Who’s running the asylum?
The bogan loves a workplace prank, particularly when it’s perpetrated against a new employee who lacks the clout to provide the bogan with an adequate dosage of its own medicine. If the prank turns out to be poorly conceived or injurious, the bogan will tremulously yowl that its brilliant sense of humour was misinterpreted, and that the bogan itself is the true victim. This has proven to be a surprisingly effective method of simultaneously bullying and blame-shifting, and one that Xanana Gusmao has been on the receiving end of this week.
On behalf of the bogan, Julia Gillard has attempted to outflank Tony Abbott, man of ACTION, by picking on the undersized eight year old kid who lives over the back fence. Little Timor isn’t much good at English, he doesn’t have many tough mates, is flat broke, and is hence seen by the bogan as the ideal dumping ground for problems that the bogan wishes it didn’t have. After numerous seconds of contemplation, it would seem that Gillard has concluded that trampling the sovereignty of weaker nations is an acceptable byproduct of soothing the bogan on the matter of immigration. With recent GPS measurements indicating that Australia’s tectonic plate is moving north at 67mm per year, the spatially intuitive bogan is becoming particularly anxious. Things that the bogan does not want in its backyard are switching from NIMBY to IMBY, and Australia’s failure to halt this lithospheric trend is believed to have cost former Defence Minister John Faulkner his job in early July.
While Gillard’s vow to “relentlessly” pursue the creation of a regional refugee processing centre has been carried abundantly in the media in order to soothe the bogan, neither East Timor’s President nor Prime Minister have committed themselves to the idea, with the Timorese Deputy PM declaring Gillard’s unilateral whiplomacy to be “very unlikely” to ever happen. With Tony Abbott presently stripping down to his Speedos, Labor knows it has mere days to concoct a refugee policy with as much maxtremity at Abbott’s plan to swim out to Ashmore Reef and revive the amateur boxing career of his youth. Circling news helicopters will deliver the bogan real time HD footage of the Opposition Leader surging out of the waves to administer an old fashioned ACTION beating to those who neither grew here NOR flew here.
Prime Minister Gillard has declared that Australia is “better than” the hotly contested race to the bottom that the bogan is currently commissioning on asylum seeker policy. However, her proposal to revive many of the structural elements of the Howard Government’s earlier efforts on the issue is an admission that she does not think she can induce the bogan to be better than much at all. There’s an election to win.