#152 – Nutri Grain

28 06 2010

The bogan is thought to derive 72% of its night time xtreme energy requirements from massive cans. The remaining 28% is attributable to last year’s designer drug, pre-mixed drinks, and an as-yet unexplained consequence of the Lynx effect. But what about during the day? Sure, there’s Boost Juice, but that’s all the way down at the megamall. The bogan craves something hardcore to fill the corroded divots in its stomach lining caused by its diet; a way to rebuild itself more awesomely than ever.

Much to the bogan’s relief, there exists a breakfast cereal made out of little bricks. Something so xtreme that it can turn a bogan from a leech on society, into former iron man Guy Leech. On the sporadic occasions that the bogan male will eat breakfast, it’s almost certain to be Nutri Grain. This so called “iron man food” excites the bogan immensely, as its favourite movie of 2010 is Iron Man 2, a movie that offers the familiarity of a comic-derived sequel, sick special fX, and Scarlett Johansson’s train derailing curves clad in a skin tight action suit. Yes, a breakfast that will turn the bogan into Iron Man 2 is just what the bogan wants. The bogan pauses to contemplate who has replaced Guy Leech for the sequel, but quickly shrugs and gets down to eating its mega manly Nutri Grain.

At the other end of the cereal market segmentation scale lies Special K. The male bogan knows that this is the most pissweak way in history to fill a breakfast bowl, and is likely to cause instant ovulation even to an alpha male like the Nutri Grain devourer. Nutri Grain is packed to the max with protein, carbs, and energy, making it trillions of times better than even the next best cereal. Do not tell a Nutri Grainer that the girl food contains 98% as much energy, 90% as much protein, and 2% MORE carbohydrates, because it will trigger an identity crisis that will eventually place great strain on the public health system. On the same note, do not inform a dieting female bogan who pecks away on Special K that it’s pretty likely to turn her into Iron Man 2.

Just leave them be.


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406 responses

28 06 2010
Shirley M

‘Just leave them be’.

Very sound advice. Thanks boys.

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain.

CORN! (CLINK!)
OATS! (CLINK!)
WHEAT! (CLINK!)
SUGAR!!!! (BOOM!!!)

…And not necessarily in that order, either.

28 06 2010
Brimstone

i love Iron Man and thought Iron Man 2 was enjoyable but no mention of the all AC/DC soundtrack album? the last person to pull that off was Stephen King’s directorial flop ‘Maximum Overdrive’

28 06 2010
martin

Yeah. Iron Man was by far the best Marvel movie. Not bogan at all imo. Haven’t seen Iron Man 2.

28 06 2010
Brimstone

i’m partial to Spider-Man but i’m a fan of the character

Iron Man 2 drags a bunch and is mostly about setting up the Avengers movie but it’s pretty fun

one of the digital channels was rerunning the Sopranos and they had the bit where Chris is bugging Jon Favreau and i’m like ‘i can’t believe this guy directed Iron Man’

28 06 2010
martin

I used to read comics and I read Thor, The Punisher, Captain America and The Avengers. I think Thor will be coming out in the not too distant future. Avengers should be great.

Yes. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800369/

Natalie Portman, yummy. Another jewess like Scarlett, don’t tell the bogan.

Anthony Hopkins too. Cool.

Same not a big fan of Spider Man, he’s a bit of a dork.

29 06 2010
Brimstone

“Same not a big fan of Spider Man, he’s a bit of a dork.”

THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT
he’s relatable

28 06 2010
Brimstone

this has been bugging me for awhile: Aussie breakfast cereals are sold on health and sport. it’s BORING. where are the lovable cartoon mascots? where are Snap Crackle and Pop? Count Chocula? Toucan Sam? Chips Ahoy? where are aisles filled with gleaming sugary marshmallow toy-filled treats?
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHILDHOOD?

28 06 2010
Shirley M

We like to at least pretend that our cereals are good for our children. Even coco pops.

28 06 2010
vivisection

even better for you when they are mixed with Copha aka lard and turned into Chocolate Crackles – I remember the sugar rushes like it was yesterday.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

My bambino and I made chocolate crackles recently. They’re still good. Very good.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

I bought some recently at a street stall (something you don’t see very often any more!) run by a local church ladies’ guild.

They were BRILLIANT.

28 06 2010
28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

I was not a huge fan of the chocolate crackle, unless used in a game of ‘Crackle Cricket’ – Required: 2 kids, 1 cricket bat, 1 very hungry dachshund, several chocolate crackles, place in a bedroom with the door shut so mum and dad can’t hear what’s going on.

Bowler bowls crackle at batsman. Batsman hits chocolate crackle. Crackle explodes into a million pieces. Bowler must retreive the largest piece of chocolate crackle before the hungry dachshund gets to it. Dachshund cleans up all small pieces of crackle. Repeat until parents come into room to ask what the brown marks on the walls are.

28 06 2010
pinkelstien

Sounds like everyday of the school holidays at Pinkelstien Manor. I’m so glad my kids aren’t old enough to read this and get some ideas from you Nelson! 😉

28 06 2010
YB

I think this would have to be the best game I’ve ever never played. Anyone got a sausage dog?

28 06 2010
Sten

I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. but Chocolate Crackles… great taste and that essential notstalgia hit all at once! Awesome!

29 06 2010
Brimstone

http://www.usafoods.com.au/c3/cereals/

you can get American cereals here

29 06 2010
Flyslip

Or you could just get a syringe, mix some milk and sugar (equal amounts, or maybe heavier on the sugar?) and mainline that… it’s quicker, and very definitely cheaper.

28 06 2010
martin

Because people like to think they’re some awesome healthy person. Because the fact that they’re usually just another banal, gormless bogan hurts too much. Because it has a semblance of realism that they *could* go down to the beach for a run everyday if they wanted to.

I hate it too. I hate the pretentiousness that surrounds cereal. I hate cereal.

28 06 2010
Brimstone

you only hate cereal because you don’t associate it with fun cartoon characters. every trip down the cereal aisle was a magical trip! and we had free toys

28 06 2010
martin

I think it’s the gross slurpy sounds people make when they eat it and the clanging of the spoon when they get near the end. It’s like cattle eating their cud. Gross.

I am not a ruminant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cud

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruminant

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Anyone else remember p$$take ad by The Goodies (I think it was on the Walk in the Black Forest/Radio Goodies episode) where each packet of plastic spacemen now comes with a ‘free cornflake’?

28 06 2010
Shirley M

I do! I do!

28 06 2010
pinkelstien

Me too! Loved The Goodies!

28 06 2010
Death Squad

Oh yeah, that brings back merories.

28 06 2010
brad

“Radio Goodies…..yum”

28 06 2010
djm

ahh, Sam Toucan. I remember those ads, nestled between Franco Cozzo (in Italian), Saba and/or (remember) Eric Planinsek.

28 06 2010
Brimstone

not Sam Toucan
Toucan Sam

the difference in cereal culture confuses and scares me

29 06 2010
Andrea

2… 230… 230 Brunswick Street… 230 Brunswick Street FITZ-roy.

Remember…remember Erik… Remember Erik Planinsek’s… winter sale.

I hate that I can remember every television commercial from my childhood. I don’t even watch tv now (why bother when you can download everything – how good was the last episode of Doctor Who, btw?).

29 06 2010
Brimstone

The Lodger or the final?
the Lodger was lame?
i haven’t seen the last two episodes yet

29 06 2010
vivisection

the last two episodes were good – this series was a bit hit and miss in my opinion,but I thought the ending was good.

29 06 2010
pinkelstien

cracks me up Andrea…and the Franco Cotso (?sp) ad. HAHAHA memories!!!

1 07 2010
Flyslip

Franco Cozzo, in Northa Melbourne anda Footiscray.

(And later, Brunsawick.)

Yup, every Melburnian past and present, over a certain age, remembers those ads… 🙂

28 06 2010
Glass 'em all

Actually it contains about 45% sugar. Or higher.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Yes, but the marketing types don’t call it sugar, they call it carbohydrate…

The bogue can then tell his mates that he has been ‘carbing up’ like Danny Green does before a big fight!

28 06 2010
Kate

Don’t forget the salt. Let us not forget the salt content.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Does the bogan know that “carbing up” must to be followed by “working out”?

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Working out to them means glassin’ c#nts. Need a shedload of energy to do that!

28 06 2010
Sten

I thought Bogues hated carbs? My god, they confuse me so.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Boguettes hate carbs. Bogues need them to get huge.

28 06 2010
Sten

Oh… thanks for the clarification, Simon.

28 06 2010
Mitch-Jay

Exceptions of course for those that are currently partaking in a copiously high protein diet, stuffing themselves with bacon and eggs of a morning, steak for lunch, and even more steak for dinner. Don’t forget the extreme protein shakes, and “bulking” creatine powder.

God I feel sorry for their digestive system.

28 06 2010
Fiona From Tourak

LOL! I’m FIONA! LOL LOL LOL!!!!

28 06 2010
Will S

Fiona’s in a jovial mood today…

28 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. That’s not me. Just some lesser person troll.

28 06 2010
Antosha

Immitation is the sincerest form of flattery Fi.

28 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. A point I have had many an occasion to make. 🙂

29 06 2010
TheMon

Ha ha haaaa!

28 06 2010
miss dahl

That’s interesting, because the bogans I knew never ate breakfast at home, they collected McDonalds on their way to the workplace and consumed it there. One could always smell the presence of a bogan in the midst.

28 06 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I want my King Billy Weeties toys.

and how many weetbix does brett lee eat to turn himself in to a knob?

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

…when everyone knows real men eat coffee and cigarettes for breakfast.
Nutri Grain is for children.
like soccer.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

… and French women who don’t get fat have coffee and cigarettes for breakfast!

28 06 2010
pinkelstien

@ Miss Dahl

Coffee and Ciggy for me usually.

Miss Pinky made me pancakes this morning…I had to eat them…AHHHH 😉

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Did you get pan-fried butter maple bananas with the pancakes, topped with a generous dollop of ricotta cream and dusted with nutmeg? If so, why were we not invited?

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Miss Dahl

You guys are all welcome!! I’ll get miss pinky cooking. I have organic tea and coffee and I’ll grab some coke for sten.

See you guys soon?? 😉

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,,
Easiest scon recipie ever,
two cups self raising flour
1 level teaspoon salt
1 level table spoon castor sugar or icing sugar
1/2 level teaspoon baking powder ( still goes ok with out)
175 ml cream (thichened ok but better if not)
120 ml milk
combine dry ingreediants, add cream and milk mix Briefly with spoon
turn onto floured board
dust with flour
use knuckles to push out to about20 mm thick
dust with flour turn onto floured baking tray
use pizza cutter to cut into approx 50 /60 mm squares
bake in hot pre heated oven for about 15 min
saves all that rubbing flour and butter together , so its real fast.
adjust salt and sugar to suit personal taste
add mixed fruit or nuts or dates or grated parmesan or herbs , whatever to suit if you want straight after the wewt ingrediants go in,
Minum amount of stiring though dont kill it with the spoon.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Will get miss pinky and mr pinky to make them. They do the baking I do the eating 🙂

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

This is one part of me that isn’t Continental: I do have a sizeable breakfast. Can’t function without it.

This usually means a bowl of oats, two small slices of wholemeal toast (usually with real butter & Vegemite), a small bowl of plain yoghourt and a whole piece of fruit, chased down with either a cup of tea or an espresso. Yeast extract notwithstanding, everything is organic.

And no cigarettes or billies either: could never get into those things at sparrows fart.

28 06 2010
Pandabater

I remember a jockey saying normally he had a cigarette & a coffee but if he was dieting he had a cigarette & a walk around.

28 06 2010
Sten

Ciggie for me, usually accompanied by Coke… I just never got into the whole hot drinks thing.

28 06 2010
Antosha

Kasha and a yoghurt for me.

Cup of tea upon arrival at the Gulag.

28 06 2010
Sten

I thought Russia did away with the Gulag system in 1990?

Oh, wait… in Capitalist economics, the camps are hidden right under our noses. 😉

28 06 2010
Antosha

Indeed Sten.

Nowadays the Gulag is called “My Desk”

28 06 2010
Sten

Been there, done that, Antosha.

29 06 2010
TheMon

Coke for breakfast?? Bleeeeuuuuugh!

29 06 2010
Sten

It’s the breakfast of champions, TheMon.

30 06 2010
BlindSquirrel

Would it be a Winnie Blue?

28 06 2010
T-Mac

When I saw the title, I thought TBL had officially run out of ideas, but the article was surprisingly spot on.

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Using a “sports immage” to sell sugar seems immoral’ About as much sense as Maccas using “Family Meal” concept to sell sugar and fat.
How about a new cereal made from Saw dust and ,you guessed it , sugar.
If we had any sort of accountability or honesty in advertising these cereals would all be banned.
Bring on the revolution

28 06 2010
John

A bit like Libby Trickett selling KFC.

“I sold my soul and credibility for 2 buckets of deep fried chicken”

I honestly had respect for this woman prior to the KFC ad.’

How can any athlete sell junk food?

28 06 2010
Shirley M

$$$$

28 06 2010
Antosha

You mean, how can any Non-Cricketer athlete sell junk food?

KFC – the bane of cricket coverage.

28 06 2010
Sten

Can’t remember whre I saw this gleaming nugget of acute wisdom, but:

“Going to Maccas for a salad is like going to a crack-house for vitamins.”

29 06 2010
darius

…Or going to a brothel for a hug.

28 06 2010
Gorey

The article is always spot on. Just like little cricket bats, with holes.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Nutri-Grain was refered to as ‘Cricket Bats’ in our house when Tony Greig used to advertise it. When the advertising changed to ‘Iron Man’ food with Grant Kenny, Guy Leech et al, they were then referred to as ‘Surf Boards’.

My brother loved the stuff, whilst I hated it; more of a Cornflakes or toast with vegemite kid myself.

28 06 2010
Glass 'em all

I was a Cornflakes kid way back… the family doctor told my mother there would be more nutritional value in eating the box they came in.

28 06 2010
Sten

Yeah, and the taste is somewhat similar.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

What about Weet-Bix?

It’s such as maXXXtremely sporty cereal that you don’t ‘eat’ them – you ‘do’ them. As in: “How many do YOU do?”

And let’s not forget the “fully sick” Uncle Toby’s product endorsed by Thorpie. Although it’s fair to say that his stocks – and the associated “full sickness” of the cereal – dipped substantially after he got fat, started wearing pearls and turning up at Fashion Week events. Bogues would have abandoned the cereal in droves…..

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Bogues don’t know what to think about Thorpie. They love him because he was a champion and that by winning a maxxxtreme amount of gold medals for Australia. Yet are very cautious about him because they’re not sure about Thorpies sexuality.

While the bogue would say that Thorpie is ‘a closet poofta, who should just be honest with everyone and come out, for f*ck sake!’ , would the bogue be ready for the truth? If Thorpie did come out, the bogue’s head would be in a spin, since he did the most un-manly thing by unwittingly cheering for a poofta. Thorpie would definitely lose credibility with bogans and would never be taken seriously by them again when endorsing the next ‘phat’ product chasing the bogan dollar.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Nelson, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The bogue is most CERTAINLY not ready.

It still hasn’t fully recovered from the Ian Roberts debacle, when one of the hardest b@st@rds ever to play league slipped right under the bogue’s ever-twitching gaydar and turned out to be a massive fairy.

The Thorpedo had a reassuringly maXXXtreme nickname and was an ace athlete.

Clearly, these are traits inconsistent with p00ftas, who everyone knows are poodle-fancying hairdressers named Sebastian with an unmanly love of scarves and – most critically – zero sporting ability. To challenge such a true, real, fact TWICE in one generation is beyond the bogue’s comprehension.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Just quietly, I have it on good authority that Thorpie is indeed gay. Or at least one of those 6 schooner types Viv told us all about.

28 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

I don’t know what it’s like to eat, but it makes a passable fire starter.

28 06 2010
Will S

Am I immature for laughing out loud at this?

29 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

It works with those ‘cheese-coated’ popped snacks too: Cheezels, twisties, burger rings etc.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

@Tomba – that’s just an example of marketing gone wrong. I mean, do real men wear pearls?

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Tombvarina,
Im not sure that I know any, but I will now keep a look out.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Agree miss dahl, the pearl thing was marketing gone wrong…unless the ad was aimed at the ‘Pink Market’, to use some advertising parlance!

If the homosexual market is referred to as the Pink Market, what is the marketing term used for the bogan market? Anyone care to suggest?

28 06 2010
vivisection

Brown Market ?

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

@tomba
Goodies Plastic Spacemen.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Nom, nom—OWWW! I think that I’ve lost a tooth filling…

28 06 2010
vivisection

Who else can remember the delicious 70’s/80’s Nutri Gain Recipe for Nuts’N’Bolts – that’s right, it’s simple, just mix the following ingredients in a bowl and serve:

Nutri Grain,
Peanuts,
Keens Curry Powder

Oh delicious, classy horse douvers for all!!

mmmmm Oishii!!

28 06 2010
Shirley M

OMG I had completely forgotten about those! They were effing disgusting.

28 06 2010
vivisection

I love bad cooking! I collect old recipe books filled with crap like this – sometimes I make them… My favourite is Crown Roast of Weiners. So simple, just string together ten Weiner Hotdogs, Stand upright ( just like a crown roast!), Fill with Rice a Riso and my favourite, tinned Pineapple Chunks. Pop in the oven and bake. mmmmm

I made this for a friends birthday party once (with a pineapple princess side), and by the end of the night it was all eaten. I was horrified.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

How about the ultimate 70s hor dourve – cold mashed potato rolled up in a slice of devon and secured with a toothpick? My mum wanted to add this delicacy to the fare we served at my son’s naming ceremony. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

28 06 2010
vivisection

ooo pigs in blankets!! Yaay. Don’t forget the Devils on on Horseback to go with them – prunes wrapped in bacon. eeek

28 06 2010
Shirley M

I knew they had a name but couldn’t remember what it was. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had a Devil on Horseback but I remember enjoying them. Isn’t there an Angel on Horseback as well? Oysters (smoked out of the tin, of course) comes to mind.

28 06 2010
vivisection

and don’t forget oyster dip, made from tinned oysters and philly cheese. Mm Mm! I do love corn relish dip which is a classic from back in the day.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Mmmm, dips from the ’70’s!! My mum used to make a French Onion dip from sour cream and a packet of dehydrated Continental French Onion Soup. We LOVED the stuff!

Mum would often serve it to dinner guests with chips or crackers as a pre-dinner nibble. We were never allowed to stay up and have some, as we were made to politely say hello to the arriving guests before being sent off to bed. In the morning, my brother and I would fight over the remaining stale chips to dunk into the left over dip. We would then go on to drink the dregs from the wine glasses and polish off a Red Tulip After Dinner Mint or three…leaving the paper sleeve in the box in an attempt to hide our theivery. If we were feeling extra naughty, we’d light up a cigarette. We didn’t like Dad’s ciggies, so it was usually one of Mum’s menthols. The shit you do when you’re young…

28 06 2010
vivisection

The other Continental French Onion Dip Nightmare is to bung it into the casserole dish with tinned apricot juice and chicken. And for the daring, add some dried apricots to the mix. I still come across people who make this muck today..

28 06 2010
Simon of South Yarra

Not juice, it was Apricot NECTAR (far classier than plain juice!)

28 06 2010
Antosha

Fantastic ! My Mum’s apricot chicken recipe!

It was a once per week staple at the old Antosha homestead during my childhood!

aaah… the memories..

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Ha! I make corn relish dip all the time. I think it’s awesome.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Viv, you’ve just triggered a repressed memory of something I spied at a buffet when I was but a wee slip of a lass. Even at the age of about 4, I recognised culinary evil when I saw it:

http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards/spectacular.html

This is the actual recipe card, along with a huge stack of other 1970s delicacies like caucasian shashlik, chilled celery log and (WFT?!) snacks on a stick. I remember an aunt had these index cards in a blue box. Again, I knew they were very, very wrong.

Recipes may have in fact been created by our special chum Peter, as both mackerel (fluffy mackerel pudding, snappy mackerel casserole and macherelly) and cabbage feature heavily.

28 06 2010
vivisection

I’m going on the Weightwatchers Mackeral Puding Plan pronto!

28 06 2010
vivisection

No, Mackereally, I am !

28 06 2010
Tombarina

That’s macktastic! You’ll be looking unMackreal for summer.

In all seriousity, didn’t some of those pictures make you want to upchuck? I was about to eat lunch, but Fluffy Mackerel Pudding – three words I never dreamed of seeing used conjunctively – has put me off. So it macreally does work as a diet….

28 06 2010
vivisection

If you go back another 20-30 years to the 40’s and 50’s the recipes are even more vile – there was the whole era of putting things in Jelly Aspic – whole salmon, tongue, meat and fruits together in jelly etc. During the war, the recipe books are disturbingly offal related – whole sheep head soup comes to mind as a really rank one.

The oldest recipes I have are from the 1850’s, they are included in a handwritten pharmacists’ cookbook I have- the book has everything that a pharmacist prepared from making fireworks, popular perfumes of the day, drugs to cure everything, procure abortions, preserve cadavers, old sweets and lozenges and even a christmas cake. I am thinking of making the Christmas cake this year – will be interesting and hopefully not an offensive waste of time!

28 06 2010
SD

Sounds like a Heston B episode.

The worst I ever read was a medieval recipe book from England that basically flung a live goose into a boiling pot-after cutting it up and torturing it in many ways to “enhance” taste. Not good.

28 06 2010
martin

I remember when I was a kid you used to be able to get tripe (sheep’s stomach) at coles.

My mum sometimes used to make us steak and kidney because my dad liked it. Eating the kidney bits was pretty traumatising.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Ahhhh jelly. My great grandmother did all sorts of crazy shit with jelly. She made mint pea jelly to have with roasts (which was awful), but her jelly desserts were amazing. She could make spotty jelly, which was perfectly polka-dotted, but the piece de resistance was fried egg pudding. This was half a peach or apricot (on special occasions these would be fresh and not out of the tin) with white jelly around it. Brilliant.

28 06 2010
Antosha

The Ruskies still do some pretty ghastly stuff with jelly.

They do this cold “Jellied Meat” thing… I had half a teaspoon once to try it.

That was more than enough.

Can’t complain about the borsh and shashlik though.. fantastic.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

I have NEVER heard of those.

And now I have. And I can’t go back to a happier, simple time of ignorance.

Aaaahhhh, the 70s – the decade that taste, quite literally, forgot.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

For the culinary horrors of the 1970’s, I blame the ‘celebrity chef’ of the day, Bernard King!!

28 06 2010
vivisection

I met him once and made him sign 4 cookbooks from 1972 – there was a Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter book, My friend and I were in Safari Suits when we saw him, so we bailed him up and made him sign the books. He had no clue what was happening but he loved it. All of the ditzy queens with him were totally shocked. I must say he was gracious about the accosting.

28 06 2010
pinkelstien

My mum had those… Oh the horror!!

28 06 2010
Brimstone

do you have Rice Krispies Treats here? Rice Krispies + marshmellows. tasty!

28 06 2010
vivisection

Never heard of these, its that American obsession with marshmallows isn’t it? BTW, What exactly is an Ambrosia Salad? Is tinned fruit with marshmallows or something like that? food of the gods..

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Ambrosia salad is YUM! It’s tinned pineapple, marshmallows, dessicated coconut and sour cream. My mummy makes it for me when I go to visit, but she’s silly and calls it ‘Frangipani’.

28 06 2010
vivisection

No doubt with the sugar content it is quite good, but it sounds horrendous when you see the ingredients listed like that! My mother does some bizarre concoction of condensed milk and tinned fruit and coconut. Also sounds nasty but tastes alright.

When growing up my mother would regularly boil tins of condensed milk for 6 hours until it was dark brown caramel. Then we would each have a tin in the fridge with our names written on them in texta. We would eat it straight out of the tin because the lazy b!tch couldn’t be arsed making a pastry shell! Healthy choices. Its a bloody wonder I don’t have housing commission teeth.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Ha! Dad used to cook us tins of condensed milk on the bbq.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I make my mayonnaise out of sweetened condensed milk. Is that wrong?

28 06 2010
vivisection

depends, does it taste good?

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yup and its easy. Milk, egg, vinegar, mustard powder and pepper, mix, leave in fridge to mature, lovely.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Simon! That is my mother’s signature mayonnaise recipe! Except there’s no egg in hers. I make it to dress the very 70’s rice salad that I make sometimes.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I got it from my mum. Keeps for ever and no stuffing about.

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

That’s what my Nanna makes, sans egg. I call it nannanaise. I actually don’t mind it, but that’s coming from someone who would scoop up copious tablespoons of that viscous condensed milk…mm-mmm! Also from my Nanna’s larder, I’d somehow acquired a taste for crystallised ginger, as well as dry ginger ale in the fridge.

And that was still a young lad in single-digits. Kids don’t generally eat ginger! I’ve always seemed to be drawn to the spicy, piquant flavour, regardless of its permutation.

29 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

And ETA do a very very good version among their dressings range in supermarkets. Tastes just like the old stuff.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Condensed milk is the basis for drover’s mayo (with salt, pepper, mustard or curry powder and vinegar)

Also jackeroo’s seafood sauce (S&P, tomato sauce, chilli powder) and ringer’s tartare (S&P, vinegar or lemon juice, onion, dried parsley flakes).

The key is they’re all ingredients which don’t need refrigeration.

28 06 2010
vivisection

Its a wonder they didn’t blow up on the bbq. I remember that if the water boiled dry, which happened on occasions because the said lazy mother wouldn’t keep a closer eye on them, they would blow up and caramel would be blown all over the kitchen roof and walls.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

That’s why dad did it outside.

28 06 2010
Snag

At least you (or your parents) went to the effort of cooking the condensed milk. On numerous occasions at my friend’s place as a kid did we eat condensed milk straight from either the tin, or a tube sometimes, when we couldn’t be bothered making anything decent.

28 06 2010
vivisection

My younger sister used to do that eat it straight out of the tube – she would also make condensed milk and vegemite mini pizzas. Sickening. I always thought it was a cry for help

28 06 2010
Glass 'em all

There’d certainly be a cry for help after eating it. Or for a stomach pump.

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

So did I, Snag. In fact, every now-and-then (once every tone or two years), I’ll purchase an entire can, for the express purpose of suckin’ down a few spoons of it, as a very guilty pleasure. Sure, it’s the express train to diabetesville, but think of the calcium, heheh!

My stepdad also partakes in using another dense milk product from the Nestlé evil empire: topping his coffee with evaporated milk. Does add a tantalisingly rich flavour, but is full of thickeners like carrageenan gum.

30 06 2010
Jay

There also used to be (maybe still is?) something called “Coffee N Milk” in a tube that my brother and I would squeeze down our throats as children. It was basically condensed milk with coffee flavouring and my mother would have killed us if she had known what we were up to. And that also reminds me of a fake coffee drink that Mum and my Grandmother were fond of… a liquid chicory essence that when mixed with hot water and milk, was supposed to resemble coffee. It really didn’t.

30 06 2010
Shirley M

Ecco.

30 06 2010
James Hunter

Do you also remember the old Bushells Coffee and Chichory Essence ?

28 06 2010
Brimstone

no idea what ambrosia salad is but Rice Krispies Treats are delicious! you mix Rice Krispies with marshmallows and make them into squares, then bake them

you can even buy them pre-made

28 06 2010
urbanreverie

Don’t forget the sultanas in the Nuts’n’Bolts, Viv. You had to have the sultanas.

28 06 2010
Sten

Oishii, Viv? Hardly that. That’s an abuse of curry powder.

What’s a Bogue doing with anything curry-related in it’s pantry anyway?

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

@viv
omg I remember being subjected to that!
right up there with Kai Si Min. my mother’s idea of asian food.
Still.

28 06 2010
vivisection

In the 70’s my mother used to make “Curry Chicken” – coming from bogansville, we kids assumed that Indian food was what Native American Indians ate. The Curry Chicken, was a brand called Vespa Pack – it was dehydrated powder, with dehydrated vegies (peas) that you added a cup of water water and a BBQ chicken to! We couldnt get enough of it. I still take the piss out of my mother over that delicacy.

28 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. I have a cooked breakfast of course. Chef would simply DIE if I suggested cereal, out of a box no less!

28 06 2010
vivisection

Fi, I imagined you having a more European breakfast – slices of cold meats, muesli with yoghurt, juice etc

28 06 2010
miss dahl

May I be allowed to improve on corn flakes here: take 2 big Mars Bars and a tablespoon of butter, melt in a pan. Add enough cornflakes into this mixture and stir till it resembles chocolate crackles. Spoon into paper pattie pans and refrigerate. Eat and swoon!

28 06 2010
vivisection

Keep eating and collapse to the ground and require defribillation!!

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Sounds great! Now that is something I would not play crackle cricket with!

28 06 2010
Brimstone

or you can just buy Frosted Flakes

endorsed by Tony the Tiger

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I remember about nearly 20 years ago, around the time I started working in retail while finishing high school, on the back of one of the Kellogg’s boxes I was shelving displayed an image with all of their cartoony mascots standing in a line, looking most displeased.

The reason for their surliness was the accusation that those “cereals” they were spokesmodels for (spokesmodel, don’t you just love that term?) were full of nasties.

In a nascent act of spin-doctoring to dual target audiences, they appealed that those “cereals” were in fact a source of many nutrients. That may have been correct, strictly speaking. But that doesn’t exonerate them from the inalienable fact that they were, and still are, laden with sugar and sodium. Part of a balanced diet, they’d plead. Maybe without all the other crapulence that’ll pass through the mouths of many Strayan kiddies during the course of their day.

28 06 2010
Sten

That’s it… am making these tomorrow, since I have f*ck-all else to do at the moment.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

You’ll see, they are really good.

28 06 2010
Sten

My mouth is already watering in anticipation.

28 06 2010
devil's advocate

vivisection (12:03:09) said: Fi, I imagined you having a more European breakfast – slices of cold meats, muesli with yoghurt, juice etc

No, a daily cooked breakfast high in saturated fats and cholesterol fits the profile more precisely – see the previous discussion of fiona’s gunt.

28 06 2010
pinkelstien

TBL

You have bought back many memories for me with this one. My lovely mother was an absolute Nazi about what I ate as a child. I would have given my right arm for Nutri-grain. Alas I wasn’t allowed, fruit, toast, juice (not out of a bottle) and eggs was what I was allowed to have.

@ Brimstone

An American friend of my sent me a box of “Lucky Charms” to try. I had one mouthful and could feel the sugar dilate my pupils and my mind felt like it had been directly injected with speed. Think of that episode of The Simpson where Milhouse and Bart but the Squishy with 100% syrup.
Madness

28 06 2010
Brimstone

all our cereals are like that
except for a few semi-healthy ones, and Granola

but it’s so boring eating cereal without sugar and cartoon characters
part of if is because Australians are body-worshipping luddites

have you had the one that’s just chocolate chip cookies?

28 06 2010
Will S

All-Bran goes alright… tell me that’s not high in sugar too? :O

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Home made granola can be really good, just put in all the stuff you really like – raisins, chocolate chips, coconut …

28 06 2010
lol-plates

TBL got mentioned in an opinion piece about bogans in the SMH!

28 06 2010
SD

That be the one which cites someone as saying “”There’s no such thing as a bogan.” and concludes “there is a creeping persecution of this cultural sub-group in Australia”?

28 06 2010
Brimstone

yeah i scanned it for a TBL mention

28 06 2010
miss dahl

It’s also got a bunch of comments, I read those and had a chuckle or two. I read some people like to be really tolerant of people who are a “little less sophisticated”.

28 06 2010
28 06 2010
Tombarina

There are a couple of culinary elephants in the room we’re not acknowledging, and it’s time for us to man up.

I speak, of course, of cheese fondue. Of devilled eggs. Of seven-layer dip and of toothpicks laden with a cube of cheese, a slice of pepperoni and a pickled onion. And last, but by no means least, the 70s chef’s little green friend, the gherkin.

28 06 2010
vivisection

The toothpicks with cheese cubes, cocktail onions and kabana are called a Pineapple Princess when poked into a Pineapple with the occasional Hibiscus flower added! Oranges can also be used if pineapples are in short supply.

I have a fondue set from the 70’s that I made my mother buy me for my 21st Birthday in the 90’s – it is still in perfect nick – I use it about every 7 years …

And the gherkin. mm It does work a treat in home made tartare sauce… So may be next time you have a jellied salmon, keep some handy.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

But, I like this stuff …

28 06 2010
Shirley M

I’m a fan of the gherkin. I eat gherkin and cheese sandwiches. I think one of the reasons I like them is that no one else in my house does, so it’s one of the few things I will always be able to keep for myself.

28 06 2010
Snag

I had cheese and gherkin sandwiches the whole way through primary school and I won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole now.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Me too Snag. I however am still a fan.

28 06 2010
vivisection

They have to be dill pickles, not sweet pickles. Dill pickles are good.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

And only Polski Orgorki Dill Pickles

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Mix some of the Polski juice from the gherkins with a bit of mayonnaise and dip your french fries – ambrosial!

28 06 2010
Antosha

You’d be fine here Shirley. Gherkins are a staple food group.

28 06 2010
Sten

I’m a fan of fondue, indeed of anything allied to the Fromagier’s divine craft. So obsessed am I with cheese that I’m currently very interested in completing a cheese-making course… failing that, a cheese appreciation course would suit. Or preferably both.

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

As a lacto-ovo vegetarian, I utterly adore curdled milk products, from paneer to Parmigiano-Reggiano. I’d be lost without cheese.

And I do polski ogorki, with a bit of havarti, to nibble on.

28 06 2010
Sten

On the other hand, I am a carnivore who has had to reassign the humble spud to the Animal kingdom in order to sleep at night. 🙂

Still, a good cheese can tart-up the blandest of dishes. Being from Old Blighty, I hold the opinion that a good cheddar cannot be beaten, but will also happily shovel down brie, camembert or, come to think of it, nearly any cows-milk cheese.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Sten

Egg and bacon pie. My English grandma makes the best E &B pie. And pork pies. Yumm

I love cheese too. Do you not like goats cheese?

29 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

Who the hell calls it egg and bacon pie? The B *always* comes before the E.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

That what we always called it. :/

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
Im with you on this, Egg and bacon. I like a bit of nutmeg in the mix too.

29 06 2010
Sten

Never had it before, Pinky, but it sounds fantastic. As for goat’s cheese… hmm, I’ve never tried it before. 90% of the cheese I eat is Cheddar. Brie and the more common Italian cows-milk varieties make up the remaining 10%.

Oh, and pork pies rock! Pork is another one of those simple foods I cherish.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Sten and Pinkster,
If you like cheese sauce this is fsat simple and has great tang and texture

Take one carton of sour creameven “lite ” will do place in a microwave dish add about a full cup packed tight of reated tasty cheese of choice combine and blitz stir blitz and serv.
can add a bit of dijon mustard if you have time or a bit of black peper but hey its great straight up.

Too easy.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Sten

OMG I’ll ring English Grandma and get the recipe for you. Loads of cream, chedder, bacon and eggs. It’s so good. You can use a prefab shell but if your handy with making pastry it makes it SO much better.

I personally use prefab as my short crust tastes like dogs arse.

RE Goats Cheese
Go to a deli and ask them for Fetta. No fart arsing around with that low salt shit either. It is just so creamy and is so good in a vegi rissotto.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I got the recipe and it’s about 10 pages LOL

So I googled it and this pretty much matches…

**Drool**
http://allrecipes.com.au/recipe/5934/bacon-and-egg-pie.aspx

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinky,
Stephanie Alexander has a decent one too. and on the same page quiche lorraine which is pretty much the same but with less eggs and cream added.
It is a realy good Australian cook book if you need one I recommend it.

29 06 2010
Sten

Ah, thanks Pinky. When I shake this newly-minted cold and release myself from quarantine, I might give it a go (though I just bought a book on home cheesemaking and am chomping at the bit to get started!).

28 06 2010
Glass 'em all

Hey! I grew up on gherkins with coon on Jatz…

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

How about peanut butter and sultana sandwiches? And just remembered that in the book Casino Royale Bond orders Avocado and dressing in a flash french restaurant, this was the height of sophistication in the 60’s. Classy, noice.

28 06 2010
vivisection

I never tried peanut butter and sultanas – that’s crazy talk! I do remember at school, we used to buy packets of twisties at the tuckshop and pour worcestershire sauce over them. Who the f#ck started that? And why weren’t we stopped???

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Not sure about the sauce but twisties in a hollowed out roll was popular, always seemed a waste of good twisties to me.

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

All the recently-arrived Brits I knew back in my youth were right into chip butties (i.e. hot chips between two slices of bread or in a roll).

I’m ashamed to admit that I then thought they were kinda scrummy, certainly during winter, dressed either with gravy or mayonnaise. I don’t eat them now, though.

29 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

One of my favourite comfort foods is the South African ‘Cat’s Head’. Tear a small loaf of bread in half and scoop out the flesh. Fill the cavity with curry and some of the scopped out bread on top. Or fill with hot chips and vinegar. Eat the contents and the packing. Excellent.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Add beansprouts to that sandwich and you’ve got a nice little healthy snack!

28 06 2010
Shirley M

I used to eat milo and celery sandwiches.

28 06 2010
Glass 'em all

We have winner!

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yep, cant’ top that.

28 06 2010
vivisection

Call the welfare! It’s child abuse, it should have been milo and icecream sandwiches!

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Between two chocolate chip biscuits!

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Oh, that’s just wrong. Even in comparison to most of the shite food being bandied around here today, Milo and celery on bread is beyond the pale.

(That said, I used to LOVE little tins of lambs’ tongues in jelly. They made a lovely sandwich with BBQ sauce. Tomato sauce was reserved for sardine sandwiches, which I could never bring myself to endorse….)

28 06 2010
Shirley M

It is wrong. I don’t think mum ever knew my and my brother were eating them.

28 06 2010
vivisection

sardines on toast with tomato sauce is full of goodness, crunchy boney goodness.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

Who remembers ‘Deviled Ham Spread’ that came in a little tin…I’m pretty sure it was pig tits, lips and @rseholes mashed up…it was hellish stuff to eat, hence the devil in the name…

28 06 2010
vivisection

You can still buy it. It has a brand name which will come to me at some point.. Many years ago, when I was at uni , studying teaching (the horror), I used to work in after school care – Because I used to loathe children, I would get hideously wasted on my way to work to cope. The first job of the day would be to get their afternoon tea ready and the woman I worked with would make the kids eat that tinned Pig Tit Paste. Pecks Paste is it’s name, i knew it would come back. Anyway, even when more stoned than alive i couldn’t eat that crap!

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Devilled ham spread was a taste extravaganza in comparison to its even more loathsome runt brother.

I speak, of course, of Anchovette.

*SHUDDER*

*GLASS GLASS GLASS*

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My grandma used to have lemon butter, I loved the sh*t out of that but don’t think you can get it now.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

YUM! I think you can still buy it. I’ve made it before, so I can give the recipe if you ever choose to make it Simon.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yes please.

28 06 2010
vivisection

Lemon butter is great, my mother in law ( if the law allowed) occasionally posts me some over from Perth bless her.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

You can buy it in Coles/Woolies, but homemade is sooooo much better.

Since I only have tenuous occasional access to CWA-style street stalls, I’d like the recipe too pls, Shirl.

28 06 2010
vivisection

The Family Circle Cookbook , which still gets re-published every few years has most of these recipes. Keep an eye out for it – it’s often in cheap book bins. You’ll get flashbacks of Coq au Vin and Chicken Chasseur, Beef Wellington and other big occasion meals too.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Lemon butter:

Ingredients:
4 egg yolks
60g unsalted butter
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
100ml lemon juice
(makes about 500ml)

Mix yolks and sugar until well combined. Allow to settle. Put in a saucepan (preferably enamel) with all the other stuff. Stirring constantly, bring to simmering point on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. As soon as bubbles appear, remove from heat but keep stirring for a while to stop it from separating. Allow to cool, whack into sterilized jars.

28 06 2010
vivisection

You forgot the amount of sugar Shirley!

28 06 2010
Shirley M

Right you are! Possibly the most important ingredient, too.

2/3 cup caster sugar, kids.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Shirl, thanks so much.

Shall try to get around to making some on the weekend.

28 06 2010
Shirley M

I recommend making at least double so you can give some to your friend and show off.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Si
Master foods still makes it. They do it well. I tried another brand once and it was shit. They also make Promite which rocks my small world. 😀

29 06 2010
Tombarina

Promite? Euw. That AND Marmite. Pish and tush to them both.

There’s only one, true Lord of the Rank Black Condiments: all hail Darth Vegemite.

28 06 2010
Will S

Peck’s paste should be classified as an illegal substance by the Government.

29 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

Anything involving celery is just wrong. Who the hell decided it was suitable for use as a food, I wonder?

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Sibyl,
Anyone who would eat what you described as a cats head cant vote on what is food or not.

28 06 2010
Who Is James Bogue?

What about Nutri Grain bars – lots of little bricks crushed into one massive brick, with the same maxXxtreme carbo hit for the bogan on the move, and no need for dishes!

28 06 2010
Tombarina

On a similar principle, I once smashed the living $ht out of a bag of Nutrigrain with a meat mallet to make an emergency tart shell.

Mixed it with about a kilo of melted butter and, from, memory, it was pretty damed good. Iron Man Choc Cheesecake – maXXXtreme carbs, and only 70 million calories per serve.

28 06 2010
SD

Guys please please I implore you I can’t take any more descriptions of 70s food – I simply can’t believe you ate all this, is this some pre wog era!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So overcome am I that I have to use multiple exclamation signs like a true bogue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry SD!!!!!!!! You need a copy of the Margaret Fulton cookbook, all this could be in your kitchen. Failing this the CWA cookbook makes an acceptable alternative.

28 06 2010
vivisection

SD, back then, I had only heard of wogs. Certainly didn’t know any. Didn’t know any aboriginal people, and thought Indians were all Native American , as in Cowboys and Indians.

My primary school was all white bread kiddies. I think there was one Chinese restaurant in our town that everyone accused of serving Ibis and/or cat meat. So we certainly didn’t eat there, Mum made Mince Chow Mein anyway – bit of cabbage, vegemite and celery and Mince with sweet sherry and soy sauce! A real treat.

I was talking to a friend who grew up in an Italian family and she confessed to me that she hadn’t known about curly parsely until she left home, I had to confess that I hadn’t known about flat leaf parsley until i left home. We are the same age. Odd.

It’s amazing how much has changed in the last 30-40 years. For the better!

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Same here, Viv.

Only one family of non-whites in the entire town and nary so much as a Chinese cafe.

No meal that couldn’t be improved with the addition of tinned pineapple chunks.

Only one style of curry, and it had to include sultanas AND banana OR apple chunks.

Red meat morning, noon and night.

Divine corned meat you could cut with a fork.

Mushroom sauce from the tin – Edgell’s sliced mushrooms in butter sauce.

As per the Queensland Country Catering Act 1972, a salad could not be so described unless it included sliced, tinned beetroot, preferably accompanied by peeled cucumber which was subsequently scored down the sides with a fork prior to slicing. Tinned corn kernels also recommended.

The giddy height of exoticism: spag bol. With dried powdered parmesan. Rumours abounded of a mystical substance known as “garlic bread” – which was a long loafy thing wrapped in foil – but there were no confirmed sightings to support these crazy ramblings.

Hard-boiled eggs, halved and disemboweled, their yolks mixed with curry powder, mayo and other less sympathetic incredients prior to being piped (not spooned, mind – piped) back in.

Lettuce = iceberg.

Dessert = icecream, custard, junket, sago/tapioca, jelly, cheesecake, choc sponge, lemon delicious, pav or any combination thereof.

Life was easier before transfats, omegas, cholestrol, ethical eating, food miles, water inputs, carbon footprints, functional foods, organics, certification, dolphin safe and rainforest-friendly.

28 06 2010
vivisection

I still agree with the tinned beetroot rule! Can’t eat enough of it myself. And the kraft powdered parmesan in a green shaker was the highlight of a fine dining experience in a restaurant like Pizza Hut (remember the red glass candles?, oh the styling)

And i love iceberg lettuce. there I’ve said it to the world I LOVE ICEBERG LETTUCE. Not for prawn cocktails though, only to have in felafel wraps.

Did you also get to go to the Coles Cafeteria for morning tea on shopping day? Checkered floors, more noise than an army barracks and crap food. I bought a tin Coles cafeteria tea pot a few years back. I keep pens in it.

28 06 2010
SD

Tombarina, Vivisection that reads like a culinary history of Aus in the 70s-you need to co write a book!!!!!!

28 06 2010
vivisection

SD, sadly we have just about exhausted the topic of 70’s food in QLD. It would make a great coffee table book though, with lots of pictures of today’s children being forced to eat this crap. “Sushi, f#ck off, your gettin devilled ham on a cracker.” “Allergic to peanuts, shut the f#ck up and eat your nuts’n’bolts before they go stale”

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Yep, and none of us died from it!

28 06 2010
SD

Oh I wasn’t being a health food nazi – just taken aback by the mind boggling combinations – and that tinned stuff was so widespread.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Welcome to a culinary history lesson SD. Some of these recipes are making want to barf as my mother use to put things on tooth picks all the time. Frightening.

29 06 2010
Mandi

Can I recommend the Lady Flo Bjelke recipe book

29 06 2010
Mandi

*Petersen

29 06 2010
vivisection

I’d kill for one of her Pumpkin Scone Recipe Tea-towells!

29 06 2010
Tombarina

Y’know Viv…I suspect my mum might have one (not that she’s ever voted National in her life). I should suggest she eBay it.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

I’m done, SD.

I will have nothing further to do with fish fingers sangers with tomato sauce.

Although I do have a sudden hankering for a Plumrose tinned ham with the little metal key which opened up both the tin and (in about 30% of cases) your thumb…….

28 06 2010
vivisection

Tombarina, You should have that with a tasty glass of Mateus Rose sparkling wine.

28 06 2010
Sten

I still eat Plumrose frankfurts (one of the few holdovers I remember from my time as a sprog in Old Blighty). Indeed, it’s the only tinned meat product I’ll eat.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Because of the seventies I refuse to eat tinned pineapple (best way to stuff up a pizza) or tinned beetroot (ditto steak sandwich etc). Iceberg however still has it’s place in any decent kitchen. And I will admit to still enjoying kraft parmesan (chuck cheese) from time to time. Ah the smells of childhood.

Oh, and tinned smoked mussels rock.

28 06 2010
vivisection

“Kiss me quick, i’ve just eaten tinned smoked mussels!”. They do rock though.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Iceberg lettuce in wedges served with Green Goddess Dressing. If you don’t know it, here ’tis:
In a blender whip together the following – 1/2 cup sour cream, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup mayonnaise, bunch of basil, big dash of lemon juice, big dash anchovy oil, 2 mashed garlic cloves, Salt & Pepper to taste

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I remember the old Coles caff (NOT a café) in the city in Perth—what thrills! Crumbed sausages, crinkle-cut chips, (in retrospect, nasty) orange juice in those paper cups with the dartboard pattern and to top it off, a jelly and custard, all served on a plastic tray that you slid along the stainless steel counter, passing all the bain-maries where you’d get your nosh.

Even when by the time the old Coles store closed in 1996, it still had a floor-to-ceiling monochrome print of a scene from St George’s Terrace circa 1965. People would pay top dollar for that retro design, cool in its own daggy way.

Similar childhood (late 70s-early 80s) experiences had in the city were also at similar upstairs caffs at Myer and the long-gone Boans department store.

You couldn’t get away with such open peddling of saturated fats and blandness these days, unless it was some post-postmodern statement by jaded hipsters. Oops. I forgot. We do have a modern day equivalent. IKEA’s food hall. Ugh.

29 06 2010
Mandi

I remember in Canberra in the early 90’s our treat when we went shopping was to visit a cafe that from memory may have been in the back of a Kmart. I have never had a burger that good (though everything you remember eating when you are 4/5 tastes better), it came in a box shaped either like a car or a boat and had a little toothpick flag on top with some crinkle cut chips.

29 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

@ Mandy

Remember them too. Similar fare offered to the Coles Caff. Most Kmart stores had them back in the day. They were known as Holly’s by the late 80s until the early 90s, when they were dispensed with altogether.

Many a time in my childhood I would tuck into the jelly and custard in a cup at Kmart Morley!

29 06 2010
vivisection

I worked ever so briefly at Kmart in my first year of uni in 1991 – until they told me I had to wear a santa hat and played the Tin Lids Xmas carols on a loop for twelve hours non stop next to my checkout. Anyway, i had my tea break every day at the Holly’s Cafe in the back of the store. Terrible business!

29 06 2010
Tombarina

Mandi, childhood food memories are best left as just that – memories.

I recently called into the Big Pineapple’s Sunshine Plantation restaurant for the first time in 20-plus years for the sole purpose of reliving the glorious tropical fruit sundae I remembered from when I was a kid. The sundae was just OK, but everything was so much dingier, sadder and smaller than I remembered.

It made me a very sad panda.

29 06 2010
Tombarina

I don’t recall Coles cafes, but in the 70s, my grandmother occasionally took me to lunch at the restaurant (rarely has that word been so sloppily applied) atop Myer at Chermside.

Again, the plastic tray, the counter, and I remember the woman manning the till smoked like a chimney.

Coming from a very remote rural area, I thought I was all ‘that’ dining in such luxury – I can still taste the rather good ham sandwiches and see the magnificent vista of asbestos-roofed suburbia afforded from this third-floor eyrie.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

@SD – using racial epithets like “wog” is very bogan.

28 06 2010
SD

Confused – I thought it referred to Southern Europeans who arrived here and now they apply it to themselves? Also it seems to be in common usage like Poms.

Of course I was totally confused when I first arrived because it stands for “westernised oriental gentleman” where I come from.

28 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. That’s what it stands for here too – of course, it’s since taken on a derogatory meaning, as these things often do.

Like the “n” word for African Americans.

Don’t believe me? Try this – go to google, type “I can read wikipedia” and then click the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.

28 06 2010
SD

Sounds like the usual tired frat boy “joke”. As most racial stuff is.

Personally I feel a creeping boredom when race is discussed, analysed and parsed. Surely one is above and beyond that in this age.

28 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. It would have been easier to just do as I suggested.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

@SD, well, when you’ve been hit, spat upon and insulted for being a “wog” as a child, then you you’d feel differently about “frat boy jokes”.

28 06 2010
miss dahl

Yes, it is a word used to insult said southern Europeans, in the same way as the word nigger is used to insult black people. However, black people react violently because it is unacceptable. Just because a small number of people of southern European extraction apply it to themselves doesn’t mean everyone else does. Because it’s in common usage doesn’t make it right.

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Miss Dahl,
It is used in this country affectionately and is even used by thmselves about themselves.
I suggest you look at the Wikipedia “Australian English” entry for some up dates. Also the “Ethanic Slur” entry on the same wiki page.

Esentially as with any word at all wheather or not it is taken as a slur or a compliment depends upon the attitudes of the reciever. So in most cases this is a unique compilation of your parents attitudes,the attitudes and opinions of others whom you regarded as authority figures, the opinions of your peers and your personal experiencesand education. So if it offends you does not necessisarily mean that the person making the comment ment to offend you nor does it mean that the same comment made to another person would be recieved in the same way.

29 06 2010
miss dahl

Within the educated and sophisticated circles of European immigrants, it is offensive. It is only acceptable and used amongst the so-called “wogan” types.

29 06 2010
SD

Miss Dahl I have lived in several places and often was the maxxtreme darkie amongst people not so. So I know all about schoolyard bullying and I think the effect of it is overstated. A number of insulting terms are in play at school – both against different groups and within the predominant group – and kids get their kicks out of it simply because it is verboten. So preventing people from using it I am afraid only increases usage.

Also the N word is not the same as wog. Black history in the US has followed it’s own deviant course which is why its a loaded term. It’s not the same as terms applied to FOB immigrants who have assimilated a generation later. I am sure Southern European immigrants have their own terms for others – indeed I am sure of it as I live in an area where they are predominant.

Educated and sophisticated circles – isn’t that being classist? Are you suggesting that they are all enlightened with respect to race? Arguably educated and sophisticated Europeans took millions of working class Europeans to their death in their two World Wars and profited from a colonisation which rarely flowed onto their working class. The sophisticated English sent off their own bogans to this country. Now their descendants are fractured enough for this blog to refer to bogans as “it”. Why should that be OK but wog not? Or are the Anglo-Saxon working class/parvenus (Sten’s term?) fair game while everyone else is hands off?

In my own experience here, I have met bogans/wogans who make the standard lame jokes on nationality but have also shown much kindness. I have met sophisticated people who are not kind. I think one has to be careful not to conflate words with actions.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

SD,
Well you and I agree, thats a start !.
Steroetyping of races and religions is another area where some take themselves too seriously.
All my grand parents were Scots who are stereotyped as being parsimonious or mean. I know as did they, that this is not so but took/take no offence from jokes to that effect. In fact they were as quick as the next to make jokes about the meanness of the Scots.

29 06 2010
SD

James H bit surprising to find agreement innit 🙂

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ JH

I get called a wog all the time. I’m not Italian, I’m French. I coped it massive when I was kid for eating what the Skips considered weird but now eat as though they are gourmet.

Bread and cheese are HUGE in my culture, I would have brie and cranberry sandwiches for lunch on this awesome rye crusty bread and I would be teased. Movies like “The Wog Bog” in the flash back to his childhood lunch was similar to mine. I just laughed and ate up because what I was eating was way better than their crappy white bread, processed cheese, and Vegemite sandwiches. Sucked in I say.

29 06 2010
miss dahl

You feel the need to justify what is essentially a racist remark with paragraphs of “justification”. I am aware of racial villification in history, both ancient and modern. Just because you choose to “go along” with racist comments made by others, thereby justifying your own use of them doesn’t make it right. I was not brought up to slag off people based on their race, so it always strikes me as offensive, uncouth and rude to have to hear it. Just in case you think I’m a snob or live in an ivory tower, I can inform you that of all the people I fraternise with, there is just one who likes to bandy that word around. He is what you may classify as a bogan. For the record, I don’t make jokes about nationality. I am quite capable of discerning funny from that which is not.

29 06 2010
SD

Miss Dahl I think you will have to decide which part of my remark was racist – the one putting down English cooking or the term wog.

Beyond that I have little else to say. It was a light hearted remark which seems to have drowned in the semantics of the term wog. I don’t think this is the forum for me to discuss who has had a better upbringing or is less racist/classist so I will stop here.

29 06 2010
SD

Stuff it-in moderation.

Miss Dahl I think you will have to decide which part of my remark was r..ist – the one putting down English cooking or the term wog.

Beyond that I have little else to say. It was a light hearted remark which seems to have drowned in the semantics of the term wog. I don’t think this is the forum for me to discuss who has had a better upbringing or is less r…ist/classist so I will stop here.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Miss Dahl,
Any of us can only percieve as funny what is funny to us. Observing that some one else finds something funny is not the same and would be something i do not doubt you would agree on.
Therefore I am confused by your remark

28 06 2010
SD

Well this post has certainly been a massive education for Ms SD!!!!!!! Off to peek into the no doubt fascinating recipes of the CWA cookbook!!!

Thinsg have changed, eh-I can’t recall anything jellied or in aspic in Woolies even for the sake of nostalgia.

28 06 2010
vivisection

Op shops are full of fantastic recipe books. Once i started buying them I became quite addicted. Be careful

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Eals in aspic or jellied eals used to be the go in old blighty . I prefer my eals smoked and cold but ?

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

if max laverne doesn’t write for TBL I will eat my tiny keyboard.

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ooo, is that with a 70’s receipe? I suggest you wrap it in bacon and tinned asparagus.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

…and serve with Austrian cabbage in a condensed milk-sauce.

28 06 2010
vivisection

mackereally? that sounds made up.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

don’t forget the tooth pick 😉

28 06 2010
vivisection

Add some bbq sauce and vinegar and call it “Deviled Tiny Springtime Keyboard on Horseback”

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

*lavergne

28 06 2010
Brimstone

Any country that created Vegemite gives up the right to lecture others on food

28 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Dude, one word, Twinkies. Nuf said.

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

and hotdog frankfurts that don’t decompose even after 100 years in landfill

28 06 2010
SD

Wrong move Brimstone!

Also isn’t “body worshipping luddite” an oxymoron?!

28 06 2010
Sten

I fail to see how, SD. A luddite is simply one who opposes technological progress. Still, not really applicable to the Bogue, with it’s predilection for massive plasmas, tuned-to-the-maxXx Chevrodores and it’s iPhone (there, I said it!).

Agreed with yourself, Simon and Nelson regarding Brimstone’s tactical blunder.

28 06 2010
SD

Body worshipping seems a modern phenomenon and certainly any luddite would want to beat up maxxtreme exercise equiment?!

28 06 2010
Sten

Of course… good point, SD.

29 06 2010
Brimstone

nah it’s like the Greeks and Romans and the Aztecs

and it’s not just bogans… it’s just as common the Left. Aussies on both sides of politics seem to care more about sports, fitness, beaches, and the environment then about technology and the progress of the species as a whole

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

and McDonalds, Hungry Jack’s and all the others…

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone,
You are playing with fire making comments like that about vaginamite in Australia.!

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Nutri grind served with just cream is passable! Nice thick cream
other treats for people to try are WeetBix split in two then buttered with sugar sprinkled on top ( often wondered what killed my dad)
I have seen a sort of polka dotted Jelly made by putting jelly beans in jelly..
My own favourite used to be baking pan pan scrapings on bread with pepper and salt. All good iron man food.

Shirl the lemon butter looks great will try that.
Chubby I think the country weomens cook book. every household had one or before womens weekly or margaret fultons ther3e aws Mrs Beatons. That has great instruchions on how to hang a hare or rabbit untill the fur pulls out … apparently it is then ready to prepare !!

28 06 2010
Nelson Esq

@SD
All the weird foods we’ve listed were pretty much ‘standard’ fare for most people (well at least most that I knew when growing up). The bogans of the 70’s (they were the old school kind) lived off a fairly plain food whilst at home; rissoles and 3 veg.

Bogan youth, the scruge of society type, who drove around in V8 panel vans or hotted up EH Holdens pretty much lived off Kentucky Fried Chicken, fish’n’chips, coke, Big M’s, chicko rolls, Winnie blues and 750ml elephant cans of Melbourne Bitter.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

I’m reasonably handy in the kitchen and The Beloved and Sole Offspring are the generally very happy beneficiaries. But the meals they request most frequently are still old-fashioned comforty-type food – big flavoursome rissoles with onion gravy and mash, cauliflower bake, minestrone, roasts and puds.

Inspired by today’s little culinary adventure up Mount Hell-No, tonight’s dinner is classic old fashioned stuff – mustardy roast beef followed by a golden syrup pud with custard.

Nom, nom, nom.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Tombarina

Have I told you lately that I love you?

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

brain explosion.
I have just remembered from my time in the west…
Miss Mauds.
now that’s f@ckin’ breakfast.
BoT please tell me it’s still in business.
a full, four star (swiss) hotel, fixed price buffet breakfast, for the uninitiated. Awesome.
just awesome.
Every town should have one.

28 06 2010
Tombarina

Apparently so, Chub:
“Our Famous Smörgåsbord serving 65 irresistible dishes and open 365 days a year without exception since 1973. Breakfast Smörgåsbord: $25.”

It looks bloody awesome, too.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

We should have our first TBL Christmas/Festivus Contributors Party there. 😀

29 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

That’d be great, me being here in Dullsville.

Mind you, it’d cost all if you who live on the Eastern seaboard a fortune in airfares, unless of course you are prepared to slum it on Tiger or Jetstar.

Probably not worth it for a smörgåsbord meal though 🙂

29 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bag O, Can get over for $99 at the moment on Jetstar. Going to Margaret River in October. Probably still won’t get me to Miss Mauds though.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Bag O & Simon-GAA

We could get some group fair. Get a hotel and just have a non bouge time.

Maybe Fi has a private jet we could borrow?

We could also have Bogan Watching Tours. Watch them in the natural environment.

Vivi can be in charge of catering… 😉

28 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Still there. Still cranking out their smörgåsbord meals to packed houses.

“A little piece of Sveden” as Miss Maud herself would say!

I used to load up on the buffet for Sunday breakfasts coming fresh off of the night shift in my shoddy hospitality job back about nine years ago. Fun times outside of work, in inverse proportion to the job satisfaction.

28 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

i had my mum’s old “central” cookery book from her high school days. had recipes for suet, instructions on how to dress a rabbit etc. the one which sticks in my mind was the recipe for beer which began with “one kerosene tin of water. One handful of hops…”

28 06 2010
Sten

Sounds like Australian beer, all right.

28 06 2010
Antosha

Empty Kerosene tin of its contents and fill with water.

Note: Keep the kerosene – we will be using it later on.

28 06 2010
Sten

Precisely… while (most) Australian beer is tasteless as f*ck, it’s not actually toxic (waits for the pedants/temperance nincompoops).

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
Are you giving us the old family recipe for Austrian cabbages marinaded in kerosean ?
PS Will Avtur do ?

28 06 2010
Antosha

I got that recipe suggestion from Peter.

And I must add… he has been very quiet of late.

As has “.” for that matter.

29 06 2010
urbanreverie

Did you cook some Austrian cabbage too, Antosha? After all this talk of cabbages with Hitler moustaches, I just had to succumb to curiosity so I made a batch of it last week.

It was gross. And you can’t blame me – I’m a bloody good cook, people who eat at my place are effusive in their praise for my culinary efforts, and it’s extremely rare for me to chuck food out that I’ve made. But Austrian cabbage …. I couldn’t stomach it. It tasted like greasy, sour compost. So into the bin it went.

Even Nutri-Grain is more appealing. And I hate that stuff – tooth enamel-cracking bricks when dry; little bits of soggy cardboard once you pour the milk on.

29 06 2010
Antosha

Many thanks for the tasting notes Mr Urban.

I suspect you are the only TBL’er to date to have attempted to recreate Peter’s most famous culinary concoction.

Do you think the below par outcome may have been a result of your cabbage not being Austrian enough?

When I try to cook this dish, I will ensure I select a particularly Austrian cabbage – preferably one which berates gypsies as they walk past the fruit & veg section.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
It could be inferior kerosine. ??

29 06 2010
urbanreverie

Kerosene would probably have improved the taste of my Austrian cabbage, James.

As for Antosha’s suggestion that the whole cabbage was not Austrian enough – he may well be correct. Unfortunately, I did not enquire as to the cabbage’s provenance at the Coles where I bought said cabbage. I shall make a special effort in finding a cabbage which wears dirndls and lederhosen and listens to Mozart should I ever attempt to follow Peter’s recipe in the future.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Urban,
Lederhosen and Austrian cabbage ?
Sounds kinky
Be careful where you put your Kransky.

28 06 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, you’re hankering after a bit of attention i see. What’s the problem, the urban challenge of living in Charlestown too much for you? Also, your spelling isn’t improving. Try laying off the drugs’n’booze. Maybe that’ll enable your highly irregular neurological pathways to recover somewhat.

28 06 2010
Sten

Wow, Pee-ter, I bet you really had to concentrate to get that lot out… and with only ONE error! How many times did you stop to check the dictionary, oh, whelk-brained wonder?

Good boy, you can go out and play now. Might I suggest in a slaughterhouse?

28 06 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
Maybe Petey is the original “Cabbage Patch ” Boy ??
Petey like SWten says go outside and play, maybe with your brussel sprouts ? Maybe they will turn into cabbages ?

28 06 2010
Antosha

Aaah… It seems Peter has surfaced afterall!

You chaps do make an aged and overworked Antosha chuckle!

28 06 2010
Sten

Aww… only as long as he “finds” a landmine or similarly aged and unstable ordinance in the soilbed.

29 06 2010
Peter

Sten: another one who’s obsessed with me. Sorry, but you’re not get any cock action either. Try vivisection; he seems to think that inserting foreign objects such as fists, plastic replicas of male genitalia, etc into a passage normally used for the removal of waste products from the body is romantic. Good luck.

29 06 2010
vivisection

cabbage f#cker

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Maybe Petey babe should go out on the freeway and play with the traffic ?

29 06 2010
Antosha

What chance does Man have against such hate?

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
Just goes to show; too much Austrian cabbage and kerosene

29 06 2010
Peter

Lay off the ham, knobwrench: Peter

29 06 2010
Sten

Pfft… you wish. The fact you’re happy to fire a boradside at a completely unrelated member of an often-mistreated group inidcates a truly sub-mediocre intellect… just fuck off and die, you mouthbreathing knuckle-dragger.

Bah. My hands are cold, and trying to figure out who started getting excessively abusey first seems complicated. Spare me the brain chaos and calm down, guys. TBL

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

With respect TBL

Peter did start it.

29 06 2010
JimC

And of course, they’ll only ever buy the HUGE boxes of this rubbish that cost about $9.

Chumps.

29 06 2010
Happy

you guys put down nutri grain even though you know it tastes nice.
im also assuming that none of you have nice bodies and judging by the dozens of posts wanting to pay kudos to Fruit Loops and Pop Tarts, ya’ll probably have teeth like a Pom.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubby calls happy as bffj/bb/”.”
you heard it here first.
obvious when you think about it.

hey happy, how ’bout them Kooris?

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

…and Happy, just for the record (not that it matters), I’m effing gorgeous! just over six feet tall, big buff unit @95kg, tatts, short blonde hair and blue eyes, I’ll be 43 next birthday but usually get picked for 35, my wife’s just gone 27, petite, super fit, a cute little audrey hepburn with longer hair and cute freckles.
like I said, it don’t matter none, but you raised the subject…
oh, and we both have perfect teeth.

29 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Go Chub, you are right on Happy I think you big hunk of man you. I am 5 10′ and 69 kg so no waste on me. Had to have a filling yesterday though! And I don’t have sugar on anything.

29 06 2010
Peter

Sorry cockneck, but obviously a bit too try-hard. Especially the ‘tatts’ bit (it matters). Incidentally, so random strangers just front you and declare, “Gosh, you’re 35 years old, right?” You make yourself & lil Audrey sound like the couple most likely to attend swingers activities. Mmmm, that’s something to strive for.

Yeah, we’re going to be blocking your posts from now on Peter. TBL

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Peter,

Please stop.

29 06 2010
Shirley M

Thanks TBL. ❤

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I love you TBL

MWAH

29 06 2010
Sten

Thanks TBL!

29 06 2010
martin

I’m about 105kg and just over 6 foot so look out you bitch. I’ll fucken glass you easy.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

also
@Martin & Brimstone
comics are for children.
like soccer.

29 06 2010
martin

I agree. Comics are for children. Which is when I last read them. Well I was 14 or so.

Yeah I think given the socceroos performance soccer is pretty gay too. Also it’s shit boring to watch.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

who said w*g?

I hate that sh!t.

29 06 2010
SD

I did Chubby.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

perhaps the more intelligent and broad minded among us can see thru epithets to fi nd gentle humour or something else, but alas there is a massive groundswell of idiots out there who can’t. so for their sakes I suggest we abandon them.
I personally would hate to see terms like curry muncher or gook legitimised at some future time.

29 06 2010
SD

Chubby I don’t think you can censor terms, they may go underground but they remain. Further curry joke=racist is simplistic. R..ist attitudes are often insiduous – non usage of a term doesn’t imply that one is not.

And further by that token aren’t the terms “bogans”, “bogues”, the use of the term “it” as on this blog also offensive? How are we any better if we also resort to name calling? Or assume that some people deserve name calling?

29 06 2010
SD

damn moderation %$@#%$

Chubby I don’t think you can censor terms, they may go underground but they remain. Further curry joke=r..ist is simplistic. R..ist attitudes are often insiduous – non usage of a term doesn’t imply that one is not.

And further by that token aren’t the terms “bogans”, “bogues”, the use of the term “it” as on this blog also offensive? How are we any better if we also resort to name calling? Or assume that some people deserve name calling?

29 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I stand accused for using both “wog” and “skip”, but solely in reference to myself and not as a pejorative term to anyone else as such. I have no need to do that, for I gain no satisfaction whatsoever from using a blanket term to besmirch anyone on the basis of things that were accidents of birth and circumstance.

Being half each of Italian and Anglo-Celtic, this has posed something of a dilemma at various stages in my life: until I was about eight, I had little to do with my Italian heritage, as my Dad had not too much family here and though he had a network of friends which included quite a few being fellow countrymen, he tried his damnedest to be a “good Aussie”, being married to one and working amongst them.

After my parents split, he reacquainted with his heritage with a vengeance, taking me along with it: it was a whole new world to me, with the depth of social networking and extended families being revealed, especially once he remarried, this time to a compatriot and having a bevy of new aunts and uncles as a consequence. Also at the time in Year 4, I had changed schools: I moved from a state school which was multicultural before the term gained wide currency, to a Catholic co-ed which was evenly split down the middle between Southern Europeans and Anglo-Celtics. There, I was deemed an outsider, because I had no allegiance to either clique and not sufficiently qualified to fit either group. Later on, this did have its benefits, for I was often prevailed upon to act as a peacemaker between the groups, after the hideous all-in brawls that took place periodically, of which otherwise I had no vested interests in.

So I suppose I used those terms casually because of my straddled status, having a foot in each camp, but sufficiently removed as not to be blinded by the bullsh¡t that gets promulgated. I endeavour to be my own man and make stands based on principle and judgements on their own merits.

But yes, I do ultimately agree with Chubby in refraining from the use of such terms, regardless of the context and thus won’t, from hereon in, utilise them. And my appellation of “bogan” is not aimed at any persons as such (except perhaps the odd public figurehead), but at the attitudes and resultant actions, of which are not borne of circumstance or even passive ignorance, but make fair game of those made actively with sheer bloodymindedness and utter disregard for the consequences of said actions or attitudes. That’s what I’m fine with tearing shreds off of. But even then, I still try to reach out and find out why those folk at the way they do. Only when they can see it and continue to act with discourteousness, then I will target them. That’s what TBL really should be about.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

but hey,
I’m just a big beautiful WASP
so what do I know.

29 06 2010
miss dahl

@SD, clearly it was the use of the “Wog”, which , coincidentaly, is one of the most often used words by “bogans”, humourously and otherwise. It is interesting that the commentators of this forum consider themselves more intelligent, broad-minded and superior to the “bogans” but they like to use the exact same racial epithets, humourously and otherwise.

29 06 2010
SD

Miss Dahl I honestly can’t argue this – it is a term which obviously touches a raw nerve with you but as a non-Strayan had no connotations for me. You are taking that one word out of context (I only used it to indicate what seems to be the general consensus that cooking improved once wogs arrived) and have been persecuting me for using it since. I am not going to apologise for using it because I see no need to. So if you want to think me racist go ahead – its a pleasant change given my ethnicity.

Bogans as a class are ridiculed on this site. Bogans who come here to defend their class are mocked. The term bogan is used derisively. I can’t remember you objecting to that. Your recent posts had a touch of class snobbery. How is that in any way broad minded or is that the uncouth uneducated bogans/wogans out there deserve scorn sent their way?

29 06 2010
SD

TBL, I give up! I promise never to use the R word!!
_______________________________________________________

Miss Dahl I honestly can’t argue this – it is a term which obviously touches a raw nerve with you but as a non-Strayan had no connotations for me. You are taking that one word out of context (I only used it to indicate what seems to be the general consensus that cooking improved once wogs arrived) and have been persecuting me for using it since. I am not going to apologise for using it because I see no need to. So if you want to think me r….st go ahead – its a pleasant change given my ethnicity.

Bogans as a class are ridiculed on this site. Bogans who come here to defend their class are mocked. The term bogan is used derisively. I can’t remember you objecting to that. Your recent posts had a touch of class snobbery. How is that in any way broad minded or is that the uncouth uneducated bogans/wogans out there deserve scorn sent their way?

Haha, we might have to take the R word out of the language filter thing. Having it in there has probably outlived its original purpose. TBL

29 06 2010
Brimstone

you’re Australians

of course you’re closed minded racists

you can’t help it

😛

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone,
Ah Ha , I knew the American alliance had given us something !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

fair comment,
just…
some of these race or culturally based appellations carry a whole history of horror with them. i’m sure I can spare the dtails for the sake of brevity.
for that reason I (personally) choose to avoid all racial epithets. with due acknowledgement to cultural differences, I choose to see only humans. I knew someone of european descent who went through hell at a tiny country school in the seventies for beiong a w*g, despite have blonde hair and blue eyes. It was just one of those moments which made me decide I wouldn’t use terms like that any more. there have been many more btw. I think I mentioned some on the ernie dingo thread.
the Bogue appellation is applied to behaviours not ethnicity, and in regard to those behaviours I think we’re just scoring some equal time.
sorry phone is going flat…

29 06 2010
miss dahl

@Chubby – I agree. However, for the record, I will state that I am intolerant of racism and cruelty towards children and animals. Anything else is a fair fight. Defence rests.

29 06 2010
vivisection

So are sexism, homophobia and the disabled fair game? I didn’t realise it was ok pick and choose according to personal preference.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

are the Mentally Ill fair game?

We all have our personal banner to wave. I don’t think any of the regular contributors would be intentionally racist or anything else. I’m clearly not talking about Peter & Co.

29 06 2010
urbanreverie

Agreed, Pinky. I can’t see any intentionally malicious racism either. Time to hand out the chill pills, I reckon.

I’m just still amazed that a thread about Nutri-Grain – a bland, over-advertised, turd-coloured BREAKFAST CEREAL for Christ’s sake! – has generated a mass debate about race and discrimination.

29 06 2010
vivisection

I fail to see what relevance it’s colour has Urban 😉

29 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cerealist!

29 06 2010
SD

Taken, swallowed 🙂

Nutri-Grain is evil, made in a 3rd world factory with infant labour, its packed in virgin rain forest and disclocated 10 ethnic people from their home, discriminates against non-iron men, made porridge obsolete etc etc etc.

There you see how much race and dicrimination can be packed into a flake 🙂

Also how does one delete duplicate posts.

29 06 2010
SD

my speling is clrly hywre.

29 06 2010
vivisection

SD that would make a great personalised number plate “clrly hywre” or a name for a bogue child.

29 06 2010
SD

Perhaps a bogan faux Welsh name in a nod to the new PM?!

I will bung it on my non-existent car with a frangipani sticker.

29 06 2010
urbanreverie

Nutri-Grain isn’t made in the Third World. It’s made in a boxy, satanic-looking mill in the Sydney suburb of Banksmeadow, surrounded by oil refineries, chemical plants, rusty shipping container yards and tiny, dishevelled interwar-era workers’ cottages.

I’ve driven past the Kellogg’s factory a few times. The stench! It’s hard to describe – something like a mixture of sickly sweet caramel, boiling papier-mâché and phlegm.

If you’ve ever go down Banksmeadow way, you’ll never think of cereal in a positive light again.

29 06 2010
Sten

Really? Banksmeadow!? I had no idea, and I used to work there! I always wondered what made that all-pervasive wet-cardboardish smell.

I always thought it was the British American plant down the road. But they make my smokes, which taste nothing like wet cardboard.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Can I have two Urban, I’ve been a good girl.

PS, how do you bold things on here?

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
You have two avatas ?
By the by you are the born again diplomat
Mwah
Come on every one a little Mwah for Pinkelstein from each of you.

29 06 2010
urbanreverie

Yes Pinky, you may have as many chill pills as you like. Don’t get too greedy though; some others here are in much greater need of them than you. 🙂

By the way, about text formatting your posts …. I just use HTML tags (the same language used to construct web pages). Basically, you enclose the text you want to change inside tags which specify how you want to format the text.

You can do lots of exciting stuff like that this! Hooray!

This page shows how to use the tags: http://www.tizag.com/htmlT/formattags.php

Hope this helps 🙂

29 06 2010
Sten

Me too. My deal on the mushies fell through last weekend… grrrr… sure hope it goes through this week, as I need them for my annual Blue Mountains weekend.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
it is only the skilled ,like you and I to name two who can choose to be ofensive in a targeted way. Most are either offensive to every one which is very catholic andf very democratic or they give in to personal predjudices with out any thought as to wheather the recipent will in fact be offended.
Therefore I would suggest that we may as well pick and choose who we wish to offend and how we are going to go about doing that.
It is in fact the how we do it that will determin its effectivness.
No point in trying to offend a White Jew by calling him a Black Catholic F#$%^r unless your very sure of his sexuality.
If in fact your comment was simply ment to take the piss then either everything or nothing of what I have said is wron and should be ignored.
!!!! ?

29 06 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, you offend the English language, communication using the English language and spelling of the English language. Nice going, pops.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Oh Petey Babe,
You’ll do, You offend everyone equally. Very Catholic.

29 06 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, if that were actually the case then everyone would be offended universally. But do maintain you constant online sentry – and by constant I mean all day every day – you may learn something constructive despite the boredom. I suppose there isn’t much else to do in the boondocks. Which subsequently indicates you really could have tried harder before “retiring…”

29 06 2010
Happy

@ chubby: if you are so good looking then why is your user name so horrifically ugly?
Personally I would picture you to be still in your mid forties, but sporting obesity and a hat with little helicopter blades stuck on top.

29 06 2010
Pandabater

Flick, Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

29 06 2010
SD

Chubby, many people on this blog don’t want a further population influx into Australia – even though he world is one and we are all humans and more than 95% of the country has an immigrant background. The government specifically froze Afghan (ie.Hazara) and Sri Lankan intake quotas. I am not arguing that these should be changed just that definitions of r…m are fluid. For you it may be a appellation for others it may be policies, intent etc.

All the hoo haa over appellations in fact is often smoke and mirrors and often detracts from the real issues. Papers piously omitting such words and making a big deal about it are often enough not equal employers for e.g.

Also I didn’t mention bogan ethnicity, just the derision directed towards bogues in general. And is a person who listens to Kings of Leon automatically a sub species in need of behaviour correction?!

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

@SD
as is oft repeated here:
bogan is as bogan does.
the site is not called “if you like these things you are bogan”

I’ll leave it at my personal choice then. I am a bear of little brain. I don’t have a great deal to offer. I see my choice to not use names like wog, gook, curry, faggot, retard, coon etc. As one tiny positive thing I can do. I have seen many people deeply hurt by those names.
it’s a “be the change” thing.

29 06 2010
martin

I don’t think I’ve ever heard Kings of Leon but certainly anyone who likes Nickelback needs to be sorted out.

Anyone who wants to import more immigrants can go and make their own town in the outback and start up a factory and leave the breezy, cooler, more desirable coastline to me. We could turn Alice Springs into makers of ipods with cheap dollar a day labour.

30 06 2010
Tombarina

Already happening. At Charleville, 1000km and 50 years from of Brisbane, the local game meat abbatoir (roos and goats) is manned almost exclusively by Vietnamese men on 457 visas. The plant employs just under 200 people – in a town of 3500, that’s more than 5pc of the population and about 25pc of the workforce.

A lot of Vietnamese, Filipino and South American labour being used in meatworks throughout Queensland, including heavy concentrations in regional areas like the Darling Downs and Central and North Queensland.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

is Religitard okay Chub? Cause I call a lot of people Religitard and Bogan. 😉 More a state of mind than a cultural thing.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

@Happy.
call it irony if you like.
the name is meant to be sort of humourous and offensive. I think it also has a nice onomatopoeic quality to it. It came about after a discussion with a friend about the decline of public taste and morals; he didnt think google would let me register it as an email addy. I thought they would because it contains no actual swear words.
I won.
now I’m quite attached to it.

29 06 2010
vivisection

A few years back my email was Vivi@yourmomisacunt.com – until Google bought out the people who set them up and deleted all the offensive accounts – used to get them at a site called evilemail and you could get the most offensive names. It was free and had a guarantee of being not traceable, mr viv had mrviv@stinkfinger.com. Another favourite was “@chlamydiaisnotaflower.com Those were the days!

29 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I would’ve loved “sexonfire@herpesheroes.com”, just for a laff…

29 06 2010
Antosha

What about: antosha@ididnotthinkfunguscouldgrowthere.com

Has a nice ring to it yes?

29 06 2010
Sten

Marvellous work, all of you. I’m glad extreme vulgarity is not a Thing Bogans Like. Long may it stay that way. Seriously!

29 06 2010
Sten

I would’ve personally liked sten@yourmumsplacegivingheradamngoodfigging.com

1 07 2010
Antosha

Splendid !!

1 07 2010
Sten

I thought so too!

29 06 2010
SD

TBLs’ possibly related posts – what’s wrong with the goddamed young – worth a read 🙂

29 06 2010
vivisection

well spotted SD – the too tall post is great!

29 06 2010
SD

as are the ones where he is saving America!

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

God Damned whining Baby Boomers drive me insane.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
We need to complain. We are just trying to even up the books.

The younger generations blame us for all the things wrong with the world like Mobile phones , colour TV, Junk food,cheap air travel,digital everything and women in politics.

So you can see how sorry we are for them.

Let them have a world with TB and Polio, horses for transport the girls can cook on a fuel stove and the boys can work in the fields and that way they will all die young and will never get to be our age and thus never get to complain like we do.
?

29 06 2010
martin

No I think their main problem is that you had houses for 2-3 times the average wage now they are looking at 7-10 times the average wage. It’s kind of the difference between having a house and not having one. Also free education, and being able to go from the mail room to CEO.

Face it. You were good for 10-20 years but now you suck balls.

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
Maybe if you didnt blame the baby boomers for this you could move forward.
Or move to China or Latvia or Paraguay or Iceland.?
There would be lots to complain about there too and guess what they had no Boomers but just like here the previous generations are to blame for all the things wrong but get little credit for all the things that have worked out.

29 06 2010
Antosha

You’re a Boomer Mr Hunter? ALAS !

I won’t hold it against you :))

29 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
Like most peoples in any time we are all largley driven and constrained by circumstances beyond our control. Again like most people from most times , most of us realy have tried.
It is good for people to concider from time to time ” There but for the grace of god go I”
?

30 06 2010
martin

Typical boomer response. Yes I know we all deserve to be derided because we bought a plasma.

I think you get plenty of credit. It’s just that it’s over now. There’s only so much multi-culturalism and feminism you can ram down someone’s throat. I blame the overzealousness of it as one of the reasons for the state of the bogan.

30 06 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
You do stereotype you know

29 06 2010
SD

That anti-intellectualism thread has so many contributors TBL doesn’t hear from anymore.

Thankfully Fi’s LOL provides reassuring continuity!

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Speaking of missing contributors

Where the Tom Cruise is Benji?

Did he say he would be away for a long time??

29 06 2010
Pandabater

Not sure about nutrigrain being the bogans choice, I reckon bogans would consider ironmen dick stickers wearin lifesavin pooftas. I would have thought that the bogan would have to “do” a dozen or so weetbix to prepare for the 3 minutes working on his guns, also he gets to snigger at the “do”ing part. How many did you do today? Tee Hee.

29 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Off Topic:

I was at Coles today and became loudly outraged at the Master Chef advertising. F@@king hell Bogan’s need “reality television” (oxymoron?) to know what vegi’s to buy or more to the point what they look like. I decried that we were moving instantly to the bush and was starting the commune.

Can we not go anywhere without being reminded how stupid the majority of the populous is?

I don’t think my pinko heart can take much more of this…Help me Tom Cruise

29 06 2010
Sten

Pinky,

Short answer, no. The world economy would go to wrack and ruin in minutes if idiots weren’t told what to buy ever waking second.

I personally dread the day marketing companies will be able to rent pregnant womens’ wombs in order to market non-essential Chinese-made crap to their developing fetuses.

30 06 2010
Sten

Furthermore, I can’t stand the way the Trashmedia Kraken unfailingly characterises China and North Korea as “Communist”. There’s a big diffference between Communism and “State Capitalism” and “Hereditary Dictatorship backed by Militocracy*”.

* Yes, I’m aware this is probably a made-up word. Sue me.

30 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

@ P!nky

Media Watch got stuck into this heinous super-cross-promotion with Master Bait last Monday. Insanity, the whole product promotion orgy! Makes me want to suggest that Ten put on the test pattern instead, or move to said commune to escape all of this headfarcking. Last night’s 7:30 Report examined the plight of a group of people who are struggling to get an eco community in the Perth Hills financed for development. Liked what I saw of that group: that’d be a bogan-free area, and if I weren’t tied up with study, I’d sell up from the ‘burbs and make myself a home there.

If you didn’t see it then, it’ll be on ABCs iView until Monday, as will be Red Kezza.

30 06 2010
Sten

Ha! Red Kezza! It’s funny ‘cos it’s true.

1 07 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It refers not just to the colour of his hair, but also his earlier links to the ALP, as a press secretary to Gough Whitlam, thus being painted “red” politically.

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh no!?
peter’s being blocked?
that will devastate the comment count…

Do you mean to say people can’t just come in here to insult people without contributing (however obliquely) to the discussion?

that doesn’t seem very fair…

http//:www.wikipedia.com/totallyfacaetiousthankstblthiscontinuestobethebestthingihaveeverreadontheinternetpleasekeepitupanddestroytheignorantintolerantboguemenace.html

29 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

…oh
and when I’m quitting smoking (about once every three months or so)
I totally dig Just Right.
Edna (who continues to be absolutely gorgeous and with whom I have no intention of exploring any sort of swappage or english stick book voyeurism or dogging or whatever they call it) digs Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

ON TOPIC!!!

30 06 2010
Tombarina

Jesus Christ, you’re dull, Petey.

Forget Austrian cabbages or your homophobia or your inane blog or your obsessive need for attention, however negative – your biggest crime is that you’re utterly, intolerably, irredeemably boring.

It buggers me why you visit TBL – you’ve never advanced a single argument or debate and you appear to despise every view of every single poster, leading to the inescapable conclusion that you’re either desperately lonely or just potty.

Either way, I don’t really care. Just ease up on the ennui.

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