When it was announced that AFFPM (aka the Powerfox) was not going toe-to-toe with Mr Rabbit in a town-hall setting in front of 200 undecided decided voters in Rooty Hill, the bogan promptly forgot everything it heard prior to ‘Rooty Hill’. Then paused. Then giggled involuntarily.
More specifically, the Rooty Hill RSL was the venue for this epic non-encounter between our putative and prospective leaders. This meek little cul-de-sac stood as a testament to the crippling land shortages faced by bogans across Sydney’s west, while presumptuous and uppity illegal boat people swamp their native territory; clogging up roads, taking jobs and occupying what precious little land is available about 380kms outside of the CBD of our largest city.
This modest testament to the bogan’s legitimate desire to congregate has 40,000 members, a gym, a power station, a 4-star hotel, an AMF Bowling and M9 Laser Skirmish centre, two restaurants, two cafes, a sports bar, a youth club, child minding and a function centre. And 800 pokie machines. Oh, and it is agitating to have its own post code. Rooty Hill bogans, it seems, are a special kind of bogan; the inherent sense of entitlement extends to demanding a means of sending mail to a place where nobody actually lives.
Bogans outside of Rooty Hill, however, simply cannot move beyond two facts. One, that there is a place called Rooty Hill, and two, that Kevin Rudd, the leader they couldn’t stand only two months earlier, was ‘knifed’ by their new leader, AFFPM. At Rooty Hill, St Kevin was consistently referred to in the reverential whisper of the martyred leader, as bogans took umbrage, still, that the leader that they did not directly elect was deposed for another leader whom they did not directly elect. Kind of like when Anthony Callea (not gay at the time) was usurped from his rightful ‘The Prayer’-driven place as the bogan’s Idol™ by that fat chick.
Then, as a delightful postscript, Mark Latham reared his fat head. On behalf of the bogan, Latham’s peculiar passive/aggressive form of aggression was on display for all to see. Little did Tony Abbott realise that had he called on his pugilistic past and just decked the prick, he was careering towards a bogan-inspired election victory.
Both parties, in this midst of all of this bogan politics, also finally decided to start bribing bogans. Foremost among these was the Powerfox’s wonderfully targeted bogan bribe, offering to effectively fund the construction of a rail link between Parramatta and a place that the bogan didn’t want to go to that badly. The bogan was outraged, as this was clearly money that would be better spent on baby bonuses and freeways.
ALP Score: 4 Rooties out of 10. (Rooty)
PS – check out Channel 9’s promo for Underbelly 4 election night coverage.