The bogan female, for some reason it can’t really explain, just loves Brazil. It has never been. It would probably struggle to name two cities from that country. It is unaware what the national language is, or what any local cuisine might look or taste like. But it loves Brazil. The flag has the Southern Cross in it, which would ordinarily impress the bogan, but it’s barely aware of what the flag looks like, except that they stole our national colours which are on our other national flag, featuring a pugilistic marsupial. It knows that the Brazilians make sick thongs, though, which is an added bonus. The bogan has a vague awareness of the volume of non-faux homosexuality on show at the Rio de Janiero Mardi Gras, and assumes for the purposes of loving Brazil, that the city moves to some other country that it doesn’t like during that event.
The bogan also knows that Brazilians have the most sick beach parties and spend all of their time in various states of undress. As a result, in order to be more like Brazilian chicks, the female bogan proffers its genitalia to a stranger, has her apply hot wax to it, then wrench all of the hair away from the flesh once the wax has set. Most people would find this experience unpleasant. The female bogan, however, comes back every six weeks and pays said stranger upwards of $70 for the privilege.
The male bogan also likes Brazil. Despite its eagerness to declare others paedophiles for a variety of reasons, deep down, the female suspects that the male bogan wants nothing more than to fuck a 12-year-old. Seemingly due to this, every six weeks the hunter-gatherer male forks out the requisite $70 so its partner can visit Bewaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxed or Brazilian Butterfly in order to resemble a pre-teen porn star.
Five hundred years ago a particularly discerning Spanish conquistador observed the natives’ genitalia and told his mate that ‘their private parts were so exposed, so healthy and so hairless, that looking upon them we felt no shame’. In the 21st century, the not-so discerning bogan’s shamelessness is still fully apparent.