dickhead its a piece of shit anyway so fuck off ha ha ha”

she drove away in her Jeep, i took her number plates and my partner recorded the whole exchange on her phone. My lawyer sent her a letter this week and we will see what she does with it. Knowing too well what bogans are like…she would have seen lawyer, notice of payment and would have scrunched it up and thrown it in the bin and said “fuck ‘im”

20 09 2010
Tone

Careful, Artie.

Don’t be surprised if the next piece of correspondence from this silly bint comes via Slater & Gordon, threatening to sue for ‘psychological damage’ to her putrid little crotch droppings.

20 09 2010
Sten

“Putrid little crotch droppings”. Fantastic work, Tone.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

Have a bogan car-park abuse story myself from several Saturday’s ago during, an unavoidable trip to the local bogan mecca Westfield. In the family wagon filled up with wife, kids and prams, I was beaten to the last ‘parents with prams’ spot by a CuB moll in a BMW Z4. I wound down my window and said “Nice family car, but where do you put the pram?”
“Huh? Wha’?” replied CuB Moll
“Forget it Babe, move on, don’t pick a fight!” interjected Mrs Nelson.
“The pram? You’ve parked in the parents with prams spot. Obviously you have your child in the front seat of your sports car and you’re about to get a pram out of the tiny boot.”
“Fuck off, woulds ya!” yelled CuB, charging towards the open window of my car, with flailing arms with keys in hand…
“DRIVE BABE!” shreeks Mrs Nelson
I was rather dissappointed that I didn;t get to ask Bogan Moll if she could kindly move her car so I could rightfully park there.

20 09 2010
lol-plates

I do it to annoy people, I am a petty man(annoys the wife). If your dad is 24 then yes. If an SUV dings my doors I key their car. ^_^
The best time to park very far away is either in the middle of summer at mid-day or during a monsoon. I also partake in leading cars around the car park too!

20 09 2010
Stoirbz

That’s why I enjoy a spot of bogan-baiting in car parks.

All you need to do is just wander around aimlessly, with a set of keys in hand – and completely ignore the conga-line of bogans trying to find where you’ve parked and take your spot. Then, slowly approach a car (any car, it doesn’t matter which) with keys out. Just when it appears that you’re about to get in and drive away, stop suddenly as if you’ve “forgotten” something (a dramatic pantomime face-palm should do the trick), and calmly walk back to the entrance of the store. If you hear a squeal of tyres and/or rage, you have completed your task.

It’s important to pick your targets though, limiting your victims to V8 utes, 4WD owners and P-plated rice-rockets. And please, as much as you should ignore the spot-stalkers, try to avoid the elderly. That shit’s just not cool.

20 09 2010
Tone

I quite enjoy this game, having played it myself a few times.

All I can add to it is if looks could glass, my face would look like a relief map of the Himalayas by now …

20 09 2010
Mandi

My favourite is to slowly amble my way to my car, open the boot or the door and get out shopping bags, a jumper or an umbrella and then stride back into the shopping centre.

20 09 2010
martin

I think it’s laziness combined with some sort of status thing. Only the plebs park more than 10 metres from the shops.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

I’m guilty of stalking out parks near the entrance in giant car parks, not for lazy or status reasons, but because I’m very talented at completely forgetting where I’ve parked.

20 09 2010
martin

We talked about this before. I think it’s you and Tombarina’s husbands that are bogans in this regard.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

Oi. It doesn’t make me a bogan! I just don’t have a mind for such minor details. I’ve even spent time looking for my car only to remember I caught the bus.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Yeah Martin, being thick doesn’t make you a bogan. Hey Shirley.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

Not on it’s own, surely. If my car had frangipani stickers on it AND I had carparknesia, then that would probably qualify me as a bogan.

20 09 2010
vivisection

or if you had you car painted in that tacky paint that changes colour as you drive – like a mood shirt, that would make you a bogan.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

Totally. Even if you always remembered where you parked it.

20 09 2010
martin

I didn’t say it made you a bogan per se. But you are a bogan when it comes to parking.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

Am not! My motivations are not the same as the bogans. I only do it in giant Westfield car parks and such.

20 09 2010
martin

Not being able to find your car. I think that’s a poor excuse Shirley.

Don’t worry Shirley. I consider myself much more bogan than you. I rate you at about 5-10% for your parking habits. I give myself about 30-50% because I drink too much beer and I like pub rock and for a few other reasons.

20 09 2010
Tone

Shirl … that’s why they invented remote central locking! If you lose your car, all you have to do is keep pushing the button on the key fob until you find one that flashes at you. Problem solved.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

My car does not feature such mod cons. I’m sure by the time I get around to upgrading it, I’ll be able to get one that will drive itself to me and pick me up from the entrance.

20 09 2010
Mandi

When we lived in Germany my Mums friend had a volvo, I can;t remember the model but every second person owned one in the 90’s. This woman was so absent minded that if she remembered to take her son to school she wouldn’t remember to pick him up. After a day of shopping she forget where she parked, eventually a kind policeman drove her around the streets so she could test her key on every volvo of the same colour in the area.

20 09 2010
Tombarina

Martin, my Beloved stands accused AND convicted on multiple counts of wilful parking-related boganosity.

I’ve actually gotten out of the car and left him to it on several occasions. Truly, it $hts me like nothing else…..

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ah yes, Parking man, or is that Shirl’s?

20 09 2010
Tombarina

That would be him. He honestly believes he has the Power’o’t’Park.

Armed with this deluded and incredibly irritating self-belief, he WILL NOT BE DENIED his rightful spot, ie, 2.1m from the escalator…even if it takes 30 minutes of hovering and lapping to achieve it.

I often dream of stabbing Parking Man with a spork.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

If you do ever stab Parking Man, make sure you render him disabled enough to qualify for disabled parking spots. He’ll get to park as close to the entrance as possible, and you won’t have to put up with the lapping etc. anymore.

20 09 2010
Tombarina

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

You’re a thinker. A THINKER, I say!

One non-fatal sporking, coming up….

20 09 2010
Shirley M

There’s a happy solution to every problem, Tombarina.

24 09 2010
$hruglife

It’s called a Splayd. Spork is the bogan vernacular.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

GenY Bogans in McDonald’s carparks…I just don’t get it….they buy their McUnhappy meal at the drive-thru and then eat it in the car sitting in the car park. I’ll take TBL’s word on the preening and parading like a peacock on heat and the engine revving. By the number of McDonalds bags on the road outside the Keilor Rd store, I’m sure that there is also the obligatory throwing of the burger wrappers and empty paper cups out the car window before the departure as well. I think the TBL sponsored David Attenborough doco on bogans should examine this behaviour.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

When I was a teenager there were bogans who hung out in the McDonald’s carpark all day, if they weren’t at the Shell service station car park, that is. So, I regret to inform you that it’s not a generation specific phenomenon.

20 09 2010
Tombarina

In the krappy country town near where I grew up, the happenin’ place was Kookas – a BP servo which, thrillingly, OPENED ALL NIGHT ON FRIDAYS!!!!!!

The joint was populated by spotty teens and unemployed 20-somethings, and the vehicles were mostly home-panel-beaten Commodores and Hiluxes with pig racks on the back.

I went back there two years ago, and was (sadly) unsurprised to see that nothing had changed.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

Agree Shirley!! Hanging out in the Maccas carpark has been a bogan rite of passage for years. GenX bogans have past the hanging out in the carpark mantel to GenY. GenX are at the next stage in life; they have spawned the next gen of bogue, so their Macca’s trip consists of going through the drive-thru on their way home from the school pickup run , throwing the bag of Big McFats and fries into the back seat of the Urban Assault Vehicle where it is devoured by Jaxxyyn and Maddilynnn. Maccas is just their after school snack before being fed some pre-cooked and frozen reheat in the microwave McCain you’ve done it again crap or Chicken Tonight or somethfor dinner only 2 hours later.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

“passed the mantle” not “past the mantel”…self fail…glass me Simon!

20 09 2010
Shirley M

You forgot to mention that during the alternating between leaning on and revving their sweet ride, the bogan also pumps out some Ministry of Sound remixes through its massive sub-woofer.

20 09 2010
James Hunter

I suspect that there is something primal in this. The gathering in the lair huddled together for mutual protection and warmth ? The underground car park is not unlike a cave

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The bogan likes to pop it’s hood prior to performing The Stranger.

20 09 2010
hel

again, laughing loudly and inappropriately in the work place

20 09 2010
vivisection

I like to watch the bogans at Northcote Plaza Carpark walking around – I slowly mumble “Braaains, Braaains, Braaains” to provide Mr Viv a Zombie film soundtrack to match the cinemascope view before us. The hefferlumps slowly amble towards the k-mart sales in their tracksuits, planning their Wendy’s Hotdog ‘n’ Shake value meals. “Braaaaaaiiiinnns………”
It’s quite frightening.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

George Romero nailed the mall thing.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Next time you are in Melbourne- make Northcote Plaza a must see highlight. george would have saved a fortune if he’d filmed there. No need for extras. Why it isn’t in Lonely Planet as a destination is beyond me.

20 09 2010
Lachlan

I wonder if Northcote Plaza is the only shopping centre in Australia to have 2 separate Coles Supermarkets within?

In the 3 times I’ve been there I’ve witnessed 2 fights/arguments in the carpark. The entire shopping centre really sums TBL up nicely I think.

In many cases, it’s the legacy of Coles Myer’s decision to kill off most of the Bi-Lo “discount supermarket” chain in 2006-07. Stuck with duplicate supermarket-sized leases in a number of shopping centres around the country, they just refitted the space to be another Coles. TBL

20 09 2010
vivisection

Don’t forget that it has a Miller’s Fashion Club – as advertised by Pattie Newton too! So ladies, if you need some dowdy frocks on a budget rush down today. God I love Northcote Plaza. Such a bogan infested dump. It’s like ACA in 3D

20 09 2010
SD

I am always perplexed by Miller’s – who buys that stuff? It looks like the remants of 80s prints supersized for our times. And the brightly coloured polyester pants – shudder!

I don’t own a car so I can’t say I am at all familiar with car parks.

20 09 2010
pb

it looks like the stuff the houswife in a bad american moral family drama would wear – like 7th heaven. she’d be in her polyester pants and matching cami and blouse set with over-blowdried hair as she doles out platitudes to her brood.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Or the Gilmore Girls – urrrrgh.

20 09 2010
pb

no, the mother in gilmore girls was too young and hip (or supposed to be, at least) to wear millers.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Gilmore girls was designed by the devil to annilate brain cells.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Shirley watched half of one episode and got Carparknesia – she probably cant even remember watching it.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

You must be right Viv, because I don’t even know what Gilmore Girls is.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Shirley, It’s the tale of a kunt called Lorelei and her daughter who have to move back home with her mother. I don’t know why but I think it’s made by fundy Christians for the middle American market.You’d be more entertained looking for your car.

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Oldies, for whom little else, beyond the cheaparsed Kmart stuff, remains that doesn’t offend their sensibilities. Even my 83 year old Nanna thinks some of the clothes on sale there are dowdy!

20 09 2010
SD

Good point BoT. Modest clothing just doesn’t exist anymore. Not that I am against “immodest” clothing but if you are culturally conditioned to cover yourself up, it can be hard to find anything suitable and smart.

20 09 2010
bellastarkey

My grandma buys clothes in millers. She’s 86.

20 09 2010
vivisection

Is she a fan of Patti Newton?

20 09 2010
Pandabater

Who isn’t.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

I’m not. I’d like Tombarina to use her as a spork stabbing practice victim.

20 09 2010
BigPanda

Oh, you are sooo sick Pandabater….sick, sick, sickkk….

20 09 2010
Pendant

The shopping centre at Robina has two Woolworths not more than 200m from each other and one of those has a Coles opposite. And they were built new like that, so they’ve got no excuse.

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Then again, what do you expect in the Gold Coast, this Surface Paradise?

20 09 2010
AlyssaKT

Sufferer’s Parasite it is not. Robina…

20 09 2010
AlyssaKT

Ha – oops – I just posted the same below!
I must note, your 200m measurement is “as the crow flies” and certainly further if you risk walking there through the bogans.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

You hipster northcotians need to venture outside your cool suburb and have a look at the wider range of bogan shopping centres in melbourne. Southlands, Norfpoint, south point, etc etc.

Go to Northlands, the true home of the all round bogan. NAB OSB and CUB all frequent this place..so much so they needed to build a bigger car park to fit all those maxtreme cars.

Funny thing is this shopping centre is always packed at anytime of the day and it’s located right bang in the middle of west berg…and if anyone knows the berg they know about west ‘berg…argh.

20 09 2010
vivisection

I don’t have a car or drive, so I get the bus to Northcote plaza for kicks on occasion. I went to Knifepoint once and vowed to never return. Same with Chadstone and Norflands. I avoid large malls at all costs. I start to go postal after about 9 minutes in them.

21 09 2010
FT

Ahhh, good ol’ Norflands in west ‘berg… Such a disgrace!

What I can’t understand is why they needed to build a bigger car park when it is the car theft capital of Victoria. Surely with all those cars being taken, there would be (a) less patrons willing to use cars to get there; and (b) more vacant car parks.

Where are all these cars coming from that fill up the “new and improved” car park? I’m going with some sort of parallel dimension containing only car manufacturers who feed their new products through to our dimension via a wormhole directly on top of the Norflands car park.

20 09 2010
AlyssaKT

Sounds like a good theory on the Coles duplicates TBL, however Robina Town Centre on the Gold Coast (a large centre with Myer soon to be added to David Jones and all of the other generic national stores) now has 2 Woolworths. One in the older section, and another just opened in the new – approximately 600m from each other (through the gauntlet).
Apparently they decided there was enough demand for both! Crazy.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

See I don’t really go to shops, it causes severe depression in me. If you ever read of someone completely loosing the plot in a shopping mall I am likely to be it.

20 09 2010
William Shatner pants

Love people watching down at Northcote Plaza. Hours of fun guessing who made a plastic bag worthy purchase, and whose plastic bag is actually their handbag.

20 09 2010
Tone

George Romero could never remake ‘Dawn Of The Dead’ in Australia. Who’d believe for one minute that zombies would go a Westfield to nom on some brains? I guarantee they’d all leave on empty stomachs, even if they happened to invade on a Saturday.

20 09 2010
Coffeesnob

A car park in Canberra has a sensor system on every space which relays to large digital displays how many given spaces are available per floor and even per row. Does this deter the bogan from stalking shoppers returning to their vehicles or doing endless laps to find a closer space? Not a chnce.

20 09 2010
20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

So, no train service to Frankston huh. Got no choice but to drive I guess.

20 09 2010
brad

Frankston train station is a much more dangerous option too ones health and well-being than driving around sloshed

20 09 2010
Pendant

Opening sentence: “If you drink then drive, the last place you want to be is Frankston.” WTF does that even mean? Are they telling me it’s ok to drink and drive elsewhere? Or maybe just acknowledging the fact that no matter what you do the last place you want to be is Frankston? I really wished you hadn’t tricked me into clicking that link, I think my mind is melting

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

pfft frankston? Apart from a few inner city trendy hubs this can be applied to nearly all of melbourne TBH.

When i first moved to Melbourne the thing that shocked me the most was the amount of bogans everywhere..i mean everywhere.

If anything melbournes culture is not it’s own but imported by immigrants and people from other states, namely sydney. I visited melbourne in the early 90s and it was far from this cultured city hence why i didnt move down back then. It was all football, rats tails, mullets and acid wash jeans with a duffle coat. Everyone back then dressed this way.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Artie, I think it is widely agreed that Melbourne is the heart of Boganity.

20 09 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

Ummm… Gold Coast?

Everytime I’ve visited Brisbane or Perth I’ve seen a bogan punch on.

26 years of living in Melbourne and I’ve only seen one fight – it was teenage emos. Seeing their stupid fringes flying was pretty hilarious!

20 09 2010
Mick

Don’t compete, just accept that they are everywhere.

Look over your shoulder. I would hazard a guess that there will be one in view right now.

20 09 2010
Whistling Nixie

Emo fight? I can just see it now… “You mess with me, and I’ll slash YOUR wrists instead of my own”

20 09 2010
Sten

Indeed, I was going to ask whether they were fighting over who got to use the razor blade first.

20 09 2010
Whistling Nixie

“I can spurt blood from my wrists further than you” [collapses]

21 09 2010
Sten

We wish, we wish.

21 09 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

It was ouside the Hungry Jacks on Swanston St.
One girl wailed “Why is life so shit?” but all I could think was “Yes the children of Darfur are also upset about the price of hairspray”.

At least goths have a sense of humour (not about themselves though)

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

More news from the West…

Perth—which has the highest car ownership rate per-capita in Australia and one of the highest in the world—has an obscene amount of inner-city parking compared to Melbourne or Sydney.

However, the Perth City Council and the other inner-suburban councils (Vincent, Subiaco and Cambridge, as well as Fremantle) have got wise to the propensity for bogans to attempt to shoehorn their oversized conveyances into these increasingly dense localities, thus have been either increasing their parking tariffs or introducing paid parking to areas which, until now, had been free. Simultaneously, most of these councils have been valiantly attempting to render the streets of these areas even less car-friendly, by either restricting the lanes available to through traffic or/and reducing the number of street parking bays available, to improve both pedestrian amenity and general aesthetics by means of landscaping and new pavement treatments.

Something of a departure of the old PCC campaign for its parking stations (they compete with the likes of Wilson and others, being usually cheaper than either), which had the motif of Percy, an old pink Fiat 500 Cinquecento, with the motto “your car’s as welcome as you are!”.

20 09 2010
hel

I work in the Perth CBD and I have a free parking space = wanker/bogan. I live directly on the 21 bus route which goes directly to the city and I still drive because I know I have a spot right smack bang next to work. Oh sweet jesus I am a bogan

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
20 09 2010
Shirley M

The irony of that bush pig judging the best and worst dresses is too much for me. Too much!

Why the f*ck does anyone care about what the football sluts wear anyway? Why does anyone care about the stupid Brownlow? Why does anyone care about football? Where did I park my car?

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I will be watching the Brownlow but not for the swamp donkeys.

20 09 2010
pb

i think the swamp donkeys is the best reason to watch the brownlow – as long as you have a strong disposition and alcohol handy. i’d suggest a drinking game, but you’d likely have alcohol poisoning in the first five minutes.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We all have different motivations. A good drinking game is to scull everytime a no name player takes votes off a star and the star looks pissed off.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I guess it’s too much to ask that she is employed for the irony rather than any actual talent or knowledge. Yeh, yeh here I go again with people being rewarded for talent instead of flashing over inflated mammaries.

20 09 2010
pb

this does have to stop, simon, or next you’ll be asking for intelligence to be seen as more important than knowing every season of australian idol.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

it’s amazing isn’t it? This weekend every conversation i heard was about football. Bloody football!

And the guy who is suppose to win this silly prestigious award thing is a certified thug!

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/collingwoods-dane-swan-joined-in-savage-attack-jury-told/story-e6frf7jo-1225767918787

Football..bloody football. A bunch of losers who were not smart enough to do anything remotely interesting with their lives so they have to kick a bloody pigskin around, chase it and then kick it again to tumble it pick it up and kick it again, while being cheered on by a bunch of toothless uneducated morons.

F&*k football!

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Artie,
They do that in Mongolia too ,except the pig is still in the pigskin.

20 09 2010
Shirley M

I agree wholeheartedly.

20 09 2010
pb

well the nrl one (whatever it is called) was one by serial moron todd carney.

20 09 2010
Mick

Go Saints!

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

I just dont understand how people can be obsessed over sport?

“If so and so win this weekend and i die i duunn care”

Why?

20 09 2010
Mick

I guess they would ask you how someone can be so obsessed about art or music or whatever you’re into.

I’ve played different sports at some fairly high levels and can recognise and understand the challenges of playing a game at the levels these people do. That’s why I enjoy it.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

At least it’s got substance.

What does playing sport teach you? How to be competitive and an absolute cunt in order to win the prize?

No wonder australians are certified cunts who need to turn anything and everything into some sort of competition.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Artie, sport is one of the few things without a guaranteed outcome (except in Pakistan). You can attend a sporting event genuinely not knowing who will win, what will happen and that makes it exciting. The bulk of movies, books etc you generally know where it’s heading so for me this is the attraction.

Also like Mick I like to play sport (cycling in my case) so it is also great to watch something you love being performed at the highest level.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

I don’t mind sport if it’s just a secondary thing people watch or participate in to entertain themselves.

I just don’t like it being pushed in my face all the bloody time. Even when i have escaped to regional places..sport is the only thing people have in common and want to talk about…well football to be more precise.

20 09 2010
Mick

I think another thing to remember is how close the people in a sports club can get. It is like an extended family.

When you think of how isolated society has become it’s easy to understand how the lonely souls can grasp at some perceived connection and maybe yes, become obsessed like you say.

21 09 2010
FT

Mick, I’m pretty sure that sort of thinking was responsible for the Jonestown massacre as well as Scientology…

20 09 2010
Sten

Unless you’re into the A-League, and a fan of Sydney FC (as I am). The outcome is guaranteed, at least it seems that way right now.. what the fuck happened in the off-season?

20 09 2010
brad

go Pies

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
obsession with any sport is a shure indicator of an arrested mental development. Most often the most obsessive ate the spectators. just shows it is only the wire fence that separates the players obsession from the spectators obsession

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I resemble that remark.

20 09 2010
vivisection

That dress in nude tones makes her look like a tangerine whale wearing a band-aid.

20 09 2010
Pendant

Uh oh, looks like someone outed themselves as subscribing to news.com.au’s rss feed

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Who, where, I’ll glass the carnt.

20 09 2010
spewy

Oh why did I click on that link? I now feel giddy and more than a little nauseated. You warning should have said ‘Those of a sensitive disposition should refrain from viewing’.

20 09 2010
Whistling Nixie

I saw the letters “kak” in the URL, and imagined it being lower-case, i.e. the Afrikaans word for “shit”.

21 09 2010
vivisection

And the Brownlow Prize for Dressing Like a Sequined Hog 2010 goes to Brynne Edlesten!!!! yaaaaaaay!! What a surprise, nobody saw it coming..

20 09 2010
distinguished gentleman

I always laugh at the bogans walking back to their car with their latest purchase from Chickenfeed, a crappy TV or DVD player, and trying to make eye contact with everyone, just to make sure they have been noticed, and get their ego boost…….long sentence I know……..

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

This is the infuriating thing about australian culture. It’s not only bogans, but wogans and everyone else engaging in this sort of narcissistic behaviour. They make sure what ever they purchase is strategically placed so the brand is seen at all angles. Yeah i know branding has been covered to death on this blog..but why oh why are australians so obsessed with branding themselves in order to be one up over another fellow bogan. Where does this behaviour stem from and why is it prevalent more in Australia than any other country i have visited in the past 2 years? It seems the GFC has brought the rest of the world back to reality with a bang.

I really think Australia needs to go through a really bad depression for it to find it’s soul back. ATM Australia and it’s citizens have no soul from my experiences and having been back home in the past 6 weeks.

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Artie,
and pray tell where is it that you have been that is full of soul ?
The American deeeeeep south ?
Tibet?

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

Why would i want to visit a country (USA) that eerily resembles the place i left?

And i don’t need to brag about where i have been. All i know is my negative perception of this country has all the more been enhanced by experiencing some truly wonderful peoples and culture who still have a soul and who enlightened me more than this country and inhabitants have.

Anyhoo now i need to go shopping for a new 4WD cause my neighbour upgraded and i just can’t live with the thought of having something lesser than he does!!!

20 09 2010
vivisection

You’ll need a karcher too. I don’t know what a karcher is, but some bogues at my dog park all lend each other a karcher, so I assume you will need one.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

As long as it’s got a stereo i can turn up to 11!

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It’s a pressurised water sprayer, designed especially for dickheads who love to wash their driveways in spite of water restrictions—speaking of which, metropolitan Perth will have to suffer even tighter water restrictions this Summer, due to inadequate Winter rains, but still quite lax compared to Melbourne or Brisbane, whereby now Perth households can only use their tapwater sprinklers once a week per station for 15 minutes rather than twice weekly (borewater users only have to observe the 0900-1800 restriction).

Back to those knobjockeys too lazy to sweep their driveways: here’s a video from about the only non-bogans of the suburban Mornington Peninsular, The Fauves, with “I’ll Work When I’m Dead”:

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Get a Hummer dude. No one will beat that. You just won’t be able to park…..

20 09 2010
vivisection

or better yet, get a stretch hummer, in 24 carat gold. with glitter in the paint job.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is there any other kind?

20 09 2010
Mick

Will there be a tangerine whale in the passenger seat?

20 09 2010
vivisection

http://www.hummerlimos.com.au/hummer-party-photo-gallery.htm

Look at these pictures – the child dressed in full animal print hurts my eyes.

20 09 2010
pb

i had a look at their fleet, too. i don’t know if i’ve seen a car uglier than this: http://www.hummerlimos.com.au/triaxle-hummer-limousine.htm

20 09 2010
pb

bloody hell it has 4 televisions and 6 bars.

20 09 2010
vivisection

and smoke machines – I always look for smoke machines when renting a car.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

How sad that there is a demand for this sort of crassness.

4 TV’s?

What exactly for?

Is it for the CUB so he can play 4 different types of anal porn while cruising the main streets with 4 hired hookers (who scream stuff out of the windows to passers bys) thinking he is some kind of rock star for the night?

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

1 for porn, 1 for sport, 1 for Idol updates and the last 1 Ministry of Sound DVD.

20 09 2010
SD

That’s got nothing on the planes of the really rich and not so famous wankers

http://gawker.com/5615425/inside-the-private-planes-of-arms-dealers-and-heads-of-state

20 09 2010
vivisection

I could live with that bathroom on the plane – the silver room is likea bad taste sci-fi nerdy horrormobile. Who gets paid to decorate these?

20 09 2010
pb

i noticed they were all the same in their desire to be gaudy and different. arms dealers and heads of regimes are really just bogans it would seem.

20 09 2010
SD

I have no idea who designs these. Whoever does it must have a simple brief – maxtreme magpie+ megalomaniac.

20 09 2010
Whistling Nixie
20 09 2010
Shirley M

The interior of one of those things looks like a flippin’ liquorice allsort.

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nom nom.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

i LOL at the hummer comment.

The bogans jealousy will soon turn to moral outrage, as it always does, judging with a comment along tyhe lines of “look at him with his hummer destroying the environment what a complete arsehole”all the while peaking through the window of their macmansion and their yet to be paid 4WD is sitting on the driveway due to their garage being filled with environmentally unfriendly plastic crap made in china.

That was a long sentence.

20 09 2010
Sten

And neon undercarriage-lighting. Oh, and those spinning hubcap things that bellow “the owner of this vehicle has it all… with the exception of taste, dignity and brain cells”.

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Artie,
You obviously have been visiting the wrong parts of Australia. Try to get away from Frankston.
Now with the $x$, make sure you get the largest aftermarket tyres on it ,Yellow high lift “old man emue” shockers and a bull bar with winch . A large towrope , a highlift jack cliped to the rear door and the mandatory brace of Cibie Driving lights and a couple of whip aerial s. A roo spotting light with through the roof control handle for the spotter to use and a gun rest on the drivers side front door.
No if that does not intimidate the next doors try bonking his wife bent over the bonnet.

20 09 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, do your circus caravans have all those extras? Or is it just you and the all the other carnies that enhance the performance?

20 09 2010
James Hunter

Pete Baabe,
I do not want you perving on my “bull bar”

20 09 2010
Shirley M

You know what would be great? If you and Peter grew the f*ck up and stopped annoying the rest of us with your juvenile and obnoxious ‘banter’.

Please?

20 09 2010
Peter

It’s really pathetic how you take yourself so seriously. Funny to observe though.

25 09 2010
James Hunter

Shirl, maybe I develope a potty mouth to better fit in ?

20 09 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, you’re a soul man…

20 09 2010
James Hunter

The Blues Brothers was the one

20 09 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, with humour like that you really ought to be on the Matty Johns Show.

20 09 2010
martin

100% agree Artie. We truly have become a nation of god awful wankers. Or at the very least they are setting the overall tone.

20 09 2010
martin

The problem is that the bogan thinks that it is immune from being a wanker because of the old ingrained sterotype that only rich people are wankers. And then on top of that you’ve got all the people that have become wankers anyway like your 4WD soccer mums and investment bankers. A lot of the libtards have become really precious as well.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

We have become a country that feels it is entitled to everything.

Not just bogans but the whole lot of us. A really disturbing kind of arrogance.

Consumer culture with big car parks..gotta love it eh!

20 09 2010
martin

I wouldn’t mind if they did real work for a living. But half or more of them are a bunch of two bit retards riding a ponzi scheme. You’ve dead set got single mothers on welfare with investment property empires. I saw that on Today Tonight. It makes me sick.

20 09 2010
Sten

Hear hear, Martin.

20 09 2010
distinguished gentleman

I have seen of enough of Dr Edelsten’s frankenstein on tv this week. Do the stations actually think we want to see her? An American who brings her fluid filled chest to Melbourne just to be Queen Of The Bogans? I think she needs to go and meditate alone for three months, she might get a realistic grasp of her existence.

20 09 2010
hel

“All too often, the evening will end with the bogan performing “the stranger” on itself parked further from the McDonalds than its earlier preening location. ”

Thank you TBL for once again causing me to laugh loudly and inappropriately during the course of my day at work. How am I supposed to hide the fact I am online when you create these cunundrums?

20 09 2010
pommie

Another one is where the Bogan is so lazy they park their skip on wheels on the carpark access roads (which is obviously signposted ‘no parking’) Even though 50 metres away are spare parking spaces.

20 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I’m surprised General Motors hasn’t cashed in on the Bogan’s love of car parks…they’re the must have item this summer! I can imagine it now at the Sydney car show: the velvet curtain opens and the spotlights focus on an empty revloving carousel…

“New from Holden, a space!”

20 09 2010
vivisection

There should be an orange topless woman with massive cans gyrating suggestively across the empty space. And a smoke machine.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

also giving out heavily branded caps and stickers that the bogan will proudly advetise for free while selling their soul to the devil!

It all started with the “blah blah rocks “

20 09 2010
devil's advocate

And shamelessly plagiarising a Seinfeld routine from 10 years ago…

For those that missed it, he was saying that parking in NYC is like a game of musical chairs but everyone sat down in the 70’s.

20 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Well, isn’t all plagiarism shameless? It really goes without saying…plus that joke is at least 15-20 years old, so it was due to be dusted off and rehashed in a new context…

Well played by the way, you really are the devil’s advocate!

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

I always though that the bogans favourite car park in Melbourne was the Monash / South Eastern Freeway. Always bumper-to-bumper traffic that comes to a standstill because of lane closures and roadworks that are never finished because you never see anyone actually working and it takes them to the bogan hotbed area of Fountain Gate, Hallam, Narre Warren, Berwick etc.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

Ahh Melbourne and it’s bloody roadworks! The monash has been one HUGE construction mess since i can remember. You go from 100 ro 60 back to 80 back to 60 then having to merge then back to 80 and finally the small stretch before it ends is 100 and looks like it hasnt been touched in 20 years!

Labor are masters at this deception..making it look like they are always fixing the roads and doing good when in fact they have done nothing and created nothing but more traffic!

Also it’s to keep the road gangs and the CUB working..how many times have you driven past roadworks in melbourne and there are 20 guys all digging one hole. In the old days it only used to be 3 or 4.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

And because Labor is so incompetent, the only way they can pay for everyone to sit on the SE Carpark is by getting ShittyLink to toll drivers for the privilege!

But in Labor speakfrom their propaganda, “It’s all in the plan.” While it is a cr@p plan, I do find it surprising that they actually have a plan at all.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

I am gob smacked how incompetent this government is! Countless bloody stuff ups costing a shitload and then having the hide to introducing what i call an “incompetent tax on their behalf” to reclaim the loss! Not only that brumby then banks on the new tollways being a cashcow in speed camera fines, decides to implement them all over the tollway from start to finish AND when this doesn’t work he decides that in name of road safety non blackspots in melbourne need a speed and red light camera!

if it’s at the bottom of the hill ever better!

With his hands on his hips and that condescending tone he uses, he tells us they are essential in ensuring the safety of victorians.

And the sad thing with an upcoming election once again there is no real opposition or choice and we will be stuck with brumby and his incompetent government for another term.

Build more car parks brumby!

20 09 2010
pb

come to new south wales – we’ve had 15 years of it. the liberals would have won the last election in a landslide if then-opposition leader peter debnam had just kept his mouth shut and his clothes on.

20 09 2010
Sten

And you really want that, pb? Intead of incompetent Catholic wankers running the show, you’d have incompetent Protestant wankers running the show.

As an Antheist, it’s all the same to me, except for my deep distrust of the Liberal Party.

20 09 2010
pb

i really want neither, but i don’t think that the entirety of the labor and liberal parties in this state are going to spontaneously combust.

21 09 2010
Sten

Perhaps I can assist…

Now where’d I leave that flamethrower…?

20 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My lord I have a cunning plan – something like that methinks.

Labor – Making Baldrick look intelligent.

20 09 2010
Nelson Esq

Invariably with Baldrick, that plan involves a turnip. With Labor, it’s White elephants.

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Sadly, the Wiberwals aren’t much better at all either: they either do nothing and allow the road infrastructure to be worn out to within an inch of its life, or like Bloody Jeff Kennett, they do commission new roadworks, but then outsource not only the construction to their mates (who also keep the CUB in employment, vying too for their votes), but then sell the operation rights for a song and allow those spivs to charge exorbitant tolls that not so much pay for the road’s upkeep, instead first going into their pockets and those of their shareholders prior to any maintenance allocations.

I have no problem with the idea of a user-pays system on premium quality expressways, but only if the money was diverted strictly to paying for the construction and maintenance involved and a percentage to subsidise public transport and cycleways, and only if it were owned and operated by the relevant government authorities. As for private tollways, they’re a con and given the aforementioned almost-continuous roadworks on Melbourne’s M1, I think that Transurban have a cheek to charge on those sections that are subject to these delays.

20 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

Thats just too much effort. Just keep the roadworks happening..image is everything it seems!

Speaking of cons..

I remember in Sydney when the cross city tunnel opened the council in cahoots with the private owner decided to change, without really warning the locals, the roads and forcing people to drive and use these tollways. Two way streets became one way over night and people who used these roads were caught out and forced to use to pay because they couldnt exit the tunnel.

I am sure its been changed but yeah a big con!

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Similar story happened with the Lane Cove Tunnel on the Metroad 2/M2 Motorway: there was some degree controversy over the application of traffic-calming devices and reduction of lanes along Epping Road, which at one level served to make the tolled tunnel a more attractive proposition; a subtle form of coercion.

However, this has been mitigated by the fact that in reducing the lanes on Epping Road, there have been dedicated public transport lanes put into place.

Nonetheless, these didn’t stop the owners of this tunnel going into receivership when the projected traffic volumes didn’t materialise: one of those typical “privatise the profits, socialise the losses” scenarios.

20 09 2010
brad

if i remember it was Bracks who promised “no tolls” on the Eastern Freeway and then proceeded too toll it.

20 09 2010
Tombarina

For reasons far too traumatic to repeat, I spent (read: squandered) yesterday afternoon at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre at some loathsome kid’s production (read: merchandising festival).

The crowd was bogue-heavy, and the slow escape from the car park provided ample opportunity for bogan parents to demonstrate their madd driving skillz’n’$ht to carloads of JaXXXXsynns and Tamikkhyas.

Changing lanes at snails’ pace – the equivalent of warp speed out of that hellhole – I had the temerity to hold up a line of traffic for at LEAST 4 seconds. I was put in my place by a be-wheeled cliche, who roared past screaming “dumb ^&*&%in’ sl#t f@*^n’ b!t(h” while waving around his finger (attached to a tribal-tatted arm). He was driving a Chevrodore, with five kids on board. He threw a drink bottle at my car.

If I hadn’t had a friend’s fairly traumatised 7yo in tow, it would have been funnier.

20 09 2010
urbanreverie

I hope you’ve learnt your lesson, Tomba. Next time, catch the train to Boondall. 😉

Bogans (well, the new-age/cashed-up sort of bogan anyway) would rather eat a tin of Pal than willingly leave home without being enveloped in a 1500kg iridescently-painted steel-and-velour security blanket.

Maybe it’s this insecurity which compels the bogan to park as close to the shopping centre entrance as possible, so that the bogan spends the absolute minimum of time away from its blanket.

And of course, being surrounded by one-and-a-half tonnes of steel gives one the coward’s courage to abuse random women like what happened to you yesterday. 😦

20 09 2010
brad

I used too always be able too get a parking spot near the shopping centre entrance.Due too the untimely death of my childless auntie i inherited her 1976 Gemini(no one else wanted it) while it was a bomb it did have one feature worth its weight in gold-a disabled card.For two and a half years i milked that baby until some over-zealous security attendent at chaddy saw me run out to make the bank.When i got back he said he’d ring the cops to get me checked out if he saw me in a disabled spot again-what a bogan.I should have put her old wheel chair (which my flat-mate used as a surrogate remote control for the 1970,s tv we had) in the car as well.

21 09 2010
devil's advocate

gemini’s are win.

21 09 2010
lol-plates

especially with a buik 3.8 😛

21 09 2010
devil's advocate

piazza turbo or nothing.

20 09 2010
urbanreverie

The car park on my uni campus is rather strange – it is long and narrow, with the sole entrance up one end and the sole exit up the other, connected by a long one-way aisle. There are parking bays either side of the aisle, and the aisle is not wide enough to overtake.

The uni authorities have placed signs quite prominently throughout the car park – NO WAITING! Because it holds everyone else up behind you and the queue can stretch way out onto the road outside.

But every time I park at uni (which I sometimes have to do if I’m picking up or returning equipment), I get held up by people stalking other people who they think might be about to leave, or motorists who think it’s a smashing idea to stop in the middle of the aisle, put on the parking brake, get out of their car, buy their pay’n’display tickets (taking their sweet little time to fish for correct change), and THEN go hunt for a space. And who are these miscreants holding everyone else up?

Always – ALWAYS! – young gum-chewing boguettes with straight bottle-blonde hair, black eyebrows and lashes, far too much makeup,, driving cheap Asian-made hatchbacks, sometimes with “Magic Happens” or frangipanni stickers.

And this is at one of the country’s premier technological institutions, where people are supposed to be smart and unboganlike. :~(

20 09 2010
Trent

It happens everywhere. The Bogans have successfully infiltrated every part of our country. THE END IS NIGH!

Imagine a world with only Bogans. They would probably regress technologically back to the tribal stage.

20 09 2010
Mick

Can’t see it. If technology stops dead then how is the bogan going to continue being more maxXxtreme? No, the bogan needs technology to devolve.

What will happen is that the bogan will round up the smart people and make them live in cages while they invent shit’n’stuf.

20 09 2010
Antosha

I say… Where is the picture from? Surely there is no such car parking mecca in Australia? Actually it looks a bit like Jakarta…

20 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I’m not sure myself, either: the low resolution of the image makes it hard to determine what side the steering wheel is in any car there (thus whether it is a keep-left or keep-right country)…hell, I cam barely make out what types of vehicles populate this sprawling bitumen stain!

I might have a stab in the dark, but maybe either somewhere like Dallas in the USA (another high per-capita car ownership city on a global scale) or perhaps some city in China, where the take-up of private motor vehicles has been both staggering and sobering, thus having to fashion makeshift parking infrastructure post-haste to accommodate this newfound passion.

21 09 2010
urbanreverie

Hi Turnips,

Urban Reverie, Geographic Sleuth to the rescue! 🙂 I just did about ten minutes of digging around. The car park is in Bangkok. It’s a park’n’ride facility at the Mo Chit Skytrain station. You can see it on Google Maps here:

http://bit.ly/bs2YqO

I’ve got no idea why there’s so much double parking. I know that people in staff car parks often double park because everyone knows everyone else is going to leave at more or less the same time. But at a park’n’ride?

Haha, goodness me that’s some impressive sleuthing. One of the other guys put that photo up, and I was secretly hoping that someone would manage to identify where it actually was. We dips our lids. TBL

21 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Well done, urbanreverie!

I’ll have to check that out some point before long.

I have heard that Bangkok is particularly notorious for its ever-increasing traffic congestion; I’ve never been there myself beyond waiting in the transit lounge at the old airport years ago while waiting on a refuelling stop en route to Italy. No burning desire to experience the ping pong banana ladyboys of Patpong Road.

22 09 2010
vivisection

BOT : Be warned – hideous does not even come close to describing Bangkok. Vile nearly makes it. Unless you enjoy things extraordinarily hot, humid, sweaty, polluted, stinky and filled with heinous Ausbogues arguing with peasants over $2 Nike knock of socks and crap. Then there are the pick pockets, incessant liar Tuk Tuk drivers and the simple fact that every single local person one encounters assumes you are both stupid and ripe for the picking. I only went because of the song 1 Night in Bangkok, but I booked for 4 nights. Could not get the F#ck out of their fast enough.

22 09 2010
SD

Not a fan of BKK but didn’t mind it either.

Then again, we went on the wat (temple) trail and that takes you away from the tourist part of the city and the traffic. Its quite interesting provided you have a historical bent of mind.

22 09 2010
SD

Viv, I saw the end of 4 weddings for you just to check who won. It looked rather lacklustre, I think I was expecting OTT.

22 09 2010
vivisection

I watched it all last night, did you see the tangerine bride/model do her three minute contemporary dance routine for her guests, with smoke machine, fireworks and being swung around above her groom’s head?
I do agree that this episode wasn’t as good as the previous two though.

22 09 2010
SD

I saw the last bits of the Bollywood wedding (pathetic) and the final results. But the tangerine bride sounds hideous.

21 09 2010
Gazza

I’m sorry to hijack thread. I’m at work and can’t dally but I had to share.

The name of a client’s daughter on this form is Briny. Yes, Briny. Not Briony or Bryony or any other variation of a real name……Briny.

Like in “the briny deep” or “a briny sea dog”. The kid’s first name is salty.

I pity the human race if it’s true that these people are breeding faster than humans….

21 09 2010
vivisection

Is tiny Briny, winy?

21 09 2010
pb

when she hurts her hiney.

21 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Then she’s not so finey…

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I’m guilty of this – I spent half my youth hanging out in the Miranda Fair carpark cause it was a place where I could smoke weed on the quiet.

2 02 2011
The Masked Commenter

I rarely park inside, i always just park where i know i can get a park, who cares if i have to walk a few extra metres. What i really hate is people who stalk me when walking back to my car so they can take my space. I always walk much slower than normal and take my time when starting my car etc…just for fun

25 06 2014
franz chong

How did Car Parks get into this list.What really annoys me is in the better parts of town how parking is at a premium and one has to circle the lot numerous time to find a spot.Westfield Marion in South Australia would have to be one of the worse though It takes an eternity to get a space.

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