Bogan Bribe Watch – August 20th

20 08 2010

Swinging

The bogan, when asked, will tell you, in no uncertain terms, that it is a ‘swinging voter’, and not simply because it allows for jokes about fucking your wife. For once, the bogan will be entirely accurate in its self-assessment with regards to politics. Indeed, little does the bogan know this, but the word bogan is utterly synonymous with ‘swing voter’.

Well, perhaps not only synonymous, but also potentially antithetical. There are two distinct types of bogan voters; all of whom are fiercely, proudly disengaged from the political process. The first is the bogan who, unaware of its distinct lack of political awareness, will simply vote for the party that its parents did, slavishly following the team it was raised to support, proudly spouting the talking points of their respective leader: “We’ll Stop the Boats”/”They’ll Bring Back WorkChoices”. The other is more insidious.

While many non-bogans consider themselves to be swing voters, this is actually not the case. Most ordinary people, while telling themselves that they have yet to allocate their precious democratic right to one or another party, they actually have a longstanding, rigorously constructed internal political philosophy, a prism through which both major parties’ policies pass. They pretty much know who they’re voting for, but don’t want to admit that they’re really as dyed-in-the-wool as the next blinkered suburbanite. These people are not swing voters, and it seems that the Rooty Hill RSL and Broncos Leagues Club are infested with these decided undecideds.

The swinging bogan, however, has no such internal political compass. Functional political illiterate that it is, it views political promises from its presidential candidates through only two filters: “what’s in it for me?” and “how likely am I to get it?” On polling day, the bogan’s vote is a limp dick in the wind, aimlessly wafting in whichever direction proffers the least resistance, hence the watching of bogan bribes that we have undertaken. Generously, the bogan waits until the very last moment for completing its swing, allowing our prospective and putative leaders ample time to fashion appropriate enticements to follow one how-to-vote card over another.

Walking into the booth, the bogan pauses, and reflects over the various policy pronouncements that were brought to its attention during the various 90-second news pieces on 7 and 9 news, and the occasional foray into the highbrow news services offered by the 7pm Project. It looks at the green slip, and ticks the box for ‘Liberal’. It then looks at the monstrous swathe of paper that represents the senate ballot. Confronted and confounded by the sheer size of the thing, the bogan, in an effort to hedge its bets, ticks ‘Labor’, then folds up the ballot and stuffs it into the box.

Wither it swings left or right in the winds of its feckless political imaginings, one thing is for certain. The bogan will not vote Green.

Please, stop the votes.


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166 responses

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Swinging voters?I thought they were the one who thought they could do a preference deal with the next doors wife.

20 08 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. Did you skip the first sentence of the post?

20 08 2010
Shirley M

Who do you have pegged to win the election, TBL?

20 08 2010
vivisection

No-one will win in this election Shirley, no-one.

20 08 2010
Shirley M

Let me rephrase my question. Which political party do you think will become our government tomorrow, TBL?

We endorse a hung parliament. Until bogans start making dick jokes. Then we’re skipping town. TBL

20 08 2010
Dgusten

Shirl, check out TBL’s prediction in a reply to a comment on post #47 that I was bemused to stumble across yesterday:

Right Wing (24/01/2010 18:20:09) :
Who really cares what all you leftists say ? Rights on the way in Left is on the way out bye bye illegal immigrants

I see. With Rudd almost certain to win another term this year, your clumsy outburst is an interesting one… TBL

I assume they’d revise that prediction somewhat now… (which isn’t to say I wouldn’t have thought the exact same thing at the time).

Anywho, can I make a prediction of my own? That the outcome of the election will determine whether Monday’s post is “#167: The Labor Party” or “#167: The Liberal Party”? That’s assuming the result is known by Monday. And that there isn’t a hung Parliament…

Ha, yes, happy to admit there were a few unforseen events there! TBL

20 08 2010
Shirley M

Which they will. So will James Hunter. Thanks for responding.

20 08 2010
Dgusten

Ah, maybe we’ll have “#167: A (Well)-Hung Parliament”?

20 08 2010
Mitch-Jay

I agree with vivisection, dear lord jesus christ.

The way I’m going I’ll wind up agreeing with bob brown and his leftist ideals/policy.

20 08 2010
Son of Duane

Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

20 08 2010
pb

twirling towards freedom?

20 08 2010
Cleveland Brown

I come from a staunch Kang household

20 08 2010
Bec

Go ahead! Throw your vote away!

20 08 2010
pb

ah, ross perot. whatever happened to him?

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Maybe shacked up with Sarah Pallin ?

20 08 2010
Tone

viv’s right. That said, I think common sense will suffer the greatest loss come tomorrow.

20 08 2010
pb

i must let everyone know my fun little experience this morning. at the station there were people handing out campaign leaflets. one woman came down the stairs looking at one of the leaflets she’d been given, and asked the nearest other person about what one of the graphs meant (i didn’t take the leaflets so don’t know the specifics). anyway, this other woman started going on about how her housing commission rent had gone up and generally rambling about things (at this point i was only half listening). she then started going on about how the local mp has held the seat for more than 15 years and it should be illegal to be an mp for that long, and that the US president only serves four years. at this point i made the mistake of correcting her and saying a US president can serve 8 years if they serve two terms. then she started going on about how i was wrong and young people know nothing, something about russia and the law being decided every 300 years and everything else being illegal, how badly gypsies have been treated (from what i gathered that was here background), general ramblings about jews, how the local mp is probably a jew, how all european law comes from napoleon, and how all young people are communists who know nothing. there was a lot more to it than this – she went on for five minutes, and may well have continued on the train but thankfully got on a different carriage to me – but these are some of the highlights.

20 08 2010
vivisection

So you met a Family First candidate – Lucky you.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Fairly deadly ?

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

jesus. family first.
hopefully never to be seen again.
Stephen Fielding.
words fail*

*not a haiku

20 08 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Amazing. A person living in social housing complaining about communists. The nerve of it.

20 08 2010
lol-plates

I love a good crazy person with a jewish conspiracy rant. Hell if she was a gypsie then wouldn’t she and the jews have something in common that happened about 70 years ago?

BTW at my local station one nation posters are up, but no candidates on the leaflet drop. Damn shire bogans.

20 08 2010
pb

it was strange, because she did talk about what had happened to the gypsies, and when she was talking about jews it seemed to veer between positive and negative. frankly i don’t think even she knew what the hell she was going on about.
you’re in the shire? i’m just north of you in banks electorate. one nation are standing here, but i haven’t heard a peep from them. barely heard anything from anyone, really. there do seem to benefits in living in a safe electorate in a benign area.

20 08 2010
AntiPajero

I’ve noticed that a hallmark of the bogan political dynamic is that this election is about “Tony versus Julia”, and nothing to do with one’s respective electorate.

I live in a leafy, mauve-rinse seat. The tories will keep it, and any Internet infrastructure there will always be rubbish.

20 08 2010
Shirley M

You can’t blame them, really. That’s how the election is sold to the masses.

20 08 2010
Dave

It is quite amazing how this election has focussed on lack of leader vs lack of leader. And yet, after Rudd was ousted the general argument from the ALP was that people voted for the ALP rather than Rudd at the last election.

20 08 2010
Dave

Where has the vision gone? Where are the identities that shine through as leaders who boldly declare that Australia is going in a set direction, and who is coming along for the ride?

20 08 2010
vivisection

Just in – some common sense amongst the masses – Nick Cave beats Bernard Fanning as preferred PM: There is hope!

http://www.theage.com.au/national/nick-cave-voted-pm-20100819-12rz5.html

20 08 2010
vivisection

oh , it was My Space poll. * Jubilant cheering abruptly ends*

20 08 2010
Benny Hill

I predicting an Abbott win and Bishop to stab him in the back (or stare him in the face) to take control of the Liberal party within a year.

I just hope I don’t get my ballot paper confused with a tissue.

20 08 2010
Benny Hill

*I’m

20 08 2010
T-ra

hmmm Benny, I am thinking an Abbott win and Malcolm Turnball to stab him in the back in 24 months time, with Julie Bishop continuing to stand beside who ever has the top job, in that hidous light blue skirt suit and pearls she insists on wearing!

Kevin Rudd is my local member…I have it figured that however I vote is not going to make one damn bit of difference, so I am just going down to the local primary school for the sausage sizzle and obligatory cake stall…tease all the people handing out ‘how to vote’ cards by taking one from everyone and throwing them all in the bin before I hit the voting booth, draw a sailboat on my voting paper, then reserve my right to bitch for the next three years about whoever gets in! Goodness…I am a bogan!

20 08 2010
Shirley M

I have a similar strategy to you T-Ra. I don’t give a toss which major party wins this election. I do however, care about who’s in the senate. I will be voting below the line in the senate, and drawing a leaky cock on my reps ballot. I will also buy some delicious cakes from the old ladies at the stall which I will be taking to the election party I will be attending later in the day.

20 08 2010
Tombarina

I’m in the same (electoral) boat as you, T-Ra.

The rosy-cheeked bescpectacled twat will romp it in locally, especially since the alternatives are an apparent mute with a good head of hair (Lib), a God-bothering 22yo student/barista who’s also a married father of 1 or 2 (F-off First), a bus-driving gun nut (Socialist), the obligatory whackjob independents and a chick from the Greens that I’ve seen hide nor hair of, despite twice having emailed her seeking info on policies.

I’m looking forward to the sausage-in-a-blanket, though. *nom nom nom*

20 08 2010
Dgusten

Fair enough, but:
(a) Shirely, who comes first on your senate preferences out of Labor and Liberal? and
(b) T-ra, if you lived in a marginal seat, would you still draw a sailboat on your reps ballot?

The “many non-bogans consider themselves to be swing voters” paragraph definitely struck a cord with me. I don’t want to consider myself rusted on labor but in all the state and federal elections I’ve voted in they’ve been preferenced above the libs (it’s been a pretty easy for me federally when the choice of leader was always Howard vs anyone), and I knew they would be this time again as soon as the election was called (again, easy choice with Abott vs anyone)…

But I’m definitely not going for either of the majors first in the Senate…

20 08 2010
Shirley M

I’ll be voting greens as number 1 in the senate, and labor will figure higher than liberal.

20 08 2010
Dgusten

Why not vote for the Greens candidate in the house of reps?

First preference votes affect the amount of public funding that goes to political parties in future elections.

http://www.aec.gov.au/Parties_and_Representatives/public_funding/index.htm

So even if your vote ultimately gets preferenced, it counts for something.

Maybe Tombarina’s Green candidate would have had a better chance of replying to her email with more public funding for their campaign?

20 08 2010
Shirley M

I’m not in total agreement with all of the Greens policy. In fact, I’m not in total agreement with anyones policies. This entire campaign has left me pretty jaded, to tell the truth, and if I don’t have a reasonable amount of confidence in any of my candidates, why vote for them? I do think it’s important to bring positive change into the Senate, though.

20 08 2010
Dgusten

Can’t argue with that – I definitely feel that jaded is the best word for my thoughts on politics.

I think there’s something wrong about anyone who doesn’t feel jaded by this election (ie they’re probably a bogan).

There better be a f#cking sausage sizzle at my polling station tomorrow.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
If you do not vote for anyone then you will surely get the govmint you deserve

20 08 2010
Shirley M

That’s very faux-profound.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
Thanks, I’m trying ,some say, very trying .

20 08 2010
lol-plates

I’ve been lobbying my biblestudy group about voting Green 😛 . I think they might be comming round about, especially with their asylum seeker stance.
I am voting 1 Green senate, make sure libs and those crazy patriot guys are at the bottom. Not sure where I will place labor, i just don’t know.
My inner socialist wants to like em for old time sake when I was a kid and dad screaming at the telly when Howard was on it.
I am in a safe lib seat, curse me getting married and moving electorate! I could have voted Dana vale out 😦
Now I’ve got scott morrison 😦 .
House of reps, makes me sad.

20 08 2010
T-ra

No, if I were in a marginal seat and thought my vote could do any thing other than give a counter something to do after 6.00pm on Saturday, then I wouldn’t just draw a sailboat..I would probably draw a dinosaur as well.

But seriously, Tombarina’s assessment of the canidates in Griffith is spot on. I think the other parties all know they are on a hiding to nothing against the Ruddster (and don’t forget this year he is going to get a lot of sympathy votes as well), so they put up lame duck canidates to give the appearance of putting up a fight, but they all know it isn’t worth the effort.

As for the senate, I have traditionally not voted for a major party there. I think if you put a major party in charge in the upper house, the risk of the senate just becoming a rubber stamp is too great and its whole existance will be nothing more than a waste of time.

20 08 2010
AntiPajero

That idea about giving the minor parties more strength in the senate is a good one. Irrespective of who gets in, it would be in the major opposition’s best interests to never give any good (or popular) policies their support without some attaching some destructive and unpopular conditions, whilst ensuring that any bad policies are given the red carpet treatment.

The minor parties, on the other hand, should notionally be treating whatever the government does with its requisite scrutiny.
Unless they’re One Nation.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Have you ever actually read Paulines maiden speach ? She was misrepresented by the media and demonised by the magor parties. I do not believe she was ever racist. She did insist though that everyone be treated equally.
If you cannot find her maiden speach in Hansard find a copy of her book. You may well be suprised.

20 08 2010
Captain Steroids

Tony Abbott must be hitting the bogan dust to keep wake for 36 hours.

Hopefully he will go paranoid and violent and glass Joe Hockey.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

wonder what else he learned at the semenary ?

20 08 2010
martin

Vote for the Stable Population Party in the senate! Group T above the line! In NSW only.

I think I’ll predict an Abbott victory also. I think Labor is starting to make people feel pretty sick.

20 08 2010
Mitch-Jay

Bogans will vote green, like you said they’re swinging voters.

other than those bogans that “don’t vote, because they’re all liars anyways”

20 08 2010
Anoymous

Greens have the hipster vote. They would have much more power if they appealed to more bogans. It’s quite amusing seeing all the facebook status’, profile pics, and groups “I’M VOTING FOR THE GREENS”.

20 08 2010
Michael

“It looks at the green slip, and ticks the box for ‘Liberal’. It then looks at the monstrous swathe of paper that represents the senate ballot. Confronted and confounded by the sheer size of the thing, the bogan, in an effort to hedge its bets, ticks ‘Labor’, then folds up the ballot and stuffs it into the box.

Wither it swings left or right in the winds of its feckless political imaginings, one thing is for certain. The bogan will not vote Green.”

Haha, very clever TBL. Not sure if anyone else has picked up on this: If what you say in this blog entry is true, bogans won’t be voting for anyone. If they place a tick anywhere on the ballot box, it becomes informal.

That was the implication, yes. Functioning political illiterate and all…TBL

20 08 2010
Michael

Brilliant!

20 08 2010
Happy

im a bogan and ive been voting Greens for quite a few years now. . .

20 08 2010
Will S

Okay, so I live in an ultra-safe Labor seat, so safe they put in parachute candidates (union hack/local tv presenter) at both state and federal levels

Can’t convince anyone to help make our seat more marginal because they “don’t want to vote for that Mr. Abbott”… what do?

20 08 2010
MIck Thick

I have hated elections since I was able to vote, and have found this election one of the most uninspiring to date. (Although there was on election between Howard and Beasley right? Talk about a choice between a turd sandwich and a giant douche.)

So rather then donkey vote and pass my preference to some National nut-bag, I am letting my dick make the call for me this time and voting for this hot piece of ass.

20 08 2010
Tone

That’s why I voted Greens in the Senate at the last election.

Sarah Hanson-Young is the hottest senator since Natasha Stott-Despoja.

20 08 2010
dean

nice accent, i would vote for her for that reason only

20 08 2010
CoffeeSnob

‘Bout time Australia had its own Republican Party to, and here I quote from the Simpsons, “… lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a KING.”

Or is that the Libs? Really need something to balance out the Greens and One Nation just ain’t it. Hmmm what’s this Tea Party I’ve been hearing about in the US of A…

20 08 2010
pb

ughm the tea party – at least we don’t (yet) have cave dwellers like them. i’m beginning to think tony abbott may well be the dubya of australian politics – belligerent dimwit who for some reason gets voted in.
but that brings up another question – who will be the sarah palin of australian politics?

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Bronwin Hiccup

20 08 2010
Rob

I absolutely, without reservation, do *not* want to say this in support of Abbott, but…

Dubbya was not a Rhodes Scholar. Literally or figuratively. Abbott at least has the literal part going for him.

21 08 2010
pb

ok, so abbott has some smarts to get a fancy scholarship, but there’s still a lot of similarities between the two of them.

22 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

If Fony Rabbit gets up (God forbid!!!, literally), at least one good will come out of this: it’ll be rich pickings for satirists all over the country. I’d love to see a band make a video in homage to the Jurassic 5 & Dave Matthews Band’s “Work It Out”, with its savage lampooning of Dubya and his fitness regimen: we could have Julie Bishop paraphrasing Condeleezza Rice and see Philip Ruddock having defibrillation, to give him yet another lease of life, a walking ghost if there ever was.

And another great thing: looks like Stoopid Steve has lost his spot in the Senate and Uncle Ironknob might too have been prised from his previously Araldited seat of O’Connor in the West! Hoorah!

20 08 2010
dean

Im going to go out on a limb and proclaim that the Sex Party will do well, purely because it is called the Sex Party.

21 08 2010
Steve

It would have done much better if it were the first written in the senate sheet. Unfortunately the Climate Sceptics take up that spot.

21 08 2010
Steve

oh wait, that was SA only.

20 08 2010
James Hunter

Do they promis that everyone who votes for them will get a bit?

20 08 2010
Will S

This election… is about YOU.

21 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I’m voting below the line, having visited the eponymous website and customised my Senate ballot preferences.

What I have done, in contrast to the endorsed ticket as supplied by the team I am voting for (guesses from the audience? Green? Got it in one. Well, how’d you guess, smartarse? Is it ’cause I look and sound like a libtard?), is rearranged my preferences towards the minor parties in an order that best reflects my own personal inclinations. Then with the majors, I have reversed the order of preference, highest being the lowest ranked senator, to the lowest vote for the incumbent/first on the ticket, to really fück with their own quotas. Then stone motherless last, are the various rabbles of dingbats, fruitloops and scumbags, again applying the reverse order on the groupings, to ensure they get no value out of me.

As for the House of Reps, I live in a relatively safe Labor seat (Perth), with Foreign Minister Stephen Smith as our member. At least he’s been one of the quiet achievers in the last Parliament, very able in his role: anyone had to be better than that mincing prat, Lord Downer! Still voting Greens there, but I too, as some have intimated here, would preference the ALP over the Libs, because I fear what Australia would be like with the likes of someone who I’m certain would be sorely tempted to blur the lines separating church and state and harbour a malignant disdain for those who choose not to participate in the lifestyle as approved by the boganic hordes.

I’m sure anarchy would be, philosophically, be the ideal state of affairs for many participants in the TBL forum, but realise that it would be unworkable, for there’ll always be those bastards who will avail themselves to taking advantage of the meek, vulnerable and indecisive. That is why we must somehow suffer this parliament of fools, for at least some form of (for some parts) reasonable governance and regulation, to prevent those previously spivs from completely devouring us. But we are still, in full concert of the governments of both main streams, are beholden to the interests of the powerful, with the government doing their bidding—it’s just not quite as much as a direct threat as say, some goons physically ejecting you from your home and not having a leg to stand on, if there were anarchy and no laws to govern property rights. It’s far more subtle: you mightn’t get shoved out of your home with the way things stand, be it Labor or Liberal. But to be sure, no doubt the property lobbyists would do all in their powers and influence to bend legislation their way, to have a climate conducive to property development and speculation, which they in turn market as beneficial—to some, which it is, but on the whole, they having greater sway would undermine the security of your asset or tenure with your home, so they can profit from your uncertainty.

Geez, gone on another bloody late-night tangent: why are there so few left-wing loonies beyond Phillip Adams on RN on the radio? There’s no paucity of pugnacious plonkers polluting the air from the rabid Right, so where’s the balance? Or is it just that much of those who identify as Left are mostly reasonable, and are less inclined to be as downright nasty as these has-beens? Of course, there are those batty on that side too, but perhaps they don’t rise to the top like creamscum, just remaining sediment.

Better stop before this tangent about being tangental manifests a life unto its own: Bag O’Turnips’ advice to everyone here and anyone else—yes, bogans too—is to vote wisely, for after all, you reap what you sow.

As turnips I shall sow, turnips I shall (hope to) reap. Mind you, not at this time of the year over here, most of them would have been harvested already 😉

21 08 2010
Anon

You sound like a watered down HST.

21 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72 is a definitive political work for our time.

22 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Hunter S. Thompson, gonzo journalist extraordinaire. Sorely missed, but at least we can still read the many volumes of his incisive missives.

His proclivity to guns notwithstanding, I find myself in furious agreement with many of his beliefs and outlooks: a libertarian who realised that not everyone can be trusted with being conferred full agency of their lives, and railing at busybodies in positions of authority who think it their business to interfere with certain (often private) aspects of their lives. Mind you, I too do believe government has a valuable role to play in assisting with day-to-day living (probably more so than HST, but that’s probably more by dint of the fact he was American; I venture to ponder what his beliefs upon the role of govt, say if he came from Britain or mainland Europe), but I feel there are limits though, as to far their influence should extend: as for matters of personal effect and conscience, then let me make the best decisions that suit my needs not adversely and directly affecting others, or they can well-and-truly blow themselves. And that’s my main worry with Fony Rabbit and his rabble of rabid reactionaries: what if I were gay and wanted to legally consolidate my relationship? Or what if I impregnated a woman at an inopportune time and decided with her to terminate? What if I want to—responsibly—take drugs in the safety and comfort of my own home? What if I didn’t want to have a faith-based service provider assisting me in extricating me from a difficult life stage?

These, amongst many others, are the very matters I do not believe it the government’s business, nor should they impose upon us all their own morality, which is often just a vanity, a masquerade they hide behind, in order to court influence. Fücking hypocrites…they’d incinerate a tinderbox, lest they be subjected to their own prism of values they espouse.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

you look like the stig.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubbybloodfart live from Cooktown (possiblythe least bogan place in Aust. more at ten.)

Beautiful TBL. one of my favourites ever.
Muchas Gracias Muchachos for Bogan Bribe Watch. my political savvy has increased by some sort of multiplier and I am grateful to youse.

also
i) called it!
ii) if any bogan so much as joked about f#cking my wife I would skin it. over the course of a year.
iii) I loved the “presidential” line,
but
iv) didn’t dig the “limp dick” metaphor. just couldn’t work up a decent visual on it. y’know?
v) I thought the penultimate paragraph was one of the funniest things I’ve read for yonks (been reading all this Ian M. Banks sci-fi stuff – I mean it’s witty, but not “laugh out loud” funny.) Purest TBL gold.
but that probably just says more about me.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

HST is high praise. someone said I reminded them of Alan from Hangover.
but yes I probably agree with BoT (and HST and also Bill Burroughs).
The rest of youse…
For Shame.
who dares muse on a Donkey Vote?
are you insane???
there is a fundamental philosophical difference between the two majors.
which one is in makes a fundamental difference to the direction our much lauded “way of life” heads.
what is the hangover of the last liberal government?
for the first time in my forty odd years I am wary/afraid/ashamed of saying I am an Australian overseas.
it was once a badge of honour.
our brand is irreprably damaged.
people have short memories.
the recent history of the new right has brought great miseries apon western culture and we swallow it all for a plasma TV and a breeder box.
Commerce will go on regardless.

In the early 21st century it is apparent to this commenter that the role of Government is as conscience and restraint to the Market not as it’s procurer…

21 08 2010
Shirley M

There WAS a fundamental philosophical difference between the two majors. Not so much now.

I maintain that making the educated decision not to vote is better than making the uneducated decision to vote.

For the record, I ended up voting after all. My seat is marginal and I don’t want to see it wind up as a liberal seat. I did, however, draw a leaky cock on my polling booth.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

@P!nky.
Lao Tsu slept once and dreamt he was a butterfly. When he awoke and remembered he wondered “Was I a man who dreamt he was a butterfly or am I a butterfly dreaming he is a man?”

(Edna says she heard the same story about Carl Jung, except he thought he was a cat or something)

lots of love Edna and Chubby

21 08 2010
vivisection

Something to enjoy before Kochie and Mel and Karl and Tracey begin six hours of fluffed up speculation.

21 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And I will give you all this. Still gives me goosebumps.

21 08 2010
vivisection

Facebook count a few minutes ago shows 2 bogans I know who forgot to vote….They remembered to announce it on Facebook within 15 minutes of the booths closing though. Probably best they didn’t vote.

21 08 2010
Shirley M

My facebook parent bogan has this to say about voting:

XXX waited in line forever because so many people in Goodna can not read.. even the people who wore glasses couldn’t read and took forever to fill in their voting forms…so annoying!!.

21 08 2010
vivisection

Meanwhile , It took all of my self control to not publicly berate people who were in and out in under 30 seconds! And those with Liberal Party pamphlets.

21 08 2010
Shirley M

I was pleasantly surprised that most of those voting within my spying distance appeared to be voting below the line.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

@shirley
bravo!
and extra bravo on the leaky cock!
did you know edna’s father (wielding a mighty omar sharif mo) invented the cardboard voting booth?
True Story
perhaps the philosophical divide is less evident these days, but alas that is the way the worlkd has turned. the market is all we have, and even the most barefoot and dreadlocked among us must play that game or perish. how much moreso our political champions?
Is it not still true that Liberal saves and Labour spends?
It’s always nice to get something for your money in a more direct way than waiting for it to “trickle down” from the fortune 500.

um…
where was I?

oh yeah. I did spend some few years off the roll. possibly for similar motivations to your own (I think I was sort of all “Why should I go through the farce of supporting a representative democracy, when that’s not what we actually have?”) but I realised it was a bit like public nudity: it’s only gonna come off if everyone else is doing it.

21 08 2010
Shirley M

Please give my apologies to Edna’s dad, re: defacing his invention, but do explain that I was expressing myself in an artistic way, and an eraser will clear that shit all up.

21 08 2010
Tombarina

Major, MAJOR debacle at my local booth in KRudd-land…..after queuing for ages, having a mild disagreement with the self-righteous simpleton handing out Family First how-to-votes, and then laboriously voting below the line, the sausage-in-a-blanket stall sold out.

They sold the last one to a hugely fat child in front of me.

Outrageous.

Had to drive to Bunnings for a BBQ sausage. I really love BBQ sausages.

I’d have voted for the Sausage Party, if they ran candidates. Or existed.

Instead, I hope to see the Secular Party get a look-in this election.

21 08 2010
martin

No sausage for me either. I had to cook some for myself at home, not nearly as good as getting them from the outside. Must be a bogan thing. BBQ sausages are always way better when someone else cooks them.

I guess it was interesting in that the people handing out Liberal how to vote papers were about 100 years old, the Labor person was some young fella who had the aura of a used car salesman, and the Greens woman looked like a 40 year old lesbian and had a commie hat on. Like the kind of hat Che Gueveraś army would have worn.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

yay lezzies!
I used to buy pot from a classic brown trousered lezzie in the late 80’s.
Sociology Professor and just the most profound Earth Mother I have met.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

I think I preferenced the secular party somewhere.
funnily enuff, I actually found myself voting backwards; starting with the most ludicrous or loathsome and working my way back to number one.

22 08 2010
Tombarina

That’s exACTly what I did – found Wendy “gay-parents-produce-tramautised-kiddies” Francis, licked my pencil, and drew a big, juicy ’60’ next to her name. Then spent the next 20 dishing out hurt or reward as I saw fit.

For me, the whole campaign was like that – punish who sucked the most, rather than vote for the most worthy and reflective.

21 08 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Poor Tombarina, we voted early last week in Cairns and were also sausagely disenfranchised. I was hurt. I thought the LNP ladies could have at least whipped up a few scones, but nothing!
As a recovering vegetarian I would totally support the BBQ sausage party, but I would vote for the Thai Green Currys for the senate.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

I would vote for the Lamb Chop Party.

21 08 2010
Shirley M

Breaking news. I’ve been pushing the #vote1cock campaign on Twitter and I have just received news from a scrutineer that a ballot with a large cock has been found. *proud*

21 08 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

@Shirley
Omar Cardboarde-Boothe would be proud to see his innovation turned to such a fine expression of democracy. He’s such an old leftie.
Best of luck with #vote1cock. You should be very proud. An achievement to rival the Jedi in the ’96 census. I shall be paying closest attention to the news for more findings.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

someone drew a penis in the dirt on the back of my car the other week.
I was really offended until I realised just now that it was only free political expression.

I am totally for free political expression.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

our electorate is called boothby.

funny name

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

boothby on a knife edge.
maybe boothby is a bellweather seat.

so effing anxious.
if the libs get back in I’m moving to New Zealand

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

Paul Bowes looking nervous.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

I mean Howes not Bowes.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

Vale Maxine McKew.

never was there a greater political thrill than watching Howard lose his seat in ’07.

21 08 2010
brad

yes there was-watching her lose it.ABC sychophant.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

or reading libtard comments like yours,not.

22 08 2010
brad

sounds like someone’s had a rough night,dont worry JH we’ve all got our wish-a rudderless ship(no pun intended)

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

abc employee.

22 08 2010
martin

That was pretty cool. She was such a libtard darling for all of a week. Then we never saw her again.

22 08 2010
martin

And from my knowledge she never actually did anything and now she’s blamed the removal of Rudd for her losing her seat. Lol.

22 08 2010
libertarianvegetarian

Seeing Maxine loose her seat was my greatest political thrill to date.
Then seeing Swan have to go to preferences to keep his.
Then seeing 20yo Wyatt Roy get up in Longman.
And if Ken Wyatt gets up in Hasluck that’ll be pretty good too.
That would mean the LNP has produced the youngest MP as well as the first indigenous MP (of course the first indigenous senator was Lib some 30+ years ago).

22 08 2010
pb

i don’t understand the mentality of voting for a 20 year old kid. what knowledge and ability is he supposed to have? he’ll likely do absolutely nothing and be a one term wonder.

22 08 2010
Shirley M

I think having a youngster is a nice change. He may not have worldliness under his belt, but I’m sure he has more passion than your average middle aged man. Let’s give the kid a go, even if he does have a name straight out of a Western film.

22 08 2010
martin

I agree. Better than another spineless old fart. He’s actually looks very smart imo, I saw him being interviewed on tele last night. I can see him being PM in the future. Who knows, maybe when he’s still in his 20s. Lol.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

For a liberal ,maybe , he is still young enough to be honest ?

22 08 2010
pb

his youth will play against him massively, i think. if an older politician doesn’t do what they’ve promised the attitude is cynicism about typical lying politicians. if this guy doesn’t do what he’s promised he won’t last. people will turn against the ‘stupid kid who knew nothing and made a fool of himself’. that’s how i see it panning out, anyway. i guess it depends on who forms government and how quickly the novelty of youngest mp wears off.

22 08 2010
Shirley M

That’s all just conjecture, though. He will certainly be given a hard time in parliament, and I hope he has the nous to stand up to it. Having said that, I’m sure people said the same things you’re saying about the first female MP.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

everyone knows the young are hopelessly idealistic. I’m tipping he’ll burn out in two years and get caught eating sushi rolls off a dead hooker in a Nambour motel after succumbing to amphetamine psychosis.
that would be cool.

23 08 2010
Ha!

Having moved from Bennelong to Mitchell recently, I purposely did not update my register details just to have the pleasure of voting out that useless cow.

Give Wyatt a chance. After all, he is actually attempting to make a go of it. Im guessing all the 20 yr old Labor party members are still trying to get that Arts degree…..

22 08 2010
PD

I bet if he was a 20 year old Greens candidate you wouldn’t be saying that

22 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

The 20 y.o. Green is likely to have a head full of ideas (some brilliant, some fantastical), whereas the similarly aged Labor is most likely an ambitious union-affiliated law student interested in maintaining the status quo and the Lib will often be a commerce/law student, even more ambitious, with a young fogey outlook even more dedicated to preserving the status quo.

I know who I’d rather and only one of them has any worthwhile vision for the future.

22 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I sincerely hope that if Fony Rabbit & The Dogwhistlers play a tune that picks on the indigenous peoples, that Ken Wyatt gives them a kick in the seat of the pants by crossing the floor, otherwise he’ll be no more than their token black man, which would be most pitiful, not to mention pernicious.

And same applies to his (unusually fair-minded for a Wib) Judi Moylan in the seat next door, Pearce (NE Perth and Avon valley), in regards to refugee policy: I too hope she has the internal fortitude to tell Abbott, Andrews, Ruddock, Morrison and all the other fearmongers where to get off, should they be in government and wish to implement policies that beat up on these foreign Others. Otherwise, I hope that they each get postboxes and email in-trays overwhelmed from campaigns by ginger groups like GetUp! to remind them of their consciences.

Turn back teh boats. Yeah. And send those bastards who peddle prejudice on their richly superannuated cruise to irrelevance.

22 08 2010
pb

stop the boats! no more p&o cruises! all teenage yachties to be deported!

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

breaking news!
Bogans take Bowman.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

that black dress is a dingo!

21 08 2010
Tombarina

It’s a worry when the count is more exciting than the campaign.

One cracker voter comment in today’s Courier “I love you, Tone” Mail: “I’ve never been more disappointed with the options for Australia – it’s like beinf forced into an arranged marriage, and having to choose between two awful prospective husbands.”

21 08 2010
brad

Looks like there’s a lot of pissed people in God’s own(and i dont mean the XXXX type)

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

Jaymes Diaz polling well in greenway…
Bogans in parliament.

will we ever have a PM with a superfluous, supernumerary, supercilious “Y”?
or is it just a question of when?

22 08 2010
Tombarina

It’s inevitable. There’s already a brace of superfluous ‘Ys’ in the senate – BarnabY JoYce…..

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

Edna is convinced pennY wong is actually Kevin Rudd.
it works if you take the glasses off and give him a black dye club cut.

21 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

queensland
pffft.

21 08 2010
Gaylord McFister

Looks like the bogans are voting Labour if the bogan site is anything to
go by.

http://www.bogan.com.au/

21 08 2010
lighthouse

The bogan will now joke endlessly about being hung down under.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

an interesting (non) result…
Christine Milne on the radio saying voters have clearly prioritised things like compassion and sustainability.
looks like TBL tipped the bogan vote accurately; a tick for one party and a cross for the other.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

…so now we are deprived of the “I didn’t vote for…” bleat.
apparently no-one voted for anyone.
How will bogans interpret a hung parliament? apart from the dick jokes, obviously.

I’d be happy with the Libs in minoroty. it parallels the UK; good fiscal managers with a little “jiminy cricket” to pull them up.
But either way I guess we had that in the senate.
God that makes me think of that Fielding monstrosity again! if baby Jesus does come back you and your ilk will be first against the wall. Wanker.

What do bogans do for hyperbolae?
when everything is already maxtreme, awesome, epic, final, sexiest, event, EVER?
how does a bogan let you know that something is, actually, really tops?

22 08 2010
martin

I agree I think a hung parliament would be good. Better to do nothing than to do f#cked things. There should be a “we will do nothing” party.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

AEC website puts labour just in front with 78% counted.

22 08 2010
Shirley M

I predict that whoever wins the seat of Brisbane will form government.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

It’s Bush Bingo next Thursday at the Cooktown Bowlo.
we’ll do some vox pop straw polling there and calculate an outcome based on that.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
Good thing to come from the crap is Stieve Fielding has goooooone ! Yae.
5.5% Informal votes !! Disgraceful; , though expected, in a country like this. those that did not vote will surely get the govmint they deserve. Bloody bogans caused this.
Whyatt Roy was late for the TV interview ’cause he had to do his homework first !
With any luck Foney Rabbit will have a heart attack caused by steroid abuse.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

22 08 2010
Will S

Fielding is gone, but the word is that the Democratic Labor Party have won a seat instead, which makes it a like-for-like swap unfortunately.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

WillS,The DLP ? Oh my I did not even know they still existed. They were always right wing catholic nazis. worse even then the foney rabbit. I cannot immagine anyone voting for them . Wierd.

22 08 2010
pb

there always has to be one nutbar, doesn’t there. i wish it were at least a fun nutbar.

22 08 2010
bec

Just an observation, but this election has made for a far more pleasant facebook environment. There is hearty debate between lib, labor and greens supporters, but even the hardcore bogans on my friendslist are on their very best behaviour. I think everyone is just over this ridiculous sham of an election.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

as predicted earlier, bogans have gone silent because they haven’t got a clue what is going on.
“functional political illiterates”
what seats? what house?

22 08 2010
James Hunter

Chubby, They are not even decent seats . just padded bench seats like you found in a railway waiting room in the “old days”

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

good point.
there must be some ergonomic issue there.
Someone should form a committee to procure recliners for both chambers.

22 08 2010
Tombarina

Just returned from a run past Chez Rudd, and can provide eyewitness testimony that he’s wearing a $hit-eating grin. They’re currently having quite the little celebratory barbie….

22 08 2010
PD

I think some of you on here are a little mixed up. Many of you are taking the p*ss out of the Liberals, yet in Victoria, the the biggest bogan areas are all Labor heartlands. The safe Liberal seats are all in the “good” suburbs.

22 08 2010
Shirley M

You don’t have to vote labor to take the piss out of the liberals.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
9,8,10,9,10.
One doesn’t even have to live in a “good” suburb !
Probably one need not have gone to a private school.
ha de f#@$^%g ha.

22 08 2010
brad

They all vote Greens PD-anything else is bogan apparantly,im still in the dark though for what it is exactly the Greens stand for.

22 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

The green light is shining most brightly (with LEDs and on renewable energy at that).

You just need to take the blindfold off and then open your eyes, plain as day.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

I would be chuffed if Bob Brown were our national leader, he’d be pretty cool on the international stage.

22 08 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
Very unflapable is bob, you never find him eating sushi rolls off a dead hooker and esp not in tasmania. !

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

I think the goldy is about the last place you can even find a decent sushi roll these days…

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

au contraire sir,
you have failed to understand by the term bogan
https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/about/
and revealed yourself as one.

22 08 2010
pb

ah, the ‘good’ suburbs. nothing else needs to be said about you, really.

23 08 2010
vivisection

That all depends on how you define “good suburbs” and “bogan” really. I would call Prahran / Toorak the heartland of the cashed up bogan and they are traditionally Liberal held seats. Whereas Bruswick, Northcote and the inner north have a lot of nuff nuffs and old school bogans – and they are traditionally Labor – but a lot more interesting to live in. Point to note – there aint no Ed Hardy store in the inner north – but a big one on Chapel Street.

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

*what is implied by…

22 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

TBL
will Bogan Bribe Watch continue until there is a clear result?
or
will it become Cross Seat Bribe Watch?
or something?
Stable Gov’ment Bribe Watch

23 08 2010
Will S

I can’t remember which commentator it was, but they said on the news that a minority government would be like a “permanent election”, both parties campaigning for the next election for the whole 3 years.

23 08 2010
pb

bob katter watch?

23 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

A. Bolt declares it will be a bad govt either way.
accidentally saw him on nine’s brekky show.
can’t make twitter work how I want.
can’t wireless network my mobile to my cute new netbook.
And edna can’t find her coffee mug.
dark days my friends.

23 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

apparently we now have a constitutional crisis…
channel nine says Quentin Bryce is apt to just hand Govt. to her son in law.
Coming up… Top Aussie designer features plus size models on the catwalk…
but now here’s stevie with the weather.
(surely we’re doomed – I missed the “breakfast tv” post)
live from the snowfields with chicks on snowboards.
And here’s Lisa in the studio with dating tips from the 1930’s by an ettiquette expert. (live transcript)
The Bogan thinks ettiquette is something to do with horses.

23 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

ok
if I tweet the horses thing as
#thingsbogansthink
that would be huge right?

twitter baffles me
and I can’t work out podcasts either.

23 08 2010
Shirley M

No sure about huge, but certainly apt.

Twitter takes a bit of adjusting to, but it’s like riding a bike, blah blah blah.

24 08 2010
Cuppa

Bogans like being told the Liberals have killed, buried and cremated WorkChoices. What’s more, some of them actually believe it!

3 04 2013
Sml

You nailed it.

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