#148 – Wii Fit

15 06 2010

There is a long, prestigious roster of ridiculous items that the bogan can be convinced to purchase. If the bogan is thirsty, it will not merely drink water, it will crave a boost juice (actually a smoothie) or a functional water (actually cordial). If the bogan wishes to leech some cultural cachet from the bloated corpses of Bach and Sinatra, it will try to illegally download some Andre Rieu or Michael Buble (actually a Canadian dwarf), before realising it doesn’t know what a torrent is, and buy it at JB. Of course, the bogan wishes to get fit and lose inches (never centimetres) off its waist, so it spent years embracing the Assmaster 5000 or some other nonsense. But in the modern age, buying strangely contrived exercise equipment over the phone seems a bit antiquated. The savvy bogan wanted to move beyond late-night exercise tools, and complement it with something state-of-the-art.

Nintendo saw this and Nintendo acted. Add to this illustrious list of amazingly pointless products, that in combination account for 40% of the Australian economy, the Wii Fit. By the time the bogan saw Delta Goodrem and Olivia Newton John spruiking this marvellous new way of losing weight and getting smart without moving or thinking, it was already hooked. With the Wii Fit, the bogan discovered an incredible new means of being ridiculous. And loved it. By the end of 2009, 800,000 Wii Fit consoles had been sold to bogans across Australia, as they realised that by standing on a plastic platform watching television and barely moving, it would lose weight and tone up.

Now, while the bogan is busily not consuming carbohydrates through a straw, it wobbles unsteadily on its cankles, looking for all the world to be swatting imaginary flies or some such, as poorly animated characters move at random on a five-second delay on an 89” plasma screen. Having justified a quick return journey to the McDonalds drive through without having broken a sweat or leaving the confines of the McMansion’s lounge room, the bogan can then work on increasing their Facebook IQ score by exercising their under utilised grey matter on Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree. Here, the bogan engages in arithmetic and problem-solving tasks aimed at eight year-olds, and sits back smugly when it manages to outscore five year-old Rylan. This Wii thing does make the bogan smarter. Oh, and fitter too.


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373 responses

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ew, cankles!

15 06 2010
Tone

I’ll see your cankles and raise you a gunt.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. What’s a gunt? Do I even want to know… 😦

15 06 2010
Tone

Have one of your servants Google it for you, then have another one translate the written description into something as dignified as possible. I’d strongly suggest they turn Safe Search on as well.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Very well. I’ll put one onto it ASAP.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ew! My eyes, my eyes, my beautiful eyes…

15 06 2010
devil's advocate

Tone (09:56:50) said: ‘Have one of your servants Google it for you…’

Or Fiona could just look down…

15 06 2010
TheMon

Ha ha haaa!

15 06 2010
Tone

or get one of her servants to hold up a mirror. Members of the Gunt Owners Club are often unaware that they even have one, as they can’t see it by looking down.

16 06 2010
devil's advocate

I think the mirror suggestion was taken on board, and she subsequently did some form of injury to her eyes…

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I had a go at one of these things at a friends place. The Wii can tell your ‘actual age’ based entirely on how you stand on the board. Amazing!

15 06 2010
miss dahl

I see it worked wonders for your model in the pic!

15 06 2010
Glass 'em all

Is that Star wars Kid with a pound of smack? Or the last photo of Elvis…

15 06 2010
Gregbie

After forking out $400 the last thing that bloke would do is stand on it.

15 06 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

The bogan had a Monday of revelry by getting paid to do nothing (which it thoroughly deserves, because of the queen and that) and basked in the glow of the socceroos demise – who knew they were going to lose anyway.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

Kudos to Nintendo for harnessing a hitherto unimagined galaxy of femmebogue icons to plug their ridiculous plastic slab – Our Delta, Our (British) Liv and Our (Kiwi) Rebecca Gibney, red-hot-yet-not-up-herself-cougar-MILF from esteemed socio-documentary Packed To The Rafters.

Remarkably, the Wii Fit manages to be even stupider than the AbMaXXX 9000, because the proportionately lesser effort entailed in the (ahem) workout is inexplicably accompanied by exponentially higher expectations of fitness’n’$hit.

With the purchase (in seven easy installments of $99.99 apiece) of the AbMaXXX, the femmebogue at least anticipates that she may have to work up some sort of a sweat in order to (immediately) achieve the siXXX-pack promised by the toothy TV promotors.

The Wii Fit, however, makes no such disclosure – we simply see lycra-clad celeblondes tee-heeing atop aforementioned ridiculous plastic slab.

Slack-jawed dullards subsequently purchase the slab, along with $500 worth of branded yoga gear, then bang on ad nauseum about what it’s done for their “core strength”, while inviting people to feel the evidence hidden somewhere within their pudgy bemuffined midriffs.

A pox upon the Wii Fit, and all who sail on her….

15 06 2010
T-Mac

I was going to mention WiiFit using Rebecca Gibney in their ads…I can foresee a whole TBL entry on that show she’s on in the future…

15 06 2010
Brimstone

it’s good in one way though – i can play my DS on the train without embarrassment. people assume i’m playing some ‘brain training’ thing instead of (GASP) an actual game

15 06 2010
Tombarina

I salute you, Brim.

I recognise the neurological research demonstrating that exercising one’s brain is an essential step in warding off degeneration as one ages.

However, given that the brain-trainy thingies look about as challenging as a Bi-Lo catalogue, I’d have thought they were actually speeding up cognitive loss – all those little brain cells suiciding, rather than suffer the indignity of trying to discern the number ‘9’ from amid a challenging cluster of five numbers.

15 06 2010
Glass 'em all

Don’t forget the matching Power Balance Band and water bottle.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Surely it’s only a matter of time before that most bogan of hordes, the Fanatics get on board and start supporting a Wii Fit team?

15 06 2010
vivisection

I’m surprised our friends at Nein haven’t cottoned on and created a reality show to go along with the Wii craze. Maybe “The Biggest Master Wii Loser” where contestants pretend to plate up imaginary health foods in such a hurry that they miraculously shed unwanted kilos, while drinking Celebrity Slim shakes and having shouty bogues with massive guns,in lycra, scream at them. After 14 weeks of yelling out their food philosophies (i.e. I like simple, fresh ingredients) and winning lots of massive challenges, the winner is declared Master Wiiner, writes a book about their Journey/Food Philosophy and becomes as hill for the new range Diet Fountain Sauces and condiments. I’d watch it.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

Excellent, Viv. You’re a thinker!

Re phisosophies, don’t forget “cook with love, from the heart”.

(Although about 60pc of evening meals cooked at Chez Tomba are cooked with barely-contained resentment, from fatigue, and plated up with a side of indifference and a soupcon of “eat it or die”.)

15 06 2010
Tombarina

*philosophies*

15 06 2010
pb

shouldn’t it be called dancing with the master wii loser or no deal? just to include as much reality tv as possible in the one show.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

How about

“Fat bogans get abused Wii style”

That I may watch.

15 06 2010
vivisection

you could Wii glass as you watch – in 3D

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My head just exploded.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Fatty Wiiner Bogue could choose a briefcase which has how much weight they might lose, from a selection of Ed Hardy Clad Bogues with matching swimming pool mohawks and popped collars. If they get it wrong, they have to do the Lemon Detox diet and have to Wii Dance, on the toilet, until they have the detoxed. Just one of the many masisve challenges they would face.

15 06 2010
pb

vivi, i love you.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

The add that I lurve is the one by some “spray and Wipe” cleanerI think it is “BAM”. Says it saves you so much time cleaning that you do not get the exercise cleaning that you are used to SO BUY their exercise plan and “GET IT OF WITH BAM’

How hilarious.

Fiona, of course adds like this have no relavence to you as like all the better class of true ladies you would not be familiar with cleaning products.

Must say MrsH and I wouldnt know a Bam if we fell over it.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Agreed JH, it is my favourite ad at the moment. Can you imagine being in that ad as one of the people exercising? Talk about the pinnacle of your Supporting Cast Member career.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Viv in general I agree . Me hovever always star,well mega star, more truthfully, not supporting cast.Well not for last 15 years or so !!

15 06 2010
Antosha

ALAS! My stint in the Gulag is forcing me to miss so much quality Australian television! You’ll have to start recording some of this gold and sending it across to me Mr Hunter..

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
I feel and share your sorrow. To miss out on western advertising realy is a tragedy.
I enjoy the American adds which are used” as is” on Australian TV. The different social system, the differfent word usage, and cars on the wrong side of the road, combine tome at least as a message that they believe we are all as ignorant as they.
Any good Aus tv you could get on line from either the ABC shop or the SBS shop. The true gems, the adds, well you will have to “grin and bare it”. Probably not so wise in a Ruski winter ?

16 06 2010
Antosha

I must admit that during my annual sojourn Down Under I find myself browsing the ABC shop to catch up on the latest televisual offerings.

Things like “Extra’s” and some seasons of Fast Forward I was lucky to come across – keep me warm during the long dark winter months..

And this blog of course.

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It’s even worse when American-sourced ads are “Australianised”, with a poorly-synced, yet reassuringly Aussie accented voiceover applied over what is clearly North American vision, with its often-muddy NTSC-sourced footage.

I’m amazed that I notice these things, despite my general avoidance of commercial television…whenever I see it, almost always incidentally on someone else’s set, I closely analyse the ads, spotting the headf*cking that is going down. Same with commercial radio fellatio, what a mindf*uck that can be, with all those spots for plastic surgery, funeral directors, hair loss and erectile dysfunction treatments. Makes me wanna ring their request line and ask for “Radio Radio” by Elvis Costello.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Antosha

Let me swap with you…please. A year or two sans bogan’s sounds pretty good to me

16 06 2010
Antosha

For Pinky, I shall start your Visa application immediately! But be prepared for some gloomy weather.. and quite a fair share of the Ruskie-Bogue. Or as I call them: The “bougskies”.

17 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Woo hoo! Packing bags as we speak!!

15 06 2010
reparty

Off topic I know, but does this mean that Aussie boat people are going to go over to Afghanistan and take their jobs?

http://www.smh.com.au/world/trillion-dollar–mineral-find-in-war-torn-afghanistan-20100615-yalz.html?autostart=1

15 06 2010
vivisection

We could clear the country of our “highly skilled”, oops I meant overpaid, bogues, just as soon as the Super Tax collapses our mining “industry” – we can send them to Afghanistan to make their fortunes in the mines. Of course there may be a few IEDs to clear first, but what an economical way to start the digging and reduce the overall greedy Ausbogue population. Naturally, they will need to buy a hummer.

15 06 2010
15 06 2010
pb

not going to touch the sex addict angle, but how on earth is it that ten people a week need to be hospitalised due to wii fit injuries? how do you injure yourself so badly when all you’re doing is standing on a piece of plastic?

15 06 2010
albert

I was down at emergency with my wife at Frankston Hospital on a Saturday night about two years back (OK I accept this in itself is pretty special). There was a bloke in before us who had a big bandage around his head.
Apparently this guy had ripped his ear off – I kid you not on this – by playing Wii? wrestling, where he and his mate had decided to start hitting each other with various items to make it more realistic….

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Training to be X-treme cage wrestlers!

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This is why I support the Frankston bypass – it ensures I don’t have to stop there whilst on my way to one of my palatial estates on the Peninsula.

15 06 2010
albert

It was such a special evening – I learnt a lot.

The biggest joy may have been when the bogan in the room next to us offered us a pull of their morphine inhaler….or possibly when I got to walk with my kid past the woman fighting with hospital staff because she had overdosed and wanted her F’n fix.

Or maybe, just maybe, the highlight was getting stuck getting food at Frankston McDonalds at midnight after we finally got out from the hospital…where we got the fun that is Saturday night Franga bogans in their natural habitat…

So many great memories…

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The highlight being that you lived to tell the tale.

15 06 2010
Antosha

That tale sounds more perilous than anything Abby Sunderland went through !

16 06 2010
brad

McCrae or Dromana?

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Well Portsea and Sorrento obviously.

15 06 2010
vivisection

It’s almost straight out of A Dirty Shame. I hope John Waters has seen this!

15 06 2010
miss dahl

an entry straight from News of the World… I’m just waiting for the entry on how wii fit caused her to give birth to a martian.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We certainly need an entry on sex addiction. Tigwah, Charlie Sheen etc, Gold.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,

Re sex addiction, How Do We Sell that? Endless marketing opertunities.

Gee I might sign up for a course

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I think you make more money out of cures, self help etc so we may need to go down that route.

Sexxxabstainer 9000 for example.

15 06 2010
vivisection

WiiRoot 9000 , WiiDonkeyPunch 9000 – in both cases you simulate sex with multiple partners and a special WiiLoveGlove. Afterwards you get to play WiiSTDRoulette, where you can see how many diseases you can catch from being a a WiiSuperStud.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Love your work, you sell the problem, I sell the cure. We will corner the market in rooting and derooting!

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
“Sexabstainer”
Is that a new washing powder? Specially effective for …. ….. …. !
Couldnt put the details in . Just in case Fiona or some other person of taste reads this !!

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The word you are looking for is cleaning James.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Did you mean exercising James? Get great Abs from Sex Abstainer?

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
cleaning ,yes. its the cleaning What bit that i wanted to leave to the dirty minds of others with more first hand experience in these matters.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Seems I keep digging deeper holes !
Opps , done it again.

!!

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

James! You did not mean cum did you? This site is degenerating.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Frankly. I am shocked and outraged.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
You , shocked and outraged.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Thinks, thinks again.
Shakes head and walks away.

15 06 2010
vivisection

I’m practicing in case I want to be a swinging voter this election. I need to be able to do complete moral backflips at the drop of a hat, or dirty word. It’s not easy being inconsistent, takes practice.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I think that is what it takes to be a politican as well.

Still not sure why JH felt the need to introduce bodily fluids into the discussion.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Come, come.

Some !

15 06 2010
Tubesteak

I think that would go under the fake illness blog.

Sex addiction is as much a contrived excuse as eating addiction.

All men want sex constantly. Some men can get it constantly. To them I say “we are legends! Game on!”

15 06 2010
miss dahl

I’m almost certain that in some circles, (admitting to) sex addiction could be seen as a commendable trait ….

15 06 2010
vivisection

I might have to start telling people I am allergic to peanuts, gluten, the entire onion family, rubber latex and am also a sex addict. Just so I fit in. Little white lies.

15 06 2010
miss dahl

and you’ll get soooo much sympathy from soppy, dumb-ass bleeding hearts …

15 06 2010
vivisection

My EPIpen will dispense both adrenaline and lube, simultaneously. (In case I accidentally root someone who has traces of peanuts on their bits.) And i will need a medical alert bracelet. This little white lie could become costly.

15 06 2010
Antosha

Would your medical bracelet come with Pandora charms?

15 06 2010
pb

would there be any other way to have it?

15 06 2010
miss dahl

It may get funny – record it for youtube.

15 06 2010
Brimstone

i know the site is humor but you do know that Japanese and American companies barely know Australia exists, right? Wii Fit and Brain Training are silly but they also let Nintendo tap into markets that didn’t consider themselves gamers… and like i said above help remove some of the stigma from gaming

15 06 2010
vivisection

Brimstone, I’ve never actually played a game on a wii or playstation or nintendo – the last game I played on my TV screen was Pong on an Atari and after that I played Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of The Lounge Lizards on our PC in about 1988. They just don’t do it for me. Having said that, If I did play games, I wouldn’t give a flying f#ck about the stigma. The people on the bus judging are most likely mid way through a Dan Brown Novel or Captain Corelli’s f#ckin Madolin.

So screw them Brimstone. Play your games out and proud. Make a point of telling them that you aren’t thick or near demented, tell them you don’t need brain games, you are just distracting yourself on the bus so you don’t have to look at their ugly F#cken hair and clothes.

15 06 2010
Will S

Leisure Suit Larry was class B-)

15 06 2010
vivisection

Especially when you got to dance with the girl in the club and throw her into the air! Oh, how we marvelled. My father probably still has Leisure Suit Larry – he has a museum of old technology and bits.

15 06 2010
pb

we know that, but the bogan most likely doesn’t. they tend to think everything is about them, so of course wii fit was invented exclusively so they could wobble on some plastic and imagine they’re rebecca gibney or delta goodrem or whoever.

15 06 2010
martin

I play violent games. Imo it’s pretty bogan, but I don’t care. One of the latest bogan trends is to get drunk on their “cheap” (cept it’s not cheap coz of the nanny state) beer whilst playing counter strike or whatever. It’s not bad. Except I don’t do that anymore.

15 06 2010
pb

i’m not a gamer (the only things i’ve ever played were computer games commander keen, lemmings and where in the world is carmen sandiego), but playing video games isn’t specifically bogan. thinking you’ll get fit or smart by playing video games, on the other hand, is very bogan. so unless you think violent video games are going to turn you into some extreme cage fighter, i’d say you’re pretty safe.

16 06 2010
devil's advocate

In America the bogans are called rednecks. I’m sure they have some underclass of people in Japan who are analagous to bogans.

So whether they are aware of Australia is beside the point, the bogans in overseas markets are still a valuable source of revenue, even if they are called something other than bogans.

15 06 2010
T-ra

‘Now, while the bogan is busily not consuming carbohydrates through a straw, it wobbles unsteadily on its cankles…’

HAHAHA…that line produced the biggest laugh I have had in about 3 days (including hearing the score of the Aust. v Germany match….there HAS to be a World Cup Post coming sometime soon!)

I work out with a PT 3x per week and she works me bloody hard. I run, lift weights, do sit ups and push ups until I want to murder the bitch and I would still only consider myself moderately fit. The number of fat bogans, however, who have said to me in the last year…’you should just save your money and buy a Wii fit’ really makes me want to scream. How anyone could consider that as a replacement for real exercise is beyond me!

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

But Deltra said it works, and just look at her.

15 06 2010
T-ra

Hahahhaha well if it works for Delta! You may have a point, after all she does promote Sunsilk’s ‘longer stronger hair shampoo’ and that long hair of hers is obviously all natural 😉

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Take your point re exersize and bogans. I have just signed up to have my Vo2 max tested at UniSa on my Bicycle so that should be interesting to see how fit I am. I suspect spending a week on Wii won’t help with that though.

15 06 2010
.

Big pack of muppets and lemmings ever.
TBL said it & so it must be true and now I think so too.

I bet all you lardies have a wii and no I dont. You people are just pathetic, whever you are directed to vent you shall go.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

It’s big fat floppy jajoppies!

You realise your avatar remains the same, no matter how many times you change your name, don’t you?

And yes, for the record, I have a Wii. I don’t have Wii fit, though.

Anyway, great to see you, as always.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The level of illiteracy gave it away too.

15 06 2010
vivisection

She should try a wii brain training game.

15 06 2010
.

It’s called not caring about ones audience.

Fiona, honestly, even on facebook your unstable delusions have been discussed and laughed about.You’re a delusional halfwit that needs a little professional help.Who lies at the rate you do?? Why?

James ditto, as someone else pointed out in here yesterday, you never make any sense and clearly have a mental health history.

Simon, go glass yourself in the face..

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Perhaps I should get a facebook account?

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I wouldn’t bother, Fiona.

Without going into what I think about facebook in general, the TBL page is absolutely dominated by complete morons. If they hate you, I would totally take that as a compliment.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That makes sense. FB is for bogans, Twitter is for the more capable amongst us.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I’d agree with that. The fact that twitter lacks a ‘like’ button is testimony to your statement.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. One must also be able to express oneself clearly and succinctly on twitter. The pithy wit one gains from a higher degree in the Classics is of course, a marvellous aid in this endeavour.

15 06 2010
.

BTW Fiona, I’ve seen your contribution on twitter.You’re a CLASS A dickhead.
If you never said “lesser people” you would simply have nothing to say……dumb dumb

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, if I wasn’t referring to or about the lesser people, I would have no one to talk to.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Fiona, I think she is obsessed.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Clearly. Stalks me here, stalks me on fb (or rather, reads and remembers comments about me) and on twitter. Oh well, I’m sure it provides a measure of focus into her meaningless life.

15 06 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Yawn – so tedious.

16 06 2010
devil's advocate

Aside from twitter, the other main use of this “pithy wit” is to impress, variously, staff at the centrelink office and cafe patrons. Truly a worthwhile “education”.

15 06 2010
.

Pinky and fatfart love FB

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Who is fatfart?

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Darling Dot

I ran as fast as I could from the FB TBL page. That’s how much you know. I like FB, so what?

You see, I have friends. Some of my friends live overseas as do some of my relatives. I like to keep in contact with my friends and relatives as they do with me. I find it easiest on FB. No biggy…

**rolls eyes**

@ Everyone Else

Why do I keep answering? I need a coffee…or a 12 step programme..

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s because you’re not overly intelligent.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
Are you into self abuse?
Just curious as you keep answering “Period”

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
It is “Period” who is not so intelligent.
Pinkster is pretty much OK considering the mental stress she has endured by trying to understand and answere with out going screeming from the keyboard.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I fear your inherent need to appease is clouding your judgement James. Having said that, I don’t disagree with you about BFFJ aka “.”

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Will have to take that under advisement.
Apeasment is something I try to reserve for Mrs H.
Rest of the time I try to restrain the inherent male characteristics of hunt and kill.
Maybe my overcompensation is an indication either of advancing age and a desire for peac or a general loss of interest in the human condition engendered by the woeful behaviour of most of the species
They say that Homo Sapiens has 6% DNA from Neanderthal.
Looking round sometimes I think they got the percentages back to front.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

HA HA Fi, how droll.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ JH

I think I have a ‘reply’ button tic. I have to press it…LOL

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkelstein,
“a reply button tic”
Is this some new kind of nervous tic?
You must immediately do a paper for all the medical journals.
You wil be famous and make squillions on the lecher circuit.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
Another thought.
instead of press -ing it. just re -press it

Ha de ha giggles dribbles metho from corners of mouth and surveys the world through a pink haze that from my side has nothing to do with glasses or specticals.

15 06 2010
whatisafl

I resemble that remark. 😛

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Period,
Another profound statement.
Now wea are all ears while you dribble about your audience.
The bit about how much they care about you is what I am anxious to hear.

I realy believe that you have a size 24 inferiority complex and the sound of your keyboard is your “Snoopy Blanket”.

Do keep posting though.You are good for a laugh

15 06 2010
Shirley M

See, you do care about your audience. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t bother posting.

What you meant to say was that you don’t care if your audience knows who you are. But see, we do know who you are. Probably because we’re smarter than you.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Shirley,
That last sentence, I am sure you ment to say “Because we are smarter than you” ? Sorry to intrude but did not think you should give it any encouragement.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I did say that, didn’t I?

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Shirley,
Yes But you slipped up with the “Probably”
!!

15 06 2010
Shirley M

That’s just my relaxed, conversational style of writing, James. But I accept your point.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Shirley,
Sorry for being a pain.The thrust of what I was saying was never at you, which I guess you knew anyway. So this is just to keep the records straight.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Record is officially straighty one eighty.

15 06 2010
.

Shirley, sorry to burst yor fart filled balloon but you are not smart.
Pinky the token brain in here cannot even differentiate between “your” & “you’re”.Between the schizophrenics with deluions of grandeur and self righteous and emotive leftist dicks there is no challenge here….

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Many would beg to differ with you, including my arrogant self.

See how your little avatar has it’s mouth taped up? I suggest you become as much like it as possible.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Shirly,
I realy think that “Period” as I prefer to call it, is the most painfull collection of parts resembling a human body that have been nailed together in many a year.
Perhaps we should get our Glasser at Arms,Simon to take it to a suitable place for the disposable of toxic waste and get rid of it once and for all.

15 06 2010
James

One wonders why you fail at every turn, if that is indeed the case.

15 06 2010
vivisection

On thetopic of “your/ you’re” , where does your “Yor” fit in?

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And what, pray tell, is a deluions?

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Maybe I’m not so smart after all, because I have never before encountered the word ‘deluions’ and have no idea what it means.

15 06 2010
James

Furthermore, how does one go about filling a balloon with farts?

15 06 2010
James Hunter

In this feed it curried beens with cabbage on the side.

15 06 2010
James

I see how that would aid the internal processes that produce the necessary gases JH, but the mechanics of inserting said gases into a balloon eludes me.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I was taught a trick once, where you squash up a pillow and fart on it, and then very carefully release it to its original size. The person who is unfortunate enough to plop their head on it gets a very pungent surprise.

I hope this is helpful, James.

15 06 2010
James

Define “helpful”.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Helpful, in this case, is giving you sufficient anecdotal evidence in order for you to understand the mechanics that may be involved in filling a balloon with farts.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The knowledge you’ve gained James is about the same on the “usefulness” scale as that which you impart to your students.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

James ,
Profound appologies.You see I thought you were refering to “Period” as a ballon.
This was the way to fill it with gas and Simon’s 243 will let it out.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
Was that you at the back of the lecher hall taking notes?

16 06 2010
James

You seem to be confused between useful and helpful Fiona. Yet another indictment of the shocking quality of the M.St you received from Dublin University…

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. A short cessation of hostilities James, if you please?

Now that you’re back from your caravan holiday at some God forsaken foreshore, I can ask you my promised final question…

Please explain the (non economic) effects of the FTA Australia has with the USA (if there are any).

16 06 2010
James

It is exam time at the esteemed institution that employs me at the moment, but I do have the time to answer this question, so I accept your offer of truce.

Bilaterally, the FTA has very little effect. The ANZUS Treaty is the bedrock of the Australia-US relationship, and all the FTA really did was formalise the economic relationship and Australia’s subordinate position in that relationship.

Apart perhaps from the affirmation it provides that Australia is firmly in the neoliberal camp when it comes to international trade, I do not really see it having much of an effect on multilateral processes either. It is somewhat of a document that reflects its time – the time of Howard and Bush and the Iraq war, and the perceived closeness this period brought about, but the subordination is clear to any informed observer. To be honest, and particularly from the US angle, I have trouble calling it a free trade deal at all, and prefer to think of it as a trade deal. Thus, I would argue, its main effect has been to show the lack of real commitment on the part of the US to neoliberal reforms, and has brought to the attention of many (in Australia) the power that domestic US lobbies have on trade liberalisation in the US. It has also helped to highlight Australia’s subordinate position in the relationship, as any smaller alliance partner must necessarily be.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Thank you James.

But hark! Tis dawn and I hear the call to arms of the lone bugler…

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
That sound from afar may be but the sound of dear James filling ballons with farts.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. In that case, someone needs to teach him how to play a bugle!

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Actually…

James, please explain the ANZUS treaty and how it’s impact is felt in our geographic region.

Also, how committed are the US to the treaty with NZ given their denial of berth to nuclear vessels.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
We could also ask James about the degree of comitment to its allies of the USA when:
It wont sell F22 Raptors to Japan or Australia because it dosnt trust us with its technology.
It took years of negotiation by the UK to get the USA to agree to letting the UK have the Source Codes for the F35/JSF.
There has not been any statement as yet that the USA is making these source codeds available to Australia.
How security of supply chain for USA weapon platforms/military hardware can be assured when the future parts and maintenence is part or a Global Supply Chain in the hands of USA commercial enterprises beholden to the USA Government?
Esentially all the military Material/hardware that comes from them could become rapidly unsustainable and therefor usless very rapidly if thew USA decides that its own interests come first in any particular conflict. And why would it not?

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, yes, how about you ask him all that?

16 06 2010
James

New Zealand is no longer considered part of ANZUS by the US. It is basically the AUS Treaty now, but that does not make such a good acronym…

The ANZUS Treaty was negotiated between Australia, New Zealand and the US in 1951, and was essentially as far as the US was willing to go in providing an explicit security guarantee to Australia in exchange for Australia accepting the soft peace treaty negotiated with Japan after World War Two. It holds that any attack on the territory of the parties (except New Zealand since 1984) in the Pacific area engages the interests of all parties, and that they will act together to meet any such threat in accordance with their constitutional processes. Thus, it essentially means as much or as little you want it to.

Because of this ambiguity, it has led Australia to feel a need to support US policies and military interventions where it might not have otherwise, as a means of paying an insurance premium, so that (in theory) if we support the US in, say, Vietnam, they will support us if we ever need it. The effect this has had in our region is minimal, as SEATO was the main mechanism through which Australia engaged in US-led regional ventures. The only time ANZUS has been invoked was after the 9/11 attacks (by John Howard), when it was in fact entirely irrelevant to them.

Thus I would argue that its impact has been to make Australia, during the Cold War particularly, more closely engaged with regional conflicts, and seems to my mind to be all cost and no benefit as far as Australia is concerned. As JH rightly points out, the level of technology sharing is very, very low, and the intelligence sharing we do with the US is provided for by the UKUSA agreement, the text of which to this day remains a secret. Indeed, it is probably far more important than ANZUS, even though none of the parties have officially acknowledged its existence.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Are you suggesting it’s not provided (or providing) any real deterrent to any state or non-state aggressor with hostile designs on Australia?

16 06 2010
James

I don’t think it does really. This is largely because of the vague nature of the wording, and while some may consider it as having a deterrent effect, I don’t think it provides a credible deterrent in the case of state actors. Non-state actors can not be deterred by conventional or non-conventional (ei. nuclear) means, as they have no national territory to threaten.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Hmmm, interesting.

To what extent is Australia exposed militarily then?

What are the circumstances that would make (or allow) an aggressor to act and if the circumstances presented, who would be the most likely aggressor?

16 06 2010
James

In the current international environment, I would agree with the Defence White Paper when it says there is no credible threat to Australia’s territorial integrity. That said, in order to minimise our exposure to attack we need to maintain a credible conventional deterrent. This is best done (IMHO) by maintaining equipment that allows us to control to the greatest extent possible the sea and air gap to our north. This edge has been declining in recent years, particularly under Howard (oddly enough), and if this decline continues then the circumstances you ask about could be presented. If we can make the acquisitions outlined in Force 2030, we could regain that edge once again.

On who would possibly pose this threat, from where we sit now there is no global power that could do so. The only other state with the capabilities to do so is the US. As to who would do so, I will refrain from hazarding a guess…

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Obviously being hypothetical here, and not even remotely suggesting that they may wish to, but are you explicitly saying that neither Indonesia nor China have the capability to “take” Australia by force?

16 06 2010
James

I am. Indonesia could land troops on Australian territory, but it could not sustain a landing, or land anywhere strategically or operationally useful. China would need access to bases in Indonesia or Papua New Guinea to even land troops here, and its chances of getting such access are very small.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This is, of course, far from the prevailing understanding in the public consciousness.

Then again, both News and Anti-Intellectualism have had their day here and thus, the “mystery” is well explained.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

James ,
How about your oipinions on the matters that I put to Fi “why dont you ask James” at 12.39.05
Re the security of USA as a military supplier and the trust that they dont show to The UK, Japan and us. ?
Please read the full questions befor answering.

16 06 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Why would it not indeed, JH.

To answer all of those questions in one go, I pose the following:

Ultimately, the US will look out for the US. The costs of it divulging the source codes, in terms of them potentially falling into the wrong hands, are immense, the benefits of sharing them minimal. Australia is reliant on the US far more than the US is reliant on Australia, and thus Australia is still very likely to follow the US no matter how badly they treat us. Thus, by acting as it does with its military technology, the US gains in all areas, and loses very little, if anything. To elaborate, Australia and Japan will still place immense emphasis on the US alliance no matter how we are treated, simply because we are so embedded in the “hub and spokes”, bilateral approach the US takes to regional alliance politics. So for the US, these alliances and relationships can be taken for granted. If the US handed over its technology and source codes to other parties, they could potentially fall into the hands of China, which could then develop effective counter measures which the US would have to, in turn, counter again. If the US keeps these things to themselves, they can have a greater sense of certainty that the integrity of their military technology will be maintained.

In this circumstance, we can not guarantee security of supply, especially (as we have discussed previously) in time of war. Thus, on Australia’s part the US relationship requires a certain level of trust, which is not reciprocated to any serious degree. The details of the negotiations with Britain are unclear to analysts at this stage, but my (anecdotal) understanding is that the British used the UKUSA agreement, and the provision allegedly contained therein for the protection of any intelligence shared, as a mechanism for protecting US technology transfers. Also, the US had to throw them something for the role they have played in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the behind the scenes work that Britain has done in maintaining NATO support in Afghanistan. Australia would need to significantly step up its own efforts in order to even be considered worthy of similar treatment.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

**rolls eyes**

Darling Dot,

I have often admitted on here that I am not the strongest spellererer/grammerere/syntaxerererer.

The BIG difference between you and me is I can admit it when I make a mistake.

And if you think that I am schizopheric, you’re wrong. I am far more interesting than that or you.

**Rolls Eyes**

15 06 2010
Tombarina

BFFJ, I could comment upon your wilfully atrocious punctuation, your frequently nonsensical sentence structure, the insipidity of your repartee, and the general sense of torpor that descends upon proceedings once your self-centred little ‘look at me’ verbal-vommy show rolls into town.

But that would be rude, so I’ll simply suggest you go root your boot….elsewhere. You truly do bore me beyond the vale of tears.

Scurry along, now. Don’t forget your toothbrush….

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

**rolls eyes**

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
were you there as well?
I would have thought you be out with Simon trying to exterminate Periods.

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Maybe a hysterectomy is called for…

15 06 2010
vivisection

How embarrassing to be caught out in less than 12 minutes.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Shirly,
It was on yesterday too. Pinky and I were poking sticks at it through the bars for a giggle .
Got to be careful though in case it throws nasty stuff back at you.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

I’m sure I can handle whatever it throws back.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or up.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

We had fun didn’t we JH?

Dot is annoying me now…

Shirley, Vivi and Tombarina can sort It out. 😀

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinkster,
Sure did.
I call “.” Period for the conotations !
I have had a couple of short bats today but I am sure that your realiable team will get the job done.

15 06 2010
Pandabater

Maybe Dot could click her heels 3 times & f%&k off back to Kansas.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Panda
Fingers and toes

15 06 2010
James Hunter

hoofs?

15 06 2010
James Hunter

sorry, hooves.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I’m not a horse JH! How rude! 😉

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinky,
Woah ! I was refering to “period” or “.” or “Dot” or whatever you call it.
Not you.
Make up?

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

HAHAHA

I was being silly I forgot the winky face. Sorry.

🙂 🙂

here’s two to make up 😉

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I had my fun yesterday. I can be patient in my explanations, but after a while one can think it quite passé to try to reply reason, only to have them continually pelting rocks out of spite, just because they can, while feeling the need to constantly slander one’s personality. There’s no need for that; I have no problem in mercilessly tearing strips off behaviours and attitudes that are malevolent, spiteful, profligate or wilfully ignorant. That’s TBL’s raison d’être. But the name-calling that some resort to as a misguided means to offer a counterpoint is rather petty and childish.

It’d be all to easy to retort in similar fashion to get a few cheap shots in (OK, most of us every once in a blue moon do just that and have a chuckle), but the thoughtful ones wouldn’t stoop to that level as a habit. It really does not become anyone in being like that incessantly.

15 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

“I bet all you lardies have a wii and no I dont. You people are just pathetic, whever you are directed to vent you shall ”

No Wii here
No Playstation
No flat screen TV
No hair dryer
No microwave
No iPod/Phone/Pad
No Olivia music
No Zhrelzhra Dzuogzhem music
No drinking from cans in my house, massive or otherwise

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Syb,
You sound like a genuine Ludite.
Do you realise that your failure to consume may cost some poor Chinese peasant their job?
How do youy bear the shame ?

15 06 2010
martin

No microwave? What do you live on lentils or something? No need to defrost meat?

I still don’t have an mp3 player, and my mobile phone is *gasp* about 2-3 years old.

Those mp3 players dont even have an am radio in them, it’s always only an fm radio. Sometimes I like to listen to the libtards on ABC 702. So what good is it.

15 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

Martin: I cook.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

When’s dinner Sybyl?

16 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

This evening 7pm. Starters of raw, marinated fish Island style. Then Scotch fillet with a whisky and mustard sauce and seasonal veg. No pud.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

**Drool**

15 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

No, not a Luddite. I neither fear nor despise technology. I just don’t need a lot of it.

16 06 2010
devil's advocate

My main beef with gaming consoles is that it is unambiguously more fun to throw around a set of 14oz gloves with the mates or drive a fast car than, respectively, to play tekken/SFII or gran turismo. Often cheaper too (I figured out that the number of hours it took to get the licenses and win the cars in GT added up to more lost monetary value, in terms of hours, than it would take to actually buy said cars).

Also fantasy/role playing games are just creepy. So I don’t have a lot of use of the game consoles.

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Marvellous, Sybil Ince 🙂 I applaud your restraint against the tide of consumer electronics and mass entertainment…maybe I too should consider removing many such of these doo-dads that clutter and complicate my days, and perhaps reclaim some peace of mind and sound mental health…

I don’t have any consoles whatsoever, but I do have an AV receiver and some rather tall speakers, but I chose the system components carefully and never really crank it up. Well, not often and at least it doesn’t sound thrashy at high volume. And I do have a widescreen telly, but it’s a CRT jobbie, no need to update to a flat panel until that one is not economical to repair. And finally, I am a fan of the Mac platform (background in photography in the late 90s steered me to that) and appreciate its virtues, but I usually abstain when the Kool-Aid of Jobs hype pressure gets passed around: if I do get the device, it has to be useful, of which my MacBook, two iPods and iPhone are to me. So yes, I’m a bit of a fan, my only real concession to being a tech consumer, but I can at least claim that I was one back before they turned their fortunes around with the first iMac and that I only get it on its ability of utility and the seamless integration of said devices.

The only drink I get (when it is on promo) from a can is sparkling mineral water, the sole soft drink I have.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Turnips

I love Apple. I too am madly in love with my pod and my mac. I don’t have an iPhone because if I lost it/dropped it in vessel of liquid/drop and break it, I would have a melt down. And I’m not a huge fan of the iPhone. I have been loyal to Nokia for many many years and I like their phones. 😀

I don’t have a lot of ‘do-dads’ but what I do I have I use. I’m sick of seeing people buy shit (prime example iPad) just because it’s the “must have” toy of the moment. I don’t need one, I want to play with one for an hour, but I will wait until Mr Pinky brings one home from work 😉

I’m very excited as my new iMac arrives this week!!! My poor G4 is about to be retired and used as a storage device. 😦 You know it’s time to say fair well when your mac sync your iTouch without having a heart attack. LOL Poor baby.

So Mr Pinky, who is an uber computer nerd, has bought me the bestest birthday present in a brand new iMac. **Screeech**

The good news is, I will now be able to go on youtube without having to change computers.

CHAAA

15 06 2010
Tombarina

Hullooooo BFFJ! What a special treat it is to have your eloquently constructive little self back.

For the record, no – I don’t have a Wii Fit. Or a even Wii. Nor gym membership, nor a single item of home fitness equipment. I do, however, have a pool in which I swim, and a cattle dog, which I take for frequent walks and less frequent runs.

Is that OK with you, my piquant little sunbeam of delight, or does it fail your exhaustive muppet/lemming diagnostic test? Which, I’m assuming, is as scientifically well-founded as your Asian/Caucasian-percentage-to-hotness ratio, which we all enjoyed on an earlier occasion….

15 06 2010
T-ra

‘my piquant little sunbeam of delight’ – what a fantastic expression! I will definitely borrow that one in the future!

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

You’re my Hero Tomba.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

Hey-ho, yourself, P!nky. And don’t waste your time on the bedotted tool above.

DNFTT!

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Over it. She’s a dullard who can’t even argue properly. I had my fun with JH yesterday.

15 06 2010
.

WHEREVER

15 06 2010
T-ra

That should probably read ‘The biggest pack of muppets and lemmings ever…’ If you are going to come here and sledge at least get it right!

15 06 2010
vivisection

and try to make it interesting, please.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You aren’t very bright are you ..

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Period,
why dont you go and invest in a brain preferably one with instructions on how to use it.

15 06 2010
martin

Must be a pommy bogan. Pommy bogans say “muppets”.

15 06 2010
T-ra

Yeah my guess is that “.” is Brian McFadden….he spurred up when we started on Delta!

15 06 2010
martin

Lol. Maybe we have a new class of bogan, the metro bogan. The MB for short. Or maybe PTB, pop tart bogan.

BBB = baby boomer bogan
CUB = cashed up bogan
NAB = new age bogan.
BOB = bogan of bogans.

Also maybe THYB or try hard yuppy bogan. Or WB for wanker bogan. The ones sell crap like sub prime, CDO type stuff for goldman sachs to other WBs who work as “financial advisors” and so on. Like from the story on four corners last night.

Hmm, I think I’m wearing it a bit thin, but my intentions are good.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You forgot LB’s. I’ll leave it to you to work out Martin!

15 06 2010
martin

Libtard bogan.

Hmmm, those are the types that blindly see every stance the left takes as set in stone with no grey areas at all and death to anyone who dares think or speak otherwise.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bingo! The left are not excluded from boganhood.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Indeed, they are the majority constituency of it.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

TBL newbie Melz came up with a cracker yesterday in “What is a bogan today”.

Apparently, nesting next door to Melz, is a specimen which has, over the course of several years and numerous purchases, evolved from Boganus Vulgaris (your common or everyday bogan) to Boganus Rex – the Bogan King.

So add B-Rex to your list, and I highly recommend Melz’s comment. I think we may live in the same street.

15 06 2010
T-ra

BID = Bogan In Denial – people who don’t identify as bogan, but are bogan to the core.

BAB = Born Again Bogan – people who after pursuing the ‘dream’, fail or give up and go back to their ‘roots’ and bitch about how they never wanted anything more for themselves anyway (I have a relative that falls into this category which is why I identified it).

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yep “.” is a BID.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
I like my description of her name.”Period” better. it has connotations

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

A Pommy Bogan is a Chav 😉

15 06 2010
Antosha

I find “.”‘s posts about as incisive as a Socceroo’s attacking option.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
Period is the one in the “sin bin”

16 06 2010
Antosha

Indeed.

For punishment we should make him sit through their next match!

Also, please allow me to get this off my chest:

“Come on QUEENSLAND on Wednesday night!”

There.. that feels better..

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I think you meant ‘WHATEVER’ **rolls eyes**

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Off topic as usual from me but I thought you may all like to see what a $1000 Tshirt looks like. And for you bedazzlers out there it will be of special interest.

http://www.reborncouture.com/designers/dom-rebel-threads/tree-hugger-bling_6541

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. $1,000 for a t-shirt? What is the link to, a thrift store?

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Fairy Penguins.

15 06 2010
.

Fiona, you should go and look at what is being said about you.Your idiocy is well known and mocked.You are not as popular as you obviously think.Seriously.

15 06 2010
Will S

internets blogs is serious business

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

She is completely cereal.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Aw, it’s noice. Different. Unusual. Hideous.

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

In the immortal words of TISM: “it’s novel, it’s unique, it’s sh¡thouse!”

16 06 2010
brad

I can take hours of pain-Ten minutes of Don Lane

17 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

…Only one time I’ll admit defeat, never turned right at Swanston Street!

15 06 2010
pb

wow. for $1000 i was expecting tackiness, but thought it’d at least look pretend expensive, not like a kindy kid’s school art creation.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

For $1000, wouldn’t you want the actual price of the shirt bedazzled in large, pointy letters? Along with a disclaimer explaining that you’re overcompensating for a very small wiiener….

15 06 2010
vivisection

For a $1000 I would expect the washing instructions and place of manufacture to be bedazzled too.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Washing instructions? Surely it should just walk itself to the dry cleaner and back again.

15 06 2010
vivisection

In fact it should have those deodorant crystals that deluded hippies use, built in under the arms, to negate the need to wash it at all.

15 06 2010
Tombarina

If you called it a “system”, you could whack another $300 on the price.

“L’BOGUE…now with a built-in maXXXtreme shiny self-cleaning system. As worn by Brendan Fevola and his twin brother, Willy Mason.”

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Like those undies with silver in them. Designed for adventurer, Bear Grylls types, the silver kills bacteria, making it possible to wear the same undies for days straight. When they first went on sale in some Anaconda style store in London for 50 pounds a pair, sales went through the roof. It wasn’t Bear who was buying them all, though. It was cashed up, lazy-ass chavs, of course.

15 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And when you say “lazy-ass”, you literally mean “lazy-ass”!

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Yes, I do!

15 06 2010
vivisection

What bogue could say no to shiny knickers? Perfect for all occasions, including extreme bush walks and pole dancing

15 06 2010
Shirley M

They don’t actually look shiny, though. Imagine if they did!

15 06 2010
vivisection

Well I’m not buying a pair then. Was going to parlay my ass along the entire Mardi Gras parade route next year in them, partay for 48 hours straight afterwards and not change them once. If they aren’t shiny though…

15 06 2010
Shirley M

You should get them anyway, Viv. Send them to me, and I’ll sew sequins all over them for you. Or better still, I’ll glow mesh them.

15 06 2010
vivisection

I guess some experimental bedazzling couldn’t hurt. It’s under consideration….

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Then you can pretend you are Tina Turner in Mad Max.

15 06 2010
vivisection

Who says dreams can’t come true?

15 06 2010
pb

i’m gone to a meeting for an hour and a half and look what i miss in the conversation!
but vivi, what you need to do for your mardi gras outfit, is contact the company that made the tshirt simon linked to and get them to make you a special pair of bedazzled budgie smugglers. i’m sure they’ll be delighted to help.

15 06 2010
Sybil Ince

Have you every tried to sit on a leather couch in shiny undies? Seat belts required.

15 06 2010
pb

well that’s why they need to be bedazzled – provides some traction.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Have you ever tried to have sex on satin sheets?
same problem, no traction. !
MrsH and I have Terry Toweling sheets …..Haaaaaaaaa.

15 06 2010
vivisection

And the back of it says “I have a habit I just can’t kick” – Heroin? No, Swarovski crystals? Why Yes! Nothing says street like a swarovski crystal habit.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is this the crystal Ben Cousins was on?

15 06 2010
vivisection

Jennifer Love Hewitt likes to decorate her lala with them too.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Got a link?

15 06 2010
vivisection
15 06 2010
vivisection

Even the dog in the background of picture 5 looks ashamed.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

If I was going to get penazzled (if I had a penis, that is), I would totally get a far more awesome design than that insipid little absurdity.

15 06 2010
vivisection

I once had a heroin dealer in Kings Cross show me his cock. (My friend and I were covered from arsehole to breakfast in piercings at the time and I assume he thought it would be a good ice-breaker) It had, according to him, three or four small pearls implanted along the shaft. He asked if we wanted to touch them, but I wasn’t sure if it was a disease or not. Needless to say, I stayed well away from it. Besides, it was in a laneway.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

I have a silver lame pair of shorts that i wear on stage sometimes. the look with black braces is ,lets say, different.

And any of you who have been to my website would know that i can challenge any one when it comes to “Scrotazzaling”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 06 2010
Pandabater

Winner & I think I am pretty safe in saying, uncontested world champion.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh my…

Have the Femme-bogans got ‘salons’ for these yet? If not maybe the spray tan places could have a Penazzler on board too. Then they could leave not only orange but also blinged up. 3M could have a competition called “Pimp my Pubes” or something.

15 06 2010
Shirley M

Vajayjay, thank you Viv.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

**spew**

15 06 2010
martin

These Wii fit people would be basically the same ilk who think eating “lite” or “reduced fat” or “diet” type foods are an appropriate measure for losing weight. They usually forget to take into account that they eat as much as a rugby league player although a far lesser quality of food even though they’re 5 foot and a half and should way half as much.

I remember someone telling me about someone who was behind someone at macdonalds, ordering say a big mac meal, a cheeseburger and some mcnuggets and a DIET COKE. This person then had a go at the person ordering and said what’s the point of having a diet coke if you’re going to consume about a kilo of fat with the main meal. Haha, burnt.

Ah the poor bogue.

15 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

These are the same people who eat CoCo pops to get their fibre huh.

15 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

The diet coke is probably consumed for the elevated heart rate caused by the artificial sweetener it contains. Some people just love feeling their heart pound as if they’ve actually done something physical.

15 06 2010
James Hunter

Sibyl,

The caffine also kicks the heart and blood preasure and gives that “healthy flushed look”

15 06 2010
Sibyl Ince

True, true – a cardiologist’s nightmare.

16 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Its probably more like Coke Zero Pepsi Maxxx amongst that demographic nowadays.

15 06 2010
Gazza

In terms of the logic behind that, a valid point I guess. Unless of course the person just liked the taste of Diet Coke.

I would however question what business a stranger had publically bollocking someone about what they order at a food outlet and hoped the diet coke orderer told them to mind their own fucking business.

Or maybe that comment from a friend of a friend, who was standing behind some friend’s second cousin twice removed didn’t actually happen & is kind of an urban myth.

Then it’s kind of quirky. Or would have been if we hadn’t heard the same story fifty times.

15 06 2010
martin

That story has been told 50 times?

Well this person who told me was from one the bogan mecca suburbs and wasn’t exactly the most civilised person so I found it believable. Anyway the story served to back up a point rather than it being the point itself. So who cares if it’s true or not.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Gazza

Dude,

I worked at Macca’s during high school. I have seen this so many times I cannot tell you.
I will never forget this story:

The year is 1993 and I was a young sprightly lass full of hope and optimism, working my first job and there where BOYS!! (I went to a girls school)

I got abused because Lady Lardarse thought I gave her straight Coke rather than Diet, I can tell you it was diet but re-drew the beverage anyway, just so she wouldn’t pop something.

Upon returning with said diet coke She thanked me, and said “I’m diabetic, I have to be careful with what I drink”

Mind you, she didn’t feel she had to be careful about what she ate because she ordered a Large Big Mac Meal, a Quarter Pounder, and 9 nuggets. I’m sorry, but I can’t just buy that. And the whole “They need to be re-educated’ get a bit rich after a while.

If you don;t know that Macca’s is bad for you…Re education isn’t the answer

15 06 2010
Pandabater

I’m sure that the Fem-bogue will also need a new outfit to go along with the Wii. There was one in the Sunday papers, shoes, tights, shorts & a Tshirt, all for the bargain price of $590.00.

15 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Hey Kids*

This is awesome.

We have a Wii but not wii fit. The wii belongs to my kids and as I hate being humiliated by my 9 and 10 year old I hardly play.

To be honest, I don’t know why we have it. The kids played it flat out when we first got it for Christmas but now it’s only used on play dates. Seems that my kids find outside on their bikes far more interesting than being locked up in doors in front of the teev.

I’d consider going back to nursing just to see the Bogan injuries from Wii. But then it doesn’t pay enough to deal with all their other sh*t.

15 06 2010
martin

Yeah the wii is crap imo. I got one and I played it for a bit then gave it to my nieces who played it for a bit and now it never gets played. I think the best thing about it is *still* the tennis game which gets boring after about a week.

I think the main problem is that you just feel like a complete twat standing in front of a tele and waving your arms around. It’s much nicer to just relax with a normal controller. Plus there’s not enough detail, nuance and dexterity in the system, it’s a pretty clumsy technology imo.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Like I said, I’m no gamer, I’m stuck on level three of Mr Bean on DS. Mario Karts is about all I can do on Wii and even that is a poor attempt.

Excising on the Wii. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

16 06 2010
.

oh she has a litter….figures

16 06 2010
Feaux Bogue

I do enjoy the witty banter that follows these amusing articles, however, can I politely point out that responding in the way you do to ‘.’ is exactly what they want. They want you to fall into a conversation about them, they want you to get all petty and ‘clever’. Then they laugh about it with their friends, probably.

Just sayin ……

PS I don’t have a Wii but I sometimes wish I did. Oh, and I love UFC.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Interesting. Are you suggesting that if someone takes an obvious troll seriously, then said troll is likely to find them both pathetic and amusingly stupid?

16 06 2010
devil's advocate

Obvious trolls are one thing – as objectionable as they may be, they often have a clear underlying pathology. Trolls with internal inconsistencies are another altogether – especially when the internal inconsistencies are as the result of laziness or ignorance, and not by design.

Like a bogan attempting to render a caricature of what they imagine the upper class to be like.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, I’m pretty sure if a troll like that existed and someone kept calling them out, the troll would be having a jolly good laugh at that particular person’s stupidity.

16 06 2010
16 06 2010
pb

her seven year old already wants to get a boob job when she’s old enough? poor kid has no hope with that monstrosity as a mother.

16 06 2010
miss dahl

She’s no Barbie – too lowbrow. Barbie has the so-called “perfect proportioned” face, also known as the Golden Ratio. If anyone is “Barbie-esque”, it’s Claudia Schiffer. Ms Burge is just deluding herself, and, sadly, her children.

16 06 2010
vivisection

Dear God, 850 grand and she still looks like a scrubber. At least her daughters will be at the front of the bogue pack when they run their stripping empire, nobody likes a loser stripper. Or will they will rebel against her and become social workers. Possibly in Child Protections.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Time for some more titles.

Along with Simon, Glasser-at-Arms I dub:

James Hunter – Resident Hugh Hefner
James – anti Anti-Intellectual
Shirly Mullet – Slater and Gordon Representative

16 06 2010
Shirley M

Hey cool. I’m the SlaG rep. I’m down with that.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It was because of the wise counsel you’ve provided in the past, but if SlaG fits and you’re happy with it, hey, who am I to argue?

16 06 2010
vivisection

What am i , Scotch Mist?

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Vivisection the Token Homosexual?

16 06 2010
vivisection

I’m preferring Scotch Mist. I was thinking something a little more french. Marquis Vivisectionne le Bogue Chasseur. Something both simple and extreme.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sommelier?

16 06 2010
vivisection

“Somelier oh la la” perhaps or “Le Somelier du Boozechien” has a classy ring to it.

16 06 2010
vivisection

or Vivisection le débauché de garçon

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *shudder* Sold.

16 06 2010
vivisection

So we don’t give the wrong impression, we should change it to “Vivisection le débauché de homme” – garçon may be taken literally and that would not do. I don’t look good in prison bitch orange.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, the inplications of garcon are not what one may wish.

16 06 2010
pb

should those of us who don’t know french ask for a translation or are we best left naive?

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Garcon means boy so translates as The debauched boy. I use google translator as I am also ignorant of french.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Not quite. Translates as the debaucher OF boys.

16 06 2010
vivisection

PB. yes garcon = boy, homme = man. As a strict rule, I don’t debauche boys. Debauche literally translate as “Laying of” or another term for f#cking.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I expect to see these added to the titles. Also Fi, Viv does deserve a title so get to work please.

16 06 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

If you insist, Simon.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Very fine James.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

I fear if I add ‘SlaG to my name, I will attract unwanted attention.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Go on, you know you want to.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

No, I don’t think I do.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’ve seen you called much worse on here with no lasting effects. Go with “Advisor attached to Slater and Gordon”.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
I have been pretty much absent today,
Have you a complete list yet?

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You need to change to
James Hunter – Resident Hugh Hefner.

As for the rest it is a work in progress. Meeting some resistance.

Also on the weekend I took my beagle on his first hunt with the beagle club. Once he got the idea of what to do he loved it. Have you ever tried this with yours.

16 06 2010
Pandabater

What do you do with the Beagle when you catch it?

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A nice red wine gravy is helpful.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

How about PhD.SlaG?

16 06 2010
Shirley M

Actually, I’d like to be Dr. Shirley Mullet – SlaG.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yes, thats brilliant Shirl. Lets see it up there.

16 06 2010
Dr.Shirley Mullet - SlaG

And it was thus.

16 06 2010
Dr.Shirley Mullet - SlaG

Hmmm. I changed it and my comment is awaiting moderation.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

I changed it but I’ve been stuck in moderation for ages. I guess TBL don’t approve. 😦

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. That happened to me too. But then they let it through. No matter my title, I’ll always be Fiona of Toorak.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

Well, yes. That’s true because ‘Fiona of Toorak’ makes up the first half of the words of your title.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. An inherited one, no less.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Will this title come with a bontiful supply of blond bimboes ?
If so will I be allowed to touch said bimbos?
Eagerly awaiting your guidance in this delicate matter.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. For their sanity and your freedom, no, no it won’t.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
to sum my reaction in one word,Bugger.

One other delicate matter if I may?

I am already sufficiently endowed with large esse so when you bestow my title could you be so kinf as to use yoy small esse wand?

16 06 2010
The Man at the Pub

You weaken the moniker ‘bogan’ by applying it too broadly across the social spectrum.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry dude.

16 06 2010
Pandabater

There can only be one excuse for being online in a pub & that is if you actually work at the pub. It’s like reading a book at the pub, weird.

16 06 2010
Shirley M

I’m rather fond of reading books at the pub. Until some dirty pervert comes up and asks ‘Whaddarghya readin’ love? Any good? Can I buy ya a drink?’

16 06 2010
Pandabater

I have only seen one person reading a book at the pub & she was sitting with a group of 10 or so people & had her nose stuck in a book while her friends (I presume) were talking, laughing etc & it just looked strange.

But maybe I should try this & see if any women ask me the same question/s as you were asked.

Hello Ladies!!

16 06 2010
Shirley M

You know there’s a whole website dedicated to photos of men reading books on public transport etc. Many women consider this site to be porn. If reading a quality book at the pub doesn’t get you laid, I don’t know what will.

16 06 2010
Pandabater

Unfortunately, where I live the question will probably be “Are you looking for a date, wink, wink”.

16 06 2010
martin

I disagree. I think it strengthens it. There are one hell of a lot of deranged people out there, we are in an unfortunate time in history, and I think as a basis point defining them as bogans, and then branching out to further categorise them is very helpful.

16 06 2010
Pandabater

May I be so impertinent to suggest;
Fiona – Our Lady of C[G]lass

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, you may not. I am the bestower, not the bestowee.

I am just weighing up candidates for Village Idiot. Suggestions welcome.

16 06 2010
martin

I think that would be most befitting yourself Fiona.

16 06 2010
martin

Oops. For yourself I should say.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *yawn*

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

“.”

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. A strong candidate, to be sure.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Peter is right up there to.

CM should be International Man of Mystery.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I think you mean Illiterate Man of Mystery.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Done.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. If only James Hunter was more mysterious, he would have been in the running too.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

James has hidden nothing, nothing.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Peter would be good as minister in charge of literacy ?

16 06 2010
Pandabater

My apologies Fiona, I now realise that the bestowing shall only be performed by ones superior, but I think God is too busy.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. He hath tasked me with the er, task.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And our old mate Chub should be known as Professor of Pharmanautics.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Pharmanautics ??
Is that someone who grows nookie ?

17 06 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Your one-stop guide to travelling through the psychotropics.

17 06 2010
James Hunter

BOT,
well we have enough “Psychotroups”

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. I gave myself a title. Well earned too.

16 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

In gods stead, noice.

16 06 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I hold in my mind an image of the perfect bogue, and she is embodied in my sister in law. TBL never fail to describe her perfectly. We were subjected to a diatribe on the virtues of wii fit a her place around christmas. She completely ignored the fact that I run five to ten kilometres a day (of my own volition, on my own feet, and on a real road) to exhort me to buy the blessed thing ‘just for wii fit alone is worth it’. She has this odd way of looking up at the ceiling at a point about three metres behind and to the left of your head as she speaks. It’s most disconcerting.
So perfectly has TBL described this creature in the past (bali hut, p!nk, RTD’s, I’m not racist, but, petrol burners, V, Thailand, ACA, facebook, ernie dingo, celebrity worship, etc etc etc) that I am willing to forecast a future TBL entry based purely on my observation of it over the past week (in no less a place than the bogue capital of the galaxy The Sunshine Coast)…
The Powderfinger Farewell Tour (at which she will only bellow the choruses) closely followed by ‘computer for dummies’ The iPad.

it’s so nice to be home.

16 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

**HUG** We’re glad you made it back in one piece. Any signs of contamination? 😉

16 06 2010
James Hunter

James,
Yes your thoughts on the USA/Other Countries relation ship pretty much matches my own
The question is odf course:
Why do both side of politics assure the populace that we are safe because the yanks will protects us ?

In the larger sense we are undefended and in any enduring conflict our services are unsupportable.
It is to me a national disgrace and the person/s responsible should be bought to book for such treasonable neglect.!
As if.

16 06 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Agreed on your second paragraph. Although some of the people responsible are colleagues and close friends of mine…

On your question, I think it is simple. It takes many years to gain a solid understanding of international security and politics, thus it is much easier for the government to simply say, “The US will look after us – see it says so in this piece of paper,” than it would be to justify expenditure on defence procurement that exceeds three percent of GDP, and possibly increase taxation in the process, or wind back welfare and other services. People will accept such statements at face value, because the US looks powerful and says nice things about us, and given that most people lack the capacity to understand the flaws in such an argument, most do not question it.

Have a look at the Lowy Institute blog – The Interpreter – for some interesting discussion of these very issues.

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Off for a read…

16 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. And very happy I did so. Thank you for the link James. 🙂

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Peter,
I do read some of their work, also various media and trade publications.
It is a few years since I was last involved in supplying special equipment to our DSTO ,Navey,Army and Fuse Development Lab.
We have a lot of very smart people but the products like our hovering rocket ,missile decoy for naval vessels are few and far between. The Governments of the day dont understand the stretegic importance of an industrial base in sustainment.

16 06 2010
James Hunter

God knows how Peters name got up there. It was intended for JAMES

16 06 2010
brad

A bit of paronoia abounds i think amongst the James’es.I am not as learnered and stuff as you guys,but too my understanding states such as the UK/Ireland,US,Canada,NZand even South Africa have very close bonds with our island due too shared history and heritage that is i feel a bit more stronger than geo-political whatevers.I have many relitives in UK/Ireland and some distant in Canada as do many million of others.My point is our relationship with these countries is unique when compared with the rest of the world.We both love and loathe what is familiar too us.

16 06 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I run,
and run and run and run.
I love it.
I like to create video clips in my mind to the music I listen to while I run,
and run and run

16 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

in the paddock next door the cows are bellowing because the calves are being weaned. it’s sad and beautiful. my neighbour moved the old girls into another paddock and they ran across it, bellowing and mooing, just to be closer to where their babies are.
the sun is behind the range and I can hear the frogs in the dam.
And Ralph the Kelpie just arrived! Nutty is stoked! that means good chums are right behind.
see yez.

16 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

GREG INGLIS!!!

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
A good dash of Nutmeg in the red wine sauce goes realy well with Beagles ,or any mid size dog I would hazard a guess.

16 06 2010
Peter

Here’s a new game entitled:

James Hunter Just Read And Is Enraged About:

The idea isto post an example of one of the many things that James Hunter has recently read about at the Maitland City Council Public Library and decided to be outraged, informed or just plain breathy about.

e.g. Subliminal Advertising or Animal Rights or Sex In Advertising or (his inadequacies) or People Who Hum Or Sing At Work – puzzling, as he not known for his good work ethic – or, umm, Iron Maiden Having A Picture Of Osama Bin Laden On The Tail Of Their Airplane.

Get the idea?

Go!!

16 06 2010
James Hunter

Peter’
Since you seem to ,for want of imagination,have listed your own areas of interest,for me to engage you in debate on these topics would be to put myself at a disadvantage
Being a most sensible chappy I will leave the honour to others among the serried ranks of those equally , or even more ,capable.

Now Peter, be a good fellow and take your Medications and let nurse put you to bed.

17 06 2010
Peter

…or Stanislav Petrov’s Forgotten Heroism or Palin’s Pronunciation Of Nuclear or Fake Internet Profiles…

17 06 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

@P!nky
Hugs back at you girl.
No contamination. We walk above them.
😀
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
Toorak is an anachronism, P!nky is the future.

17 06 2010
Greyam of Sydney's Eastern Suburbs

I watch the maid perform on our WII Fit.

17 06 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Patently absurd. If you were serious, you’d never let the maid on your own Wii nor would you be anywhere near where you could see hers.

17 06 2010
Greyam of Sydney's Eastern Suburbs

Mother said I should watch her WII and learn.

17 06 2010
AntiPajero

@Vivisection; @Fiona of Toorak
“le débauché de garçon” actually translates as “the debauched of boys”, or “he who is debauched by boys”. “le débauché” denotes a debauched male, while “la débauchée” denotes a female. Also debauched.

@Those title bestowments: I suggest…
“Prince[ss] of Tides”: Nominees would include any Cnut whose self assuredness could [and probably should] call forth an ocean of glass shards to drown themselves in. Can I nominate myself? I believe I’m one of these Cnuts. (Google that)
“Peer of the Classicists”: Nominees would include anyone whose comments could have been penned by Homer. (Google that too, children)

17 06 2010
AntiPajero

Ah qurap. Actually, “the debauched of boys” would be “le débauché des garçons”. Pity the failure.

21 06 2010
Kat

Wii’s are excellent for first person rail shooters.

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