Bogan Bribe Watch – September 10th

10 09 2010

Finally, it is done.

After months of both parties attempting to deny the need for bogan bribes, the parliamentary deadlock required phenomenal amounts of Independent MP bribes instead. After a stupefyingly lengthy press conference, Rob Oakeshott finally windbagged his way to announcing support for a Gillard Government on Tuesday afternoon.

So how did they get the verbose one to direct his clichés and his support towards the “red team”? Here’s a quick rundown of the Independent MP bribes that have flung at Katter, Windsor, and Oakeshott; collectively known as the WindOtter.

After tossing ten billion dollars at regional Australia, which hereafter is restricted to the area between Port Macquarie and Tamworth, and offering to reupholster Tasmania, the newly-minted minority government managed to dig up funds for bribes which prior to election day were not forthcoming for bogans. Bogans living in western Sydney must now wait another three years before receiving their triennial influx of election funding.

So, after months of faux-austerity, and weeks of surprise largesse, what has the bogan taught us about Australia over the course of election 2010?

The bogan will loudly voice its displeasure at both major parties (most likely due to the marked absence of major bribes), cast an informal vote, then loudly voice its displeasure that one major party or the other fails to form government, leaving them in the hands of ‘unelected’ independents. The bogan only considers politicians legitimate if they voted directly for them. The bogan believes in democracy only insofar as the side it prefers wins.

The bogan will complain on election day that it has to trudge down to the local primary school to exercise the democratic duty that millions throughout history have fought and died for. It will then ravenously and happily eat a sausage, before complaining again that it is still hungover and is going to donkey vote. Having professed such distaste for democratic processes, it then learns that government is not formed, and insists on another election. The bogan, like its inability to handle tied sporting events, or films with ambiguous endings, is ill-equipped to wait for more than three days before demanding any unresolved event be repeated.

The election period has also reinforced the long-held TBL view that while the bogan will take any opportunity to loudly yowl about the state of Australia, its decision-making is ultimately a product of pure, unadulterated self-interest. Unless the bogan is lunging greedily towards a big, juicy bogan bribe, the bogan voting bloc is about as difficult to organise as a herd of kangaroos.

But for once, the Bogan has not gotten its way. Finally, following the endless weeks of boring, interminable speculation of politicians and TV pundits, with nary a redhead or speedos joke to tickle the bogan’s lol-valve, the bogan has developed democracy fatigue, and switched off entirely from the process.  The independents are surely aware of this, and will have to wait for their moment before stabbing Gillard in the back. This will probably be after the next series of Masterchef has thoroughly cleansed the bogan’s collective memory of this dark and traumatic period of nothingness.

Now that the WindOtter has selected our Prime Minister, we here at TBL feel that we can hang up our Bogan Bribe Watching binoculars, and can return to cataloguing the bogan’s various ineptitudes and illogics. This means we’re short a regular Friday special. Does anyone have a suggestion as to what we should be reporting on at the end of each week? Whack them in the comments.

Thanks, TBL


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120 responses

10 09 2010
Shirley M

Ooh ooh, I get to be a pendant!

Please rectify the word placement of this sentence fragment: ‘any to opportunity loudly yowl’

Also, kangaroos does not require capitalization.

Sucked in regular pendants! I beat you.

Anyway, a very thorough summary of the lengthy election period from the BPOV, and many thanks for your work through the campaign and beyond. I will think on ideas for future friday posts and get back to you.

12 09 2010
Gazza

Um, it’s actually pedants 🙂 Pendants are items of jewellry.

12 09 2010
Gazza

LOL! Then I spell jewellery incorrectly…..suffer in my jocks!

12 09 2010
pb

the pendant/pedant thing is a recurring joke.

13 09 2010
James Hunter

wouldn’t want to be left hanging.

10 09 2010
James Hunter

Reupholster Tasmania, GOLD
TBL is “organising a herd of Kangaroos” like Herding Cats ?

10 09 2010
Benny Hill

Enjoyed the reupholstering as well.

10 09 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

“These sausages are crap. I want my $1.20 back. Now you know that volunteering at barbecues is for losers and not real work…”

10 09 2010
Shirley M

Maybe friday’s posts could be a boganic highlights of the week article? You know, stupid bogans in the meedja and that. No shortage of material, anyway.

10 09 2010
pb

i like this idea – some sort of bogue-of-the-week column.

10 09 2010
brad

“some sort of bogue -of-the-week column” is a bit bogan pb,sought of like Hughesey’s “tool of the week” segment on “before the game”.What about 10 best comments posted for the week(judged by TBL of course) -by best i mean they can be humourous,informitive,insightful or just a really great old fashioned rant,whatever choose your own adventure.

10 09 2010
pb

i claim ignorance – never watched before the game.

11 09 2010
brad

you should its really funny

10 09 2010
jep

So focusing on a particular person/entity or some boganitry in the news? Both of which I think are good.

10 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

Noice.
I like “Bogan of the Week”.
something a la Darwin Awards meets Max Lavergne.
It leads nicely into an annual award.
The Ministry of Bogue annual perhaps.

10 09 2010
Shirley M

The only problem I have with ‘Bogan of the Week’ is that often there may be more than one bogan who deserves to be ridiculed. I think it was Tombarina who suggested a kind of weekly round up format.

But, honestly, as long as we’re making fun of bogans, it’s all good with me.

10 09 2010
vivisection

The Bogies.

10 09 2010
vivisection

Thanks TBL for great friday reading. Given my penchant for Boguevision, I’d enjoy a round up / analysis of the weeks fatties, freaks, f#cked up neighbours and miracle cures as shown on ACA/TT/Sunrise and Today.
That is just being nasty though, I have no right to ask you guys to watch every episode. If I have any other kinder notions, I’ll be back.

10 09 2010
Tombarina

I second Viv’s suggestion.

I’d like a weekly round-up of bogue-related events. It could, like any news publication, be sectionalised – news and current affairs (TT, ACA, talkback radio highlights), entertainment (barely-clad slurries on sundry red carpets), sport and human interest (both terms used VERY loosely).

This could culminate with the crowning of the weekly BoB – Bogan of Bogans. To streamline matters, we could kick off by immediately promoting Shane Warne, Matthew Newton, Richard Wilkins, the Mason Twins (Willie Mason and Brendan Fevola) and Sam Newman into the Hall of Fame, thus opening up the field to less experienced bogan wankers.

I suggest a points-based merit system, leading up to a Logie/Brownlow-type annual awards ceremony, hosted by Daryl Somers and replete with pissed fools, red carpet, velvet rope and Brynne “Norks Ahoy” Edelston.

10 09 2010
Mick

Isn’t this already being done on TripleJ with the Friday Fuckwit?

10 09 2010
Tombarina

Didn’t know about FF. Will certainly seek it out now – thank, Mick.

10 09 2010
YB

I like the Bogan of the week awards and annual “The Low Brown” medal.

10 09 2010
Mick

No good can come of this. Because bogans think that contraception would be a cool band name and nothing else they have big families. Somewhere they will have a family member getting a bribe from one of these dodgy ‘unelected’ independents.

I fear if we had a Bastille the bogan would be storming it. But only if it was on the way home from the Centrelink office.

10 09 2010
martin

“The bogan believes in democracy only insofar as the side it prefers wins.”

So true. How feral were the comments on News Ltd.

I was briefly listening to 2GB in the car the other day and some old woman liberal voting bogan, you know the type that think’s it’s infallibly classy and respectable, no matter how many people they screw over, was saying how she was going down to Canberra to protest. A protest against democracy. Bloody hell, really showing their true colours.

10 09 2010
pb

maybe she was the same woman as the one on tv a few weeks ago yelling that she voted for tony abbott ‘because he’s going to look after MY money!!!’ screw what anyone else wants or needs.

10 09 2010
Peter

I recommend devoting all future Fridays to obtaining gainful employment for James Hunter.

10 09 2010
vivisection

Peter, You could do that on your blog – it might make it interesting.

10 09 2010
Peter

Nah, leave that to the same Job Network Providers that helped him create his website.

10 09 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Dont’ encourage him.He will end up with delusions of adequacy.i.e. Idears far above his station, which is probably Newtown.

10 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

but I like Newtown.
well…
I used to.

10 09 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, nobody gets off at Newtown anymore!

10 09 2010
Chairman Miaow

Bogan Bribe Watch or Pollie Bribe Watch – the unsubtle difference is captured here.
http://www.smh.com.au/business/tanner-cashes-in-with-lazard-advising-role-20100910-153t6.html
I’m rather depressed I have to say.

On to brighter things, I second Viv and Tombarina. A weekly round up of the best of ACA/TT would be rather sweet. I also love the idea of Bogues in the news – a kind of Court Report of latest schemes, scams and unrelenting idiocy. Much like the annual Darwin Awards, but dumber.

Wish me luck peeps – my bunch of in-our-40s reliving our yoof amateur musos is playing to a captive audience of aprox 400 tonight. Charity gig they’ve paid money for and unknowingly got us! We’ve dusted off Gimme Shelter, Bohemian Like You et al and we’re gonna rock em out. Yay.

10 09 2010
vivisection

Chairman M., sneak in Love my Way too – have fun!

10 09 2010
Chairman Miaow

I wish. Our girly vocalists don’t have that low a range, although one does a rocking version of Respect.

10 09 2010
Tombarina

Hey, mature dignity’s highly overrated – go hard and have a blast!

10 09 2010
Chairman Miaow

Dignity not a strong suit of mine. Ta!

10 09 2010
john scott

If you devoted every Friday to a sports roundup of racist/sexist/homophobic utterances by Aussie sporting legends/icons you would surely never run short of material.

10 09 2010
richosti

An idea for the regular friday post (not sure how this will go down as it is almost a pro bogan idea albeit with a slight twist):
How about a column that explores the feelings associated with non bogan’s expressing their boganity (ie i decided to wear my tracky daks to the shopping centre today and i felt bad/good/like committing suicide/moving to rooty hill/giving birth to 4 children and feeding them lollies all the time especially red ones etc etc). this could also be a readers experience column? – keep in mind we all have a bit of bogan in us somewhere (aka everyone is a bogan to someone).

The other idea would be to have a bogan pic of the week featured where readers can send in a pic of a “classic bogan” – see hot chicks with douchebags site for good examples http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

10 09 2010
bazza

“Bogan Issue of the Week” – where you point and laugh at the Bogan’s opinions on whatever News Limited story you find most amusing.

This week: Stephanie Rice uses gay slur, and instead of highlighting just how Rice has displayed an ugly show of sportsmanship and grace, bogans will gather around her, defending her, and then outlining how the word really isn’t that offensive because of its technical definition (“she calld them a bundel of sticks! get ova it!”).

10 09 2010
Mick

I liked this idea until I realised I would have to read News Limited.

This Rice thing…would the bogue be so quick to defend her if she looked like a busted pig?

10 09 2010
Dgusten

Actually, I reckon the major boganity in things like the Stephanie Rice “scandal” is the ridiculous “outrage” expressed in News Limited (and sadly, even Fairfax) comments boards, not to mention the tone of the articles reporting what “happened”.

I mean sure, you’ve got the Bogans who stick up for her and say idiotic things like “I can’t believe the gays are telling us what we can say” and (my favourite, given TBL #95) “Whatever happened to free speech?”.

But I find even worse the people that have blown a minor twitter comment completely out of proportion. Does anyone actually think that Stephanie is actually a homophobe and that she isn’t genuinely quite sorry and upset by the whole thing?

Some people are completely taking delight in the fact that a pretty and successful woman has f#cked up a bit. A particularly nasty case of tall poppy syndrome…

As a gay man, I get more pissed off at people making this a big deal on my behalf, and then giving idiots who make the “I can’t believe the gays are telling us what we can say” comments an opportunity to make such comments.

Much prefer the Matthew Mitcham approach – yes, she shouldn’t have said it, but she’s sorry, she’s learnt from it, and now let’s forgive her and move the f#ck on.

Anyway, there’ll no doubt be another example of this next week, which is why my suggestion for your new Friday blog is “Bogan Outrage Watch”.

(Or at least do a post about the fact that one of the Things Bogans Like is “Getting Outraged”)

10 09 2010
bazza

I understand that Rice meant no offence to anyone, and that she was revelling in victory, but I still think the “suck on that (insert whatever term you like here)” attitude a horrible display of poor sportsmanship. Not really something I’d expect from someone groomed by the AIS. Perhaps she should have kept her management? I agree that she’s being hauled over the coals a bit too much, but some of the defending arguments have been a bit… stupid.

I’d like to think that another TBL entry would be “Being a Lawyer” in that Bogans think they can wriggle out of any wrong doing by debating the semantics and context of what was said. Prime example from a while ago being Sam Newman weaseling out of his comments of him wanting to perform an act on a certain attractive MP by asserting that he was being taken out of context. “No, I was saying that I’d like her on the show. For her to come on! Her!”

I’ve seen it many times. One particular example being when I busted one placing the moves on my ex. “Nah, nah! I was only asking if she’d like to see my place! There’s nothing bad about that! I was inviting her around!” He then tried to punch me in the face.

10 09 2010
Dgusten

I don’t disagree with Stephanie’s lack of sportsmanship, but that wasn’t what this beat up was about, was it?

It’s almost like there’s widespread thinking amongst the somewhat more enlightend bogues of “Ooh, I know it’s bad to be homophobic, and therefore I have to get outraged by this in order to ensure that I don’t get labelled homophobic”.

Similar reaction, for example, to last year’s Hey Hey Black Face “act”, or the KFC fried chicken ad, but substitute “homophobic” with “racist”.

And as you rightly point out, you then get the less enlightened bogues sprouting their defence of the behavior in a completely unintelligent and obnoxious way.

The thing that sh!ts me is that that the media is what eggs the whole side-show along.

Conversely, Sam Newman is a d!ck, has had too many chances and refuses to be remotely remorseful for his f#ck ups. He therefore deserves all the outrage (faux and otherwise) he gets…

10 09 2010
bazza

yes, it’s true that sportsmanship wasn’t what the beat up was about, but my suggestion above was for TBL to analyse comments on media stories and then shoot down the bogaroo court. I raised the Rice example to highlight how people (bogans) see an issue and then simply jump in to defend/prosecute the more easily identifiable crime without any critical thought. In this case, instead of the headline being “Elite Australian Athlete with Poor Sportsmanship” (which, I would have thought would be a pretty serious thing, considering how Australians cherish their standing and image in world sport) it’s “Pretty Young Thing Uses Bad Word”. To me, she could have used any other pejorative term, and I’d be equally appalled at her behaviour.

But because the one word was easily seen, the focus went on that, and the media cheered it on as you said. People forget that it’s not the word, but the intent in which it is used. Same goes for gay kookaburras, black sheep and the like.

But yes… how the media manages to cheer it on from the sidelines and escape any kind of accountability is amazing. Even though Channel 7 were considering cutting Rice before this incident, would today’s story be anywhere near as prominent had she not done that twitter post?

I’d guess not. :/

10 09 2010
vivisection

DGusten, I agree with what you say about Matthew Mitcham – he showed some class. But I’ve got no sympathy for her at all. If she had used the word n!ggers instead of f@ggots, all hell would have, and should have broken loose. I don’t see much of a difference. They are both terms which can only be used negatively by people who don’t belong to the minority that have been vilified by the term. My taxes contribute to her elite training at the AIS and as far as i’m concerned she can show a bit of decorum and sensitivity if she is going to whore her new found fame out on twitter. Perhaps it has been media hyped, but all i can say is that maybe thats better than not being noticed or ignored.
I find the outrage of using the word gay in children’s songs ridiculous though.

10 09 2010
Dgusten

Understand your point, and don’t worry, I don’t go so far as to sypathise with her.

However, I’m not convinced she knew how bad what she said was – a 28 yo female colleague (a lawyer) honestly thought that “w@nker” meant gay until I informed her of its usual masturbatory meaning a week ago!

Therefore, the classy MM approach educates people that the word is inappropriate without preaching to them – pontificating only serves to turn people off the message.

(Meanwhile, without wanting to sound like I’m trying to be a lawyer (!), I think that n!ggers is quite a different word to f@ggots.

N!gger only gets used as an insult against black people, whereas f@ggot is frequently thrown at anyone, gay or straight.

If she’d said n!ggers she would have been blatantly racist if she said it about a black team, and as you said, all hell would and should have broken loose. But if she said it about a white team? Well, that just wouldn’t have made sense so was never going to happen.

In the context of what she was saying, f@ggots was synonomous with “wusses” or “pansies” or “girls” – if she’d said any of those, there wouldn’t have been the outrage (although contrast that with a guy calling them “girls”).

Which isn’t to say f@ggots is not a term of vilification. Just different to n!gger…)

10 09 2010
martin

Using that word when you get all that money for basically nothing. Really dumb! I don’t know why you’d call a bunch of rugby players that, bankers, real estate agents, politicans, sure.

11 09 2010
common man

@vivi..lol!! my tax dollars contribute?? lol!!!

11 09 2010
taranoir

I agree that people should move on and that the nastiness and tall poppy syndrome towards Rice is definitely over the top. However, I think that using synonyms for ‘gay’ in a derogatory way perpetuates homophobic attitudes in society, regardless of one’s intention when they say it (as a seemingly ‘harmless’ insult, a joke, or actually being homophobic).

I don’t think Stephanie Rice intended to offend anyone by her comment and probably just didn’t think it through. I feel a bit sorry for her, however I do have a big problem with comments like hers being a relatively normal thing to say among a lot of Australians. Her comment was a product of this norm, though she is a role model to some people so should be setting a better example.

Because of comments like these, Australians tend to grow up in an environment where the underlying notion that being gay is something ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, and that men who are not ‘macho’ and masculine should be subject to ridicule, which I believe has a lot to do with the incredibly high suicide rate for young gay men (6 times more than straight men). I think people should be a bit more aware of that.

11 09 2010
common man

@tara did you know there was more australian’s die from suicide than car crash’s last year numbering over 180,but yet that doesn’t stop the fear mongering by the goverment and police.The sooner suicide facts become less taboo in the media the better.Can any one answer how many westgate bridge jumpers there has been?No because that information is suppressed by the same people saying 3klm over the speed limit on a desserted highway will kill you

11 09 2010
James Hunter

CM,
SShhh,
Next thing they will have a speed camera under the Westgate bridge so they can fine the jumpers for speeding on the way down ! Next of kin will have to pay it and the deceased will attract four demerit points and have their ‘Licence To Jump ” suspended for twelve months. Repeat offenders will have their jupping shoes impounded or for the more serious offences they will be shreaded

11 09 2010
common man

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TOP WORK JH,But on a serious note i am employed by the contractor who owns those revenue raising tools,abielt in a different role,hence why i am sick of seeing overpaid/ underworked commonwealth employee’s.My work ethic should have me in a role with sandline instead maybe.ps where has fi been?

11 09 2010
James Hunter

CM,
Good Question,
Fi, Fi, Oh where art thou Fi ?

I do hope you have not been cavorting with Carnival Joyce or the Mad Hatter ?

11 09 2010
brad

got too love Vic though CM the only state in Aus where you get a breatherlizer in your car(even for first offences),the only state with a 3km tolerance for speeding,40 km,60km,40km,50 km,70km all the space of 1 km,the most mobile and fixed speed cameras per head of pop in the world,oh yes the war on motorists is at full tilt here in the glassin state.Just a shame our esteemed laboured government doesnt put as much zeal into public safety in our entertainment zones and public transport.

12 09 2010
common man

Hi brad,(laboured goverment lol!! wafer thin and overstreched is my assumption)Also a war on water by the sound of this article.BRUMBLEBUM Reminds VIC why we should not vote for him and the return of policys that like joan kerner would have bankrupted the state again!!!………http://ipa.org.au/news/2197/as-a-business-manager-victoria-doesn%27t-hold-water

12 09 2010
brad

ha ha your assumption is good but a bit off the mark-by laboured i refer too the hard labour us vics must endure and no matter how bad it seems the electorate keeps coming back for more.I guess its lick the boots that kick them syndrome.On the topic of road safety,a member of my wife’s family is a blue member and can remember him ranting about the “miss piggy” from NSW was a laboured puppet who was given a directive too put all her energies into the road safety agenda at the expense of other policing priorities,this was 7 yrs ago and he said they wanted too turn coppers into glorified RTA officers-he hates the laboured puppets in charge as do a majority of his colleages.

10 09 2010
common man

@mick yes,Due to the fact she used slang, eg:white maggots.It was clear as day her point, missconstrued by the lame media.There are too many sophists in our nanny state already thanks!!!

10 09 2010
Mick

I reckon that there is a direct correlation between the attractiveness of a bogan idol and the level of worship.

You didn’t see Jana Pittman or Cathy Watts getting any free rides from the bogan. But young Steph says something out of line and watch them all run to her defence.

Just saying…

10 09 2010
Cam

I would like a “State of the Bogan” post on a major Bogan Issue or a Bogan Index tracking the price of brightly coloured Utes or Buble DVD’s

10 09 2010
AntiPajero

I like the idea of submitting nominations and votes during the week for ACATT bogans and their reality show counterparts, but that would involve actually watching their karp.

I propose “Bogan Bait Watch”.

We would only have to listen out for TV or radio ad soundbite phrases for ACATT or “So you think you can take two masterchefs” that are blatantly and proudly designed to bait and hook the bogan.

Hell, we wouldn’t even need to actively listen to them. We simply casually overhear them whilst doing something more constructive like model car bulding, tonal-farting, knitting, or cocaine abuse.

Still should follow a nomination/voting system, though. Otherwise I’d just make up any old entries.

10 09 2010
pb

the complaints about the independents are well and truly underway. they’ve combined it with that other bogan pasttime of spurious facebook groups. i’ve already seen ‘tony windsor to resign’ and ‘i hate julia gillard’ groups that people i’m friends with have joined.
the other funny bit is hearing people in oakeshott and windsor’s electorates compaining that they went the ‘wrong’ way – if you wanted a coalition government, you should have voted for a coalition member as your local mp. instead you voted for an independent who acted – shock horror – as an independent in deciding who to support.

10 09 2010
vivisection

Some ideas for friday posts at TBL:

Bogan Injustice Squad: a round up summary from assorted media outlets reporting on the Bogues fav past time – suffering injustice and being outraged. I’d appreciate knowing who is this weeks most Outraged Bogan and which Bogan is Suffering From Righteous Injustice.

Social Networking Boganography – A presentation of the most egregious bogans as seen on the internet – Just like morning television gets lazy and plays this weeks you-tube classics, TBL can do some cutting and pasting and removing surnames to bring us the best of the online bogans. Award categories would be numerous – and we can click on a Like button to vote! And we can whinge incessantly about the lack of a dislike button….

The Bogies – Best Bogan moments related to our favourite TV and movie Delebrity Bogans. Who rooted who, who bashed their spouse, and what does social commentators Melissa Hoya, Prue McSween, Gerry Harvey and Fifi Box think?

11 09 2010
taranoir

Good ideas. The ‘socal networking boganography’ is done a fair bit on http://theantibogan.wordpress.com though, but more couldn’t hurt.

10 09 2010
MIck Thick

The Paul Hogan tax situation would be a great topic TBL, especially in luight of some of his recent comments. I watched the interview on ACA last week and almost threw my neck out with the amount of head shaking I was doing.

11 09 2010
10 09 2010
Sibyl Ince

I’m tempted to suggest forwarding Youtube videos of grossly deformed or delegged animals, under a header involving the word ‘inspirational’. Actually, the category could include videos of people who are similarly sans extremity.

I don’t give a holy continental fuck what anyone thinks: Faith the two legged dog should have been killed at birth. And what the hell use is a quadruple amputee cat, I wonder?

10 09 2010
Pandabater

Just be careful, I copped a whack in the comments a while ago & I couldn’t walk for a week.

10 09 2010
Nelson Esq

The $10b Gillard promised to the bush didn’t just come out of thin air or out of a Tony Abbott-style black hole, it is cash which was previously earmarked for other promises to city programs, which will now need to be either delayed or cancelled.

You can hear the city bogans cry loud that it’s not fair that their money is now going to benefit country bogans and all themforeign doctors that they like to send to the country and that!

10 09 2010
Chairman Miaow

The 10$Bill is a complete furphy anyways. A good 3/4s doesn’t get spent until 2015 and more – ie two elections away. It’s like me telling my wife I’ll paint xxx during the summer hols. Never gonna happen.

10 09 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

I propose that you use the Friday spot to deconstruct the best (or worst) bogan comments on “news” sites like the Hun and news.com, or blog sites like The Punch.

10 09 2010
pb

there always the horrors of facebook and twitter comments. this is the latest one: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/editor-sacked-for-comments-on-shot-officer-20100910-1546e.html?autostart=1

10 09 2010
Shirley M

It’s intensive, and maybe a little bit frightening, but TBL could do some real David Attenborough style anthropology and bring us some ‘real’ insights into ‘real’ bogans. Get out there in the wild and talk to some of these peculiar humans in their natural habitat.

10 09 2010
Peter

Brilliant! Start research in Brisbane. It’ll be exhaustive, but with such vast potential for every coolsie representation of bogan so readily at hand it is bound to yield several previously unknown facts.

10 09 2010
bec

Forty minutes in Redlands Shire and you’ll be begging for Phillip Glass and some light reading with Harold Bloom…

10 09 2010
Troy

There is one flaw with the TT / ACA analysis. Somebody has to volunteer to watch the shows.

10 09 2010
Tombarina

Viv will. He LOVES ’em.

Right, Vivi?

13 09 2010
vivisection

Pick me ,pick me, pick me!!!! I was offline all weekend due to changing internet providers (missing you already aapt), but I’ll watch every single ACA/ TT episode and release the highlights on dvd for TBL Christmas / Hanukkah / Ramadan / Return of the Mthership gifts if you pick me!

11 09 2010
chris

Been there, done that. I had to crit ACA a few years ago for a course I was doing. The entire show was devoted to Gordon Ramsey. Thirteen minutes and five f*cking seconds, once you take all the dross out (yeah the whole show is dross, you know what I’m getting at). The President of the USA wouldn’t get thirteen minutes, but then again POTUS prolly wouldn’t be plugging his own TV show on Noine either. I handed the work up and my tutor was almost apologetic for making me do it.

10 09 2010
martin

What about something simple like ‘Bogan(s) of the week’? So it could be an individual or a group. So this week’s bogan would be Stephanie Rice although she’s not really a bogan imo. Meh.

10 09 2010
bec

TBL, I love you guys. You entertain and horrify me every single day since I started reading the site last November. But maybe – just maybe – we could afford to offer some public services of a Friday? Perhaps a little bit of non-bogue cultural imperialism?

I say let’s start with a basic “How Not To” guide to aid those with boguish tendencies to become more enlightened. For instance, “how to choose a baby name which doesn’t use up a small African nation’s annual quota of vowels”, or “how to conduct a short and polite phone conversation with someone in a call centre without resorting to racism, threats of violence or legal action”.

I feel that this can also be outsourced to the outstanding commenters who are equally delightful and erudite.

10 09 2010
urbanreverie

For instance, “how to choose a baby name which doesn’t use up a small African nation’s annual quota of vowels”, or “how to conduct a short and polite phone conversation with someone in a call centre without resorting to racism, threats of violence or legal action”.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pure 24-carat Au!

I’m guessing that you work, or have once worked, in a call centre too? Don’t forget the bogan’s constant threats to the call centre operator to contact the Department of Fair Trading every time something doesn’t go their way!

10 09 2010
bec

Worse: New Apprenticeship Centre at the height of the skills shortage.

11 09 2010
Elitist Coffee Lover

Working in a call centre is the most enjoyable job Ive had so far for that very reason! People always ask me is it stressfull to constantly meet your sales targets and I say Its not. Why? Because the constant fun and amusement we get from bogan responses keeps us enthusiastic to make sales.

Calls are kept for quality and training purposes I say TBL retrieve them and post some on this site for our own amusement.

Bogan: Its 7 at night nd we are trying to eat our dinner why don’t you stop ringing us fuckwit?
Operator: Im so terribly dreadfully sorry madame/sir I can only hear you, I can’t see into your house so I therefore didnt know you were eating. I can walk to your house and apologise In person If you like.

10 09 2010
urbanreverie

Speaking of bogan bribes …

I was at the Medicare office earlier this week, and I noticed that Family Assistance is now administered by Medicare. I don’t know why I never noticed this before – or maybe I had previously noticed the big blue Family Assistance signs at Medicare but they didn’t register in my brain.

Anyway, while waiting for my number to be called, I thought that this was strange – surely Family Assistance is a form of social security and should be administered by Centrelink? And then the penny dropped.

By shovelling billions into middle-class welfare such as Family Assistance and keeping it separate from more traditional forms of social security, the aspirational new-age bogan can go and claim their Family Tax Benefit without having to soil their feet in a Centrelink office. They don’t have to queue along with those feral dole-bludgers in faded jeans and grimy sneakers, or those protesting hippie students who do nothing but lay around smoking dope on uni lawns all day, or those loonie nutjobs on the DSP who have nobody to blame but themselves, or old people who smell funny and soil their incontinence pads.

The McMansion-dwelling, ProfessioNAIL-manicured, loinfruit-producing bogans can receive their nice little government handouts convinced that they’re not really receiving government handouts because they don’t have to go to Centrelink. The bogans can indulge in their entitlement mentality while simultaneously wishing to deny the more disadvantaged their entitlement to social assistance.

I can’t help but think that if Family Assistance bogan bribes were channelled through Centrelink, that it might be a tiny little step towards a more united and empathetic society.

By the way, as for regular Friday specials in the future – I like Shirley’s idea of “bogan highlights of the week”. As for the precise format, how about a compendium of all the TBL tweets and Facebook updates, apart from actual announcements of TBL articles? All those juicy little links to bogan-related media stories. But with maybe a paragraph or two of commentary about each story.

10 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good work on the ideas all. I like the idea of a bit of a moving feast, weekly wrap up, cut and paste style or with links, bogan of the week. Whatever takes your fancy outside the usual structure to revisit or highlight.

Something like that. Perhaps celebrity who most needs glassing?

10 09 2010
Benny Hill

As for suggestions for Friday’s I’d go with Romantic Comedy’s. Bogues loving nothing more than laughing at something they know they shouldn’t be and telling their missus to harden the fuck up as they cry at the 2 strangers who make up toward the end of the movie.

11 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah.
so we got the result sitting by a billabong near Karumba on the gulf. Of course that’s irrelevant, I just like saying billabong. For anyone who doesn’t know where karumba is, just get yourself to normanton and follow the trail of empty fourex gold cans and barramundi carcasses.
I’d like to bleat some more about Mt Isa being a sh!t hole, but we noticed Bob Katter’s office was tagged up overnight with “climate change?” and “pimp!” in big green letters, so I guess there’s some redemption there.
How about Celebrity Bogan Deathmatch articles on fridays?
No idea how you’d write it. I just love the idea of Fev and Warnie going for each other with edged weapons…

11 09 2010
brad

if cross over the border too Borrolooloo you’ll see plenty more barra carcasses and empty xxxx cans(though tends too morph more into the green of VB or the brilliant white of Emu Larger the further west you travel-god damn bogans heh).The morning glory clouds are great though(and the fishing)

11 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

just noticed the date.
let’s bow our heads in memory of the half a million souls committed to eternity in payback for the outrage committed on sovereign US soil those nine years ago.
and spare a thought for the vile iranian jet passengers who started the whole thing in 93

11 09 2010
James Hunter

Yes ,How dare their radios not pick up american military frequencies.

11 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

hi simon.
bloodfart/focke-witte out.

11 09 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh,
for those who care or understand,
the proto soul Gympie Blood-Focke was apparently required on another ‘brane.
Que Sera Sera.

11 09 2010
Mick

That’s no good chubby. No good at all.

11 09 2010
Tombarina

Thinking of you guys.
x

11 09 2010
pb

sorry to hear chub.

11 09 2010
James Hunter

Realy saddened by that. best to you and Edna

12 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chubs and Edna,

No words for that. Stay well, look after Edna and take care.

12 09 2010
bec

😦 Look after yourselves.

13 09 2010
vivisection

Late response, but I still care, hope you guys are both ok. XX

13 09 2010
Shirley M

Sad news. Take good care of each other. x

13 09 2010
SD

Sorry to hear that Chubby.

11 09 2010
Will S

How about ridiculous maxxtreme bogan-aimed advertisement, of-the-week?

11 09 2010
pb

that’s a possibility? anyone else seen the new l’oreal hair colour inoa’s ad?

11 09 2010
pb

not supposed to be a question mark after possibility.

11 09 2010
distinguished gentleman

A weekly bogan award would be great. Perhaps called the Wilkins Award.

11 09 2010
Mick

The Paxton.

11 09 2010
James Hunter

How about “The Logans” award. or maybe “The Bogies”

11 09 2010
Who Is James Bogue?

With an SMS voting service?

11 09 2010
Peter

How about The Bizaros? Oh, James Hunter, no connection to your gig.

11 09 2010
James Hunter

Pete Babe,
“The Biros” what a line, get the point.

11 09 2010
Anonymous

Maybe TBL should award a prize to whom ever comes up with the best idea.

A Krogan tv perhaps ?

12 09 2010
SD

I kind of like Brad’s suggestion re 10 best comments of the week – kind of like the Gawker/Jez reader round up. It will probably also quite nicely capture all the BoBs and Bits who made the news in that week 🙂

I am sure Viv can come up with some ideas on designing a trophy for the commenter of the week!

13 09 2010
brad

cheers SD im sure the the enticement of Viv designed trophy would lift the already high standard too new levels ha ha

13 09 2010
SD

Thing is Viv might win it every other week so he had better come up with the blingiest, Ed Hardyesque, vajazzled maxtremely bogan trophy incorporating all of his, Shirl’s and pb’s design elements 🙂

13 09 2010
brad

maybe it could be made in the shape of a schooner for glassin purposes ,Simon may have something too add too this?

13 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nothing to add. Happy with your work Brad.

13 09 2010
SD

Excellent idea – any trophy must serve the purpose of glassing!

12 09 2010
common man

LOL. @sd, Just borrow the greuns polished turd, Also presented by 1 of their own wifebeaters for authenticity value. Matthew newton

16 09 2010
boganation

I’m voting for a Things Bogans Think They Can Do Better Than Trained Professionals (eg the pro-photographer column). Vast untapped mines of boganity, like representing oneself in Court, assembling furniture, installing/setting up electronic equipment, female bogan Botox parties… the possibilities are endless.

1 10 2012
sir sizzle of sausage

>democratic
>duty
siriusly dude.
pick one.

democracy is about two things
1. freedom
2. majority rule

i don’t see ‘forcing people to vote’ as one of them. do you?

you don’t have to vote to have an opinion. sometimes not voting IS an opinion. or it’s protecting yourself from stalkers who get your name from the electoral roll because you have to crawl to the AEC to get your name put on a private roll.

that’s like saying to have an opinion on australia you have to have the flag tattooed on your arm.

get your facts straight. people died in wars for democracy, not for forcing people to do stuff. that was the mob they were fighting AGAINST!

end compulsory voting. if anything proves that it’s a waste of time it was the last farce of an election (insert pic of rudd with cutlery drawer in his back)

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