#167 – DFO

23 08 2010

It is understood that during the cold war in Russia, a collective of underground capitalists attempted to defy General Secretary Brezhnev’s regime, commercially trading goods at unbelievable discounts. This black market was soon trampled, and the renegades lined up and shot in Red Square. These value-hungry traders had a secret code for their goods: дешевый фаворит обладание. The closest abbreviation in English was “DFO”, for a phrase that meant “cheap favourite possession”.

The bogan, quite the cryptographer itself, found this out from its dodgy Russian weed dealer in the late 1990s. But two savvy businessmen already knew. With a clear goal of fleecing the bogan of its bucks, former petroleum bosses David Goldberger and David Wieland formed a company with the patrio-bogan name of “Austexx”, and proceeded to open their first DFO shopping centre in suburban Melbourne in 1997.

Located on airport land, the outlet fell outside of the local council’s planning jurisdiction, meaning that Austexx could plonk a massive steel shed on a suburban backstreet and fill it with shops. The two Davids pitched to prospective tenants they they’d discovered a way to convince the bogan that stuff it didn’t need or want was too cheap to not buy. дешевый фаворит обладание. Even though most of it wasn’t even дешевый.

Seeing their secret Soviet signal on a shopping centre for the first time, the bogans flooded in like illegal alien boat people to a first world democracy. They purchased that oddly shaped green polo shirt from the Country Road outlet store, because if it’s at DFO, it must be a bargain. Thanks to the bogan repeatedly beating the system in this way, soon there were DFOs across the nation. Even the Subway sandwiches were dirt cheap, because there were exposed steel beams over the store, instead of a plaster ceiling.

After a decade of this, Austexx became drunk on its power over the bogan. It opened a sprawling Melbourne complex on an expensive site a few doors up from Crown Casino, Australia’s largest bogan-friendly cash vacuum. The Davids were convinced that their debt-funded $500 million project would wire them into the bogan’s DNA for generations to come. Unfortunately, for reasons such as the lack of a greasy food court, lack of 3D cinema screens, being confused by the tangle of roads near the complex and having lost all of its money at the poker table, the bogan has refused to attend “DFO South Wharf“. Austexx’s imperial overstretch has now brought its ever-expanding universe of bogan bucks into Austexxtreme financial danger, with stern-looking bankers knocking on the door.

Having lost its local Ed Hardy store recently, the bogan is now terrified that its local DFO will soon also be ripped from its needy paws. The Victorian bogan has tried many times to go to South Wharf DFO, only to be cruelly taunted by its immense signage as it feebly passed by on one of seven different freeway on-ramps. The only time the bogan actually successfully arrived there was accidentally, questing for a suitable vomiting location, after being ejected from Crown Casino for running out of money.


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188 responses

23 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Why would anyone want to buy cheap items?

23 08 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
The bogans are confused. To them cheap means more and more , of anything is good. Weird is it not ?

1 09 2010
Antosha

ALAS !!

The 1st time my wonderful country of residence gets a mention in TBL and I am away on leave and miss it !!!

1 09 2010
SD

And all along I thought it was written by you, Antosha!

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse (08:58:31) said : LOL. Why would anyone want to buy cheap items?

To a person of any means, everything is cheap. Only an aspirational person makes routine distinctions between “cheap” and “not cheap”.

It’s a logical extension of the bogan’s desire to be seen in brand names that is associates with a high price tag and therefore exclusivity.

In summary, those who aren’t bogans don’t care about price. Those who have financial means have no useful distinction between cheap and otherwise. Leaving only the bogans to wonder why people would buy something that is cheap.

23 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

damn.
I get my Cons @ DFO.

that cyrillic script would make a mad Tatt.

23 08 2010
Dgusten

I love the fact that DFO: Spencer was able to convert from a “factory outlet” to a “proper shopping centre” by… doing absolutely nothing to change the stores, the exposed steel beams, the prices, or anything else. Except a change of name.

23 08 2010
Sibyl Ince

In some places I’ve been DFO is emergency room code for “Done Fell Over”.

23 08 2010
Pete

Related but not sure if it’s actually true: apparently in Ambulance paramedic code a “TR Bundy” is someone who is “Totally rooted, but unfortunately not dead yet”.

23 08 2010
MIck Thick

I thought it was PFO- Pissed Fell Over?

23 08 2010
Blueballs

Damn, there goes my occasional Sunday entertainment of minding my own business at Batman Park, only to be interrupted by a bewildered mob of Bogan chicks fresh off the Colac train, looking for directions to the “big DFO near the river, not the one near the station”

“Certainly, just head down the Yarra that way, its behind the big building with the pointy spire (the Art Centre!) You can’t miss it…”

23 08 2010
vivisection

I stumbled across the South Wharf DFO last year. I was attending a Work Safe Conference and was bored on my lunch break (before lunch i was beyond bored). Rather than playing pokies (which was the only entertainment option available in the area), I decided to go for a walk. I came across the DFO, walked in, did a quick lap and ran for my life. Why anyone would buy this last season, ill fitting crapola is beyond me? I was lucky that it was a wed morning, not sat. I can only imagine the hell it would be on a weekend filled with bargain grabbing boganistas.

23 08 2010
T-ra

Ooooo I wonder which is more bogan…DFO or Harbour Town? Up here there is Harbour Town on the Gold Coast…which is an absolute mecca for bogans, kiwis and young boys with skinny jeans and funny hair cuts.

23 08 2010
Tone

Same shit, different evil genius.

My last piece of bogan spotting at Harbour Town Adelaide netted me some solid gold. For those that know Harbour Town Adelaide, you’d be aware that it’s one maxtremely long L-shaped bit of pavement with shops on each side. Given how long the pavement at Harbour Town Adelaide stretches for (at least several kilometres), one can forgive a pram-pushing femmebogue for topping her stamina up with a massive can of V. As an added bonus, said can was spilling out the top of a regular sized Jim Beam stubby holder.

Delightful.

23 08 2010
chris

Bogan spotting at Harbour Town Adelaide? Pfft… where’s the sport in that??

23 08 2010
Tone

I’ve also been known to enjoy the odd bit of fish shooting. You bring the barrel of fish, I’ll bring the firearms.

24 08 2010
Benny Hill

Harbour Town ain’t got nothing on the Hyperdome.

24 08 2010
AlyssaKT

FACT!!

Hyper Drones I call it. They’re hyperactive, but they seem to have no sense of anyone around them. Trying to make your way through there will test your defensive walking skills.

My company when I was 19 moved to an office right near there – and even at that age I wanted to hand out condoms to all of the young teenaged couples (due to the alarming number of solo teenaged mothers).

Not much else to do in Boganholme (Loganholme)…

25 08 2010
Benny Hill

I hear ya Alyssa, I hear ya. Very cretinous place at the best of times.

Ever noticed how the Pacific Motorway always slows down around the Hyperdome? The bogan subconscious is willing them to exit the motorway.

23 08 2010
Art

Brezhnev wasn’t a President, he was a General Secretary.

“дешевый фаворит обладание” doesn’t make any sense to me either and mind you I am native Russian.

Where did you get that from?

Gee, but internet pedantry is no friend of artistic license, is it? TBL

23 08 2010
AntiPajero

Hah! I thought it looked like the Russian equivalent of “Supa Hi Qwalitee” and blamed it on my sketchy memory of high-school Russian. I should have know it was deliberate..!

23 08 2010
Art

Why so surprised? You should expect to be hold accountable for the things you say.

26 08 2010
JV

Art, you should know by now that when others gets it wrong, TBL are right there to highlight the lack of education involved and apply the bogan tag.

But interestingly enough, when TBL are themselves called out on a factual error or poorly researched material, it’s invariably due to someone else’s pedanticism.

But don’t think for a moment that it has anything to do with double standards – it’s all just a matter of perspective.

In future, please try and appreciate the sensitivities of the creators of this site and tread a little more carefully. Thanks.

23 08 2010
Art

Actually I was trying to help you to come up with proper translation of the term which is unknown to me, neither the events leading to coining of it.

That’s why I am asking.

23 08 2010
James Hunter

Art,
When Antosha comes on tonight he can I am sure provide the exact Moscow equivalent.

23 08 2010
AlyssaKT

I put it in an online translater and got exactly what TBL claimed it said – we must have used the same one 😉

23 08 2010
AlyssaKT

translator**

23 08 2010
B. Yeltsin

I, too am not understanding the coining of it. Please have better diligence in future. Everybody dance now.

23 08 2010
pominoz

I lived in Balmain across from Birkenhead where I think was located one of those DFO places. I just do understand why people seem to lose all sense of reason when it comes to bargains. Its being sold cheap because its either cheap crap or such bad fashion that nobody wanted to buy it.

23 08 2010
r.jett

Funny that TBL mentioned the 3d movie issue. There was allocations in the plans for some a number of theatres already documented…..

23 08 2010
martin

I bought a couple of pairs of socks from Rivers DFO in Homebush and they lasted about two weeks before they fell apart. I also bought a tshirt from another shop, just a plain white tshirt, except it had the size written in big black letters so you could see the size from the outside of the shirt on my back. So I you could see XL on my back in reverse like. I got rorted $13.

I went there to look for shoes but they’re all made of plastic and cost $80 or so.

DFO sucks balls.

23 08 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

I’ve not been to DFO, but I have been to ‘Brand Smart’ in Nunawading. I once observed two Wogan chicks almost tear each others hair out over a pair of really ugly jeans. I think Femme-Wogan’s are the most entertaining verging on frightening.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

DFO stands for Direct Femmebogue Observation.

23 08 2010
Tone

Word.

24 08 2010
Benny Hill

I woulda thought DFO stands for Dumb Fuckin Ozzie’s

23 08 2010
SD

Mixed feelings about this.

While I can mock the nouveau riche I am not convinced they are the only people who flock to DFOs.

Sometimes – umm – people don’t have money. So they buy cheap crap. They look for bargains. Is that mockable? No.

So I am all for mocking the folks who drop 100$ on a brand simply because its a brand. I am all for mocking the 2 Davids. But I am not sure I want to mock a bogan who may not have the money to afford the ludricous prices for a Country Road T when it’s not on sale.

23 08 2010
pb

if someone’s buying discounted stuff because that is all they can afford, that isn’t mock-worthy. but the thing with dfo is people buying branded things on discount because they’re from a particular brand. that is the bogan element.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeah, we are mocking the f*cktards who label shop and carry on like migrating wilderbeasts at these places, not the less fortunate.

23 08 2010
SD

I am not sure pb.

Most brands are way too expensive – but portrayed as desirable, of better quality etc. If you are a person in a job with little income and the only way you can buy aforesaid brand is when it is heavily discounted then is that so bad?

I take your point tho – it is mockable if you are poor and yet in debt to fund a spending habit to impress other folk 🙂

But I do think sometimes TBL treads a fine line between genuine concern at the evils of boganism and a slight sense of middle class entitlement…..

23 08 2010
pb

i guess it all comes down to whether you think brand names are important.

23 08 2010
AlyssaKT

If you’re buying a brand name because in your mind it’s synonymous with quality it’s not very logical to buy their dodgy versions of their garments and products…

23 08 2010
Tombarina

SD, you raise an interesting point here re the linkage between “price” and “quality” (or cachet or desirability or reflector of perceived status).

There are very specialised, very highly paid people who the luxury brand houses retain to advise them on pricing. The $10k pricetag of a Birkin bag, for example, bears no relationship to the actual cost of production or the ‘value’ of the item – it’s a pricetag specifically designed to be inaccessible to the vast unwashed, thereby enhancing it’s perceived ‘value’ to people with more $ than sense.

These consultants frequently advise designers/brands (predominantly of clothes, accessories, furniture, cosmetics, and homewares, but also of production vehicles and boutique accommodation) to substantially INCREASE the price of an underperforming item or line to boost its exclusivity – ergo, its perceived desirability.

William Poundstone’s ‘Priceless: The Myth Of Fair Value’ is an eye-opener. Washed down with a warming shot of ‘Clive Hamilton’s Affluenza’, it’s a guaranteed innoculant against brand whore-dom.

23 08 2010
SD

Tomba, when I am crochety about brand whoredom I enjoy dipping into The Theory of the Leisure Class – which is a refreshing draught of bitterness disguised as economics:-)

On other days like today I feel kindly towards one and all and think of Tennessee Williams quote “Nothing human disgusts me…unless it’s unkind or violent.” So though I know its a marketing job and overpriced, I am OK with people’s vanities.

On the other hand – the Birkin-aah the Birkin – I fear tolerance of the Birkin (the bag not the lady) is still some way off – on that day I shall achieve Buddhadom.

24 08 2010
Tombarina

Ooooh! Thanks for that – I’ll keep an eye out for that book.

(And I, too, covet the Birkin. And a particular style of Loubourtin whose name eludes me at the moment. And the brilliance of True Religion jeans, at $500 a pop. And Rachael Ruddick’s ostrich-leather cuffs – which, happily, are less exxy and I’m the proud owner of two, given to me as gifts. yay!)

23 08 2010
Tone

People that are skint would more likely go to an op shop than a DFO. For starters, you get a lot more for your money, and the average bogan wouldn’t be seen dead in their local Salvos or Vinnies.

23 08 2010
SD

True but you know people may like to buy new stuff – in fact even more so if you are genuinely poor and on hand me downs.

Actually my local op-shop crawls with inner city people visiting the burbs on a vintage tour 🙂

23 08 2010
Tone

Yes, op shops are a Thing Hipsters Like. 😉

I think the genuinely poor would be more likely to buy their brand new items from places like Big W or Kmart than a DFO. For starters, the big retailers have a far greater footprint, thus are cheaper/easier to get to. Their opening hours can be longer than the DFO, and the quality of their basic goods (clothing, homewares etc) is generally sound and their prices are often lower than DFO.

I concur that DFOs tend to trade on bogan obsession with brand names. Those that are fiscally challenged generally have more important things to worry about than a brand name, such as having enough money left over after buying a new pair of shoes to both eat AND catch the bus home.

23 08 2010
Nelson Esq

The thing is SD, the prices in many stores at DFO are really no different to other stores elsewhere. Yes, you can get bargains there, but you can still grab a bargain on sale at the same branded stores in other shopping centres. The David’s are just pure evil genius’s (genii?), by appealing the the bogans love of jumping on a bus to go on a ‘Factory Outlet shopping tour’ around South Yarra and Richmond, calling their mall DFO (Direct Factory Outlet) it implies to the bogan that the stuff must be cheap all the time. DFO is just another shopping mall…but not as fancy looking as a Westfield.

I have shopped at my local DFO (Essendon Airport), not because it’s cheap, but because I have needed something!

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

The meaning I took from this post is more consistent with Nelson Esq than some of the earlier posts who are hanging the popularity of DFO on the bogan’s insatiable desire for brand cred.

Sure, that’s an element of it, but in my view the main thing that makes DFO bogan is that it exists as an intellectual shortcut for the bogan who wants to score a “bargain” but lacks the mental aptitude or can’t be bothered making an effort to actually secure a transaction that is at all below its usual selling price.

So, the DFO exists as a substitute for any judgement, intelligence or actual bargain hunting prowess. The bogan either gets the benefit of a very small discount, in exchange for the extremely significant disbenefit of wearing stuff that is out of date, imperfect or by definition sub-standard as it is the stuff they couldn’t shift at their regular stores; or they just end up paying the normal price in the false belief that, because they are at DFO, they have by definition scored a huge bargain.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

That’s exactly it. The first time I went to DFO I was unable to spot a single, bonafide bargain. It was the same shit in the same shops for pretty much the same price as at any Westfield. Plus I had to go all the way to the effing airport for the experience. Bogans see the words ‘Direct Factory Outlet’, assume everything under the roof is massively reduced, and the assumption readily becomes fact in their tiny minds.

23 08 2010
vivisection

To me the most offensive part of the DFO experience are the bus tours of cashed up bogans on cheap brand name shopping sprees. I think Kath and Kim parodied it best. I used to live in Collingwood near the Smith Street Factory Outlet shops and the busloads of animals that tore through shops grabbing everything in sight was disturbing. I also think the genuinely poorer shopper would hit Best and Less, Kmart and Big W before going to a DFO. Not to mention the thousands of $2 shops flogging even cheaper sweat shop made polyester ensembles across the nation.

23 08 2010
SD

Yes I see re the genuinely poor not buying at DFO. And its true that many flock to the Chinese mama-papa shops flogging everything at 2$.

My relos here are very blue collar, very bogan – not poor but its a bit hard scrabble. They get very excited about $10 brand jeans at DFO. They are *always* looking for bargains-be it DFO or the stores. We find it odd (I have made many DFO excursions but I am more a markets person). But also touching in a way given how hard their lives once were. Its like a badge of arrival – even though they may not yet be able to afford full price. So like I said mixed feelings – sometimes one is both repelled by the attitude and yet only too aware that its simply circumstance that separates one from the bogan relos.

But the 2 Davids – yes, evil!

23 08 2010
Tombarina

No mixed feelings here, SD. There’s a difference between being thrifty, and unecessarily shelling out dosh on crap you don’t need just because it’s on sale.

I can afford to shop at Country Road, but I buy a lot of my clothes from Target because I can’t see any value in the extra outlay.

I have friends who would die before buying from Target, but will pay twice as much for a near-identical ‘sale’ item at DFO just because it has a so-called ‘designer’ brand on it. Recent example was a grey marle jersey top – mine cost $30 at Target; friend paid $90 for virtually exactly the same ‘sale’ item from Country Road DFO.

BTW, DFO (like Ikea) is an excellent tool for disciplining children and husbands. More than once I’ve threatened that ongoing bad behaviour will be punished with a day-long trip to either of these places. Works a treat……

23 08 2010
SD

Yes I get that Tomba.

It’s just that if you are poor and have economised all your life and then come into a bit of cash and spend 90$ on a Country Road item on sale I find it not so bad. Sure it’s aspirational and being a brand whore. But if you have been dirt poor for long, the feeling of being able to afford an unnecessary item at DFO is not necessarily a bad thing.

23 08 2010
Peter

One thing that differentiates the bogan from the non-bogan is an attitude whereby a particular genius of justification allows them to spend needlessly because they were once unable to do so. Such a thing is impossibly pathetic.

23 08 2010
James Hunter

Peter,
Ah !, The voice of experience.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nicely put Peter.

24 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

And you wouldn’t want to wear your arrival status so blatantly obvious, if you aren’t a bogan…you can bask in the knowledge that you’ve got there to yourself alone, confidently.

On the other hand, the DFO experience exists to pander to those for whom that displaying yourself as a parvenu extraordinaire, where conspicuous consumption meets the hankering for a smug delusion that you did indeed score a bargain, and wearing the said aspirational brands with outsized logos as a badge of one-upmanship.

Poor fools. At least those with enough humility and sense might realise that the sweatshop workers who stitched together that no-name article would’ve just as likely been paid the same pittance as the ones who assembled the bling-branded fashion malfunctions, if they weren’t already too manufactured by the same contractors.

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

@Tombarina – buying crap you don’t need just because it’s on sale…

Good point. In my ruminations I forgot that unique kind of gullibility that defines the bogan bargain hunter – if something “was” $1000 (or if it has $1000 written above it and crossed out) and “now” is $800, regardless of their budget constraint the bogan will purchase said item, and proudly claim to have “saved” $200. Thereby making it some kind of financial genius.

You know it’s hitting epidemic proportions when dodgy “two price advertising” is so rife that the ACCC has to appear on today tonite decrying the bogans being misled.

23 08 2010
Tone

This phenomenon is surely worthy of a chapter in ‘Boganomics’, along with a chapter investigating that other great bogan savings myth: that an item with price ending in .99 is to be rounded DOWN to the nearest dollar instead of up. To wit: the $9.99 piece of crap from DFO magically becomes a $9 piece of crap instead of a $10 piece of crap. If the bogan buys 10 items at $9.99, they’ve only spent $90 instead of $99.90 … genius!

23 08 2010
Mandi

I used to shop at Target but the prices there have sky rocketed in the past few years to the point where I can buy clothes in Myer for the same price. That and the styles recently are ridiculous, everything has puffy sleeves and weird patterns. I also shop at vinnies and the salvo’s, Mum wouldn’t be seen dead there though. My parents live in the bermuda triangle of outlets in a certain Brisbane suburb between real factory shops, DFO and Trade Secret (Warning. TS is not for amateurs, you will be knocked to the ground by boguettes with arms full of playboy G strings). Holidays there are an adventure.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

I’m a huge fan of Trade Secret, but I would rather dig out an eye with a spoon than shop there on a saturday morning. And I’ve only ever bought a couple of things for myself there. The women’s clothing is all too faux-fashionable for my likings. I get a lot of my son’s clothes there and ties and jocks etc for Mr. M.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Have you seen on ACA/ TT , the stories about the secret shopping clubs where you get to save 85% off retail? You have to be invited to join, and when you do, all those discounts are yours. They open up the warehouse doors and you shop until you drop. If I ever get invited to one of these events, I will die of shame.
I hope it’s really just disgruntled employees having an “after hours sale” as soon as the boss leaves. An old friend of mine used to do that in the 80’s when he worked at Barbra’s House and Garden. He’d open up the back roller door, bring out a till and table and start selling off stock!

23 08 2010
vivisection
23 08 2010
Shirley M

These exclusive events are news to me. I must be moving in the wrong circles. Which translates to moving in the right circles. Or perhaps I’m not moving in circles at all.

23 08 2010
pb

i’ve been invited to one of those by an old friend. i declined. anyway, i say buy a sewing machine and make your own clothes. much cheaper and much more fun.

23 08 2010
vivisection

I bought a sewing machine – a stunning mint condition /unused green metal 1950’s Husqvarna, complete with original carry case and accoutrement. I have a “that’ll do” approach to craft, so I am trying to convince Mr Viv that he should take up tailoring, his eyes have a few good years in them yet! 18 months I have waited and not one sensible little bespoke jacket or waistcoat has been made for me yet! I think I’ll have to enroll him at CAE for a short sewing course for his birthday. That might encourage him some.

23 08 2010
pb

what about this natty beach outfit?: http://tinyurl.com/32wt5eh

24 08 2010
Tombarina

I love that these jaunty trunks have both a button, AND a pocket. It’s the little touches that make the difference.

I do feel, however, that this pattern should come with a square jaw, a flat-top hairdo and a tattoo of Betty Grable.

Champagne stuff…..

23 08 2010
Tombarina

TS is utterly beaut for undies, kids’ clothes and sports gear.

Sadly, it’s infested with muffin-topped harpies sporting brightly coloured G-bangers, along with their shrieking sugar-fuelled spawn. This qualifies TS as a loathsome incubus of doom.

Mandi was quite right – it’s not for amateurs. I pick my moments VERY carefully, am prepared to walk out empty-handed if it all gets too much, and only do this once or twice a year. This gutless mentality is the same reason I’ll never do a Boxing Day sale…..

23 08 2010
Shirley M

My mum lives in a small town, and whenever she comes to ‘the big smoke’ she insists I take her to trade secret, so likewise, I tend to visit a couple of times a year with Ma.

23 08 2010
Chairman Miaow

Mrs Miaow loves Trade Secret up on the Goldie. Roars in there like a shark after burley. Good styles at knockdown prices she reckons. We must not have one down here in Sydney. Small mercies I’m thinking. Although, we live not far from the seconds outlet at Birkenhead Point and you’re right, eye gouging is preferable than a Saturday visit to any bogue-hole like that.

23 08 2010
Kate

Oh but we do! There is a very successful Trade Secret at Mt Druitt! I have been there 3 times. I bought singlets and plain t-shirt bras. It is up hidden behind the Westfield, and was starting to lose patronage (once the initial novelty wore off), but once ALDI opened up 300m away, it has a new lease on life

28 08 2010
phil

I once went to the tradesecret in browns plains (cub capital of brisbane) for briss as i was after a few slim fit van heusen business shirts. Upon reaching the counter, the staff member looked at the shirt and asked ‘so whens your day in court?’
I was confused at first, right up to the moment that it struck me that i she was serious.

28 08 2010
James Hunter

Phil,
Its true though, yoou should see some of the wierd ones at court that obviously have never been in a shirt and tie or suit before in their life. Funny/pathetic. Very like seeing some of the “footy stars” on TN after they have just been sinbinned for months over some criminal activity. all in pin striped suits shirts and collars that have still got thr creases from when in the box.
Sooo embarassing just watching.

23 08 2010
T-Mac

Here I was expecting either “167: A Hung Parliament” or “167: Bob Katter”, and you’ve done something much better, much funnier, and so much more accurate.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did anyone see the 3 Independants with Kerry O last night. At last some intelligent poli’s who care about their electorate and have opinions. I even found myself liking BobKat. Who’d have thunk it?

23 08 2010
Chairman Miaow

And that Rob Oakshotte chappie sounds intallehctual-like. Proof’s in the pudding I spose, but I’ve come full circle from disliking one-issue wilburs to rather liking the idea of intelligent people without corporate donations and party-room compromise clagging up their decision-making capacity chucking their 5c into the mix. And none of them seem to have pandered to the bogan vote at all.

Bring it on.

Except Katter. He’s a knob.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bob is probably mad as a hatter but at least he stands for something. Whether you like it or not at least you know where he stands and is not likely to be bought or pushed around. I’m with you on the one issue thing, those lads all impressed me last night and caused a rethink.

23 08 2010
pb

i think the one-issue nuts are more likely to be elected to the senate than house of reps – they can get votes from crazies state-wide rather than needing a concentration of them.

23 08 2010
Tombarina

Simon, I used to spend quite a bit of quality time with Mr Katter, and I can assure you that he’s mad. Just mad. Full stop. No, “..mad, BUT…”. He’s as mad as a demented loon that’s been run through an electronic maddifying machine, then exposed to a full moon.

The Beloved (who also knows Bob) and I were possibly the only people NOT flabbergasted when, last night, Bob told Kerry O’Brien he regarded the big ticket national issues as ‘fishing, shooting and flying foxes’. And the right for the average bloke to boil their billy. Oh, and that if “we” don’t utilise the vast expanses of the inland north, “they” will take it off “us”. Presumably “we” is Australia and “they” are militant tree-hugging gay Muslim Indonesians or, worse, New South Welshmen.

Mad, mad, mad.

The end.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Tombarina, that’s a beautiful description of Bob. I feel better about the dire state you are all in. I’ve officially opted out. No kids to educate, have private health cover, secure job, no equal rights offered from either side . Officially, I couldn’t give a f#ck what happens now 🙂 Very liberating. I figure if 1 in 2 are so thick that they can’t differentiate state politics from federal, or can’t see how insipid Abbott is, then they can lie in the bed they made. I am just going to carry on. Will have to increase my recycling a bit, and maybe use a bit less electricity. I have a relative trying to get into the Biggest Loser – time to worry about the real issues.

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

In fairness to the Labor party, the project to go through all the commonwealth acts that included economic discrimination against same sex couples and their children was not just pointless symbolism, and I think it tended to get overshadowed by the fact that, in net terms, once you treat same-sex couples the same as everyone else (financially – including govt benefits) they end up being worse off as a group…

But in some areas (definition of spouse, super arrangements etc) it delivered real positive changes.

I don’t have a concluded view on the ‘marriage’ issue, (that is, calling it marriage) but Labor at least addressed the economic discrimination.

23 08 2010
vivisection

I don’t deny that Labor addressed many (85) important areas of discrimination. The Marriage Act issue is quite simple. You either believe all people are equal or you don’t. If you believe all people are equal, then you offer all people the same equal rights. If you don’t believe all people are equal you set up an apartheid system, with one set of rules for one group, and another set of rules for the other. That is Labors position, and the LNP’s. At the end of the day it’s easy to understand.

Look at any statements the major parties make about gay marriage rights, change the word “gay ” to “asian” or “coloured”. Makes for interesting reading. Especially if you read some of Penny Wong’s public statements.

Neither party believe I deserve equal rights. I’ll be no better or worse off than I was before.
They are both happy to treat me as a financial equal, so they can take my taxes and count my relationships for the sake of reducing any entitlements. I’m fine with this. I don’t want special rights, just equal.

23 08 2010
Tombarina

I’d marry you, Vivi. (Although Mr Viv and my Beloved might be somewhat taken aback.)

To be honest, I’d like marriage to be mandatory. Preferably to my ex-husband. After that, anything – divorce, singledom, lonely old age, death, dismemberment – would look like a far more attractive option.

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

As far as I’m aware, marriage is one of many legally enforceable relationships that is recognised at law. The thing that makes marriage different is that it appears to have some background or origin in religion.

Therefore, in my view, the definition of what is and isn’t a marriage is really something for each church that recognises something called a marriage, and not really for the state (regardless of whether the state chooses to recognise it as one of the legal relationships between two adults outside of pre-existing genetic relationship).

In relation to the broader issue of discrimination, well I doubt I’m eligible for membership to the Ku Klux Klan, but it doesn’t concern me because I don’t want to be a member. It’s up to them to define their rules of membership on the basis that they are constraining their growth if they exclude certain people on whatever basis.

Anyway, I haven’t really formed a concluded view one way or another, I see it more as an issue for the church deciding how relevant it wants to be to today’s society.

I’m just pointing out that the economic discrimination, which I saw as being more important, was not and would not have been removed under Howard.

23 08 2010
SD

DA I hope marriage is not solely an issue for the church/mosque whatever. Mine for e.g. is an inter-faith marriage. Religion therefore hardly begins to address the many types of marriage that can exist.

Its just time for marriage between consenting adults IMO and any debates and opinions on gay marriage seem rather superfluous.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Interesting point of view re religion and the institution of marriage, but the Catholic Church surrendered all control over the issue of marriage and secularised it over three hundred years ago. It’s only now that religious zealots are claiming a right to control it again.

Following your rationale, If they have the right to control the Marriage Act, surely they should be given control of the Divorce Act again. Say good-bu=ye to no-fault divorce and hello again to a lifetime of domestic violence for many.

Furthermore, why should the Christian Churches be the only ones allowed to dictate marriage arrangements / laws. If we let this happen, we must allow Sharia Law control also. That’ll be fun.

What do we do about tribal cultures that “traditionally” don’t have Christian backgrounds, but have tribal marriage arrangements, should they also take control of the marriage act? She’s worth 3 goats and two chickens….

And finally, if the church is going to control the act, I want to see the following biblical law enforced.

“If a man rapes a virgin and gets caught, he must pay 50 pieces of silver to her father and then marry her”: Deuteronomy 22.28.29. It’s the tradition after all!

I whole-heartedly agree with you about Howard not budging at all on economic discrimination. And as I said, I do appreciate what Rudd Govt achieved. It’s just not finished yet.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My marriage is not church sanctioned, where does that leave me?

23 08 2010
vivisection

hell, you sinning b@stard, for you and your hussygirl

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

See ya there dude!

23 08 2010
vivisection

Do I need to book a good room in advance?

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

They all have central heating. I believe Lucifer will show preference for those who sin well so it’s probably runs on the board that count. I had a good early start but don’t chalk up many these days. I would rather get a good nights sleep.

23 08 2010
Chairman Miaow

I just don’t want one of my kids to have less rights than the other, should he/she be gay. Simple as that really.

23 08 2010
vivisection

What if i get there and it’s a big DFO, and always a saturday? What then i ask ??????….*panicking* ….. *gnashing and wailing* drawing unwanted attention from stafflings…. breathe, breathe, squeal, breathe. mute silence and rethink of morals.

Screw it, i’ll take a chance.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sh*t Viv, never thought of that. There may be an Ikea and Bunnings next door and Fast and Furious films on high rotation.

However hopefully because there will be plenty of bogans there it will be set up the other way around to punish them.

The films of Stanley Kubrick on high rotation, no brands available etc.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Oh, nice thinking Simon, maybe the DFO won’t be having any sales and the bogues will be besides themselves, as they will have to live a debt free eternity, without interest free periods. Could be a laugh.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

No sales, no interest free, cash only, that’ll f*ck em.

23 08 2010
devil's advocate

@ SD and vivisection:

I guess my point is that really, religious definitions of what a marriage is has no place under the law. I’m arguing for less recognition of marriage as an institution, because really value judgements about what is a marriage have no place in a secular society, as compared to a “genuine domestic basis” spousal relationship which the law recognises for various purposes.

Historically I can see why there needed to be legal definitions wrapped up in, or based around, some notion of marriage. Indeed, they are based around enforced economic inequalities that occurred. So it’s crucial to ensure firstly that the weaker party with less rights was protected (although in some cases it was used as a justification for acts that would otherwise be illegal…).

I also see why the law needed to recognise “marriage”, however described, for the purposes of divorces etc and allocation of property and children.

Now, however, many of the bases on which the law recognises domestic adult relationships may need to be revisited, especially as many of the inequalities between spouses have been largely addressed.

Instead of saying the law should recognise more things as “marriage” I guess I’m advocating that the law should have less to say about marriage in general. If there’s an issue about children, property or spousal maintenance than address it directly as rights between 2 or more people.

23 08 2010
SD

“Instead of saying the law should recognise more things as “marriage” I guess I’m advocating that the law should have less to say about marriage in general. If there’s an issue about children, property or spousal maintenance than address it directly as rights between 2 or more people”

Agreed, DA

23 08 2010
vivisection

I agree as well DA. However as long as we have a wedding industry and gormelss major parties who fear the right wing christians this is not going to change. Like or not, marriage is enshrined in our law, and the only time it has been amended, was by Howard in order to re-define it so that it would specifically exclude same sex couples. I would be more than happy to see the whole act abolished and started again from scratch. But I don’t see that day happening anytime soon.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

I intend to do my bit by refusing to subscribe to the concept of marriage until the homos are allowed to get hitched too, and by convincing my other non-married, breeding friends to do the same. It’s a small step, I know, but it’s my little contribution to a worthwhile cause.

24 08 2010
Tombarina

Response to Chairman Miaow’s “I just don’t want one of my kids to have less rights than the other, should he/she be gay. Simple as that really.”

You’ve just expressed the wrongness of the status quo in one beautiful, elegantly simple comment.

If the case was argued along that line, it would canter it in – it’s utterly indefensible logic.

24 08 2010
vivisection

Yes it is a great argument, the good folks at PFLAG recently used it on a short run tv ad. It’s the discussions raised by parents and non-queer supporters that often resonate more loudly than angry lesbians hollering through megaphones on street marches.
The only problem with the wanting children to have equal rights argument,is that it kind of preaches to the already or at least semi-converted. It’s the a$$holes who throw their kids out of home and disown them that really need to be reached.

24 08 2010
martin

Weddings are so gay. They should be soley the domain of gay people.

24 08 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
If the wedding is dead boring I suppose that means its for necrophiliacs ?

24 08 2010
vivisection

Martin, I don’t want weddings, I want marriage. Weddings are one of the main reason marriages fail. Nothing to do after all the hysterical bridezilla planning/ hysteria but look at each other and wonder how long a lifetime is.

24 08 2010
martin

@James. Worse than boring. They make me cringe.

24 08 2010
SD

Martin that was almost – ummm – bogan.

Its unfortunate that the new definition of maleness for Western men (for that’s what your comment suggests) seems to be an aggressive exclusion of anything that can even be remotely construed as feminine and/or gay.

That or your marriage/wedding was rather unfortunate.

24 08 2010
martin

@Viv. And also how much they cost is crazy. $20k or so I think. There’s a million better things to spend the money on.

If you had a wedding Viv would you invite your Biggest Loser cousin?

24 08 2010
martin

@SD yes it’s pretty bogan to call things ‘gay’ when a more appropriate thing to call them would be lame, boring or cringe worthy in this case.

24 08 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
They neednt cost squillions nor be a free feedathon for people you have never met.
MrsH and I were married 30 odd years ago on the dance floor at Barnabys restaraunt , Paramatta, by her Uncle,a celebrant and we had a sit down dinner for 32 people who were friends and immediate family only.All had a good time no one got trashed and total cost was for 32 a le carte dinners and booze.

24 08 2010
vivisection

Martin, I wouldn’t personally get married – Mr Viv and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary and don’t feel the need to marry at this stage. I want the option to get married, like everybody else.

23 08 2010
T-ra

Tombarina, I am so convinced we must have crosseed paths at some point…not only are we both Griffith dwellers, I too have had the experience of spending time with the BobKat! Your assessment of him is spot on. Goodness only knows what the next few days, and indeed the next few years is going to bring…Akubras, RM Williams and shot guns for everyone!

23 08 2010
T-ra

“are” going to bring….lord!

23 08 2010
Tombarina

Highly likely, T-Ra.

Would your BobKatting involve the no-man’s-land where media and politics meet, or of the internal Government/political machine variety???

I used to be in the first bracket, and it’s something I really, REALLY don’t miss!

23 08 2010
Sten

Shotguns!? F*ck that! I want my SKS!

23 08 2010
Mandi

awww he’s like the crazy uncle at the BBQ, and he’s going to save us from the flying foxes and the CROCOroaches. I went on his website and read ‘Bob’s Vision’, apparently he left the Nats because people didn’t laugh at his jokes. He also has a Twitter account, One post and he misspelt Twitter.

23 08 2010
James Hunter

Bob in some ways reminds me of Tom Euren from way back. Hate him or love him but you always know which way he is pointing

23 08 2010
Sten

Pfft. Call me a cynic, but if voting could change anything, they’d outlaw it.

I’m thankful for the fact I don’t have to vote.

23 08 2010
pb
23 08 2010
vivisection

The bogans will forgive him. They forgave him for his appalling Underbelly efforts, they’ll forgive him for anything. Can’t wait for them trot out Pattie and Bert on the news again.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Update : The girlfriend has taken an AVO against him now. pb, We are like online Woman’s Weekly ! Hitting the real issues.

http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/taylor-takes-out-avo-against-newton-after-alleged-assault-20100823-13b6c.html

23 08 2010
pb

i know i’m kept awake at night wondering about matthew newton’s relationship status.
also, there;s something scary about his eyes – he always looks a little crazed.

23 08 2010
vivisection

He has “here’s Johhny!” eyes.

23 08 2010
pb

that’s it exactly!!!

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sprog of Bert and Patti, he really never had a chance.

23 08 2010
SD

Hasn’t every single girlfriend taken out an AVO?

I saw him once at Channel Nein – very very short and high heels is all I remember.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Only 2 out of the last 3. Clearly he’s picking the wrong type of woman.

23 08 2010
AlyssaKT

I cheered (bogan?!) when I heard the news that he was no longer employed at X Factor – a show I don’t even intend to watch (not-bogan!).

23 08 2010
Simon of South Yarra

DFO prices highlight the stupidity of people who pay full freight for “fashion”

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’d simplify that and say DFO highlights the stupidity of Fashion fullstop.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

Many a bogue has a passion,
for the curious thing known as fashion.
They’ll part with much dough,
down at the D F*cking O,
I mock them all, without an exemption.

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl, you are a gifted rhymer. We seem to have lost The Stranger?

23 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Please note that I avoided saying cunning linguist.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

But I AM a cunning linguist!

24 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yes you are.

23 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

At that level Fashion is for people with no style.

24 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Agreed, chubby.

Style is something innate—either you have it, or don’t. Someone with style would be able to wear a $200 with far more panache than the bogan in an Ermenigildo Zegna costing ten times (and the rest) as much.

23 08 2010
The Stranger

About 4 or 5 years ago I went to the Brisbane Airport DFO to see what was there. It didn’t seem to me to offer any sort of savings on anything that was being sold there.

I remember hearing at the time that DFOs were sited on airport land to avoid council rates. True?

23 08 2010
SD

Thanks to an Assange news item, I have now discovered that Australia has a Pirate Party.

Wondering if dressing up as Depp is compulsory….

Also its manifesto sounds like a Brimstone post (just wondering too where they all are of late: Benjamin, James not H, antosha, brimstone etc.)

23 08 2010
vivisection

at a DFO perhaps, trying to find Pinky??

23 08 2010
SD

The P!nkster will hopefully report back on the DFOing.

With reference to your post below you simply cannot so cavalierly tear assunder the assumption that every gay man is born knowing how to knit, sew etc.!!!

23 08 2010
vivisection

Well that is special! I would need to drink more in that ensemble. My gin martini consumption levels would reach dizzying heights (and lows). The green gingham fabric is the same as the inside of the Husqvarna case! What a great website. I occasionally pick up knitting patterns in op shops from the 50’s – 80’s – pretty much anything “special”. Again, like with sewing, my complete lack of skills and attention to detail means I need to coerce someone into knitting for me. I bought a Dr Who Knitting pattern book with my pocket money when i was about 9 years old and am still trying to convince my mother that knitting (a Tom Baker Scarf, or Adric’s Tunic) would become her and be a good womanly pursuit. Selfish, lazy biatch wont even try to learn though. It’s hard being me.

23 08 2010
vivisection

Above was meant to go under pb’s link to the sexy 1950’s mens beachwear sewing website! Sorry for disrupting the natural order, again.

23 08 2010
pb

glad you liked it. i also just noticed that the green check guy’s sunglasses even match. he really is a master of coordination.
it is lots of fun browsing old pattern websites. i dream of one day owning this pattern: http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/McCall_9043 but i’ve only seen it for sale once and it was $300, so i’m not likely to ever get it.

23 08 2010
pb

bah! that is a response to vivisection – damn computer having a hissy fit as i type a comment.

24 08 2010
Tombarina

That is BEAUTIFUL – real old-school glamour. Love it, love it, LOVE IT!

24 08 2010
vivisection

yes , that in the black and white is beautiful – you could do a pattern making short course for cheaper than $300. I’ll throw in $50 if you agree to tailor for me and do the odd bit of knitting from time to time – say for 5 years?

24 08 2010
pb

i can’t knit to save my life, unfortunately. i’ve been taught a few times and i always stuff it up.
i’ve been trying to work out how that dress is made and i’m slowly getting there, so i might be confident enough to try it in about 2016.

24 08 2010
vivisection

PB, this is the reason we need a good little knitter! Hopefully you can open – it contains some of my finest knitting pics!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=200663&id=713307482

24 08 2010
SD

I like that poncho pic – the one where you can barely make out the poncho from the light and shade fancy photography!

25 08 2010
pb

love them! – in the top right picture the guy seems to be looking for nits in his wife’s hair. i also like the ‘guess who?’ pose in the second row. and the doctor who one is hilarious.
this is what i’m making right now: http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/Hollywood_1336 pattern number 5, the tie front bolero.

25 08 2010
SD

No.5 awesome. Will take to cheap tailor (have 0 craft skills). Will make a great blouse for a sari 🙂

25 08 2010
vivisection

Is that a Leg of Mutton Sleeve? I hope so.

25 08 2010
pb

it pretty much is, but it is shorter than a proper leg of mutton sleeve. i’ve made a calico version which looks so fantastic i’m actually going to dye it and maybe wear it, and am now making it in velvet.

25 08 2010
vivisection

Velvet will look great. And a Leg of Mutton sleeve will cover a multitude of sins including fadoobadas…

25 08 2010
SD

pb are you on etsy?

25 08 2010
pb

no, i’m not. i’ve thought about it, but don’t really make enough stuff. you can see some things i’ve made here, though: http://www.burdastyle.com/profiles/pambox/my_studio/projects

25 08 2010
SD

pb I like them all but I LOVE the call it what you will coat.

25 08 2010
pb

thanks. i think that’s my favourite one too – i love my tie dress as well but it was an absolute bastard to sew.

25 08 2010
vivisection

pb, you need to change the tie dress name to “Don’t Tie This at Home”. I agree with SD, the Call It What You Will coat is fantastic. I can see a purple bow working with it well too.

25 08 2010
pb

i might just do that name change!

24 08 2010
Shirley M

My great aunt could draw up that pattern quicker than you could say McCall’s, and she’d do it cheaper than $300, that’s for sure.

24 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

my mum is a dressmaker and tailor and has a massive collection of old patterns Butterick, the whole happy hands collection, mcalls. I want to get it up on ebay. she really doesn’t need it.

24 08 2010
pb

if i ask very nicely can i have them?

24 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

maybe…
I’m gonna see her in a fortnight.

24 08 2010
Mandi

Thank you for sharing this site, I’m keeping it aside until I learn to sew. I especially love this wedding dress for a giant air hostess!
http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/Butterick_2570

24 08 2010
vivisection

That is practical! In fact if you add wings to the hat, you could be like Sister Bertrille – The Flying Nun , as played by the always effervescent Sally Fields.. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7d/The_Flying_Nun.jpg

24 08 2010
jed

holy hell, we’re still going here.

c’mon guys, first 50 posts – sure cutting edge.
50-100 – still on the mark.
100-150 – dane cook territory.
150+ i’ll remain polite.

surely a bogan trait is milking something for all it’s worth. don’t become what you’re accusing others of being.

24 08 2010
vivisection

Thanks Jed, remind us again, what have you done?

24 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The problem seems to be nuff nuff’s who think the comments are made for their benefit. I comment for my own amusement and if other people like it thats a bonus. Actually I enjoy the company of many posters here and that’s enough for me. I’ll milk if I want to, so there.

24 08 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

The main thing I took from this is that someone at TBL is a communist.

24 08 2010
vivisection

they are everywhere, i hear.

24 08 2010
pb

i’m one, according to the crazy lady on the train station last friday morning. and so are all ‘young people’, and so that’d probably include all tbl writers.

24 08 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Perhaps some of us are fascists ?

24 08 2010
SD

TBLers I have an urgent query.

Every single 18 year old boy I know back home is slavishly devoted to Iron Maiden.

Is it permissible to mock this on Facebook? Or am I the one who is uncool, inhabiting as I do some netherland between Gen Y and X?!

24 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That’s tough. Whilst I think facebook is a bit bogan, and I am a luddite in that respect, subverting the medium to mock people who deserve it is probably ok.

24 08 2010
vivisection

Mock away. It’s not as bad as P!nk. But it’s mockable in my opinion. But then, most things are.

24 08 2010
martin

I would have thought Iron Maiden would be more like baby boomer/gen x. Theyŕe so old now. Even though most people dont like them they get a lot of respect. I dont think its mock worthy Im sorry. Even though generally metal bands sound like shit theyve got awesome musicianship.

24 08 2010
vivisection

Martin, you of all people have a mockability limit? Shocking.

24 08 2010
martin

Yeah I respect musicians. 🙂 Well, actual musicians. Ie people whove spent years gaining skill.

24 08 2010
SD

Thanks all – keeping in mind Martin’s mockability limit, I shall duly mock away:-)

24 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Where does that leave John Mayer?

24 08 2010
quangaroo

Oh DFO – where people go crazy over prices on boxing day even though said items were cheaper the week before…

26 08 2010
Laura

Despite being surrounded by THEM my whole life, I refused to actually ever find out what DFOs even ARE. It’s one bogue thing I have NO experience with. Not next to none, but NONE, nada. For this, thank Christ Almighty mighty me…

26 08 2010
Laura

I love this blog. *Worship worship worship*

26 08 2010
Phil

I love near (-ish), the Brisbane DFO. Go there maybe once a year. Have bought some cheap ($5) non-brand t shirts there – nice colours. I have read all of the comments above and agree with most.

However, 3 years ago, after looking around for a new amplifier more than 15 years I stumbled into the Sony outlet. A particular amplifier (one only in stock) was reduced from $3998 to $1895. I went home, googled it, read the reviews (including the RRP), saw a bargain, rang the guy, told him to hold it, went straight back and paid cash for it. He even carried it out to my car for me. It sounds great and hasn’t given a moment’s regret. A real bargain. The place is full of bogues though.

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